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00:09I've been calling and calling, and Tristan still won't respond to me.
00:12So I'm sending my child in to talk to her for me.
00:15I know. It's like all my gargoyles are gone.
00:19Ooh, ooh!
00:26She doesn't want to talk to you.
00:28That's all she said?
00:28You were in there for a half hour.
00:30She likes talking to me.
00:31Did you tell her she can call me any time, or text me, or come over?
00:35That I'll do whatever she asks to make it better?
00:37Yeah, I said you were a desperate lunatic.
00:39Did she like that?
00:40Dad!
00:40Tell me exactly what she said!
00:42She wants you to deal with this mess you made.
00:44So do I.
00:45Their anniversary is tomorrow.
00:47We can still go.
00:48Then we can both be in your family.
00:53I can't remember a nicer Christmas.
00:55I love all my presents.
00:57It's great.
00:58Reese, the amazing dinner you made.
01:01Cleaning everything by yourself.
01:02All your presents.
01:03So thoughtful and generous.
01:05You really made this the best Christmas we've ever had.
01:07Oh, so I'm the reason every other Christmas was crap?
01:10Huh?
01:11No, I'm...
01:12Miss Reese, you're the reason why every other Christmas was crap.
01:14Well, look who blames everyone but himself, as usual.
01:17Hey, you can't criticize anyone.
01:19Nice drugstore perfume, Richie Rich.
01:21Better than a donation was made in your name.
01:23How am I supposed to turn that in for cash?
01:25Well, at least we spelled your name right...
01:26Jamie!
01:27Who gets black socks at Christmas?
01:29Why did you have to ruin this?
01:31Thanks for dragging me here.
01:32Now I hate Christmas.
01:35No.
01:36Not possible.
01:37You don't understand.
01:38I'm protecting the people that I love...
01:41from the people that I love.
01:43Listen.
01:44It was unfair of me to make you my go-between.
01:46No child should be burdened with this kind of thing.
01:49We agree on one thing.
01:50What have I done?
01:52No!
01:53She's the one!
01:55Leah, never fall in love with someone that's better than you, okay?
01:58You'll just end up disappointing them and disgusting yourself!
02:01Idiot!
02:02Idiot!
02:02No!
02:05I feel like if I comfort him, he'll keep going.
02:07Idiot!
02:08Idiot!
02:09Tristan!
02:10I'm sorry!
02:13Life is unfair
02:25What a rip.
02:28Hmm.
02:31Oh.
02:33Oh.
02:35Oh.
02:38Oh.
02:39Oh.
02:41Oh.
02:42Oh.
02:44Oh.
02:44Oh.
02:44How can I be that way?
02:54Mom, Reese finally worked up the courage to come out of hiding and face your righteous anger.
02:59She's out shopping all day. I hid under her car until she drove off.
03:03What do you want?
03:05Revenge.
03:05What did I do?
03:06You found out what I did.
03:08Do you know what this is?
03:10A completely trashed room.
03:12Do you know what room?
03:13No.
03:14Because you're a goody-goody and you've never been there.
03:16It's your principal's office. You trashed it.
03:19What?
03:20As a protest over the slow pace of progress on diversity and inclusion.
03:24What'd you do? Leave a note saying, I did it.
03:26Love, Kelly.
03:27Oh, please. I went pro 20 years before you were born.
03:30It's easy.
03:31Copy your handwriting just well enough to look like it's you trying to disguise it.
03:36Scrape your social media for characteristic phrasing.
03:38There's no activism without transgression.
03:41You gave me that.
03:43See what I did to the picture of his baby?
03:45That's going to focus some feelings.
03:47What is wrong with you?
03:49You'll never know.
03:50The court sealed that report.
03:55I'm coming, mother.
03:59I'm taking a pill of a cord.
04:05I see light.
04:08I could take the squirming if I didn't have to see his hanging stuff.
04:16I need it, mama.
04:19Hello, world.
04:29My, my.
04:31What a big, strong voice.
04:36Hello there.
04:38I'm Hal.
04:44How are you feeling?
04:45Hot and dizzy and nauseous.
04:48I called my mom and she said she felt like this every day for nine months and that's why she
04:51never liked me.
04:53I've been thinking a lot about my mom's list.
04:55Ah, jeez.
04:56No, it's good.
04:57I realized I haven't been fair to her.
04:59She's got dad to deal with.
05:01Malcolm and Reese are giant assholes.
05:03She's older now.
05:04She doesn't feed on the chaos like she used to.
05:07Wow.
05:08I'm so proud of you.
05:10You've matured just in time to be a dad.
05:12Anyway, she's freaking out about the money she's spending at the party, so I was thinking we're doing okay.
05:19We could help out.
05:20Maybe our present is that we kick in a thousand dollars toward the party.
05:23I think that's nice.
05:26Wait a minute.
05:27You're just trying to move up her list.
05:28One spot.
05:29We're having a damn baby.
05:31How is that not at least top seven?
05:33Yes, we're having a damn baby.
05:34How can you still be so fixated on your mother?
05:37Because it's making me nuts.
05:39Since the day I was born, I've always been her biggest problem.
05:42The first grade fires, the summer camp riots, the freshman plea deal.
05:46She nearly went completely bald from the stress I was causing.
05:50I don't know.
05:51I got used to it.
05:53And even recognizing how futile and self-destructive it is, you're still going to embrace this insanity?
05:59Yes, you get it.
06:02Love you.
06:06Oh my God, you said that?
06:08You're so brave.
06:09Yeah, you know, I don't care what those guys think.
06:13You got to float above it.
06:15That's what I do.
06:17It's easy when you're pretty.
06:19I don't know.
06:20I think everyone has stuff they worry about.
06:24Is the cafeteria doing burgers or stir fry on Monday?
06:28Stir fry.
06:29Monday's always stir fry.
06:32I knew I'd be good at flirting.
06:35Come in.
06:38Hi, honey.
06:39I'm sorry again about this morning, but I want you to know I've done some hard introspection and I'm in
06:44a calmer place now.
06:46Okay.
06:46I mean, I'm still heartbroken, but I accept that it is over between Tristan and me.
06:51So now I'm sad.
06:52But it's a healthy kind of sad that I can work to get past by focusing on the good things
06:57in my life.
06:58Like you.
06:59I'm going to focus more on you.
07:01I'm actually fine.
07:02I know it's the last thing a kid your age wants is more time with daddy.
07:06But I had a great idea.
07:07Do you remember old school Manny's?
07:10Yes.
07:10It's still open.
07:11We haven't been there in years.
07:12I love that place.
07:13Me too.
07:13The fries were amazing.
07:15They were disgusting.
07:16No.
07:17Really?
07:18Everything about that place was disgusting.
07:19There was cockroaches in the bathroom.
07:21The video games were sticky.
07:23One time I got a Band-Aid in my sandwich.
07:25I don't remember it like that.
07:27Because you were little and it was our place.
07:29We talked about school and your dreams and...
07:32Why mom left if she loved me so much?
07:34Yeah, I never had a great answer for that one.
07:36But let's go to dinner tonight.
07:37Me and you.
07:38All right?
07:39They still have Zombie Massacre 3.
07:40We can play and tomorrow we'll compare nightmares.
07:42That sounds great.
07:43I'm really looking forward to it.
07:49You can go back to talking to that boy.
07:54Okay, wait.
07:57You look nice and comfy.
08:00I assume you're here to beg for mercy?
08:02No.
08:02Actually, I'm here to thank you.
08:05This whole thing has been a real learning experience.
08:08I learned what you're capable of.
08:10I learned that the desire for revenge can go way too far and hurt someone.
08:14I learned I'm comfortable with that.
08:16I learned your social security number is 987-654-327.
08:21I learned how to contact the IRS Anonymous tip line about unreported video income.
08:27I don't have unreported income.
08:30Then you'll be fine.
08:32The IRS isn't going to listen to a stupid teenager.
08:35I'm worried about that too.
08:36But Agent Miller said the national debt is $35 trillion and they'll listen to anybody.
08:44Okay, you've won.
08:47I've done this a long time, so I know.
08:50At this point, any revenge I try is not just going to be pointless.
08:54It's also going to blow back and hurt me.
08:57And somehow I'm still looking forward to doing it.
09:01I keep looking at this font.
09:02I can't decide.
09:03Is this celebratory, romantic, or is this just cliché?
09:06I'm running out of time.
09:08What do you think?
09:09I think I clock out in five minutes.
09:11Ten seconds later, I won't remember this interaction.
09:13Yeah, you're right.
09:13It's cliché.
09:15Hi.
09:16Abe.
09:16I have been calling Hal all day and he's not answering.
09:18Where are you guys?
09:19Lois.
09:19Yes, yes.
09:20Lovely to hear from you.
09:22All ready for your party tomorrow?
09:23No.
09:24Because I need Hal's help.
09:25Where is he?
09:26Where are you guys?
09:26I can hear the excitement in your voice.
09:29We are all looking forward to it.
09:31Abe.
09:31Yes.
09:32We're just finishing up our haircuts.
09:34It's taking much longer than we thought.
09:36Mario is being overly precise.
09:40Oop.
09:41We're heading into a tunnel.
09:46Barbershop.
09:47Tunnel.
09:51I don't understand how you look exactly like me
09:54and so much better than me.
09:56Even your socks.
09:58I'll never have socks like that.
09:59Hal, you have everything I have.
10:02I'm you.
10:05Come on.
10:07I'm enjoying this.
10:08But we are here to work.
10:10Can you tell me about Hal?
10:13Hal, from the moment I had any self-awareness,
10:18I have been gripped by a pervasive fear.
10:20Fear has been my constant companion.
10:23Not as a condition or an abstraction,
10:25but something tangible, embodied.
10:29Interesting.
10:31Please, go on.
10:33Like, when I was seven.
10:36And our whole house shook and heaved
10:39with the weight of my father's broken dreams.
10:41Fear was already there.
10:43Almost like a big brother.
10:45Your fear.
10:45Yeah, my fear.
10:47Fear taught me things I needed in life.
10:50Always say yes,
10:51because you'll probably never get another chance.
10:53And to never let go of what you've got.
10:55because anything can be taken away from you
10:58like that.
11:00That sounds like such a hard way to live, Hal.
11:04Oh, you bet.
11:05Fear made it hard sometimes.
11:07But I don't think I would have gotten anywhere in life
11:09without his vigilance.
11:11Right?
11:13Right.
11:14Anything worth doing is worth doing in a cold sweat.
11:19See?
11:20A tough lesson delivered with kindness.
11:22Thanks, man.
11:24And he reminds me of someone,
11:27Trent Reznor.
11:28Ah, yes.
11:31Let's move on.
11:32I think we're getting somewhere.
11:34I used to think that taking care of my kids
11:38was my purpose,
11:40the best, most important thing I could ever do.
11:44You know, it really swallows up
11:47every bit of your attention and concern
11:50and plans for the future.
11:56And...
12:00And...
12:01And...
12:01As every kid grew up and moved out,
12:05I had more and more bandwidth.
12:09And...
12:10I finally realized
12:15that they didn't need me anymore.
12:20So,
12:21no meaning,
12:24no purpose.
12:28I...
12:30I'm nothing.
12:37Hal,
12:38Hal,
12:38you've been so focused on your family's needs,
12:43never thought about your own.
12:45Your inner resources are depleted
12:48because you've never nourished them.
12:52I...
12:52haven't thought about it like that.
12:55Hal,
12:56the key to this
12:58is what they always tell you on airplanes.
13:02You have to put your own mask
13:06on first.
13:17Hey,
13:18Piyama and I can see how stressed you are
13:20about the party,
13:21but we both think an achievement
13:22like 40 years of marriage
13:24needs to be celebrated,
13:26so
13:26we're giving you a thousand bucks toward it.
13:30Thanks.
13:36Hi,
13:36this is Lois.
13:37Is that upgrade to the sound system
13:39still available?
13:40$1,500,
13:41right?
13:42Let's do it.
13:44No!
13:45I gave you that to help your money problems.
13:47You're not supposed to put yourself
13:48another 500 in the hole.
13:50I have to spend what I need
13:51to make this the way I want,
13:52and you need to stop obsessing about the list.
13:55It's only a number.
13:55Then move me up once!
13:57That's not how the list works!
13:58You're only doing this
13:59because you get some sort of sick thrill
14:01out of making me feel small!
14:03That's it!
14:03I am done!
14:05You need to get a grip on yourself
14:06because I am not going to indulge
14:07with this stupidity anymore!
14:10What's that?
14:11It's just more party stuff
14:12like all the other party stuff.
14:14Huh.
14:18Do not make a thing about this.
14:22Booties?
14:23Little bunny booties?
14:26Little bunny baby booties
14:28for your little bunny baby grandchild.
14:31They were on sale,
14:31and I can return them.
14:32I knew it was important to you!
14:34Go away!
14:35What's my number now, Mom?
14:36What's my number now?
14:40So, decapitation is back, back, up,
14:42high kick, forward, down?
14:43No, that pulls their hearts out
14:45and stuffs it in their throats.
14:46Mm-hmm.
14:47You know, if you want,
14:48we can go somewhere decent instead.
14:50I don't care.
14:51Anywhere I go with you
14:52is the best place in the world.
14:55Dad?
14:56Quit it.
14:57Oh, can you get my bag from the back?
14:59Sure.
15:02Yeah, yeah, yeah!
15:03Stop!
15:05What the hell are you doing?
15:06Ow!
15:06What are you doing?
15:07Stop!
15:10Stop!
15:10Ow!
15:11Ow!
15:11Ow!
15:12Why would you do this to me?
15:15Oh, damn!
15:27I can't believe how much I've learned
15:29from you already, perfect Hal.
15:32I wish I was you.
15:33You still don't get it, regular Hal.
15:36I'm the you inside you.
15:39You have to start taking care of your own needs.
15:42Create space for the best, Hal,
15:45to grow and thrive.
15:48You have to let go of the people holding you back.
15:51People?
15:52Your family, Hal,
15:54and their constant demands.
15:56I love my family.
15:58They're termites
15:59nibbling away at your happiness.
16:02Stop the nibbling, Hal.
16:04They've got to go.
16:06Go where?
16:09Oh!
16:11You want me to kill them?
16:14New ideas can be challenging,
16:16and there's no growth without pain.
16:18But it doesn't have to be you
16:21feeling that pain.
16:24Oh, my God.
16:27You're not perfect, Hal.
16:29I was just dazzled by your socks.
16:32You're evil, Hal.
16:34Whoa!
16:36You're nothing but a gorgeous monster.
16:42Are you being ridiculous, Hal?
16:47You can't beat me!
17:01You're nothing but a good girl.
17:02Oh, my God.
17:06You're nothing but a good girl.
17:14You're not so happy.
17:15I'm not so happy.
17:16I'm not so happy.
17:17You're not so happy.
17:18You're not so happy.
17:24you need to grow up pal you spent your entire life pretending i didn't exist because you knew
17:32this would happen so what do you want to do first i think we start small do the success builds
17:40on
17:41success thing and how about the look let's go with darker colors huh i love you what
17:59i love you
18:04you're terrified of me no i'm not
18:09well there's nothing scary about you i don't blame fear he was trying his best but
18:16hiding you away from me just made you seem more powerful than you are i am powerful
18:23no you're needy and insubstantial and well delicate stop this one tiny little tile of the mosaic of
18:35me oh i have hundreds of different little house inside me telling me things that's why i'm so
18:42easily confused you'll be okay you'll have lots of little friends oh there there i got you buddy
18:52here congratulations al oh you vanquished the inner demon and cast off false duality well done
19:03bodhisattva manjushri kumara buddha call me out about you know how would i know who you are
19:12i wouldn't know that it's the collective unconscious young has a it's boring don't worry about it what's
19:18important is that you are now worthy of meeting your animal partner they will be your guide your
19:23mentor and your guardian where what is that
19:33can i get a wolf or a panther no one chooses their animal partner it chooses you i mean i
19:40have
19:40a 12-foot blue lion but they're all great
19:44it's leading you somewhere but hey i'm not making you do the mantras or contemplate the five skandhas
19:51i'm not making you achieve an inconceivable state without obstruction or form we're cutting a lot
19:56of corners here so just follow the rat
20:15rat friend
20:16rat friend
20:16rat friend
20:17Oh, my God.
20:54Oh, my God.
21:18Yes!
21:22Okay, each of you, tell me again what you're doing tomorrow.
21:25Mom, come on, it's late. We're tired.
21:27We've gone over it. We know what our jobs are. Stop treating us like half-witted toddlers.
21:31This isn't about you doing your jobs. This is about managing my anxiety.
21:35i can't find your father and they sent me pillar candles instead of taper candles so now i have to
21:41shave them into the proper shape and wax is not a forgiving medium i mean look at this that's too
21:48tapered obviously i am losing it so please let's just do this and then you can go to sleep kelly
21:54blow up balloons then make sure the tables are completely set before i put out the favor bags
21:59check the rentals against your list verify there are no scratches or dents before i give those
22:03crooks one red cent francis all 50 parking spaces are clear set up a separate supply area and signage
22:09for your signature cocktails the fuzzy lois and the halgarita i'll keep working on the names thank
22:15you hello hi grandma it's leah i've got great news we're coming to your party after all dad just
22:26changed his mind out of the blue see you there please slow down i promise i won't try to jump
22:32out again it's 11 more hours to grandma and grandpa's we're not slowing down oh move a little
22:38that way you're gonna get blood on my dress that dress is a really good color for you thank you
22:42and
22:43you're gonna look amazing in your outfit like a hot 18 year old this is insanity you've committed an
22:50actual kidnapping does this mean we're back together this is an intervention you're addicted to being an
22:58idiot and we are helping you you can't spend the rest of your life lying and hiding and denying your
23:03family even exists worked perfectly until they showed up but dad stop please stop you're not
23:10protecting me from your family drama you're the one keeping it going i'm trying to be a good father
23:15i don't know if i should know something and you keep it a secret you aren't saving me you're stealing
23:24from me my choice my self-respect my trust in you daddy i need all of those things
23:35oh my god you're right you're you're completely right i am so sorry i should have told you
23:47all this secrecy is just so toxic
23:5412 years ago i was arrested for attempted murder
23:58whoa you what i didn't think it was important to tell you until we were serious and then with
24:04your whole political thing i just didn't know how to bring it up and it wasn't even murder i mean
24:09i
24:09totally got off you tried to murder someone my mom was dating this guy and one time he beat her
24:16up
24:17and i got him arrested but all of his buddies were cops and he got out the next morning he
24:22came straight
24:23to my apartment and kicked my door in and i shot him you know how to shoot people obviously
24:30when the cops came jenna my roommate told them what happened but all of his buddies believed him
24:35and i got arrested cops yeah it took a couple of weeks for everyone to figure out the truth and
24:40dismiss the charges and by the way it took me a lot of work to finally get my arrest record
24:44sealed
24:45okay but it did get in some newspapers and all over the internet because i was naked when i shot
24:54him
24:55in the balls you cannot lose this woman wait i remember you're titty titty bang bang
25:15drugs drugs the party is tonight honey i have great news get in the car
25:31you are not going to beat me i have the most amazing breakthrough not now carl you still there
25:39you delivered the wrong projector i specifically asked for 4k at 2700 lumens you sent 2000 lumens at
25:461080p what the hell are you talking about i figured it out no one realizes it but
25:51i'm their birthday cake everyone can take slices of happiness from me whenever they want and i never
25:58run out of slices that's who i am i'm an inexhaustible cake you're not a cake carl here it is
26:05contract
26:06page two item 1063 i want the right projector carl honey are you worried about that herd of buffalo
26:14coming up on your car keys i'm busy okay but they look kind of peevish
26:22i'm sorry you guys all right
26:28don't worry honey i'm establishing dominance
26:33honey
26:44you're not
26:47you're not
26:49you're not
26:51you
26:55you
26:58you
27:00you
27:03you
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