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FunTranscript
01:15Sorry I'm late.
01:18Where are the kids?
01:20Uh, when I left, Hunter was making love with his iPad on the terrace and Tori was ordering room service
01:26like her life depended on it.
01:27I made dinner reservations.
01:28What are you gonna do?
01:30Best laid plans.
01:32Hi.
01:33I will have a Negroni, please.
01:35Sure.
01:36Oh, wow.
01:38It's my vacation drink.
01:39I thought too much rosé was your vacation drink.
01:43Yeah, so I guess Negronis are my vacationist over drink.
01:46Reentry's a bitch.
01:48I don't want to go home.
01:49Hey, we're here till we're not.
01:51What?
01:51Negroni for the lady.
01:53Enjoy.
01:53It's my vacation philosophy.
01:54Wow, Coop, that's deep.
01:57You know that actually doesn't mean anything, right?
01:59It will after your second Negroni.
02:01I may switch to Mezcal.
02:02Famous last words.
02:05There will be others.
02:08Last words?
02:09No, vacations like this.
02:11You think?
02:13We're here till we're not.
02:14Oh, my God.
02:16Make it stop.
02:17Think about it.
02:18We've been very evolved doing something like this.
02:22Easier when we're not sleeping with each other's friends.
02:24Hey, you did it first.
02:25You were charged with murder.
02:27Fair.
02:28Can I have another one, please?
02:29Wow.
02:30See, senora.
02:32Put that down quick.
02:33Miles to go before I sleep.
02:36We're 50, Coop.
02:38Damn.
02:40I really thought I'd have it all figured out by now.
02:42Or at least I thought I wouldn't be starting from scratch.
02:45Listen, this time last year, I was looking at life in prison.
02:49And we could have lost everything.
02:51So I think we're doing okay.
02:52What you're saying is you lowered the bar.
02:55I obliterated the bar.
02:56There is no bar.
02:59Let's get very, very, very drunk.
03:03Okay.
03:17Did I interrupt that?
03:19Not at all.
03:20Sitting here drinking Negronis, you're looking to get laid.
03:22Not my type.
03:23Bullshit.
03:25I would do her.
03:27Really?
03:28I mean, if that's the case, I wasn't prepared for that.
03:31I just, uh...
03:32I could rally.
03:33You know, we're all consenting adults.
03:34In your dreams.
03:35I've had that dream.
03:36Don't let me get in your way.
03:37You're not in my way.
03:38You're not getting in my way.
03:39I mean, you're on vacation.
03:40If that's what you want to do, damn it, you should do it.
03:42That's not what I want to do.
03:44I mean, the kids bailed.
03:46It's your last night.
03:47We managed to make it through the entire trip without falling into bed together.
03:50Yay for us, by the way.
03:51Yay for us.
03:53This is America.
03:54Mexico, actually.
03:56You're well-preserved.
03:58And if you want to get yourself some, you should get yourself some.
04:01If I wanted to do anything, I would have done it already.
04:06That easy, is it?
04:10Yeah.
04:12I'm gonna go.
04:13Where are you going?
04:14What just happened?
04:16You felt me happy.
04:17You're good.
04:17I'm good.
04:18You say that.
04:19I'm not gonna sit here and...
04:23cock block you.
04:24I feel like this conversation just took a left turn.
04:27You'd be right about that.
04:31Hey, I got us a table at Flora Farms.
04:34Do you have any idea how hard that was?
04:37Best laid plans, right?
04:44There was a moment when going on vacation with my ex-wife seemed inconceivable.
04:49Turns out, there was good reason for that.
04:52But even having another argument with Mel that I didn't fully understand couldn't stop
04:56me from relishing the fact that I was drinking smooth whiskey on the beach at a five-star
05:00resort when I could have been serving 25 to life.
05:03All things considered, things were on the upswing.
05:08This is what happens.
05:10You get arrested for murder.
05:12You get exonerated.
05:13You get offered your old job back, but you decide to go a different way, burning that
05:17bridge once and for all.
05:18Which means your interim income source is now your primary income source.
05:23So you level up.
05:25And mend fences.
05:28Nothing buries the hatchet faster than a solid revenue stream.
05:32But in a town where perception is nine-tenths of the law, you want to keep up appearances.
05:38Like having an office in Manhattan to go to work in every day, which helps get your co-parenting
05:43back on track.
05:44Let's go.
05:49And now that life is feeling manageable, you can finally enjoy being single.
05:54All night.
05:56We're in for that.
05:57We're in for that.
05:59There has got to be a way, burning that house.
06:05Which means nights on the town.
06:09And nights spent at home.
06:12You might get what you're after.
06:15Cool babies.
06:17Strange but not a stranger.
06:19I'm an ordinary guy.
06:23My brother can't lose.
06:25Ah!
06:28You couldn't say if it was being arrested for murder or exonerated, but somehow the entire
06:33tawdry episode has boosted your social cachet.
06:36Not so much for Sam Levitt.
06:39Her lawyer managed to plead her down to a hefty fine in community service.
06:44She may have gotten off easy, but there's another law in Westmont Village, and that particular
06:50court shows no mercy.
06:53Life is better than it's been for a while.
06:55The family dynamic is more or less working.
06:58Your kids are thriving.
06:59And if there are moments where the simmering pain of your fractured family still threatens
07:03to kick your ass, well, that's where those nights I mentioned before come in.
07:10And failing that, there's always scotch in a classic movie.
07:14What'd you do it?
07:16Why'd you waste Cyrus?
07:18No reason.
07:19You're finally feeling comfortable again.
07:21In control.
07:23Safe.
07:24Optimistic, even.
07:30And as you already know from painful experience, that's generally when life will serve up a perfectly
07:37aimed kick in the crotch.
08:03Mr. Ash.
08:05Hi.
08:06Rene Hudson.
08:06We spoke on the phone?
08:07Hi, Rene.
08:08Hi.
08:08How are you?
08:09Wow.
08:09Nice car.
08:10Oh, are you a car person?
08:11I mean, not exactly, but...
08:13Oh, small talk.
08:14Small talk.
08:14Sorry.
08:15Okay, after you.
08:24Hello.
08:25Hi.
08:26Are you the listing broker?
08:28Yes.
08:28Samantha Lovett.
08:29Hi.
08:29Oh, and Ash.
08:30You don't look like a realtor.
08:32I mean that in the best possible way.
08:33Oh, I'm kind of new to it.
08:35Oh, hey, Rene.
08:36Hey, Samantha.
08:40So, Mr. Ash, should I show you around the house?
08:41Oh, just Ash.
08:42Okay.
08:43Ash.
08:44Yeah, I would...
08:45Yeah, I'd love that, but honestly, I don't want to waste your time, because I just feel like
08:50there's no world in which I'm buying this house.
08:51Oh, well, that was quick.
08:53No, it's just too small.
08:54It's just...
08:54I mean, it's way too small, actually.
08:56I mean, I'm standing here, and I don't know, I can already feel the entire house, you know?
09:00I want something I can get lost in, and this...
09:03Yeah, I don't know.
09:04Some of these design elements...
09:06Yuck.
09:07Yeah, I don't know.
09:09I was pretty clear I was looking for something much grander, you know?
09:12With a lot more oomph, some wow.
09:14But this place isn't even remotely...
09:16It's my house.
09:17It's your house?
09:18Mm-hmm.
09:19And that would have been great information to have before I arrived.
09:21I didn't know if she was disclosing that fact, considering the... the circumstances.
09:27The circumstances?
09:29What Rini is so subtly referring to is the fact that my husband died here last year.
09:34Oh, wow.
09:35Well, I'm sorry for your loss.
09:38My wife died eight years ago, so, you know, I'm in the club.
09:41I'm sorry for your loss.
09:43How did he die?
09:45He killed himself.
09:47What, here in the house?
09:49Pretty much right where you're standing.
09:51Wait a minute.
09:52This is that house?
09:53That whole thing?
09:54Mm-hmm.
09:55Yeah, made the news.
09:55They arrested you.
09:57Yes.
09:58You're a dangerous woman.
09:59Yeah.
10:01Hey, I've had a couple of brushes with the law myself.
10:03Then I guess we're both in that club, too.
10:05I guess so.
10:07Okay.
10:08Well, um, Mr. Ash, we should probably get going.
10:10Yeah, yeah.
10:11Hey, uh, Samantha, why would a broker who knows I'm in a different league show me this house?
10:19It's her fluffer house.
10:21A fluffer house?
10:23No, that's, that's not a thing.
10:25It makes the next house that she shows you look even bigger and grander by comparison.
10:30No, no, no.
10:32I like to educate my clients about the entire market before they consider a purchase.
10:37Is that something you do?
10:39Uh, hard to say.
10:41No one in this town will give me a listing.
10:42What?
10:43Why not?
10:45Oh, right.
10:46The whole convicted felon thing.
10:48It was pleaded down to a few misdemeanors, actually.
10:50That's great.
10:50Good for you.
10:52Will you give me a minute?
10:54Sure.
10:54Greeny.
10:55Yeah?
10:55Yeah, do you mind if I chat with you for a sec?
11:18That's the 750S, right?
11:23Yeah.
11:24It's a good car.
11:26Yes, it is.
11:28Hey, um, I'm suddenly finding myself in need of a realtor.
11:33How's your day looking?
11:43Hey, Greeny.
11:44You have the listing for the Bisbee estate, right?
11:46Yes, but this is not okay.
11:48Can you get us in in about ten minutes?
11:51Sure.
11:52Great.
11:52You know, I was planning to take him there.
11:53We're all set.
11:54Nice.
11:54Let's take my car.
11:56Hey, Samantha.
11:57Sam.
11:58Okay, Sam.
11:58I'm just wondering, how many houses have you actually sold?
12:02Including this one?
12:03Uh, none.
12:06Great.
12:24A paper shadow in a house of stone.
12:29The wooden flag of a drifting dreamboat.
12:34I never knew how far the ride was gonna go.
12:39Till I look back at the smoke.
12:43You can't keep up with the Joneses.
12:47Don't want to run for the roses.
12:52I got my pocket opposing.
12:58Sometimes I wonder why.
13:00Sometimes I wonder why.
13:02I just don't have what the Joneses.
13:08Don't want to smell their dying roses.
13:13I got my pocket full of pulses.
13:18I don't keep up with the Joneses.
13:23I'm sorry.
13:24I know why.
13:26I know.
13:55I'm Jeff Bratt.
13:56I'm Jeff Bratt with the Princeton Alumni Schools Committee and I'll be conducting
14:00your interview.
14:01Got it.
14:02I know your parents from back in the day.
14:05Are they well?
14:05Yes.
14:06Yeah.
14:07So, Tori, tell me, why Princeton, aside from the fact that both your parents went there?
14:13That's not enough.
14:16Well, put another way, what is it you're looking to get out of your four years with
14:21us?
14:22Oh, are you on the faculty there?
14:25What?
14:26No.
14:26I just assumed when you said us.
14:28Sorry.
14:29Figure of speech.
14:31Oh.
14:31Okay.
14:34There's no need to be nervous.
14:36It's just us talking here.
14:38Well, first of all, Jeff.
14:42I think we should acknowledge the pro forma nature of this interview.
14:48I'm a legacy kid on both sides whose father has been a consistent donor, and the reason
14:53he's been a consistent donor, the reason so many graduates of the IVs continue to support
14:58their alma maters is to make sure there's a spot for their kids there.
15:02Because, well, let's be honest.
15:03Because, well, let's be honest, there are much worthier charities to support.
15:07You all torched the planet in the name of capitalism, and now rather than try to undo the damage or
15:12feed the hungry or house the homeless, you are giving millions to 300-year-old institutions
15:16rodled with systemic racism, anti-Semitism, and sexism in order to ensure that yet another
15:23generation of privileged rich kids will continue to hoard the lion's share of what's left of
15:27the planet's remaining resources while the unwashed masses go to war over the scraps.
15:33So I appreciate you taking the time, but let's be honest.
15:38We both know I'm going to be accepted.
15:41Because you all engineered the system to do just that.
15:50I didn't engineer anything.
15:52Sorry.
15:54Figure your speech.
15:59Also, tennis.
16:01What?
16:02I'm being recruited for tennis.
16:07I probably should have led with that.
16:25Now this is what I'm talking about.
16:39How much?
16:40Twenty million.
16:42But I'm sure there's some wiggle room.
16:43I'll take it.
16:45Okay.
16:46So you're offering full asking?
16:48Yeah, in cash.
16:49But I want to close by Monday.
16:50Monday?
16:51Yeah.
16:51Well, we're going to need at least a week for contracts.
16:53And then you're going to want to do a thorough inspection.
16:55I'm going to have a whole team up here tomorrow to kick the tires.
16:57In the meantime, you can get the paperwork to my lawyer.
16:59Hey, congratulations.
17:01You just sold your first house.
17:04What is it you do again?
17:07We elect a U.S. Senator for how many years?
17:11Six.
17:12Okay.
17:14Name five of the original 13 states.
17:17Colonies.
17:18New York, New Jersey, Connecticut, Massachusetts, Rhode Island, Delaware, New Hampshire, Maryland, Virginia, Pennsylvania, Georgia.
17:33That's 11.
17:35What am I forgetting?
17:37How do you know all this?
17:38I watch a lot of Jeopardy.
17:47Uh, guess what?
17:50What?
17:52A drawer full of Cartier love bracelets.
17:56Ugh.
17:57I'm telling you, every woman in this town wears like 10 of them.
18:01I don't get it.
18:01They wouldn't be caught dead wearing the same dress.
18:03But they all need to have this one thing.
18:05It's like a requirement or something.
18:07You want me to grab you a couple?
18:08You'll never miss them.
18:10That's not a club I need to join.
18:12Okay?
18:12Just find the pen.
18:13It's in the office behind the primary pen room.
18:17North and South Carolina.
18:19What?
18:19The other two colonies.
18:21Oh, okay.
18:22Now you're just showing off.
18:31It's not in the desk.
18:37Oh.
18:39Bingo.
18:40A drawer full of pens.
18:43You sure he would keep something valuable in a mess like this?
18:47Natalia says he gets a crazy expensive pen every time he signs a deal and then just throws
18:52it in the drawer.
18:53It's like some sort of ritual.
18:54Oh, wait.
18:57I found it.
18:59The Etoile de Montblanc joaillier fountain pen.
19:02With just 15 produced worldwide, this limited edition is crafted entirely out of 18-karat
19:08rose gold, adorned with cognac diamonds and a nib that supposedly glides more smoothly than
19:15Remova wheels.
19:16It's not just a pen, but an aspirational work of art.
19:21Reselling for $165,000.
19:24I'm not sure what's worse, that someone pays that for a pen or that he tosses it into a cluttered
19:29drawer with 30 others.
19:30Either way, a guy like that deserves to lose it.
19:33Shit.
19:33What?
19:34I dropped the fucking thing.
19:36Let me get it.
19:37I got it.
19:41Coop?
19:42What happened?
19:44Coop?
19:45What is it?
19:47My back went out.
19:49I really fucking hurt.
19:52I can't move.
19:53What do you mean you can't move?
19:54Just get out here.
19:57I'm lying on my back.
19:59You can't be serious, Coop.
20:00Do I sound like I'm fucking joking?
20:03Shit.
20:03Okay.
20:04I'm coming in.
20:05No.
20:07My back had been seizing up ever since Christian's art thugs worked me over last year.
20:11Usually, a cocktail of painkillers and muscle relaxants would do the trick, and a few days
20:15later I'd be golden.
20:16But I didn't have a few days.
20:17I had less than two hours before the people who lived there would be back, and when it
20:21came to thinking up an explanation for how I came to be lying on their floor, I was drawing
20:25a blank.
20:25Okay.
20:26Shit.
20:27We gotta move.
20:27Okay.
20:28Okay.
20:28Just help me up here.
20:30Okay.
20:32Oh, fuck.
20:33No.
20:33Sorry.
20:33Oh, no.
20:34Okay.
20:34Okay.
20:37Oh, God.
20:39You're like dead fucking weight.
20:41Can't move you.
20:42Can you crawl?
20:43No.
20:43I can't even roll over.
20:44This is crazy.
20:45Just give me a few minutes.
20:46We don't have a few minutes.
20:47Well, then go.
20:48I'll figure something out.
20:49I'm not gonna bail on you.
20:50Well, I can't move.
20:51We're gonna have to call someone.
20:52No.
20:53No.
20:54You can't move.
20:55No.
20:56Fuck.
20:57Aw.
20:57Hope.
20:58Fuck.
21:02We have to call someone.
21:04No shit.
21:07Who?
21:10Okay, what the fuck?
21:11I'll explain later.
21:12Can you just please help me up?
21:14You'll explain what you're doing on the floor of some random house with Nick's housekeeper?
21:18Elena.
21:19I know your name.
21:21Question.
21:22Whose house is this?
21:23The Hemmings.
21:24And you know them how?
21:25We don't.
21:28We don't.
21:29We don't.
21:30We?
21:30Really?
21:31We?
21:31Can we hurry this up, please?
21:32We need to move.
21:33Just so I'm clear.
21:34And I'm sorry if I've misread the situation here.
21:37We are currently trespassing.
21:39Correct.
21:40And why would we be doing that?
21:41Okay.
21:42They're gonna be home any minute.
21:43So can we finish up this Q&A later?
21:45Q&A?
21:46Huh.
21:47That's funny.
21:49She's funny.
21:49Who knew?
21:50Barney!
21:51Please!
21:54Okay.
21:56Grab his left.
21:57I'll grab his right.
21:57On three.
21:59One.
21:59Two.
22:00Three!
22:04When does your sister get home?
22:05She's gonna be playing for another couple hours at least.
22:08Okay.
22:09Do you have pills for this?
22:10Yeah.
22:10Upstairs in the medicine cabinet there's Flexeril and Percocet, please.
22:13Both of them.
22:14Yup.
22:20So, instead of taking back your job at Bailey Russell,
22:24a job that would pay you seven or eight figures annually before bonus,
22:27you're, um, robbing houses with Nick's housekeeper.
22:31A layman?
22:31I know her name.
22:36I take it you two are, uh...
22:38What?
22:38No.
22:39What?
22:40Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
22:40Because that, that would be the crazy part in this whole fucked up scenario.
22:44I know it's a lot to absorb.
22:46I'm not absorbing anything.
22:48You know why?
22:49Because it doesn't make any fucking sense.
22:50I mean, if this were some kind of sex kink thing, then fine.
22:54I mean, not fine, but at least I'd be able to wrap my brain around it.
22:57But if not that, then, then what?
22:59What is this?
23:00Is this some sort of elaborate three-stage midlife crisis?
23:03You know, divorce wasn't enough.
23:05Losing your job wasn't enough.
23:06Getting arrested for murder was...
23:09Oh, my God.
23:13Who, did you kill Paul Leavitt?
23:15No.
23:15What are you talking about?
23:17I don't know what I'm talking about!
23:19My best friend just told me he's some sort of suburban cat burglar.
23:23I mean, how do you even move the stuff?
23:24Do you have a fence?
23:25No.
23:26You know, no.
23:27Don't tell me.
23:28I don't want to know.
23:34Wait a minute.
23:39Coop.
23:42What?
23:43Those guys who beat you up.
23:46Who ran me over.
23:49That was connected to this?
23:52I could have been fucking killed.
23:55I thought we'd move past this.
23:56I thought you weren't a motherfucking thief!
24:00Oh, my God.
24:01Oh, my God.
24:06All right.
24:07Mm-hmm.
24:12What?
24:13Oh, nothing.
24:14I just...
24:15I just can't wait to hear this meet-cute story.
24:18Do you have a problem with me?
24:19Of course I have a problem with you.
24:21I have a problem with all of this!
24:22Don't yell at me!
24:23I'm not yelling at you!
24:25I'm yelling near you!
24:26You're filling the whole room!
24:28You're filling the whole room!
24:29Enough!
24:30God damn it!
24:33I gotta get the fuck out of here.
24:35Barney?
24:36Barney!
24:37What?
24:39Thank you for coming to get me.
24:41Fuck you, Coop.
24:43Fuck you very much.
24:48Pop!
24:50It actually went a lot better than I thought it was going to.
24:53I know.
24:54You can't.
24:55Okay, you're like...
24:55Yeah.
24:56Thanks.
24:58Can I just give us a second?
24:59Mm-hmm.
24:59Thanks.
25:03I feel 30 things down.
25:05Right now, we do seem to be closing the place down.
25:13What?
25:14I really can't remember the last time I enjoyed myself just talking to someone like this.
25:18I have been exceptionally witty tonight.
25:21Oh, really? Is that what it is?
25:22Oh, yeah, yeah.
25:23I brought my best material.
25:25So, it's all downhill from here?
25:26Oh, yeah.
25:27Pretty much.
25:30God.
25:32When...
25:34When you get divorced, I feel like you're so focused on the act of dissolving the marriage, you don't think
25:40about the complications that are going to come afterwards.
25:42So, when they finally do come, they kind of knock you on your ass.
25:46So, it's been complicated?
25:49You could say that.
25:51Yeah.
25:52But you're over it.
25:53I'm working on it.
25:55What about him?
25:57Are you over him?
25:58Who?
26:03I am.
26:06Absolutely.
26:08And then some.
26:09So, you're conflicted.
26:15well i mean the way i see it is if we had known in advance how complicated our divorces we're
26:22going to be emotionally financially logistically we all probably just give up and still be in our
26:32lousy marriage then where would we be not here exactly well given we are here i'm just wondering
26:46what happens next
27:12wait wait wait wait i'm sorry no it's okay it's all right you're all right i'm so sorry i just
27:23i
27:23suddenly don't feel well oh god it's okay this is uh something i did
27:31i'm not blowing you up okay i was very much with the program okay listen hey it's fine it's fine
27:38why don't i take you home
27:50i'm home
27:52so if anybody's in a state of undress or making out please take the appropriate measures now
28:04hi baby here mom where's morgan i thought you were hanging out tonight
28:11no just me hi they got into a fight no it wasn't a fight sounded like a fight
28:26who could fight with this face i think you might be slightly biased
28:31well according to morgan i'm an asshole i will cut her
28:38how was your day i was thinking about hanging it up yeah me too perfect you can live with me
28:45forever
28:47take care of me when i'm old and infirm okay but i'm not going to change your diapers
28:54fair can't have a ton of cats that'd be great
29:19nothing made you more aware of being alone than when you needed help getting your ass out
29:22of bed my back was already feeling better which is to say it hurt like hell
29:34as much as i wanted to blame it all on that beating i took last year
29:37the ugly truth was that i had a bad back and a shrinking bladder and being middle-aged sucked
30:02i had a bad back and i had a bad back and a bad back and a bad back and
30:03a bad back and a bad back and a bad back and a bad back and a bad back and
30:03a bad back and a bad back and a bad back and a bad back and a bad back and
30:04a bad back and a bad back and a bad back and a bad back and a bad back and
30:04a bad back and a bad back and a bad back and a bad back and a bad back and
30:04a bad back and a bad back and a bad back and a bad back and a bad back and
30:04a bad back and a bad back and a bad back and a bad back and a bad back and
30:04a bad back and a bad back and a bad back and a bad back and a bad back and
30:04a bad back and a bad back and a bad back and a bad back and a bad back and
30:04a bad back and a bad back and a bad back and a bad back and a bad back and
30:07a bad back and a bad back and a bad back and a bad back and a bad back and
30:11a
30:25the new place is beautiful congratulations thank you
30:36a deluxe apartment in the sky
30:42I'm sorry yeah it's the Jeffersons you remember it was a television show from
30:50when it was you know never mind grace is worried about you well there's nothing
30:58to worry about so we wouldn't be here if that were true well anyone can have a
31:03bad year your business model is flawed your risk is not properly managed you
31:09depend too much on too few clients one of them has a bad year and it hits your
31:15bottom line too hard respectfully the art of wealth management is choosing
31:21clients like stocks you know you make educated decisions based on a wide array
31:25of data points for instance Nick Brandes one of my largest clients he just signed
31:29a major broadcasting deal and what happens if he leaves you or gets hit by a
31:34truck mr. Park you rely too much on other people making their money instead of you
31:38making your money yourself I make my money by providing a valuable and exclusive
31:45service I have relationships across every financial sector you don't work hard
31:52enough for what you have says the man who inherited his business from his father
32:00and I have no sons to do the same I thought it may be great she doesn't want she wants
32:06it for you
32:11so you're uh you're offering me a job hmm you don't even like me that's true
32:27okay Ben I'll think about it
32:35how's that back group just getting there thank you I'm gonna send you to my man chemo he did physio
32:42for me after my knee surgery dude's got magic hands well I just got a Toradol shot so that's doing
32:49the majority of heavy lifting right now yeah that works too I had a bulging disc a few years ago
32:54you
32:55guys remember that oh man I went down the whole rabbit hole on that one acupuncture or stem cell
33:02therapy you name it I thought my golfing days were over when we weren't talking about finance or sports
33:09or the finance of sports we devoted a lot of time to our growing laundry list of injuries we were
33:15men
33:15of a certain age all former jocks in some capacity confronting the inevitable decline of our bodies
33:20through a combination of concierge doctors cutting-edge pharmaceuticals trainers and talking it all to
33:26death it was just another club we all belong to hey you guys get invited this party up at the
33:32uh state on
33:33Bisbee yeah yeah yeah who is this guy Owen Ash apparently you made a fortune on shipping paid asking on
33:43the
33:43house 20 million all cash here comes the neighborhood he's throwing himself a welcome to town party sounds
33:53like a douche I don't know it's like the great Gatsby or something could be fun you know how that
33:59book ended
34:00right well I heard it was uh Sam Levitt who made the sale oh yeah good for her good for
34:11her she desecrated
34:13the corpse of her husband and framed you for murder did she who can remember well she knew what she
34:19was
34:20doing when she sold Bisbee she probably split what a million dollars in commission with a listing
34:27agent gosh she tries to send Coop away for life now she's making six figures that's America for you
34:33yeah I thought your guy was trying to make it great again
34:49we are witnessing a spectacular performance by the league's air apparent dare I say LeBron and Steph
34:57who calm down Greeny please calm down come on man let's see him do what the king's been doing
35:03consistently for 20 plus years no I've never seen him do a soundboard shuffle okay then how about play
35:08defense like my guy Kali oh that's your guy now yeah that's my guy we're both Spurs legends but do
35:14you
35:14watch sports that's Nick's second week on air I'm just checking in no you're not no I'm not
35:38oh
35:58Um, something wrong?
36:01Nothing.
36:03I keep doing what you're doing.
36:05Um, there's nothing really going on.
36:09There's nothing down there.
36:15Oh, Jesus.
36:18Okay, uh, it's okay, Barney.
36:24Hey.
36:25Hey, what is it?
36:26Talk to me.
36:27Do you need me to do something different?
36:29Yes, actually.
36:31I want you to not set up meetings with your father, okay?
36:34Keep seeing his smug, condescending face.
36:36It makes it really hard to have sex with his daughter.
36:38I was just trying to help.
36:40And since you asked, let's pressure on the balls, okay?
36:44A little goes a long way down there.
36:48God damn it.
36:49I remember, I remember, don't worry, worry, how could I ever forget?
37:01It was the first time, the last time that we ever met.
37:12Oh, and I know the reason why you kept this silence up, up, up.
37:21No, you don't fool me.
37:24Cause the hurt doesn't show, but the pain still grows.
37:30It's no stranger to you and me.
37:34I'd been feeling a little bit off, but then when he tried to, you know, get in there, that's what
37:42I knew.
37:43Oh.
37:44Menopause.
37:44Yeah.
37:53Keep this in your purse.
37:56Especially if you're gonna keep hooking up with random guys in cars.
37:58I don't understand, do you just carry around with you?
38:02Um, yeah, you gotta be prepared.
38:04And on my meds, it's just, it makes it, like, drier than Death Valley down there.
38:10Um, as much as I'd like to hear more about that, I texted you because one of the music teachers
38:16from Mayfield got a touring gig and is leaving for the rest of the semester, and they need a replacement.
38:23Oh, I'm not a teacher.
38:25Yeah, you're a professional musician, which is even better.
38:28Oh, I don't know.
38:30Because on my best day, it's like, you wouldn't necessarily call me Mayfield material.
38:36And that is not a bad thing.
38:37Because, ew.
38:38You said you wanted more independence, speaking as a therapist.
38:43An unemployed therapist.
38:44By choice.
38:45Really?
38:46I'm actually writing a book.
38:47Oh.
38:48What's it about?
38:49No, don't try to do that.
38:51We're talking about you and independence, which requires confidence.
38:55And confidence comes from activation.
38:58Hmm.
38:59You've been doing so great.
39:01You're staying on your meds.
39:02You're, you're regulated.
39:04You're showing up to work.
39:06Don't you think you're ready for a new challenge?
39:09Besides, you're, you're never going to get your own place based on what they pay you here.
39:13Well, I thought I would just marry rich, you know, like everyone else does.
39:16Yeah, that's a much better idea.
39:22Just do me a favor and don't mention the perimenopause thing to Coop.
39:26It's nothing to be ashamed of.
39:28Oh, I know.
39:29I just feel like I'm getting older and he's just getting better and better looking.
39:53Hey, Barney, it's Coop again.
39:56Thought maybe I'd run into you at the club.
39:58No dice.
39:59We call.
40:00We should probably talk.
40:02Yes, that sounds great.
40:04Yeah, and I just want to make sure you're aware that I have no formal teaching experience.
40:09Hey, you have?
40:11Oh, that's nice.
40:13Yeah, I play there four nights a week.
40:17Yeah, great.
40:19Yes, I will be there.
40:21Okay, bye.
40:25What was all that about?
40:27That was about me being a music teacher.
40:30Guitar lessons?
40:32No, they're looking for an interim teacher at Mayfield till the end of the year.
40:36Mayfield?
40:37You've never taught before.
40:38That's what I said.
40:39But Mel already went to the head of school and apparently she's seen me perform at the
40:43tap, so I got an interview.
40:48Wow, that's great.
40:49You look nice.
40:50Where are you going?
40:51Got a hot date?
40:52No.
40:53Party.
40:53Oh, anyone I know?
40:55No, in fact, no one I know.
40:57Do you want to come?
40:57Can I wear this?
40:59No.
40:59Then no.
41:00Are you sure?
41:01Yes, hard pass.
41:03One of us is going to regret it.
41:04Well, probably you.
41:06No, it's probably going to be you.
41:07Well, no, it's going to be you.
41:08We'll see you, bye.
41:09Bye.
41:12It's going to be you.
41:18I'll see you there.
42:19The dressing positions have been really thoughtful.
42:21The plaster, the floor and the fixtures, it's all the original masonry.
42:25Hi.
42:26Hi.
42:26Hi, hi, hi.
42:27So has anyone seen our host for the evening, dying to mute him?
42:31He's gonna be bald and ugly.
42:33Oh, you saw him?
42:34No, but he's gonna be compensating for something.
42:36Yeah, having too much money.
42:39Mel, has Tori heard from Princeton yet?
42:41Any day now.
42:42That must be so nerve-wracking.
42:44I have no idea.
42:46What about Chelsea, Jules?
42:48Uh, Chelsea went with early decision at Duke.
42:50Oh.
42:51It's not what Brad and I would've chosen, but they have a great tennis team and it's what
42:55Chelsea won.
42:56That's good.
42:58Wait, is that him?
42:59Lovely to meet you.
43:00Enjoy yourself.
43:00Yeah.
43:03Oh, hey, how's it going, man?
43:04That's him.
43:06Yeah.
43:06You were right, Susie, he's really ugly.
43:08No.
43:09I wouldn't kick him out of bed for eating crackers.
43:12That's not what he'd be eating in my bed.
43:16That is a very small dick.
43:18Absolutely.
43:19Ladies.
43:20Welcome.
43:21Welcome, welcome, welcome.
43:22Owen Ash.
43:23My friends just call me Ash.
43:24Thank you for coming.
43:25Your house is stunning.
43:27Oh, thank you.
43:28It has to be.
43:29Compensate for my very small dick.
43:32Right?
43:34Did you hear that?
43:35Oops.
43:35I didn't.
43:36That was...
43:37Sorry.
43:39No worries.
43:48Uh-huh.
43:48Oh, okay, okay.
43:49What's your name?
43:50Cat Reznor.
43:51Cat.
43:51Very nice to meet you.
43:54Excuse me.
43:55Enjoy yourselves, please.
43:56I'm really looking forward to getting to know Ollie.
43:59Tam.
44:00You made it.
44:01This looks great.
44:02How did you do all this so fast?
44:04How did I do all this?
44:05I have a team.
44:06Of course you do.
44:07Come on, let's get you a drink.
44:08Oh, thanks, but I just want to get you a drink.
44:09I just wanted to stop by and congratulate you.
44:11I'm not staying.
44:13What?
44:14What do you mean you're not staying?
44:15Of course you're staying.
44:16You're my only friend in Westmont Village.
44:17You can't leave me here with all these people.
44:19Come on.
44:19These people will love you, but I just don't have it in me to deal with all the withering
44:24mean girl stares tonight.
44:28Oh, they don't love you.
44:29Who?
44:31I've burned some bridges.
44:32Well, take it from someone who's elevated bridge burning to an art form.
44:37There's always another way across.
44:39Come on, Wondra.
44:39No.
44:40I'm going to go.
44:41Are you sure?
44:42No.
44:47Oh, Christ.
44:52You're here.
44:53All right, thank you.
45:03I'm sorry.
45:05Oh, hi.
45:07Don't worry.
45:08I'm leaving.
45:11I wasn't worried.
45:13Imagine my relief.
45:30You haven't said anything about the meeting with my father.
45:32Man just cannot hide his disappointment.
45:37And you?
45:39And you for marrying me.
45:41Oh, no.
45:43It's just his face.
45:46Did he get into any specifics?
45:50Why are you pushing this so hard?
45:53No reason.
45:54No reason.
45:55No reason.
45:56Um, but also...
45:59In completely unrelated news, I'm pregnant.
46:05You...
46:08Um, uh, are you sure that...
46:12And it's mine, right?
46:15I...
46:16So...
46:19Does it, uh...
46:21Does it feel like a boy?
46:27Oh, get the fuck away from this bitch.
46:29I can't.
46:29I can't.
46:41I can't.
46:42No, no, no, no.
46:43I can't.
46:44Hello.
46:46Hi, guys.
46:47I think that was...
46:48Can I borrow her for a second?
46:49No.
46:50Sorry.
46:50Uh-oh.
46:51Yeah.
46:52Just...
46:52Quick.
46:53Quick.
46:54Uh...
46:55Question.
46:57Um...
46:57Why didn't you tell me about this teaching thing at Mayfield?
47:01Nice.
47:02You're not a musician.
47:04Ally is not good with that kind of schedule.
47:05How do we know?
47:07She's been doing great, hasn't she?
47:09Yes, and I would like her to keep doing great.
47:12She's not a child, Coop.
47:14She's a 40-year-old woman who'd like to do something with her life.
47:17She's gonna screw this up.
47:18Maybe.
47:19And maybe you have to let her.
47:22You should come to me first.
47:25Stop trying to parent her.
47:27Just...
47:27Be her brother.
47:29Thank you for that completely unsolicited piece of advice.
47:33Jesus.
47:35Okay.
47:36Wow.
47:36Oh, she seemed delightful.
47:38To everyone else but me.
47:41Owen Ash, I presume.
47:42Oh, Ash, please.
47:43Wow.
47:44Uh, nice to meet you.
47:45Andrew Cooper.
47:46Coop.
47:46Coop?
47:48Your reputation precedes you.
47:50Wow.
47:51Well, I suppose that's my cross to bear.
47:52Cross to bear?
47:53No.
47:54Hey, take it from me.
47:54It's those experiences, the ones that challenge you and threaten you and humiliate you,
47:59that ultimately make your life worth living.
48:01Otherwise, we don't medicate ourselves into bored oblivion until there's no reason to get our catatonic acids out of bed
48:06anymore.
48:07Hey, you were arrested for murder.
48:09I mean, how many people can claim that?
48:10Most murderers.
48:12Right.
48:13So, is there a Mrs. Ash I should be saying thank you to?
48:16Uh, no.
48:18Ah.
48:19Divorced.
48:20Widowed.
48:21Jesus.
48:22I'm so sorry.
48:23God.
48:24It's been eight years and I miss her every day.
48:27I'll tell you something.
48:27That woman, she taught me how to live.
48:31Huh.
48:32Well, what is it you do for a living?
48:34I'm an import-export freight consolidation.
48:37What about you?
48:38I assume you're in some kind of finance.
48:40Yeah, I run a small family office.
48:43That's suitably vague.
48:44Kind of like import-export.
48:48Hey, you're empty.
48:49We can't have that.
48:49Can we get two whiskeys here, please?
48:51Good stuff.
48:52Thank you, thank you.
49:04I've seen that look.
49:05You have?
49:06Oh, yeah.
49:06You got one.
49:07Oh, yeah.
49:08Yeah, it's a tough one.
49:09At least it gets worse.
49:10Ah, something to look forward to.
49:16I'm gonna let you geek out for a second.
49:18Okay.
49:18I used to love watching you play.
49:20Your form.
49:21Listen, every line, every movement.
49:23Your shot was a fucking thing of beauty.
49:25Oh, thanks, man.
49:25It was.
49:26I appreciate it.
49:27And I joined your gym, by the way.
49:28You got a great thing going on there.
49:29I love the vibe.
49:30It's a great package.
49:31Are you opening more?
49:32We just closed on the financing for two new locations.
49:35Two new locations?
49:36Mm-hmm.
49:37We gotta be thinking bigger than that.
49:38Look, if you don't mind me saying,
49:40you're having a moment right now.
49:41You're a beloved athlete.
49:43You're on television.
49:43I saw the new segment off-brand.
49:45This is fucking great.
49:46You're gonna blow up.
49:47As for the gym, I mean, fuck the banks.
49:50You don't have to deal with those shitty covenants.
49:51I would invest in you.
49:53In your brand.
49:54We could be opening 40 strong-ass gyms by next year.
49:56Get you up to 250 the year after that.
49:58Shit.
50:00What, am I going too fast?
50:01A little bit, yes.
50:02Oh, okay, okay.
50:03I don't care anywhere.
50:04I get excited.
50:04You're gonna have to stop.
50:05I'm here for it, though.
50:06I like it.
50:06Listen, listen, listen, listen.
50:07I know how to do this.
50:09I have the resources.
50:10If you want to go national, just give me a call.
50:12I'd love to get involved.
50:13Hey, man, I'm always open to a new business opportunity.
50:16Oh, I know it.
50:16Go check out my bathrooms.
50:18I got 15 toilets in this place, and they're all your luxury seats.
50:22Every one of them.
50:23Hey, man, after my own heart.
50:25And that's great timing, actually, because nature's calling.
50:28Oh, oh, oh.
50:29Two more strong-ass gyms?
50:30Two more.
50:30Many more.
50:31More than two.
50:31Come on.
50:32Come on.
50:33Go big.
50:33I'm going big.
50:36We haven't officially met.
50:37Hey.
50:38Barney Choi.
50:39I manage Nick's money, as well as a handful of other high-net-worth people out here.
50:43Happy to help with anything you might need.
50:46Hey, great.
50:47Well, it's one-stop shopping around here.
50:48I love it.
50:49Barney, is it?
50:50Yeah, well, give me a little time to get my bearings, and you and I should have dinner.
50:53I've been looking for some new opportunities.
50:55I'm your man.
50:55Hey.
51:14Hey.
51:16All right.
51:17You and I.
51:18You don't really have time for me.
51:21Hey.
51:25Hey.
51:27Hey.
51:28Hey.
51:29Hey.
51:29Hey.
53:00Maybe it's time we call there tonight.
53:02Gordy, you get me another drink.
53:04Oh, I'm not getting involved.
53:06Fine.
53:07I will get it myself.
53:08Diane, come on.
53:09Okay.
53:10Let's get you home.
53:10No.
53:11No!
53:12Diane!
53:31There comes a moment in every soiree, when it falls upon the host, you decide if the night has ended.
53:40Or if it's just beginning.
53:44Poe!
53:45Oh!
53:46Oh!
53:48Oh!
53:48Oh!
53:50Oh!
53:51Oh!
53:51Everybody in!
53:52Yeah!
53:54Oh!
53:55Oh!
53:57Oh!
54:08What is going on?
54:11I thought we were fighting.
54:14We're not fighting.
54:19But if we were fighting, you would lose.
54:23No, no.
54:24No, no, no.
54:29No, no, no.
54:55No, no, no.
54:59You've been avoiding me.
55:03It was a lot to process.
55:05Yeah.
55:11Why didn't you take your job at Bailey Pack?
55:17The truth is, I don't really know.
55:22I accepted the offer, and I'm pretty sure I meant it when I said it.
55:28But something happened to me when I walked out of that building.
55:31I just thought that if I took that offer, then everything would go right back to the way it was.
55:37And I would go right back to the way I was.
55:41And you didn't like the way it was?
55:43I thought I did.
55:46Turns out I didn't.
55:50Well, this all sounds very existential.
55:56I don't know if it's profound or, uh, you're just swallowing your own bullshit, but either way.
56:03I want it.
56:06What?
56:07Why?
56:09Because fuck my father-in-law.
56:13Uh, okay.
56:18Grace is pregnant.
56:23Wow.
56:24Yeah.
56:27Congratulations.
56:36Barney getting involved was a terrible idea.
56:39But that night, as we sat in our drenched clothing, happily wasted on a stranger's top-shelf booze,
56:44watching our friends and neighbors party like they were living in an F. Scott Fitzgerald fever dream,
56:48for the first time in a while, the future seemed, well, promising.
56:53And maybe it was the painkillers mixing with the booze, or maybe it was sheer stupidity.
56:58But in that moment, I was just drunk enough to believe it.
57:03I'm one child.
57:05You might get what you're after.
57:08Cool babies.
57:10Strange but not a stranger.
57:13I'm an ordinary guy.
57:17Burning down the house.
57:21Hold tight.
57:24Wait till the party's over.
57:27Hold tight.
57:29With this nasty weather.
57:32There has got to be a way.
57:36Burning down the house.
57:40Here's a ticket back your bags.
57:42Not much up and over.
57:44Transportation is here.
57:49I don't know what to expect.
57:52Coming into the TV set.
57:55Fighting fire with fire.
57:58Fire.
57:59Fire.
57:59Fire.
57:59Fire.
58:00Fire.
58:01Fire.
58:03Fire.
58:03Fire.
58:05Fire.
58:07Fire.
58:08Fire.
58:09Fire.
58:12Fire.
58:19Fire.
58:21Fire.
58:26Fire.
58:28Fire.
58:29Fire.
58:29Fire.
58:29Fire.
58:29Fire.
58:30Fire.
58:32Fire.
58:33You
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