- 11 hours ago
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Short filmTranscript
00:08Leaving so soon, cadet?
00:10Sir, by statute 614 of the Alabama legal code,
00:13I am officially emancipated and considered an adult.
00:16An adult who no longer chooses to attend Marlin Academy.
00:19I have copies of the documents here if you want to see them again.
00:22Oh, no need.
00:24I'm sure that everything was done on the up and up.
00:26Well, let me tell you something, cadet.
00:31In all my years at this academy,
00:34I have never had a student who was more bullheaded,
00:39more committed to avoid learning at all costs.
00:42A cadet whose constant byword was insubordination.
00:48Thank you, cadet.
00:51What?
00:54Before you came to this academy,
00:56I was bored, uninspired,
00:58and this close to retiring.
01:00But your insolence and stupidity
01:03have been the irritating grain of sand
01:05around which has formed the pearl of my renaissance.
01:10I like me again.
01:13Cadet!
01:16As a thanks,
01:17I want you to have
01:19this.
01:24Normally, these are reserved for cadets
01:26who have distinguished themselves
01:27or whose parents have donated a building,
01:30but you've left your mark here in your own way.
01:33So what the heck?
01:36Wow, sir.
01:37This is great.
01:39Farewell, cadet.
01:40Thank you so much.
01:42Careful, that's razors.
01:56Yes, no, maybe.
01:59I don't know.
02:02Can you repeat the question?
02:05You're not the boss of me now.
02:07You're not the boss of me now.
02:09You're not the boss of me now,
02:11and you're not so big.
02:14You're not the boss of me now.
02:16You're not the boss of me now.
02:19You're not the boss of me now,
02:21and you're not so big.
02:25Life is unfair.
02:30Normally, I dread the first day of school.
02:32My mom's been on such a rampage about Francis,
02:34it's actually a relief to get out of the house.
02:36Thank God!
02:39Summer's over.
02:40Tell me.
02:41Hello, babies.
02:42How's baby school, babies?
02:44Didn't high school start like a half hour ago?
02:46Hey, if I'm on time today,
02:48they're going to expect it every day.
02:50Ow, ow, ow!
02:52Hi, Reese.
02:53This is Gus.
02:55He's in the lead to replace you as school bully.
02:58He gives a wedgie that'll knock your socks off.
03:00I'm not just saying that because he's got me in a headlock.
03:03If you grab your wrist instead of your fingers,
03:05you'll get better leverage.
03:07You listen to him.
03:08He's the man.
03:13I've completed the research on our new teacher,
03:15if anyone's interested.
03:19Lionel Herkaby, born July 8, 1963.
03:23Parents, John and Ida.
03:25Notice anything?
03:26He was a crow boy.
03:28We won't have to talk down to him.
03:30Finally, someone who knows our pain.
03:33Bentley, gifted high, Princeton, Harvard business.
03:37What's this guy doing teaching?
03:38Well, there was some unpleasantness.
03:40He quit a government think tank to start a dot-com.
03:46One time net worth $200 million.
03:48Now $137.
03:53Here he comes!
03:54Here he comes!
03:57Get out of my way!
04:23Who's Dabney?
04:24That's me, sir!
04:26I took the liberty of ordering you a decaf soy latte.
04:29Let me guess.
04:31Emotionally needy, closet bedwetter.
04:34You get no affection at home, so you'll be seeking it from me.
04:38Look elsewhere, son.
04:41Who's the anal retentive outsider?
04:45With repressed matricidal tendencies?
04:48Nooms for me, sir!
04:49Please, stop.
04:52As you may or may not know, I was once one of you, a crow boy, and I'm sure I
04:56would have
04:57made the same lame attempt to ingratiate myself to the new soft-headed thick-wit teaching
05:01my class.
05:03Oh, yes.
05:04I have been there.
05:05I have been coddled and preened.
05:07Oh, you're a genius.
05:09You can do anything you set your mind to.
05:11It must be so easy being you.
05:14Well, bullsh**t!
05:16All that gets you is an ex-wife and $14 million in debt.
05:20Now, I refuse to let you fall into the trap society has set for you.
05:24Playtime is over, children.
05:26You've had a free ride so far.
05:28It's about time somebody motivated you, challenged you, tested your mental limits.
05:32Granted, I don't have a teaching certificate from a two-year community college like most
05:37of the people I was forced to say hello to this morning in the teacher's lounge.
05:41But, you know, I'm just going to try to muddle through with my double doctorate from Harvard.
05:46This is a test.
05:48Correct.
05:48You have 20 minutes.
05:49There are six essay questions.
05:51I'm sorry.
05:52I thought this was the gifted class.
05:54Begin.
06:09Well, thanks for the ride.
06:10Are you sure about this Alaska thing?
06:12Oh, absolutely.
06:13I don't know.
06:14I heard Alaska is supposed to be a hole.
06:16Are you kidding?
06:17Cruise ships go up there.
06:19Only for about six weeks in the summer.
06:21Isn't it dark there the rest of the year?
06:23I don't have to justify myself to you.
06:25I don't have to justify myself to anyone.
06:27That's why I got emancipated, okay?
06:29Okay.
06:31Good luck with your parents.
06:33Yeah, well, they had a week to think about it.
06:35We'll see how they take it.
06:54This wasn't meant to hurt you.
06:56Come on, we've done.
07:13All I'm saying is that you can get your diploma first and then do what you want.
07:18It's all about maximizing your options.
07:20Taking the long view.
07:23Sorry about using the closer.
07:25Nonsense.
07:26I wouldn't have taught it to you if I didn't want you to use it.
07:28Listen, what do I always say?
07:30The nerds are fair game.
07:31The nerds are fair game.
07:34Look, sometimes you're presented with an opportunity that you just can't pass up.
07:37I hope you'll understand.
07:39I'm not the one you have to worry about.
07:40I know, and I want to get this straight with Mom.
07:43That's why I came here.
07:45Okay, then.
07:46Honey?
07:49Uh, your son has something to say to you.
07:54Huh.
07:55I didn't know the Hendersons painted their house.
08:09Well, I have your test results.
08:11You all got A's.
08:14But since this is the gifted class, I also factored in cogency of argument, economy of language, and penmanship, which
08:23enabled me to do this.
08:26What is that?
08:27A ranking board.
08:29But I thought you said we all got A's.
08:30Oh, you did.
08:31But some of you got better A's than others.
08:34But we all still have A's?
08:36Of course.
08:37So, uh, what does being number one get you?
08:40Nothing.
08:42Just the knowledge that you are number one.
08:45Or that you are not number one.
08:50Yes, number five.
08:52It's Dabney, sir.
08:53I know.
08:53What is it, number five?
08:55I forgot.
08:59What?
09:00A jerk.
09:02Is that what we're going to turn out like?
09:03If I ever start acting like that, you have to promise to kill me.
09:08No.
09:08No more death pacts.
09:10Don't worry about it.
09:11The only way that stupid board can have an effect on us is if we let it.
09:15Those numbers mean nothing.
09:18What are you doing?
09:21Nothing.
09:22You were studying?
09:25No, I wasn't.
09:26My book just fell open to this page.
09:29You know, I'm really not hungry.
09:32I think I left my recess stuff in my locker.
09:38Oh, my God.
09:40High school is awesome.
09:41They have an entire room just for detention.
09:43They put you in with juniors and seniors.
09:45Some of them have records.
09:47It's really inspiring.
09:50What are you looking at?
09:51Francis.
09:52He's still out there?
09:54Yeah.
09:54He's eating out of the bird feeder.
09:56Whose shoes are these?
09:58Who left their shoes in the living room?
10:00Those are mine.
10:01I'm sorry.
10:01You're right, you're sorry.
10:03Leaving your shoes around like you don't even care about them.
10:06I hope you like walking to school in your socks.
10:09I said I'm sorry.
10:10Well, I've heard sorry before.
10:12I don't think so.
10:14Okay.
10:16Tell you what we're going to do.
10:17From now on, when you are to wear shoes, you check them out.
10:21Sign them in.
10:22Sign them out.
10:23Just like a library.
10:27Clean up those toys.
10:43Oh, thanks.
10:45It's freezing out there.
10:46Hey, it's good to see you guys.
10:48I really missed you.
10:50What's that for?
10:52Emancipation?
10:53What, you're divorcing the family now?
10:55How could you do this to Mom?
10:56She left me no choice.
10:59Ow.
11:00We've done a lot of bad things to Mom.
11:02But we would never abandon her.
11:04I'm not abandoning her.
11:05I'm just going to Alaska.
11:07That's 5,000 miles away.
11:09It is not.
11:105,000 miles?
11:11Are you serious?
11:12Oh, my God.
11:13It's going to take me forever to get up there.
11:15Then don't go.
11:16Guys, you have to understand.
11:18I'm not doing this to hurt anybody.
11:19I just...
11:20I really think this is my best chance to make something of myself.
11:24Tell it to Mom.
11:25I can't.
11:26She won't talk to me.
11:27She is being so immature.
11:29In the meantime, I'm stuck outside in the freezing cold.
11:33Hey, would it be all right if I slept in here at night?
11:41Certainly the whale represents the search for God.
11:44But that could be limiting.
11:46We could say it was the search for the self.
11:49Melville could be considered a pre-existentialist.
11:55But you can't deny that the whale could also be the search for truth,
11:58which has been a theme throughout his whole oeuvre.
12:06But we can't overlook the fact that it is an actual whale,
12:10which was the biggest industry in the 19th century.
12:12The oil was used in lamps, soaps, and even cosmetics.
12:18Today, whaling is outlawed.
12:21But many Aleutian islanders are legally allowed to harvest whales
12:27for ritual purposes.
12:30But I digress!
12:34Wow.
12:36Nine places.
12:37That's gotta be a record.
12:41Okay, on to new business.
12:43This Friday, Principal Little Dove
12:45will be dropping by for a little evaluation.
12:47I think he'll be very impressed with what he sees.
12:50I don't think he'll understand it,
12:52but I think his tiny brain
12:54will have the dim perception of the progress you can make
12:57when students are properly motivated.
13:01Now, who would like to sink their teeth
13:03into some Bernoulli equations?
13:11Come on, guys.
13:12Look at yourselves.
13:13If we don't let those stupid rankings get to us,
13:15they mean nothing.
13:16Easy for you to say, number one.
13:18I have a name.
13:19We all have names.
13:21Oh, my God.
13:22I can't remember mine.
13:24This is ridiculous.
13:25School used to be the one place
13:27where you were truly happy.
13:28And Hercovy has taken that away from you.
13:30That stupid board is ruining our lives.
13:33We can't let him do that.
13:34What choice do we have?
13:37We have the choice that people have had for centuries.
13:40We can choose to fail.
13:42Like the French?
13:43You mean we tank today's test?
13:47No.
13:48We don't tank it.
13:50We nuke it.
13:52Every answer wrong.
13:54No complete sentences.
13:56No punctuation.
13:57And we use number three pencils.
14:01You can't rank zeros.
14:03That's brilliant.
14:04You'll have no choice but to draw out a stupid system.
14:06We'll be free.
14:08Yeah!
14:15I'm very disappointed in you.
14:18Everyone else, nice job.
14:34I'm sorry.
14:37I'm sorry.
14:39I tried.
14:40My hand wouldn't let me.
14:43I regret nothing.
14:47Interesting gambit.
14:49But I guess the lemmings didn't follow you off the cliff.
14:51When you spend some time in the real world,
14:53you realize you can't fight the system.
14:55And now, I'm the system.
15:16Don't worry, I just let the air out.
15:18We can talk while I put on your spare.
15:21Look, I'm sorry I had to resort to this,
15:23but you have to give me five minutes so we can talk.
15:28Talk over the music.
15:30You can't drive on a flat.
15:32Don't stand your wings.
15:35Don't run your wings.
15:40That was a red light.
15:43You might want to notice my entire opening paragraph is a palindrome.
15:49You might want to notice my formatting.
15:58What's this?
15:59A study of irrigation techniques of pre-Roman society
16:01and how they led to the advancement of Western civilization.
16:03I thought we were just studying Mesopotamian farming techniques.
16:07We were.
16:07I just used it as a jumping-off point.
16:10I saw how their influences spread through the Egyptians, the Carthaginians,
16:13basically through the whole ancient world.
16:15I think you'd be very happy with this paper.
16:18Very nice.
16:19Number 12.
16:21It's nice to see a little effort put forth
16:24while some are content to do the absolute minimum.
16:31So, he wants to play.
16:35Oh, we'll play all right.
16:37What is it we're playing?
16:45What is it we're playing?
17:07What is it we're playing?
17:10What is it we're playing?
17:31What is it we're playing?
17:33What is it we're playing?
17:35What is it we're playing?
17:35What is it we're playing?
17:36What is it we're playing?
17:37What is it we're playing?
17:37What is it we're playing?
17:37What is it we're playing?
17:43Okay, I think we're ready to show Principal Little Dove
17:46what the right kind of motivation can accomplish.
17:49Well done, class.
17:57You know, maybe we should just put our heads down
17:59and take a rest for a moment, shall we?
18:07Yes, one to the 11th.
18:09Did you know I can count to a million by prime numbers?
18:11I can too!
18:12So can I! It's easy!
18:15That's not necessary.
18:16Two, three, five, seven, eleven, thirteen, seventeen, nineteen, twenty-three, twenty-nine, thirty-one!
18:24Now by hundred!
18:25One-oh-one, two-eleven, three-seven, four-one-one, five-oh-three, six-oh-one!
18:31One, eight, seven, seven, one, and all!
18:35Okay, that is enough.
18:36What's with the 11th?
18:37Five thousand!
18:38One thousand nine!
18:39Two thousand three!
18:40Snap back five hundred!
18:41Two thousand eleven!
18:42Two thousand two hundred three!
18:43Two eleven!
18:44No!
18:45Where are you going, number three?
18:47It's hot!
18:48It's hot and I'm stupid!
18:51I'm stupid, too!
18:55Everybody please remain seated!
18:57I'm zero!
18:59Zero!
19:00Zero!
19:01Zero!
19:03Zero!
19:15I'm lucky!
19:17I'm invisible!
19:21Boy, that's quite a show for your first week here.
19:24You were right.
19:25You can't beat the system.
19:27But you sure can break it.
19:34I love you guys.
19:36I'll write you when I get there, okay?
19:38Someday, when you come back, when you're unemployed and have no place to live, you can come stay at my
19:46castle.
19:49Thanks, bud.
19:51He's leaving.
19:53He just wants to talk to you.
19:55Just hear him out.
19:57Lois, this has got to stop.
20:00He's going very far away and you're not going to see him for a very long time.
20:07Honey, there are moments in life that you just don't get back, and I know you.
20:13If you do not deal with this now, it will haunt you forever.
20:21Fine.
20:23I've lost a son, but gained a baby.
20:30That's right.
20:32I know.
20:40Are you sure this is what you want?
20:43Well, it better be.
20:47Francis?
20:49Francis?
21:00I'm listening.
21:04This is what you get.
21:06This is what you get for the way you treated me.
21:08I'm going to Alaska, and you're going to be left without a son.
21:11And the horrible way you treated me is now a matter of public record.
21:14I treated you?
21:16We made sacrifice after sacrifice for you, and you've caused us nothing but pain.
21:20You want pain?
21:20I got your scars, baby.
21:22Three and a half years in that horrible school.
21:24We went without for that skull!
21:26Oh!
21:27Oh, maybe I should thank you.
21:28Thank you, mother, for making my life a living hell!
21:31Living hell?
21:32You've been nothing but a problem since the day you were born!
21:35Oh, you're probably over, lady, because I'm out of here!
22:16Oh, you're probably over, lady, because I'm out of here!
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