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We deliver full episodes of top drama series across romance, thriller, mystery, crime, and emotional storytelling. From Turkish dramas and Asian series to global hits, our content is carefully selected to match what audiences are searching for right now.
SeriesVerse Global specializes in multi-language subtitles, including English Sub, Español Sub, and Arabic Sub, helping viewers from all over the world enjoy their favorite shows without language barriers.
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TVTranscript
00:02What the hell was that?
00:09Hello? Jay?
00:16Surprise!
00:18Carol! What are you doing here? You got sucked off!
00:21You're right! And I've been having a blast up there!
00:24I can't say too much, but they have pickleball!
00:27That's it! That's all I'll say!
00:28Carol, what is happening?
00:30I'm your little Christmas Carol.
00:32You see, around Christmas, we Carols are given special powers, including the ability to grant wishes.
00:37Oh, also, we can give out candy canes!
00:43I think there's been some sort of misunderstanding. I didn't make a wish.
00:47Oh, yes, you did. You said, and I quote,
00:50I wish I had never been able to see ghosts.
00:54Okay, so why are you here?
00:57I'm here to show you what your life would be like if you'd never tripped on that vase, if you
01:02had never fallen down the stairs, if you had never gained the ability to see ghosts.
01:07Wow. So let's get this started.
01:09Sam, you're coming with me.
01:14Well, that was supposed to whoosh us away, but it's my first time.
01:18Hey, I need to get some steps in anyway. Let's go.
01:20You know, Carol, I'm actually feeling a little silly about this whole wishing not to see ghosts thing.
01:25Holy crap. Am I day drinking with Sasha and Libby?
01:28Sam, this eggnog is delicious.
01:31And these gingerbread men you made.
01:32So cute.
01:33Not to brag, but I think this one is flirting with me.
01:36Look at you, just enjoying a little Christmas Eve tipple with two of your closest gal pals.
01:41But I don't get it. Sasha thinks I'm crazy.
01:43No, Sasha thought you were crazy because she caught you performing a seance for the ghosts.
01:48And she thought you and Jay were murderers. But that was because of the ghosts.
01:51In this world, none of that happened.
01:54So she thinks I'm sane.
01:55Yep. And not just sane. Funny.
01:59Short, bald, and covered in crumbs.
02:01I'm sorry, is this a gingerbread man or the guy I dated before Jay?
02:06Sam, you are hilarious.
02:08Without the ghosts interrupting you all the time, you're actually a much better conversationalist.
02:12Man, I love to see these ladies in bikinis. How does this place out of a hot tub?
02:17Ugh, disgusting.
02:18Right?
02:19But you can't hear him, so you don't care.
02:21I hate to say it, but we've gotta run.
02:23Next time at my place?
02:24Uh, do you have wine?
02:26Of course.
02:27Then yeah, I think I'll be there.
02:33So, what am I doing now?
02:35Oh, just sitting there. Since you're not always taking care of the ghosts, you actually have time to yourself.
02:41Whoa. I can't remember the last time I just sat and read a book.
02:44And look at me, I don't even mind that Trevor's reading over my shoulder.
02:47I'm pretty sure he's trying to look down your dress, but hey, you don't know, so who cares?
02:52Stupid camisole, I'm getting nothing.
02:55So, if I have all this free time, I guess that means the B&B still isn't doing very well.
03:00Are you kidding? Without the ghosts to worry about, you've really been able to throw yourself into making this place
03:05a success.
03:07The B&B is thriving.
03:10Oh, come on.
03:13Woodstone B&B, how may I help you?
03:15Freddy! He used to work here, he was incredible, but he quit.
03:19He quit because of the ghosts, but now he's all in on Woodstone.
03:22I'm so sorry, we don't have any availability until January 17th.
03:26Hold on, the B&B is sold out?
03:28Great, we'll see you then!
03:31Who keeps searching Girls Gone Wild on this thing?
03:34Should've gone to Arizona State?
03:36I'm home!
03:38Hey, Freddy!
03:39Jay, I missed you!
03:40I missed you too!
03:43Uh-oh, mistletoe!
03:45Oh!
03:47She could do so much better.
03:49I gotta admit, this life looks pretty great.
03:52And Trevor seems pretty much the same.
03:54How are the other ghosts doing?
03:55Well, why don't we find out?
03:58It's still not working.
04:00Looks like we're huffing it again.
04:02And that concludes my lecture on different kinds of knots.
04:05Tomorrow, Thorfinn will be giving a talk on trout.
04:07We'll be similar to herring lecture, but more trout-focused.
04:11I'm in hell.
04:12Okay, so this all seems pretty standard.
04:13I guess the ghosts are just doing the same kind of stuff they did before I met them.
04:17So, Alberta, are you excited for upcoming wedding?
04:20Aww, Alberta and Pete are getting married. That's sweet.
04:23Yeah, I mean, I get to sing, which would be a nice little treat for everybody.
04:26Although, I may be a little surprised they're finally going through with it.
04:30Oh, so it's not Pete and Alberta.
04:32You know what? If they're happy, I'm happy.
04:34Well, one of them is definitely happy.
04:36Carol, who are they talking about?
04:38Hello!
04:40We look forward to seeing you at our nuptials this afternoon.
04:45Huzzah!
04:46Isaac and Hedy? But that is impossible.
04:48And yet, in this world, it's happening.
04:50Your wish.
04:51We just wanted to remind you that the ceremony is to begin promptly at 2 o'clock.
04:55Weather permitting, of course.
04:57Wedding is indoors, my love.
04:59Right, right, right.
05:00Could be a tornado.
05:01No, no.
05:02The only tornado should be tonight.
05:05In our marriage bid.
05:07Oh, God.
05:15Wait, wait, wait, wait. Carol, what is going on?
05:17Isaac can't marry Hedy? He's... gay.
05:21Why did you whisper that?
05:22I don't know. It seemed like a weird thing to shout.
05:24Here's the thing.
05:25Isaac only came out because you were there to support him.
05:28Without you, he still hasn't figured out who he truly is.
05:32Huh.
05:33I guess I did have kind of a big effect on him.
05:35You've had a big effect on all of them.
05:37Without you, Robert never found out who killed her.
05:40Though we're still having his night terrors, and Pete never learned he could leave the property.
05:44He never even tried?
05:45He was told he couldn't, and the man loves rules.
05:48He won a goldfish at the state fair once and reported it on our taxes.
05:53Let me guess, he also tried to report a free sample from the grocery store.
05:58It's actually the other Sam that's funny. Come on, have a lot to show you.
06:02Christmas is always one of the toughest times to be dead.
06:05Wondering about my family.
06:07Are they doing okay?
06:08Do they even think about me?
06:10They do.
06:10Your daughter, Laura, named her son after you.
06:13Pete doesn't know that.
06:14In this world, you never invited me here to dedicate that weird bench.
06:18Pete never watched Laura get married.
06:20He doesn't even know little Pete.
06:22Boar will also miss his family.
06:24Leave behind.
06:25Young son.
06:26We'll never get to know what he like as man.
06:29No, Boar.
06:30Your son is like a hundred yards away.
06:32Tragic.
06:33I hope he grew up to be great warrior.
06:36Kill many Danes.
06:38Never eat best friend.
06:40What?
06:40Nothing.
06:41Random example not taken from Thor's life.
06:43The nice thing about the holidays is that the girls on the dating apps are lonely as hell.
06:49I'm talking like six separate livings right now.
06:51One may fly in from Miami to meet up.
06:53What do you hope happens when she gets here?
06:55I don't know.
06:56Maybe she'll choke on something and die.
06:58It happens.
06:58I get it.
06:59Sex with women.
07:01Nothing like it.
07:02Which I know because of the 43 times.
07:04Oh, that's right.
07:05Sas is still hiding the fact that he's a virgin.
07:07This is painful.
07:09Has anyone found love?
07:10What about Thor and Flower?
07:12Not even close.
07:13Flower fell into the well two years ago.
07:16Flower's in the well?
07:16Well, she was until you filled it with cement.
07:19So now she's lost in the dirt.
07:21A fact she keeps forgetting and then quickly rediscovers in an endless cycle of horror.
07:26Okay.
07:26So is that it?
07:27Or do you have more bad news to show me?
07:29More bad news?
07:31The basement ghosts are really upset about your shiny new water heater.
07:36Wait.
07:37Everyone shut up.
07:39I think I heard a gurgle.
07:42Oh, there it is again.
07:44Sorry.
07:44That was my tummy.
07:45Oh, damn it, Stuart.
07:47You got our hopes up for nothing, you toad's ass.
07:50This newfangled water heater hasn't made a peep since that blonde witch put it in.
07:54God, I hate her.
07:56She's very rude.
07:57Last week I saw her drop a piece of pizza on the ground and pick it up and eat it.
08:01And it fell cheese side down.
08:04I think we can move on.
08:08What's going on here?
08:10Hedy, I need to talk to you about the wedding.
08:11Are you still waffling on a best man?
08:13I do agree.
08:15Slim pickings.
08:16But Sasami's probably presents the most handsome stage picture.
08:20No.
08:21It's...
08:21It's more than that.
08:23Oh my gosh.
08:23Is he gonna tell her?
08:24Could you just watch?
08:26You'd be a very annoying person to go see a movie with.
08:28Maybe we push it.
08:29What?
08:30Why rush a wedding in the dead of winter when spring is just around the corner?
08:34We were supposed to get married in spring.
08:36Last spring.
08:37And you wanted to push till summer citing the April racket of the birds.
08:41But then summer was too hot and then fall came around and you started whining about how it's the season
08:45when you're most sleepy.
08:46I've always been very sleepy in the fall. Everyone knows that.
08:48Isaac! What's wrong?
08:50If there is something else going on, just tell me.
08:55Well...
08:56Actually...
08:57Come on.
08:59Isaac, tell her.
09:00She's your dearest friend.
09:01You can trust her.
09:05Wedding prank.
09:07I'm sorry.
09:07What?
09:08You've been wedding pranked.
09:13Score one for Higginshoot.
09:14You should've seen the look on your face.
09:16You were freaking out.
09:18Indeed.
09:21I don't want to have this talk again.
09:23Oh, sounds like the show's about to start. Come on.
09:25It's Christmas Eve.
09:25You can't go back into the city already.
09:27You just got home.
09:28I don't know what you want me to tell you.
09:29I have to work.
09:30Mmm, these two back at it.
09:33Classic Sam and Jay fight.
09:34It's like tiffs between Whoopie and Megan.
09:36But they can't cut the commercial.
09:38We get to see everything.
09:40Wait, why is Jay working in the city?
09:42Jay never wanted to move out here, remember?
09:44He only stayed because of your accident.
09:46But in this world, you were just pulling him away from his cooking and his friends and his career.
09:52Didn't he open his own restaurant at the B&B?
09:54Without the ghosts, the idea for Mahesh never came up.
09:57So Jay's resentment built until he finally took a job back in the city.
10:01Ooh, Sam's mad. There goes the pain.
10:03Can't you just call in sick or something?
10:05I don't want to call in sick. I love my job.
10:08Yeah, but you're never here.
10:09I never wanted to be here. You dragged me here.
10:15Not nice to drag people places. Skin on back of head wear way quicker than you think.
10:21There's one time.
10:22I don't want to hear with the law.
10:23We seemed so happy together this morning.
10:26A performance for your assistant, Freddy. He's seen so many of your fights, so now you guys overcompensate in front
10:32of him.
10:33Okay, let's give this one more shot.
10:37Isaac Higantut and Henrietta Woodstone.
10:39Holy crap! It worked!
10:41It's so lovely to be gathered here today with you and all of our closest friends.
10:44Oh, it's the wedding. Fun.
10:44My sincere hope is that the two of you enjoy a marriage as loving and as loyal as what I
10:50had with Carol.
10:51Whoopsie.
10:51Now, if anyone here sees any reason why these two should not wed, then now would be a great time
10:56to pipe up.
10:58Nothing?
11:00Really?
11:02Captain Higantut.
11:03Lieutenant Colonel Chesop.
11:05You've come.
11:06Yes, I know we've had our differences, but I couldn't let you get married without saying.
11:13Come on, Nigel. You got this.
11:16Congratulations.
11:18Okay.
11:20Well, I guess there's nothing left to do.
11:22Except continue.
11:26Unless...
11:26Anyone?
11:28Look at me. I'm 15 feet away from this train wreck and there's nothing I can do.
11:34Why do I look so happy? Jay and I just had a huge fight.
11:37Well, you're not going to want to hear this one, but with you and Jay growing apart, you started an
11:41emotional affair with someone you met online.
11:44What? Who?
11:48No. No, no, no.
11:56No!
11:57Okay, I'll call you when I get to the city.
11:59No, Jay, don't go!
12:01Okay. Hedy, do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband?
12:05I do.
12:06You've got to stop this. None of this is right.
12:09I'm sorry, Sam. It's too late.
12:10What do you mean?
12:11Isaac, do you take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife?
12:14You made a wish and I was sent here to grant it.
12:17I do.
12:18But this isn't what I want.
12:20Hedy and Isaac, I now pronounce you husband and wife. Isaac, you may kiss the bride.
12:30That's it. The tour's over. This is now your life. Merry Christmas, Sam.
12:40No!
12:42Oh, great. That's a lot of jerks. I mean, I love ya.
12:47Oh.
12:52Carol? Carol! Come back!
12:55What's wrong with Sam?
12:57I want things to go back to the way they were. I want Pete and Alberta to be dating again.
13:01Me and Pete? How does she know our names?
13:04Sass shouldn't be hiding the fact that he's a virgin.
13:06Virgin? Okay, so that's all my satisfied customers.
13:09And I want to live in a world where Isaac is proud to be gay.
13:13Gay? A red-blooded billy goat like me? You jest.
13:18Most of all, I want Jay back. I don't care if things aren't perfect or if our life is complicated
13:26sometimes. I just want to face it all with him.
13:29I wish things could go back to how they were. I wish I could see ghosts again.
13:38That's my girl. Welcome back, Sam.
13:47I can see you.
13:48Eddie, can you hear me?
13:50Alberta, can you see me?
13:52What's with Sam? She sounds like Yentl.
13:54Oh, thank God! I made a terrible wish that I couldn't see ghosts, and then Carol granted it.
13:59My Carol?
14:00Yes, but she was Christmas Carol, and everything was messed up.
14:04You were there, Isaac, but you were marrying Hetty.
14:07And you were there, Thor, but you didn't know your son.
14:10Was I there?
14:11I don't really remember. The point is, I regret what he said. I'm sorry.
14:16I'm so happy I could see you guys. I was just upset.
14:19Hey, uh, I was just talking to that guy, babe, and I'm not-
14:25Whoa. What was that for?
14:27For everything. I love you, Jay.
14:33Whoa. I think I fell asleep for a few minutes, but then the smooching woke me up.
14:38Hey man, it's Flower.
14:40What? What's happening?
14:44Jay, it's me. Flower possessed me. Thor did it as a gift to her.
14:48Next year, we'll only give sex coupon. It's enough.
14:52What? Okay, well, we gotta get Flower out of you before this interview.
14:55What interview? I thought I blew the interview.
14:57What are you talking about? The interview hasn't happened yet. You were just getting your makeup done.
15:02There she is. It's showtime.
15:06Hey man, aren't you that guy from TV?
15:08You know, I was on TV once. I flashed the second basement at a San Francisco Giants game.
15:14Cool. Maybe we don't mention stuff like that on the air. Huh? This way, please.
15:20Flower? Sam? Flower Sam?
15:22Okay, this is right over here. Cool.
15:25Uh, guys, you know what? Um, actually, I think Sam needs to go outside for just a minute.
15:30Sorry, we're about to go live.
15:32We need to buy Sam some time to regain control and get to the boundary. I got this.
15:41Uh, Walter, just a minute. I'm picking up a weird room tone. Guys, can we fix this? Now?
15:46Tiny camera. Feel Odin's wrath!
15:50Oh, we lost picture. Unbelievable.
15:53Alright, we need a battery change on camera one.
15:55This is incredible teamwork. And if it were St. Patrick's Day, I'd be jumping in with a contribution of my
15:59own.
16:04Whoa, what the? Hey, hold the roll. Let's get this cleaned up.
16:07Alright, we're taking a Type 2 and we're going live.
16:10Take control, Sam. This is your moment.
16:14I'm back.
16:14No, go! Get to the boundary!
16:18Run! Like there's a sail at Old Navy!
16:30Man, the Pringles were good.
16:33Sorry about all that possession stuff, Sam.
16:35All good!
16:36She's back!
16:38Alright, I think we're good to go.
16:40Camera's ready?
16:41You good, babe?
16:44We're live in three.
16:48That's right, Jill.
16:49I'm here in New York's Hudson Valley with the author of Isaac Higgintooth, Colonial Vampire.
16:54Hey Sam, thanks for being here.
16:55Thank you so much for having me.
16:57And so this is a book where you can have a laugh, maybe a cry, and hopefully learn something about
17:02the origins of our nation.
17:04Well, I certainly enjoyed when George Washington turned into a bat. Did that really happen?
17:09I'm kidding, of course.
17:11Well, anyhow, thanks, Sam.
17:12Jill, back to you.
17:14Oh, you crushed it, Sam!
17:16And if I had money and the ability to turn pages, I would buy your book for sure.
17:20Babe, you were amazing.
17:22Thanks, Jay.
17:23I couldn't have done it without you.
17:25Without any of you.
17:27I just feel so lucky to have all of you in my life.
17:30Even Thor?
17:31Yes, Thor. Even you.
17:33And not to relitigate, but you did sort of say to surprise you.
17:38We'll leave it at that.
17:39I know the possession wasn't ideal, but it was a really groovy gift.
17:43I mean, I got to take drugs for the first time in 60 years.
17:47I'm sorry, what do you mean you took drugs?
17:48The mistletoe, the drug I got from Gabe.
17:50I took it, well, we took it, on my way back from the restaurant.
17:54Wow, look at that. You were high as a kite.
17:57I suppose that explains this whole visit from Carol nonsense.
18:01I guess it does.
18:03Okay, I can't help it. I gotta watch it again.
18:05I'm so proud of you, babe.
18:16Hey, Trevor, help me out with this scratch and sniff Sam got me for Christmas.
18:22Come on, come on, come on.
18:27Wow.
18:29For a piece of paper with cartoon eyes and a pepperoni bow tie?
18:32That's pretty good.
18:33Greetings.
18:36Patience.
18:37What's up?
18:38I come with good news.
18:40Your disappointment at our parting gave me pause.
18:43What? What are you saying?
18:44I am saying that I now believe that we should be together.
18:50Yeah, but different worlds.
18:54Oh.
18:55Sometimes that first thought is the best thought.
18:57Oh, but that can be remedied.
18:59I have met your friends and you can meet my people.
19:02Where's this going?
19:03Trevor Lefkowitz,
19:04brother of the overground, son of Abraham, holder of my heart.
19:08Allow me to introduce you to the others.
19:19Hey, I'm Bruce and this is brother Richard, my beautiful wife, Sunrise, and her husband, male number 28.
19:28Sometimes people call me Ted.
19:29So is this like some sort of cult?
19:31Oh, we don't like that word.
19:33It's not a cult.
19:34It's a family.
19:35Great legs, by the way.
19:37Oh, thanks.
19:38Died on leg day.
19:39Like to think I retained some pump.
19:41This is Trevor, the Jewish fellow I was telling you about.
19:43Oh, her monotheistic religion as well.
19:46We worship Bruce.
19:48Yeah.
19:49He's a guy we met at a cream concert.
19:51And now he's our one true God.
19:53The meteorite chose him.
19:55Wait a minute.
19:56Meteorite?
19:57Has anyone seen my classes?
19:59Oh, wait.
20:01Nevermind.
20:02Flower?
20:04Bruce.
20:05You know of him?
20:07Yeah.
20:08He was my cult leader.
20:09Babe, check it out.
20:11The GEK 3000.
20:13The most powerful street legal metal detector you can get.
20:17Okay, but why did you get this?
20:19It's for Bimini.
20:20All those white sandy beaches and drunk honeymooners.
20:22I find two wedding rings the trip is paid for.
20:25Oh, that's right.
20:25You guys are leaving for your big group trip to Bimini today.
20:28Were you just in the bathroom?
20:30Oh, yeah.
20:31Yeah.
20:31New thing I'm doing.
20:32You know, I was thinking about it.
20:33Hey, babe.
20:34It's got an injection molded grip.
20:35Sorry, Pete's just explaining why he still uses the bathroom.
20:38Yeah, I'll hold for that.
20:40You know, back when I was alive, sure, going to the bathroom served a practical function,
20:43but it was also just a nice little break in the day.
20:46So you're just sitting in there?
20:48Yeah.
20:48You know, why let the fact that I can't metabolize food or produce feces keep me from enjoying a moment's
20:52peace?
20:53Sam, we got four new ghosts.
20:55It's Bruce and some old friends from my cult.
20:58Not a cult.
20:58A family.
21:00So, this is the living who can see ghosts?
21:02Yeah, and her husband, he's just a regular.
21:05Sam, you won't believe it.
21:06This thing can detect a coin up to 12 feet deep.
21:08Sorry, Jay.
21:09There's a bunch of new ghosts, one of whom is Flower's old cult leader, Bruce.
21:14Tough day to debut the metal detector.
21:16But where they all come from?
21:17Four been on property a thousand years.
21:20Never seen.
21:21It was summer 1970.
21:23Our community was being unfairly targeted by the authorities, so we needed to go into hiding.
21:29And one of our members knew about an old bunker.
21:32A Cold War era fallout shelter where we'd be safe and secure forever.
21:36There was a carbon monoxide leak and we all died on the first night.
21:39We chosen ones stayed behind, but most of the family ascended to the great asteroid belt.
21:46Oh, I believe you said they went to Io, Jupiter's third largest moon?
21:51Right.
21:52Richard, on it as usual.
21:54Wait, you're saying there's a bunker full of dead bodies on the property?
21:57Seriously?
21:59Well, if they've been here since the 70s, this feels kind of like an after Bimini situation
22:03to deal with, so I'm gonna go pack.
22:06Bruce, I can't believe you're back.
22:09We have so much to catch up on.
22:11I'm Thor.
22:13Boyfriend of Flower.
22:14Oh, well, nice to meet you, Thor.
22:17You know, we have a saying in the bunker.
22:20Boyfriends come and go, but family is forever.
22:25Actually, I believe you said...
22:26I swear to God, Richard!
22:27I mean...
22:29Peace and love, Brother Richard.
22:31So, what did you think of my friends?
22:35Oh, they seem great.
22:37Oh, good.
22:37Then with the formality of introductions behind us, our courtship can proceed with the intention
22:42of marriage.
22:43Wait.
22:43Marriage?
22:44There she is.
22:46How yous doing?
22:47Is this the man I've been hearing so much about?
22:50Kitty!
22:51I'm sorry.
22:53Who's this?
22:54Oh, tis my truest friend of opera.
22:56We met in the dirt.
22:58Hey Legs, did you know your hoogies out?
23:02Are you from Philadelphia?
23:03Does a mummer take a leak on Two Street?
23:05South Philly girl, born and raised.
23:08Wow.
23:09Ask if we want to go to the beach for dessert.
23:12You just want to go down the shore for some water ice?
23:14Oh my God.
23:16You know, I once went down to the shore.
23:19A beautiful place to drown a witch.
23:23You led the surrender from Fort Ticonderoga?
23:26I read about that in high school, man.
23:28That's far out!
23:30Well, any surrender is the work of many hands, but I did sort of get the ball rolling
23:34on the whole giving up thing.
23:35Hey, it takes great courage to run away like that.
23:38You might even be family material.
23:41Oh, I hope you don't like sleeping with women.
23:43I don't.
23:44Hey guys.
23:45Oh, hey Isaac.
23:47I was just sitting here when they came in.
23:48Now we're hanging out.
23:49They think I'm cool.
23:52Flower, I can't believe our heavenly souls have been reunited.
23:57But in fact, it is just as the meteorite predicted.
24:02All hail the meteorite, the source of all wisdom.
24:06Yeah, about that.
24:08When I was alive, you said that the meteorite predicted the world would end on February 13th,
24:142025.
24:15Exactly.
24:16But that date came and went, and the world didn't end.
24:20Right.
24:20Well, the thing about that is, when I received the math from the meteorite, I forgot to carry
24:30the one.
24:30So you're saying that the meteorite didn't give you a date that the world would end?
24:34It gave you an equation?
24:36That's right.
24:41Makes sense to me.
24:43Math is hard.
24:45You ready, babe?
24:46Karen and Libby are picking us up for the airport.
24:48They're going to be here any minute.
24:49Yep, I'm ready.
24:50Are you still bringing the metal detector?
24:52That depends.
24:53Do you want to be the most popular people on this group trip?
24:57He's got a point.
24:58Everybody wants to talk to the guy with the metal detector.
25:00It's a great icebreaker.
25:01Or use Axe to break ice.
25:03I've come with news.
25:05Flower has rejoined the cult.
25:07Oh no.
25:08That's very bad.
25:10And more news.
25:12I also got in.
25:14Great, they're almost here.
25:16I'm going to get the bags.
25:17Uh, Jay, we might have to meet them at the airport.
25:19There's a bit of a ghost situation.
25:21Damn it.
25:22You know I got in on the first try?
25:24Bruce says not a lot of people get in on the first try.
25:28This is awful.
25:30Yeah, I thought that flower put all that cold stuff behind her.
25:33That car ride to the airport with Garrett and Libby was going to be prime bonding time.
25:37No, I see.
25:38He's upset about something much more trivial.
25:39It's about winning a group trip.
25:42The car ride bonding leads to the airport bonding.
25:44And by the time we're in Bimity, everyone else is on the outside looking in at us.
25:48I'm sorry, Jay.
25:49I'm just worried about flower.
25:50It's okay.
25:51We still have the metal detector.
25:52We still have our ace in the hole.
25:54Hello.
25:55Is anyone worried about me?
25:56Because I also, as previously mentioned, got in.
26:00Congratulations, Isaac.
26:01Flower makes so much progress.
26:03Many say his things to Thor.
26:04Not for Thor to say.
26:06But now Thor very worried of a flower.
26:09Well, go talk to her, big guy.
26:10If anyone can get through to her, it's you.
26:12Yeah.
26:14Thor good speaking.
26:19Oh, she's perfect.
26:20Instead of sandwich, she says hoagie.
26:22Instead of sprinkles, she says jimmies.
26:24So just break up with patients and get with Barbara.
26:26Oh, sweet innocent sass, if only were that simple.
26:28You can't dump someone and then date their best friend.
26:31Well, I mean, over the course of one year, I dated four brothers.
26:34But the rules don't apply to me.
26:35I'm birdie.
26:36I got it.
26:37I have to get patients to break up with me.
26:40Then I'm not the bad guy.
26:41The question is, how am I going to get patients to break up with this?
26:44If only there was someone on the property who was an expert on getting dumped.
26:50Oh, come on.
26:51That's a little bit hyperbolic.
26:52Well, Joe never came back.
26:53And of course, the car ghost left you for roast beef.
26:56Yeah, that was tough.
26:59Okay, not that I'm the expert.
27:01But if you want patients to break up with you,
27:04just figure out all the things that she likes about you
27:06and then just try to change those things.
27:07Well, I can't do anything about the chiseled jawline.
27:09But she does seem really into my work ethic.
27:12Maybe there's something I can do there.
27:13Great. Sounds like a plan.
27:16Thank you, sis.
27:17I stand on the shoulders of dumped giants.
27:19Glad I could help.
27:21It's so nice to have you back in the fold, Sister Flower.
27:24And just to be clear, she did not get in on her first try.
27:28Which is fine.
27:28I mean, not everybody does.
27:30Flower, can Thor speak with you?
27:33Oh, hey, Thor.
27:35I'm not sure that now is a good time.
27:38Actually, now is a perfect time.
27:39Flower had something she wanted to talk to you about.
27:41Flower?
27:43Flower, what's he talking about?
27:46Let's talk in private.
27:47I'm afraid you're not gonna like it.
27:53What about him?
27:54Did he get in on the first try?
27:56What's happening?
27:57I'm going to break up with Ulfin.
27:59No, you big Ulf.
28:01I'm gonna destroy the cult from the inside.
28:05What do you mean?
28:06Seeing all of my old friends still falling for Bruce's lies.
28:09It's just, it's too much for me to bear.
28:12So, I'm gaining their trust.
28:14And then I'm going to expose Bruce for the fraud that he is.
28:17Yes.
28:18Use deception to destroy enemy.
28:20It's like time I tell Danish Chief I want to discuss treaty,
28:23but instead use acts to kill him from the entire family.
28:27Uh, yeah.
28:28Yeah, sort of the same thing.
28:31How can Thor help?
28:32You can't.
28:33This is something I have to do on my own.
28:35Now, scream like I just broke up with you,
28:37and then storm out of here.
28:43I'm so sorry.
28:50What troubleth ye?
28:51Just wallowing in self-pity.
28:54I got fired from my job.
28:57Oh dear.
28:58Well, I am certain you will soon find another firm
29:01in need of a moneylender.
29:02No.
29:03Not interested.
29:05I'm thinking about getting into sloth.
29:08Maybe become a layabout.
29:10So, if you want to get off the T-Train,
29:13I completely understand.
29:15Oh, my beloved.
29:18The T-Train is a locomotive from which I shall never disembark.
29:22What?
29:22You're not going to break up with me?
29:25The first sign of trouble?
29:26Heavens, no.
29:28Loyalty is the most divine of virtues.
29:30But why would you want to be loyal to me?
29:33A lazy do-nothing man?
29:35No, you listen here.
29:36You are an ingenious and resourceful man
29:39with hearty quads and a supple buttock.
29:41You will find your way.
29:45I believe in you, Trevor.
29:47Really?
29:50That's, uh, that's one of the nicest things anyone's ever said to me.
29:57Patience.
29:58Patience.
30:01Bruce, why are we welcoming Sister Flower back into the family?
30:04Yeah, I thought you hated Flower.
30:06Isn't she the reason we had to go into hiding in the first place?
30:08Guys, guys, let's not gang up on Bruce.
30:10I'm sure he has his reasons.
30:11Thank you, Richard.
30:12I do have my reasons.
30:14It's true.
30:16Flower betrayed us.
30:17So, we will welcome her into our warm embrace,
30:22and then we will take our revenge.
30:26Applause.
30:34Hey there, Trevor.
30:36What are you doing?
30:37I wanted to see how you're doing.
30:40So...
30:41How you doing?
30:43Whoa.
30:44I thought you were Patience's friend.
30:46She's all right.
30:47A little creepy.
30:48Now are we doing this or what?
30:52I, uh...
30:54I don't know.
30:55Come on.
30:56Come on.
30:57I thought you liked the way I talked.
31:00Wawa.
31:02Schuylkill.
31:04Cheesesteak with wits.
31:08No, no.
31:10I can't do this.
31:11What?
31:12Barbara.
31:14You may be a stone-cold ten,
31:16and your dialect is pure, uncut sex appeal.
31:20But Patience is loyal.
31:24And...
31:24You're not.
31:26And...
31:28Oh, I think I'm into Patience.
31:32Wow.
31:33Well, you know what?
31:35You're a freakin' loser.
31:36You're a freakin' loser than all the pirate fans put together.
31:39Go Phils.
31:41I just overheard something crazy!
31:43Those lunatics are trying to make flour a little dirt weasel!
31:45Wait a minute, Peter. Slow down.
31:46What are you saying?
31:47I was going to the bathroom and I was just about to pretend to flush when I heard the cult
31:51start talking about their plan to lure Flower to the bunker and push her into the dirt.
31:55I can't believe this.
31:56They're making secret revenge plans without me?
31:58Ugh, there's always another velvet rope behind the velvet rope.
32:01Pete is saying that Bruce has an evil plan to seek revenge on Flower.
32:04What did Flower do?
32:05Apparently, after she left the cult, she blabbed to some undercover cop at Woodstock about their whereabouts, and that's why
32:11they had to go into hiding.
32:12So they blamed Flower for their death.
32:14So Flower basically killed 20 people. That's pretty hard.
32:18Flower told a cop about the cult, which caused them to go into hiding, and now they're going to take
32:21her back to the bunker and push her into the dirt.
32:23Oh no! Although, if I recall, the last time Flower was in mortal danger, the ghosts kind of handled it
32:30on their own, and I bet it was kind of empowering for them.
32:32We need to tell Flower to the TV room to stop them!
32:35Yes, and to get to the bottom of why they didn't include me in their plotting, but mainly the stopping
32:39thing!
32:40Oh! What did you do to Patience?
32:42What are you talking about?
32:44She said she walked in on you hooking up with Barbara.
32:46What? No, I rejected Barbara. It almost killed me, but I did it.
32:49Well, whatever happened, she seemed pretty upset. She said she never wants to talk to you again.
32:53Then she yelled her name three times and ran into the dirt.
32:56No! They're gone!
32:58Have you guys seen Flower or the cult?
33:00I think they went back to the bunker.
33:01What? All of them? But how could they go without male number 51?
33:05That's me!
33:06Oh no, Jay, they went back to the bunker.
33:08It's okay. Patience can lead us there.
33:10Yeah, unfortunately Patience is mad at Trevor, so she went back into the dirt, and it doesn't seem like she's
33:15going to be coming back anytime soon.
33:16Ah, a Puritan scorned!
33:18If we don't get to the bunker soon, Flower will be lost to us forever.
33:21But we don't know where the entrance to the bunker is, and I don't know how we're going to find
33:25it.
33:25That hasn't been opened in 60 years. It's probably completely grown over with grass.
33:29Huh. If only there was someone with the right equipment and the know-how to find metal in the ground.
33:34Oh wait! Boop, boop, boo! I think I found our guy!
33:40How'd that work?
33:41Jay, you know this means we'll miss our flight to Bimini.
33:43With great power comes great responsibility. Our invisible hippie friend is in the ground, and we're going to go get
33:48her because my wife fell down some stairs five years ago.
33:53Oh, cool bunker!
33:55Flower, we have some unfortunate news we need to discuss with you. You're not actually here for a 60th anniversary
34:03cult orgy.
34:05We brought you here to punish you for betraying us.
34:09What?
34:10We know that you ratted us out to a cop at Woodstock.
34:14I mean, I did talk about you guys, but I don't recall any cop. And I was just saying all
34:19the nice things about the orgies and the drugs and how smart you were with the tax evasion.
34:24Oh, wait! Now I see. Okay.
34:27Sister Flower, for your betrayal, you are hereby sentenced to an eternity in the dirt.
34:34Husbands, your ban on touching women is temporarily lifted. Now push her through the wall.
34:39No, no, no, no, wait! Wait!
34:42What is that?
34:43The GEK 3000 to the rescue!
34:47Flower! We're here for you!
34:50We made it in time. Flower's here.
34:52Back off, hippie scum.
34:53Whoa! If we could get cable down here, this would be a literal man cave!
34:57So, was everyone told about the dirting?
35:00I'm not saying I support it, but as someone who famously got into the cult on the first try, I
35:04would have loved to have at least been looped in.
35:06Flower, let's get you out of here.
35:08Wait! I can't leave yet. I came here to expose Bruce as a fraud and free all of my old
35:13friends from his grasp.
35:15What's this world talking about?
35:17Bruce preys on your desire for community and family. But real families aren't bound by manipulation.
35:23and control. Real families are bound together by love.
35:27She's crazy. And anyone who dares listen to her will never again get a nibble of my carrot.
35:33Like, these guys could have left me here to get pushed into the dirt, but they didn't.
35:37Would Bruce do the same for any of you?
35:42Oh! I'm getting a new prophecy!
35:45The meteorite says a great betrayer will return to sow seeds of doubt?
35:51Hold on. That could be flower.
35:53Interesting. Good point, Richard.
35:56Meteorite? What is he talking about? That is a hide-a-key.
35:59You know one of those fake rock things that you put a spare key inside of?
36:02We had one outside for Jerry to...
36:04Oh, damn it.
36:05No, no, no, no, no. This is from space.
36:08If that's on his ghost person, then the actual hide-a-key, which would prove that Bruce is a fraud,
36:14is on his dead body.
36:15Oh, no.
36:16All our dead bodies are in the other room, through that door.
36:19The bodies are in that room, Jay.
36:20Bruce died wearing a little satchel, so the hide-a-key is probably inside that.
36:24Oh, fine. I'm on it.
36:26You should be sipping Mai Tais in the Delta Lounge.
36:30This is ridiculous.
36:31Why must the outside world intrude on our affairs?
36:34Oh, my God, Sam. I'm gonna throw a law.
36:37Why are they afraid of our happiness and secret knowledge?
36:41Okay, I got it, but I'm picking the next 50 movies for movie night.
36:46Made in Taiwan.
36:48I believe Taiwan is actually the third moon of Saturn.
36:53Can it, Bruce.
36:54Huh, and a Volkswagen key.
36:57Ooh, yeah, that's hard to defend.
36:59Okay, well, sorry, folks.
37:02Colt's over.
37:03Honestly, it's a bit of a weight off.
37:05My name's Jason, and I couldn't get a girlfriend.
37:08Jason, a Bruce feels a bit lateral.
37:11You know we have to dirt you now, right?
37:13Ooh, I'd rather you didn't.
37:16So that's a no, okay?
37:18Well, my work here is done.
37:20Nice seeing everyone.
37:22So you found the deceased and then waited a week to get in touch with my office.
37:28What's happening here?
37:29Oh, Sam and Jay are trying to explain to the coroner why they went on vacation after finding a pile
37:32of dead bodies.
37:33How's that going?
37:34Marvin, are you familiar with the concept of island time?
37:39Oh, well.
37:39Look, you guys are my best customers by a wide margin, so I'm gonna let it slide this time.
37:44It's not great that you're on these kind of terms with the coroner.
37:47So, uh, how was Bimini?
37:49It was good.
37:50I mean, we had to take a later flight than everybody else, so we missed the whole first night.
37:54You know, welcoming drinks and the opening ceremony for the scavenger hunt.
37:58Yeah, there were a lot of inside jokes that we didn't get, so we were kind of playing catch up
38:02the whole week.
38:02Oh, yeah, that sounds tough.
38:05Well, I'm gonna start tagging the bodies.
38:08Well, at least you got to attend.
38:11And it seems like you may be on the shortlist for Marvin's Christmas party this year.
38:15Well, this is good.
38:16I'm not seeing anything in the local news about all the bodies we found in the bunker.
38:20That's one advantage to being on a first-name basis with the county coroner.
38:24Sounds like you guys successfully buried the bodies.
38:26Please repeat that for Jay, give me credit.
38:28Oh, this is a relief. We can't have news like that leaking on today of all days.
38:33Woodstone is being considered for inclusion on a prestigious list of top small hotels and B&Bs.
38:38The guy from the list is coming to check us out today.
38:41It's very important this goes well, so please no ghost shenanigans. I mean it.
38:47Oh, hello. You must be a cult ghost. They keep coming over from the bunker.
38:52We're sort of a cult ghost tourist attraction now.
38:54This feels very shenanigan-adjacent.
38:57Nice to meet you. I'm Eugene, a fellow survivor.
39:01Have you also found it difficult to acclimate to the outside world?
39:04Isaac, you were in the cult for like four hours.
39:06All of them harrowing.
39:08Wait a second. Are you Eugene Woodstone?
39:11I am Henry Woodstone, your ancestor. And I built this house.
39:14You know him?
39:15Yee, he lived here for several months in the late 1960s.
39:18My parents shipped me up here so I wouldn't embarrass them at their precious garden parties.
39:22I was sort of the black sheep of the family.
39:25I'll say rumor has it this poor fellow was cursed with the infamous Woodstone tail.
39:29It's just a small bump at the base of the spine.
39:32Fascinating. Does it wag when you're happy?
39:34I don't really want to talk about it.
39:36I'm Samantha, also a Woodstone. I'm unafflicted. Not that it's important.
39:41What is going on?
39:42The cult ghost is also a distant relative.
39:45Oh, is he the reason that the cult was in our bunker?
39:47Yeah, I thought they liked me for my personality, but in retrospect,
39:51they just liked me because I had access to a bunker.
39:53Nailed it, Jay.
39:54Well, that sounds like quite the tale.
39:58I think he means T-A-L-E.
40:01He can't hear us.
40:02We don't have to dwell on it.
40:04Hadis come to shower. I touched up the paint in the maple suite
40:07and I folded the toilet paper into those fancy little triangles.
40:11Now, I just need to take a load off.
40:15Oh, that's nice.
40:16I think we need to lose the recliner.
40:18What do you mean?
40:19Well, it's just not in line with the rest of the decor, is it?
40:22Agreed. Stick out like Chair Frazier's father on TV program.
40:26Frazier.
40:27I'm not familiar with that program.
40:28We didn't have a working TV in the bunker,
40:30so I would do a lot of magic for the cults.
40:32Oh, that's right. You were an aspiring magician.
40:35I recall your parents whispering shamefully.
40:37I didn't have my cups or rings, so I did a lot of thumb magic.
40:43Buy out in your thumb.
40:46He's a warlock!
40:47Uh, Jay?
40:49Hedy was pointing out that the recliner doesn't go with the rest of the room
40:52and honestly, I kind of agree with her.
40:54I mean, with the list guy coming, why risk it?
40:56You got this for me as a gift.
40:58You remember when I almost got dragged to hell and you got this for me
41:00so I would feel better?
41:01Right, so how about we just move it into another room,
41:03somewhere less public?
41:05Can't move into Thorfinn's room.
41:07Oh, that's nice. Thor's offering to take it.
41:09It'll be a fun new place for Thor and Flower to forget.
41:13And that's all he said.
41:14Fine, if it'll help us with the list.
41:16Speaking of which, I've been emailing with some other B&Bs
41:19and they're telling me this guy expects us to grease his palm.
41:21Like a bribe?
41:22Like a very nice welcome gift.
41:24So I did some insta-stalking and turns out he's really into antiques.
41:27Well, that's great. We have a ton of old crap around here.
41:30Uh-oh.
41:31I mean, exquisite heirlooms.
41:33Hey Thor, I think there's something behind your ear.
41:36Oh, it's my thumb.
41:39You are most impressive sorcerer.
41:42Yet you could never conjure a job or a wife.
41:46Abracadabra!
41:46I think not.
41:49So, what do you think?
41:52Isn't that Jay's recliner?
41:54Yeah, Sam gave to Jay to demonstrate her eternal love.
41:57But then get rid of her for some minor decorating concerns.
42:00So now we are lucky recipients.
42:03Wow.
42:05Thanks, Thor.
42:06Uh, it's just, um, I can't have this in my room.
42:10It's made of leather.
42:12So?
42:13So they killed a cow to make that.
42:15That cow could have had a family.
42:16A mom.
42:17A dad.
42:18Maybe a secret lover.
42:20Yes, but the chair very comfy, so we keep him.
42:24Thor, you're not listening to me.
42:26I'm telling you, I don't want the chair.
42:28And Thor telling you, we keeping it.
42:30Thor not care that chair was once unfaithful cow.
42:33Fine, Thor.
42:35Keep the stupid chair.
42:37Now, on the other subject, can you check Thor's ear for strange thumbs?
42:42Thor thinks Thor might have a problem.
42:46Well, this guy's pulling up.
42:47Did you settle on something to give him?
42:49No.
42:49Hedy was being impossible.
42:50She was claiming some sentimental attachment to every item in the house.
42:53Okay, well, is she in here right now?
42:55No.
42:55Alberta made up a lie to get her to the restaurant.
42:57Great.
42:58Well, then just pick anything.
42:59How about that paperweight?
42:59Oh, no.
43:00Apparently that was Hedy's correcting paperweight that she would sometimes throw at the butler's.
43:04Yeah, I can see how that could be a very special keepsake for her.
43:06What about that box?
43:08It's pretty.
43:08Oh.
43:11Yeah, this is nice.
43:12Fine.
43:13Let's just do it.
43:14But what if it's important to Hedy?
43:15Better to beg forgiveness than ask permission.
43:17That's what Ben Franklin said before polishing off the entire Christmas goose.
43:21Ah.
43:22Hello, I'm Paul from Boutique Hotels of the World.
43:25Hi, Paul.
43:25I'm Samantha.
43:26This is my husband, Jay.
43:27Welcome to Woodstone.
43:29The judging begins with your handshake.
43:32Adequate.
43:33He's pretty snickety and overly formal.
43:35I like a very interesting older property you have here.
43:38That's a nice way of calling it a dump.
43:40Give him the gift, Sammy.
43:41Grease that palm.
43:42Uh, we have a welcome gift for you.
43:44It's this box.
43:46Oh.
43:47This is exquisite.
43:49What a rare find.
43:50An early 19th century parlor box with steeple-tip hinges.
43:55Oh, that was a waste of time.
43:57Alberta thought she saw Colin Farrell at Mahesh.
44:00In my defense, as a celebrity, I have celebrity blindness.
44:02Well, you must be exhausted after your travels.
44:05Yeah, let me show you to your room.
44:06Is that the list fellow?
44:08Why is he holding my parlor box?
44:10You didn't give him that as a welcome gift, did you?
44:11Yes, I did.
44:12And just deal with it.
44:13You really should have asked me first.
44:15Why?
44:16You would have just said no.
44:17Yes, I would have.
44:18Because it has a false bottom full of cocaine.
44:21What?
44:21That's right.
44:22Peru's finest.
44:24So unless the purity of your narcotics is one of the list categories on which you're being judged,
44:29I suggest you get that box back.
44:34Why was there cocaine in the box?
44:36Because it was my box, and I love cocaine.
44:39Can't argue with that explanation.
44:40Plus, that was in here this whole time.
44:41I was searching for it frantically when I possessed your husband.
44:44I was going to return him to you with a hole in a septum the size of Rhode Island.
44:47Hey, babe.
44:49This is going so well.
44:50He thinks the room is super cute.
44:52He loved the folded toilet paper.
44:54Jay, the box we gave him has a false bottom that's full of cocaine.
44:57Damn it, ghost!
44:58That falls squarely in the shenanigan zone.
45:01Shenanigan zone.
45:02I used to take Laura there when she was a little girl.
45:04Great pizza.
45:04Maybe this isn't a problem.
45:06Maybe this guy loves drugs.
45:08This is really bad.
45:09Even if he doesn't find it, he could get busted when he goes through security at the airport.
45:14We're not going to get on the list if Paul's in jail, Sam.
45:17Why don't you just ask for the box back?
45:18We can take it back.
45:20He loves it.
45:21Plus, if you ask for it back now, it's just going to seem like you heard him say how valuable
45:24it was
45:24and that you wanted to keep it for yourselves.
45:26I'm sorry I suggested that box.
45:28Another typical Eugene screw up.
45:31Stupid Eugene.
45:32Look, this ain't that hard.
45:33You just gotta wait for him to leave the room, find the box, empty out the drugs, and then put
45:37the box back.
45:38I've done this a million times.
45:39Albert is saying we should sneak into the room, take the box, and get rid of the drugs.
45:42All I'm hearing are shenanigans, shenanigans, shenanigans.
45:45One seat at every table had a whoopee cushion.
45:48Pfft.
45:48Shenanigans.
45:50Oh, can we watch that murder show again?
45:52I just want to watch whatever Thor wants to watch.
45:55He's a big, strong man, and he makes all my decisions for me.
45:58What now?
45:59I'm sorry, is everything okay between you two?
46:01Flower a little upset because I put foot down and decided to keep chair room despite being made from promiscuous
46:07cow.
46:08Okay, hold on. I don't mean to butt in, but it sounds like maybe you guys are having some problems
46:12communicating?
46:13You know, I'd be happy to help.
46:14I was a travel agent.
46:17So?
46:17So, being a travel agent is basically like being a couples counselor. One person wants to go to Fiji, the
46:23other person wants to go to Paris.
46:24Well, it was my job to help them find common ground. And steer them toward Orlando. You can't beat it.
46:30God, that place is the best.
46:33You missed a spot.
46:34Oh, I'm just pretending. I'm waiting for Paul to leave so I can get into his room.
46:38Seems just as easy to actually dust as it is to pretend to dust.
46:41Can you not right now?
46:43Okay, he just left to go on a walk.
46:45Isaac, let us know if he comes back.
46:48Will do.
46:49I was the captain. I think I can handle a simple lookout.
46:52Hey, man.
46:53Hello, Eugene. I can't be bothered right now. I'm carrying out a very important mission.
46:57That's cool. Crazy about the cult, huh?
47:02Indeed.
47:02I heard you got in on the first try.
47:07Really? You heard about that?
47:08Yeah, you're like the talk of the cult. How did you do it, by the way? It's like, unheard of.
47:14Oh, well, you see, Eugene, it's all about confidence.
47:17And when confidence meets competence, well, then you get something very special.
47:23Now press on this part with your thumb to release the false bottom.
47:27I got it.
47:28Now do a little and describe it to me.
47:31Slowly.
47:32Sam!
47:33He's coming!
47:34He came back early.
47:35No!
47:43Under the bed! That's what you chose?
47:45Sam, you work here. You could have been changing towels or re-triangling the toilet paper.
47:52Oh, and now we're sitting down to read a book. Boy, are you in a big mess.
47:57Thank you for agreeing to do couples therapy with a licensed travel agent. I think you've made a very wise
48:02decision.
48:03Do travel agents need licenses?
48:05They do not, but I made one for myself. Laminated it and everything.
48:09Now, Flower, you were saying you didn't like how Thor handled this disagreement.
48:13Yeah, he was just so stubborn about it.
48:17Argument is like battle. It must be one at all costs. It is actually very similar to disagreement Thor have
48:24long ago with Viking wife Olga.
48:28Olga, I have returned from Battle of the Tories.
48:31Oh, Thor. How I've missed you.
48:35Thor will think about you all the time. In fact, Thor will bring you back a souvenir from Denmark.
48:43This Dane head will look perfect on being Tyrone together.
48:49Huh? Huh?
48:52So you're saying she didn't want to hang a severed head in your living room?
48:56Yeah. Olga want Thor to put head in fish room when no one sees.
49:00But Thor get his way. Thor not back down. Thor win.
49:04Argument. Like battle. You see.
49:07The only thing I see is that you're making the exact same mistakes in our relationship as you made with
49:11Olga a thousand years ago.
49:13No, I'm not.
49:14Yes, you are.
49:15No!
49:16Whatever. This is pointless.
49:20No, it's not!
49:23And just like that.
49:26At one.
49:28Right.
49:30I was going to take a walk, but it looked like rain.
49:33Don't panic, Samantha. This conversation sounds like it's winding down, after which point he'll surely leave.
49:37Oh, no. Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that. Tell me everything.
49:42I give a volt.
49:44Where's Jay already? I thought you texted Jay.
49:48Hey, Paul.
49:49Oh, I'll call you right back.
49:51And here is Jay, armed with what I am sure is a catmiss gambit.
49:54You want to see a lizard on the porch?
49:57I'm deathly allergic to lizards, but thank you for the warning. I'll stay right here.
50:01Come on, Jay.
50:02Actually, why don't you come down to the restaurant? I made some hors d'oeuvres special for you.
50:07Um, yeah. Thank you. That sounds very nice.
50:10Let me just change into my loafers.
50:11Now, where are my loafers?
50:15Ah.
50:16Oh, he's going to look under the bed.
50:18Oh, damn it, Samantha. If you had partook, you would have at least be high as a kite right now.
50:22Sam! Here he comes.
50:24What the hell?
50:26Here's your loafers.
50:29Samantha?
50:30Hi.
50:31Hi.
50:33Hi.
50:34Eventually, she's going to have to say something other than hi.
50:37He got by me. I don't know how.
50:39So, it's a funny story. I was just coming in here to change the sheets, and I lost a contact
50:44lens which I could have sworn rolled under the bed.
50:47You know, I've seen a lot of innkeepers try a lot of different things to gain an advantage. Hidden cameras
50:54listening at the door, but hiding under a bed?
50:57No, it's nothing like that. I just, I have narcolepsy. I fell asleep.
51:02Well, that settles that. Paul, would you like to see our magical creek?
51:04My cousin has narcolepsy. What do you take for it?
51:08Oh, no. He's testing you, Samantha. Tread carefully.
51:12There is no medication for narcolepsy.
51:16There are several.
51:18Listen, I don't know what you two are up to, but I've seen enough to know that Woodstone B&B
51:22is nowhere near worthy of my list.
51:25Please leave my room.
51:26Sorry.
51:28I rode a narcoleptic horse once. It was a short ride.
51:32Let me ask you something, Thor.
51:34After you won this argument with Olga about the Dane's head, was anything different between you two?
51:40Now that you mention it, maybe there are a few things.
51:43Olga really not want to hang out in that room.
51:46She not want to watch fire with Thor anymore.
51:50Made Thor very lonely.
51:52That's tough.
51:53Thor, are you familiar with the concept of a Pyrrhic victory?
51:57I think you know answer to that.
51:59Well, it was named after a king who won a battle.
52:02But he lost so many men in the process that he realized it may not have been worth it.
52:06And in the end, he lost the war.
52:09Oh, so sometimes someone can win battle of argument but lose war of relationship.
52:18Not exactly how I would put it, but yeah, it seems like you're getting the general concept.
52:22Yes! Thorwyn therapy!
52:25Sure.
52:27I can't believe this. We screwed up so bad.
52:30Babe, we can't beat ourselves up.
52:32Who would have guessed that there would have been a bunch of cocaine in an old wooden box?
52:38Yes! Who indeed!
52:40Oh, wait! Me!
52:42What are you talking about?
52:43Pretty ironic, huh?
52:44The so-called screw-up of the family flawlessly executes the revenge plan?
52:48I was the one who suggested the box in the first place.
52:51Which I knew from family lore is where Hedy Woodstone kept her stash.
52:56Using cocaine for nefarious purposes? How dare you?
52:59Then I intentionally distracted Isaac so that Paul would catch you in his room.
53:04That is no way to treat a cult brother!
53:06Is it because I got in on the first try? Hmm?
53:09Is it jealousy?
53:09I don't understand! Why would you do this?
53:12Because I hate the Woodstones!
53:15This family treated me like a freak just because I was different!
53:19Hey, how do you feel about tacos tonight?
53:21Shh! I think Eugene is doing his villain origin story, but yeah, tacos do sound good.
53:25I never fit in. I marched to the beat of my own drum. I told my parents I wanted to
53:31go to magic school.
53:33Is that a real thing?
53:34I don't know, but I want to stuff this guy in a locker.
53:36But my parents forced me to go to a fancy college. I couldn't keep up. Eventually when I flunked out,
53:41they told me I didn't deserve the Woodstone name.
53:45Eugene, I just have one thing to say to you after all of this. I'm sorry.
53:51What?
53:52For generations, we Woodstones have spent too much time concealing anything that made us seem less than perfect.
54:00I've spent a century hiding my son's crimes and also the nature of my own demise.
54:06And it only ever led to isolation and loneliness. So I say no more.
54:12Yes! They got the poblano tonight!
54:14Shame is a problem that is passed down in families. Not unlike the Woodstone tale.
54:19And the only cure for shame is sunlight. Which unfortunately is not a cure for the Woodstone tale. They tried
54:27that.
54:28Thank you for saying that, Hedy.
54:31I agree with Hedy. I don't condone your actions, but I do understand them now. And I think I have
54:38an idea.
54:39Oh! Is it to see if you can hang a coat on it?
54:42On what?
54:45Come on.
54:48Paul, we need to talk to you.
54:49Thank you, but I'm not interested in hearing any more fabrications.
54:53That's just it. I was lying to you. I snuck into your room to steal back the box we gave
54:59you because… it's full of cocaine.
55:02Excuse me?
55:03Girl, what are you doing?
55:04We didn't realize there were drugs in it when we gave it to you.
55:07But the truth is, an antique box full of 19th century narcotics perfectly epitomizes this family.
55:12I've been so preoccupied trying to paint a rosy picture.
55:16This property's history is so much messier and so much more interesting.
55:20Like Hedy, the woman who owned that box? Her son murdered a jazz singer right inside this house.
55:26And Hedy's husband? He was this brutal robber baron who died before he could be held accountable for his sins.
55:31He suffocated in a secret vault in the basement.
55:34And he was riddled with syphilis. Add that, please.
55:37Right out there on the lawn, an innocent cuckold was shot through the neck by a ten-year-old girl.
55:42Okay, I guess it's just nice to be included.
55:44This mansion's history is full of bootlegging and murder and war and…
55:49Syphilis.
55:51Syphilis.
55:52The point is that I was so worried the Woodstone's flaws would stop us from being on the list.
55:56But honestly, I think you should put us on it because of them.
56:02Well, what do you think, Paul?
56:05You're telling me this box is full of cocaine?
56:08Uh, yeah.
56:10Can I keep it?
56:11Excuse me?
56:12If I can keep it, you make the list.
56:15There it is. There's a little bit of Woodstone in all of us.
56:19It's yours.
56:20Great.
56:21We'll be in touch.
56:22Congratulations.
56:23Oh, thank you!
56:25Didn't go how I expected it to go, but it'll make a hell of a tale.
56:30Come on, man!
56:33What are we watching?
56:34Oh, House Hunters.
56:35No, I mean, what is that thing?
56:38That's a television, sweetie.
56:40Oh, right on.
56:41Thou, do you have moments?
56:44What do you want, Thor?
56:46Thor, to talk to you about the argument we had earlier.
56:48Hm.
56:49If Flower not want chair in our room, then we can get rid of chair, because relationship
56:54are about compromise.
56:56And compromise mean doing what women want.
56:59Really, Thor?
57:00Do you mean that?
57:02Thor may be oldest ghost, but sometimes slowest to learn lesson.
57:06But to Flower willing to be patient, though we'll make effort.
57:12Because Flower worth it.
57:14Well, you're worth it, too.
57:17Big guy.
57:19Love making is imminent.
57:21Yay!
57:21But they about to pick the house.
57:23Can y'all just go into a different room?
57:25No.
57:26Too late.
57:26Process is already starting.
57:28Sorry.
57:29You're welcome to watch.
57:30Join in.
57:31Cheering is appreciated.
57:32I'm going.
57:33I'm going.
57:34Let me know what happens.
57:35Well, first, Lori...
57:36No, I meant the show!
57:38God darn you freaks!
57:40Playhouse!
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