- 10 hours ago
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00:00The End
00:02The End
00:04Gemma, I think you're good. I would just go straight on that.
00:06No, I'm gonna hit it. Dave, I'm gonna hit it.
00:08You're not gonna hit it. I'm gonna hit it.
00:09Did this jerk park you in again?
00:11When I find out who he is, he is gonna be sorry.
00:14Oh, yes, he is. You know, this is called for an ass-whooping.
00:18Now, now, we don't know what he's going through.
00:20Maybe there's an emergency. Maybe his wife is giving birth.
00:22Oh. There, Dave. In your yard.
00:26And he parked here yesterday, too.
00:27Dude! It's fine.
00:29I left a terse note on his windshield.
00:33I can't understand why you are not furious.
00:36Because if I left him a note,
00:37it would say sorry for smashing out all your windows.
00:41Calvin, can you help me get out of here?
00:43Excuse me. I'm right here.
00:46No, you know what?
00:47You probably need to straighten it out just a little bit first,
00:50and then cut it.
00:51No, no, no. Cut it to your left. Cut it which way?
00:53To your left, Gemma. I would cut it to your right.
00:56Don't listen to me.
00:57You don't know what you're talking about.
00:59Welcome to the block. Welcome to the neighborhood.
01:01Welcome to the hood.
01:07Hey, Dad.
01:08Do you know where my birth certificate is?
01:10Oh, sure.
01:11Look in the glove box.
01:12Thanks. Oh, no, it's not.
01:16Marty, I haven't seen your birth certificate
01:19since your mother signed my name on it.
01:22That tracks.
01:23But Courtney and I needed to get our marriage license.
01:26Aw, don't worry, Marty.
01:27Of course I've got it, but I'm gonna need it back.
01:30Why?
01:31Cause you'll lose it.
01:34Mama, I'm about to be a whole husband. Okay?
01:38You know what, Marty, you're right.
01:40After the wedding, I'll give it to your wife.
01:44Come on, babe. That's ridiculous.
01:46Is it? Okay.
01:48Well, Calvin, where's your birth certificate?
01:51I don't know. You have it?
01:53Oh.
01:54Did you ever say it?
01:55Yes.
01:57I know I don't save this enough.
02:00But I love you.
02:01Okay, okay.
02:03David, you say it all the time.
02:05Ah, Gemma.
02:07Oh, Dave, are you okay?
02:08Yes.
02:09I'm alive.
02:10Oh, Calvin.
02:11No, no, no, no, no, no.
02:14What the hell is going on?
02:16I was running down Marengo,
02:17working on my six-minute mile,
02:19when out of nowhere,
02:21one of those food delivery robots
02:22came careening down the sidewalk.
02:24Totally out of control.
02:27I had to leap out of the way
02:28and almost stumbled into traffic.
02:30But you're okay.
02:31Well, yes, thanks to my cat-like reflexes.
02:35Oh, my God, and now I smell like you.
02:40But as I lay there,
02:42looking into the light...
02:44Look at it.
02:47I realized I almost made you a widow.
02:51Grover, half an orphan.
02:54Is that the robot?
02:58Dear God.
03:00It's coming back to finish me off.
03:04Please, seriously.
03:05Really, I'm sorry.
03:07I'm sorry.
03:07I'm sorry.
03:08I'm sorry, Dave, okay?
03:10I had a hankering for chile quiles.
03:13Where is my churro?
03:17162.
03:19Age?
03:2043.
03:22Height?
03:226'1".
03:27Six foot.
03:325'11", final offer.
03:34Grover.
03:35Sir, this is not for a dating app.
03:37I just work for the insurance company.
03:41Dave, I know yesterday was traumatic,
03:43but we already have life insurance.
03:45But you can never have enough.
03:46Look, you don't realize how fragile life is
03:48until you're almost killed by a Decepticon.
03:50It was a rolling cooler full of tacos.
03:55Regardless, I just want to make sure that, God forbid,
03:58something happened to me that you and Grover are taken care of.
04:01Dave, stop.
04:02I hate thinking about life without you.
04:04You have to be prepared.
04:06And just promise me that you won't mourn forever.
04:09Join a widow's grief support group.
04:11You know, move on.
04:12Enjoy life.
04:14And it may be...
04:16even meet someone.
04:17What?
04:17Oh.
04:19God.
04:20I can't imagine that.
04:21I wouldn't even be able to think about dating for a year or two.
04:27A year?
04:28Or two.
04:32Or five.
04:34No, no, no.
04:35You know what?
04:35I'm sorry.
04:36It's what I want for you.
04:38You know, maybe you and your widow friends plan a vacation.
04:40Go to, say, Greece.
04:42Hit up the clubs in Mykonos.
04:44You meet a DJ named Stavros.
04:46He doesn't speak much English, but God knows he doesn't have to.
04:49Not with that jawline.
04:53So you're telling me we've had this stuff under our bed for 30 years?
04:58Just keep looking.
04:59The birth certificates are in one of these.
05:01Come on, Tina.
05:02Really?
05:03Macaroni art?
05:04Oh, let me see.
05:05A kindergarten graduation cap?
05:07Oh, look at that.
05:09You know, you got a whole box of hand turkeys.
05:13That's what you're going to throw away my beauty of the weeks.
05:16My Jane Kennedy.
05:29Oh, okay.
05:30Um, here we go.
05:31These are report cards.
05:33Ah!
05:34Here go the birth certificates right here.
05:36There we go.
05:37Yeah.
05:38What's this little over there?
05:40Mm.
05:41What are these?
05:45Oh, that's their baby teeth.
05:48What?
05:51And you kept them?
05:52Why?
05:53I just like to look at them sometimes.
05:56When?
05:57Just put them back in the envelope, Calvin.
06:00Uh, no.
06:00No, no, no, no, no, no.
06:01Tina, you know what?
06:02Enough is enough.
06:04All right, they're grown men.
06:05Let's just get rid of all this stuff.
06:07No, I can't throw their baby teeth away.
06:10You know what?
06:11I'll just put them under the bed.
06:12No, you won't.
06:14I ain't sleeping in no damn teeth.
06:19Sorry about the urine sample.
06:21You sure it's enough?
06:23It's fine.
06:25It's so weird.
06:26You know, at the movies, I have to go, like, five times.
06:29I'm...
06:29Gemma, tell her at the movies how many...
06:30Hey, she said it's fine.
06:35Blood pressure 155 over 90.
06:38What?
06:38That's high, right?
06:40Yeah, that's pretty high.
06:41Hold on.
06:42This makes no sense.
06:43It's impossible.
06:43Hold on.
06:46Look, I mean, I'm in good shape.
06:49I mean, sure, I can't always make urine on demand, but...
06:55Dave, calm down.
06:56We'll figure it out.
06:57No.
06:57Look, I don't smoke.
06:59I never use drugs.
07:01I mean, there was that one 4th of July that I did snort pop rocks, but that's it.
07:09Hey, Calvin.
07:10Dave?
07:11I see that guy has your driveway blocked in again.
07:14Can't believe your little note didn't scare him straight.
07:18It might be my fault.
07:19You know, he's probably a young guy.
07:20I don't think they'd read cursive.
07:24You know, and he moved your garbage cans to make room for himself.
07:28You never touch another man's cans.
07:33It's not worth getting upset about.
07:37Gosh darn it.
07:38What's that?
07:40It's my wearable blood pressure monitor.
07:42I'm trying to lower my blood pressure.
07:43I'm going to pay through the nose for life insurance.
07:47I'm doing everything I can.
07:49I eat right.
07:51Exercise.
07:52I sleep well.
07:52I take two naps a day.
07:54You know, maybe I eat too much can.
07:59I don't know what to tell you, Dave.
08:01My blood pressure's always normal.
08:03I'm so jealous.
08:04I mean, you can't compare yourself to me.
08:06I grew up in the 70s.
08:08We grew up tough.
08:10No helmets, no seat belts, no allergies.
08:14I'm pretty sure people in the 70s had allergies.
08:18I didn't know any of them.
08:22Calvin said I should get rid of this stuff, but it's really hard.
08:26I've been there.
08:27It almost killed me last year when I finally got rid of Grover's light-up potty.
08:34He's 14.
08:35You have a bag of Malcolm's hair.
08:38It was so curly.
08:42But once you do it, you'll feel so good about yourself.
08:45Trust me.
08:46Like, what is this?
08:48Oh, Malcolm made this for me for Mother's Day.
08:51But what is it?
08:52It's a...
08:54It's a paperweight.
08:56There's two of them.
08:57Then they're bookends, Gemma.
09:01Hey, Mama.
09:02Oh, good.
09:03My babies are here.
09:04Okay.
09:05I've got your birth certificates, your social security cards, and your passports.
09:09Oh, thank you, Ma.
09:10Also, all of this is all yours now.
09:14Oh.
09:14Oh.
09:15Okay.
09:16Uh, what was that, finger paintings?
09:18Uh-huh.
09:18Yeah, we don't need any of that stuff.
09:20You just toss it.
09:20Uh-huh.
09:21So you want me to die?
09:26This is your childhood.
09:28What?
09:29No, come on, Mama.
09:30A place map from Gravy Jacks is not our childhood.
09:33I thought you did the maze.
09:36Oh.
09:37Tina, honey, that is garbage.
09:39Oh, my God.
09:40There's, like, ten of them.
09:43Oh, man.
09:44Remember these?
09:45What?
09:45Moochigan cards.
09:46Who used to get so excited about these?
09:48Yeah, and now you're excited to throw them out.
09:51Oh, man.
09:52Vampirax, were-turtle, pterodactylops.
09:56That's the one I got sent to detention for because I was showing my friends in social studies.
10:00Ah, in your defense, it was incredibly rare.
10:02Well, I couldn't believe I had one.
10:03Oh, wow, Marty, that's so cool.
10:05A one-eyed dino bird card that proves you're a virgin.
10:14Dave, the point of our team meetings isn't to socialize.
10:17Okay, bye.
10:18All I did was ask that Brian guy how his weekend was.
10:21That's an invasion of privacy.
10:23It's giving ick.
10:25I-I'm sorry.
10:27Ick?
10:27What is ick and how can it be given?
10:31Now you're crossing in a cringe.
10:35Hey, Dave.
10:36Check it out.
10:37Calvin, I'm in a meeting.
10:39With who?
10:40One of Grover's friends?
10:43It's my boss.
10:45Please, uh, one second, Josh.
10:46What is so important?
10:48Oh, I just wanted to give you this.
10:52What did you do?
10:53You know the guy that's been blocking your driveway?
10:56I sent him a message.
10:59Now, I couldn't get the bumper all the way off, but it's hanging.
11:02Calvin, you cannot just, you know, hold on.
11:05Josh, hey, uh, I'm so sorry.
11:07But I get it. No more niceties.
11:09I'm gonna bottom line it.
11:11If you could speak a lot less, that would be awesome.
11:21Uh...
11:23Josh, what I don't think you understand is...
11:26Dave, dude, remember what we talked about.
11:29Lose the ick.
11:30Lose the cringe.
11:32Josh, out.
11:39What just happened, man?
11:42Look, Calvin, it's just the way my boss is, okay?
11:45It's not a big deal.
11:47It is a big deal.
11:49You can't let Nickelodeon talk to you that way.
11:55That's why your blood pressure is high.
11:57You're holding in your rage.
12:00I have nothing to rage about, Calvin.
12:06See?
12:07It's that.
12:08That thing right there that you do with your neck.
12:10What thing I do with my neck?
12:11This thing that you do like a hungry baby bird.
12:18You do it every time you say you're not angry
12:21when I know damn well that you are.
12:24Calvin, what do I have to be angry about?
12:27What don't you have to be angry about?
12:29You lost your job.
12:31You're working for Boss Baby.
12:34You got your ass whooped by a taco bot.
12:38Calvin, it's not that bad.
12:40David, your life sucks right now, man.
12:43Come on, your life is trash.
12:45And if you don't let that anger out,
12:48people gonna start dancing to that beat
12:50all the way to funky town.
13:01Mama?
13:02Jim.
13:03Jim, you're not even looking.
13:05Tina, you're gonna feel so good when this is gone.
13:08Aw.
13:10Malcolm.
13:11Come look at this.
13:13This pterodecticlops is a first edition
13:16platinum diamond refractor card.
13:17So?
13:19So it's worth $5,000.
13:22What you kidding me?
13:24For a piece of cardboard?
13:25A very rare piece of cardboard.
13:28Okay, it looks like it's my lucky day.
13:33Yours?
13:34I bought that card.
13:36Yeah.
13:38You may have bought the card, dear brother,
13:41but if you remember,
13:42when you started to care about things
13:43like girls and sports,
13:44you gave all your cards to me.
13:49I believe I said that you could play with them,
13:52not that you could have them, dear brother.
13:54Ah.
13:56Ah-ha!
13:57Uh, so you do admit
13:59that you gave them to me.
14:04Yes, but you never claimed dibs.
14:08Dibs were implied.
14:13The only thing you get dibs on
14:16is being a dork.
14:17Hey, hey, hey!
14:18I cannot believe you guys are arguing
14:20over some little stupid monster card.
14:22Uh, my stupid monster card.
14:25And may I remind you, brother,
14:26you ain't bigger than me no more.
14:32Hold this, my...
14:33No.
14:33No, no, hold it.
14:34Hold it, hold it, hold it.
14:35This is...
14:36Hold it, hold it.
14:37No!
14:39Put it down!
14:41Put it down!
14:43Put it down!
14:44No!
14:49So just smashing stuff
14:50is supposed to make me feel better?
14:52Oh, trust me.
14:53David, you're gonna love it.
14:55You know, Tina brought me here
14:56like eight years ago
14:57when I was going through some stuff.
14:59Eight years ago?
15:00That's when we moved in next door.
15:03Hmm.
15:04Eh, coincidence.
15:07All right.
15:08Go ahead, come on.
15:09Start smashing some stuff.
15:11Come on, Calvin.
15:11I mean, I can't hit this printer.
15:13It's in perfectly good condition.
15:15Oh, really?
15:19Uh...
15:20Now it's not.
15:22Come on, Dave.
15:24You remember how pissed off you were
15:25when your little boy boss told you to shut up?
15:29Yeah.
15:30I mean...
15:31I love to talk.
15:32Yes, you do.
15:34Now, imagine.
15:36You're in a meeting
15:37and you just heard
15:39shut up
15:40from
15:41that little snot
15:43who's not even old enough
15:44to rent a car.
15:45How would that make you feel?
15:47It would make me feel mad.
15:49Get him.
15:51Yeah.
15:52Oh.
15:53Why don't you shut up, Josh?
15:57You tell him, Dave.
15:59Yeah, yeah.
16:00Meeting is over.
16:02Oh, yeah!
16:04Now, you can't tell me
16:06that didn't make you feel good.
16:08Yeah, I won't tell you.
16:10Because it felt amazing.
16:13Okay.
16:14Now, you see that windshield?
16:16Now, imagine that belongs to the car
16:18that blocks your driveway.
16:19Yeah.
16:20And it's street cleaning day.
16:22Okay.
16:23Break yourself, fool!
16:24Oh!
16:25Yeah!
16:26Yeah!
16:27That's what I'm talking about.
16:29Now, what are you looking at, Stavros?
16:34Okay, uh, who the hell is Stavros?
16:37Yeah.
16:38This really handsome Greek guy
16:40who's trying to steal my wife.
16:41This is Sparta!
16:43Yeah!
16:45That is the spirit there, Dave, right there.
16:48And this...
16:50Yeah!
16:51This is for the people
16:52that stand up in the back of the plane
16:53once we land.
16:54You're in 33C!
16:56Sit down!
16:57You ain't going nowhere!
17:01Ow!
17:04I can't believe I had to separate you two.
17:07No kidding!
17:08You're a novelist,
17:09you're a physicist,
17:09and you're still giving each other wedgies?
17:12When we started,
17:13you stole my card.
17:14Hey, hey, hey!
17:15I thought I said stop.
17:19Stop!
17:20Stop punching me!
17:21Hey!
17:26I kept all this stuff
17:28to remind me of when y'all were little kids,
17:30but now I'm remembering
17:31when y'all were little,
17:32y'all were a pain in my ass.
17:34Talking about you!
17:36Talking about you!
17:36Talking about you!
17:37Talking about you!
17:37Talking about you!
17:38Talking about the both of you!
17:41You know what?
17:42I don't miss any of this.
17:44And you won't miss any of this.
17:46You know what?
17:47You're right, Gemma.
17:48Everything's gotta go.
17:49Oh, finally!
17:50But not the baby teeth.
17:51I want to make a necklace.
17:56Please tell me you're joking.
17:58Yeah, I was joking.
18:02Okay.
18:02Hey, hey, everybody.
18:03Hey, hey, buddy.
18:05Great news!
18:06Calvin and I were just smashing.
18:09What?
18:10What?
18:11David!
18:12There's gotta be a better one.
18:13Uh, you want to try that again?
18:15Okay.
18:18Calvin got us a private room.
18:20All right, I don't have time, man.
18:22I'll tell the story.
18:24I took Dave to a rage room to get his anger out.
18:28And the best part is, is my blood pressure has never been lower.
18:32My insurance is gonna be cheaper, and I'm not gonna die.
18:36That's great, honey!
18:37Yeah, and you tell Stavros to find another widow.
18:43Hey, I remember these.
18:45Whoa, whoa, whoa!
18:45Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, uh, please be very careful with that.
18:49It's worth $5,000.
18:51Yeah, let me get...
18:52For a piece of cardboard?
18:53Yes.
18:54They have been fighting over it for the last half hour.
18:57Well, only because he gave it to me.
18:59Because I bought the card.
19:00But why can you not understand the concept of dibs?
19:03Shut up!
19:04Hold on.
19:05Is this this stupid dinosaur card that y'all used to fight over as little boys?
19:09Uh, it's not stupid.
19:11But, but, yes, that is the one.
19:13Yeah, and I remember this.
19:16You knocked over and completely destroyed a full bottle of Johnny Walker Blue.
19:23I mean, that, that does sound vaguely familiar.
19:27Shh.
19:27You know what?
19:28I confiscated it then, and I'm reconfiscating it now.
19:32Oh, come on, Brian!
19:33No, no, you know what?
19:34I'm gonna use the money to pay for your rehearsal dinners,
19:37and to replace my bottle of Johnny Walker Blue.
19:43Are you happy, Marty?
19:44Me?
19:45This is 100% your fault.
19:46Yeah, was that my fault?
19:47Well, you could've just gave me the card.
19:48Hey, guys, guys.
19:50You didn't even have the card yesterday.
19:52Gained some perspective on the moment.
19:54Shut up, Dave!
19:56No, you don't tell Dave to shut up.
19:57No, I'm tired of you, Dave.
19:58No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
20:07This is for the lady at the liquor store who says she didn't need to see my ID.
20:11Yeah!
20:15Hey, well, this is for the guy who gets on the elevator and pushes the button like you weren't
20:20smart enough to push it already.
20:26This is for the guy that knows you're waiting on the parking space, but decides to check
20:31his text message.
20:32Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
20:33You've seen it!
20:34You've seen it!
20:37And this is for the rise of Skywalker!
20:43Marty, what?
20:45Well, it was a very bad movie and an otherwise excellent franchise.
20:49Let's go!
20:51Give it back.
20:52You're done.
20:53I need this!
21:23Now, here you are!
21:26Take care.
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