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00:00Hey, Scott
00:31Thank you very much
00:33Hello and welcome to the show
00:35Thank you so much for joining us
00:37This week, Arsenal lost
00:39And then they won
00:40Somebody told me that and I tried to look
00:45Apologies
00:46We have an amazing audience
00:48And some brilliant guests are joining us on the sofa
00:51She has done it all
00:52Comedian, writer, actor, model
00:54And she's here to talk about her latest tour
00:57It's Michelle Deswarp
01:08She was the girlfriend in The Girlfriend
01:11But tonight she's here to talk about dragons
01:14It's Olivia Cooke
01:24She's a Hollywood star
01:25And is here to discuss the latest
01:27Installment of the scary movie franchise
01:30It's Anna Faris
01:32Thank you so much
01:39Thank you so much
01:42And he has conquered the stage and screen
01:46Best known for starring in 28 years later
01:48Schindler's List and the Harry Potter films
01:50It's the magnificent
01:51Ralph Fiennes
02:07Thank you all so much for coming
02:10I have quite big news
02:12This has never happened before
02:13Anna has brought gifts
02:15They are in this
02:16Well, listen, please keep expectations low
02:20No, I'm going to get them out
02:21Okay, great
02:22In this disgusting country
02:24I offer a gift from abroad as an apology
02:29Why?
02:30Just a blanket apology
02:32These are hats that I knitted during quarantine
02:35I quarantined
02:36I quarantined and I learned how to knit a hat
02:39And would you do me the honour of accepting
02:41Thank you
02:41Oh, my God
02:42Oh, my God
02:46Thank you so much
02:47Thank you, guys
02:47Thank you, guys
02:48Thank you, guys
02:48Oh, you do
02:48Oh, my God
02:50I don't care how to get in
02:53I don't know why you're taking them off, guys
02:56I'm spending the next hour like this
02:58They are beautiful
02:59Oh, thank you
03:00Oh, that's so kind
03:01Thank you
03:02Thank you so much
03:02Oh, no, thank you
03:04You knitted them in quarantine
03:06Like five years ago
03:08I mean, I'm into it
03:11I had high hopes, you know
03:13Like things were going to get better
03:15And I was going to be on this show
03:16Apologizing to British people
03:18For just general things, you know
03:22I really did have a turn in my career
03:25You know, it's a vulnerable
03:28Profession that we're in
03:29But to be able to be here tonight
03:31It just means a lot to me
03:33So I'm just really grateful
03:34Well, we are so grateful
03:37Thank you
03:37I'm going to take the hats
03:39I don't think you guys will ever have a monologue
03:40I'm going to take
03:40You will get them
03:41You'll get them back
03:42No, you'll get them back
03:43You'll get them back
03:44You'll get them back
03:45But I'm just going to put them somewhere cozy
03:48Claudia, did I ruin the show by being too serious right off the bat?
03:51No, you did not
03:53Because I can be silly and vapid
03:55No
03:56No
03:57I was reading about all four of you
04:01And there is a link
04:02Which is just how fantastic all your mums were and are
04:07Olivia, your mum loves your life, right?
04:11Yeah
04:11I mean, and she loves
04:13She loves the perks that come with it
04:15Yeah
04:17It's my fault
04:18Well, I've created a monster
04:19Right
04:20So
04:22The
04:22You know, this job
04:23It's, you know
04:24There's some bits of it that are very gorgeous
04:26And, like, nice
04:27Like, premieres
04:27And, like, fancy hotels
04:29And things like that
04:30And I invite my mum down
04:31And I get her a room at the hotel
04:33And then she goes out
04:35And goes to the premier
04:35And she gets on it
04:37Nice
04:38And then
04:39Then you got her
04:40And then I'm like, all right
04:41I think mum needs to go home now
04:42She's in the corner slumped with, like, a goujon
04:44In one hand
04:46And a gin and tonic in the other
04:48And so I end up taking my mum home at my own premiere
04:51Yeah
04:51Um, she loves it
04:53I've spoiled her rotten
04:54Because you're given stuff, right
04:55They're a freebie sometimes
04:56So, like, I get
04:57You know, there's some of the perks of this job
04:59Sometimes you're sent things that
05:01Like a candle or lotion or something
05:03Yeah, and you look online
05:04And they're quite expensive
05:05And you're like, I will never, ever use this
05:08Because it's awful
05:08Um, so I send it up to Manchester
05:12My mum's got, like, a little account
05:14On an online resell website somewhere
05:17Under a different name
05:18And I come home
05:20And I'm like, oh, mum
05:21That's a new armchair
05:21You know
05:23And she goes, yeah
05:24Thanks for the lotions
05:25Yeah, that was the, da, da, da, handbag
05:27And I'm like, I'm never going to get sent stuff again
05:29Because some of it is really nice
05:30Yeah
05:30And I like to keep it
05:31Oh, well
05:32To anyone who's watching
05:33You would still like the stuff
05:34Because your mum needs something to match the armchair
05:36Yeah, and sometimes
05:36And sometimes I do like it as well
05:38And I do wear it
05:39Yeah
05:39I do
05:40I'll be nice as well
05:40Anna, your mum was quite strict about watching TV, right?
05:43Yes
05:43She wouldn't let me watch television
05:45When she left for the grocery store
05:48I would watch television
05:49Then put a bag of frozen peas
05:51To cool down the television
05:52Because she would check
05:53Oh my god
05:54Yeah
05:55She did not want me seeing Madonna
05:57Madonna
05:59For her
06:00Like, losing my virginity was very stressful
06:04Yes
06:04Yes
06:05Yes
06:06Yeah
06:06Uh, Rafe, your mum
06:08So I like the fact how forward she was with your dad
06:11Well, she was set up on a, basically a blind date with my dad
06:15My mother cooked, I think, scrambled eggs
06:18For supper
06:18And the story was that he'd turned up
06:21And she thought she was going to meet some puny, weedy, chinless wonder
06:28And in walked my father, who was a very handsome, very big man
06:31She made him his scrambled eggs
06:33And then the story goes that he promptly fell asleep
06:37But that didn't put her off
06:38Because the next day she got on her moped
06:40Went to the farm where he lived
06:41He'd opened the door
06:42And, uh, she said
06:45Would you like to come in for a dish of tea?
06:48She said, yes, thank you
06:50I'd like to have six children
06:53Michelle, I love the story of your mum
06:55Who said, I think she panicked when she saw you do the weakest link
06:58Yeah
06:59Yeah, it's that
07:00You really get a kind of good gauge of what your family think of you
07:04When you tell them
07:05I said to my mum, I was like, I'm doing the weakest link
07:08And she went, oh, shit
07:12And to be honest, they weren't wrong with it
07:13Because I
07:14I only got one question wrong
07:17But the question that I got wrong
07:18So I'm severely dyslexic, right?
07:21And, uh, and it was all going well
07:23I was like
07:24You're crushing this
07:25Owning this
07:26Yeah, I'm a strong link
07:27And then, um
07:29And then Romesh was like, Michelle
07:31Name a vowel that appears twice in the word donation
07:35And I was like, vows?
07:38And so I said, blue
07:42Blue?
07:43And that's...
07:48Well, I need to explain my reasoning for this
07:50So I was like, my mum was like, oh, mate
07:53What's your strategy?
07:54And I said, well, I think if I don't know the answer for something
07:57I'll just say Moby Dick
07:58Because I feel like at some point
07:59That's going to come up as an answer
08:00Yeah
08:01And so when Romesh was like, you know, the vowel that appears twice
08:04I was like, okay, it's Moby Dick time
08:07But I couldn't remember the word Moby Dick
08:10So I thought whale, what colour's a whale blue?
08:12And that's why I said...
08:14So whenever I, like, forget what I'm supposed to say
08:17I just say Moby Dick
08:19Yeah
08:20I love it
08:21Yeah, yeah
08:22I like the fact that I'm just like
08:24Us, we're having a chat
08:25And Rafe looks like, help me
08:28I want to talk about my play
08:31Rafe, I'm going to talk to you about your play
08:33I don't want you to panic and run away screaming
08:35I'm staying here
08:36Yeah, good boy
08:37Thank you
08:39The good boy was too much
08:43As I said, I was like, I'm uncomfortable
08:47There'll be an opening night
08:48There will be a red carpet
08:50Do you guys like a red carpet?
08:53Look at Olivia's face
08:54It's disgusting, isn't it?
08:57Well, when you've got all those people screaming at you
09:00My reaction is to want to cry or run away
09:04And so, like, I can't, I can't sort
09:06Like, it's sort of, all that energy gets put down
09:08And under my dress, my, like, right knee is quivering
09:10Like that
09:11Yeah
09:13But it's like, it's intense
09:14No, but it can be quite scary
09:15Oh, 100%
09:17And I don't know
09:17There isn't, at least
09:19When I, my first red carpet was in the year 2004 scary movie
09:25And it felt confusing
09:26I'm sure some of those photos I am really, like, you know, caught
09:31Caught, like, I know I don't belong here on this red carpet
09:38And I think you guys know that too
09:40That's always the feeling of, like
09:43Imposter syndrome
09:44Yes
09:44I feel like it's just a necessary evil
09:47You know what I mean?
09:48Like, you've got to do the red carpet to get into the venue
09:50To quaff the free champagne
09:52To get the goody back
09:53It's the, it's the tax
09:55You know what I mean?
09:56Yeah
09:57Yeah
09:59So true
10:00In my life
10:02And I'm 54
10:02I've never met anybody who likes a red carpet
10:06And then, Rafe, I meet you
10:10I've got evidence
10:11Let's have a look
10:13Exhibit one, please
10:17He has a lot
10:19I know what you're thinking
10:20Guys, it's a one-off
10:23Buckle up
10:24His is number two
10:26Yes
10:28He's enjoying himself
10:29That's nothing
10:31That is foreplay
10:33Let's have number three
10:34Oh
10:37Yes
10:37I'm going to show you as an education
10:41And finally
10:42As we're all going
10:44Oh, and it's uncomfortable
10:46And they're saying my name
10:47Rafe Fiennes, ladies and gentlemen
10:56I love you for it
10:58So why, why do you love it?
11:01You come out of the car
11:02You're wearing a suit
11:03You've got something
11:04I don't know
11:04You're just ready
11:05And they're shouting
11:05Rafe, Rafe
11:06And you're like
11:07I've come along
11:07You know what happens
11:08You get in the exact
11:09Rafe, Rafe
11:10Or the name
11:11And you go
11:12And then suddenly
11:15A boredom factor kicks in
11:16All right
11:20And you entertain yourself
11:22To get through the fucking scene
11:26That's a great strategy
11:29I'm going to try to embrace that
11:32You're our new hero
11:33I would like to see the three of you
11:35Next time
11:36Pretend to be an aeroplane
11:37And you know
11:38All of you
11:39What we're being
11:42Let's talk about
11:43This new play
11:45It's coming to the West End
11:46Grace
11:48Pervades
11:48Yeah
11:49And you found the story
11:51I believe
11:51And gave it to David Head
11:52Well it's the story
11:54Of the Victorian actor
11:56Henry Irving
11:57And he was probably
11:59The first leading actor
12:00To start directing plays
12:02But in our play
12:04The key
12:04The sort of central
12:06Spine
12:06Is the relationship
12:07With this wonderful actress
12:08Ellen Terry
12:09She has a wonderful speech
12:11Where he's
12:11Trying to give her notes
12:13And she turns it around
12:14And starts giving him notes
12:15And he talks about
12:17How stiff he feels
12:18When he's
12:18Alongside her very
12:19Her very natural acting
12:21And she says
12:21Well I think you take too long
12:23To prepare
12:23I'm just in my dressing room
12:25I'm reading a book
12:26I'm reading the newspaper
12:26When it's my cue
12:27I just go down
12:28I just go on stage
12:29I don't
12:29I don't have any inhibitions
12:31I just go on
12:32Bang
12:32And I'm there
12:32And I have no awareness
12:34Of 500 people watching me
12:35And David's written this wonderful speech
12:37For her
12:38About the spontaneous
12:40Allowing of yourself
12:41On stage
12:41Without too much thinking
12:43And preparing
12:44And going all nervous
12:45In your head
12:45Absolutely
12:46And also I love the fact
12:47That you said
12:48What you adore about the theatre
12:49Is it's totally different every night
12:50Even if you think
12:51It's going to be the same
12:52It's not
12:53And you should embrace it
12:54That being it being different
12:55I think it's
12:56I think you should allow it
12:59To be different every night
13:00Yeah
13:00Here's the thing right
13:01Is that they've got this thing
13:03Going on in theatres
13:04Where they think
13:05They sell all like
13:06The fancy crisps right
13:07The kettle chips
13:08The crunchy hearty crisps
13:10These are the crisps
13:11We should be selling in theatres
13:12What's its
13:14Quavers
13:15Skips
13:15Melt in the mouth
13:17Soft
13:18Soft
13:18Thank you
13:18Soft crisps
13:19Right
13:20And that you've put into a cup
13:21Or something
13:22None of this rustling of paper
13:23Yeah unbearable
13:24It does
13:24My head in
13:25Yeah have a marshmallow
13:26Or eat first
13:27Yeah
13:28I feel the same as you
13:30Yeah
13:30Right
13:30And the worst is the popping of drink cans
13:35Yes
13:35I feel you
13:36The quiet dramatic pause
13:38Oh my god
13:39Yeah
13:41And actually being in an audience
13:43When someone
13:44Yeah
13:44And you're engaged
13:45And someone is opening a sweet paper wrap
13:48Rapping
13:49Crinkly past
13:50You know what does my head in
13:51You know what
13:51Right
13:51Is when
13:52Someone trying to slowly eat crisps
13:55Slowly
13:56Just get them all in your mouth
13:58And just don't have to do it
13:59This like
13:59Oh I'm going to quietly try and eat one crisps
14:02Bring you in your
14:03Oh
14:04Do you ever say anything
14:07Yeah you do
14:08You're one of them
14:08No
14:09You're one of them
14:09I can tell
14:11Yeah you do
14:12I
14:12I
14:14Once
14:15In the place
14:16A mobile phone
14:17It was a monologue
14:18And the mobile phone went off
14:19And I lost it
14:20Good
14:21Turn off your fucking phone
14:22That's right
14:24Um
14:24But actually it froze you
14:26That was quite hot
14:27You have the adrenaline thing
14:28Is it
14:29Is it
14:29It was quite hot
14:31It was
14:32Everybody felt it
14:33We were all like
14:33Mmm
14:34Yeah
14:35I don't like it when Rafe's angry
14:37But hold on
14:39That's my phone
14:41Sorry continue
14:49I'm scared
14:51Um
14:51Rafe please tell us
14:53When and where can we see the play
14:55Because we will all be coming
14:56Um
14:57Grace Pervades is on at the Theatre Royal Haymarket
14:59From the 24th of April till the 11th of July
15:04Fantastic
15:07Thank you
15:08And um
15:10Rafe I have to ask you about Voldemort
15:12Because they're about to shoot a new series
15:14Everybody has been cast
15:19Nobody
15:20I'm not saying this to be nice to you
15:22But nobody else can play the Dark Lord
15:25So would you do it again
15:26And are you doing it again
15:27Let's just we won't tell anyone
15:29Well I remember being asked the question
15:30Once we'd shot the Total Film Series
15:32Would I reprise the part
15:34And this was some years ago
15:35And I said yes
15:35I'd love to
15:36Oh
15:37But then um
15:38Nothing's happened
15:39I think that ship has sailed
15:42But I tell you
15:43There was
15:43Tilda Swinton was mentioned
15:45Somewhere as being a contender
15:46And I think she would be amazing
15:48She'd be fantastic
15:51She'd be amazing
15:52Anna
15:53When you were growing up
15:54You had
15:55Uh
15:56Quite specific
15:57I hope I'm not saying anything bad
15:58Imaginary friend
16:00Yes
16:01I um
16:02I was a lonely
16:03Short child
16:05So I
16:06I don't know
16:06I didn't have
16:07That many friends
16:08It was hard for me to make friends
16:09Which is why I'm so glad to be here tonight
16:12Because
16:12I told you guys
16:14We're friends now
16:16Gave you a hat and all
16:17Um
16:18But I
16:20I had a retainer
16:21My parents
16:22Strategy
16:23To keep me a virgin
16:24Was to
16:27Keep me
16:28Uh
16:29In
16:30With like constant dental gear
16:32Mm
16:32I had the gamut
16:33I had the neck gear
16:34I had braces
16:35I had retainers of various kinds
16:37And one of them was my beloved retainer Simon
16:41Who was British
16:43And he
16:45He was my talking retainer
16:47I never lost Simon
16:50Um
16:50Simon would give me advice
16:52And help me with homework
16:54We would go on talk shows
16:56We went on Oprah a couple of times
16:58Simon and I
16:59Because it was remarkable
17:00That I had a talking retainer
17:01Who was also my best friend
17:04Yeah
17:04I
17:05That's a lonely story
17:06About a lonely little kid
17:08No
17:09I
17:09I don't want to offend Simon
17:11But when was Simon
17:12Put away?
17:14I didn't know we were going to go here
17:16Okay
17:17Simon
17:18Um
17:18He did get retired
17:20I think when some teeth came in
17:21Some more teeth
17:22Got it
17:22Had to move on to headgear
17:24Still a virgin
17:27Okay
17:28So Anna
17:28We need to talk about scary movie
17:30Because the sixth installment is about to come out
17:34Uh
17:35You were part of the first one
17:37That was 26 years ago
17:39And the same cast are together
17:42How much fun is it reprising the role?
17:46It's more than fun
17:47It's like
17:48I don't really
17:49Even though I've lived in LA for a while
17:51I don't love the idea
17:52I don't believe in closure
17:54Or healing
17:55I grew up in Seattle
17:57I wanted to marry a cynical Brit
17:59You know
17:59I had never done comedy
18:01I think Simon always thought I was funny
18:03But
18:04Uh
18:05But no one else did
18:06Um
18:07And
18:08The movie became a big hit
18:10And it defined
18:11The last 26 years for me essentially
18:14And I feel honored
18:17And it also feels like people
18:18Are really hungry
18:20Yes
18:21For this movie
18:21And that feels
18:22Thrilling
18:23So think about it
18:27And
18:28The trailer
18:29Alone
18:30Is
18:31Majestic
18:32Here it is
18:32Oh thank you
18:33There's a serial killer on the loose
18:35Hello Tuesday
18:36I have been preparing for this for years
18:41Hello mother
18:42You look like shit
18:46Should we hug?
18:47I really want to
18:49But I'm a Republican now
18:50So I'm supposed to be racist
18:51Oh girl
18:52I think all white people are racist anyway
18:54Come here
18:54Okay
18:55Aww
18:56Aww
18:58Mom
18:59Santa gave me a severed arm
19:01Be sure to thank him
19:03Thank you
19:09You took your mum to see the film didn't you?
19:12Yes
19:12At a very crowded theatre in Linwood, Washington
19:15Um
19:16I took her to see the first scary movie in the summer of 2000
19:20And I told her
19:21Mom
19:22When I tell you
19:24You have to
19:26When I tell you to
19:26You have to get up and go to the bathroom immediately
19:29And
19:29Uh
19:30So I did tell her
19:31I was like mom go
19:31And she did
19:32Oh that's good
19:33Yes
19:34There is a scene
19:36Where I
19:37Um
19:39You can say
19:40My boyfriend sprays me to the ceiling of my bedroom with his ejaculate
19:47And
19:48And
19:49And then you're stuck right?
19:50You're stuck on the ceiling
19:51And stuff
19:51So you can imagine as I was hanging from the
19:54Why
19:55You know
19:56This is my first movie
19:58And
19:59And
20:00Like
20:00You know the prop people are just
20:03Spraying me with
20:05What
20:06What did they use for the ejaculate?
20:08Oh
20:08I wish I knew
20:09I would clock it now
20:11At the time I was like
20:13Don't think
20:13Don't think about anything
20:16Don't think about your mom
20:18Whatever you do
20:19There's something really magical about your parents not letting you watch TV
20:23And then you having to sit in a cinema with your mom while you're welded onto a ceiling with jizz
20:30You know what I mean?
20:32Solid
20:33Yeah
20:34Yeah
20:35Yeah
20:35It is
20:38It's been a wild turn
20:42Sorry mom I'm not Joan of Arc yet
20:45Um
20:46Anna I have to ask you about House Bunny
20:48Yes
20:49Because
20:50Thank you
20:51Thank you
20:52You made it a while back and you produced it yourself
20:56You pushed it through
20:57You had this idea
20:58Oh boy it was tough
20:59My original idea
21:01Uh was
21:02And I pitched this to the writers
21:04Um
21:04I said you know I was thinking about a lower echelon playboy bunny
21:08And she's getting a little old for the mansion
21:11She hasn't landed a husband
21:13She doesn't really have any skills
21:15What does she do with her life?
21:18So we pitched the movie 24 times
21:21Oh you
21:22And um
21:23The 24th time it sold
21:25To Adam Sandler
21:27And it was a
21:28It felt like a big achievement
21:30Later on
21:30I realised that of course
21:31He wants to go film at the playboy mansion
21:34And
21:35Like uh
21:35But it was great
21:36It is now a cult hit
21:38Dang
21:39I mean people who are in their twenties
21:40They're obsessed by it
21:42Talk to me about the creation of the demon voice please
21:44Well
21:48Our director
21:50Came up to me on set
21:51And he said
21:51Why don't you try a funny voice when you repeat their names?
21:55So what came out was
21:58Gloria
22:00I can't do it for very long
22:02But I can't do it as well as I used to be able to
22:04I'll have to work on that
22:05Could I take voice lessons with you?
22:07I mean
22:08Rafe would be the guy
22:11Rafe
22:12Rafe
22:12Very nice
22:14It's an honour
22:17I'll warm up
22:18I'll warm up back into it next time I'm on the show
22:20OK
22:22How great
22:24Oh
22:25You said you
22:26I mean
22:27I wish
22:28I'm gonna
22:28I gotta get better at it
22:29At the very end of the show
22:31Can you
22:31Do you think you could say Moby Dick
22:33In that
22:34I do
22:36OK
22:36Good
22:37I do
22:37When can we see scary movies?
22:40Um
22:40June 5th
22:44Thank you so much
22:46Um
22:47Please
22:48Olivia
22:49Talk to us about House of the Dragon
22:50Series 3
22:51People loved the first two
22:54What transpires?
22:56What's Series 3 about?
22:58Well
22:58I
22:59Have
23:00Accidentally put my son
23:01On the throne
23:02Um
23:04Oh
23:04He's sort of usurping the rightful heir
23:06Rhaenyra Targaryen
23:07You always had good judgement
23:09What's happening?
23:10I did but then
23:10But then my husband the king
23:12He was on his deathbed
23:12And I thought I heard him say
23:14Oh
23:14Aegon
23:15I'd like him to be on the throne
23:16But he was talking about something else
23:18Oh no
23:18It had too much milk of the poppy
23:20Oh boy
23:20Um
23:21So
23:23So
23:24We're really
23:25We're really facing the fallout
23:27From my
23:28Mistake
23:29And we're coming to the season
23:31At the brink of
23:32Civil war
23:33And I've
23:34Parlayed my freedom
23:36For
23:37Er
23:38My son's head
23:39It's very dramatic
23:41Very dramatic
23:41Can we have a look please?
23:42Yes
23:47Where were you?
23:53Alicent came to Dragonstone
23:54She will open the gates of the Red Keep
23:57And surrender to me
24:01You cannot
24:03Trust her
24:04Soon or late
24:05Renée will send her new dragons here
24:08It would be the end
24:12It would be the end
24:19Oh
24:23Very dramatic
24:24Very dramatic
24:27Very dramatic
24:28It's so
24:29Yeah
24:30All of it
24:31You're like
24:32You're like
24:33Holding a sword
24:34Yeah
24:34I like the fact that you like to prank on set
24:37Yeah
24:38What do you do?
24:39Well I did it once
24:40And then I was scared that I'd me too'd myself
24:42So I then didn't do it again
24:44Erm
24:44But I had to do a sex scene
24:47Erm
24:48Where
24:49My scene partner was underneath my skirts
24:52Erm
24:53You can imagine what was happening
24:55And
24:56Domino's
24:56Domino's
24:57Yeah
24:58Tic-tac-toe
24:59Erm
25:03And
25:03Erm
25:04Let's just keep saying games
25:05It's fine
25:06Jenga
25:09Because you have to wear these
25:10You know these
25:11Erm
25:12These
25:12Strap-ons
25:13These strap-ons
25:15We have to wear these sort of like
25:17Padded
25:17Sticky jockstraps
25:19For you know
25:19Obvious reasons
25:20And I said
25:21Can you make me
25:22The biggest
25:23Hairiest
25:25Merkin
25:26And I want the colour to be fiery red to match my hair
25:30And
25:31That's power
25:31And
25:33It looks incredible
25:34It looks incredible
25:35It looks incredible
25:35And you know I stuck it on
25:36And
25:36And the reaction
25:38That my
25:38That my castmate had
25:40Fabian
25:41Which I was a bit alarmed
25:42I was like
25:43Like surely you've seen
25:44Like hair
25:45Pubes
25:45Before
25:46Erm
25:47But he leapt
25:48To the other side of the room
25:49And he was so
25:51Shocked
25:52And
25:53Disgusted
25:54And he thought it was real
25:55And I was like
25:55Oh no
25:56What have I done
25:56What have I done
25:57What have I done
25:58I thought this was going to be funny
25:58But he was like
25:59I think he was really
26:01Stricken with anxiety
26:03From
26:04That
26:05Experience
26:05Good on you man
26:07Bring back pubes
26:08Yeah
26:08Bring them back
26:09I mean they never left
26:11Yeah
26:11My favourite thing in all of this
26:13Is just raves going
26:14Yeah
26:18He's up for it
26:20You also in series one
26:22You're all getting to know each other
26:23You asked your cast members to smell you
26:26Yeah
26:27Erm
26:27Well
26:29We're wearing these period costumes
26:31I'll think about you guys
26:32And they're very heavy
26:33And they're very
26:34They're very pinched into the arms
26:36And in these scenes
26:37They've got all the fires on
26:39They've got all the incense burning
26:40All the candles are on
26:41And you are hot
26:42And I was going up to Paddy concertine
26:44And being like
26:45Do I smell?
26:45Do I smell? Can you smell me?
26:46Do I smell horrible?
26:47And he was like
26:47Olivia stop
26:48But you know when you just get really paranoid about it
26:50And you think that everyone can smell
26:51And so you have to address it
26:53Before anyone
26:54Before anyone says it
26:55Yes or in their head
26:56Yeah
26:57This is what I find with
26:58You know like when you're doing
26:59Erm
26:59Like press or
27:01You know you're doing red carpet stuff
27:02And you're borrowing clothes
27:03And a stylist gets you outfits
27:05What you lot don't know
27:06Is they don't wash them in between
27:08So then you're on the red carpet
27:09And you're like
27:10Your new funk
27:11Is heating up the old funk
27:13And then you're just like
27:14Everyone's like
27:14Oh you look like a million dollars
27:15You're like
27:16I smell like about 2B
27:17Like yeah
27:19Oh
27:20Rafe
27:21Congratulations on the brilliant conclave
27:22I know it was a while back
27:23But yeah
27:24Oh
27:24Such a beautiful film
27:28There's some heavy robes you're wearing
27:30Voldemort also
27:32There was a gusset
27:33There was a gusset
27:34No in
27:34Yeah
27:35Um
27:36It's my favourite word
27:38I had to wear tights as Voldemort
27:42Underneath the long flowing robes
27:44And the tight
27:45They kept falling down
27:46So the gusset
27:47Would start somewhere here
27:49And then work its way down
27:52I couldn't walk
27:53As effortlessly as I had hoped
27:56Erm
27:57And eventually I said
27:58Can you give me a garter belt
28:00Can you give me suspenders
28:02And they did
28:05And I used to enjoy teasing the stunt guys
28:07By raising my
28:08LAUGHTER
28:13APPLAUSE
28:18Olivia when can you see House of the Dragon?
28:20It comes out June on HBO Max
28:22CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
28:27Erm
28:28It's a change of subject
28:29But if we don't discuss it
28:30Then what even
28:31Are we doing with our lives?
28:33Anna
28:34Er
28:34You wrote a brilliant book
28:35Oh I better get us some water
28:37Yes
28:38Called Unqualified
28:39Where you talk about the professions
28:40That one should avoid
28:42Yes
28:42In dating
28:44List some of the things
28:45We should not go near
28:46Number one
28:47Magician
28:48Correct
28:48You
28:51Somebody who was tricking you
28:52I don't know
28:53They won't let you in on their secrets
28:55I had a boy
28:57Also they're going to bore you rigid
28:58With a pack of cards
28:59LAUGHTER
29:00Like take my bra off
29:01I don't give a shit
29:02LAUGHTER
29:03Yeah
29:04Number two
29:05Athlete
29:06Professional athlete
29:08For the normal reasons
29:09Cheating and what not
29:10But also because
29:11LAUGHTER
29:12I think you're going to have to do
29:14Some ego lifting
29:15Yeah
29:16You know
29:16The rookie isn't that good
29:18And they're going to want a smoothie
29:20As soon as your knee gets better
29:22Yeah
29:23Yeah
29:23Number three
29:24Chef
29:26I do think
29:27It's an environment
29:29When I was waiting tables
29:30Where it felt like anger
29:34Wasn't managed
29:35It was celebrated
29:36I don't think you can leave that mentality at work
29:39Yeah
29:40I think there's only one
29:41In the list of professions you should date
29:45Yep
29:46And what is that please
29:47That is a woodworker
29:48A canoe
29:49A canoe
29:50Somebody who makes canoes
29:51By the coast
29:52A cop
29:53Solitary
29:54He's sad
29:57He's sad
29:58He's been lonely
29:59And he's
30:00But he's carving that canoe
30:02And sanding it
30:03I imagine he's quite thorough
30:05Oh yeah
30:06Yes
30:08LAUGHTER
30:15Sorry
30:17You know what we've got an army of in the audience
30:20Woodworkers
30:20They're right there
30:21No
30:22Gentlemen
30:24Oh
30:27Thank you Claudia
30:28They're amazing
30:29Woodworkers
30:30Thank you
30:31Woodworkers
30:32Thank you
30:33Woodworkers
30:33Quiet heroes
30:34Quiet heroes
30:34Yes
30:36Liam
30:37I think you are
30:38You are the speaker of the woodworkers
30:40Is that right?
30:41I think so yeah
30:42OK
30:43Have you ever made a canoe?
30:44Yeah
30:46Uh
30:46And I'm very thorough
30:48Um
30:50Oh
30:51Please
30:51Sanding and sanding
30:53Uh
30:54What do you think about as you're sanding?
30:57Yeah
30:57And
30:58Do you think about love?
30:59All the time
31:00LAUGHTER
31:01For the rest of you
31:03Any professions you'd steer clear of?
31:05Actors
31:06LAUGHTER
31:07Livia
31:08I think if you own or created an app
31:11I think it's...
31:12What about the man who created Wordle for his girlfriend?
31:16It's so romantic
31:16Oh I didn't know that story
31:17OK not him
31:18But all the other ones
31:20You don't want an app created
31:21All the ones that are coming to mind
31:23LAUGHTER
31:25Do you know what I keep on thinking
31:26Where you're like a woodworker
31:27But he's got to have like a story
31:29I'm like
31:29You need to read the Bible
31:31LAUGHTER
31:33That is true
31:34All minds gonna be blown
31:35I do
31:36Yeah
31:36I do
31:38You're gonna be well into that
31:39I don't have any big things that I'm like
31:42I'm more like
31:44As long as you're holding on to like one marble
31:46I'll probably bang you
31:48You know what I mean
31:49But I do
31:50I do
31:50I do have a
31:52A big no-no for me
31:53Is anyone who's been to Burning Man
31:55This festival
31:56You know this festival
31:57Yes
31:57In the desert
31:58And they're like
31:58Oh you don't need money
31:59We just
32:00It's a bartering system
32:01And you're like
32:02Didn't you just get a helicopter in?
32:03What do you mean you don't need money?
32:05And like I'm always like
32:06I don't plan
32:06I'll probably end up having to like
32:07I don't know
32:08Give out a wristy for an egg sandwich
32:09But it's not
32:11But beside that
32:12Beside that
32:13There's something about Burning Man
32:15Especially if you're on the dating apps
32:16And you see
32:18Like these guys
32:19That are at Burning Man
32:20And they all sort of like
32:21Look like they're dressed up like
32:22Mad Max
32:23And they're super cool
32:24And I just want to get my fanny
32:25And just chuck it in a bin
32:26I'm like
32:27Disgusting
32:28Michelle
32:29You were
32:29A highly successful model
32:31Gucci
32:32All of them
32:33You said it was great fun
32:34You were in New York
32:35Yeah
32:36And you're still friends with all of them
32:37Yeah
32:38We're still friends
32:39And also like
32:40We sort of shared something
32:42That's like very unique
32:43And although modelling is
32:45Especially at that time
32:46The early noughties
32:46You had to look a certain way
32:48But something that's kind of amazing about it
32:51Is that if
32:51As long as you looked
32:53That certain way
32:54Anyone could do it
32:54So I was friends with people
32:56From all different backgrounds
32:57I probably would never have met
32:58And we all had in common
32:59The fact that we were gorgeous
33:02So it's amazing
33:04From that like
33:05Wild time in your life
33:06Yeah
33:06That wild time of getting paid loads of money
33:09And peak starvation
33:11Yeah
33:11There was a mishap I believe
33:13With Anna Winter
33:14Oh yeah
33:16Yeah
33:16There's so many man
33:17So many
33:18But one in particular
33:19I was doing like a cruise show
33:22I think that's what they call it
33:24It was like a cruise
33:24In between
33:25Yeah yeah yeah
33:26Yeah you know
33:27No I don't
33:28Yeah you do
33:29So
33:30So yeah
33:31So anyway
33:31I was doing this cruise show
33:32And I walked down the runway
33:34And I'm wearing this like
33:36G string
33:36Sort of
33:37Swimming costume
33:38And everyone's like
33:39And I thought
33:40Yeah that's right bitch
33:41Yeah
33:42That is right
33:43You can see it
33:44And then I come backstage
33:46And the dresser starts
33:47Sort of pulling at the gusset
33:49Your favourite word
33:50The gusset
33:50My knickers
33:51She keeps going
33:51Tampons
33:52I was like
33:52Get your fingers out of my crotch
33:54And then I looked down
33:55And I'd done the whole runway
33:57And back
33:57With a tampon string hanging out
33:59Oh
34:00And that would never happen now
34:02Because I don't have that kind of fire gap
34:03But it was
34:05It was
34:06It was
34:07It was
34:07It was peak fashion
34:08How did
34:09Or when did the stand-up happen?
34:11Because I believe
34:11You were living in New York
34:12And you started stand-up
34:13When you were still modelling
34:14Yeah yeah
34:15I start
34:16I mean when did it happen?
34:17I was doing stand-up
34:18For years before it happened
34:21Yeah
34:21You know you sort of
34:22You try these things
34:24And you think you're doing well
34:25But the reality is
34:26You're not that great
34:27In the beginning
34:28And stand-up's just one of them things
34:31The only way you can get good at it
34:32Is to be shit
34:35Yeah sorry
34:35That's probably not the story you want
34:37No I like it
34:38No no I love it
34:40I was just terrible for a long time
34:41But you kept at it
34:42So you can't
34:43Yeah yeah yeah
34:43No I'm good at it
34:44Now you're brilliant at it
34:46But also
34:46You wouldn't have been
34:47As bad as you're saying now
34:50Otherwise you wouldn't have
34:51Continuously
34:52Yeah well you know what
34:52Yeah exactly
34:53And also it's just like
34:54I think now
34:55In the
34:56In where
34:56In we live in a time
34:57Where everyone's trying to like
34:59Monetise the talent
35:00Really quickly
35:00There's something really beautiful
35:02About stand-up comedy
35:03As an art form
35:04Because you have to do it
35:06In front of people
35:07And you can write all you want
35:09But you can't just write an hour show
35:10You have to go and try it out
35:11And so you know
35:13You have to make peace
35:14With this ego death
35:15That is going to happen
35:16On a daily basis
35:18And it's
35:19It's you know
35:20It's definitely life affirming
35:21You know you do one gig
35:23And you're like
35:23I'll crush that
35:24And then the next day
35:25You're like
35:26Wow I should
35:27Probably look into
35:29Woodworking
35:29Or something
35:30You know what I mean
35:32Talk to me about your show
35:33That you're doing now
35:35Sold out
35:36Rave reviews
35:37Yeah
35:38It's called The Afters
35:40And yeah
35:41I finish in May
35:42I think I put on
35:43Some extra dates though
35:44Please
35:44It is
35:45I always kind of
35:46I wanted to call this show The Afters
35:47Because I sort of feel like
35:48You know people say
35:49Your life is like seasons
35:51But me being
35:51You know an ex-party girl
35:53I like to think of your life as a night out
35:55And I think at 45
35:56Which is what I am now
35:58I think
35:59Yeah it's
36:00I know
36:08Please do not clap
36:09This is nothing natural about
36:11This is sorcery
36:14This is
36:15Under a full moon
36:16A five pointed star in the garden
36:18Like this is
36:19I haven't frowned since like 2007
36:22So
36:23Yeah
36:23I'm like
36:24Yeah clap it up
36:25I'll give you the number to my doctor
36:26But anyway
36:27But
36:28So I do
36:29I do think that
36:30You know if I think of life as a night out
36:32I feel like 45
36:33You just got to the afters
36:35Do you know what I mean?
36:35Well I think the best part of a night out
36:38Is the debrief
36:39And the afters
36:40Exactly
36:40Are you finding that in life?
36:42Exactly
36:43Yeah yeah
36:44The forties have been my favourite decade so far
36:47Definitely
36:47The forties as a woman
36:49Yeah
36:50Mwah
36:50Chef's kiss
36:51You know like you go through a little bit in the beginning
36:54Where you're like
36:54Your hormones start really going out of whack
36:56And you like look at the landscape of your mates
36:58And you're like
36:59Wow we're all tapped
37:00And then
37:01You know like
37:02You know what I mean
37:03You're like this is like the opening of a Michael Jackson thriller video
37:06You look at all your mates are a bit like
37:07You want some?
37:08You want some?
37:08Yeah I'm alright
37:09Yeah we go brunch
37:10Yeah let's go brunch
37:10And you're like
37:11You sort of think
37:12Wow we're really not being ourselves right now
37:15And then
37:15And then you start
37:17You know chatting to each other about
37:18Like what you want
37:19Are you on the source?
37:20See I'm on HRT is it
37:21Oh what else
37:22Have you tried pedestrian
37:24Do you know that you can get a
37:25You know sort of
37:27Testosterone for people
37:28Yeah
37:29And then once you get that
37:30Nicely balanced
37:31And then you make him money
37:33And that
37:33It's fucking unstoppable
37:35Let me
37:37Let me
37:38Ask you this
37:39Because I also
37:39I read which I loved
37:41Is you go off
37:42You're the supermodel
37:43You're in New York
37:43You start stand up
37:45And then you've come back
37:46And you're living in the same street
37:48That you were
37:49That you grew up on
37:50I like the fact that you've come home
37:52Yeah I know
37:53I've ended up buying a place
37:54On the same road
37:55Which is funny
37:56Because when I left
37:57I left arrogant
37:58Like I was like
37:59See you later
38:00I'm never coming back
38:02You know
38:03Do you know what I mean
38:03I was just like
38:04Bye
38:05And then you're like
38:06Gentrification happens
38:07And you're like
38:08Is there brunch and polite
38:09How am I going to be able
38:10To afford to
38:12People serving beans
38:13In ramekins
38:14Shit
38:15It's going to take me a while
38:17So yeah
38:17Now I'm finally back
38:18Where I started
38:19And the amount of jokes
38:21I've had to tell
38:21To be able to make
38:22Enough money
38:23To afford to move back
38:24There
38:24Is
38:27Mine's how
38:30You know what I mean
38:33We are nearly at the end of the show
38:36But we do this lovely thing
38:38Where people from the audience
38:39Can add something
38:40Or they can ask a question
38:43We are not qualified
38:44But if anybody has a question
38:45Is that okay
38:46Of course
38:47Yeah
38:47Anyone got any questions?
38:48I want a picture
38:49Oh I like it
38:50Already hands
38:51Yes please
38:52Hi
38:53I was just wondering
38:55Should I schedule a nap
38:57For my wedding day?
38:59It's a very good question
39:04Yeah
39:04Yeah
39:05Yeah
39:05Yeah
39:05Yeah
39:06Yeah
39:08But are you doing one of those
39:10So they're getting married at 12
39:11Then a drinks at 5
39:12No you've got to squish it all in
39:14Get married at 8
39:16Dinner at 9
39:16Night night
39:19Great
39:20Should we do that?
39:22I'll just rearrange it all
39:23Congratulations
39:24Congratulations
39:25I feel bad
39:26It's going to be an amazing 24 hour a-thon
39:29Michelle would you suggest a nap?
39:30I don't
39:31As someone who's married and divorced
39:33I don't think you want too much time to contemplate anything
39:38Have a lovely life
39:39Thank you
39:39Thank you
39:43Anybody else?
39:45Yes
39:45Of course
39:46Hi
39:46Hi
39:47How do you leave a first date early if you know you don't instantly like them?
39:51I tend to overcompensate but I don't want to do that anymore
39:54No, up and out
39:55Yeah
39:56Also, I've been on dates where they've gone really badly and I've just turned around to the person
40:02And being like
40:03Shall we stop?
40:05And they're always
40:05And they're like
40:07Yes
40:07Yeah
40:08The feeling's mutual
40:10If you're in a situation where you're like
40:12I don't think this is going well
40:13You best believe the other person's like
40:15This ain't it
40:16And then you can just give each other your time back
40:20Do you know what I mean?
40:22Yeah
40:22Do you take a shot before or?
40:24Well, the thing is then you might end up enjoying yourself more than
40:27You know what I mean?
40:28Then like
40:28Yeah
40:29So I would just be like
40:30This is not it, right?
40:32Yeah, shall we go?
40:34Thank you
40:35Yeah
40:37Maybe someone's got something better to
40:39No, I agree
40:39Because I
40:40When I've been single in the past
40:42I thought it's always led to a sympathy snog
40:44And I've never wanted to do it
40:46But I've just been like
40:46I don't know how to end the dates
40:47I'm like
40:47Here we go
40:58My question is
40:59What do you think is the meaning of life?
41:09I like it
41:11I'm surprised by it
41:14And let's run with it
41:15Rafe?
41:19Um
41:20Is that alcohol?
41:26Yes, it's good
41:27Yes, it's good
41:27It's a good girl
41:29It's a good girl
41:37Good friendships
41:39Enjoyment of food
41:41Um
41:42Acceptance of death
41:46Oh, that's
41:47Be cool about death
41:47Be cool about death
41:49Be cool about death
41:49Yeah, that's it
41:50Wow
41:50That's really good
41:53That's
41:53I like that
41:55That's really good
41:56Thank you so much
41:58We are going to end the show
42:00I feel bad to do this
42:02But would you just do the magic of demon voice Moby Dick and then my work is done?
42:09No
42:10No
42:11No
42:11No
42:11No
42:11No
42:15That's
42:16That is it
42:16We are
42:17Off to play
42:18Backgammon
42:19I'd like to thank my brilliant guests
42:21Michelle Deswark
42:31Thank you so much for watching tonight.
42:40Giving up their phones and bank cards,
42:43five new teams are leaving Sicily on the trip of a lifetime.
42:46Watch their race across the world.
42:48So far, on BBC iPlayer.
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