The madness never stops… 😂🔥 In The Young Offenders Season 5 Episode 5, chaos and comedy collide as the boys get into even more trouble with their wild decisions.
As situations spiral out of control, every moment delivers hilarious and unexpected twists.
👉 Watch now and don’t miss this fun episode!
#TheYoungOffenders #S05E05 #ENGLSUB #ComedySeries #FullEpisode
As situations spiral out of control, every moment delivers hilarious and unexpected twists.
👉 Watch now and don’t miss this fun episode!
#TheYoungOffenders #S05E05 #ENGLSUB #ComedySeries #FullEpisode
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TVTranscript
00:03You hear a lot of mams going on about how being a mom is like a real job.
00:06But how hard is it really?
00:10Okay there's the pregnancy bit.
00:13Tony!
00:14And then there's the birth.
00:15But that's just popping it out.
00:18And I reckon I was actually the one who ended up doing most of the work there.
00:22And after all that you have a baby.
00:24And you get months off work where you get free money for doing absolutely nothing.
00:27Jesus Christ he's eating my nipples red raw.
00:30You could try bottle feeding him?
00:32Oh yeah and have everyone tell me I hate my baby.
00:35No thanks.
00:35The whole thing seems like a bit of a scam really.
00:37Bottle you.
00:39Oh Christ's sake.
00:41Who's taking the past?
00:43What are we going to do?
00:44There's nothing to be afraid of okay.
00:46I'm just going to tell her to calm down.
00:48No no no no.
00:49Do you want to be killed?
00:50You can't tell a woman to calm down.
00:52How are you going to auto relax then?
00:55It'll be over soon.
00:56Her mam's coming to town and she's just a bit worked up.
00:59It won't last forever.
01:00Mam's mam?
01:01I thought she was dead.
01:02No she's not dead.
01:03She just left Maraid when she was a little girl.
01:06Starts a new family.
01:08Oh!
01:09Hot water in the past!
01:11Hey Maraid.
01:12Hey man.
01:13Conrad here.
01:14Yeah.
01:14I can tell you're going through a little bit of a tough time here at the moment.
01:18Yeah and you're probably mad about that tough time.
01:22Yeah.
01:23But you think it would help a little if you just, if you just calmed the fuck down?
01:34They say getting your driver's license is a rite of passage.
01:38But really it's just 50 quid an hour to get honked at for stalling in front of strangers.
01:42But today's the day I can finally prove that I'm more than just a passenger.
01:45It wouldn't have good driving if it hit you in the face.
01:48I can't.
01:51Why?
01:52They have to fail a certain percentage boy.
01:54Everybody knows that it's just like a statistic thing boy.
01:56No it's fine.
01:57No it's fine.
01:58No it's fine.
01:58You know what?
01:58I just want to go to bed.
01:59I can't.
01:59We don't even need a driver's license to drive.
02:02I know.
02:04But I got it anyway.
02:06Shut up boy.
02:06I got it.
02:07Are you joking me boys boy?
02:09Jesus.
02:10That's like Killian Murphy with your acting boy.
02:12That was my Oscar like.
02:14You're getting a bit shy around you know.
02:15You're like the Taoiseach or something boy.
02:18The King of Ireland.
02:19Boy we can get drive-thrus now.
02:21Drive-thrus.
02:23Drive-thrus.
02:23Drive-thrus.
02:24Holy shit car boy.
02:25Oh.
02:27You.
02:28You.
02:29You.
02:29You.
02:30You.
02:31You deserve it my kid.
02:34Very classy.
02:35Here get your manky hands off them.
02:36They're not for ye.
02:37Yes they are.
02:38It's my party.
02:39How is it your party?
02:40It's my party because we passed the driving test.
02:43We.
02:43Both of you did did ya?
02:45Well like I was sitting on the seat with the wheel but he was in my head so it was
02:48like it was a giant effort like.
02:49Exactly yeah.
02:50A rising tide lifts all the boats my head.
02:52What are you on about?
02:53He's talking about tides.
02:54Boats.
02:55When jock rises we all rise.
02:57Yeah.
02:58Alright well look.
02:59Who's this party for so if it's not for your award winning son?
03:02Passing a test designed for teenagers isn't exactly award winning.
03:05It is for you boy.
03:07And besides.
03:08It's Bridget's birthday.
03:09Oh Bridget as in.
03:10Bridget.
03:10Bridget as in your mime Bridget.
03:12I thought you hated your mime.
03:14I do.
03:14She's a self centred witch.
03:16She's a witch?
03:18Every time I look in the mirror I see half of her and I hate her so much I hate
03:21half myself.
03:23But if she wants the best party ever that's what we're gonna throw her.
03:26So you hate this woman so much that you're gonna throw her the best party you've ever thrown in your
03:30entire life?
03:30I am not giving her the satisfaction of having a bad word to say.
03:34We've had parties before like it's not that hard.
03:36Alright I'm off to pick up the witch.
03:38We can witch it.
03:39No you are not.
03:39We will witch it.
03:41Come on let's go get you.
03:41You might get to drive the car if I think about it.
03:44But she's actually a witch.
03:45Of some kind.
03:49After all I really love you.
03:52Don't you?
03:53Lads.
03:55After all that we've been true.
03:59Ho ho ho.
04:01Days of goodbye.
04:02Dad shut up.
04:03Dad shut up.
04:06We've had some crack in this car over the years.
04:08Haven't we?
04:09You remember the time that we went and held through with the fridge.
04:13And you thought we murdered a load of ducks.
04:15Ha!
04:15With a hammer like.
04:17That was so good.
04:18Just a car joke.
04:19Ah come on though.
04:20It's not though.
04:20It's more than that.
04:22It's memories on wheels.
04:23Ah do you remember the time we went up to Dublin to go to therapy.
04:26And then the therapist told us that you were the one that was fucked up.
04:29Ah!
04:29Alright like.
04:30Can you believe that?
04:31The look on your face.
04:33You were like.
04:35I paid all this money for some quack to tell me that.
04:37That was a good one.
04:39That was a good one.
04:43Rayad I think you're looking a little bit tired.
04:45Tired?
04:46Piss off jock.
04:47Stay to you.
04:48You have a face like the first pancake.
04:50You know the bad one that comes out all munted and shit so they have to throw it out.
04:54Jeez that's a bit below the belt no?
04:56I just thought that maybe you could just do a little break from driving is all.
05:00That will keep your thoughts to yourself.
05:02I think he's just a bit worried you shouldn't be driving in your condition.
05:06A condition?
05:06What condition is that?
05:07Arsehole ladies.
05:10Sorry man.
05:11In all seriousness.
05:13He's right like.
05:14Yeah.
05:14I don't think you at the moment have the mental capacity to focus on the road.
05:18You're not thinking about your mammonod.
05:20That's serious stuff.
05:21Do you know what might be a good?
05:23Thought experiment.
05:24Thought experiment?
05:25Yeah.
05:25Did you learn that from the prison therapist was this?
05:28No man right.
05:29Imagine alright that you've never met your mam.
05:32And you're just on your way now to just make a new friend.
05:36So you can leave all the baggage at the door.
05:41Are you serious?
05:43Rave!
05:44Rave!
05:46What the fuck?
05:48What are you doing?
05:49That's obviously not what we meant like.
05:51I was my mam's baggage when she left me outside the car and she took off with a handbag full
05:54of freedom and selfishness.
05:56So what?
05:57We're just your baggage?
05:58Yes.
05:59You are my baggage.
05:59The type of baggage that has no value and I get stuck with it because nobody else wants
06:03it.
06:04He always got as useful as a bag full of mickeys.
06:06Soft mickeys at that.
06:08Don't you shush me.
06:10Don't you shush me.
06:10Don't you shush me.
06:11It's okay.
06:11It's okay.
06:12We understand.
06:12Get in.
06:17Alright well he should be sleeping.
06:19I know that.
06:20But he won't stay down.
06:21Arrows.
06:22No.
06:23No.
06:23Did you ask nicely?
06:25Airbag.
06:26Seriously Mairead.
06:27I had an airbag.
06:28I can't help from here.
06:30Animals.
06:30See the cows there.
06:31Animals.
06:32No.
06:33Healey what was that?
06:35I gotta go.
06:37I know boy.
06:38Give me a flu.
06:38It is all around us.
06:41It is all around us.
06:43Come on boy.
06:43Use your brain.
06:44Come on.
06:44There's no more words beginning with A.
06:46I don't know.
06:47You only guessed like six of them.
06:48I can't think under this pressure.
06:50Healey.
06:51Why don't you tell me.
06:52That's what I said.
06:52Tell me.
06:52Why are these?
06:54Air.
06:55Air.
06:57Air.
06:57Yeah.
06:57But you can't see air.
06:59Tony.
06:59Of course you can but it's.
07:00It's all around us.
07:01Yeah.
07:02I can't see air right now can I?
07:03I can feel the air.
07:04Healey what is going on?
07:05Will you answer me?
07:06You can feel the effects of air but you can't see air.
07:08No no no.
07:09Air is see through.
07:10You see through it.
07:11Okay.
07:12Then why don't you call this thing?
07:15Why don't you call that thing?
07:16No no no no.
07:17That's not air.
07:18That's like saying.
07:19I spy with my little I W.
07:20I'm picking water or vapour.
07:21A bad workman.
07:23Blames his tool.
07:24Yeah.
07:24I spy with my little I.
07:25Something beginning with A.
07:26An annoying fuck.
07:27I am surrounded by adult children.
07:34I spy with my little I.
07:37An absolute ride.
07:39Look at her.
07:39What a kid.
07:40She is like fine white.
07:42What?
07:42That's a bit of me though.
07:43She's right up your street man.
07:44She's actually stunning.
07:45Is she hot man?
07:46Stop hitting on your granny.
07:48Granny?
07:48Whose granny?
07:49Right up your street.
07:50No no no no.
07:51No no no no.
07:52No no it's not.
07:53She said that was granny.
07:54She's not hot at all but she might be.
07:57Bridget.
07:58Call me mom.
08:00That's the witch.
08:04Look at those muscles.
08:06You go to the gym or what?
08:08No boy.
08:10My mom said I was actually born with a six pack.
08:12Yeah all the doctors took photos of it in the hospital and all.
08:14Looks like a washboard to me.
08:16Yeah well he's full of shit all right.
08:17I swear to god.
08:18I was almost in the paper but I got bumped because they found a missing girl.
08:21All right Jack.
08:22As if Jack.
08:23Be nice.
08:24Handsome lad like him he's gonna make a lot of money.
08:26Doing what?
08:27Being an escort?
08:28Connor!
08:29That is disgusting.
08:30Of course.
08:31It's just science.
08:33Good looking lads make more money.
08:35You wasn't even taught by best looking people in our school.
08:37Jealous boy.
08:39Relax.
08:39It's okay.
08:41Brides only hang out with brides.
08:45It reflects well on you too.
08:48Who says that?
08:49Everybody.
08:51Isn't that right Moraed?
08:53That's why she had such difficulty at school making friends.
08:57Weren't enough other middling children.
09:00You're only middling Moraed.
09:01Woo.
09:02We are done here.
09:03Jack is too young for you.
09:04It's disgusting.
09:04He's basically like your grandson.
09:06No not by blood.
09:08Ah she's got a point there.
09:09I mean it wouldn't be illegal now would it?
09:11No but that doesn't make it right.
09:12Yeah it's still messed up all rightly.
09:15Spiritually.
09:15Yeah spiritually.
09:17So why don't you just stop trying to score with him and be normal for once.
09:24Over this way my lady.
09:25You didn't say down on yourself.
09:27Enough.
09:27That is a gorgeous jacket.
09:31I'm going to be your granddad boy.
09:32I'm not going to be my granddad.
09:34I'm not calling you granddad.
09:35I'm going to be your granddad.
09:37I'm going to be your granddad.
09:37I'm your granddad boy.
09:38You respect me I'm your granddad.
09:44No no.
09:45What are you doing?
09:47Ah ah ah ah.
09:48Oh fuck.
09:49Oh god.
09:49Oh god.
09:52Oh god.
09:58So.
10:00How have you been anyway?
10:02Fine.
10:02No thanks to you.
10:04Um.
10:05It's a fine day for a drive isn't it?
10:08Yeah.
10:09Yeah.
10:09Beautiful blue skies isn't it?
10:11Brilliant.
10:11God he's the dead spit of your father.
10:14Ah.
10:14You barely knew dad.
10:16You couldn't pick him out of a line up.
10:17I stayed around long enough to have you didn't I?
10:20What more do you want?
10:21Oh no no.
10:22That's plenty.
10:23Thank you very much.
10:24Thank you so much for having me and then abandoning me.
10:27Boy I think we should block our heroes or something.
10:29This feels sort of private no?
10:31I didn't abandon you for heaven's sakes.
10:34I had to leave.
10:35You seem to do fine with that other family.
10:37Where are they now anyway?
10:38Why aren't you bothering them for your birthday?
10:40I wanted to meet Neil.
10:42His name's Noel.
10:43Oh.
10:45Noel.
10:45Neil.
10:46Whatever.
10:47He's still my grandson.
10:49Also I don't speak to the others.
10:51We fell out.
10:53What?
10:54I stayed around for a bit.
10:56But then the boomtown rats went on tour.
11:00What?
11:00You toured with them?
11:02I followed them around yeah.
11:05Why?
11:05He's very sick.
11:07Anyway.
11:08I wasn't meant to be a mother.
11:11Honestly.
11:12It's a shit job.
11:13No.
11:14That's what I say too.
11:15I always say be a dad.
11:17Much easier.
11:18More fun.
11:19Well said.
11:22What now?
11:23He took a shit in the bath.
11:25And?
11:25I didn't even know that was a thing.
11:27Oh.
11:28He's pissing on me now already.
11:30He's pissing on me.
11:31Grow up and deal with it alright?
11:32He's your kid too.
11:37Is she always this moody?
11:39I'll answer this one.
11:42Yes.
11:43I even got my driver's license and she won't let me behind the wheels.
11:45Can you believe that?
11:46Yeah.
11:47Even despite her condition.
11:48I don't have a condition.
11:50Are so light.
11:51Exactly.
11:52That's it.
11:53That's what I said you had.
11:54My man.
11:55Yeah she is a witch.
11:56You bleak this.
12:00You're like a cat that lived a thousand lives.
12:03A thousand rides more like.
12:04Oh Van used to say that sort of stuff to me all the time.
12:08Van Morrison.
12:10I used to babysit him.
12:12I've heard of him.
12:12You're not full of shit you know that.
12:13Van Morrison is older than you.
12:14You couldn't babysit him.
12:15Brown eyed girl.
12:16That one's about me.
12:17You have blue eyes.
12:19Oh my god.
12:20It's all right to smoke in here.
12:22What?
12:23No.
12:23No.
12:24I quit smoking.
12:25Boys.
12:26Oh yeah.
12:27Go any further and you will be walking home.
12:29That is so unfair.
12:32Yeah my age.
12:32We never told us our man was such a legend.
12:34Yeah she's like a proper that.
12:36Like not a small one like.
12:37A big one like.
12:38Massive one.
12:39Yeah well you didn't grow up with her.
12:40Yeah well yeah.
12:41Neither did you.
12:42She does.
12:45Alright my mum.
12:45Relax like.
12:46I was only making a good pint.
12:48She's hot too.
12:48Yoo hoo.
12:50This is Killian.
12:53He's looking for a ride.
12:55And I said we have room.
12:58Absolutely not.
12:59Oh come on.
13:00Share and share alike.
13:01No offence Luke but don't think he looks a bit like a murderer.
13:05Silly.
13:07Just watching my address.
13:09Do you Killian?
13:11Murder.
13:13See.
13:15Wait was that a yes or a no?
13:16Well his head said yes but his mouth said no.
13:19Look there's no room.
13:20Fine.
13:21But if you're not going to let my new friend come.
13:25Then you're going to have to let Connor drive.
13:28We all have to make compromises.
13:32Fine Connor can drive.
13:34Holy shit.
13:40I'll never forget you.
13:43No no no not that way.
13:44No no not that way.
13:45No no not that way.
13:46Ten and two.
13:47Ten and two.
13:48Ten and two.
13:51Nice family.
13:52Then there was a time when she came home from school and told me she needed glasses.
13:57I did need glasses alright I couldn't see the blackboard.
14:01I said to her.
14:03Come here.
14:04Do you see that moon up there?
14:06I said that moon is 400,000 miles away.
14:11It's fuck all wrong with your eyesight.
14:13That's good.
14:14Ten and two okay.
14:15You keep saying that but I don't know what that means.
14:17Like a clock okay.
14:19Hands at ten and two.
14:20Yeah well the clock's on my phone so that doesn't make any sense.
14:22Let the boy just do it his way.
14:25It's my son okay.
14:25I'll handle it how I like.
14:26I'm just trying to help.
14:28Okay.
14:28Thanks but don't.
14:29Can you, can you just.
14:31He don't.
14:31Will you just sit back alright?
14:33Get your hands off of me.
14:39Ah shit.
14:42Ah thank god he's breathing.
14:45Hey what we could do.
14:47CPR.
14:49I've got men.
14:51Jesus Christ.
14:52You're an animal.
14:53Sorry like it was the humane thing to do con.
14:56Sorry sorry boy sorry.
14:58Somebody put me out of my misery.
14:59We can't just leave him here.
15:01We need to give him a proper burial.
15:03Oh you're so emotional.
15:05You're definitely your mother's child.
15:13Mommy's brain fell out.
15:19So we're gathered here today to celebrate the life of Rabbit De Niro.
15:24He's gone but certainly not forgotten.
15:29Would anyone like to say a few words?
15:30Okay.
15:32Listen.
15:33When I go.
15:34Keep these two boys away from me with their tears.
15:38Dancing and drinking.
15:40That's the way you're supposed to send someone off.
15:43I'll be in the car having a fag.
15:46Or doing anything other than this.
15:53I didn't know you too well, Rabbit De Niro.
15:57I know you like carrots.
16:00Hopping around.
16:02And shagging.
16:04Rabbits love shagging.
16:07Once saw a rabbit looking out a fox.
16:10I'm sorry for what I did to you.
16:14Gone but not forgotten.
16:19It's good.
16:21Oh Danny boy.
16:24The pipes, the pipes are calling.
16:30From Glen to Glen.
16:33And down the mountainside.
16:38The solar sky.
16:41And I am going to die.
17:01Cheer up boys.
17:03You're bringing my mood down.
17:05Even be with you.
17:06And get over it in his own time.
17:07That's the problem with your generation.
17:10You're too soft on your kids.
17:11They don't grow up.
17:13That what you were doing with me, is it?
17:15Forcing me to grow up.
17:17Think I was a bit young for that, don't you?
17:19I'm getting a bit sick of your poor me stuff.
17:22You had more than I ever have.
17:24You don't see me complaining.
17:26All you do is complain.
17:27You complain about being a mother.
17:28No, I don't want to talk about it anymore.
17:30Yeah, well I do.
17:31Okay?
17:31You at least owe me that.
17:33I gave you life.
17:34I was sick every day for nine months cooking you inside me.
17:39What more do you want?
17:42A mother.
17:43Oh.
17:45Don't be so dramatic.
17:47Dramatic?
17:48You abandoned me.
17:49You took the easy way out.
17:51I didn't want a kid.
17:53Breathe, breathe.
17:54Yeah, but I didn't bail on him, did I?
17:56Well, somehow it's always about you.
17:59And it's my birthday.
18:01It is never about me.
18:03It's literally never about me.
18:04I wish for just once it was about me.
18:06Your yelling is exhausting me.
18:09I'm going to have a nap.
18:11Have your nap.
18:13Hope you don't wake up.
18:18I am.
18:20I might try for a nap too.
18:28No, please, come on.
18:30I'm trying to do it here, alright?
18:40Ah, fuck.
18:46Give me a chance, alright?
18:47All right?
18:49Drink your drinks and eat your sheets.
18:52It's part of the time.
19:01Hello.
19:03Are we glad to see you?
19:05How was it?
19:06Fine, she's just asleep in the car probably a drunken coma.
19:12How is she?
19:13I'm just the idiot who ruined everybody's life, so how would I know?
19:15Very quick.
19:30Bridget?
19:31Sleepy head.
19:33Wakey, wakey, rise and shine.
19:36Uh, Bridget?
19:42Bridget, I'm Tony. Oh, Jesus!
19:43Uh, okay.
19:45Okay, don't panic.
19:46Don't panic.
19:46Uh, pulse.
19:48Oh, shit, okay.
19:49No pulse.
19:50Maureen!
19:51Maureen!
19:53Maureen!
19:53Come quick!
19:55She's done this on purpose.
19:56We shouldn't be doing this.
19:57We should be informing the guards.
19:59You are the guards.
20:00Consider yourself informed.
20:01Well, keep our legs up, will you?
20:02God, she's heavy.
20:05I don't want to save you.
20:07God!
20:11Do you think I should give her a hug?
20:14Hope's not going to bring her back to life, boy, is it?
20:17No, Jack.
20:17Not her.
20:20The other one.
20:24The funeral home said they can't come and pick her up until tomorrow.
20:29What?
20:29So, like, she's just staying tonight here?
20:31Yeah.
20:32Oi, do you think we'll get to eat the dinner?
20:35We have some respect, but our mom's mom is dead.
20:38Oi, I'm starving.
20:39I'll be the one dead if we won't eat soon.
20:41You know, I can hear you two idiots.
20:43Our hands are up.
20:44Yeah.
20:47We should eat.
20:48We promised her we'd throw her the best party we could, so that's what we're going to do.
20:52Love, I think you might still be in shock.
20:53She's not going to ruin the party we're throwing for her by deciding to die.
20:57One question.
20:58Does she still have a soul?
21:00Yeah.
21:02Or is that daddy's wife?
21:07Is it right? This is good stuff.
21:09Oh, that's so bad, you know.
21:10Yeah.
21:11Except for the prick garden and stuff.
21:13Yeah.
21:13Stay for that.
21:17This isn't right.
21:18It's too much salt.
21:20No.
21:22She's over there on her own like this is supposed to be her party.
21:29Why did I have to be the one sat next to her?
21:34Why am I doing that? That's creepy boy.
21:43a toast.
21:45To the old witch!
21:46To the old witch!
21:49Cheers.
21:53Hey, do you want to tell me?
21:54Wait, wait, bud.
21:57I'm not nice.
21:59See you.
22:02When I passed you in the doorway, well, you took me with a glance.
22:09I should have took that last little storm, but I asked you for a dance.
22:14Now we go steady to the pictures, I always get chocolate stains on my pants.
22:22And my father, he's going crazy, he says I'm living in a trance.
22:27But I'm dancing in the moonlight, it's cat me in its spotlight.
22:33It's all about dancing in the moonlight, on this long hot summer night.
22:51Happy birthday, ma'am.
22:54I threw this party for you, I hope you liked it.
22:59I don't know why I did, you wouldn't have done it for me.
23:03You never did anything for me.
23:06But I had Connor, I was all alone, and you weren't there for me.
23:12All I needed was someone to talk to, and tell me everything was going to be all right.
23:20It's all I needed, and you weren't there for me.
23:25And I miss my ma'am, and I love my ma'am.
23:30Can I just wish you loved me back?
23:39I'm so sorry I was a shit man, I'm gone.
23:41Oh, no, no, don't say that.
23:44I was scared, and I was young.
23:47I love you so much, I'd never have it any other way, you know that.
23:53You did your best, ma'am.
23:55You always did your best.
23:59And you know what, in some way, I'd say she did, too.
24:08I was better than her, though, wasn't I?
24:10Oh, yeah, way better.
24:14To Bridget.
24:15To Bridget.
24:19And to Marie.
24:21Yeah.
24:21Right?
24:22To Marie.
24:23Yeah.
24:35You always know what I'm about to sparkle.
24:39Hang on, wait, wait, wait.
24:41Let Healy get it.
24:45Even the bomb going off wouldn't like that, man.
24:48One thing about being a man, is that once you are one, it never ends.
24:52And a job that never ends.
24:54That's got to be the toughest job in the world.
24:57Right.
24:58See Granny.
24:59So just maybe, we should give all mothers a break.
25:03Because even the ones that do jump ship, they've already done more work than any man.
25:07They deserve a rest.
25:09Rest in peace, Granny Bridget.
25:11Answer me.
25:11Rudyard Bick.
25:11Bye.
25:11Bye.
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