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Short filmTranscript
00:00I don't know.
00:57Hey, uh, Wes?
01:00Have you been playing this whole time?
01:03Well, what'd you think it was?
01:04Some kind of sentimental montage in your head?
01:06We're doing the show again, Frong.
01:08Oh, that's right.
01:09Scooter, it's time. You got it, boss.
01:15Sabrina Carpenter, 30 seconds to curtain, Miss Carpenter.
01:18Miss Carpenter?
01:20Thank you, Scooter.
01:21Oh, my God. It's you.
01:24I love your outfit.
01:25So do I. You're gonna have to change.
01:28Yes, ma'am.
01:29Is that my wig?
01:31I don't wear wigs.
01:33This is my real hair.
01:34No, yeah, same.
01:37No, I know that.
01:38No, I know you know.
01:38Great.
01:39Okay.
01:43It's the Muppet Show with our very special guest star, Sabrina Carpenter.
01:48Yay!
02:01It's time to play the music.
02:04It's time to light the lights.
02:06It's time to meet the Muppets on the Muppet Show tonight.
02:10It's time to put on makeup.
02:12It's time to dress up right.
02:14It's time to raise the curtain on the Muppet Show tonight.
02:17Why do we always come here?
02:20I guess we'll never know.
02:22It's like a kind of torture to have to watch the show.
02:32But now let's get things started.
02:34Why don't you get things started?
02:36It's time to get things started.
02:38How are you sensational?
02:39Inspirational?
02:40Celebrational?
02:41Muppetational?
02:42This is what we call a Muppet Show!
02:56Thank you!
02:57Thank you!
02:58Thank you!
03:00Hi, ho, and welcome to the Muppet Show, everybody!
03:04You know, we are so excited to be back on the very stage
03:07where it all started and then ended
03:10and then is maybe starting again
03:12depending on how tonight goes.
03:14Hmph.
03:14I can't believe they're doing the old show again.
03:17Well, if it ain't broke...
03:18No, they are broke.
03:20That's why they're doing it!
03:23Okay, now to kick us off,
03:25it's our very special guest,
03:26a sensational singer, songwriter,
03:29and global superstar,
03:30the one and only Sabrina Carpenter!
03:33Goal!
03:37Oh, quiet!
03:40Do it, do it, do it!
03:46Stop, or you'll be removed!
03:49Don't worry, Sam, I got it.
03:58You said your phone was broken,
04:00just forgot to charge it.
04:03Hold off what you're wearing,
04:04God, I hope it's ironic.
04:06Did you just say you're finished?
04:09Didn't know we started.
04:10It's all just so familiar, baby,
04:12what do you call it?
04:16Sticker!
04:17Or is it?
04:20Slow!
04:21Well, maybe it's...
04:23Yes!
04:25But there's a cue to work for it.
04:27I know!
04:29Mitchell!
04:33Why you always come running to me?
04:37It's my life!
04:39Why?
04:41Why?
04:42Wasn't it?
04:43Why?
04:44Why?
04:46My methyls
04:50Why?
04:56Are you?
04:58I mean,
05:02All my boys weigh in hard to get
05:04And I like a man all incompetent
05:09And I swear they choose me
05:11I'm not choosing them, amen
05:14Hey, man
05:16And I
05:23Won't give it any minute, it's it won't be
05:30And I like a man all incompetent
05:39Amen
05:40Amen
05:58Wow, what an exciting opening, Uncle Kermit
06:01Great job, chickens
06:02I'm sorry about the fan
06:06Scooter, come here
06:07Why is it so crowded back here?
06:10Well, these are all the acts in the show, boss
06:12Are you sure I approved all of that?
06:15And more
06:19Yeah, remember how excited everyone was
06:21To be at our first show back?
06:23When you kept telling them that their acts sounded fun
06:26Scooter, everybody knows that that sounds fun
06:29Is just a polite way of saying no
06:31Yeah, that feels pretty indirect, boss
06:33You know, this could be a problem
06:34Okay, well, an ex-person who talks to me
06:37Is definitely getting cut
06:38Oh, Kermie
06:43Excuse me, moi
06:44Talent walking
06:45Oh, where are you telling me?
06:47Me, me, I'm the
06:49Oh, Kermie
06:52Isn't it wonderful being back in the theater again?
06:55Giving the people what they truly want?
06:58What?
07:00Good luck
07:02Scooter, uh, uh, yeah, uh, Piggy, uh, you know, uh, the show is, uh, it's running kinda long
07:09And, uh, you know, it looks like you're doing two acts
07:12Exactly
07:12Now, about the musical number
07:14When I emerge from the giant seashell dressed as Aphrodite
07:18Let's make sure our 300 dancing Spartans know to exit the Trojan horse precisely on my high B float!
07:28Right
07:28Uh, you're just thinking out loud here
07:30But, uh, you think maybe all that historical accuracy might upstage you?
07:37No
07:40Kermit, Kermit
07:41I couldn't help but overhear because I was spying on you guys
07:43If you need, I can help you trim some of the show
07:46Oh, oh, really? Uh, thanks, what were you thinking?
07:48How about a little off the top?
07:51Eh
07:52I don't know if prop comedy is gonna help us right now, Fozzie
07:55Eh, guess I'll have to put on my thinking cap, then
08:00Eh, like it, huh?
08:02Eh, sure, if it can help you think of how to cut some acts from the show
08:06Oh, you got it, pal
08:07Got an idea already?
08:09Oh
08:10Hey, Seth Rogen!
08:12Oh, hey, Fozzie, this is incredible
08:15It's always been a dream of mine to be here
08:16Ooh, got any other dreams?
08:20What does that mean?
08:22You're cut
08:24I'm the executive producer
08:26Then you can let yourself know we're going in a different direction
08:32Our next act is the world's most fearless daredevil slash performance artist
08:37Who's been shocking audiences and insurance companies for years
08:42Let's hear it for the Great Gonzo
08:47Thank you
08:48Thank you so much
08:50Behold, it is I, the Great Gonzo
08:53And tonight, I will attempt this deadly obstacle course
08:56On self-driving roller skates
08:59All the while reciting every Academy Award winner
09:02In the category of
09:03Best Supporting Actress
09:09Woo-hoo!
09:10Ignite the rings
09:13Release the blades
09:17And it starts right now
09:21Goldie Hawn, the Pin and the Youngo
09:23Tally Winters
09:27Oh, that was painful
09:29For him or for us?
09:31Both!
09:32Both!
09:35And now, Pigs in Wigs
09:49Duchess Pigotton of County Bale upon Sandwich
09:56Lord Scrappleton and
09:59This is plus one
10:02What?
10:03Darling
10:07What a dazzling soiree, mon cherie
10:10Oh, hello, how are you?
10:12Lovely to see you
10:13She has some nerve showing her face around here
10:17What a chic ensemble
10:19Love whatever that is
10:21Apparently the dress code was optional tonight
10:25Darling, you're so devilish
10:30Say, could you be a dear and fetch us a
10:32Beverage-er?
10:34Pretty please
10:35Of course, my crumpet
10:37Now I'll be right back
10:48Oh, lover
10:49The coast is clear
10:51Psst, Piggy
10:53I forgot to tell you
10:54We had to recast your lover
10:56What?
10:57With who?
10:59Hola
11:01You've got to be kidding me
11:03I'm just as confused as you are, okay?
11:06Alright, let's just get on with it
11:10Oh, lover
11:11How I've missed your chiseled chin
11:13Your luscious, thick head of
11:16Raven hair
11:17And your
11:18Big, strong arms
11:20Are you talking to me?
11:22Yep
11:22There you are, my darling
11:25And who are you, kind sir?
11:28I don't know
11:29I was back there schmoozing
11:31When someone put me in this weird jacket
11:33And threw me on the stage
11:35Oh, no
11:36I've been caught
11:37And now my public lover
11:39And my secret lover
11:41Whomst I am tornt betweenst
11:43Must do to the death
11:45Because they are so madly in love with moi
11:48Uh, yes, uh, about that
11:50I should tell you
11:51I've met someone
11:53What?
11:54When?
11:55Just now
11:56By the carving station
11:57I know it's only been a few seconds
12:00But it's true love
12:01What is happening here?
12:04Good for you, Moga
12:05It's love
12:06Good for you, my friend
12:07Oh, thank you
12:08Well, I'm so happy
12:11Forget it
12:12I'm getting out of here
12:13While I still have my dignity
12:25Your projectiles, sir
12:27Not too late
12:28Sketch is over
12:29Actually, why don't you leave him?
12:31There's a lot more of this show left
12:33Unfortunately
12:36Okay, feathers glued
12:38Don't hug anyone
12:39Till it is dry
12:40Next
12:40Okay, everybody
12:42All of your names
12:43Are on this run of show
12:45In a highly specific order
12:48And as long as I have this list
12:50In my hands
12:52The show will go off
12:53Without a hit
12:54Olympia Dukakis
12:56Monique
13:00Feels like you kind of tempted fate
13:01With that one
13:05Okay, thank you very much
13:07Now for our next musical number
13:09Let's take it to the streets
13:11The rat-infested streets
13:23I've been trying to call
13:25I've been on my own for long enough
13:28Maybe you can show me how to love
13:31Maybe
13:34I'm going through withdrawals
13:37You don't even have to do too much
13:39You can turn me on with just a touch
13:43Baby
13:44I look around and
13:46Sin city's cold and empty
13:49No one's around to judge me
13:51I can't see clearly
13:53When you're gone
13:55I said
13:57Ooh
13:59I'm blinded by the lights
14:02No, I can't sleep
14:04Until I feel your touch
14:06I said
14:08Ooh
14:10I'm drowning in the night
14:13Oh
14:14When I'm like this
14:15You're the one I trust
14:18Hey
14:18Hey
14:19Hey
14:20Hey
14:24I said
14:25Ooh
14:27I'm blinded by the lights
14:30Now I can't sleep
14:32Until I feel your touch
14:35Hey
14:35Hey
14:36Hey
14:45Get the bird
14:47Get the bird
14:47Get the bird
14:48I'm gonna be here
14:54Sorry
14:54Unvocal rest
14:56Can't talk
14:57Unvocal rest
14:58Scooter
14:58What is going on here?
15:00Am I on next or what?
15:02Oh, uh, Kermit had to cut your number, Miss Piggy.
15:05Didn't he tell you?
15:06What? Does it look like he told me?
15:09You think I'm wearing these gladiator sandals for my frickin' health?
15:13Uh, probably not.
15:15Ah! Kermit!
15:18Whoa!
15:20Yep. Good to be back.
15:24So sorry about the mishap earlier.
15:26We're still working out a few kinks.
15:28Oh, that's all right. I love a kink.
15:30Oh, oh.
15:32Well, uh, I just wanted to say we're really honored to have you here with us tonight.
15:37Are you kidding me? Being here is a dream come true.
15:39I mean, I could have been anywhere else in the world tonight.
15:42I turned down a Pulitzer Prize and getting my face on the new quarter.
15:46And a second date with...
15:49Really?
15:51He's single?
15:51No.
15:53But this is the only place I want to be right now.
15:56And nothing could...
15:57Open the door, frog!
16:00She knows, boss!
16:01I think someone's at the door.
16:03Uh, who's that?
16:06No, no, no. That's just an old theater, you know.
16:10These pipes can be pretty noisy.
16:14Where is he?
16:16Wow, the door wasn't even locked.
16:18I know you're here, frog!
16:21Miss Piggy, I'm sure you get this all the time. I actually meant to tell you earlier, but you're my
16:26idol.
16:26Aww!
16:27Yeah, I basically, like, modeled my whole look and style after you.
16:31Oh, trust me. My attorneys and I have taken notice and we will be in touch.
16:36Oh, and I'll make sure my attorneys respond to your attorneys.
16:40Ooh, ooh, ooh.
16:42Did you hear that?
16:43Oh, Kermit said the theater is really old and the pipes are a little noisy.
16:47Oh, really? What else did Kermit say? Did he mention he got my big number from the show?
16:53What? No, that's crazy. There's no Muppet show without a Miss Piggy number.
16:57Exactly! If only he were around to hear that door.
17:02I am so sorry. You don't deserve to lose one second of screen time. You are an icon.
17:07Oh, stop it. You're too sweet. Go on.
17:11Oh, I mean, I grew up watching you. My parents grew up watching you. Their parents grew up watching...
17:16Okay, meet and greet over!
17:18If Kermit ever shows his face, you let him know. I am going to sing in this show!
17:27Oh, no! That's right! Are you okay? Sorry. I forgot you were down there.
17:32Hey, I'm fine, Sabrina. You know, it happens a lot more than you'd think.
17:36All right, Scooter! You know the drill. Let's get another door in here.
17:40Already on it, boss!
17:43You know, I've actually met Kermit a few times. He's actually really lovely.
17:48I mean, I've met a ton of celebrities. A lot of jerks.
17:53But not Kermit.
17:54I mean, yes, but not that big.
18:00Oh, I'm Maya, by the way.
18:03Mmm.
18:05Mmm.
18:07Mmm.
18:09Mmm.
18:11Mmm.
18:11Mmm.
18:16Welcome to Muppet Labs, where the future is being made today.
18:20I'm Dr. Bunsen Honeydew, and this is my fearless assistant beaker.
18:28Hmm.
18:29Today, we tackle a modern epidemic. Distraction.
18:33These days, everything is competing for your eyeballs.
18:37Mobile devices, televisions, and the day-to-day terrors that consume our brains when we aren't looking at the first
18:43two.
18:44Well, now you can focus effortlessly, thanks to my latest invention, Focus Pocus.
18:51One drop of this serum per eye, and your attention span will multiply exponentially.
18:58Come back, come back.
18:59Come back, come back.
19:00Sit on the stool.
19:02That's it.
19:02Good.
19:02Now I'm gonna just lower the stool gently.
19:06Okay, here we go.
19:08A little tea drop.
19:09This won't hurt me at all.
19:11There we go.
19:12There.
19:13There.
19:13There.
19:15Oh, dear, that might have been just a teensy bit too strong.
19:22Hmm, maybe I neglected to dilute it properly.
19:29Now, let's see, where did I write that down?
19:33Oh, this is interesting.
19:37This one's marked urgent.
19:39Hmm, I'm sure that's fine.
19:51I feel alive, you know?
19:54I mean, as a performer.
20:10Oh, wow.
20:12Like, are you okay, Kermit?
20:14Uh, yeah.
20:16Because you seem a little wound up.
20:18Like, your chakras are, like, totally out of whack.
20:21You're right.
20:22I guess I am a little stressed.
20:25Thanks for checking in.
20:26Oh, for sure.
20:27Because, you know, like, I can read auras, and yours is, like, bad.
20:33It is?
20:34Oh, totally.
20:35And we're breathing in.
20:38Oh, is that what we're doing?
20:44Janice?
20:45Can I breathe out yet?
20:47Oh.
20:50Janice?
20:51Oh.
20:52Actually, that did make me feel a bit better.
20:55Almost like things are going to be okay.
20:58This is a Muppet News Flash.
21:00Emmy Award-winning comedy icon Maya Rudolph is dead.
21:07I saw the light.
21:09And there was a river of souls.
21:11And a wall of flames.
21:14And I was doing award show patter for a man in red.
21:18That sounds like heaven.
21:20Right?
21:22Correction.
21:22Emmy Award-winning comedy icon Maya Rudolph is alive.
21:26A thing fell on her and made her be alive again.
21:29Stay tuned for more hard-hitting news.
21:32Whoopi Goldberg.
21:33Get you into Houston.
21:34Of course he's winning.
21:36Show's not half bad.
21:38Yeah.
21:38It's all bad.
21:40Oh.
21:41He he he he.
21:42Oh.
21:46Oh.
21:49Oh.
21:53Baby, when I met you, there was peace unknown.
21:58I set out to get you with a fine-tooth comb.
22:02I was soft inside.
22:05There was something going on.
22:12You do something to me that I can't explain.
22:17Hold me closer and I feel no pain.
22:22Every beat of my heart.
22:25We got something going on.
22:31Our lungs in the stream.
22:34That is what we are.
22:36No one in between.
22:39How can we be wrong?
22:41Sail away with me.
22:43To another world.
22:46And we fly.
22:48You're not cutting me from the show.
22:50Uh-huh.
22:51From one sailor to another world.
22:54Uh-huh.
22:57I can't believe without you if this boat was gone.
23:02Everything is nothing if you've got no way.
23:06All right.
23:06We'll just run the night.
23:09Slowly lose inside of the real thing.
23:13All right, we'll be.
23:15Whoa.
23:23But that won't happen to us and we've got no doubt.
23:28Now you're in this boat and I am freaking out.
23:32And the message is clear
23:35This could be the year
23:38For the real thing
23:42Islands in the stream
23:44But it's what we are
23:46No one in between
23:49How can we be one
23:51Sail away with me
23:54To the other world
23:57And we rely on each other
24:02From one deal to another
24:04I just have to say
24:19Singing a duet with you
24:21Has always been a dream of mine
24:22And now I've done it
24:23And I'm still so young
24:26Yes, just like me
24:27I'm young
24:28Very
24:29Look at us
24:30Two young ingenues
24:32At the top of their game
24:40Well, does this mean
24:42We're good then?
24:43You're not going to try
24:44To sue me for stealing your look?
24:46It's called copyright infringement, sweetie
24:48And of course not
24:51That's really for the lawyers
24:53To decide
24:55I'm trying to do the best I can
24:58Back up
24:59Back up
24:59Just a little bit
25:00I'm trying to be fair
25:01I'm trying to be fair there
25:03Look at everybody, stop!
25:07There is only time
25:08For one more act
25:10One more?
25:12But which one, boss?
25:14How are you going to choose?
25:26Look, do you trust me?
25:28Well, of course we do, Kermit
25:31I mean, maybe not this guy
25:35I've been burned before
25:38Okay, uh
25:40Give me a minute, okay?
25:42Excuse me
25:49Hey there, folks
25:53How are you all doing so far?
25:55Ooh
25:55Um
25:57I can't say that the show
25:59Has gone exactly the way we planned
26:01Jamie Lee Curtis
26:02Regina King
26:06The point is
26:08Maybe we're a little rusty
26:09But, uh
26:11But we promised
26:12To do a great show for you
26:13And, uh
26:14I hope that you
26:16At least enjoyed some of it
26:23Well, now we're at the end
26:25And you're all
26:26Probably wondering
26:27What the final number is
26:29In fact, I was supposed
26:30To come out here
26:31And announce
26:32One of the acts
26:33Waiting backstage
26:35But, um
26:37I'm sorry
26:40I'm not gonna do that
26:44See?
26:45I can't trust anyone
26:51Tonight
26:52We're gonna have ourselves
26:56A real good time
26:59I feel alive
27:07And the world
27:09I'll turn it inside out
27:13I'm floating around
27:16In ecstasy
27:18So
27:19Don't stop me now
27:23Don't stop me
27:25Cause we're having a good time
27:27Having a good time
27:29I'm shooting star
27:30Leaping through the sky
27:31Like a tiger
27:32Defying the laws of gravity
27:36I'm a racing car
27:37Passing by
27:38Like Lady Godiva
27:40I'm gonna go
27:41Go, go
27:42Cause I don't wanna stop at all
27:47Don't stop me
27:48Don't stop me
27:48Ah, ah, ah
27:50Don't stop me
27:51Don't stop me
27:51Boo, boo, boo
27:53Don't stop me
27:54Don't stop me
27:54Wah, wah, wah
27:56Don't stop me
27:57Don't stop me
27:57Have a good time
27:58Good time
28:03Don't stop me
28:07Don't stop me
28:08Cause I'm having a good time
28:10Don't stop me
28:11Cause I'm having a good time
28:13I don't wanna stop at all
28:17Oh
28:20Oh
28:21Oh
28:25That was great
28:26We did it
28:29I'm being honest
28:30I'm a little insulted
28:30They were gonna cut me
28:31But they kept this armadillo
28:33And the tutu in there
28:35Never even seen that guy
28:37That guy's not canon
28:40Well, that's about all the time we have
28:42But before we go
28:43Let's give a great big thank you
28:45To our incredible guest star
28:47Sabrina Carpenter
28:48Yay
28:50Thanks to Kermit
28:51You know, you fit right in with us, Sabrina
28:53Well, it helps her with the same height
28:55Good point
28:56Diane Wiest
29:00Good night, everybody
29:02We'll see you next time
29:03On The Mugman Show
29:08Zoe Saldana
29:10We'll see you next time
29:12We'll see you next time
29:14We'll see you next time
29:17We'll see you next time
29:21We'll see you next time
29:22We'll see you next time
29:23We'll see you next time
29:24We'll see you next time
29:26We'll see you next time
29:27We'll see you next time
29:29We'll see you next time
29:29We'll see you next time
29:30We'll see you next time
29:31We'll see you next time
29:34We'll see you next time
29:44Huh. I got this sharp pain in my left arm. I wonder what that's about.
29:49Well, I'll tell you this much. It's not from clapping.
29:53No.
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