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00:00:16You
00:00:17Gosh this thing is dusty
00:00:25Look at my little
00:00:29Dress
00:00:31Until you are
00:00:32Out of school
00:00:35Graduated from 8th grade
00:00:36You can have buttons
00:00:37So there's
00:00:39And there has to be
00:00:42Four buttons is the rules
00:00:45Oh goodness
00:00:46This is my
00:00:47These are my dolls
00:00:49I couldn't have a real little
00:00:52Like cabbage patch doll or something
00:00:53Because that would have a face
00:00:55My goodness this is so weird
00:01:00It's literally is a sock doll
00:01:02With no face
00:01:08I'm sure this fits
00:01:09Unlike some of my other stuff
00:01:10Oh my goodness
00:01:11What I immediately think about
00:01:13When I wear something like this
00:01:15I can't even barely hear
00:01:16Because it's so
00:01:18Like I'm already getting closed off
00:01:20It's
00:01:22It's so restrictive
00:01:23I just don't
00:01:25Like I just
00:01:26I
00:01:27It even
00:01:29It's almost even physically
00:01:32Like it brings up
00:01:34All these different emotions
00:01:35So it's just
00:01:36Yeah I feel physically
00:01:39Drained
00:01:40Yeah so I don't know
00:01:42It's just a lot
00:01:43I want them to think about
00:01:48My five year diary
00:01:52When I was
00:01:54It says 14
00:01:56I was given this diary
00:02:01As a gift
00:02:02Like a graduation gift
00:02:05From 8th grade
00:02:07Or as soon as I got done with
00:02:11Sorry
00:02:16The area that I grew up on
00:02:18From the Swartzen Trooper Amish
00:02:19That was something
00:02:20That was often given as a gift
00:02:23So
00:02:23I have red marks
00:02:26Circled
00:02:27And that was
00:02:28Those were the days
00:02:29That
00:02:31That I had as a code word
00:02:33That I was
00:02:35Raped
00:02:39Oh Lord my God
00:02:43When I in awesome wonder
00:02:48Consider all
00:02:53The world's thy hands have made
00:02:58I see the stars
00:03:01I hear the rolling thunder
00:03:07Thy power throughout
00:03:10The universe display
00:03:15Then sings my soul
00:03:20My Savior God to thee
00:03:25How great thou art
00:03:29How great thou art
00:03:33When through the woods
00:03:38And forest plays
00:03:40I wander
00:03:43And hear the birds
00:03:48Sing sweetly in the trees
00:03:52When I look down
00:03:56From lofty mountains
00:04:00Grander
00:04:03And hear the road
00:04:06And feel the gentle breeze
00:04:12Then sings my soul
00:04:15My Savior God to thee
00:04:20How great thou art
00:04:25How great thou art
00:04:40Um
00:04:43It's been a while since I've been here
00:04:44But I
00:04:45Yes, right there's where it was
00:04:47So it would have been over there
00:04:49Because you drove the buggy
00:04:50And then you parked it on that side
00:04:56Now it wasn't very far
00:04:57But it was far enough
00:04:58That the buggy was hitting
00:05:01So now I don't like fishing anymore
00:05:03I associate it with
00:05:04What happened
00:05:06And so I don't fish anymore
00:05:14Yes, that's
00:05:15Yeah
00:05:17I've never come back here ever
00:05:19This close down here
00:05:21Ever since then
00:05:28I was thinking about
00:05:30Last time we fished here
00:05:33Um
00:05:34That was before that happened
00:05:36So that had to have been
00:05:37When we were probably 13, 12, 13
00:05:41And it's just interesting that
00:05:43We never talked about it
00:05:45We never discussed it
00:05:49What I can remember
00:05:50Is going to be a hired girl
00:05:53For another family
00:05:53I had done it many times
00:05:55I did it for lots of people
00:05:58Since I was probably nine
00:05:59Eight, nine years old
00:06:02And he said that
00:06:03Every hired girl he ever had
00:06:05He gets to take them fishing
00:06:07By himself for the whole day
00:06:09Um
00:06:11And then for that day
00:06:12That was the first place
00:06:14That he raped me
00:06:16And then
00:06:18He, yeah
00:06:20Later
00:06:21Here
00:06:22He raped me again
00:06:27I didn't know why
00:06:28She became mean
00:06:29And just
00:06:31Distant
00:06:32And um
00:06:33She was a completely
00:06:34Different person
00:06:36Yeah
00:06:40So I'm glad
00:06:41Glad to get the sentencing done
00:06:43And just have it over with
00:06:44And
00:06:49I don't want to
00:06:50I don't want to have to
00:06:52Come back here
00:06:53I probably won't ever
00:06:54Come back here again
00:06:57Um
00:07:00I just don't
00:07:01I just don't want to
00:07:17Well I guess we'll go to Rachel
00:07:22We got somebody bigger here
00:07:24Rolling up her nose
00:07:29I'm lifting out
00:07:3013, 13
00:07:33Having a birthday very soon
00:07:35Ain't ya
00:07:37And you're gonna be in eighth grade
00:07:39And then you're gonna be out of school
00:07:42Huh
00:07:43And are you glad
00:07:58Did you ever have someone working with you
00:08:01By the name of Lizzie Hershberger
00:08:02Mmhmm
00:08:03And um
00:08:04Do you remember how old she was about
00:08:06During that time
00:08:07Um
00:08:1015
00:08:12Give or take
00:08:13Something like that
00:08:14What kind of work did you guys
00:08:15And the hired
00:08:16Other hired people do
00:08:17Yeah
00:08:17So
00:08:17Milking cows
00:08:18Fed cows
00:08:19Sacking hay
00:08:20Pitching manure
00:08:21Cleaning out dog pens
00:08:23Morning and night
00:08:25In the barn
00:08:25Wow
00:08:28So that brings me to some questions
00:08:30I need to ask
00:08:31Mmhmm
00:08:34Um
00:08:35Was there ever
00:08:36Any kind of a personal relationship
00:08:38Between you and Lizzie
00:08:39Yes
00:08:39Okay
00:08:40Can you tell me about that
00:08:41Yeah
00:08:42Yeah
00:08:43It was
00:08:44Well
00:08:45Yeah
00:08:47It happened a couple times
00:08:50Well
00:08:51In Lizzie's journal
00:08:52She counted a total of 26 times
00:08:55Does that
00:08:56Sound like that could be possible
00:08:57It could very well be
00:08:59I guess I didn't realize
00:09:01It was that much
00:09:02That many
00:09:02But if she kept her journal
00:09:04You know
00:09:04And
00:09:07Journal don't lie
00:09:09Yep
00:09:16You know I
00:09:18This happened a long time ago
00:09:20And I think
00:09:21For her to come forward now
00:09:22It had
00:09:23It was something
00:09:23That she needed to do
00:09:25Kind of for herself
00:09:26To work through it
00:09:26I can see that
00:09:27Is it something that
00:09:29You think has kind of
00:09:30Affected you over the years too
00:09:31Or
00:09:32Have you thought
00:09:32Well
00:09:33I
00:09:33Yes
00:09:33Because
00:09:34I
00:09:35I've actually felt
00:09:38That I might have
00:09:39Ruined her life
00:09:43No I tell you John
00:09:45The little fun I had
00:09:48It's not what it's
00:09:49Yeah
00:09:50So you
00:09:53Putting on the
00:09:54Shirts uniform soon
00:09:56Well we'll see
00:09:57That's
00:09:57That'll be right
00:09:58Well
00:09:59I tell you what
00:10:00The Amish
00:10:01Are allowed to vote
00:10:02Otherwise
00:10:03My name
00:10:03Wouldn't be on here
00:10:04For you
00:10:10God
00:10:11I
00:10:12I
00:10:13I
00:10:17I
00:10:19I
00:10:19I
00:10:19I
00:10:20I
00:10:20I
00:10:37My friend gave me this, and I thought it would be, for my birthday, I thought it would be a
00:10:41good day to wear it.
00:10:43I might start crying. I don't want to start crying.
00:10:49That's why I don't want to read the letter.
00:10:55I just don't want to completely break down, but I know it would probably be good if I did.
00:11:03I want to get through security before 1, because the Amish will start, oh, they'll file through there.
00:11:25Oh, there's an Amish van right there.
00:11:30Did you see that?
00:11:32Okay, go left, and we might be able to get in there before they will, because they'll go down to
00:11:36the other side and come in.
00:11:39All right.
00:11:40All right.
00:12:03All right.
00:12:19Maybe have your daughter read it.
00:12:21Maybe you read it.
00:12:22You think I should?
00:12:24How do you feel?
00:12:29I think you will.
00:12:45Your Honor, I'm sharing my story with you today
00:12:48because I was shamed into secrecy for 30 years.
00:12:52I can't go back in time to tell the 14-year-old girl
00:12:56I was in 1989 that it wasn't her fault.
00:13:01I can't tell her that it wasn't okay
00:13:04for a man she trusted to rape her
00:13:06dozens of times.
00:13:08I can only do what is right today
00:13:12and hope you do the same.
00:13:17This secret has affected every aspect of my life
00:13:21since I was 14.
00:13:23I went to live with his family, not because I wanted to,
00:13:27but because as an Amish child, I was denied a high school education.
00:13:32I respectfully ask that you send a message to Crist,
00:13:36the Amish community, and all sexual abuse survivors
00:13:39that no one, especially a child, is ever responsible for their own rape.
00:13:44I guarantee you there are people in the courtroom today
00:13:48who have been abused by men like Crist
00:13:50and who are still suffering in silence.
00:13:54To the Amish children, I want to say that you are not alone.
00:13:58All of you are worth the risk of coming forward.
00:14:02You are worth all the justice in the world.
00:14:05God bless you.
00:14:13Thanks.
00:14:13Oh, yeah.
00:14:47Thank you for giving Liz tremendous strength as she read her statement.
00:14:51Most of all, we pray that you would be intervening in the Amish community, that this would send
00:14:56a message.
00:14:57And Lord, if other girls would feel so brave, that they might be empowered to come forward.
00:15:03I thank you for Liz being a pioneer in this.
00:15:06May Liz be healed by helping others heal.
00:15:16When we were speaking earlier today, we kind of talked about how this is potentially an
00:15:23issue in the Amish community.
00:15:24Nobody wants to talk about it.
00:15:27That's why I was the first person to ever come forward in this community.
00:15:31There's many cases that I know personally that have happened, but people just don't
00:15:35come forward and talk about them.
00:15:38How do you feel now?
00:15:39I actually feel almost more in fear of my life right now.
00:15:43They said, I better hope they do not meet me in a back alley.
00:15:50What?
00:15:51What?
00:15:56I told a trooper, I said, the more that you start digging in the Amish and Mennonite community,
00:16:03the more crimes you're going to find.
00:16:06Let's go be real women and sit out there and like, feel the storm.
00:16:11Oh, but it's cold, isn't it?
00:16:13I'm going home.
00:16:14Come on.
00:16:24I love it.
00:16:28I love it.
00:16:29I love it.
00:16:30I know.
00:16:31I know she does it.
00:16:48Let me first say, we are a safe place.
00:16:53We want you to feel safe.
00:16:55Our mission is to create a platform for other ladies to share their stories.
00:17:01I was sexually abused by my brothers, my dad.
00:17:09I was born and raised in Amish.
00:17:10I was a victim of sexual abuse.
00:17:13It was a family member.
00:17:15I was raised in a really strict Mennonite setting and my father was my main sexual abuser.
00:17:29You guys are all awesome.
00:17:32Great.
00:17:32Thanks for sharing this.
00:17:34It really takes a lot of courage to come up here and still share your story in front of lots
00:17:39of women.
00:17:41Voices of Hope was started by myself and Dina.
00:17:45We came to Berlin, Ohio for the second conference.
00:17:50And I want these women to go home and feel empowered that they can stand up and they can share
00:17:57their story and that they have met someone here that they can call.
00:18:02Because some of these women are still being abused.
00:18:04I want to see us just having more of these events and more resources and more people getting involved and
00:18:12more people sharing their stories.
00:18:15So I'm walking down to the neighbors and I heard the gravel crunching.
00:18:19And I look back and I see my teacher, sixth grade teacher, and he dropped his pants and exposed himself.
00:18:28And I ran home and my mom's in the kitchen.
00:18:32I told her that he chased me and then dropped his pants and she says,
00:18:39Fix the cup. Fix your bonnet.
00:18:43And then she says, we need to teach you how to walk.
00:18:47Because if you move your hips too much or if you're whittling, you know, it can entice a man.
00:18:56And up until I was 16 years old, when I was leaving, it had never not even one time occurred
00:19:02to me that getting raped, being sexually molested,
00:19:07that it was wrong, or that it shouldn't have happened, or that I was so violated.
00:19:13You have to be willing to fight for the generation of little girls that are coming up,
00:19:18that are someday going to sit in conferences like this.
00:19:22Because we never stood up and said, this is enough.
00:19:42And you just left the office, so how is that?
00:19:46Because our oldest daughter doesn't go with us.
00:19:48I'm sure.
00:19:49No.
00:19:52On the sheet, I want you to circle three phrases to help you remember the truth when you are dealing
00:19:58with feelings of shame.
00:20:00And I realize now the abuse wasn't my fault.
00:20:04For so many years, I thought it was all my fault and that I owe it to my fault.
00:20:10The abuse wasn't my fault, and I am a survivor and overcomer.
00:20:17The abuse wasn't my fault, and I finally realized my worth and value are determined by God and not others.
00:20:27The abuse wasn't my fault.
00:20:31The abuse wasn't my fault.
00:20:31I think most of you said that.
00:20:33I am strong and courageous, and I am a survivor and an overcomer.
00:20:47Oh, hear the thunder.
00:20:49Oh, this is perfect writing, Mother.
00:20:51Perfect.
00:20:52I know there's two chapters that weren't done that you said.
00:20:56You have to write some more.
00:20:57I wish I could, if I could get a line.
00:21:00It just went, right there.
00:21:01Oh, thank you.
00:21:03All right, so let's go.
00:21:04This Amish girl helps the girl from Brooklyn about technology.
00:21:08We shortened it, but I like this one better, behind blue curtains.
00:21:12And we're more about coming to terms with Amish upbringing and childhood abuse.
00:21:20Pregnancy and where babies came from was not something that was shared or discussed in our Amish culture.
00:21:25I just kind of figured it out by reading Danielle Steele books.
00:21:32I know.
00:21:36Did you ever consider leaving the area?
00:21:40I don't want to leave now.
00:21:42That's running again, and that's what I did when I was 15.
00:21:45And I don't want to do that again.
00:21:47They can't intimidate me to leave.
00:21:49I can live here if I want to.
00:21:51Oh, the house looks terrible.
00:21:56I haven't done this in a while.
00:21:57Let's just see if I still got it.
00:21:59As an Amish kid, I could do this with my dress on.
00:22:10Okay.
00:22:12Oh, watch.
00:22:13Yeah, okay, now.
00:22:14Ah!
00:22:14Okay.
00:22:15Jesus.
00:22:16This is the door I came out when I ran away.
00:22:20Well, let's just go in and take it.
00:22:21Oh, it's so bad.
00:22:24See all the blue curtains.
00:22:27Everything's blue.
00:22:30That's the only thing you can have.
00:22:34The diary.
00:22:35Oh, this is another Amish magazine.
00:22:37Why I want no more vacation.
00:22:41Oh, she's going to go to church instead.
00:22:44Because she can get some pleasure out of church, but not vacation.
00:22:48Oh, boy.
00:22:49But that's being too worldly.
00:23:00And the bed was right here.
00:23:02And this is that slanted ceiling that I...
00:23:04Right.
00:23:05And there's only one window.
00:23:07Wow, you described it so well.
00:23:09Did I, though?
00:23:10Yeah, really, really, really good.
00:23:12I, like, haven't been in here in a long time, so...
00:23:15How do you feel?
00:23:18Stay here.
00:23:23Bad.
00:23:32I don't ever remember not being sexually abused as a child.
00:23:38I was definitely under the age of six, and the reason I remember that is because I had a pacifier.
00:23:44And I remember the incident with one of my uncles is that I went home and crawled into bed and
00:23:50had my pacifier.
00:23:52I remember sitting in the living room.
00:23:56There was people around.
00:23:57They would make sure you sit against the wall or something where they can be right next to you.
00:24:02And they would reach under your dress, and they would touch me.
00:24:05With my other uncle, he tended to take me out in the barn and always be like,
00:24:11we're looking for little kittens or have some excuse to get me alone.
00:24:16I was told not to tell, and I didn't.
00:24:21One of the things I know outsiders often speak about is the children are so well-behaved.
00:24:26You have to know behind the scenes, there is extreme discipline going on.
00:24:31You will get severely beaten.
00:24:34And I'm talking about kids in a high chair yet get swatted across the face.
00:24:38If you're too loud at the table, you're supposed to follow the rules.
00:24:43And if you don't follow the rules, there's consequences.
00:24:47I told the investigator that I believe 90% of the Amish that leave the Amish community have been sexually
00:24:55abused.
00:24:55But many, many of them, they will never come forward because you do not bring it up.
00:25:00You do not go in and report it.
00:25:02You're supposed to forgive and forget.
00:25:06That's why I'm going against everything that I've been taught when I decided to start writing my book.
00:25:11Now you see the 01.
00:25:39I want to hear that!
00:25:41Growing up, I was not allowed to ride a horse because I had my dress on.
00:25:46So I always thought about riding a horse when I could have pants on and ride a horse.
00:25:52So I absolutely loved them.
00:25:57And I don't know, it's just something about horses that bring you, like, therapy.
00:26:03My goodness, you guys are acting like you haven't had anything to eat.
00:26:10Hi, friends, and welcome to Season 5 of the Plain People's Podcast.
00:26:13Hello, everyone, and welcome to Police Off the Cuff After Hours.
00:26:17Welcome back.
00:26:18Good evening, everybody.
00:26:19We're very grateful to Lizzie for being willing to share her story.
00:26:24Lizzie, I am so honored to welcome you to Our Safe Communities, Survivor Voices.
00:26:32She's the author of a book called Behind Blue Curtains.
00:26:35Behind Blue Curtains.
00:26:37You know, growing up Amish in the community, I did.
00:26:39I was aware of a few sex abuse cases, but after reading your book, I was blown away and shocked.
00:26:48Your book is going to be such a resource for so many people.
00:26:53It's very informing because I myself had very little idea of what Amish actually is.
00:26:57I mean, you say things on TV, but I didn't really understand it.
00:27:01You were so sheltered and so far from what the real world, I think, is like that you have a
00:27:12lot of disadvantages.
00:27:14And one of the biggest ones is the language.
00:27:16And that's the unfortunate thing is it's a community where this is so easy for them to be able to
00:27:24do this.
00:27:25So where is he now, your abuser?
00:27:28Well, he only lives about 12 miles from my house.
00:27:32I still live in the community.
00:27:34He walks around freely every day.
00:27:36He is an Amish deacon.
00:27:39And, you know, no matter what, even though he's been sentenced, I still have to live with it.
00:27:43It's never going to go away.
00:27:44You know, it's always there.
00:27:47How are you with your mental health journey now, Lizzie?
00:27:52You know, it's definitely better than it was.
00:27:58I feel better than I have probably, you know, in about, you know, a long time.
00:28:10I feel better than I have probably, you know, a long time.
00:28:33I feel better than I have.
00:28:43Knock, knock.
00:28:45Come on in.
00:28:50Hey.
00:28:51Hello.
00:28:53How are you, ladies?
00:28:54Good.
00:28:54This is Lizzie.
00:28:55Remember me?
00:28:56Yes, I do.
00:28:59Nice to see you again.
00:29:01You too.
00:29:02We almost have the same name.
00:29:03Lizzie was trying to remember you from Voices of Hope.
00:29:05That was actually a really tough day.
00:29:07Yeah.
00:29:08It was a tough time right then.
00:29:14So how did you move up here in 2017?
00:29:19I called the police. I was eight and a half months pregnant.
00:29:23What did you have? Forty?
00:29:24Fifty dollars.
00:29:25Fifty dollars.
00:29:26Fifty dollars in my pocket and I left with six boys and eight and a half months pregnant.
00:29:31Got a job at Blue Gate.
00:29:34And worked in the kitchen was prep cook.
00:29:38And then I bought this place here.
00:29:41And in that time I was still shunned by the Amish church.
00:29:45And the shunning is because you went to the police?
00:29:50Mm-hmm.
00:29:52There was this discussion whether, do I dare say it?
00:29:56Yeah, I'm going to say it.
00:29:57But whether the Amish are a cult or not.
00:30:00Mm-hmm.
00:30:01You have to look this way. You're not allowed to do this.
00:30:04And you know, there's this box as we all know.
00:30:07And you have to perform and you have to be in that.
00:30:10Mm-hmm.
00:30:11So what about like your healing process?
00:30:14Have you been in counseling?
00:30:15I would go to the battered women's group, which I still do.
00:30:20What I probably will keep on studying for is to be a victim advocate.
00:30:25I have heard most good detectives, officers, especially victims' advocates, they all have
00:30:33had a history.
00:30:34Something happened in their family and they're doing it because they want to help others.
00:30:37Mm-hmm.
00:30:39Here you go.
00:30:40There you go, Lizzie.
00:30:42Oh, it's easy.
00:30:43Have you had your arm exercises today?
00:30:45No, I have not.
00:30:50This is not about speed, right?
00:30:54So this you need to put in the microwave.
00:30:59Who needs a microwave on a day like today?
00:31:13My boys come inside and get me sometimes when they don't want to listen.
00:31:17And I tell them that it's your demeanor with them that you need to be, show them that they're
00:31:31safe.
00:31:36I was 21 years old when I got married and I had no idea that I had married a man
00:31:44like that.
00:31:47The rape started early on in the first few months of our marriage, but I just thought
00:31:54that it's a wife's duty.
00:31:56I would scream and then he would hold his hand over my mouth.
00:32:02When I came home with a little baby, he would start shaking the baby.
00:32:08I did not know of domestic violence.
00:32:10I did not know there was a name like that.
00:32:14The ministers would come over periodically and they would tell me that I just need to
00:32:21be more submissive.
00:32:23They did not want police officers or any people from the outside to find out what was happening.
00:32:38In 2012, Samuel was born.
00:32:42All of my boys were really sweet, but there was something different about him.
00:32:49And he had these clear blue eyes that when you look up at the sky, then I always see Samuel's
00:32:57eyes.
00:32:59He died at four and a half months old from SIDS.
00:33:02And that completely changed me.
00:33:05I was never the same.
00:33:11One day, I ran over to the neighbors because I was so scared and she called the police.
00:33:19My youngest son was born two weeks after I left.
00:33:23He was early and he almost died.
00:33:28The sergeant told my parents, if that baby would have died, Willis would have been charged
00:33:33with murder because of what he did to me.
00:33:49This here is the no contact that the judge put in place.
00:33:54The court also finds that the defendant represents a credible threat to the physical safety of
00:34:00the person or persons named below.
00:34:03He knew that it wasn't safe for us.
00:34:09And he sentenced him to ten years and he told him, I would give you more if your plea agreement
00:34:18wouldn't have a cap on.
00:34:22So for men of the Amish culture, go to prison and be charged with crimes like
00:34:32this and be made public is almost more than they can take because it ruins their good image.
00:34:46To the Honorable Judge Chad Kukohan, my name is John Shetler and I'm writing in regard to Willis Hildy's sentence.
00:34:55I feel he would be a benefit to society if he were to be released to start a new life.
00:35:02Willis definitely would not be a threat to his children, wife or anyone he would be in contact with.
00:35:10How does he really know?
00:35:12He didn't live with him.
00:35:15Yeah.
00:35:43It's one of my peers in the grief.
00:35:44Eve is a man who wasn't married.
00:36:52Joyce, this is Lizzie.
00:36:54Hi.
00:36:54Nice to meet you.
00:36:56She's lovely.
00:36:57Yeah.
00:36:57My goodness.
00:36:58I just sold one of your books.
00:37:00Is that only?
00:37:01I have some.
00:37:03I have them along.
00:37:04Okay.
00:37:05Yeah.
00:37:05If there's only one left, yeah.
00:37:08Gotcha.
00:37:11Now, oh my goodness.
00:37:13That's so exciting.
00:37:13It is exciting.
00:37:35This is a very much needed thing.
00:37:39How are you?
00:37:40I'm okay.
00:37:40I'm so glad you came.
00:37:42I heard your book is out.
00:37:44All good?
00:37:45Yeah, it is.
00:37:45Oh, you read my book?
00:37:46I have your book.
00:37:47I've been thinking about you.
00:37:48I'm like, if I ever got to meet like a celebrity, you would be my person.
00:37:57I might have to go get some seats.
00:37:59I don't know what else.
00:38:00This is the most I have ever seen.
00:38:01We have ever had.
00:38:03There's 15 different seats.
00:38:06I didn't know that.
00:38:09Well, I have to introduce you to my friend that I brought from Wisconsin, Katrina, because
00:38:14she really needs the support.
00:38:26I've never cut my hair, but it's not like I mind it.
00:38:28Do you think somebody in your family would say somebody would cut it?
00:38:32Well, it's because of a fit that my dad threw after he saw that I was in jeans.
00:38:37I had friends, you know, who told me that they look at themselves as survivors and overcomers,
00:38:42and I don't think I quite came to that point yet.
00:38:45In the Mennonite churches, you know, you aren't supposed to talk.
00:38:48Women's voices are nothing.
00:38:50I talked a little bit about how I'm struggling about going ahead with this court case, especially
00:38:54with the baby on the way and the trial being just a couple weeks before she's born.
00:39:00And I admit it that I'm thinking of totally dropping it because I just can't see how I'm
00:39:05going to go on.
00:39:06The district D.A. gave me a choice.
00:39:09I mean, in a case that old, they could have dropped it.
00:39:11And my response was, if I say, no, we're just going to drop the charges, they win.
00:39:20They win.
00:39:21And I'm not going to let them win again and let them keep doing what they've been doing.
00:39:25Somebody has to step up.
00:39:31We lived on a small hobby farm in Curtis, Wisconsin.
00:39:37I just really always enjoyed, like, the family time.
00:39:40We did most everything together.
00:39:43I was 15 at the time.
00:39:46When I started working at the greenhouse, he would have been 25.
00:39:53He always seemed like a very quiet, shy guy.
00:39:56I mean, I really didn't see it coming, I guess.
00:40:03He usually caught me when I had my back turned to him.
00:40:06And he would put one arm around the top of my neck and pull me back against him.
00:40:11And then he would use the other hand.
00:40:16I had a friend who was shot and killed in Texas.
00:40:20In the autopsy report, it showed that she fought back.
00:40:24She had his DNA under her fingernails.
00:40:26She went to hell because she was not being non-resistant.
00:40:30That's what we were taught.
00:40:33Saying no, pushing him away, telling him to quit.
00:40:37That, to me, honestly, felt like I was the one at the wrong.
00:40:43One day, he came up behind me, as he usually did.
00:40:47And he pushed me up against the table.
00:40:51He was very, very frantic, I guess you would say.
00:40:54And his sister walked in.
00:40:56And she told me, if a girl would stay at her place, things like this would never happen.
00:41:03I was bleeding a bit.
00:41:05And I had no idea why at that point in time.
00:41:08The minister's wife called.
00:41:11She said, I just want you to be aware.
00:41:13Whatever punishment he gets, you're getting to.
00:41:17The last time I came back, we were having a family gathering.
00:41:21I was kind of like the outcast, of course.
00:41:24Nobody really talked to me.
00:41:25But I was sitting out on the porch, holding my two youngest brothers.
00:41:28Mom came and took them away from me.
00:41:32My dad was put on proving foresiding with me.
00:41:39Dad's trying to make things right with the church again.
00:41:42And one of those things is not to talk to me.
00:41:46He needs to weigh his own options.
00:41:49Is it more important to talk to his daughter?
00:41:52Or is it more important to try and keep the rest of his family together?
00:41:56You know?
00:41:59I don't know.
00:42:19I don't know.
00:42:20Oh my gosh, Katrina.
00:42:22You don't have to do this.
00:42:24We wanted to do the shower.
00:42:25You're hosting a baby shower.
00:42:26Well, I...
00:42:27Technically, you're supposed to give the hostess a gift.
00:42:30Yeah, but not something this big.
00:42:34Thank you very much.
00:42:35That's very nice.
00:42:38But how long has it been since your sister left?
00:42:40A year in January.
00:42:42So it's like a year and...
00:42:45See, I only left like three months after she did.
00:42:48Not even three months after she did.
00:42:50See, I always keep thinking she was gone a lot longer before that.
00:42:53But do your parents not communicate with her at all either?
00:42:57Nothing.
00:42:57No, and she's to the point she doesn't want to because she's suicidal.
00:43:05Her boss called me because he was really worried because he found a bloody knife in the shop and she
00:43:10was...
00:43:10Oh my gosh.
00:43:10If you see her now, if she wears a short-sleeved shirt tomorrow or anything like that, or even shorts,
00:43:17she has a lot of scars. A lot.
00:43:20From cutting.
00:43:21Mm-hmm.
00:43:53I'm so excited.
00:43:53Ho-ho-ho-ho-ho.
00:43:58Come walk for me.
00:44:05Come walk.
00:44:06Come walk.
00:44:07Come walk.
00:44:08Come walk.
00:44:08Come on, brother.
00:44:12Come walk.
00:44:13Come walk.
00:44:15Come walk.
00:44:16Come take your speech.
00:44:17Come walk.
00:44:19Come walk.
00:44:20Prince, and you know what's funny?
00:44:23I guess Darien, you know, knows a little bit of Amish words,
00:44:26and he figured out that Prince listens better
00:44:28if he talks Amish to you.
00:44:30Oh, yeah, that's what he was used to.
00:44:37Yeah, yeah, you're fine.
00:44:39I should have told you to go away further.
00:44:42You know, when there are these Amish horses,
00:44:45they know, like, he didn't know what my lawnmower was.
00:44:48See if I can still do this.
00:44:50Okay, right?
00:44:51Yep.
00:44:53I'm not sure what that is.
00:44:55I've never seen that.
00:44:55It says in the rains.
00:44:56Oh, okay.
00:44:57Good at that.
00:44:58Come on, that's a cup, Romo.
00:45:00There you go!
00:45:02See, Menno, you still got it.
00:45:05Might become Amish.
00:45:07Amishing again, huh?
00:45:09I think I'll stick with my car.
00:45:13This is a lot of work.
00:45:20I was driving one of my dad's horses one time,
00:45:23and he was really spooky, and she was telling...
00:45:27I have to take this call.
00:45:27Okay, you have to stop.
00:45:28Stop.
00:45:29Victim Services, how can I help you?
00:45:33Well, I'm a volunteer with Victim Services.
00:45:36Are you having, like, a panic attack, or...?
00:45:39Okay.
00:45:40Are you in a safe place?
00:45:42Yes.
00:45:43Yeah.
00:45:44Okay.
00:45:45So, my backup's name is Melissa.
00:45:48I'll have her call you back right now on this phone number, okay?
00:45:52Like, literally within a minute, okay?
00:45:55Yep, bye.
00:46:03Um, somebody's having a panic attack, and she's at work, and she has tried to report her case,
00:46:09and she has not been able to report it, and it's, she said she was raped.
00:46:20Um, when somebody has, is having a panic attack, like, I know what it is.
00:46:25You can't breathe, you can't, like, you feel like you're dying.
00:46:28Jeez.
00:46:29Because you can't, you can't breathe.
00:46:30Like, you can't, like, and then she's crying.
00:46:35Have you ever had one?
00:46:36No, I don't know.
00:46:37Oh, I have.
00:46:38Oh, my goodness.
00:46:38I don't know what a panic attack is.
00:46:49I do, I...
00:46:50You want to go...
00:46:51I want to look at it.
00:46:52Okay, okay, okay.
00:46:54There you go.
00:46:55Oh, wow.
00:46:56That's all I wanted to see.
00:46:57That's all you want to see?
00:46:58See how deep hot it looks like.
00:47:00Oh, it's hot.
00:47:03You know, it's a hot tub.
00:47:04Do you come in here when it's cold out?
00:47:06Oh, yeah.
00:47:07That's the best time.
00:47:08It'll probably feel good until you're ready to get out.
00:47:10Yeah, yeah.
00:47:11There you go.
00:47:12That's the key for it.
00:47:16From talking to Amish people and, yeah, former Amish, I see the number of cases going up.
00:47:23But I think that's because so many more people are talking about it.
00:47:26You know, think about a couple years ago when you first came to the courthouse to hear my case.
00:47:31Like, nobody was talking about it.
00:47:33I don't think I've ever seen it like this.
00:47:36So can you see yourself become, like, somebody's mentor or close, like, father figure if somebody leaves the Amish?
00:47:46Which, for a long time I didn't because I never received it myself.
00:47:51I mean, like, at home, I never felt accepted and approved.
00:47:57No, no.
00:47:57But I have a lot of people that have been, like, really good to me and accepted me and, like,
00:48:05treated me like family.
00:48:06So now I know what that feels like and now I feel like I could do it for other people.
00:48:12Yeah.
00:48:12I could totally see it.
00:48:14I think you'd be good at it, Menno, because of all the things that you've went through and all the
00:48:19healing you've went through.
00:48:23I think it happens a lot in the Amish community.
00:48:32Oh, boy.
00:48:35Just what I've seen, the experience with my brother, he learned it from someone else.
00:48:43I was nine years old.
00:48:46My brother was 11.
00:48:49And one night he started sexually molesting me.
00:48:55I was always scared of my older brother because he would hit me or hurt me like it would hurt.
00:49:07And at the same time, I was also scared that my daddy's gonna hurt me if I mention it.
00:49:17Coming out here brings up memories of home and sometimes I get sad.
00:49:23I guess I don't have family.
00:49:25Well, I do, but it's not...
00:49:30They don't let me stop in anymore.
00:49:35Finally, by the age of 26, I almost committed suicide.
00:49:41I can't really see, but there's, like, hooks over there.
00:49:44I was thinking of, like, taking my belt and just hanging myself off of one of those.
00:49:58It was, like, the worst feeling ever, but I felt, like, so hopeless.
00:50:05And then I met Rachel, Lacey's sister, and that's the first person I ever told.
00:50:15And it felt very good to be able to talk to someone about it.
00:50:23Like, if it wouldn't be for her, I don't know where I would be.
00:50:30Like, I don't know how I would have got, if I would have got through it.
00:50:33I don't know if I would have...
00:50:38It's very hard to talk about your own story.
00:50:41I am very proud of Lacey for stepping up and making the decision to share her story with people.
00:50:50It helps me to be able to share my story.
00:50:55There's a lot of Amish that need help,
00:50:57and somehow they've got to find a way to stop it or be able to get free from it.
00:51:05No, no.
00:51:22Santana!
00:51:24Come on, guys. Come on.
00:51:26Come on.
00:51:31some days are a lot easier than others the toll that it takes yes on it's not
00:51:38just a toll even on myself it's a toll on the family my husband did not want me
00:51:43necessarily to come forward and share because it affects family members I'll
00:51:51wake up in the middle of the night and I think about the prior day or a prior
00:51:56case that I have and I can't reach everybody but if I can teach a few and
00:52:01then they will do the same thing and that multiplies and keeps going
00:52:18come on guys
00:52:34if you have any questions or if I talk too fast please just let me know okay and
00:52:41guess where we notice our age first under the eyes and you want to use this also
00:52:48morning and night
00:52:53how many of you have drawerfuls of makeup sitting at home that you don't like products
00:53:07everybody bought me I still kind of am in public kind of are in public I mean it just for
00:53:15various
00:53:16reasons I address Mennonites sometimes but she's still technically not I did that for a while I
00:53:20went to family gatherings and I dressed up really nice but that didn't work for long because then I
00:53:25was a hypocrite it's really scary to step out because a lot of people are gonna criticize and
00:53:33also like in the Mennonites if you start talking about depression and suicide everyone just kind of
00:53:38go school away from you and then they tell you that you need to straighten your relationship with God
00:53:42out and then you will be fine I just shared with somebody at one time about some messages that some
00:53:48guys were sending me that were actually Mennonites and they just up and told me well you know
00:53:54sometimes you go out into public and you don't wear socks and that's why guys are messaging you if
00:54:00any guys bothered me about anything it was because I combed my hair too loosely on a Sunday morning
00:54:10which I must admit I did I mean it looks prettier and so someone is here that's from the church
00:54:26that
00:54:26I go to Charlotte's husband is still a member there or he still goes there
00:54:35so I'm just kind of nervous because I haven't exactly came out to them you're fine time you own the
00:54:42world
00:54:45hey Davina
00:54:46I was thinking about my daughter when she was young she wanted to be Amish
00:55:04why
00:55:05I don't know I thought it was cool
00:55:08then I said I'll drop you off for a whole week
00:55:12I think a lot of people you know they see the culture and they appreciate the culture
00:55:15you know with the lifestyle and everything but once they actually come to the rules in the church that's
00:55:20what because I mean that's what did me off
00:55:23well and I think also joining the church is so important because it's a heritage it's a culture
00:55:30and so they want you to
00:55:32cult
00:55:32did you say culture
00:55:35they want you to stay in it because I know at least for my parents leaving the church is like
00:55:41completely
00:55:43disrespecting everything they've ever done you also disown what your family taught you it's like it's very personal yeah I
00:55:49also remember one thing you said well I would only have to go to eighth grade and that was one
00:55:54reason I left because they didn't want me getting a higher education after you left they had a six hour
00:55:59interview with me about it and that's what that's what sent you to hell because you were getting a higher
00:56:05education so I was supposed to quit mine at that point of time you know yeah it was six hours
00:56:10god forbid women ever do anything with their lives
00:56:13it's not really that great
00:56:15yeah well I've learned with having a mom who asked me how to spell everything
00:56:22we had an encyclopedia that was that was heavily edited you know
00:56:28oh no
00:56:29it had a question
00:56:30it had pages cut out and white out and a marker so I would sit here with the encyclopedia
00:56:39because you know the marker you can still see the words through the marker
00:56:42or if it's white out I would scratch it off and then wait out of the
00:56:45right
00:56:45yep yep
00:56:46yep yep
00:57:03we're working with a lot of Amish women who are still within the
00:57:07communities and every woman I meet has a story of trauma I mean she was possibly
00:57:15sexually abused by her dad or her grandfather she watched it happen to her
00:57:21little sisters she's now in a marriage where she's controlled and abused
00:57:27emotionally sometimes physically sometimes sexually I really need somebody like you
00:57:34to look up to because you have so much more experience I mean I've lived through yes the
00:57:40abuse being Amish but I can just learn so much from you on how you handle victims and
00:57:45how you deal with you know making them feel safe and you don't want to re-traumatize you
00:57:52know anybody the work is hard it is it is and and I told somebody it's kind of it's kind
00:57:59of lonely
00:58:00sometimes because what what victims share with us is safe with us you know I think the external
00:58:05community has to do a much better job I was gonna say that's the problem because they shared and they
00:58:11didn't they didn't get a response of you know how you're responding that you believe them that
00:58:17they're safe they can share their story with you and I I see a lot of change happening but
00:58:23there's so much room for growth now it is we want to talk about it people are talking about it
00:58:29but
00:58:29we're not sure how to handle it sometimes when I'm meeting one-on-one with these women they will
00:58:33draw me pictures they will do sketches these are plain women and they are weeping and there's
00:58:42children among them that are obviously hurt when I say what is it like to be part of this community
00:58:52this is what she drew and up here she's using words to express what they're all feeling
00:59:04in the last two years I've probably met with nearly 200 women we think at least 50% of women
00:59:11we're sexually abused and some folks thinks it might be as high as 80% and what comes up time
00:59:20and
00:59:20again is that they really have no agency to get the kind of help that they need
00:59:34there's concentric circles of authority and these women are crushed by all of the authority that is
00:59:41around them and it is all male authority
00:59:59the stories that they share are often of really horrific sexual abuse as children they watch their
01:00:09children then become victims and they desperately want to break the cycle and I want to be able to
01:00:19nurture and develop more Lizzie's because it's the Lizzie's who are going to lead this movement
01:00:40I received this letter from somebody Amish I wasn't quite sure if I should open it but
01:01:02in my book I talked about the first time that I was raped was that he um kept saying relax
01:01:19the and this is this is from somebody I know whom I grew up with um says I pray for
01:01:26the family of the
01:01:27accused I can't imagine what they're going through but she grew up neighbors with me neighbors with me and I
01:01:34I can't believe I mean just ridiculous somebody I also grew up with and said Julie that's just it you
01:01:45think there would be more victims stories however there isn't
01:01:51Susan 30 years later she's still looking for attention then somebody else said the way I the way I heard
01:02:01she
01:02:01she tried to throw herself on to someone else right around the same time so I don't think it's rape
01:02:07or she
01:02:08would have fought back and wouldn't let it happen again and that was also somebody from my community
01:02:14um this has probably hit me the worst it says I was always told that you can't rape the willing
01:02:29eight eight eight thumbs up three with a love I mean are you kidding me
01:02:38some of these people I don't know oh my goodness
01:02:41yuck yuck yuck yuck yuck yuck yuck yuck
01:02:57I definitely was very concerned about publishing my story I was really trying to prepare myself for
01:03:05backlash like this now some of these people that commented I'm sure they haven't taken the time to
01:03:10read it and they're not they're not going to have an open mind um on any of this but I'm
01:03:16still I'm
01:03:17not sorry that I came forward
01:03:34there are people in my community that would rather burn the book then you know have another person read it
01:03:45I'm proud of you
01:03:47I know it's been one of the hardest things you've ever done in your life I'm proud of you
01:03:52you know thank you
01:03:55voices of hope the first time I spoke is the first time that I had ever actually shared my story
01:04:00that's just really been um
01:04:04life-changing for me but I feel like it's really changed
01:04:07my life you know our sharing our stories with each other encourages each other and helps
01:04:15build one another up what you're doing is going to make a big difference and it already has yeah
01:04:20that's the thing there's they're already ripples in there they're spreading and there's other people
01:04:28that are going to stand in the gap now because you stood in the gap
01:04:48it's been 15 years and I'm finally able to
01:04:53you speak women are taught to be submissive women hate no boys supposed to forgive and
01:05:02forget and move on I know for a fact that this happens a lot when I read Lizzie's book one
01:05:07of the
01:05:07things that I felt was this I'm not alone and feeling like my community abandoned me
01:05:14there's a lot of things that you have really went through and now look at
01:05:22look at the outcome I loved working with Lizzie this inspired a whole movement
01:05:31two Amish brothers are heading to prison for 15 years Aaron and Petey Schwartz both pleaded guilty
01:05:38to sexually assaulting a 13 year old girl abuse survivors turned advocates made their way from
01:05:44Minnesota Lizzie Hershberger and Rachel Holly were raised Amish now they're working with authorities on
01:05:51these types of cases I think that's one of the biggest things that the problem right now with
01:05:56getting these cases brought to justice is because of the language barrier
01:06:10so what you think is that basically I'm here meddling in somebody else's business
01:06:17and that this is Rachel I've seen my sister struggle her whole life I saw what it did to her
01:06:24no I've seen it too many times of others who meddle in it somebody should have meddled somebody
01:06:30should have meddled in and helped us when we were six and seven years old and well I feel this
01:06:35way
01:06:36so I will take care of us
01:06:49the video in here will just explain a little bit about how the Amish work how their system works when
01:06:54to get interpreters because they're going to tell you that their children do understand but they really
01:06:58don't so if you ask a little child you know how are you being sexually abused they have no idea
01:07:04what that
01:07:04means obviously we can't go into the Amish community and go knocking on doors and say hey you need to
01:07:09talk to us things have to be reported to us they have no phones they have no way to reach
01:07:15the outside
01:07:16world we have some cards some education that we're bringing out and that was for dich thank you
01:07:23that's all right
01:07:28Amish women are starting to have a voice does the leadership like it do the men like it no but
01:07:37I aim to
01:07:38fight until it happens I'm a sure think that they can push their weight around and if they would be
01:07:46dealing with it correctly we would not have the unbelievable amount of victims that are coming forward
01:07:51right now I mean it is just I've never seen anything I like it like it is right now
01:08:03on Lancaster County man has pleaded no contest to the sexual abuse of four pre-teenage girls 75
01:08:09year old David Smucker of East Earl pleaded to 20 felonies including rape of a child and
01:08:14Amish man pleads guilty in Clearfield County court sexually assaulted multiple girls six girls
01:08:19without contact charges of aggravated indecent assault it seems to be a time when Amish women are really
01:08:27finding the courage to say no more I'm not willing to be silent I'm not willing to stand by and
01:08:33have
01:08:33my children and my grandchildren sexually abused no more of this you become a wife and a mother you do
01:08:39not get an education passed eighth grade I lived with it like just hidden and stuck away in the Amish
01:08:45community apologize there's even a bigger stigma and we don't talk without anything I mean I'm doing
01:08:52another vote later on women are taught to be submissive women are taught to be submissive women are
01:08:59taught to never a woman really never had a voice is that your anxiety one every morning instead of
01:09:16evening or they just just hit one twice a day okay do you want me to stand by you when
01:09:24you read it yes
01:09:24okay thank you for the opportunity to speak about how this crime has affected my life I tried to
01:09:30forget but battled with flashbacks horrible headache and horrible headaches I wrote a note to my folks
01:09:37and told them I loved them I didn't want them finding out the truth of what drove me to suicide
01:09:43I'm going to have to work on this for the rest of my life I am no longer controlled by
01:09:49you I will be my
01:09:50own person and I will speak from my heart I want to say to all the victims out there that
01:09:55I know
01:09:55you follow the command to be silent but I have another message for you you have the right to speak
01:10:00up you might lose everything but you'll find a sense of freedom you'll find people to stand with you and
01:10:08support you this cycle needs to be broken
01:10:27the other victim's father is here that is an intimidation to directly to his daughter not to
01:10:34come out and speak that's exactly what that's exactly what it is that daughter went home and
01:10:39told her parents her parents knowing her parents know that is it shows exactly the way they work
01:10:45they're so manipulative and they use their freaking religion
01:10:51I just don't I don't know how they are they
01:10:59every time you think there's a little I think there's a little bit of hope going on for them
01:11:03then they do something dumb like this how old is she now she would have just turned 16
01:11:32I was so disappointed in in the way he responded in the way
01:11:39the church still wants to stay sit there and say that they're behind him I was frustrated there's too
01:11:46many ministers in that church that are involved in it and if my sister would just that's why I'm kind
01:11:53of like my sister come on to speak out because she she suffered at the hands of the ministers themselves
01:12:23how did you get started having abuse awareness
01:12:28meetings what made you want to help well we were we were involved with putting together a call-in center
01:12:35for abuse people could call in and we got asked to do in a awareness meeting and so we did
01:12:42there's
01:12:43people that never told anybody all their life this is the only light at the end of the tunnel that
01:12:48they ever
01:12:48had if I remember correctly it was either you said you have five or seven days to do something
01:12:55can you do you still talk about that because I think that was directly to a perpetrator if they're
01:13:01sitting there can you talk about that just a little bit if you challenge a perpetrator that has been a
01:13:07perpetrator for the last 30 or 40 or 50 years they're not going to change in one day if you
01:13:13can give them
01:13:14a seven day thing that's doable maybe and it is for most people it is very doable and if there's
01:13:21a victim
01:13:22sitting there I challenge them that they have seven days to go tell their perpetrator that they forgive
01:13:28them and they're going to put all the baggage behind them and never bring this up again
01:13:38what about in in a case if somebody calls you and i don't know whether this has happened but what
01:13:45if a
01:13:45perpetrator calls you and says or if has it ever happened where they say they're currently still
01:13:52abusing if it's a child what has been your response
01:13:58my dad was molesting his two daughters and somehow it got exposed but the church stepped up and said
01:14:05we'll take care of this ourself and we'll be totally responsible and the dcs and the surf department said
01:14:13if you guys will hold him accountable they'll go with that and they he never did serve time
01:14:18and the sheriff told us he says we don't need any more of your people in our jails in our
01:14:24penitentiaries
01:14:34there's just so much denial and so much healing that has not taken place and it probably never will
01:14:42you know i remember the day when i thought you know i'm the only one and you know many of
01:14:48you might
01:14:49have felt that way you know and you know so young and so everything was so dark and you just
01:14:56yeah i didn't want to live i didn't want to you know see another day yeah i mean i still
01:15:02struggle with
01:15:02not feeling good enough or you know i haven't done enough you know
01:15:07i don't know if you're not saying what beauty came out of it so i'm gonna start
01:15:12okay go ahead i have i've just been blessed um
01:15:19getting to know you
01:15:23i love you as a person and the good the sad the crazy the beautiful the every area i
01:15:35but the one thing that i don't even know if you realize what you're doing
01:15:40it's out of those ashes that you do what you do
01:15:44like helping with voices of hope and that is can be so draining for you i've seen you
01:15:50i see you i know what happens to you but you do it because you're there for other ladies
01:15:57you don't want them to go through and you want them to know how to heal and how to
01:16:00see those are all the beauty that has come out of your ashes and it's making an impact
01:16:08it is rewarding especially when you come to a group like this and i hear all these stories of
01:16:13people you know um how they've overcome and it just it it inspires me to keep going
01:16:23it's just like um my bishop i just came from his house
01:16:28and then he asked me if i think that if willis changed and i told him no and he said
01:16:35well now
01:16:35my question is have you i was like i don't have to give you an answer on that one because
01:16:43have i
01:16:44changed yes i have but probably not in the way that they would want me to that took a lot
01:16:50of courage
01:16:50to do what you did today i am so proud of her so through all that who have you become
01:16:56i have
01:16:59become me and who is you because elizabeth the beautiful smart woman that's loved by god
01:17:17thank you everybody for coming we are very grateful you took time to come out hey
01:17:26what did you think of the conference that's awesome leaving him was very freeing
01:17:33it was the best one of the best decisions that i made but then in leaving the amish
01:17:39was better yet oh yeah i would never go back to that way i don't want to ever go back
01:17:46i got rid of right away of all my amish clothes and i still had my horse and buggy and
01:17:52i drove my
01:17:53horse and buggy down the road with english clothes off
01:17:58we talked to an amish bishop one time and i talked to him and i wondered you know i said
01:18:03you know that by law you're a religious leader you're required to make reports he said oh i know
01:18:09he said if i did that all the amish men would be in jail oh my god well then maybe
01:18:16that's what
01:18:17needs to happen i mean i came because i said you know i need to do something for my daughter
01:18:21this
01:18:22cycle has been going on for generations in my family i have to do something yes
01:18:30voices of hope is a women's conference to give women that have been abused a voice
01:18:36and so dina and lizzie wondered if we would lead the men's sessions even though it's awkward to talk
01:18:42about the painful things that we've gone through but it's part of the healing process there's a big
01:18:50tendency to um blame the person who's the victim there's no way that we'll ever forgive and forget
01:19:00that that is a lie that we've been taught too many of us have been taught all our life
01:19:15hello hey
01:19:16how do you think about it
01:19:19yeah
01:19:21we had a meeting kind of two weeks ago and then uh somehow 800 kind of
01:19:28huh
01:19:29uh
01:19:29yeah
01:19:32yeah
01:19:35yeah
01:19:36yeah
01:19:37yeah
01:19:37yeah
01:19:37stress to the answer to the guns equation is not for me to buy out of doing me to keep
01:19:44someone who
01:19:45the answer to the for the guns equation is for shower or prevention. That's absolutely what I can tell.
01:19:54Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. So it's, yeah, because think about when we come back and
01:20:01on this prevention, we don't have to do it anymore because it's not happening.
01:20:07Okay, but that is awesome. Okay. Yep. Bye.
01:20:15Finally, he said if we would put 200% of our energy into prevention, we wouldn't have to deal with
01:20:23all
01:20:24the after effects, which I think is huge. As I've told, I said, you cannot give a perpetrator seven
01:20:30days. You can't give him three days. You have to do something. Yeah, I'm going to work on that.
01:20:42Hey, Rebecca, anything else I can do like to support you when you're going through anything
01:20:48in court? Is there anything I can do to support you in any way?
01:21:13This individual has somehow found the courage to come and share her story with all of us in hopes
01:21:18it might help another find strength. Please give a very warm welcome to our survivor, Elizabeth Hilty.
01:21:25Are you ready? Are you ready for this? I am.
01:21:48Look at that. Scott, let's see if we can do this. I think we can do this.
01:22:06Let me find the one from the FBI agent.
01:22:14The FBI requested my expertise on, you know, how should you interview survivors in this case?
01:22:23I believe it was over 400 victims. I mean, and it took lots of hard work to get the FBI
01:22:31to finally get
01:22:33involved. The agent, and she said, just tell me everything you can about the Amish. And she just
01:22:38requested that I explain the language barrier, the limited education. And I said, everything I share
01:22:45with you, I hope that she will then go share everything that I've shared to try to educate
01:22:51as many people as we can.
01:22:52I'm fine.
01:22:53I'm fine.
01:23:13I'll be right back to you.
01:23:14Just let me know.
01:23:14I love you.
01:23:14I love you.
01:23:16I love you.
01:23:17I love you.
01:23:18I love you.
01:23:19I love you.
01:23:21I love you.
01:23:22I love you.
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