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00:28You
00:41You
01:08You
01:30You
02:06You
02:39You
02:40You
02:45You
02:46You
02:58You
03:09I can't even taste my own tears
03:16Before I do and even shout a fastball inside
03:46You don't know what it means to me that you've all welcomed me into your family
03:51And I just want to say thank you
03:55And, um, nothing
03:58I just, I hope you can forgive me
04:04I don't really play with toys like this anymore
04:07I want a video camera
04:09A nice one
04:10Oh, well, I don't
04:12It was just more of a gesture
04:16Write an intercard instead
04:19This is actually a good idea
04:22This crate's stuck in the junk drawer
04:31Thanks
04:32Thanks
04:32Oh, well, I don't
04:33It was just a good idea
04:38I know
04:40I can't go
04:41I can't go
04:41The time to smile
04:43All I know
04:46Shit
04:47What would you say
04:51I'd say
04:52I'd say
04:52For you
04:53It'd be
04:53I'd say
04:56I'll say
04:56I'd say
05:02I'd say
05:13I'm sorry, ma'am.
05:15Holy fuck.
05:26Hi.
05:28Who are you talking to?
05:29I'm just on hold with neurosurgery at Johns Hopkins.
05:32I talked to this guy at UCSF.
05:34He was like a total dick,
05:35but there's this world-renowned surgeon in Paris
05:37I'm going to try next.
05:37He's done a lot of promising new research.
05:39Why?
05:40To help my mom.
05:42Well, honey, I don't think that she's looking for help.
05:44You know what I realized?
05:45It's a brain tumor, you know?
05:46I think the tumor, it's like messing with her head.
05:51It's like clouding her judgment, you know?
05:53It just makes total sense.
05:55You know, she's doing fine.
05:57She seems like herself,
05:59except for this one insane decision she's made,
06:01and I just...
06:06She doesn't need to die.
06:09She needs the best neurosurgeon in the world,
06:12and I don't know why Jules isn't calling everyone he knows.
06:15Actually, wait, he might know someone who knows this doctor.
06:17Nikki, why don't you take a shower and get dressed?
06:18I'm in the middle of something right now.
06:20This is important.
06:21This is the most important thing to me.
06:25What's possible in the wedding?
06:30Are you serious?
06:31No, so you can focus on the most important thing to you.
06:34I didn't mean it like that.
06:37I don't mean it like that either.
06:38I mean that your mom dropped a huge bomb on you,
06:41and, yeah, it is more important than the wedding,
06:43and I don't know,
06:46maybe we don't want to get married under these circumstances.
06:56Come here.
07:09Who's that?
07:10Who?
07:12Who's that little guy?
07:14Oh.
07:17This is my dumb apology for, like,
07:21tactlessly unearthing your family secret.
07:25And we can have the wedding as planned this week.
07:28This doesn't change anything for us.
07:30Yeah.
07:33But it does, like...
07:37It does change a lot.
07:40I'm not gonna let it get in the way of our wedding.
07:47I'm with you.
07:50Really?
07:51I'm with you.
07:53Forever.
07:54Forever.
07:58Oh, Portia.
07:59Where's the dress?
07:59Needs to be altered.
08:00I have, like, 500 things I have to do.
08:02Nikki stopped touching her,
08:03and the table man delivered eight tables,
08:05and Nikki, stop.
08:06Ew, I'm helping.
08:06And the caterer needs the menu to be finalized.
08:08Okay, let me help you.
08:10What?
08:11Let me help you.
08:13The dress isn't there.
08:15Nikki's suit isn't there.
08:16What else do you need?
08:19By the way, I haven't gotten to say thank you, Portia,
08:22for everything that...
08:23Oh, and I brought your card.
08:26You know, it's weird, I actually have to ask you something.
08:29You thought we were going to kill you?
08:31No offense, but that's kind of an insane conclusion to draw.
08:34Did someone try to kill you once or something?
08:36No.
08:37No.
08:37Then why did you think that?
08:39It's just how my brain works.
08:44Like, right now, I feel like there's someone standing behind this door.
09:02I googled you, you know.
09:04It's like you don't even exist.
09:08No social media, no LinkedIn, not even, like, high school sports stats.
09:12Either you didn't play sports or you weren't very good.
09:14I was homeschooled, actually, so I played the sport of, like,
09:18trying not to be a total freak, but I don't think that it worked.
09:22Yeah, I'm like the opposite.
09:24I never thought anyone was trying to kill me.
09:32Whoa, when did all this happen?
09:35Hey, hey, what is this?
09:37It's supposed to be live-edged cedar?
09:39These are like sticks.
09:41This is a tasteful wedding, not the Blair Witch Project.
09:44This is what you ordered.
09:45Rustic Beachwood.
09:46Rustic Beachwood?
09:47No.
09:48Look around you, man.
09:49I don't see a fucking beach.
09:50Um, the wedding theme is Forest of Love.
09:52Did I talk to Dominic?
09:53He does a new consult, so I have this work's been approved.
09:56You approved.
09:56Well, no.
09:57I didn't approve this.
09:58This is not my vision.
09:59Hey, Portia, come here.
10:00Look.
10:01I, I think that this, this is actually going to look really nice.
10:05Yeah, it is.
10:06It is.
10:06They're going to do that thing here, and I think, I mean,
10:09they have a plan.
10:10You guys have a plan.
10:10Of course we have a plan.
10:12This stick goes there.
10:13That stick goes there.
10:14I'm not tipping him.
10:14It makes an arch.
10:16Portia, I think the flowers look really nice.
10:19I think that's going to look nice, too.
10:20These aren't the flowers, Rachel.
10:24What?
10:26Well, they're fake.
10:27They're fake.
10:28The real ones come to half.
10:29What?
10:30Portia, that's crazy.
10:32These are, these are perfectly arranged.
10:34They're ready to go.
10:34Why don't we just use these?
10:37We obviously need real flowers, Rachel.
10:40Do you want your wedding to look like a hospital waiting room?
10:43God, I did this arrangement in advance so I could actually see it.
10:46I've always envisioned a winter wedding at Summer House.
10:49Went back and forth about the color scheme.
10:50Rust, sage, evergreen, and white.
10:52But there is just too much rust and not enough sage.
10:54Here, take these.
10:57I think it's, they look pretty perfect to me.
11:01Oh, well you can't be trusted with flowers.
11:03You brought white lilies, funeral flowers.
11:08And of course you didn't know, because apparently you grew up homeschooled in some ditch or something.
11:19Okay.
11:20No, I don't understand you at all.
11:22Who's going to be your maid of honor?
11:23What's your walk song going to be?
11:24Do you even have anyone to walk you down the aisle?
11:25It's okay, Portia.
11:26You really, you, you don't have to worry about this stuff.
11:29I do have to worry about it.
11:31Because you're not worried about it and someone has to fucking worry about it.
11:33Okay.
11:39Okay.
11:40I will walk myself down the aisle.
11:44I don't know, I don't know what song yet.
11:47But I promise you I will, I will pick one.
11:52Okay.
11:54Will you be my maid of honor?
11:58Would you do that for me?
12:02The caterer called and they don't have everyone's final meal choice, so.
12:06Okay.
12:07Great, then I will ask everyone here what they want.
12:10What are the options?
12:11Chicken or fish?
12:12Okay.
12:12And veggie option?
12:13I will light you on fire.
12:22Come in.
12:24You can help me.
12:30Which do you think best captures this spirit?
12:40So cute.
12:43This one.
12:46Oh, I don't have one of you.
12:48Oh, no, don't worry.
12:49That's totally fine.
12:50Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.
12:51Please, please, I don't, I don't want to, I don't want to deserve you.
12:53I just wanted to ask you if, if you wanted chicken or fish for the wedding?
13:00I want to be buried with my whole family.
13:14Do you want it?
13:16I'm, I'm getting rid of my attachment to all things.
13:19Thanks.
13:20Mm-hmm.
13:24Do you know where Dr. Cunningham is?
13:27He's probably in his dungeon working on the dog.
13:31Now that he's finished the grave, he needs something else to fixate on.
13:36Oh, and that's all right.
13:38That's how he wants to spend his last days with me.
13:48Can I ask you something?
13:51Do you think that everyone is dealing okay?
13:56I mean, with, with your death?
14:02Well, how could they be?
14:06Well, you know, they could be talking to each other about it.
14:08They could be leaning on each other.
14:11They could be processing it all with you.
14:16I mean, there are doulas for these types of situations.
14:19Someone who can help you.
14:19Have you dealt with it?
14:23With what, with your death?
14:25With yours.
14:26Your mother's, I mean.
14:29My mother died before I knew her.
14:31There was nothing left to deal with.
14:38Well, I know that you grew up without a mother.
14:43But it would be naive to think that just because you didn't know your mother, you don't have to deal
14:47with all this.
14:48I mean, it doesn't go away if you close your eyes real tight.
14:51You didn't just suddenly exist.
14:54You came from somewhere.
14:58And when you die, you will leave somewhere behind.
15:03There was nothing left.
15:07You are what's left.
15:15I'll have both.
15:17Chicken and fish.
15:18Why not?
15:38You are.
15:40meaning you,
15:44Why not?
15:45Baby Why am I missin' you
15:50when I ought to be kissin' you?
15:56Tell me our love has just begun
16:03You're my only one
16:13You shouldn't sleep in the bathtub.
16:15I wasn't sleeping.
16:17I had to give a girl CPR once.
16:19In college I had to give her chest compressions and everything.
16:21Yeah, that is what CPR is.
16:23The girl drowned, Jules.
16:26Guess how?
16:27She fell asleep in the bathtub.
16:29I know, you've told me that before.
16:31I already know everything that's ever happened to you.
16:35Do you want to know why Rachel thought we were going to kill her?
16:38I don't know.
16:39She's got something fucky going on with her.
16:42I bet you like that, don't you?
16:47You're sorry, man.
16:52Now, what about me soaking quietly in a bathtub,
16:56made you go, let me come in here and stab Jules
16:59over and over again with a toothpick
17:02till he bleeds to death.
17:03That's what it's like with you.
17:06Portia's the one who told you about the sorry man.
17:09Portia always has to be the center of attention.
17:11Portia's the one who fucked everything up.
17:13No one ever blames Portia for anything.
17:21It's not my fault, Nicky gets off on damaged, self-absorbed girls.
17:29He's a simp for girls who walk all over him.
17:32He thinks he's fixing them.
17:35I'm just trying to be at peace.
17:39Why are you disturbing my peace?
17:44It's bath time.
17:47It's bath time.
18:09You used to be nicer.
18:12Oh, baby, you want nice.
18:14You should have married the other one.
18:17But that's the thing, Nellie.
18:19You don't want nice.
18:21Because I hate to break it to you.
18:23You're not actually nice either.
18:26And you couldn't stand to watch Nicky take the punches.
18:29You want someone who punches back.
18:32It's true.
18:32Sometimes nice is nice.
18:34Well, I'm sometimes nice.
18:43Say it.
18:45Didn't we say that in our vows?
18:47That we'd always be honest, no matter what.
18:50Oh, we've really stuck to our vows, haven't we?
18:53Say it.
19:01Say it.
19:05Say it.
19:13Say it.
19:16Watch out on me.
19:22Try me.
19:25Say it.
19:27Yeah.
19:28Yeah.
19:30Yeah.
19:30Yeah.
19:31Yeah.
19:38oh sorry oh my god oh my god sorry sorry no don't go one moment
19:58okay you want me to say it your mother will be gone in a month and you haven't dealt with
20:04her
20:05you've never really dealt with anything have you not your last failed marriage not this jealous
20:11brother bullshit and not your maybe fictitious maybe real serial killer who's been haunting you
20:16since you were jude's age which is exactly how old you are when you stop growing up you need to
20:21deal with your shit yeah because things will start slipping away all around you
20:29are you who you want your son to be julian
20:35yes what do you want sorry i didn't mean to interrupt i just
20:39it's really stupid i can i can i didn't realize he was in the towel that was really nice what
20:43you did with the cake really nice nelly likes him nice ignore him it's the key to a healthy marriage
20:48it's it's actually stupid the caterer just needs to know if you guys want chicken or fish for the
20:52wedding brachelle have you written your vows uh no not yet here's the key to a healthy marriage
21:03in our vows nelly and i promise to always be honest so i mean it when i say baby sometimes
21:10i
21:10fantasize about hiring someone to kill you
21:13all pain
21:17so even in your fantasies you don't do anything yourself
21:27what's the fish and how's the chicken prepared
21:30i don't know you don't know i can't answer until i have all the information
21:34don't be a dick he'll have the fish
21:39you should really write your vows
21:46sorry
21:46i'm sorry
21:52what's in here
21:54jib i got you something
21:56i think there's someone in here
21:58huh i think there's someone in there
22:01hey come on it's okay i know the feeling but there's there's no one back there
22:07why would it be locked
22:14i don't know but sometimes better not to open a locked door because there might be something
22:20in there that's that's not meant for you hey look
22:27yeah i mean it's not me we're nice but i was once considered you and nice so let's go back
22:48she's not thinking clearly because of the brain tumor you're just giving up that's it throw in the towel on
22:53sorry on a 40 year marriage on a human life on mom's life on your family you're just you're done
23:00i'm not give up i am not giving up mickey
23:05in my marriage we make decisions together i'm not a witness to your mother's decision i am a part of
23:12it
23:12i'm standing by my wife
23:16i'm embracing my last moments with her continuing the tradition that was established by her father
23:21sorry by skinning a dog rachel
23:30you got engaged
23:34you called us
23:36you didn't want to have a big wedding you just wanted to do something here
23:39with the family
23:41your mother was happy
23:43she didn't want to ruin your wedding
23:45so she planned this for after
23:47your wedding it is so difficult to get family together and this is to be her final celebration it is
23:53her dying wish
23:55and you two are not going to ruin it for her understood this involves all of us it's not
24:00just her decision okay how do i call a family meeting
24:05what a family meeting how do i call one can i do that
24:10again i'm so sorry for my misunderstanding and maybe i am totally out of line by doing this but i
24:16imagine that
24:16that close families
24:18like you can talk to each other
24:20about
24:21your feelings
24:22i know that i'm new to the family dynamic but i've i've realized that it was
24:27your plan to use our wedding as a
24:31surrogate living funeral
24:33but because most of you haven't done much processing the wedding has
24:36now become a highly pressurized distraction from
24:40what is really going on
24:42and i think that maybe we should do something about it
24:46or else
24:49we shouldn't have a wedding at all
24:52oh she can't do that
24:54i knew
24:55what is she talking about
24:55i think she could just let her talk
24:57it doesn't make sense to carry on
24:59like it's no big deal couching your death inside of our wedding without
25:02talking about it it's it's not going to be what you want
25:07what do you think can we do something to process all of this can we
25:11can we try it
25:13yeah
25:15yeah let's um let's try it guys
25:17i'm sorry i don't understand what she's getting at
25:19are you suggesting you cancel the wedding because of our dying mother because that seems a little unfair
25:25okay good uh no i'm not saying that i'm saying that i think that we need a forum for you
25:32to say
25:33what you feel ahead of the wedding so it's not a horrible disaster and you can all actually have
25:37some peace around it and i think that was a good start thank you
25:40you're welcome
25:41you want us to do family therapy led by you no offense but a stranger basically
25:48well isn't that what a therapist is a stranger
25:51are you a therapist she's getting her doctorate oh in what behavioral psychology
25:56you're a therapist no i'm a behavioral psychologist almost have you studied your own behavior tools
26:04be respectful i am being respectful
26:08well what are we gonna do rachel sit in a circle and hold hands and cry
26:13well that that would be better than nothing yeah where are you getting your doctorate
26:19you of i oh i went to northwestern cool yeah so is there something that you want to say to
26:25your
26:26mother before you no longer have the opportunity to um um go ahead
26:42uh
26:49no
27:00okay
27:07so is there anything anyone wants to say to mrs cunningham before she's no longer with us
27:30why don't we why don't we do this why don't we all take some time alone really really alone
27:38sit with yourself think about what you want to say or write it down or just be prepared to say
27:43it
27:43do what you need to do and then we can we can all come back together yeah
27:53that was good okay now can you come with me
27:58yeah
28:17that was more impressive than you realize oh no it's not it's just very obvious that they're
28:22failing to cope no no i meant stealing the spotlight from queen bee oh no i didn't
28:27yes you've only been here what like two days and everyone's doing everything you asked
28:31yes she's like
28:34sort of a narcissist isn't she sort of didn't she just turn your wedding into her funeral right
28:43yeah
28:47what
28:50you don't take compliments well sorry what part of that was a compliment when i said
28:54you're impressive oh my god that's who who does take compliments well i take compliments well
29:04go ahead
29:10i don't know it's like kind of a
29:13bad omen to get married during a death ceremony so it's a good thing you're not superstitious then
29:18isn't it yeah good thing good thing good thing i haven't also had this awful feeling ever since i
29:23got here that something bad is going to happen yeah but this is the bad thing isn't it victoria's
29:27death no it's it's something else the feeling hasn't gone away i'll keep an eye out for other bad things
29:40there's one
29:44i don't know what's going to happen
29:49what i was worried that you'd be like an evil who hated me for marrying your ex but you're not
29:54okay you don't give compliments well either you're welcome so what the are we going to do with this
30:05sometimes it's easier to speak truthfully if you don't have to look someone in the eye so
30:13i'll be quiet they're having a meeting so you will talk to them
30:18you'll each go around and tell it how you feel
30:23and it will absorb your pain and grief and then we will release it
30:38okay who wants to go first i can go
30:48victoria
30:52you're an incredible woman you are the cunningham family and you will leave a hole in this family
30:59that shouldn't be filled not only because it would be impossible but because this is the end of an
31:05era and it should be honored as one your presence strength and unwavering courage has shaped us in ways we
31:14will carry forever um
31:20i've always uh revered you and dad
31:25and your life together and your marriage and the way you devote yourselves to each other and i always
31:37wanted to follow in your footsteps and i hope i'm doing that because i see the way that you protect
31:44each other and you've taught me the value and understanding someone so well that you know how to
31:51shield them from pain and i know we haven't always seen eye to eye um i hope you love me
31:58for my flaws and
31:59you know how to do your mistakes i i found a way to love you for yours
32:05i love you mom and i'll miss you
32:08the time we missed two days in santorini because of my failure to admit that i'd been wrong
32:20and missing your 32nd birthday for an inconsequential business trip i am terribly terribly sorry
32:31i will make sure that my future children know you i will make sure to keep family traditions alive
32:39i will take care of summer house i will make sure you live on forever in our hearts and in
32:46the hearts
32:46of those who knew you i know that we only just met and i'm very sorry to lose you
32:57you've been such a great mother to nikki and you know i think it's it's true what you said about
33:05children absorbing their mothers and vice versa
33:24this is the cake rachel bought to say sorry for thinking we're a family of murderers
33:31niki is so loving because of you and he's so lucky that he had you and dr cunningham to show
33:39him
33:39where he came from and how to love and how to be loved why why is this door open
34:17i'm so glad that nikki absorbed that from you and that he got to grow up with this unconditional love
34:26i can't imagine what that's like this is where papa honors the dead animals he says the dogs can see
35:08out to get back to him and that's by god
35:11we don't even know what that's like this one but he wants me to go out to the dead animals
35:13and we're not going to be able to see how many minds are going to do
35:14but the others have to be liked in there
35:14and i think it's no one else
35:15my ideas are going to be brave
35:15and we're gonna be fighting for you
35:17the others have to be able to protect the character
35:20but it's a process that we need to do
35:24Shh.
36:19How can I die?
36:24Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!
36:55Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!
37:33Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!
38:02Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!
38:10Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!
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