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00:00ترجمة نانسي قنقر
00:39ترجمة نانسي قنقر
00:40لتسنت mockنقر
00:44احوان.
00:45دهة السميل دمر 걸로vilDAítوة
00:49ابورتَ
01:00ترجمة نانسي قنقر
01:30جمي بروغن wrote the squad about badass new york cops in the 70s
01:34it's the best book i've ever read and i've read 15 books
01:3750 books is not a lot wait you said 15
01:42the squad is what made me decide to become a detective
01:45and it was my first book report
01:47the detectives wiped the mobsters blood off their boots
01:50and found the skag
01:52skag is heroin and the book says it's so good you can never stop doing it
01:57see me after class jacob
01:58fun side note i later lost my virginity to mrs stratton's daughter
02:02it was
02:04very fast
02:05nice
02:07mr brogan
02:08these are detectives santiago and peralta
02:11mr brogan i am a huge fan of your book
02:14would you mind signing my copy
02:15i'd love to it's always nice to meet a fan
02:18you can just make it out to death wish
02:20that's what everyone calls me because i'm always
02:21first through the door
02:24you go through doors normally and everyone calls you pineapples
02:27my grandma calls me pineapples and i regret telling you that
02:30those new york cops from the 70s you wrote about were my idols
02:33i mean gominski kavanaugh quigg
02:35those guys were the real deal
02:37i once saw gominski choke a hippie to death with his own ponytail
02:41love that
02:42mr brogan is writing an article about how brooklyn detectives have changed in the 35 years since the squad
02:48he'll be observing the two of you on your internet identity theft case
02:51i hope mr brogan's presence doesn't prove to be a distraction to you peralta
02:55distracted me no sir
02:57evil would love that
02:58but i'm not giving evil the satisfaction
03:01not today
03:04where's the can i gotta unload
03:06unload great choice of words it'd be an honor to show you sir
03:11all right everyone's here
03:13today we're gonna work on our courtroom demeanor
03:15pass
03:16the seminar is not optional diaz
03:19you're testifying in an aggravated assault case tomorrow
03:22the da is worried about how you present yourself on the stand
03:25why i'm fine on the stand
03:27look i'll make this real simple so even these dum-dums can understand
03:31man did crime
03:33i'm sorry can you make her stop doing that weird thing with her face
03:37crime
03:38and when this is over i'm gonna find you and i'm gonna break those little fingers
03:44miss diaz please stop threatening the stenographer
03:47this is an important case you need to do well
03:51fine i'll take your dumb ass seminar
03:53that's the spirit
03:56someone has placed tiny scanners inside atms to steal card numbers and pins which they sell
04:01on the internet
04:03oh good god why do you smell like an ashtray
04:05oh sorry mom
04:07it's the only way i can cope with the stress of the job
04:16anyway we're running an algorithm to comb through the transactions looking for a pattern which will lead us to the
04:21perp's ip address
04:22got it boring mumbo jumbo
04:24well you could think of the algorithm as a boot and the ip address as some poor slob's skull
04:30you know
04:30we used to call guys who bragged about sitting around all day hair bags
04:36except for detective finaldi
04:38no he had to sit around all day
04:40a mafia thug pried both his kneecaps off with a crowbar
04:44so lucky
04:45this kind of data driven police work has reduced crime by over 70 percent
04:49i know hair bag work when i see it
04:52do me a favor wake me when your shift is over
04:58no way
05:02that is amazing
05:04all you need is for a jury to like you
05:06if they like you they'll trust you
05:08fine
05:08how do i get these morons to like me
05:13don't call them morons
05:14good instinct
05:15okay
05:16sit up straight
05:17be aware of your hands
05:18okay
05:19don't be afraid to smile
05:20and if you need to buy time you can always just say to be perfectly candid
05:23to be perfectly candid
05:26i like that
05:27and always make good eye contact
05:29but don't stare at people
05:30yeah
05:31you gotta blink
05:32but don't blink too much
05:33or too fast
05:33i think the bigger worry is slow blinks
05:35don't blink too fast or too slow or too much or too little
05:37i know how to blink
05:39quick question sir
05:40you know how we've been trading favors back and forth and it's your turn to give me one
05:44none of that is true
05:45yeah i know
05:45please can i jump onto a sweet mob related homicide
05:48there are no sweet mob related homicides on which to jump
05:52boom
05:52there's one at the 7-3
05:54maybe i should roll over there
05:55help out
05:56brogan could tag along
05:57maybe write some stuff down
05:58why do you idolize that man
05:59and the time he wrote about
06:01because the 70s were amazing
06:02i mean everyone had thick juicy mustaches
06:04and all the clothes were orange and flammable
06:06the 70s were not a good time for the city or for the department
06:10corruption brutality sexism
06:12diaz or santiago never would have made detective
06:14and an openly gay man like me i never would have been given a command
06:16there were very few black detectives
06:18did i ever tell you what my first day on the job was like
06:24hello i'm raymond holt
06:25are you here to turn yourself in
06:29oh yeah that's really messed up
06:31but the guys that brogan wrote about
06:32they were great detectives
06:34i mean they were legit
06:34some of them were legit
06:36some of them were just brogan's drinking buddies
06:40sir that is a brilliant idea
06:41it wasn't an idea
06:42it was a scathing indictment of your personal hero
06:44eh six of one
06:47this is the best
06:48drinking with jimmy brogan
06:50so tell me more about quigg
06:51could he really light a matchstick on his face
06:53one time during a drug bust
06:55he had one of his fingers shot off
06:57he didn't even flinch
06:58he just picked it up and used it to flip off every puerto rican in the place
07:02and that's my cue
07:03it's late
07:04are you kidding
07:05the old guard drank till dawn
07:07ate some coffee grounds
07:08and started the whole day all over again
07:11i eat coffee grounds
07:12sure you do pineapples
07:14how about another round
07:15are you kidding me
07:16i want to hang with you till one of us dies
07:18look i'm tired of talking
07:20why don't you tell me some of your stories
07:22great
07:22because i got some stories
07:24that'll make training day look like super troopers
07:27eh snap
07:29bartender
07:29two scotches
07:30got it
07:31no no
07:32he meant two bottles
07:34what
07:34i mean
07:35yeah
07:36here you go
07:37all right
07:43you'll never get me
07:44you'll never get me
07:46we already got you idiot
07:47look who's here
07:49how was your night of old school drinking
07:51hmm
07:52pretty hungover
07:53shhh
07:54shhh
07:54turn off your mouth siren
07:57here are the texts i got from you last night
07:59best night ever
08:01why scotch burns so good
08:03was his name in serpico
08:05who's the friend of yours with the ping pong
08:08and lastly a picture of you on the subway platform eating chinese chicken salad with no shirt on
08:13ha
08:15well
08:15last night was awesome
08:17we had an epic night of bonding that i will never forget
08:21do it
08:22do it
08:22i believe in you
08:26throw it
08:27i believe in you
08:29man i wonder if brogan's okay
08:31he's 65 and drank two bottles of scotch
08:33he might be dead
08:34he looks fine to me
08:35morning kid
08:36how you doing
08:38oh hey
08:39so good
08:40i feel great
08:41and i definitely don't think it's burning hot in here
08:43well i'm around
08:45grab me if anything develops in your case
08:47ha ha
08:47you got it
08:49that hurts so bad
08:50let me know when he's gone so i can slide onto the nice cool floor
08:52he's gone
08:53great
08:54mmm
08:56mmm
08:57mmm
08:59oh my whole body has dry mouth
09:04why are we meeting in the ladies room
09:05it's the perfect place for our second lesson
09:08courthouse wardrobe
09:09what's wrong with the way i dress
09:10you know some people might say that all the black leather kind of makes you look like a evil villain
09:16not me i think you look like a sexy motorcycle
09:21Boyle
09:22pull it together
09:23yeah
09:24we need to soften up your look
09:25my wife and charles's mom donated some clothes
09:29your wife and boyle's mom are both blind
09:34i look like arsenio
09:36so it's
09:37perfect
09:40that's actually my wedding suit
09:41no
09:44yes
09:45no
09:48that's great
09:49perfect
09:50you look beautiful
09:51li
09:52appropriate for court
09:57scully
09:58hey jake
09:59you've been alive forever
10:00how'd you used to cure hangovers
10:02oh i didn't drink
10:03i was however extremely into cocaine for most of 1986
10:06i gotta tell you the truth Hitchcock
10:09you and me man we're gonna be co-captains
10:11but first i'm taking you to japan
10:14i'm already packed
10:15i had three heart attacks that year and declared bankruptcy
10:18Hitchcock turned out just fine
10:21my grandpa was an old school cop
10:23this was his hangover cure
10:25raw egg yolks
10:28you look like a corpse we just pulled out of the river
10:31wrong i look like a cool rock star who OD'd in his own pool
10:34big difference
10:35i told you not to let jimmy brogan distract you from your work
10:37so i assume you're not too hungover to do said work
10:41nope
10:41looks like i never even drank
10:43and that's not a hangover cure
10:45what that?
10:45nah it's just some protein
10:48for my guns
10:49i drink one every morning before i lift
10:52so
11:00so good
11:02you can barely even tell it's a chicken embryo
11:05you should drink it all
11:07for your guns
11:12yeah
11:20it's just like fitness right?
11:25why did i do this?
11:27according to your text you were having the beef light of my loaf
11:31what? no no why did i use this algorithm?
11:34we're only tracking people who use the stolen cards
11:36they might not be the same as the ones who stole them
11:38here switch seats with me
11:43oh wow
11:44your butt's really warm
11:45my butt's normal
11:46your butt's the weird one
11:48don't be mad it's nice
11:49alright so if we ignore all these fraudulent purchases and go back far enough
11:53here
11:54someone posted the stolen card numbers online from this IP address
11:58not bad you found the pattern
12:00all right
12:01let's aspirin up and roll out
12:02ugh
12:04ugh
12:05ugh
12:05ugh
12:07i'm glad you could be here for this
12:12hello
12:12my cowbrook
12:14NYPD open up
12:15put your head through the door
12:17my head?
12:19you gotta run out
12:20stop NYPD
12:21into the air
12:22oh it's loud
12:29yeah
12:30yeah
12:31good job
12:31oh i'm never drinking again
12:33hey
12:35you know i was gonna take him out myself but ladies first so
12:38relax kid being too hung over to chase a perp that's a classic old school move
12:44you know you are one of the last few good cops fighting against the rising tide of hair bags
12:50is what you're gonna say in your article
12:51ah don't worry you're gonna come out looking real good
12:55especially after our talk in the bar
12:57so many good quotes
12:59especially about Holt
13:01cops are usually afraid to go after their captains like that
13:04but you sir are old school
13:08you know it
13:11oh pineapples
13:12what did you do?
13:16your witness counselor
13:18detective Diaz
13:19it's always a pleasure to see you
13:21isn't that good
13:22the lawyer is at slimeball Grundhaven
13:24Rosa hates him
13:25she's dressed right
13:26we coasters
13:27she'll be okay
13:27would you please state your name for the record?
13:31to be perfectly candid
13:33my name is detective Rosa Diaz
13:35well thank you for your candor
13:36regarding your own name
13:40detective Diaz
13:41would you please tell the court
13:42exactly how you were involved in this case?
13:44I caught Mr. Ladd
13:45physically beating his boss
13:46with a fax machine
13:47most of his cheek was caved in
13:49his head was basically a blood fountain
13:52I'm sorry is this amusing to you Miss Diaz?
13:57are you alright detective?
14:02oh no
14:03Brogan just sent me the quotes he's gonna run
14:05I slammed Holt like 50 times
14:07listen
14:08Holt would rather I wear a tie than solve a case
14:11Holt cares more about catching clerical errors
14:13than catching bad guys
14:15Holt is way too verticulous?
14:17that's not even a word
14:18what were you thinking?
14:20we were just hanging out
14:21being old school
14:22he wasn't supposed to quote me
14:23I was off the record the whole time
14:25I don't know
14:26wait
14:27I'm going on the record
14:28Jake Peralta
14:30can dance
14:32woo
14:34woo
14:36Jimmy Brogan
14:38look you need to fix this
14:40okay those quotes cannot run
14:42it would be devastating for Holt
14:43and the department
14:44I'll fix it
14:46Brogan's a cool guy
14:47we're friends now
14:48I'll just talk to him
14:49awesome dude to awesome dude
14:51I should brush my teeth first though right?
14:53mhm
14:54yeah it's terrible
14:55ahh
14:57great advice dummies
14:58I look like a psycho up there
14:59yes you have to pull it together
15:01that's not helping
15:02that's what Sartre says to me when I'm nervous
15:04Rosa
15:04I think you're nervous
15:06of course I'm nervous
15:07what do you think was the problem?
15:08we just assumed you were a terrifying human being with a short fuse
15:11but if the problem is that you're nervous
15:13that's where Charles Boyle lives baby
15:16I can help
15:16you just need to go to your happy place
15:18what's that?
15:19sounds stupid
15:20well everyone's happy place is different
15:22for me
15:22I just imagine I'm slipping up the world's longest piece of linguine
15:26it just keeps going and going
15:28every 20 feet of noodle
15:30there's a sauce change
15:31I'm in my happy place right now
15:33mmmm pesto
15:36mmmm carbonara
15:38great
15:38now I'm starving
15:44hey hey
15:45Jimmy Brogan
15:47thanks for meeting me
15:49welcome to the schvitz kid
15:51most comfortable place on earth
15:53it's like crawling back into your mother
15:55is that something people want to do?
15:57what'd you want to talk to me about?
15:58ah
15:59so I read those quotes you sent me
16:01and you
16:02wrote them so good
16:03the thing is
16:05I know I hid it incredibly well
16:07but I was pretty drunk when I said that stuff
16:09so
16:10any chance you wouldn't print it?
16:12well you said you were going on the record
16:13I was clearly not in control
16:16maybe you should learn to handle your brown
16:18ew
16:19look
16:20you know that I think you're like the number one hero of the 20th century
16:24but
16:24I kinda feel like you're being unfair here
16:26feel like?
16:27listen to her
16:28Suzanne Somers over here
16:30talk like a man
16:31alright I will talk like a man
16:33you got me drunk and took advantage of me
16:34oh come on
16:35god
16:36look I'm asking you nicely
16:38please don't print the quotes
16:40and I'm telling you nicely
16:41I'm printing them
16:42no you're not
16:45what are you gonna do about it?
16:51hey how'd it go broken?
16:53perfect
16:53except I punched him in the face
16:55and made everything a billion times worse
16:56what?
17:06so detective Diaz
17:08you saw my client struggling with his boss
17:10but you don't know who initiated the fight
17:11to be perfectly candid
17:13I was pretty sure it was a defendant
17:14yeah to be perfectly candid
17:16pretty sure is not definitive
17:18I think I know what happened
17:20well to be perfectly candid
17:21no one cares what you think
17:23do you actually know anything?
17:24or are you just guessing?
17:29your client instigated the fight
17:31I'm certain
17:33and I'm happy to tell you why
17:36she went to her happy place
17:37I know that Boyle
17:39you punched
17:40Jimmy Brogan?
17:41what were you thinking?
17:43I was thinking
17:44that I needed to protect this precinct
17:45from things that I said
17:47about this precinct
17:48to a reporter
17:48while drunk
17:49and insisting he record me
17:50I shouldn't have done it
17:51unbelievable
17:51every time I think you might make
17:53a decent detective
17:54you go and pull something like this
17:55I thought I could handle my brown
17:58I know
17:59I'm sorry
17:59this is gross
18:00go home
18:01you got the rest of the day
18:02to put your head on straight
18:11got Hal Brook to cop to every charge
18:13nice work, Santiago
18:14thank you, sir
18:16Peralta figured out the pattern though
18:17so he should get credit for the collar
18:19have you seen him?
18:20I sent him home
18:21he assaulted Jimmy Brogan
18:22yeah, but that caveman
18:24kind of had it coming
18:24don't you think?
18:27oh
18:28he didn't tell you
18:29tell me what?
18:30never mind
18:31if Jake didn't tell you
18:32he must have had a reason
18:32it's not my place
18:33I'm disappointed in you, Santiago
18:36I thought you and I were close
18:39I know you're manipulating me
18:42but I love it
18:42and I will tell you anything
18:44so
18:45Jake went to the schvitz
18:46to talk to Brogan
18:48what are you gonna do about it?
18:54there's nothing I can do
18:55except to ask you nicely
18:57except to ask you nicely
18:57as a fan of you
18:58your work
18:59and the guys you wrote about
19:00please don't print the quotes
19:02jeez
19:02I didn't realize you were gonna get your panties
19:04all in a pretzel
19:05that's actually not technically possible
19:06I'm not wearing underwear
19:07it's just swampy in here
19:08my butt's like the Everglades
19:10look
19:10I know you're trying to be legit
19:12in a hair bag world
19:13so I will not print your quotes
19:15oh thank you
19:16thank you
19:17that means the world to me
19:18and for the record
19:20I know that Holt is a stickler
19:22but he's actually a really good cop
19:23well don't worry about it
19:24we're friends
19:25you don't have to stick up for that homo
19:30I really wish you had just said that
19:31what homo?
19:34thank you Santiago
19:35that'll be all
19:40there she is
19:43Diaz you did it
19:44they found him guilty on all charges
19:46huh
19:47well his advice worked
19:50so
19:51where's your happy place?
19:52I'm in a cabin
19:54in the middle of nowhere
19:55inside it's just me
19:57and that stupid
19:58slimy defense attorney
20:00and I'm beating the hell out of him
20:02I break a dining room table over his head
20:04then I rip off his arm
20:06and shove it where the sun don't shine
20:08then I reach down his throat
20:10and shake his hand
20:16yeah okay
20:18I'm gonna go ahead and schedule you for a psyche vow
20:22I owe you one boil
20:23thank you dinner
20:24tomorrow night
20:24grab all these
20:25it's all you can eat linguine
20:29yes!
20:29oh my boyfriend's coming too
20:31your what friend now?
20:36alright
20:37let's hear it
20:38oh it's even worse than I imagined
20:40the new face of the NYPD is perfectly embodied by Brooklyn's own Jake Peralta
20:45that's not so bad
20:46who cowers behind his desk all day like the true hair bag that he is
20:50there it is
20:51the old guard would have eaten a guy like Peralta for breakfast and unloaded him by lunch
20:56well it's very colorful
20:57and hurtful
20:59you can ignore that garbage Santiago
21:02Jimmy Brogan wouldn't know a legit cop
21:04if he punched him in the face
21:11well
21:11guess I'm done with this
21:16not good enough
21:18three
21:18two
21:19one
21:24welcome to the party pal
21:27i love that movie
21:29it's die hard
21:31from you long
21:33not a doctor
21:33shh
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