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The Claudia Winkleman Show Season 1 Episode 1
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FunTranscript
00:01This is weird because we haven't met but I'm just gonna say out loud. I'm obsessed by you
00:08Everybody this is Chris. Say hello. Hi
00:11Chris does this extraordinary thing on social where he talks to birds who was the naughtiest bird this week spud
00:24Where does fun sleep in her avery, okay
00:31I'm so nervous. I just need me to touch people
00:38Hello, oh, I'm gonna do this with everybody
01:06We are incredibly grateful we hope you like the colorway and approve of the carpet to be honest
01:12It is too late if you loathe we have an amazing audience and it's now time to welcome our brilliant
01:19guests
01:19He is a triple threat comedian presenter author. He's got a new book called common decency. It's Tom Allen
01:38I've been nominated for 11 Grammys and she's currently in the West End production of the Devil Wears Prada. It's
01:45Vanessa Williams
01:53She is the writer and star of absolutely fabulous and national treasure and she's here to talk about her new
02:00film the magic faraway tree
02:02It's Jennifer Saunders
02:10And we have got Hollywood royalty
02:14He starred in everything from Jurassic Park to the Grand Budapest Hotel
02:18He's also a musician and has a new album out. It's the wonderful Wizard of Oz himself Jeff Goldblum
02:40Thank you so much have a seat this is I can't believe it. Thank you for coming on the first
02:47and possibly lost
02:49No, it won't be
02:50We're going to enjoy ourselves. We'll end with the conga
02:54Imagine you said you said it's the last show. I'll be cut to in a blink of an eye
02:5930 years from now the longest running show ever
03:09I'm going to start with this. How do you feel about the set? I think it's stunning
03:15I'm loving I'm like I like the height
03:18Yeah, go ahead because and I like the back being here being close to the actual back. Yes, you know,
03:24they don't have back. Oh, I'm so sorry
03:30I'm basically on a buffet
03:32Actually, or my parents used to have a buffet and then when I came out they suddenly changed it to
03:38the footstool
03:45Yeah
03:48Voyage, right? It's all all new. I would call this a hunter green possibly. Yes, correct. Very manly kind of
03:56British screen. Yes hunter. Would you call emerald green dark teal?
04:02Would you dark white teal?
04:05Would you like to meet the woman who chose the color of the sofa? Here's the scene we go to
04:11a basement
04:12It's sort of sofa workshop. Oh, yeah, we all go as a gang. We meet a woman called Trudy
04:19We couldn't decide between two colors Trudy's here Trudy
04:31You you chose this color did you not it was really shows the color amongst 70 other options
04:41and
04:41We designed and made the sofa that it goes on. Wow. Well done Trudy
04:46What would you call this color, please? I would call it a very dark
04:51teal
04:56I do think as well you guys who work in furniture shops are great
05:01It's not a furniture shop. Oh, I beg your pardon
05:06It's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a,
05:10it's a, it's a, it's a boutique I'm sorry
05:10I'm sorry I shouldn't have spoke
05:12You don't get this with what you've got
05:16Okay, Trudy I'm sorry I wish I was dead
05:19Trudy I wish I was dead
05:21I love
05:22I mean, this is what I live for as a gay man being insulted
05:27By an upholsterer
05:30The last time I bought any furniture though I went in to buy a mattress and I walked into the
05:35shop and the woman said hi
05:36I'm Faye and I went oh my god
05:40Good mattress a deep one I hope mm-hmm you know what buying a mattress is complicated
05:45Have you ever bought one I bet you've not bought one you're a Hollywood star you don't buy furniture
05:50I love mattresses you have to buy a mattress for a lifetime
05:53Yeah, that's what they say always invest in a good bed or good shoes
05:56Yeah, because if you're not in one you're in the other
05:59Love that
06:00You're gonna have that and we went in then she was like and she said you gotta lie on it
06:05lie on the bed lie on it
06:06Like they put down that plastic sheet as though it's gonna be so comfortable I'm gonna immediately piss myself
06:12So I'm sliding all over the place and and then she gets on the bed next to me
06:17What I know and then she said a cuddle for it basically and then she said how do you sleep
06:22which sounds sort of accusatory?
06:24Something you shout at people in court is that how do you sleep?
06:27And I said well, I don't know. I'm usually asleep and she said well, are you supported? I said I've
06:32got some very good friends
06:37And then she said and and do you have nightstands and I said well that is
06:47That's what I think
06:51Explain that joke to me because
06:54I think it's a British
06:56The double meaning of that of course is a nightstand next to the bed the piece of furniture Trudy
07:00Yeah, but his nightstand because I think it's a Britishism is the double entendre which is French for fish of
07:06the day, I think
07:09Is a nightstand is that is that like a like a one-night again a one-night encounter a one
07:14-night encounter. Yeah, we don't say that in America
07:19You know I thought of many things this way it was gonna go
07:26I didn't think we'd be here with three minutes
07:28Not so quickly not so quickly not so fast
07:31Okay, you two vanessa and jennifer you are linked by a hairdresser
07:40There's a battle tonight because sven does both of us you booked him first
07:47He's got a lot more work to do
07:50It started this morning
07:53He's very creative
07:54I haven't known spend that six years
07:57I miss those days talking about a hairdresser
08:03Jeff I would love to talk to you about your album. Look at this
08:08Yes
08:09Isn't that beautiful thank you
08:11Thank you
08:14It's and isn't that beautiful
08:16Do you think so really well fontana you know are great and my
08:21The people my friends uh help me do that the the graphics of it
08:25I do like it night blooms is the name of it
08:28It's a kind of a companion piece to our other our other fourth album
08:31Which was still blooming you get the connection
08:34And um I love this album very much it's jazz you know we play jazz
08:40We're called jeff goldblum in the mildred schnitzer orchestra and just to name a few
08:44How many in the orchestra?
08:46Five
08:47I made a joke but last year for the baftas
08:51I had the honor of playing during the in memoriam section
08:55I played on the piano with their orchestra
08:58Um you must remember as time goes by
09:01Oh I thought it was ding dong the witch is dead
09:06Don't even
09:07No that's macabre
09:09Uh no it was it was uh you know it was uh as time goes by that beautiful song
09:14And we liked it so much that on this next album I sing a little bit of it and I
09:18play some more
09:19And there's an and there's an orchestra on this one
09:21Which brings me by the way you may you brought you triggered something else in me just now
09:25This is lovely um ding dong which is dead cynthia erivo the great cynthia erivo amazing
09:31And I on this next album with strings and a big band do a
09:36Newfangled version of um if I only had a brain
09:46So and many other surprises but but thank you for bringing it up
09:50I'm very crazy about this album
09:51We have a clip of you playing not a song from this album
09:54But I believe the last one but it's fantastic haven't we okay
10:21Isn't it lovely
10:23It's so lovely
10:32You played when you were young I love this story I don't know if it's true and you used to
10:36phone
10:36Restaurants just saying I hear you need a pianist
10:39Can you imagine when you were really like 15?
10:41I was sort of I had some moxie or something like that and I was full of beans and even
10:45though around 10 years old after my dad said if you find something you love to do
10:49That may be a vocational guidepost and I'd set my
10:53Heart to an acting career but around the same time I was taking and fall in love with jazz and
10:58the piano
10:59And I thought I was being clever and looked at the phone book and called cocktail lounges around pittsburgh
11:04I was 15 I think at that point and said hey, I hear you need a pianist
11:08They'd said no, we don't know what you're talking about. Who's this? No, no, we're like never mind
11:12But a couple of people said we have a piano come over and play it
11:15I got a couple of gigs that way and my parents would drive me to the thing and I started
11:19to play
11:19It's almost the seed of what this has become. Yeah, like that, you know
11:28I have become slightly obsessed with your wife because she sometimes
11:34Performs with you. We have a clip. She's spectacular. Here we go. She's
11:43Isn't she amazing
11:45She's and she was in the olympics
11:48She emily goldblum for heaven's sakes whom I met at the gym 14 years ago
11:53She was doing something like that. I won't want to go and said what are you doing? Look at that.
11:58That's it the world famous
11:58I don't think anyone's listening to you
12:02Good point. It's at the troubadour. You know the troubadour. Yes
12:05We perform we did three
12:07She's amazing
12:09We did three sold-out shows there and emily who was in the olympics doing rhythmic gymnastics
12:15She was that year that she went to sydney and did that she was the pan-american champion
12:20She was the best of that in north south america. She's fantastic. She's still a world-class athlete as you
12:26can see
12:26She's doing that. We did that
12:27Wow
12:28A month ago at the troubadour
12:31Anyway, that's emily goldblum. It's just like looking at me at home
12:36So how do you compete with that you know when you go home and one of you says i'll put
12:40some toast in and does four cartwheels and puts it in with her
12:43her toes
12:44She does every every move is a is quite a picture
12:47She's always doing something
12:49She's astounding but yes, but you can also do something rather wonderful. Well, I do this
12:54It's not an olympic activity yet. I I can wiggle my ears, but one at a time watch
13:01Watch this ready. Yeah
13:04I apologize
13:15Jeff you've started obviously in oscar-nominated wicked the biggest musical film in
13:20recent memory
13:25This is my favorite thing. I don't know whether this is true, but please say it is that occasionally
13:30You would look down the lens and speak directly to the editor and say I like that take or is
13:37that true?
13:37Yes, I would do takes I was trying to do a good job and sometimes
13:41As was my want to do I think is the phrase I would after a take I would go
13:46Uh, and he would go and cut okay
13:50Jeff says uh myron karstein. That's uh, that's I say that's that's a good one. Just so you know our
13:55editor is called steve
13:56He's happy with any notes you have
13:59That's your camera over there
14:02If you said something that you're particularly proud of you just say steve add
14:05Yes, I think I've been lively tonight steve and I say any
14:10Any genuine moment that especially I like the spontaneous ones
14:15Where there's a real connection which I've felt strongly with us. So I say so far anything is uh good
14:21for the show
14:21Fine thank you
14:23Steve will take that
14:25Um i trust you completely
14:27We all trust steve um you are going on tour you're going to start in wolverhampton
14:33Oh, I love the hamptons
14:39You know this was all arranged you know uh for us
14:44I don't how many how many how many how many how many towns are you doing we're doing they're doing
14:49a few
14:49You know we've been to glastonbury and several you know the last several years and ronnie scott's we played all
14:54over the place
14:55Would you like to know more about wolverhampton?
14:57Maybe the eateries you should go to if there's a statue a small aquarium. I believe corey is here. Hello.
15:04Hi, corey. Hello
15:05You you've been to wolverhampton. I am from wolverhampton. Okay, so jeff's there for a couple of days. Let's give
15:11him a full schedule
15:12I'd like it laminated. Where should he go?
15:15Jeff what you should do is you should get off the train in wolverhampton immediately get back on and leave
15:21A couple of hours. Okay, is there somewhere delicious? No, it's great. Wolverhampton's absolutely great. We have uh, we have
15:38a nando's
15:38Oh, what? A nando's chicken. It's a chicken restaurant. It's a chicken place. But being on tour there's always something
15:44to do
15:44Well, yes, no, I love going around britain on tour always a little museum. There's a pencil museum
15:51Yes, very interested in what do you mean? I love pencils. There's a lot of shop mannequins
16:00What's your pencil of choice number? What is it? I used to I used to once I go to my
16:04criminal period when I was
16:07Eight or nine fine. I stole yeah other kids pencils
16:11We had those desks that went like that. Yes, you know when everybody was going out in a line
16:15I'd be the last one and I'd wait behind
16:16I'd open up desks and I'd steal their pencils
16:20I hoarded and collected pencils until one day somebody went jeffrey has all our pencils and then it was very
16:26embarrassing and I'm cured
16:28I'm a very honest
16:30No stealing because the way your face lit up at the sound of a pencil music. I hope there is
16:36a pencil museum now
16:37Do you like a classic hb? Do you like ones that you can?
16:41No, I don't like a mechanical pencil. I'm very particular with my ballpoint pen can I throw this into the
16:49mix?
16:50Because this is going to blow your mind. There is a woman here in this room who designs
16:56pencils
17:05Amy are you here?
17:07Amy tell me what you do with pencils and and stationary all round
17:14So I develop new types of pencils
17:17Develop new types of pencils
17:19Do you because we don't want to upset him because he's our very special guest. Do you do the
17:25pencils? We have one. Yes. Well, I'm open-minded, but I don't like them
17:32What's the best thing if that's not too much pressure that you have ever designed?
17:36So our best pencil is the drawing pencil which has the creamiest
17:43Oh, it's creamy. It's the creamiest pencil and has the widest core
17:47Does that mean the lead that goes through it?
17:50Yes, is there a pencil museum because I'm did I make it up?
17:54There is it's in the lake district lake district. Are you going to the lake district?
17:58I am now
17:59Oh
18:00I'm going
18:04Thank you, Amy. How brilliant that you're here. Let's have a round of applause for Amy
18:10Can I say you know you remind me of the other you the touring around england in plays you all
18:16know that play
18:17I'm sure the dresser. Oh, yes
18:19Yes, lovely play
18:22And then and then anthony hopkins and ian mckellen redid it in a remake ian mckellen made me eggs
18:28what
18:32A little salmon on the side, yes
18:40Sit down
18:41And a proper proper dining table yeah, just the two of you just no no no
18:49It was a group of people gosh, did you do all the eggs at once or did you do them
18:52personally?
18:54Personally that's very bespoke
18:57I tell you that's how you get the night
18:59I had scrambled eggs and smoked salmon this morning
19:06About two hours ago we started talking about night blooms
19:09And I would just like to lift this up and say when when is it out june 5th there we
19:14go
19:15Wow
19:15Night blooms
19:18Brilliant
19:19Jeff no you are amazing
19:22Um jennifer we have to talk about your film the magic far away
19:26Well you're saying my film i'm in the film no it's your film okay
19:30Let's have a clip it's just like you said it's enchanted and wonderful
19:35Dad and I just felt like a place like this i'm gonna bring us all back together again
19:39Grandma i will get them back to the city if it is the last thing i do
19:43Sorry guys better start packing
19:48You wish to cross the lands to locate a spell to save your house from your evil grandma
19:55We know all of this you know all that because we just told you it all right no need to
20:01get shirty
20:07It's just a lovely film
20:10How much fun was it to me just so much fun gone a great wig
20:14I see your hair a really good wig we just have a look oh my god look at this wig
20:20look at
20:21There she is
20:22That's the hair i want
20:24I love the fact that we're flapping
20:25I want that hair
20:26You see nothing it's so thick and it just stays in that shape
20:32I love it because now you see this is sven most of this is there's a most of a sort
20:37of a nun's hair
20:39Has been woven into in sort of extensions that are you know nuns sell their hair and they get made
20:44into extensions they do
20:52I'm just agreeing because it's jennifer whatever she says
20:57Um i but i love the accent i love everything about frida how did she how was she created
21:03Because i thought it was a small part i wouldn't have to do very much and but they said will
21:07you come in for rehearsal
21:08And i went yeah of course and it was with andrew garfield and claire foy and the children and i
21:13thought
21:13Oh this is quite this big time you know because you've sort of been grappled into this big movie
21:19And um i thought i better i better try hard
21:23But i had no idea what was going to come out of my mouth when i first opened my mouth
21:28And i thought you know i might go a little bit danish because i can make
21:33Because i can make the danish noises do you know the ticket yes
21:38It's almost fluent yes
21:44So i put a little inflection of danish into when i read the part and when we'd finished they went
21:51we love the german and i went
21:54No i said i was sort of more j no german's good german's good i thought damn yeah i had
22:00to do the whole i had to learn
22:00A german accent then and do the whole thing in german but it gave me the character yes it's lovely
22:06so lovely you guys are so good at accents the preparedness that
22:10You've given you've been given in in schools is amazing and you have to show up before you say what
22:16i'm not training you
22:19It's extraordinary i mean they can throw on an american accent immediately and like refine it so it's midwestern there's
22:26a new york
22:26What period time period is but also do all these other ones it's really i'm very impressed i admire that
22:32terrific i admire
22:33You're a great artist
22:37Can you do a london accent not really
22:46I want to talk more about the film because the location is so beautiful tell me you were
22:52You were somewhere lovely we were in a very lovely part of the countryside yeah um and near a wood
22:59Near a wood because it is called the magic far away tree it is about a tree that's magic and
23:03very far away
23:04You don't know where it was i don't know where it was i think it was in a studio but
23:09there we are
23:10Never mind um
23:14There is somebody here because i believe you also have a place in the countryside yes there is there is
23:19somebody who lives i think in your neck of the woods
23:21Is that scary slightly
23:25They go on they do something rather magical in my hood it's i believe it is in your hood okay
23:31anna hello
23:32What have you done this week so my neighbors and i have been helping toads cross the road
23:37To prevent them getting squashed by the cars as they're migrating to their pond
23:41To breed and we've had i think we've helped about a thousand toads in the last few weeks
23:46Wow a thousand toads
23:48That saved a thousand toads
23:52Wow are you are you
23:56Is it like directing like like signs no signposts no signposts so i have my head torch and my gloves
24:04and a bucket
24:04And we pick them up off the road we put them in the bucket and we help them to get
24:09to the gate near the pond
24:10So they're not going to be on the road have you thought about building i don't know a tunnel
24:16Did they say i know this is a word question but i've committed to it did they say thank you
24:23No but they have the most beautiful little chirping sound you can hear them when it's a really quiet evening
24:29You can hear them kind of chirping chirping chirping in the pond and they're really amazing they're very sweet very
24:34very good hey
24:40Hey do you know the end of that pt anderson movie who did this year's one battle after another
24:45Oh yeah i know yeah of course magnolia
24:48Magnolia where all the toads or frogs you know come you fall from the sky
24:53Spoiler alert jeff spoiler alert
24:54Happens right at the end steve steve if you feel cut that into
25:00I love it
25:04If you could save one animal
25:07Oh what would have been i would save a horse would you yes well i'd need the hair for my
25:12extensions
25:12I'd have to be chopping off
25:15Yes i think for the hair because you know for the hooves yeah for the mental health
25:24What would you say you know what none of them
25:29You know people say oh it's so relaxing to go and spend time in nature
25:33But you look closely all they're doing is eating each other
25:37It's disgusting you watch those david attenborough films horrifying
25:41People love it don't they put it on while they're having their tea a lion
25:45Ripping a gazelle to shreds
25:48You know they fall asleep while they're watching a dolphin drown a whale
25:54Horrible why would you save any of them i think the sooner we get rid of them the better
26:06It's a different view that's and i think that's what this show is about correct
26:11It's very it's like question time but for drunk celebrities
26:18Okay jennifer where can we see the magic faraway tree i think it's out on march the 27th correct
26:24Yes we can't wait we'll all go
26:32Vanessa i have to talk to you about the devil wears prada i went on friday every seat is full
26:38And they are screaming and when you come up the most beautiful thing people are like
26:44Somebody who was like in tears screaming standing up it's a thing it's like a rock concert yeah
26:51Describe the show just for anyone who doesn't know well uh there's a young girl named andy sax who is
26:56a journalist
26:57based on a true story and
27:00She lives in new york she applies for a job at runway magazine which is a very famous fashion magazine
27:08aka vogue and she has no idea who miranda priestly is nor her reputation
27:13And she gets the job as the assistant and now they're doing a sequel to the movie i know
27:18Who knows what's going to happen this time
27:22Let's have a clip of the devil wears prada star oh my god
27:27What if i don't want this life everybody wants to be us
27:32You're a devil wears prada star oh my god
27:42You're a devil wears prada star oh my god
27:48That's all
27:57It's it's fun i can show up and be in a bad mood and not care because i can just
28:02be miserable the whole time
28:03And it doesn't matter just makes the world better but you know
28:06I have to say it's i love this country and i got a chance to meet the king like you
28:13know
28:13I've done things not just as a tourist and not just as a working actor but these extraordinary experiences
28:20You know i did the royal variety show i mean it's it's been it's been heaven
28:25How much fun was it working with elton oh my god i mean
28:29Not only is he a legend and you know growing up listening to his music and going to his house
28:34in windsor again
28:35Stop another opportunity that i you know a normal tourist would never get you know
28:40Oh i don't know
28:45You are living the life he he's so honest that's what i love about him he's so frank and the
28:51first time i met him
28:52We were uh doing the workshop in january 2024 and he had just had his first knee surgery and i
28:59walked into the
29:00Rehearsal room and his sweats were down by his ankles and he was showing everybody his scar but all i
29:05saw was his bum
29:06I was like yeah okay good yeah we're gonna be friends um what about the dressing rooms the difference between
29:13broadway if you like and the west end on broadway you can uh
29:16Choose your well you can choose your paint color and and rug color yeah stop yeah yeah yeah
29:22Dark teal yeah
29:26Yes yeah is that coffee mocha mocha i don't like colors being called after drinks that's the
29:35Trudy
29:40I'm quite frightened it's not a good nice cone well cognac's beautiful to drink obviously but um
29:47Yeah we just had an old-fashioned before we came on
29:54This is what i love vanessa i'm just sharing this with the group you have something rather special on your
29:59rider
30:00And it is a dog now i agree when you look at vanessa beautiful like sort of absolutely gorgeous that
30:08Brain structure you think small a little like a powder puff of a dog on a top of cushion
30:14Yeah ladies and gentlemen meet roscoe yeah
30:18Oh wow wow there he is
30:21Roscoe is that a great dane yeah
30:24Yeah he is so beautiful and he comes to comes every show yeah he's got his giant bed next to
30:32my
30:32Makeup table look at him he's amazing yeah he's enormous he's a great dane he's a great dane
30:38I had a great dane what i can't remember his name but uh
30:43The name is the joke it's a proper joke
30:46What's his name?
30:48Roscoe like roscoe chicken and waffles i love roscoe chicken and waffles
30:52Roscoe lee brown you didn't know roscoe lee brown did you i know who he was but it wasn't
30:56What's going on?
30:57I don't know
30:58I don't know
31:00I want my ham i want my ham trains two trains running
31:05I saw roscoe lee brown anyway it does it does feel sometimes like i'm in a nursing home
31:20There was this talk of this roscoe fella that nobody knew except you guys knew him very well
31:25Chicken and waffles and the dog and the bit of the cognac
31:31I am older than I realize
31:35So to be clear you have roscoe you have woody you love your dog we have woody so we have
31:41three
31:41Dogs yeah do you have a dog of course i have a dog i breastfeed him
31:45Now that's not i do
31:50Tom you i believe you're on the fence regarding a dog i would love a dog but i worry about
31:54having a dog
31:55Because i'm away a lot and um they're obviously a big responsibility but i would like a dog
31:59Shall we tip the scales
32:00Well yeah i'd like that to meet a dog oh my god please welcome percy
32:07No way
32:17This is heather who owns percy look how can you not
32:30Hang on i feel like this isn't fair you've got treats for him he's never good
32:34Oh
32:36Would you like a little treat lively like a little treat come on then
32:38Come on come on sit on this is tom no never he's more interested in you this is the story
32:43of my life
32:43I mean he's just yet box-lander dog
32:45Come on seven
32:48Look he's taken to you look at that
32:53Yeah you wanna go and live with me you wanna come and live with me
32:56You can have a dog like that i don't know whether you can take this dog he's your dog he's
33:02your dog
33:02Yeah okay he needs to leave thank you so much thank you percy thank you
33:05You're fine
33:07Yes you're right
33:08Hi percy
33:09You got attached to it already what do you think
33:12I mean i don't think he actually like me that much don't take it on lightly
33:16Unless you can commit to a lifelong responsibility you're right and i spend a lot of money on furniture
33:22So will they i don't want them weeing up against it thank you so much so vanessa devil wears prada
33:28is on
33:30Until when and where please we are at the dominion theater i am going to be there till october 17th
33:36and the show will run
33:38Definitely until next year for sure
33:40Okay
33:40Thank you thank you
33:47I'm going i commit right now to attend every show until you're out of it i'm going to be in
33:51every show
33:52When you're not in wolverhampton i've been having a chicken wrap
33:57Tom you are going to musical theater you're about to star in titan yes indeed and i'm i'm very
34:03there we go
34:04oh god that's set sail
34:06it is
34:08Tell us all about it well it is the most extraordinary show i saw it when it first opened over
34:14here it started in america
34:15it's like the most ridiculous retelling of the film titanic
34:19um
34:20and it's as though celine dion was actually on board the ship of dreams and she got drunk and this
34:26is how
34:26she remembers the story of titanic and it's told through her songs so celine dion is the narrator in the
34:33in the show
34:34so that's kind of bonkers enough as it is and then added on to that is you've got people like
34:38me who play um
34:40you know rose the kate winslet character uh her mother is ruth and that's played by me so um
34:46and and not really in period dress at all just i have an alice band on with some birds attached
34:50to it
34:51don't ask why just enjoy it and it's just such bonkers fun we're all coming well i think you would
34:57all
34:57love it i think there's something about it that's just kind of out of this world it's just joy
35:00just joy for a couple of hours you can't wait where's it on it's on at the criterion theater
35:06and um i'm in it until the 12th of april but it's booking through until until june we can't wait
35:11to
35:11sit thank you thank you one person please come on
35:18tom is it true that your theater is haunted well they say there's a man in the circle who sometimes
35:25walks across and i thought i saw him but it turned out it was just the lighting man
35:30there um i think there are there are stories about him there but the more you look for him i
35:34think
35:34the less he's going to appear right it's like it's like a husband isn't it yeah there's supposed to be
35:41one in the dominion her name is eleanor she was uh like 10 years old and there used to be
35:46some giant
35:46beer vat or some kind of brewery in the in the bottom and there was an explosion and beer apparently
35:53flooded that whole tottenham court area no and this was a young girl that died in this flood of beer
36:00and she is a 10 year old daughter uh girl absolute drunk
36:10the drury lane theater there used to be just the bottom half of a man sitting in a seat sometimes
36:16no yes would you like to chat to somebody who converses with ghosts yes yes maxi hello hello what is
36:27your advice to tom he's going to be performing singing he looks up to the circle should he bow what
36:35happens when you see when you see them i think if you want to see this ghost you can ask
36:41i mean they
36:42they will reveal themselves to you spirit when you say reveal themselves as in show um as in show their
36:51spirit body oh my goodness could i be on my own when i ask or well i don't think that
36:58matters really
36:59it doesn't matter i just think the cleaner is sometimes there so how brave are you feeling are
37:06you happy to see them if they appear in front of you well i suppose how do you know if
37:09they're if
37:10they're a malevolent spirit or or well like you know you're you're a good chap aren't you i mean you
37:14know generally about your performance you're the kind of person that's not got a good energy yourself
37:24you know you're you're kind of an evil person you're acting in no no no i know i know but
37:30if you were
37:31you can then attract beings that aren't so nice well it seems like a lot of pressure now
37:38will you let us know please well i will but not if it's a bad spirit it will reflect terribly
37:44badly
37:44on me a parent a parent's evening like i did my best when was the last time you spoke to
37:53a spirit um
37:55yesterday um i did a reading for somebody and i see them and they talk to me wow is there
38:00anyone here
38:01oh i'm not working right now and i think that's the misconception oh i like the way you just clock
38:05on
38:06what is that
38:20hey you know in this life you turned it to an angle you know who you look like go on
38:25very young
38:26handsome john travolta yes correct correct until i was just sitting here a moment ago when you were
38:35talking to the spirit lady yeah oh my goodness and i was possessed by the spirit of john travolta since
38:42he shaved his head uh tom you have also written a very brilliant book oh well it's a novel your
38:49first
38:50novel first novel uh common decency tell us all about it well i i've written two non-fiction books
38:56about myself and this is the first time i've created a world and some characters in to inhabit it um
39:02and
39:02i wanted to write about suburbia because um i think it's sort of boring place that everybody ignores
39:07but actually i've realized that's where all drama happens but it's about the sort of secrets and lies
39:12that exist in our kind of otherwise quite mundane life so i wanted to i just i like the idea
39:18of kind of
39:18well i live in suburbia now i live in bromley which is kind of archetypally suburban and i like
39:22and i'm on a whatsapp group and i've come to love all those trappings of you know people on do
39:27you
39:27have a whatsapp group you know with your neighbors oh where they all like you know it's supposed to
39:30be to help your neighbors but it's just you know a load of you know idiots shouting nonsense into the
39:35wind and how often do you do you ever post no i just like to watch the only time i
39:40like it is when
39:40people say they're putting out furniture on their driveway something which i like to call street tapas
39:48i love that i like you know but i like the sort of community aspect of it i've always enjoyed
39:57that
39:57kind of thing of it all i'm loving your face jenny oh you love to run over those toads
40:05you've put your foot down oh you do whatsapp groups i i i can't whatsapp groups are the bane of
40:14my
40:14life really bear them can you like do you like a whatsapp group i like one of the family i
40:19like
40:19this one just my family is enough but then when they start having private conversations within the
40:25whatsapp group disgusting you then get a ping and it's just a fucking emoji i just can't bear them
40:33yeah unless it's family family family is fine and if it's if you've got one thing like it's a holiday
40:38or something and then it's got its purpose but don't mince about within it fine keep it strict fine i
40:46like it
40:48um there's a character in your book that i love oh called miranda oh yes well i talk about well
40:55i've
40:55tried to write about different generations as well because again i like the way that people mix in in
41:00the best part in the best parts of uh suburbia and miranda is somebody who's whose true past isn't
41:06really known however she is a somebody who even though she's in her 80s wants to experience all of
41:11life she's had a bucket list and now she has a different sort of list you can say it her
41:15bucket
41:16list oh and that includes things like taking acid because i just sort of think if i make it to
41:23an
41:23old age rather than sort of going out with a whimper wouldn't it be great to experience acid or to
41:30try
41:31all those things you never thought you could try before why not dawn and i my friend dawn french and
41:35i
41:35once thought we'd be really daring and we got an ecstasy tablet oh goodness me and we thought we
41:42could take well i think it was something with a rabbit on it it was about that big and we
41:47thought
41:47one day i said well be alone it became such a matter of planning as to when we could take
41:53half
41:55an ecstasy tablet and so we kept it and kept it on dawn's mantelpiece like that and then one day
42:02just about six months later when we've gone okay right we're ready we had water we had we didn't
42:08know what to expect at all the pill had gone no your dog was looking lively that day and it
42:19was quite
42:19relieved yeah you were like thank goodness thank god we don't do that anymore yeah no drugs for us
42:24the dog was out in the garden jumping up and down having sex with the dragon um this brilliant book
42:31is out
42:32when please it's out on the 21st of may and you can pre-order it right now am i allowed
42:37to give this
42:37to jeff i won't keep it i'm not keeping it it's not like the puppy dog really here tell me
42:41when to stop
42:42uh there left or right left uh tell me when to stop now uh we all need to discuss the
42:52planning
42:53application of course interrupted donald i assume that's what this is all about we are going to need
42:58to take action if the rumors are true about changing the area i love it there are definitely
43:06moments of exposition you have to realize you have to cover it right that is it i just want to
43:13check
43:13do you feel like you've covered everything is there anything you want to sell a bit harder i don't
43:28i say that to a guest not tonight at another on another occasion because my curiosity has been
43:33inflamed by this audience by you and by this group my god tom anything else um i went to buy
43:41rotisserie
43:41chicken yesterday for lunch and they sold out before lunch time who is having a rotisserie chicken for
43:49breakfast some people are perverts well thank you all we are so grateful uh we are off to eat salami
43:58happy
43:59with that yeah good i would like to thank my utterly brilliant guests tom allen
44:14we are back next week and i'll be joined by joanne mcnally gus khan and niall horan thank you so
44:21much for
44:21watching good night
44:51good night
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