- 9 hours ago
Taskmaster S21 E01
Category
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FunTranscript
00:02Don't look away
00:16I might just do this all day
00:32Welcome! Welcome to a brand new series of Castmasters!
00:38CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
00:41Five fresh comedians have been prepared in our laughter kitchen
00:45and are about to be thrown into the buffet of fun
00:48to see if any of them have what it takes to be a main course at the Giggle Feast.
00:52I hope so. I'm Henry VIII of Chuckles,
00:55and my big belly is in need of laughs. Yum-yum!
01:00So, let's meet our new cast of competitors
01:03and marvel at their reputations and stature
01:07while they're still intact.
01:09Please welcome...
01:11CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:27And next to me, a man who admitted to me when he was tipsy
01:30that if he'd been alive in the war, he probably would have defected to Mussolini's Italy.
01:35Because he loves pasta and he doesn't believe in freedom.
01:41LAUGHTER
01:42It's...
01:42HE LAUGHS
01:47HE LAUGHS
01:48Right, you're half right. Hello! Hello!
01:52What's the first prize task of the series, please, with Alex Horne?
01:55Well, Greg, you told them your problem and they're here to help
01:59because the category is the thing most likely to deter people from your premises.
02:05LAUGHTER
02:06Yes.
02:07And this guy's got property coming out of his backside.
02:09Greg will give five points to the thing he thinks is most likely
02:12to deter people from their premises and all five deterrents will head home
02:16with the episode winner.
02:17But for now, Greg, it's back to you and your backside big time.
02:20Here we go.
02:21Thank you so much.
02:22Mm-hm.
02:22Amy, welcome to the show.
02:23Hello.
02:24What have you bought to deter people from my property?
02:26Very simple.
02:28Mrs Clatterbottom.
02:29This is Mrs Clatterbottom, Greg.
02:33LAUGHTER
02:37Full size.
02:38Yeah, she's good.
02:40She's good!
02:41Where did you get Clatterbottom?
02:42So, my friend hand-painted this mask, Mrs Clatterbottom.
02:49Ooh!
02:51And what's your plan to deter people from property?
02:53Are you going to put it in the window?
02:54Yeah.
02:55Like, Home Alone style-y.
02:57You know when a light goes on, when you go into a garden
03:00or something?
03:01Yeah.
03:01I think the light will actually go on in the living room
03:03and you'll walk down the path and then the light will come on
03:06and Clatterbottom will be there.
03:07Clatterbottom's there?
03:08Yeah.
03:08I'm never going to break into that house.
03:10Well, that's a good start.
03:11It's one of the strongest starts we've ever had.
03:13Well done.
03:14It doesn't mean it won't come last.
03:17LAUGHTER
03:18Armando, can you beat Clatterbottom?
03:20Well, look, I've gone, like, just no-nonsense.
03:22But I've just put, I'll sign up my gate, which is...
03:25Is this?
03:26This sign here.
03:27This sign here.
03:27And, yeah.
03:28LAUGHTER
03:29I've just got an extra layer of security.
03:32LAUGHTER
03:34Yeah.
03:35Which, as we all know, don't really exist.
03:37LAUGHTER
03:38So, are you presuming that people trying to break into your house
03:41are going to be like, oh, no, I'll have to pay £15 to go rob stuff from?
03:45Yeah.
03:45If someone's going to steal from me, I might as well make some money from it.
03:49LAUGHTER
03:51I mean, sometimes you're going to have to suspend disbelief on this show.
03:55LAUGHTER
03:56These have been good, Joanna.
03:58Now, someone's going to mess up.
03:59Right.
03:59What have you brought me?
04:00I have brought in a mould of my own head, which I've dressed up,
04:05and a sign inviting people to come and join me in my hot tub.
04:11LAUGHTER
04:16This is a mould...
04:17I did a film years ago, and I had to have a lobotomy in it,
04:21and so they did, like, a mould thing of my head
04:24where they put, like, this green, alginate sort of stuff on it,
04:27and so they gave me this head at the end of filming,
04:30and I was like, well, I've got nothing to do with it,
04:31so I put it in my parents' wardrobe.
04:33And then my son, who's ten, a while ago, found it.
04:36I've never had so much information in my life.
04:38LAUGHTER
04:40I own this sign, but I do think if someone has a sign...
04:44I don't have a hot tub, but I do have this sign.
04:46And if somebody, I think, asks you to go and sit in a hot tub with them
04:50to relax and sing and laugh, I wouldn't go anywhere near that house.
04:54OK, I'm going to have to develop some rules for you.
04:57LAUGHTER
05:03Normally, someone's been absolutely rubbish by now,
05:06and I've had to shout at them.
05:07Hello, Joel.
05:09LAUGHTER
05:10It is a glittery frame,
05:14and inside that glittery frame is my son's umbilical core.
05:18LAUGHTER
05:20Ooh, it's good.
05:22LAUGHTER
05:23I loved my son, but that bit of congealed blood and skin,
05:27I don't want to be framed.
05:29Whose idea was it?
05:30Because it's like a nice thing when it gets, you know...
05:32That's not a nice thing, is it?
05:33We've agreed.
05:34Absolutely.
05:35Yeah, but I didn't know that's what it looks like when it dries.
05:38Ah.
05:39Do you know what I mean?
05:39So it was, like, appealing when it was wet?
05:42LAUGHTER
05:45Imagine if that was, like, hung on my door.
05:47OK.
05:47You know, you'd be like, whoa, whoa, this...
05:50I've got to go now.
05:52LAUGHTER
05:53Thieves around Britain are going to be ready for you.
05:56LAUGHTER
05:57It's incredible.
05:59Kamal, hello.
06:00What have you brought me?
06:00I think this sign speaks for itself.
06:03Yes, Kamal has brought this in.
06:06LAUGHTER
06:09Nobody's going in there.
06:11Is this a real Department of Homeland Security sign?
06:14No, it's not a real one, Greg.
06:16I'm trying to stay away from where the real signs are.
06:20LAUGHTER
06:21It's strong.
06:23OK.
06:23Here come my points.
06:24I'm giving Joel's horrible umbilical cord one point.
06:27Not because it's not fascinating,
06:28but because it wouldn't stop me from robbing him.
06:30Now, Department of Homeland Security are going to put me off over here.
06:35Oh, it's over here.
06:36Right.
06:37They don't have jurisdiction.
06:40LAUGHTER
06:41LAUGHTER
06:43Two points to Kamal.
06:44OK.
06:45Erm, I very much found it amusing, Armando,
06:48but if I was a really committed villain,
06:50I don't think I'd get £15 out three points.
06:53Right.
06:53And then we're up to the two creepy women.
06:55LAUGHTER
06:56I'll just do it on gut instinct.
06:58I found Clatterbottom slightly more creepy than Lobotomy Girl.
07:01Four points to you.
07:02Five points to you.
07:03Well done.
07:03Well done.
07:04Congratulations.
07:07Right.
07:08What is the first task proper of the series, please, Alex?
07:11Well, it's actually something a little...
07:16HIT!
07:17Wait.
07:18Wait.
07:20Oh, fuck.
07:22LAUGHTER
07:23What's going on?
07:24Oh, God.
07:27I've got an egg.
07:28You've got a what?
07:29Has no-one else got an egg.
07:30Can we see your egg?
07:32LAUGHTER
07:35Oh, no.
07:37Yeah, I see what's happened here, Greg.
07:38There's a chance I might have forgotten to give this one to everyone.
07:42LAUGHTER
07:42Oh, no.
07:45Oh, no.
07:46I'm so sorry.
07:47Let's have a look.
07:48LAUGHTER
07:48Oh, my God!
07:51LAUGHTER
08:03Oh, closer than I expected.
08:05So, there's something in your pigeonhole, Joel.
08:11Can I?
08:11Mm-hm.
08:13Protect this egg.
08:15It's in your pigeonhole.
08:16That's my egg?
08:18You must have this egg with you, unseen, for every task and every episode in the studio.
08:26Wow.
08:28You must hand Alex your wholly intact egg within 30 seconds every time the egg timer goes off.
08:38If you mention damage or lose your egg, you are disqualified. Your time starts now.
08:46Oh, there's the egg.
08:47Oh, there's the egg.
08:47And I can't damage it.
08:49No, you've got about six months.
08:50Six months.
08:51Do you want a little practice?
08:57That was well within time.
08:58OK, you can go now.
09:00Bye-bye.
09:02APPLAUSE
09:04So sorry.
09:05Yeah.
09:05APPLAUSE
09:07This is so mad.
09:09I'm so sorry.
09:10I don't know what happened.
09:11That was...
09:11The whole time that we were backstage, I was like, oh, where is everyone else's egg?
09:17LAUGHTER
09:19No, I'm so sorry, Joel.
09:20I'm so sorry.
09:20And also, you'll notice it didn't say, if you do it, you'll get any points.
09:24So it's, um...
09:26LAUGHTER
09:28I guess it's up to you, Greg.
09:29If we get to episode 10 and he's still got the egg and he still reveals it on the horn...
09:33Oh, no, there'll be no points.
09:36LAUGHTER
09:39OK.
09:40Well, that's going to be a lot of fun for everyone.
09:43And now, as if things couldn't get any better, I've got worms.
09:48Oh.
10:02Caravan?
10:03Yeah, yeah, why not?
10:04Are you a caravan guy?
10:05No, I hate them.
10:09I like this.
10:10Yeah.
10:11I like that cat, and I'd have that in my house.
10:15And there's a lot of things I'd have here in my house.
10:17Right, well, we'll keep an eye on you, then.
10:21Why aren't you inside?
10:22Sometimes I go outside.
10:25Doesn't look like it.
10:28Find a worm.
10:29Find a worm.
10:30Find a worm.
10:31Fastest wins.
10:32Your time starts now.
10:33Let's go.
10:34OK, find a worm.
10:35Find a worm.
10:36Find a little worm.
10:38Find a worm.
10:39Find a worm.
10:40What does that mean?
10:42Ah, do you not have worms in America?
10:44LAUGHTER
10:47We have worms.
10:48Well, find one, then.
10:51APPLAUSE
10:57I think let's just crack on with it, really.
10:59OK, and we're going to initiate, invertebrate, investigate with Amy Gledhill and Joanna Page.
11:05My automatic thought is to go into the garden and dig it up, but that would be cruel and there
11:12probably isn't going to be a worm in the garden.
11:14There's going to be a worm here somewhere.
11:17Find a worm, find a worm.
11:19Find a worm.
11:20Yeah, any worm.
11:21Any worm.
11:22But then what about an earworm?
11:24Like, what's it called when there's a worm in your ear?
11:26I think you said it.
11:28An earworm.
11:29An earworm.
11:30Like an actual worm.
11:32Find a worm.
11:34Find a worm.
11:35A worm.
11:37Find a worm.
11:38Find a worm.
11:38Find a worm.
11:38Where would a worm be?
11:39Where would a worm be?
11:41Find a worm.
11:42A worm.
11:43A worm.
11:44No, you're a duck.
11:46It can't be that I'm digging for worms, can it?
11:50Find a worm.
11:51A worm.
11:55What are these?
11:56Maggots?
11:57Ah!
11:59Right.
12:00They're maggots.
12:01They're not worms, are they?
12:02Is that a worm?
12:04Might be.
12:06It's not a worm, because I know it's not a worm.
12:09Right.
12:10That's a worm.
12:12Oh, you've got a mealworm.
12:13That's a mealworm.
12:14Yeah, lovely.
12:15Lovely.
12:16We're going to dig up the garden.
12:18It's like when it's raining, that's when they come up.
12:21Yeah.
12:22There's going to be hundreds in a minute.
12:27Oh!
12:28Oh, my God!
12:29I found a worm!
12:30I found a worm!
12:32I don't want to touch it, because I don't like touching them.
12:35I found a worm.
12:37You found a worm.
12:38I found a worm.
12:40I've probably talked about it.
12:46Well, I think we know who the BBC are coming to,
12:49and Attenborough finally retires.
12:51LAUGHTER
12:52There was quite a long period of that VT
12:55that you were just both walking around saying,
12:57find a worm.
12:58And I sort of imagined if one of your family members
13:01that have been there, they'd have turned to me and gone,
13:03she does this.
13:05LAUGHTER
13:06Where do we stand on mealworms being worms or not?
13:09Well, I'll tell you now, I'm making a judgement.
13:11The mealworm's a worm.
13:12So if that was presented, it's a worm.
13:14OK.
13:15Well, Joanna, 14 minutes 30 till she charmed the worm out of the ground.
13:19Unharmed.
13:19But Amy, you won't believe it, 3 minutes 35 to find a worm.
13:23A worm.
13:24Wow.
13:24I would have said if she was saying find a worm for one hour.
13:28LAUGHTER
13:29OK.
13:30That's the end of part one,
13:31and time for our first break of the series.
13:33But first, let's see how their nerves are holding up, because...
13:37Oh, stop it.
13:38LAUGHTER
13:39Yay!
13:42APPLAUSE
13:42QUICK! QUICK! QUICK! QUICK!
13:46QUICK!
13:46Well, see you soon!
13:53Well, welcome back to Taskmaster, where it's very early in the series
14:04and we've already lowered the bar with a worm-finding task.
14:09Yes, Greg, you're absolutely right.
14:10Amy and Joanna went first and succeeded,
14:13which proves that the early birds do catch the worms.
14:15I think that's fine to say.
14:16And we're now going to give two Hollywood superstars a reality check
14:21by making them look for worms just like the rest of us have to.
14:24It's Armando Iannucci and Kumail Nanjiani.
14:28OK, where would a worm be?
14:31Early birds?
14:32Early birds get worms?
14:33You want me to find you an early bird?
14:35Would it have a worm in its mouth?
14:37Not at this time of day.
14:39LAUGHTER
14:41You're looking for a worm?
14:42That's not it.
14:44What do you mean, find a worm?
14:46It's a little wiggly, guys.
14:50Oh, my God!
14:53Have you ever looked for a worm before?
14:55I don't think I have.
14:57I get that impression.
14:58I don't... I've never been into worms.
15:00Are those worms?
15:01I don't know, really.
15:02They are.
15:04Well, up to you, really.
15:05They're called mealworms.
15:06Can you search, is a mealworm a worm?
15:10OK.
15:11No, a mealworm is not a true worm.
15:13It's the larval stage of a darkling beetle.
15:17I should not have had you search for that.
15:20Books in books were a bookworm.
15:23I love books, so I'm a bookworm.
15:25I'm a bookworm.
15:28And this is a reminder of the other sort of worm.
15:32And, you know, that's it.
15:33Would you like me to stop the clock?
15:34I think so.
15:35I mean, in my head, it stopped a long time ago.
15:42What am I doing?
15:44I sit here.
16:01Oh, my God.
16:02That's a worm.
16:03I just got a flashback to when I...
16:05When my cat had something like this.
16:07I saw one coming out of my cat's...
16:09Wormhole?
16:10Out of my cat's wormhole.
16:15CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
16:21There's this trend, Armando, on this show where...
16:25And I speak of a man of a certain vintage.
16:28Thank you very much.
16:28Where I find myself pointing out how grumpy
16:30and or disinterested.
16:33People of a certain vintage can sometimes appear on this show.
16:36You're the first to do both.
16:38Yeah.
16:39But, in the final analysis,
16:42pretty good, I thought.
16:43I'm buying bookworms straight away.
16:45Oh, fantastic. There we go.
16:45Yeah, you like that.
16:46So, of the three we've done,
16:48two of them have not found worms.
16:51LAUGHTER
16:51LAUGHTER
16:54Mealworm is not a worm and a bookworm.
16:56And mealworm is a worm.
16:58It's not a worm.
17:01I've already given the points, then.
17:03Yes, stop.
17:03No, you haven't.
17:05I will stop.
17:06I love you, Amy.
17:07And I do think, OK, you know what?
17:09You're right.
17:09Yeah, yeah, yeah.
17:12LAUGHTER
17:13She should certainly have a point.
17:14Well, just one sweet little boy left to go.
17:17It's Joel Domit.
17:19I know exactly where to look.
17:23I'm going in the kitchen right now.
17:35Did that work?
17:36Did that work, then?
17:37I've stopped the clock.
17:40APPLAUSE
17:46I wrote, your enthusiasm was infectious.
17:49You were so pleased that you'd remembered the worm.
17:52But I was a teacher for many years,
17:53and if you'd invaded my space, like you did with Alex,
17:56it would have resulted in retribution.
17:59LAUGHTER
18:00Long since not been acceptable in schools.
18:04LAUGHTER
18:07Excited boy, isn't he?
18:08Yes, but who wouldn't be?
18:09You'd be excited if you found a worm in 21.8 seconds.
18:13Come on!
18:14CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
18:16And that boy gets the full five points.
18:18Joel, 21.8 seconds.
18:21Yeah.
18:23But then it gets interesting.
18:24We have Amy in second place.
18:26Joanna, third place.
18:27Armando, the bookworm.
18:2916 minutes and one point to Kamel.
18:31It took half an hour to find...
18:33LAUGHTER
18:33..to find his worm.
18:35Well done, Kamel.
18:37APPLAUSE
18:40Right, let's see the first scoreboard of the series, please, assistant.
18:43OK, well, unfortunately that means Kamel,
18:46you're in last place with three.
18:47Amy's in the lead with nine points!
18:49CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
18:52Well done, Amy.
18:54APPLAUSE
18:56OK, I'd like another task.
18:57Anne, I'd like to see how they work together in teams.
19:01Ooh.
19:02It's a great call from a great guy with great thighs.
19:04Yes, it's the first...
19:07..team task of the series.
19:08And I, for one, am buzzing.
19:13BUZZING
19:13BUZZING
19:15BUZZING
19:16BUZZING
19:17BUZZING
19:18BUZZING
19:20BUZZING
19:20BUZZING
19:21BUZZING
19:21BUZZING
19:22Amando.
19:23Alex!
19:25Good morning.
19:26Good morning.
19:27Are these all fake?
19:28What do you mean?
19:31BUZZING
19:31That's what a pineapple sounds like.
19:33Nope.
19:34BUZZING
19:35Hello?
19:37Come in.
19:39BUZZING
19:39BUZZING
19:39Hi!
19:40Hi!
19:41Oh, my God!
19:42Hi.
19:43Hi, I'm Amy.
19:44Hi, I'm Camille.
19:45Nice to meet you.
19:46How are you doing?
19:47I'm great.
19:48Nice to meet you.
19:49Any particular favourite amongst them?
19:51A lime.
19:53A lime.
19:54A lime.
19:55There's one particular lime.
19:56Right.
19:57Oh, hello.
19:58Hello.
19:59Hiya.
20:00Nice to see you.
20:01Hi, you too.
20:02How long have you been here?
20:03Literally just walked in.
20:04Right?
20:05Yes.
20:05Well, off the street?
20:06Ah, yes.
20:07Yes.
20:07No, around the corner.
20:09There's your buzzer, Amy.
20:11So now I'll have someone to melt down with.
20:15Hey!
20:16Hey, guys.
20:17How's it going?
20:19Hi.
20:19Oh, great.
20:20Nice to see you.
20:21Hi, I'm Camille.
20:22You're so famous.
20:23Nice to meet you.
20:24You're so famous.
20:26You look very cool.
20:27Like a leather cap.
20:29Look how cool.
20:29Thanks, man.
20:31I wonder what that is.
20:32Would you like one as well, Joanna?
20:34Yes, please.
20:37Joel, like me, if you Google you, the second picture is you without a shirt.
20:43I'm frustrated it's not the first.
20:44Wow!
20:46Oh, my gosh.
20:47Yes.
20:48Come on, then.
20:48OK, then we go.
20:48Right.
20:49Go.
20:50Right.
20:52Give Greg five foods correctly.
20:55When the buzzer buzzes, give Greg one food.
20:57If you give Greg the wrong food, you must start again.
21:00If your buzzer does not buzz, you must stay in this room.
21:04First team to give Greg five correct foods wins.
21:08You have a maximum of 35 minutes and your time starts immediately.
21:11Who's Greg?
21:13Have you seen the show?
21:15Oh, Greg!
21:16Yes!
21:19SHE'S NOT THE WORLD
21:23OK, you OK?
21:29Yeah, yeah, fine.
21:32Not everyone knows.
21:33I was in the moment, and because you weren't in the room at that time,
21:37I was like, oh, my God, what's going on?
21:39What have I got to look at?
21:40Who's Greg?
21:43Hey, let's see the teams in action, can we?
21:45Yes.
21:46And we're going to begin by seeing if the team of three figured it out.
21:49It's Joel, Amy and Kumail.
21:52Here we go.
21:52SHE LAUGHS
21:55Oh, it's buzzing!
21:57Oh, it's buzzing!
21:57We have to give him a correct food.
21:59I'm going to go orange, potentially nectarine, potentially...
22:03Let's try it.
22:06All right, yes.
22:07Yes.
22:08He said, all right, yes.
22:10OK.
22:12It's me, it's me.
22:13Shall we go for another fruit?
22:14A pineapple?
22:17A lemon.
22:17Oh, yes.
22:18Yes!
22:19He liked the pineapple!
22:21He liked the pineapple.
22:21He liked the pineapple.
22:22OK.
22:23All right.
22:24Onion.
22:25Onion.
22:26Onion.
22:26Yes.
22:29Yes.
22:29Yes, I failed.
22:30Yes, I failed.
22:35Ooh.
22:36Ooh, no.
22:38Ugh.
22:39Bad news, guys.
22:41Oh, shit.
22:42OK.
22:43OK.
22:43OK.
22:44So these are the ones we know he likes.
22:46Yeah.
22:48OK.
22:49Yes.
22:49Yes.
22:52No, I wouldn't have thought so, no.
22:54Oh, God.
22:55OK.
22:55No.
22:55Doesn't like the pea.
22:57Doesn't like the pea.
22:58OK.
22:58The carrot goes there.
22:59We like it.
23:00The pea goes over here.
23:02Yes.
23:03Yes!
23:04Guys, we just need one more.
23:05That was good.
23:05He likes it.
23:06Oh, my God.
23:07We just need one more.
23:09Yes, please.
23:11Mmm.
23:12Love the cucumber.
23:13OK.
23:13Oh, so we've got it all.
23:14We just have to wait until they buzz and then we can go.
23:17OK.
23:17Oh, this is fun now.
23:20OK.
23:20Now we can just enjoy it.
23:21Wow, we really, really nailed that one.
23:25No.
23:26No?
23:27What?
23:28He said no.
23:29He said no to carrot.
23:31He said yes to carrot before.
23:32So there's an order.
23:33OK.
23:34So he liked this, then this.
23:38The mood has really changed.
23:44Yes?
23:45Yes.
23:45What do you want, Greg?
23:50Was that always there?
23:52The drink price?
23:53Because there are five things there.
23:55There's one over here as well.
23:59It says instead of time starts now, it says time starts immediately.
24:04And your time starts immediately.
24:06Why is it immediately instead of now?
24:10Is it syllables like, and your time starts immediately?
24:15Egg, meat, fruit, protein, vegetables.
24:17Oh.
24:19Each one has more letters than the last.
24:23Each one has more.
24:26Can we go up from orange?
24:29Carrot.
24:30Oh.
24:33Yes.
24:37Yes.
24:38And how much time do we have left?
24:39You've got about 40 seconds.
24:41Oh.
24:42Oh.
24:43Oh, this is great, guys.
24:44This feels real.
24:44We've got five seconds left.
24:45We've got five seconds left.
24:45We've got five seconds left.
24:46Give us a buzz.
24:47Give us a buzz.
24:49Oh.
24:50Oh.
24:52Oh.
24:52Oh.
24:53Oh.
24:54Oh.
24:54Oh.
24:55Oh.
24:55I've seen it though.
24:56Damn it's a good one.
24:58Yes, please.
24:58Yes!
24:59One more, one more, one more.
25:0015 seconds.
25:02Woo!
25:04Everybody come here.
25:05Whoever it is will run.
25:08Buzz!
25:09Make a buzz!
25:15Ooh, yeah.
25:16Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
25:20Guys, we did it.
25:21That was.
25:22It takes forever.
25:26APPLAUSE
25:29Well, it was a shaky start when I witnessed two grown adults
25:33turn into, like, take that fun.
25:36LAUGHTER
25:36So famous.
25:39LAUGHTER
25:40But every time we left, we were like...
25:43WHISTLE BLOWS
25:45LAUGHTER
25:46LAUGHTER
25:49Although, actually, we were a pretty cohesive team, I thought.
25:52They were a good team.
25:53They were working well.
25:54Mm-hm.
25:54Amy, what was all that syllable bullshit towards the end, though?
25:57LAUGHTER
25:57Do you know...
25:57What was all that?
25:58In primary school, you go,
26:00Who is Greg?
26:02Alex.
26:02Two syllables.
26:03Yeah.
26:04How does it apply to this task, sorry?
26:08The words were getting bigger.
26:11She was on the right line.
26:12So, was it Amy that worked out that the words were getting bigger?
26:15Yeah.
26:15Yeah, that there were more syllables, yeah.
26:17Ah!
26:18I apologise for calling your system bullshit.
26:20Apology!
26:21Accept it!
26:23LAUGHTER
26:23LAUGHTER
26:26APPLAUSE
26:29OK, advert time.
26:31Have a break.
26:31Have some tea.
26:32Leave your man.
26:33Come back to me.
26:40APPLAUSE
26:45Hello, then.
26:46It's the third part of the show, and it's a team task in play.
26:50Alex, what's the deal?
26:51Oh, hey, mate.
26:52Yeah, they're trying to give your strategy five correct foods.
26:57The team of three managed to work out that it's all about delivering the food
27:00in order of the number of letters in each item's name.
27:03And they delivered the goods just in time, but it's fastest wins,
27:06so how will the other team get on?
27:08Representing Scotland and Italy and Wales,
27:10it's Armando and Armando and Joanna.
27:13Right, there's a pineapple here.
27:15Is it stuff that's in here?
27:17Yeah.
27:18BUZZER
27:18It's you, it's you!
27:22BUZZER
27:22All right, yes.
27:24Yes!
27:25Why do we have such a long time?
27:27It's because we've got to discover things.
27:30Food!
27:30Egg, meat, fruit, protein, vegetables.
27:34So, what, meat?
27:35Meat!
27:36It's you again.
27:37Give him a meat.
27:38Oh, right, hang on.
27:42I'm afraid it's a no.
27:44Oh, fuck it.
27:46It's really nice to be the first of my accent.
27:49He's a lot slower than me.
27:51It sort of highlights my manicness.
27:54That was a rejection.
27:55No way!
27:56No, I know.
27:56Oh, my God, so we've got to start again.
27:58We've got to start again.
27:59Oh, you're buzzing now, Joanna.
28:00We need to do an order.
28:01Oh, you've got to go.
28:02I'm going to go and get an egg from the kitchen.
28:04Right, okay.
28:05Yeah.
28:05How are you finding being on a team with Joanna?
28:07It's, er, it's certainly walking me up.
28:11You've got an egg.
28:13Yes.
28:13Ooh!
28:15I think she's got high expectations of you, aren't I?
28:19What?
28:20Nothing.
28:21You said yes.
28:23Excellent.
28:23Maybe we should go for meat a second.
28:25Or egg, meat.
28:27I think yes on this occasion.
28:30Yes.
28:30On this occasion.
28:31Oh, my God.
28:31Need a fruit now.
28:33We've got you a pineapple.
28:35Oh, yes.
28:37Oh, yes.
28:37Brilliant.
28:39We've got to find a protein.
28:41What about that?
28:43Because that...
28:43Or will you just go, that is just basically a cow?
28:47Nice.
28:50Ooh, I've broken the egg.
28:52I've broken the egg.
28:56Bad news, I'm afraid.
28:57Oh, you are kidding me.
28:59And I've broken the egg.
28:59I've broken the egg.
29:01Right, so we're going with our trusty egg.
29:04Yes.
29:05Cool.
29:06Yes.
29:07We're trying an orange this time.
29:09Yes, please.
29:10Yeah, I'm just wondering if you're spelling out...
29:12E-B-O.
29:14E-B-O.
29:16No, no.
29:17That's spelled out Ebola.
29:21Five, breast, chicken.
29:24Do you like it?
29:25All right, then.
29:26Yes.
29:26Cool.
29:27Five foods, correct.
29:29Ugh.
29:29Should we just go for it?
29:31Let's see around.
29:31Okay.
29:32Cauliflower, Greg, but we don't know why.
29:35Ooh, yeah.
29:36Oh, my God!
29:37He said yes!
29:37He said yes!
29:38Yes.
29:40I have to stop the top.
29:41Excellent.
29:42Do you know why you've succeeded?
29:44No.
29:44No.
29:49APPLAUSE
29:50Yeah, that's good.
29:51Brilliant.
29:52Good to know.
29:53Good to know.
29:53Good to know.
29:54Good to know.
29:55It's a fascinating dynamic, this.
29:57I can't wait to see this team play out.
30:01Instinctively.
30:01We were just gelled.
30:02Yeah, we didn't need to know what they knew.
30:04No, we didn't.
30:05We just fell out there.
30:05Well, because you thought we were trying to get you to spell out Ebola.
30:10E-B-O-L-A.
30:14That does make more sense, though.
30:15Yeah, yeah, yeah.
30:16Yeah, yeah, yeah.
30:18Shall I tell you some timings, Greg?
30:20Yes, please.
30:20Well, we know the team of three found it just in the nick of time.
30:23Nearly 35 minutes.
30:24The team of two, 21 minutes.
30:26Oh!
30:28And they get a five points.
30:29That's just what we said.
30:31So how many points should the team of three get?
30:33They did succeed.
30:34They did succeed.
30:34Three points.
30:35Five and three.
30:36Five and three points for the team of three.
30:38Yeah, I think they're quite sharp and bad.
30:41Right.
30:41Another task, please.
30:42And can it be big fun on a big scale?
30:47Yes and yes, because you deserve it, Greg.
30:50Also, just so you know, I'm in great shape.
31:06MUSIC PLAYS
31:09That's all about to see that.
31:14Where is he?
31:23Why are you laughing?
31:24You look incredible.
31:26Well, it's a hot day.
31:27Hi, Joel.
31:29Hello, Alex.
31:31You've been working out.
31:33I need to go to the gym.
31:34You look really good.
31:36Do you mind?
31:37Yeah, go on, yeah.
31:38It's so warm.
31:39I might join you.
31:40This is really exciting.
31:43Put the most t-shirts on Alex.
31:46Alex would only wear t-shirts launched from the t-shirt launcher.
31:51And onto a target according to the t-shirt launcher rules.
31:57There.
31:58If a t-shirt lands in a blue circle, Alex must wear that t-shirt.
32:03White circle, Alex must wear every t-shirt that has been fired.
32:07So the white circle is the best one.
32:09If a t-shirt lands on the central target, that t-shirt must be dunked in the bucket, then put
32:14on Alex, then that is the end of the task.
32:17Oh, God.
32:18If a t-shirt lands in a red circle, Alex must take off every t-shirt that he's wearing.
32:23You must always launch upwards, and each t-shirt can only be launched once.
32:28If you catch the golden t-shirt, your t-shirt total will be doubled.
32:34You have 20 minutes until you run out of t-shirts.
32:37Your time starts on the whistle.
32:39Have you used a t-shirt launcher before?
32:41No, I've never used a t-shirt launcher before, Alex.
32:45What do you think my life is?
32:46I've used one before.
32:47I worked at the basketball.
32:49Uh-huh.
32:49The basketball?
32:50For the Lakers.
32:52Who's your favourite player on the Lakers?
32:54Cube.
32:54Cube.
32:55Cube is good.
32:57Fuck, he's good.
33:00APPLAUSE
33:05Right, well, Greg, Camille is up for it, with Armando and Joel.
33:09But before we begin, I do have to give one of these health and safety warnings about the video that's
33:13coming up.
33:14Just look at the size of his arms.
33:15They're massive!
33:16OK, here we go.
33:18OK.
33:22Just a test.
33:25Whoa!
33:28Oh!
33:30Whoa!
33:32Whoa!
33:34Whoa!
33:37Whoa!
33:38Oh!
33:39Very satisfying.
33:40I might just do this all day.
33:42I'm trying something else.
33:44OK.
33:44New strategy.
33:48It's never happened to me before.
33:50LAUGHTER
33:51It's not usually a problem I have.
33:57That has happened to you before.
33:58Yeah, it just happened to me.
34:00Now twice in a row.
34:05Oh, no!
34:06Take it off.
34:07Well, I'm not wearing a T-shirt, luckily.
34:10OK.
34:10This is so fun, man.
34:13Oh!
34:14That one unflapped!
34:15Oh.
34:16Oh.
34:17Oh.
34:17Oh!
34:18Oh!
34:18Oh!
34:19Oh!
34:19Oh!
34:20Oh!
34:23A lovely launch.
34:28Yes!
34:29That's on the white!
34:30It's touching the white.
34:32I don't think it is.
34:34Stay there!
34:35OK.
34:38Is that on the white?
34:40That's not on the white either.
34:42It's golden t-shirt.
34:44Golden t-shirt time.
34:45Ah, right.
34:46OK.
34:46I've been trying to catch this, haven't I?
34:47Yeah, being careful.
34:49Being careful, yeah.
34:50Yeah.
34:50This is nerve-wracking.
34:53Best of luck.
34:54Don't need it, mate.
34:55Are you good at catching?
34:56Yeah, I've been catching t-shirts my whole life.
35:05Oh, OK.
35:07Bit of extra juice.
35:14Come on!
35:15Come on!
35:17Come on!
35:19I can't even remember what it does.
35:28What does it do?
35:31Oh!
35:33It smells so bad.
35:36Good job.
35:37Pleasure.
35:38Thanks for having me.
35:41Yeah, I've never dressed someone in a wet t-shirt before.
35:4515 t-shirts left.
35:50Oh, interesting.
35:56No.
35:56No, no, no, no, no.
35:58Oh, it's so wet.
36:00Arms up.
36:01And two.
36:02Oh, it's quite cold.
36:03Next one?
36:03Yep.
36:05Doesn't say I have to be behind the line.
36:07There is no line.
36:13Right, I've got two minutes to go on as many t-shirts as possible.
36:16You have two minutes?
36:17No, you should all put them on.
36:19Here.
36:22One and a half minutes.
36:24OK, hurry up.
36:24Here, here, here, here!
36:26Is this your first step putting on t-shirts?
36:27Come on, man.
36:28No.
36:29Why are you so bad at it?
36:31That's the end of the talk.
36:32Your time's up.
36:35To think you built this for two t-shirts.
36:38It's all coming down now.
36:40APPLAUSE
36:43Well, goodness me, have we ever had a contrast between men?
36:48LAUGHTER
36:49Like we have here.
36:51The opening reaction to the t-shirt launch was like,
36:54WHOA!
36:56WHOA!
36:56And then we cut over here and it's like, oh, very satisfying.
37:00LAUGHTER
37:01Kamal, you were a real action hero for about 30 seconds.
37:05I went, this man's going to be deadly accurate.
37:08And then it was just a total collapse.
37:11Yeah, the t-shirt dribbled out of there a couple of times.
37:14Once you stop trusting yourself, there's nowhere to go.
37:18He's right.
37:19LAUGHTER
37:21Right.
37:22Advert time.
37:23In the final part of the show,
37:24someone will feel the high of victory
37:26and then, a couple of hours later,
37:28find themselves sitting at home
37:29between Mrs Clatterbottom and a randy mannequin,
37:32and then, and only then,
37:33will the haunting introspection begin.
37:37LAUGHTER
37:40APPLAUSE
37:46Hello!
37:47Welcome back to the final part of the show.
37:50The current task started off promisingly
37:52in an incredible location with a t-shirt cannon,
37:55but then, on applauded Alex in a cheap nylon muscle t-shirt
37:59and any hint of cool instantly vanished.
38:02LAUGHTER
38:05It wasn't a t-shirt,
38:06and this iPad does actually play the videos,
38:09and you are definitely still six foot eight.
38:11There are only two people left to go.
38:13It is Amy and Joanna.
38:16This is fun.
38:17OK.
38:19WHOOOOO!
38:21OH!
38:22OH!
38:23OH!
38:24OH MY GOOD GOD!
38:28WOW!
38:28WOW!
38:32WOW!
38:33WOW!
38:33WOW!
38:34WOW!
38:37Right.
38:39Well, that goes far, doesn't it?
38:41Can I take some of these t-shirts down there?
38:43Yeah, I can bring the thing down for you if you want.
38:45Oh, my God.
38:46Come on, let's go down.
38:47OK.
38:48I'm strong, remember.
38:48OK.
38:59What am I doing with the gold one now?
39:01You're trying to catch it.
39:02If you catch it, your total at the end will be doubled.
39:05Are you good at catching?
39:07Yep.
39:08OK.
39:19Oh, my God.
39:21That was incredible.
39:22I have to say, I've let myself down earlier on, but I think I brought it back with that.
39:29Oh!
39:31Oh!
39:33All I've got to do is get something on the white, and then you've got to put the loads on.
39:37Mm-hmm.
39:38Right, I'm not going to think about it.
39:41Yes!
39:42Yes!
39:43Shall I start putting them on?
39:44Yeah, start getting them on.
39:46I think I'm just going to help you put on t-shirts.
39:48They're the what?
39:52Oh, you're like a big baby.
39:54I've never had a man in front of me put his clothes on this fast before ever.
40:02Yes!
40:03You've done that in the bucket, put it on me, and that's the end of the task.
40:06Oh, yes!
40:10There we go.
40:12It's like putting the condom on a sausage.
40:15Oh, my gosh.
40:16This is brilliant.
40:17That's amazing.
40:18You've run out?
40:19Yeah.
40:20Tosk over.
40:21Brilliant.
40:21High five.
40:22Thank you!
40:31Well, I guess the obvious first question is, have you put her condom on a sausage?
40:36Have you?
40:38Maybe once.
40:42They both managed to get a lot of t-shirts on me. They were running out at the time.
40:45You dunked one at the end because you wanted to put a wet one on me.
40:48Excuse me?
40:49Time was running out.
40:50So, both women got 24 t-shirts.
40:53Woo!
40:54Wow!
40:55Thank you, four.
40:56Wow!
40:57Wow!
40:59Well, Joanna has to be doubled the number of shirts you put on me.
41:02What does that do to the score?
41:03Well, it means Armando gets one point for his one t-shirt.
41:05Joel got six, so he gets two points.
41:07Kamel, 12, three points.
41:10Amy, twice as many, 24, four points.
41:12Joanna, twice as many, again, 48 t-shirts and five points to play!
41:16Ah!
41:17Well done.
41:21Do you see a scoreboard, then?
41:22Sure, yes, and it does mean the women are on top.
41:24Joanna's at the top of the leaderboard with 17, then Amy on 16 points.
41:30CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
41:31All right, everyone, will you please make your way to the stage
41:35for the first, final task of the show?
41:37CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
41:46Hello, my handsome prince.
41:48I'm a little worm.
41:49Hello, Greg.
41:50Hello.
41:50Who will be reading the task for us?
41:52I think Joanna Page.
41:53Ah, Joanna Page.
41:55You ready?
41:57Find four oranges.
41:59If you find an apple, you miss your next go.
42:03If you find a lemon, the order reverses.
42:07If you find a duck, you must greet the duck by name.
42:12If you find an orange, you can look under another can.
42:16Fastest to find four oranges in one turn wins.
42:21Who's starting, Alex?
42:22Amy's going to start.
42:23I've also got to say only one person gets points here.
42:26Only the orange finder gets five points.
42:28LAUGHTER
42:30Ready?
42:31Amy!
42:32Find the orange!
42:33Find the orange.
42:34CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
42:35Apple.
42:36That means...
42:37I miss my next go.
42:37You miss your next go.
42:38Amanda, you're up.
42:41Apple, you miss your next go.
42:44Lemon.
42:45That means the order reverses.
42:46You miss a go, you miss a go, so it's Camel's turn.
42:48LAUGHTER
42:54Hello, Dave.
42:56LAUGHTER
42:59Hello, Dr. Cooper.
43:02LAUGHTER
43:03Yes.
43:06Hello, Dave.
43:09LAUGHTER
43:09Hello, Dr. Cooper.
43:12Come on.
43:16LAUGHTER
43:19Oh!
43:20Fuck you, Debbie.
43:21LAUGHTER
43:22Yes!
43:25Yes!
43:26Yes!
43:29Yes!
43:30Yes!
43:32Yes!
43:34Yes!
43:34Yes!
43:35Oh!
43:37Oh!
43:43Oh!
43:44Oh
43:48Debbie where are the fucking
44:16Oh
44:17Twiddles the moustache
44:45Right that
45:08Yes, oh my god, I feel very confident
45:15Come on Joanna
45:19Yes
45:21I've always thought you'd be the one Joanna
45:23I always thought Joanna
45:25Yes
45:26Right
45:27Feels good, doesn't it?
45:28Yes
45:29Feels right
45:32Joanna this could be the greatest moment in Taskmaster history
45:37Oh my god
45:38Come on
45:39Come on
45:40Come on
45:54Come on
45:57Come down here and we'll head back to the final score
46:00CHEERING
46:02CHEERING
46:05CHEERING
46:06CHEERING
46:07CHEERING
46:09CHEERING
46:10CHEERING
46:10CHEERING
46:10CHEERING
46:10CHEERING
46:11Wow
46:12Wow
46:13Wow
46:13Wow
46:13Wow
46:14Well only one person was able to snuffle out the four oranges
46:17And that was of course Joanna Page who gets the full five points
46:20CHEERING
46:21CHEERING
46:23Yeah
46:24Snuffle
46:25Joanna
46:27Truly snuffle for whales there Joanna
46:29She did
46:30Which means the final league table we have Armando and Joel joint third on 11 points
46:36Ah
46:36And I say that because Joanna's got twice as many points
46:38She's won the episode with 22 boys
46:40CHEERING
46:42Joanna Page wins
46:44Please pop up and train your property to keep the folk off your property
46:48CHEERING
46:50CHEERING
46:52So what have we learnt today?
46:55Well we've learnt that Taskmaster is the great leveller
46:58If you take part there is no hierarchy, there is no ego
47:01It's just five humans being together
47:06But also, oh my god, he's so famous
47:15We have begun
47:17We'll see you soon for episode two
47:18But for now, here is your winner for the night
47:21Joanna Page
47:22CHEERING
47:32CHEERING
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