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00:12What's Vinny doing?
00:20What's Vinny doing?
00:26No!
00:30What an entrance.
00:31I'm living for this.
00:33Taser in.
00:34We don't talk like this all.
00:36I don't think so.
00:38Oh, here we go.
00:39What is that?
00:40Oh, shut up.
00:41This doesn't look real.
00:43I don't think it is.
00:44A framboisier.
00:45What's a framboisier?
00:47Oh, I knew it!
00:48No!
00:48This looks dodgy, doesn't it?
00:50Does? Why is it dodgy?
00:51This is going to go down so badly.
00:53None of us learn, do we?
00:56Wow!
00:57I hate you!
00:59Must remember that bellend.
01:01This is what everyone came for.
01:03The lamp bells were ringing with me, Mary.
01:06At least the nipples are covered.
01:07Yeah.
01:08It's half the battle.
01:09In the week it finally stopped raining,
01:11we enjoyed lots of great telly.
01:16Flirty banter wasn't as innocent as it looked on Prime Video.
01:19But the Kennedy Space Centre, I think, is cooler.
01:22Because, you know, the Enterprise was only ever a test shuttle
01:25and Kennedy has the Atlantis, which was the real deal.
01:29Are you trying to impress me?
01:30Maybe.
01:32It's working.
01:36Why can't I laugh like that?
01:38Oh, dear.
01:39I'd love to have a laugh like that.
01:40I would love you to have a laugh like that.
01:42LAUGHTER
01:47A busy week for the boys in blue was making the headlines.
01:51Detectives have resumed their search of Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor's
01:56former home at Royal Lodge on the Windsor estate.
01:58I wouldn't be able to read the news, because if I'll come in,
02:02I'd be like, oh, no.
02:06I wouldn't be telling the people, I'd just be reading it myself.
02:10I was like that yesterday morning.
02:12I went, no way, Ozie.
02:17No, it's Andrew.
02:22And Ed Stafford was smouldering up the Amazon on Discovery.
02:27I'm heading deep into the Amazon jungle to visit a people called the Satarema Way.
02:32I'm on the final leg of my journey, a two-hour boat ride up the Amazon
02:36to reach their remote village.
02:38I've had an off-grid experience when we went to Amsterdam,
02:42and I remember leaving the club at 4 o'clock,
02:45and then there was no places open for fast food.
02:48And then the taxi driver said, yeah, fast food, ten minutes down the road and that.
02:54Mate, we drove to Rotterdam.
02:56And come back.
02:57That was the most expensive fast food I ever had in my life.
03:09In Manchester...
03:10I tried a new karaoke song the other night, Shania Twain.
03:14You're still the one, still the one that I love.
03:18The only one I dream of.
03:21You're still the one I kiss.
03:24Good night.
03:26Did it go down well or not, did it?
03:28It did.
03:30I knew it was coming on that night,
03:32so I was at the pub ready and waiting for the karaoke woman to turn up.
03:36As soon as she got there,
03:39the bar manager was like,
03:40look, just send it, Sean's on first.
03:42Because I was there ready and waiting for it.
03:46And then, so I've given myself a new nickname in the pub of Shania Twain.
03:53On Saturday night, the judges were back behind their buzzers on ITV1.
03:58Yeah, Jen.
03:59Oh, lovely.
04:00I know you're a talent.
04:02Yeah.
04:02Yeah, drink an old mouth.
04:03Wine.
04:04Yeah, good, cheers, Lee.
04:09I've actually missed this on a Saturday night.
04:12Have you?
04:12I was going to go on it once and then I chickened out.
04:15Yeah, you did.
04:16I remember you wanted to go on Britain's Got Talent.
04:17I was thinking about showing you what you're telling.
04:19Oh.
04:23In the programme, a smiley woman came onto the stage.
04:27How are you?
04:28Good.
04:28And your name is?
04:29My name's Lee Wei.
04:30I can't find Taiwan.
04:32Lee Wei.
04:32Oh, I like that name.
04:34Right, what you got for me, Lee Wei?
04:39No shoes always makes me nervous.
04:41I always think if you're going on here without your shoes on,
04:45it's going to be something crazy.
04:51It's a plant pot.
04:52Ellie, have you got a plant pot like that in your back garden?
04:55I have.
04:57She's not getting in there, is she?
04:58She's too big to get in that pot.
05:01Oh, my God.
05:03Oh, they've got some fire and an assistant.
05:05Come on.
05:09What's she doing?
05:10She's sitting like to a pot running.
05:14I'm a step ahead.
05:15Watch me wear my clothes.
05:16Eh?
05:17Bloody hell, what's she doing here, Lee?
05:19Oh, that's dangerous, isn't it?
05:23This is weird.
05:24What's she doing?
05:25I don't understand that.
05:31Oh, absolutely not.
05:32Oh, she's a barrel tougher.
05:39No way.
05:40Wow.
05:41Do you know what I don't get?
05:42How the hell do you know you can do this?
05:44I don't like it.
05:49Oh!
05:50Oh!
05:51I thought that was going to go somewhere else.
05:53Yeah, I did too.
05:57Oh, hang on, there's more.
05:59She hasn't finished yet.
06:00Well, she got a table.
06:05Oh, she's not going to jumble the table, surely.
06:12Oh, she set the legs on fire.
06:15The table's on fire.
06:16She's on fire.
06:16She set the table on fire.
06:22Oh, my God.
06:25Jesus, I wish you'd do it now, lad.
06:30The control is wild, isn't it?
06:31No, if I did what she does, my legs would be so turned.
06:34Like, this is why you can't skip leg, though.
06:37Look how nice do this.
06:41The table's going to take off.
06:42The table's going to take off.
06:46All right, that's enough.
06:48Is she available to hire for parties or birthdays or...?
06:51I was going to say fireworks night.
06:52Fireworks night?
06:53She bloody brilliant.
06:53You don't need your Roman wheel anymore.
06:55No, you don't.
06:55Catherine wheel.
06:56Catherine wheel.
06:57You just have her.
07:04She ain't even got a sweat going on, has she?
07:07Or a singe.
07:08That is just such an unneeded talent.
07:11Yeah.
07:11But it's quite impressive.
07:13I remember I had a mate at a school that could balance a lot of cool shit on his chin,
07:16and that got him a lot of girls.
07:18I literally can't even hula hoop.
07:20I've never been able to.
07:21Me too.
07:22And this woman can do that with her feet.
07:25Why would I be so useless?
07:30In Wiltshire...
07:30Look, Giles, we've got a new microwave.
07:33Oh!
07:34Oh, Mary.
07:36Look at it going round.
07:37Is that one minute?
07:38Yeah.
07:39It's lovely and old-fashioned, isn't it?
07:40Isn't it?
07:41Giles and his wife, Mary.
07:44That's come to the end.
07:45Tum-ti-tum-ti-tum-ti-tum-ti-tum-ti-tum-tum-tum.
07:48Oh, that's noisy.
07:49No, it's not quite.
07:50It's too hot to handle, Giles.
07:52I'll have to get a little saucer for you.
07:54Let me, because I've got asbestos fingers.
07:56Mary, I've got asbestos fingers.
07:58Oh, you see?
08:00My fingers don't mind that.
08:04On Tuesday, we were off to the continent for a brand-new competitive cooking show on ITV2.
08:11I've heard about this.
08:12Is it like Love Island with food?
08:14They all get off with each other.
08:16You need to watch this cooking show, because you need to see how to cook without scotch bonnet.
08:21You can cook food without scotch bonnet.
08:24I'm in Barcelona to help launch the hottest new restaurant in the Meds.
08:29Oh, Barcelona.
08:31We've been there.
08:33No.
08:34It's a rooftop restaurant.
08:34I think that you went with somebody else.
08:38We've never been to Barcelona.
08:41Oh, yeah.
08:43And I'm on my way to pick up the boss.
08:46Legendary chef Jean-Christophe Novelli.
08:49Oh, Jean-Christophe Novelli.
08:51I've heard of him.
08:51Yeah, he's massively famous here.
08:53Well, he's not to fuck around with, then, is he?
08:56No.
08:56And he's recruited a team of hungry young chefs to run the kitchen.
09:00I can make a lasagna.
09:02That's actually really good.
09:03I couldn't.
09:04I've never really made anything exotic.
09:09I know myself, if I were in a kitchen, I wouldn't mind at all if an angry, talented chef was
09:15shouting at me.
09:16I wouldn't mind that.
09:17But young people are all nervous wrecks, and they'd all get human resources and say,
09:22I've lost my self-esteem, and I'm going to have to check into a clinic.
09:26They're not resilient enough.
09:28Akito, you're going to be my first ex-chef.
09:31Thank you, chef.
09:32Don't fuck it up, Akito.
09:34And on dessert, it's Marta and Tom making a hot raspberry souffle.
09:39Raspberry souffle is probably quite easy.
09:41I want to know what other desserts are doing.
09:43And peach tart to tan.
09:44Tart, tart, tart.
09:46You have to say it quite loudly.
09:47Do you?
09:48Yeah.
09:48You wouldn't get me eating out of them, posh shite.
09:51No, you like a choccy fudge cake, don't you?
09:53When it comes to food, I'm not into bullshit.
09:57Oh.
09:57Any, like, micro herbs or, like, just grass or, like, pebbles on the plate.
10:02The food should do the talking.
10:04I like this guy.
10:05Tom's a good guy.
10:07He can cook me my dinner.
10:08Do you have a time on the caramel?
10:10No, no.
10:11You don't have a time on the caramel?
10:12That's worrying.
10:13The trick with caramel is stir, stir, stir, stir, stir.
10:17And whatever you do, do not take your eyes off the pan.
10:20Apparently, if you use metal to stir caramel, it crystallise.
10:23Yes, that's true.
10:25That's all good.
10:26Tart cases need to roll out.
10:27Go back to the caramel.
10:28What are you doing?
10:29You've walked away from it.
10:31First error there.
10:32Get back stirring, Tom.
10:34We're in a good place.
10:34How long's that time?
10:35Four more minutes.
10:36That's ten minutes.
10:36Is it turned?
10:37Yeah.
10:37I think we're in a good place.
10:38It's burning.
10:39It's burning.
10:40It's burning.
10:41Because it shouldn't be steaming like that.
10:43Do you know what I mean?
10:46Sweet.
10:47Oh, he's smoking.
10:48He's smoking.
10:48Look at that.
10:49Chef.
10:51I can let something burning.
10:53Chef!
10:53Even Jean-Christophe has noticed from halfway across the restaurant.
10:56That's all through a glass window.
11:00What's happened over there, Akito?
11:02He's still too busy, Mr. I-know-what-I'm-doing.
11:05They're going to be in the car park in a minute doing a roll call if he's not careful.
11:10This is burning.
11:11Oh, my God.
11:11Never leave caramel.
11:12Oh, at last.
11:14Never leave caramel.
11:16She knew.
11:16Tartan.
11:18What a wanky dessert to give someone on their first day at work.
11:21Seriously.
11:22Like, what a French piece of wank.
11:26Just cleared that up.
11:29That's brilliant.
11:30Calm.
11:31What does he want?
11:31Ice cream?
11:33A chocolate sauce?
11:35You've got to make sure you are a little bit more proactive with your pellets, your smell, and so on.
11:39Oh, he's getting a bollocking now.
11:41He needs a bollocking.
11:42He's too cocky, isn't he?
11:43I've burnt a bit of sugar.
11:44That's okay.
11:45Taking out my wages.
11:46No problem.
11:47But then, let's go on with it.
11:48Uh-oh.
11:48Okay.
11:49Are you serious?
11:50Yeah.
11:51No, no.
11:51He's got the wrong attitude.
11:52Yeah.
11:53Pain, pain, pain, pain, pain, pain, pain, pain.
11:57Bloody hell.
11:57Has he just done that again?
12:00Oh, it's like, here's a fire engine coming.
12:02It's the French fire engine.
12:03Brilliant.
12:07No, no, this is okay, chef.
12:08I promise.
12:08Thank you, chef.
12:09Smoked that.
12:10What do you mean he's okay?
12:12That's bitter.
12:13There's nothing okay about it.
12:14Man trying to tell a big man who got Michelin's time, that's okay, you know.
12:19The problem that I think now going forward is that Marta's going to think that I'm shit.
12:24She might not be far off the market, my dear Tom.
12:27Hey, Tom.
12:28I'm telling you all think you're shit.
12:31I'm going to be honest, out of all of that, the biggest question I've got is, why does
12:35it need to be in Bathalona?
12:37Yes.
12:39You could literally do that anywhere.
12:54In Leeds.
12:55Oh, is that a new car?
12:56Oh.
12:57I'm wearing ours, $39.99, was $129, down to $69.99, $39.99.
13:02Auntie Margaret's pot round.
13:05Can you zip it up?
13:06Nice colour.
13:07Yeah.
13:07Looks a bit snug.
13:08Well, it's a 12, but that's all.
13:10Yeah, but you're not a 14.
13:13No, it's because I've got massive bust.
13:15It's because you've got four layers underneath the coat.
13:19It's the cardigan, the underscirt, the dress.
13:21Can you fasten it up if you want to?
13:22Yeah.
13:23All right.
13:23It does zip up.
13:24Just a little bit tight around, bulbs, but it's all right.
13:26Yeah.
13:27$39.99, you can't grumble.
13:28Well, no, you can't grumble for $39.99.
13:31Yeah.
13:32Definitely not.
13:32You'd be foolish, too.
13:34Right, ta-ra.
13:35On Friday, the Wright Royal scandal had stepped up a gear on BBC News.
13:40There's just so many topics that could be on the news today.
13:43I wonder what they've gone for.
13:45I think there's a bit of a biggie.
13:46They even took wagon on off.
13:49I've never liked Andrew, have you?
13:51No.
13:52When he was married to Sarah, they were a rum couple, weren't they, from the word go?
13:56No, I know.
13:57She was dreadful.
13:59Good afternoon.
14:00Detectives have resumed their search of Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor's former home at Royal Lodge on the Windsor estate.
14:07This is the scandal that we have all been waiting for.
14:11I can't believe it.
14:12Well, I can, but I'm shocked.
14:14It follows his arrest yesterday morning on suspicion of misconduct in a public office.
14:18Hey, listen.
14:19That picture is fucking timeless.
14:21That picture is chef's case.
14:24The last time this happened was 300-odd years ago with Charles I.
14:28And that was the formation of Parliament.
14:30Oh, right.
14:31Yeah.
14:32What did he do exactly?
14:34Who, Charles I?
14:35Charles I, yeah.
14:36It was like, he was leaking trade secrets to the local paedophile.
14:40Well, the former prince, who was released from custody last night, is alleged to have shared official documents when he
14:47was Britain's trade envoy with the late sex offender Jeffrey Epstein.
14:50I mean, to be fair, I was surprised at what he was arrested for.
14:54Really?
14:55Yeah.
14:55Do you want to play the, er, he's officially and strenuously denied everything game?
15:00Every time they say it, we have to have a little drink.
15:02He denies any wrongdoing.
15:04Oh.
15:07There'll be plenty more.
15:08Of course he does.
15:09Where was he that day, Pizza Express?
15:12Do you know what, though?
15:13For him to be arrested, they must have some pretty good evidence.
15:16This is what shell shock looks like.
15:19Released last night, still under investigation.
15:22I think I look like that sometimes when I'm in a taxi on the way home.
15:25They go too fast, they're like this.
15:28I'm going to be sick.
15:29Whoa.
15:30These were the barely believable scenes at Royal Lodge this morning.
15:33The former residents of the former prince still being searched by police.
15:38Royal Lodge being searched!
15:40Happy birthday to you.
15:42They arrested him on his birthday as well.
15:44It was his birthday, wasn't it?
15:46What if he had to cancel his party?
15:48Are we off to Pizza Express straight from the clink, I reckon?
15:51Because you get a free pizza on your birthday, don't you?
15:53If you're registered.
15:54Yeah.
15:56His arrest has resonated with US survivors of the late sex offender Jeffrey Epstein,
16:01who have called on US authorities to hold its citizens to account.
16:05Doesn't that say to America?
16:07Come on.
16:08Pull your finger out.
16:09Yeah.
16:10Give some justice to these girls.
16:12What these victims are up against is an awful lot of wealthy people.
16:18And that's why it's taken as long as it has to get this far.
16:22Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor has always denied wrongdoing in relation to Jeffrey Epstein.
16:26Well, he's not going to admit it, is he?
16:28He has not been arrested on suspicion of any sexual offence.
16:32But then again, you know, he has always said he's done no wrong, so he's nothing to worry about.
16:35Yeah.
16:36That's the thing.
16:37He won't be worried because he says he's done nothing wrong.
16:39Exactly.
16:40And those that have done nothing wrong shan't be worried.
16:43Yeah.
16:43Every time I see anything about the Epstein files and anything in connection, I just think about it.
16:47I'm like, there's a whole heap of women.
16:49A whole heap.
16:50There's ones that we know and there's the ones that haven't spoken out.
16:54Then there's children in these photos.
16:56That's what I'm thinking about.
16:58Yeah.
16:58I'm just like, oh, my gosh.
17:00Oh, my gosh.
17:03In Derby.
17:04Grandad had, like, a proper routine with the way he shaved them, didn't he?
17:07Oh, God, it was a ritual.
17:08He had, like, the bowl, that little stick to put on the brush, put on the soap on the brush.
17:15The soap was called Erasmus.
17:17The Sadikis.
17:18A funny word that is, isn't it?
17:20Yeah.
17:20Like a cross between erotic and orgasmic.
17:23Yeah.
17:23You look at it and think, what do I do with this?
17:25Yeah.
17:28That is a weird name, isn't it?
17:30Yes.
17:30Erasmus.
17:31I don't know why.
17:31I don't know how horny that marketing department was.
17:33E-R-S-M-I-C.
17:34And I remember writing it down in that, because it used to be on shopping lists as well.
17:39Oh, my God.
17:41Erasmus.
17:43On Wednesday night, there was something not for the faint-hearted on Channel 5.
17:48You will love this.
17:50This is so up your street.
17:51Alex, you love history and you love hospitals, because you were a nurse.
17:54I know.
17:55History of hospitals.
17:56Yeah.
17:56This will be the best programme ever.
17:58I think, at the back of my mind, because I'm from a medical background, that's why I bring
18:03you coffee in bed.
18:04Yes.
18:04And try to keep you in bed, because I'm happier.
18:07And I'm only happy to play the role of the invalid, Mary.
18:10Yes.
18:15Remember when we used to go to Thackeray Medical Museum?
18:18And you always wanted to go in the room with a video with that girl having a leg cut off
18:22with now on a stick?
18:24The amputation.
18:25You used to go in it time and time again.
18:27I don't know why.
18:28Sicko.
18:29I want to go again.
18:30We should take kids, traumatise them like we want.
18:33In the programme, Alice was learning about 17th century surgery.
18:38These are some actual bladder stones.
18:40These are real bladder stones.
18:41Look at that one.
18:43It looks huge, isn't it?
18:44It looks huge.
18:45It is huge.
18:46They was all in people's bodies.
18:48Yeah.
18:49Cool.
18:49Hello, can you pass one of them, innit?
18:52Well, you couldn't.
18:52That's why they had to extract them.
18:54Surgically, stones forming the urine, they grow in a concentrated solution.
18:58So if you don't drink enough water, I'm afraid you get bladder stones.
19:02I don't drink enough water, you know.
19:05What am I telling you to do all the time?
19:07Two litres a day.
19:08I haven't drunk water, I don't think, since last week.
19:12What?
19:12It was too dangerous to go in the top because you're too near the bowels.
19:16So you have to go underneath.
19:18Oh, God.
19:19Oh, gosh.
19:21So that was a...
19:22Underneath where?
19:23But you're going through the root of the penis here.
19:26Then you're having to go through this muscle.
19:27Yeah.
19:28Then you've got to go through the prostate.
19:29Yes.
19:30Oh, mate.
19:31Oh, with no anaesthetic, Daniela.
19:33Oh, my gosh.
19:35Are you all right there, Dad?
19:36Oh.
19:37Oh.
19:38If you've got something like this, you've then got to pull that out.
19:40You've then got to pull it out.
19:41Oh, my God.
19:42This is so gruesome.
19:44I think I'd rather call it a day, Natty, wouldn't you?
19:46So you have to feel for the stone.
19:48And actually, you have to listen for the stone.
19:51Listen?
19:51I don't know.
19:52Stone's made a noise.
19:53What you do, if you pass that into the bladder, you might hear it go tink.
19:58So they've put that down the pee hole.
20:00Yeah.
20:01Tink, tink, tink.
20:05And you have to pass it into the urethra, and it wants to end up like that.
20:10Oh.
20:11No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
20:12The urethra?
20:13Yeah.
20:14That is Dyson with the devil.
20:15Oh, no.
20:16And then as you start to go down, turn it around.
20:20Oh, okay.
20:20There you go.
20:21Right.
20:22Oh, boy!
20:25We've not got a smaller one than that.
20:27Fucking hell, love.
20:28Jesus.
20:28So you're around that curve, and you're in the bladder.
20:31Yeah.
20:31Oh!
20:32Oh!
20:33Mm!
20:36Ha-ha!
20:37Ha-ha!
20:39Alice!
20:40Your voice has gone up a few notches, Simon.
20:43The surgeon must now feel and listen out for the metal tool hitting the stone above the
20:49screams of the patient.
20:51Oh!
20:51It's hard to...
20:52Ha-ha!
20:54Fucking hell, she dig it in there, ain't she?
20:57Fucking hell!
20:58How big a hole?
20:59Well, they said between two and four inches.
21:01Oh, watch his knackers.
21:03Oh, she's got a knick.
21:03Two and four inches!
21:05Hell no.
21:06Is that that big?
21:07I think this is the opportunity we need to thank God for the invention of keyhole surgery.
21:11Correct.
21:12I'm going to give you the stone forceps.
21:13See if you can feel the stone.
21:15Where's that going?
21:16Up.
21:17I'm pushing in here.
21:19I'm pushing in here.
21:20Oh, my God!
21:22Oh, can you imagine?
21:25Oh, I'm glad you're suffering for a change.
21:27Oh!
21:29Oh!
21:30Oh, my goodness.
21:31Oh!
21:32Oh, no, no, no.
21:32I brought the dye.
21:33Oh, no!
21:34Has it finished yet, Mary?
21:35No.
21:36Don't worry, I'll tell you when it's over.
21:39Oh, my goodness.
21:40That's it?
21:41The stone's out?
21:42It's out.
21:42The worst is over.
21:43Well, at least men now know what it feels like to have the perenniums teared without any anaesthetic.
21:49Women have been at it for years.
21:51All they've had to give birth to is a bladder stone.
21:54Try a seven and a half pound baby.
21:55Oh, God, when I was getting induced with Ralphie, they got this metal clamp out.
22:02Did they use it?
22:03It was horrible.
22:04Did they use it?
22:05It was.
22:05Josh went, is that medieval?
22:07She went, ha-ha, funny enough.
22:09And that was up a bigger hole than what this is?
22:12You cheeky bastard.
22:14No, I don't mean...
22:23In south-east London...
22:25Oh, do you know, I'm desperate for some meat and two veg.
22:29I really am, so...
22:30Is that a...
22:31Is that a Sudan then for something?
22:33No.
22:34Sue and her husband, Steve.
22:36I've actually thought, you know, of having a car free delivered.
22:41Can you do that?
22:43Yes.
22:44Oh, yeah.
22:46Why don't they spill the gravy or anything?
22:48It comes in a carton, doesn't it?
22:49Of course it...
22:50What do you think?
22:51It comes in a jug?
22:52Well, I don't know.
22:53I thought it might...
22:53Well, where do you think...
22:54What?
22:54I thought it might have been on the plate.
22:56No.
22:56Swishing around you.
22:58Oh, your brussels flying around.
23:00Oh!
23:01In a sea of gravy.
23:03Gravy.
23:05Oh, yeah.
23:06Get it delivered on the back of a motorbike.
23:09Bring it in, put it on the plate and done.
23:12Oh, yeah.
23:14On Monday, it was another fella in police custody
23:17hitting the headlines on ITV.
23:19Oh, here we go again.
23:22Who's been arrested now and for what?
23:26Epstein's mates are dropping like flies in this country, aren't they?
23:29Yeah.
23:29I wonder who's next.
23:31This is the ITV Evening News with Mary Nightingale.
23:36I can hear next door's TV.
23:38Louder than ours.
23:39They've got the Mandelson news on as well?
23:41No!
23:43Good evening.
23:44Lord Mandelson is being held by detectives tonight
23:47after being arrested on suspicion of misconduct in public office.
23:52It's not entirely unexpected, this news, that it was a question of not if, but when.
23:57What is going on in the world?
23:59We've had a royal arrested and a senior lord.
24:02Screw the patriarchy.
24:03Mandelson, who was sacked as the UK's US ambassador last September,
24:07is under criminal investigation.
24:10Oh!
24:13Criminal.
24:14After he was named in the Jeffrey Epstein files.
24:18They're not messing around.
24:19They're putting that out there.
24:22Just before five o'clock this evening,
24:24Lord Mandelson was escorted from his home by two police officers.
24:28He's got a right point on him.
24:30Yeah, look at him good.
24:31That's all the files he's at.
24:36It is giving a day trip to the cells, that, isn't it?
24:39Yeah, yeah.
24:40I bet it's autographed by M&S, something like that.
24:43A leading figure in British politics for more than four decades tonight finds himself in police custody.
24:49Oh, how embarrassing.
24:51You know, I think he'll be more beat, right, the fact that he's getting taken away in a full focus
24:56rather than being arrested.
24:57But, to be fair, it is the estate version.
24:59In a statement, the Metropolitan Police said officers have arrested a 72-year-old man on suspicion of misconduct in
25:07public office.
25:08Well, we know who it is, isn't it?
25:09Yeah, why did they do that?
25:10We've arrested a 70-year-old man.
25:13He wears glasses.
25:15Name rhymes with Handelson.
25:18It was emails released last month by the US Department of Justice that prompted police to open an investigation.
25:25Their investigation is likely to focus on whether Lord Mandelson shared highly sensitive government information
25:31with the financier and convicted paedophile Jeffrey Epstein.
25:35What it does prove, Mary, is that nobody in this country is above the law.
25:40That seems to be the message that they're very keen to put out.
25:44Unlike in America.
25:46Yes.
25:47And one appeared to give advance notice of Gordon Brown's resignation as Prime Minister
25:52around nine hours before this market-sensitive information was made public.
25:57Yeah, that's going to move markets.
25:59That's going to move markets.
26:00Once that announcement's made.
26:02Yeah.
26:02I think, for me, the saddest thing and the bit that just makes my skin crawl
26:06is the indifference that these elite-type people showed towards Epstein,
26:12even though he was convicted of the crimes he was convicted for.
26:16The messages date back to when Lord Mandelson served as business secretary in Gordon Brown's government.
26:22What was he pointing at there?
26:24Shall I tell Jeffrey about that?
26:25I should tell Jeffrey about this, shouldn't I?
26:27Lord Mandelson resigned from the House of Lords last month.
26:31Noble of him.
26:33Today, the government said it was still working on legislation to remove his title.
26:38I mean, 100% his title should go.
26:41Titles of everything should go.
26:43Well, let's go straight to Rachel at Scotland Yard now.
26:46Rachel, what do we know about what will be happening inside where you are right now?
26:51Slopping out.
26:52It's called slopping out.
26:53He won't be slopping out.
26:54He'll just be chatting to them.
26:56No, but there's a thing called slopping out, Luddy.
26:59As soon as he gets there, he'll have to slop out other prisoners.
27:04Waste, won't he?
27:05He will be given no...
27:07He will be taken to a cell in the custody suite, and that cell will be very sparse.
27:12Good.
27:13It will likely contain just a bed and a toilet.
27:16Are we supposed to feel sorry for him?
27:18We need more details, Mary.
27:19I don't want...
27:20Will the toilet have a seat, and will it have hard or soft loo paper?
27:24Ah.
27:25Will it have an air freshener or a vaponer unit?
27:28Police will have 24 hours to question him before he needs to be either charged or released pending further investigation.
27:34So both those detectives and for Lord Mandelson himself, the clock is now ticking.
27:39The cells of England are going to end up looking like Madame Tussauds with all the, like, high and mighty
27:42there.
27:44You know why all these big things are happening in the news this week, don't you?
27:48No, why?
27:49Because we have just entered into the new Chinese New Year.
27:52New Year of the Firehorse only happens once every 60 years.
27:56Big changes.
27:58Shit's going down in the Year of the Firehorse.
28:00Is that why Hong Kong Express has been closed?
28:03Yeah.
28:05In Blackpool.
28:06Hey, I've got a new life hack for you.
28:09Go on.
28:09So you know how they charge to put air and, like, screen washing at the garage?
28:14Mm-hm.
28:14I've got a little trick now.
28:16Pete and his little sister, Sophie.
28:18You wait for somebody to turn up, right, who's just putting a bit of air in one of their tyres,
28:23right?
28:23Anyway, they drive off and it's still running.
28:26Me straight in.
28:28I've done two tyres' worth of air and a full thing of screen wash.
28:32For nothing?
28:32For free.
28:33I even flashed in and said, come on, you go.
28:35You go.
28:36He's like, I'm like, no, thank you.
28:41On Thursday night, an intrepid explorer was taking part in some extreme ways to become an adult on Discovery.
28:50Stop it!
28:53What's wrong with you?
28:54He's been drinking outside of him.
28:57Oh, this is our thing, that Ed Stafford, didn't he?
29:00He's like an explorer sort of thing, you know what I mean?
29:03He does some wild stuff.
29:05Oh, I swear.
29:08So how did you go from boy to man?
29:10I bumped into you.
29:11Oh, was that your first experience?
29:14Ah, yeah.
29:18If that's what you want to call it.
29:21I'm heading deep into the Amazon jungle to visit a people called the Satareno Way.
29:26Satareno Way?
29:27That was really good.
29:29They live on the Andera River, 80 kilometres from the nearest city.
29:34Oh, that's the middle of bloody nowhere.
29:36That is butt-fuck nowhere.
29:38Brazil's in South America.
29:40I thought Brazil was its own country.
29:44I didn't know the Amazon was in Brazil either.
29:46That's quite interesting.
29:47This community has a unique rite of passage ceremony
29:50that involves them putting their hands in gloves full of bullet ants.
29:54Full of what?
29:56Ants.
29:56Oh, Ronnie.
29:58Of course they do.
29:59Yeah, that's just a normal rite of passage.
30:01The bullet ant of all insects has the most painful sting in the world.
30:06Oh, no.
30:08Why?
30:09Just why?
30:10I've been stung by a wasp.
30:11Have you?
30:13Yeah.
30:16There's no medicine for the sting of this ant.
30:20It's been likened to walking on hot coves.
30:23Oh, shit.
30:24What's this?
30:24No.
30:31Oh, gee, two gloves.
30:34Oh, it's two-hands are in.
30:35Oh, no.
30:35Oh, I only thought there was going to put one in.
30:37This is an extraordinary thing to put yourself through.
30:41Why this hand?
30:42What about his pants?
30:44This is why you're not the leader, Dad.
30:46Yeah.
30:46You'd make it worse.
30:47Yeah.
30:48You've literally got a veteran crying.
30:52Oh, is he crying?
30:53Crying?
30:54Experiencing a level of pain that I know I have never felt in my life before.
30:59Oh, God.
30:59Oh, he said, is it hackney, Jenny?
31:01It's an endurance test, isn't it?
31:03I sort of get this a little bit now.
31:04It's like, how much can you take?
31:07This is it.
31:08Oh, here we go.
31:10He said it's a turn.
31:11Game time.
31:12Oh, God.
31:17I do it.
31:18OK, it's going to work.
31:19At least he's honest.
31:21Yeah.
31:21At least he's honest.
31:22Right.
31:24Here we go, Jane.
31:25Here we go.
31:26OK.
31:26Go.
31:27Oh, my days.
31:28Hee, hee, hee.
31:32The answer's probably nibbling.
31:37I may look composed, but the pain is excruciating.
31:41God, he's doing an amazing job there.
31:43He's looking composed internally meltdown.
31:46I think he's trying to put his mind in a different place, isn't he?
31:51They're coming off.
31:52Oh, I feel relief for him.
31:56His hands aren't even red.
32:00Oh, they are a bit.
32:01They've had a good old munch on his hands, haven't they?
32:04Oh, they've been feasting on him.
32:06Ed, look at that.
32:07There's this whole holes in his hands.
32:10Four hours after the ritual, how's he bearing up?
32:13Well, night, Edgy.
32:14Well, night.
32:15On his back.
32:16On his back.
32:17Do you think it's all right?
32:18No, he doesn't look all right.
32:21It's not all right.
32:26Christ, look at his hands left.
32:28He's small, then.
32:30Twice a size.
32:34What's still going on?
32:36Eight hours after the ritual, he's not so moaning, is he?
32:39It's kind of changed from burning fire to they've been smashed with a sledgehammer.
32:47Why has he wanted to do this?
32:49I just wouldn't.
32:50Go to Rome, see the Eiffel Tower.
32:54You wouldn't be seeing the Eiffel Tower in Rome, I mean...
33:05In Leeds...
33:06Mum fell down my stairs this morning.
33:09No.
33:10Yeah.
33:11She's been on about your stairs.
33:13Me and Mum slag your stairs off all time.
33:15Do you, I?
33:16Sisters Ellie and Izzy.
33:18It's because the steps are only about that wide.
33:22Do you know what...
33:22And they're, like, that steep.
33:23She were on her way down my steps, as well, to vacuum my living room, gutted.
33:28So she didn't vacuum your living room, then?
33:30No, because she hurt her elbow.
33:32Oh, for God's sake.
33:33She's done half late on the thick, don't she?
33:36Were it a left hand or a right?
33:37I don't know.
33:38If it had been a left, then she should have still done it,
33:41because she doesn't need that one.
33:43This week, a sexy, twisty thriller had us all hooked on Prime Video.
33:48I've heard this might be a bit on the bawdy side, Natty.
33:52Oh, no, don't say.
33:54We don't want all these graphic, heaving, panting people in the nude.
33:59I'm surprised you want to watch this with me and not with Toby.
34:02I don't want him getting any ideas.
34:04I can't be arsed.
34:07I hope you feel happy with yourself.
34:17Who the hell is that man?
34:19Ooh, balaclava man.
34:26Oh, I can hear water.
34:28On the telly.
34:28To be fair, sometimes my shower's got a mind of its own and a treacle.
34:33Treacle.
34:37Something.
34:38It's water.
34:39Water on the floor and a heater on.
34:41What's going on here?
34:46Oh, no.
34:47What is that?
34:49That ain't a body.
34:50It is.
34:53He's taking photos of it.
34:55What is going on?
34:59Oh, look at what?
35:01Ooh.
35:02Ooh.
35:07Is that the fire alarm off?
35:08What's going on?
35:13Oh, they're doing a rewind, Paris.
35:17We're going back in time.
35:22Ah, so we're going to go back to day one.
35:40Oh, I don't need to watch something like this when I'm just trying to date.
35:44It's not helpful, is it?
35:46I already know it's not helpful.
35:48This is why I don't want to date.
35:52I got my NASA bag in Florida out of Cape Canaveral.
35:59She's definitely caught his eye, isn't it?
36:01I know, isn't it?
36:03Oh, sorry.
36:04Oh, bump off.
36:06On purpose.
36:08I got the wrong drink.
36:11Okay, she likes what she sees as well.
36:14Waiting on her outside.
36:16Anyone else, I would have said creepy.
36:18But him?
36:19But him, romantic.
36:22Hey, NASA.
36:24NASA.
36:24Oh?
36:25NASA.
36:26Your bag.
36:27I like it.
36:28I like your bag.
36:29I wonder if he would have said it if it had Primark on the side of it.
36:31I wonder if he would have said, oh, I like your bag.
36:33He wouldn't have waited for it if it had Little or Primark.
36:36Can you name all the shuttles?
36:40No, I don't think so.
36:41I'm not that good.
36:42It's got to be the nerdiest chat line ever.
36:45I'm Oliver, by the way.
36:47I didn't ask.
36:48I'm Ciara.
36:49Dad, remember your Ford Ciara?
36:52That was a lovely car, that was.
36:54Yeah.
36:55And it wasn't long before they swapped numbers.
36:59I read about this place that does really good cocktails.
37:02We could meet there at 6.30, Westbury Bar.
37:06Don't say yes, you'll get melted and be in a bathtub in 56 days.
37:09See you there.
37:12Blind reading the blind.
37:16He looks a bit creepy and intense, doesn't he?
37:19He's giving creepy, intense vibes.
37:23Oh, she wrote the name of the shuttles down.
37:26She said she didn't know.
37:31Oh, I don't like the look of him.
37:33I don't.
37:33He looks a bit...
37:35Shifty to me.
37:36Yeah, shifty.
37:37Just once, man, just once, I want the Asian to be a goodie.
37:47This is quite the bar, isn't it?
37:49Very nice.
37:50I feel right, Knob, there.
37:51Do you have a favourite cocktail?
37:53Yes.
37:54Yeah.
37:55Sex on the beach.
37:58Bathroom.
37:58I'll be right back.
38:04Oh, she found it.
38:05She reached drugs for psychotherapy.
38:07This is an emergency.
38:09Please dial 911.
38:10He's on the phone to a psychotherapist.
38:12Oh, wow.
38:12What's going on here?
38:14I don't think I'm doing it again.
38:16I don't know what's going to happen if you don't pick up the fucking phone.
38:19Oh, he's doing it again.
38:20So he's done it before.
38:21Whatever it is, he's done it before.
38:23What, is he like a psychopath?
38:25And he's like, I want to not be a psychopath, but if you don't pick up the phone, I'm going
38:28to be a psychopath.
38:29He's calling his therapist.
38:30Help.
38:31A bit later, Ciara had found a way back to Oliver's swanky flat.
38:36I don't know what you mean.
38:37Yes, you do.
38:37Take off your jacket.
38:39Oh, I don't like his tone.
38:41No.
38:42What?
38:43How dare you?
38:48How dare you?
38:49How dare you?
38:51Take it off.
38:55Ay-yi-yi-yi-yi!
39:00She's got no lickers on.
39:02She wouldn't know how this date was going.
39:04Ace.
39:06Oh, I hate watching these things with my parents.
39:10Oh, my God!
39:14Why is he doing the worm on her?
39:19I remember when dramas used to be like Columbo.
39:23Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
39:27So she's made it out of there, then.
39:33Mm-hmm.
39:35Oh, hello.
39:37That's Oliver's business card.
39:38That's Oliver's business card.
39:42I have to see it.
39:43Yeah.
39:44Why has she got pictures of this, like, on her phone?
39:46I have to see it.
39:47Are they of his apartment?
39:49This is getting weirder by the minute, Teresa.
39:55What?
39:57Shuttle list.
39:58She's trapped him?
39:59Yeah.
39:59He didn't trap her.
40:00She trapped him?
40:05I can't do it.
40:05I fucking don't know what they're up to here at all now.
40:08So this before she meets Oliver, isn't it, now again?
40:10Hi, I'm Ciara Wires.
40:13Oh!
40:15She's not who she says she is!
40:21That's where she met him.
40:23Oh, yeah.
40:23She followed him.
40:24He was already in the shop, so she's followed him.
40:29Oh!
40:31Her whole plan was to seduce him.
40:33And see?
40:34This is why I don't date.
40:36Hmm.
40:38In North London...
40:40You know, obviously, like, I wanted something to eat, like,
40:43before we start fasting again at, like, 4am.
40:46The quickest thing was an Oreo milkshake.
40:48Sisters Amira and Armani.
40:51Blending it on the floor, on the carpet,
40:53so that it stops the vibrations and the noise.
40:56Because then, otherwise, Dad would have woken up
40:59seeing that I'm a gluttonous bitch.
41:02And had a go at me.
41:04I can't lie, I did not feel guilty at the time.
41:06And at that time of night, that's crazy.
41:08That is heavy, at 4am.
41:10It's sitting in my stomach at 4am.
41:12And I'm going straight back to sleep going,
41:15no wonder why my stomach hurt all night.
41:17I can't deal with you, honestly.
41:20And you know what's fine?
41:21I can't be having that much dairy.
41:22And, like, it didn't go well.
41:26On Sunday night,
41:27Olivia Atwood showed us more risqué ways
41:30to earn big bucks on ITV2.
41:33I mean, it'd be nice to be filthy rich,
41:34but it's how you get rich, isn't it?
41:36Yeah, filthy.
41:37I'd do it.
41:43Getting filthy rich from what?
41:47That's the question.
41:48Mum's the biggest hustler ever, isn't it?
41:50Yeah, she is.
41:51I mean, put her out there,
41:52she'd be making money, honestly.
41:55She would be...
41:56That's a wild statement to me.
41:57Not in that way.
41:59Are you trying to pimp out your mum?
42:00No, no, not in that way.
42:02Are you trying to pimp out your mum?
42:04That's the maddest shit I've ever heard.
42:06Not in that way.
42:07It's Ramadan.
42:09I'm on my way to Exeter
42:10to go to a distillery
42:12where they are making drinks
42:16infused with people's knickers.
42:19What?
42:20Oh.
42:21You say infused with people's knickers?
42:24And now we have the technology
42:26to distill absolutely anything
42:28without destroying the flavour.
42:32What flavours can you get out of underwear money?
42:35I don't think I want to think about it.
42:38But who's ever thought
42:38oh, I could murder an undercarriage in Coke?
42:41But that is the millennials' ring of choice now.
42:45Hey, hey, welcome, welcome.
42:47Bar owner and distiller,
42:4941-year-old George Nightingale
42:51made flavoured spirits for Aldi.
42:53Aldi?
42:54I've never seen flavoured spirits in Aldi.
42:57No, before.
42:58Before he started this,
42:59he worked for Aldi.
43:01Oh, right, he's come up in the world, hasn't he?
43:02So come on into the distillery.
43:04Oh, wow.
43:04Here's Bill.
43:05Oh, hi.
43:06Hello, lovely to meet you.
43:06How are you, Bill?
43:07Nice to meet you.
43:09Would you shake their hands?
43:10I'd just go, hi.
43:12How did you get into the alcohol business?
43:14How long have you been doing this?
43:14So I've been a publican most of my life.
43:17Oh, don't want to go in this pub, do you?
43:18Oh, back.
43:20And I thought,
43:21who is earning a lot of money in the world at the moment?
43:23Porn in the street.
43:25Prawn.
43:25No, porn.
43:27I knew there was a market for...
43:28The prawns.
43:29Prawns are doing quite well as well.
43:31Who do you imagine your customer's going to be, then?
43:34Dirty old men.
43:35I'm now creating a product for creators who have already got a following.
43:40So if somebody's already selling toenails, he could approach them and say,
43:46do you want to bundle up all your pants from your laundry basket and I'll make gin from it?
43:50We don't want this to be niche and underground.
43:53This is a mainstream product.
43:55Yeah.
43:55Mainstream my black ass.
43:57I was just about to say it's definitely niche, this.
43:59Well, I want it to be niche and underground, for God's sake.
44:03Yeah, but you're not likely to be one of the perverts that goes in for nappy gin, nutty.
44:08And what does it taste like?
44:09I mean, does it really vary?
44:11Well, we did a blind tasting.
44:12We did a blind tasting, yeah.
44:13And we could tell the difference between each one.
44:16Each one what?
44:17Each different star's content, basically.
44:22So what do you think I could earn if I was to commission a bottle?
44:26I think it's not unreasonable to suggest that we could return you a quarter of a million pounds for an
44:31item of clothing.
44:32What?
44:33Right.
44:34I think it's not...
44:35Where is it?
44:36Quarter of a million pounds.
44:38Get your knickers off.
44:40This is rather uncomfortable, but I've been sitting on my own bra after the last 10 minutes because I just
44:45whipped it off on the way over here.
44:47Look at him, he's just got that bouncing ding, ding, ding, ding, ding.
44:49But if I could get you to put your bra in there for me.
44:54Okay.
44:55Goodbye, sweet child.
44:56I'd put my bra in there, why not?
44:58Because the bras don't actually have much of a...
45:01They're quite pure, aren't they, bras?
45:03They don't smell of anything.
45:05So you can see in there it's that kind of murky colour.
45:08Yeah.
45:09And then when it comes dripping out here, it becomes crystal clear.
45:12Oh, it's just a fucking washing machine.
45:13We could do it ourselves, yeah?
45:15It's one thing to put the bra in, but whether or not Olivia's going to actually drink it afterwards, that's
45:21the real test, isn't it?
45:23Coming!
45:25Hello.
45:26Oh, thank you.
45:27There's the delivery.
45:28This is the tasting, Jane.
45:30This is our gin, Simon.
45:31Look at that.
45:32That's pretty cool, isn't it?
45:34It's more than I was expecting.
45:36Oh, it's tiny.
45:38I thought you was getting a proper bottle.
45:40No, but you're getting a little smidgen, fuck.
45:42Yeah.
45:42That's a shot.
45:43Okay, let's have a little try.
45:46She's going to drink, kill her.
45:49Christ almighty.
45:53No mixer.
45:57Wouldn't recommend.
46:01Something feels wrong about that.
46:03Oh, God.
46:04I guess if you were in a relationship, you could say, I'm going to collect his pants for three days,
46:11and then I could drink it.
46:13You know, it might be quite sexy if you're in a, if I knew whose I was drinking.
46:18I wouldn't want to.
46:22I wouldn't put that on your dating profile, to be honest.
46:28Critics say if this doesn't incite righteous anger over our filthy water, then nothing will.
46:33Scream David Thulis and Jason Watkins' new factual drama, Dirty Business Now.
46:37New Monday at 9, the survival show where all you have to do is survive someone else.
46:42Jonathan Ross hosts the outrageously entertaining Handcuffed, Last Pair Standing.
46:46Next night, Zach Polanski goes live on The Last Leg.
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