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The Last Leg Season 34 Episode 10
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FunTranscript
00:05Thank you for letting us be ourselves
00:07So don't mind me if I repeat myself
00:09Be simple, I'll be good for your health
00:11Keep them fine rhymes on the shelf
00:14Live my life like you just don't care
00:16Live but I believe it's never scared
00:19Rain and noise is the moment they fear
00:21Get up, still a beautiful idea
00:23Get up, throw your hands in the air
00:25Get up, you're shit
00:39Put on your Easter bonnet, make room for chocolate
00:42And cross your hot buns
00:43It's Friday, we're live and it's time for the last leg
00:47Tonight on the show, we'll hold space for the Artemis Moon mission
00:51Set the record straight about Iran
00:53And kick off our excitement at the upcoming World Cup
00:57Plus we'll be joined by comedian Josh Pugh
01:00TV legend Lorraine Kelly
01:01And online football sensation Steve Bracknell
01:04On the show that likes to let you know
01:07What's really behind the news
01:18G'day, I'm Adam Hills
01:21Welcome to The Last Leg
01:22The show that heard Marmite is going to be sold to an American company
01:25And thought some people will hate that deal
01:27But others will probably like it
01:29With me as always with the pride of Dartmoor, Josh Whittacombe
01:32And the man who's surprising his kids this Sunday
01:33With an Easter leg hunt
01:37Alex Brooker
01:45Loads of news to cover tonight
01:46I want to start with the news that OK we got this week from Carolyn
01:49Who said, is it OK that Josh likes to keep socks down his trousers?
01:54That's not Caroline of course, an ex-girlfriend
01:57Do you want to explain what that's like?
01:59Sorry?
02:00Do you want to explain what that's like?
02:01Oh yeah, sorry, yeah, I didn't hear what, I was laughing at a joke
02:03I didn't hear what you said
02:03Oh, the amount of times I've heard that
02:07So this week I was coming back from a tour show
02:10Yep
02:11The usual way I kind of de-stress after tour shows
02:14I sit in the back of the car and I have a bowl of shreddies
02:19From a Tupperware box
02:21You are rock and roll
02:23I've always said
02:24Yeah, Jerry Seinfeld called he wants his lifestyle back
02:28And then I put my hand on my leg and I was like
02:30That feels thick, that um
02:32No, come on
02:35Oh that's a shame
02:36The family show
02:38The material
02:39And then I was like
02:40There's something there
02:41And I put my hand
02:42Because obviously normally you'd go up
02:44But I was like, it's too
02:45So I put my
02:46I'll be honest, I ended my flies Adam
02:48Right
02:49Yeah
02:49And I put my hand in and I pulled out a sock
02:53Like that
02:55It didn't bounce with that amount of
02:58But
02:58The driver must have looked in his rear view mirror and thought
03:00Fuck me, he's enjoying them shreddies
03:04Or he thought he takes his socks off in a weird way
03:08So I've gone my whole day
03:10Yeah
03:11I've been with my family in the day
03:12And then I've done the whole gig
03:13With a sock in the gusset of my trousers
03:16That I hadn't known was there
03:18You didn't need the word gusset, did you?
03:19No, you didn't really
03:21I saw you flinch when I said gusset
03:24I always put my face in it then
03:26It's been down my trousers
03:27I love that you're going
03:28Oh, it was purely an accident
03:29There was a sock down my trousers
03:32There seemed to be an aubergine down there as well
03:34It wasn't like a rolled up football sock
03:36It was like just a normal sock
03:38Well look, we talked about this during the week
03:40And knowing this, I've got you an end of series present
03:42Yes?
03:42It's just there to your right
03:43If you'd like to open it up
03:44It's a pair of googly eyes that you can stick on
03:46Oh, that's nice
03:48That's nice
03:49So let me stick these on
03:50Yep
03:51Where do I stick this
03:52So if I was to stick one there
03:53What's my end of series present?
03:55Oh, I've got you some googly fingers
04:04So I just do it like this
04:09Oh, look
04:10There you go
04:11Hello
04:12Oh, amazing
04:13That is actually
04:14Do you know what?
04:15Hello
04:17What was it like in Josh's pants?
04:20I don't kiss and tell
04:21How was this gig?
04:25Do you know what?
04:26He absolutely smashed it
04:28And if you do want to go a good night out
04:30He's still on tour
04:33And let me be clear
04:34There is tickets available in Griffith
04:36Did he treat you well down there?
04:38Erm
04:39Yes
04:40I am
04:41Do you know what?
04:42What?
04:43Why have you got such a weird voice?
04:46Which one of us
04:47Is that true?
04:49I feel like Kermit's getting a seat and desist letter out
04:53Alright, let's move on with the show
04:55Before we move on
04:56I don't normally say this
04:57But I do need to do up my flies
05:00So just carry on, Hilsey
05:01Okay
05:02We are live
05:03So send us any questions you want to ask us about the news
05:07Sorry
05:08I just pretended to catch my foreskin, sorry
05:11In much enough it was finally the bit of his body he lost
05:17Message us on Instagram
05:18The hashtags is it okay?
05:20WhatsApp the numbers
05:2207956175908
05:23Or scan the QR code on the screen
05:24For example, Ree said
05:25Is it okay that someone has made a break for it
05:27With 12 tons of Kit Kats?
05:30Yes, more than 400,000 Kit Kats went missing this week
05:33When a truck carrying the new range set off from central Italy
05:36But never reached its final destination in Poland
05:39The brand issues a statement saying it's not a stunt
05:41And asked consumers to scan barcodes to help them find the stolen chocolate
05:47I mean I don't know how that's going to help
05:48Most thieves will have melted them down by now
05:52Can I say how nice it is to do a story about missing fingers on this show
05:56And it's not to do with me
06:02News of the high sparked an online race
06:04Other companies issued their own statements like this cheeky post from Domino's
06:07Said we would like to share our thoughts and condolences with Kit Kat
06:10Following their recent sad news
06:11On a completely unrelated note
06:13We're pleased to announce we'll now be selling a new Kit Kat pizza
06:18Yes
06:20You know how they can find the thieves
06:22How?
06:23Don't you?
06:23Just get a bounty hunter
06:25Oh lovely
06:28Lovely
06:28You know what?
06:32That is not my kind of humour
06:37Unsurprisingly Domino's started a chain reaction
06:39That led to this amusing post from Ryanair
06:44So I've got a lot of questions about that
06:46Firstly why has the plane taken a bite out of one end of the Kit Kat
06:49Then put the other end in its mouth
06:51And also why are there five fingers?
06:55Which is a question we often ask on this show
06:58Alright let's get into the big story now
07:00And as fuel prices continue to rise
07:01Stock markets continue to fall
07:03Catherine said
07:04Is it okay that NASA have finally launched the new mission to the moon?
07:08Yes it is
07:08We all need something different and happier to lighten the world at the moment
07:11Yes Catherine
07:12The American government proved they can do something right this week
07:15As NASA launched a mission to the moon
07:18The first time they did this was in 1968
07:20When America led an ill-advised war in Vietnam
07:23Which had no exit strategy and ultimately made a mess of the region
07:27Thankfully this time things are different
07:30The ten day mission will take astronauts around the moon
07:33As they look for a location to build a potential base from which to explore Mars
07:36Not so much a place in the sun as a place on the dark side of the moon
07:40I stayed up and watched this
07:42You did
07:42I was so excited about it on Wednesday night
07:44Did you guys watch it?
07:45Well you remember the first one of course
07:49Sorry
07:50Sorry
07:51So close but not quite
07:54No I didn't
07:55Did you watch it?
07:57I think it's bad at how jaded I am
08:00And how jaded we are as a generation
08:02Yeah
08:03That in the
08:041969 was it?
08:05People stayed up and watched it
08:06Yeah
08:07And I watched it
08:08The next day
08:09On my phone
08:11While having a piss
08:14I watched it
08:15I watched it on my phone
08:15Well what I love most is the next
08:17The next thing it took me to on the algorithm
08:19Was just more dash cam footage
08:22Is everyone going to go from that to someone having a rocket cut them up
08:25What I love most about this story
08:27Yeah
08:27Is it's Easter weekend
08:29And it's quicker and easier for those astronauts to go round the moon and back
08:33Than what it is to get a train from London to Manchester Piccadilly
08:43And look there's a lot to be cynical about in the world right now but it's nice to know the
08:46launch of a rocket can still reduce a professional journalist to tears of joy
08:49Here's the incredible moment the BBC science editor Rebecca Morell was blown away by the launch almost literally
08:57Oh my goodness
08:58Oh my goodness
09:04Oh my goodness
09:07That is spectacular
09:09It's not just what you see and you hear the rocket lifts off
09:13You can actually feel the force of it through your body
09:17This is the most powerful rocket that NASA has ever built
09:23Oh my goodness
09:26That is amazing
09:27It is amazing
09:28That's what I was like when I saw the Backstreet Boys in Vegas
09:34I mean a British reporter hasn't been that excited by a piece of machinery since this energetic clip
09:41Holy shit
09:47Oh my goodness
09:49Oh my goodness
09:52This is like you when you open your Tupperware box
09:54There is one of him standing under the rocket blast that's actually quite distressing
10:01Look some of the stats around this launch are incredible
10:03The rocket known as Artemis 2 was the same height as Big Ben
10:07The core stage of liftoff burnt through 2.8 million litres of propellant
10:11and it will end up travelling the furthest from Earth that any human has ever been.
10:15I read that, but also basically what NASA, kind of the way they've explained the route it's taken is
10:20they basically said it's going to take a similar trajectory as Apollo 13.
10:25It's like, don't use that as the example.
10:28Just go to the astronauts. Well, the good news is Tom Hanks has already signed up to play you.
10:34It's going to land in a similar place to the Titanic, I think.
10:40And look, credit where credit's due, when Donald Trump came into office,
10:43he signed an executive order calling for Americans to return to the moon by the end of 2028.
10:47So it must be kind of conflicting for the US president, because on the one hand,
10:50America is exploring space again, but it's also the most diverse NASA crew to ever leave Earth's orbit.
10:56It features the first woman and the first person of colour to travel to the moon.
11:01Now that I say that, it sounds like it might be a trap.
11:05You know what I mean? Considering the third astronaut's Canadian,
11:07if the fourth one's trans, this might be the most elaborate deportation ever.
11:13What's tricky for NASA is that due to Trump's ban on mentioning diversity,
11:17they can't make a big deal about the first person of colour or the first woman to fly to the
11:21moon.
11:21They have to call them the first person who's allowed to fist bump Obama
11:25and the first person who never likes the temperature of any room.
11:29When is the first sock going to the moon?
11:34Are we liking this character or is it running?
11:36No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
11:38no, no, no, keep it, keep it on.
11:40Okay.
11:40Every now and again I see something that makes me glad I don't have big hands and this is...
11:48The ultimate indignity for a government that's critical of inclusion is that the area between
11:52the Earth's orbit and the moon is called cislunar space, and the operation they pulled off last
11:57night was called a translunar injection.
12:00I mean, the only thing that would make it worse is if they were travelling in the starship
12:03they-them to prize.
12:06And not only is there an African-American man on board, Victor Glover is the pilot.
12:11Look, it says a lot about the state of America, that it's the only journey he can make without
12:14the risk of being pulled over.
12:19By the way, Victor Glover's call sign is Ike, I-K-E, which stands for I Know Everything,
12:23but does he know he's an embarrassing dad?
12:26Because this gorgeous family photo is giving cringe.
12:31That's actually his living room, and what he's done is he's just been wearing the suit since
12:35he got the job.
12:36I like to think he's just been in the house just going, and it's just like, come on, Victor,
12:42are you making the kids late for school then?
12:44It looks like he's the only one who remembered World Book Day.
12:52It's not often you can create history and be a full kit wanker at the same time.
12:56And look, they are creating history.
12:57I genuinely got chills when this emotional final send-off was given to the astronauts.
13:02On this historic mission, you take with you the heart of this Artemis team, the daring spirit
13:10of the American people and our partners across the globe, and the hopes and dreams of a new
13:16generation.
13:18Good luck.
13:19Godspeed, Artemis II.
13:21Let's go.
13:24It's fine, but they never have any banter.
13:28That's what I always think, they're always trying to talk as if it's going to go on, like,
13:31some sort of monument or something, where I think they just don't have any workplace banter.
13:35Like, I'd love to hear, just imagine doing the count like, five, four, fuck, what's that
13:39bit of metal that's falling off the top?
13:40Three, two, the snow coming out of the top?
13:43Only fucking about have you one.
13:44Have a good one, guys.
13:47This was the emotive moment when each of the astronauts gave their final words.
13:52Thank you, Charlie.
13:54This is Victor.
13:55We are going for our families.
13:57MS-1.
13:59This is Christina.
14:00We are going for our teammates.
14:03MS-2.
14:04This is Jeremy.
14:06We are going for all humanity.
14:09That's lovely, but you reckon the first two were like, oh, give it a rest, Jeremy.
14:14Family, teammates, you don't have to bring humanity into war.
14:17Ooh, look at me, I'm doing this for humanity.
14:21We have to spend ten days with this prick.
14:23I'm going to start doing that when I'm at work.
14:25Just go, I'm doing blankety-blank for humanity.
14:28You're doing that for humanity?
14:30I'm doing that for humanity.
14:32I just think he's not doing it for humanity, is he?
14:34He's not doing it for me.
14:35If you want to do something for humanity, like, get McDonald's to bring back the McRib.
14:41The crew will be in a cramped space the size of two small camper vans for ten days,
14:45passing around the moon on day six.
14:48There was a tense moment for the astronauts when a fault was found with the onboard toilet.
14:52In fact, it was with the toilet fan.
14:54Oh, it was in fact, cos I just imagined, like, one of the astronauts just coming out going,
14:58I'll give that a couple of light years.
15:01Would it be bad to crack a window?
15:03Is it working?
15:04Is it working?
15:06The toilet itself costs around $17 million and comes with foot restraints and ear protectors.
15:13Oh, I thought the $70 million was just for a plumber to do that call out.
15:18The ear protectors are for the person on the toilet or the other people?
15:23The toilet makes such a loud noise because at zero gravity it has to basically suck all the waste and
15:30take it away.
15:30So it makes a loud noise and you need ear protectors.
15:33Oh.
15:34I don't know why you need foot restraints.
15:36My, I'm assuming, I'm assuming it's so that you don't, I mean literally launch yourself across the room.
15:46If it's, I don't, I don't want to speak for everyone, but if it's providing that much propulsion for other
15:51people, I'm doing it wrong.
15:54But I mean it's zero gravity, it can't, it's got a, I mean, what happens when you fart in space?
16:00Like, you can't hide it if you've just shot across the room.
16:06That one was for humanity.
16:10The toilet is a step up from past Apollo missions which saw astronauts taping a bag to their own buttocks.
16:17Jesus Christ.
16:18Oh my God.
16:19Yeah.
16:19That moonwalk feels a bit different now.
16:21New Armstrong.
16:22We've got a bag take to his arse, aren't we?
16:25One small bag for man.
16:28One giant man for piss.
16:30One giant man, one giant bag.
16:32There was a famous line uttered on board Apollo 10 and this is a direct quote,
16:36Give me a napkin quick, there's a turd floating through the air.
16:41Why have they got napkins up there in the first place for fine dining?
16:45I hate to catch turds probably.
16:48I don't really know.
16:48Why else would you use napkin?
16:50Is that why they give me them a prat?
16:53The astronauts were interviewed overnight and they explained how they sleep in this fascinating clip.
16:59Sleeping here is, it's actually sort of comical.
17:02Christina has been sleeping heads down in the middle of the vehicle, kind of like a bat suspended from our
17:07docking tunnel.
17:08Victor's been up where Jeremy is right now, he's got a nice little nook wedged in there.
17:12And then Jeremy has been stretched out on seat one and I've been sleeping under the displays just in case
17:18anything goes wrong.
17:19It's more comfortable than you would think.
17:21And it's nice to sleep in weightlessness again.
17:25Every time I was dozing off last night I had that image that I was tripping off a curb and
17:28I was waking myself up.
17:30So my body's getting re-acclimated, it's been a few years since I've been up here.
17:34I was hoping when he got to himself he goes, and I sleep naked.
17:41What's my bollocks doing? Zero gravity.
17:46Before the trip crew member Reid Wiseman said, quote, there are definitely going to be things by day six, seven,
17:50eight, nine that we're like, man alright I need a little space and I can't get any right now.
17:55And then said, like clicking a pen cap can annoy somebody over ten days in a small capsule.
17:59Which begs the question, what would we be like in space?
18:02Imagine him trying to dodge loads of floating legs.
18:06Gay sex, the socks just float out of my trousers.
18:10I like the idea of you going, Alex, we can't, the radio, we're not able to get back to Hoosie.
18:15It's like, no sorry mate, I changed it to Kishtry earlier.
18:19I like the idea you've waited 21 years for Arsenal to win the league and then you're trapped in space.
18:25Alright, let's move on.
18:27No, Josh has already made that joke, move on.
18:30I think it's fair to say the mission to the moon has brought out the child in all of us.
18:33Sorry, I was going to make a joke, Josh had already done it and I was like, well, there's no
18:37point doing the same sock joke again.
18:39The only difference is I was going to do your impersonation.
18:41I was going to be, is there a bit of sock down here?
18:44In fact, I was doing the voice as well.
18:47NASA even had an initiative in which members of the public could send their names around the moon on an
18:52SD card.
18:53So you sign up and they take an SD card and they take it around the moon.
18:57Your name goes around the moon.
18:59They even put out a boarding pass that looked like this.
19:01Now we know that's what it looks like because one member of our production crew actually did it for her
19:06and her kids.
19:07Oh.
19:08And her seven year old is still pissed off that she's not actually going to the moon for Easter.
19:15And when you look into what they're actually doing, it's amazing because the precision needed to do what they're doing
19:19is absolutely remarkable.
19:21Have a look at this fascinating clip.
19:22It shows the magnitude of trying to coordinate a rocket from Earth that loops around a moving target.
19:29Okay, so there's the rocket going around Earth.
19:31It heads towards where the moon should be.
19:33It hasn't come into shot yet because it's orbiting the Earth.
19:35Here it comes.
19:37How close is that?
19:39These astronauts are basically combining physics, chemistry, mathematics and darts.
19:46The way it looked is, it kind of looked like, you know when like your Uber driver takes a really
19:50long route home?
19:52You just go, have you got ways mate?
19:55Is he doing another drop off before me?
19:58It's almost impossible to put into words what they're managing to achieve, but I think the final word should go
20:02to this excitable boy in America, who managed to sum it all up beautifully.
20:07Why do you want to be here? Why do you love space? Why do you love being a part of
20:12history?
20:13We're going back to the frickin' moon, that's why.
20:17Pretty much says it all. All right. Let's welcome tonight's guest, but let's do it with another special guest, Josh.
20:23Oh, do you want me to do it? Okay.
20:26She's a telly legend, he's a comedy star, but I'm a sock, so I've heard of neither of them.
20:31It's Lorraine Kelly and Josh Pugh!
20:46Hello, Mr Dave. Hello, you both.
20:50Just for no apparent reason, but we've got plenty. Does anyone want a Kit Kat?
20:54No. No, I've got cunners. I'm scunnered with them. I've eaten far too many of them.
20:59You what, sorry Lorraine? I'm scunnered of them.
21:03Scunnered? Fed up.
21:04Had too many. Oh.
21:05Were you involved in the hoist?
21:06I cannot possibly comment on that. Maybe.
21:10Did you both follow the moon mission? What did you think of it?
21:13Oh my God, it's so exciting. So exciting. What do you think?
21:16You're not that excited! I'm not that excited.
21:19I'm so excited.
21:19There it is, with astronauts, if you want to go up, fair enough and all that, but it's when they
21:24try and make up, they're doing it for us.
21:26For all humanity, all, you know, mankind. We're not bothered, lads.
21:31No one's asking you to go up there. I think it's, just be honest, you want to go on a
21:35rocket? That's where you're going.
21:37Yeah. You want to go wee into the sky?
21:39Wee! They had bother with the wees and the sky, didn't they? And you two cheeky monkeys, I actually saw
21:45the original moon landing.
21:47I was 10 and watched it with my dad. No, Lorraine. I know, I know. Oh my word. It was
21:53the best thing. No, Lorraine.
21:56Because you were making a joke and then it was, oh, but it's the sock. No, Lorraine, no.
22:02I love the sock. I'm very, very, very into the sock. So, would you go into space, Lorraine?
22:07Would I go? If you told me, no, I would be away. Well, can we finish the show first?
22:11No, it's amazing. It's extraordinary and so exciting. The thing is, the rockets, they go from Florida, though.
22:18Yeah. I just think there's better things to do in Florida. You've got Animal Kingdom,
22:23Cycling Lagoon, you know, Epcot. That's true.
22:27And there was, I love the way people really got into it this week, but I loved how watching various
22:32reporters
22:33around the world cover the rocket launch reminded everyone around the world of this classic clip.
22:37You may have seen this. James Burke. Yes.
22:38It's often called the best timed piece of television ever.
22:43And the two gases that he released from his particular version of a thermos flask,
22:48the one lying on its side behind me now, were hydrogen and oxygen.
22:57If you release those two gases into a confined space, with a hole at the other end of it,
23:02and mix them as you do so, and then set light to them, you get that.
23:16The moon.
23:18Wow.
23:25It is incredible, but how good would it have been if he'd have had a sock on his hand?
23:31Look, walking and talking isn't always easy to do on television, as this revealing clip of Lorraine shows.
23:40She's a mother of three.
23:42Sorry. I'll do that again.
23:47Superwoman, help me.
23:48Help me.
23:49You're alright?
23:51I can't train her.
23:52I can't do that.
23:55I healed.
23:57I healed.
23:57And look, we're going to give you a chance to redeem yourself tonight.
24:00Okay.
24:01And recreate James Burke's iconic moment live in the studio.
24:05We've written a little script for you.
24:06It's on the autocue.
24:07Take it away Lorraine.
24:08Right.
24:09Okay.
24:09Hopefully this will work.
24:13Walking and talking on television is harder than it looks.
24:16It requires coordination, concentration and relaxation.
24:20It's actually quite a bit of pressure.
24:26Like the pressure that's applied to a foot pump when somebody jumps on it.
24:30If that pressure is then transferred to a child's toy pointing towards the sky, you get this.
24:44That wasn't good enough.
24:48Oh my God.
24:49That doesn't normally happen to me.
24:51Oh my God.
24:53Yay!
25:00We'll have more last leg for you after the break as we come back down to earth with a look
25:04at what's going on in Iran.
25:05We'll see you in a little bit.
25:06Hello!
25:07Oh my God!
25:08Oh my God!
25:15Oh my God!
25:20Yeah!
25:21Welcome back to Last Leg!
25:23We're joined by Josh Pew and Lorraine Kelly who is handing out chocolates to everyone in the audience.
25:31Oh Lorraine, before you go, someone said is it okay that you didn't get a hug when you came out?
25:34No, it wasn't intentional.
25:36No, no, we all hugged already.
25:38Didn't we? Backstage we hugged.
25:39Don't tell them.
25:40Was the someone that texted that in yourself here?
25:44Honestly, I didn't get concerned by so many things.
25:46Someone else said is it okay that someone left some anti-back spray on the desk at the beginning of
25:51the show.
25:51Yes, that was an accident.
25:54Mad Brummie said is it okay that Trump broke the window and is now running away?
25:57Look, it's been a big week for the American president.
26:00In fact, I'm going to do something now.
26:01I'm going to read off a list of things Donald Trump said this week
26:03and I want you to tell me which one I've added as an April Fool's joke.
26:09This week Donald Trump said that he hangs around with losers because it makes him feel better about himself.
26:14Told an audience of Saudi investors they could ask him anything about sex.
26:17Said he doesn't like museums and libraries so his library will be a hotel.
26:22And claimed that a woman should have autonomy over her own body.
26:27Yeah, you picked it, it was the last one right.
26:30Can I just say anyone who says ask me anything about sex sounds like someone who's never done it.
26:36As the war in Iran continues, the Strait of Humoz remains closed.
26:39President Trump took to Truth Social to tell Britain it should either buy its jet fuel from the US or
26:44quote,
26:45go get your own.
26:46Not surprising from a guy who said when you're famous you can just grab them by the pussy.
26:51Iran is now considering placing a toll on any ships passing through the Strait of Humoz
26:54in what one commentator described as an ayatoll booth.
27:00I don't hate it.
27:02What do we think of Donald Trump saying we should get our own oil?
27:04Well I think we just fight back.
27:06Mm-hmm.
27:06We just choose British products.
27:08You should get your own hobnobs.
27:11Do you know what Trump?
27:12Get your own ambrosia cream dry.
27:16This side?
27:17You guys?
27:18It's just like, the way Trump speaks to Britain, it's like he's like a lad trying to get his mate
27:24to do something stupid all the time.
27:26Yeah.
27:26Like set fire to the farts or something.
27:28The old you would have done it.
27:29The old you, she's changed you.
27:31The old you would have done it.
27:32Okay, then we'll do it.
27:33He's just, he's a kid man, he's ridiculous.
27:35It's ridiculous.
27:36And look at this, oh yeah.
27:37He's blaming us.
27:38This is mad.
27:39Like we didn't have, he's the one who went and started it.
27:42Yeah, yeah.
27:42He's having a go at us.
27:43And it's basically like, what you're saying is, why aren't you doing anything about these pants that I've shitting that
27:47I'm wearing?
27:50And look at this, one country that seems to be doing well out of the crisis, it's Russia.
27:54Because just as their war effort was starting to run out of money, Donald Trump eased sanctions on Russian oil.
28:00The price of which has now gone through the roof.
28:02So the Russian economy is now pulling in hundreds of millions of dollars a day, thanks to Donald Trump.
28:08So it turns out he is good for the economy, just not Americans.
28:12Trump also said this week he'd consider pulling the US out of NATO, saying, I always knew they were a
28:17paper tiger.
28:17And then added, and Putin knows that too, by the way.
28:20Get a room.
28:23A lot of countries around the world are now struggling to deal with the current energy crisis.
28:27Sri Lanka have introduced a four-day working week.
28:29News anchors in Thailand took off their jackets on air.
28:32And their government have told officials to wear short-sleeved shirts without neckties.
28:37But have a look at Bangkok's weather for the next week.
28:40It's like 37...they should be wearing short sleeves anyway.
28:45Are you guys worried about the energy crisis?
28:48I mean, anything with crisis in, it gets my alarm bells ringing.
28:57He knows things.
28:59Good man.
29:01Mental health, Cuban Missile.
29:04Cost of living, cost of living crisis, all of them.
29:08Time crisis.
29:10One woman was spotted filling Sainsbury's bags with petrol and storing them in the boot of her car.
29:15Sainsbury's bags.
29:16That's the unbelievable image.
29:18I think putting petrol in a plastic bag really shows where you stand on climate change.
29:26Fuck you, Grafenberg!
29:29Dukas said, is it okay?
29:30The King's visit to the US is going to be very awkward.
29:33Yeah, so this week it was confirmed the King and Queen state visit is going to take place next month.
29:36Even though Trump spent a lot of this week slagging off Keir Starmer.
29:39In fact, Trump even stated that the King would have backed him over the war in Iran.
29:45His exact words were,
29:46I like him.
29:47I always liked him as a prince.
29:48He's a good man.
29:49A great representative for your country.
29:50I think it would have taken a very different stand.
29:53But he doesn't do that.
29:54I mean, he's a great gentleman.
29:56I don't think Charles would have taken a different stand from the war.
29:58I don't think so either.
30:00He talks to plants.
30:01Yeah, poop.
30:02He does.
30:02You know what I mean?
30:03His car runs on biofuels.
30:05His canes.
30:05His favourite hobby is angling.
30:07That's not a warmonger, that's a fishmonger.
30:12You've met the King, right?
30:13I have.
30:13Is he the kind of guy that would be like,
30:15yeah, get in there?
30:16No, he would not.
30:17And the poor soul that has to go and sit and break bread with Trump.
30:21I know he's met lots of despots.
30:23Yeah, yeah, yeah.
30:23In his life.
30:24But I don't know how you get through that.
30:26Do you just kind of sit there thinking,
30:28soon I can go home to Camilla and watch the racing with a gin and tonic.
30:32Is that how you get through it?
30:33I don't know.
30:34Well, is it true also that the King can't really give an opinion on whether he'd go to war, right?
30:37No, he's not.
30:38And Donald Trump knows that.
30:39Of course he does, so he's just...
30:40He's just baiting.
30:42They've got mutual acquaintances.
30:44His brother.
30:49That's very true!
30:57The Guardian's photo editor obviously had a little bit of fun this week.
31:01It looked like they were purposely choosing photos that made the King look sceptical of Trump.
31:04There was this one.
31:07Are they passing drugs?
31:11Cheers for that, Donald. I really needed that, Parker.
31:14And the Guardian also ran with this perfectly captured shot.
31:19It looks like the King's going, ooh, and he's just seeing Trump like zipper bollock in his zip.
31:27He's only trying to get his sock out and all.
31:30It looks like they're struggling for an answer on Celebrity Pointless.
31:35Ooh, you forgot to Captain Harland. Ooh.
31:40That actually is a photo of Charles talking to a plant.
31:44The scramble for fuel's going to test all of us, so Josh and Alex have come up with a way
31:47to get us prepared.
31:48Yes, we have.
31:49So, Hills, basically, as soon as we saw the image of a woman putting petrol in Sainsbury's bags,
31:53we basically thought this could fuel some hilarity.
31:57Oh, yeah.
31:57That's good.
31:59And more to the point, more to the point, pad out the show.
32:03So, we're going to put on, we've got made special petrol pump hats for this.
32:08Oh, shit!
32:10And Alex has got a jingle made. Would you like to cue the jingle, Alex?
32:13Let's play!
32:19You've got to patrol with it, you've got to fill your bag.
32:32OK!
32:33Here we are in our petrol pumps. Me and Alex, two petrol pumps.
32:38As you can see, I've got green on my face because I am unleaded.
32:42Yes, and as you can see, I'm diesel, so I've got a black hat on and I'm...
32:47Do you know what, actually, shall we just continue with this?
32:52I want to get cancelled is Hilsie versus Lorraine.
32:55And I can tell you that this couldn't be more important, Josh.
32:58Do you know why?
32:59Why?
32:59Because there's a very special prize on offer.
33:02Oh!
33:04Right, so here's what you have to do.
33:05You have to get as much highly flammable petrol in shopping bags
33:10across our tricky assault course from one end of the forecourt to the other.
33:15It's that simple.
33:17Hilsie, we ask you, it's the forecourt, so please don't use your mobile.
33:20Absolutely.
33:21And Lorraine, please don't light up.
33:23I don't know how...
33:25OK, then let's talk you through the course.
33:27First, you must fill your bag at the petrol pump over there.
33:30That'll have a street value of about eight grand at the moment.
33:33And then you've got to negotiate your way through the mountain of charcoal bouquets
33:36and then slalom in and out of the caution wet floor signs.
33:40Grab yourself a bunch of shitty flowers
33:42that you might be buying for a family member you don't like.
33:45Then buy a scratch card from an under-motivated forecourt attendant.
33:50Finally, pour your Romanian petrol into the car boot.
33:54The person who fills their car boot with the most petrol is the winner.
33:58Capisce?
33:59Yeah.
33:59Cool.
34:00Take your positions, please, at the start.
34:02Over there.
34:03There we go.
34:03Let's give it up for our contestants.
34:05You go decide, I'll go decide.
34:11Are you ready?
34:12Ready.
34:123...
34:132...
34:141...
34:15Pump it!
34:16Oh, here we go.
34:17There we go.
34:17They're pumping away now.
34:19Who do you fancy to win this, Alex?
34:21I think Killsie's struggling already.
34:23He's not having this.
34:24He seems like Lorraine's not messing about.
34:26Hey, Lorraine's got this.
34:27She's worked in a petrol station before.
34:29Oh.
34:30Lorraine feels like someone who's siphoned petrol with a...
34:35I'll be honest, this bit's lasting longer than we'd anticipated.
34:39Not the first time we've said that, am I right?
34:43Just go...
34:43Just go for the two...
34:44Two hands if you need it.
34:46Let's go.
34:46Here we go.
34:47Here we go.
34:47All right.
34:48Go on, go on.
34:51Go on, go on, go on, go on.
34:53Get your flowers.
34:54Get your flowers.
34:55Get your scratch card, please.
34:56Oh, two bunches.
34:57Oh, Lorraine's a romantic.
34:59Grab your scratch card.
35:00Me, that'll do.
35:01Fizz, fizz, fizz, fizz, fizz, fizz, fizz, fizz.
35:02Yep.
35:02Okay, thank you.
35:03Grass, scratch, cover.
35:04Fill it up!
35:05Fill it up!
35:06Fill it up!
35:06Fill it up!
35:07Fill it up!
35:09Oh, my God.
35:10Oh.
35:11It's the Piotos.
35:12Here we go.
35:13Here we go.
35:14Oh, my word.
35:15Here we go.
35:15Oh, my God, Lorraine.
35:16Oh, God, I need a wee so much.
35:18Keep going.
35:19That's it.
35:20Oh, let's have a look.
35:21I can tell you that our winner is...
35:24Lorraine Kelly!
35:25Oh, there it is.
35:27Oh, isn't it?
35:28No, it kills it.
35:29Oh, hang on.
35:30Oh, God.
35:31Give it to Lorraine.
35:32Lorraine!
35:33I'll get it!
35:34And there is your bouquet of Kit Kat.
35:36Oh, no.
35:38Oh, congratulations.
35:40Congratulations.
35:42It's going to have to go to VAR.
35:45Well, and more last thing for you after the break
35:46as we take a look at the upcoming World Cup.
35:48But, Josh, I think it's time to burn some of this petrol off.
35:51Shall we?
35:51Yes, let's go for this.
35:52Right.
35:52Here we go.
35:52Everyone duck.
35:53We're going to go big on this burning.
35:55Three, two, one.
36:12Welcome back to The Last Nerds.
36:13We're joined by Josh Pugh and Lorraine Kelly.
36:15Time to talk football now, but before we do,
36:17let's welcome a man who's become an online sensation
36:19as the assistant manager of the Sunday League team Royal Oak FC.
36:23Please welcome Steve Bracknell.
36:25Woo!
36:36Hello, Steve.
36:37Lovely to have you here, Steve.
36:39Big game this weekend.
36:40Do you want to tell everyone, explain for everyone what the game is?
36:43It's being billed as the biggest game in Sunday League history.
36:47Mm-hmm.
36:48I've billed it, that, I'll be frank.
36:50Yeah.
36:513,000 people are coming to watch two pub teams
36:55playing a football match on Easter Sunday at 2pm.
36:57Who are the pub teams?
36:59Royal Oak, my team, I'm assistant manager.
37:01Let's not get hung up on titles, mate.
37:03LAUGHTER
37:05I'm the assistant host, mate, don't worry about it.
37:08LAUGHTER
37:09No comment.
37:11And there's no love lost.
37:13And for the people who can't make it on the day,
37:15can they watch it?
37:16I'm allowed to mention BBC, aren't I?
37:20I mean, who knows these days, but yeah, go for it.
37:23LAUGHTER
37:26Don't get me involved in that.
37:29LAUGHTER
37:29The BBC have kindly agreed to live stream it
37:33to the Games Gone YouTube channel.
37:35Amazing.
37:35We're going to have people from all around globe...
37:37Yeah.
37:39..watching 22 overweight blokes...
37:41LAUGHTER
37:42..trying to put ball it back at them.
37:44Look, I understand you're a big fan of Alex Brooker,
37:46so much so you've written a chant for him.
37:48Last night, I spent an hour in the shower naked.
37:51Well, I've always naked in the shower, but...
37:53LAUGHTER
37:54..singing about Alex.
37:55Alex Arnick is going, Stephen, are you all right?
37:57I'm all right, love.
37:58Would you like to hear it?
37:59I'd love to hear it, please.
38:01Yeah!
38:02LAUGHTER
38:03It's to the tune of marching in two by two.
38:07Oh.
38:07He'll never play in a football team, they said.
38:11They said.
38:12They were always making jokes about his leg.
38:16His leg.
38:16Now, making jokes is how he gets paid
38:19and now he's playing in Soccer Day.
38:21All of Brooker, England's number nine.
38:27HE SINGS
38:28HE SINGS
38:28HE SINGS
38:39HE SINGS
38:39HE SINGS
38:39HE SINGS
38:40HE SINGS
38:40Oh, my God.
38:45Thank Steve.
38:47You're a national treasure, man, I mean that.
38:49Thank you so much.
38:50It was like, make a wish. Thank you.
38:52LAUGHTER
38:54And now, Josh Pugh, you play for the partially sighted England futsal team.
38:58I do, yeah.
38:59And you got a visit from an important manager.
39:01Yeah, before a tournament in Turkey,
39:04we were training in Manchester to motivate the lads.
39:06Our manager brought in a special guest
39:08and introduced him as Gareth.
39:11No surname, didn't give a surname.
39:13Obviously, the lads are visually impaired.
39:14We couldn't see that Gareth Southgate was stood.
39:18LAUGHTER
39:20And we were just very underwhelmed.
39:23LAUGHTER
39:25He's got, like, a shirt on.
39:27We think he works for the hotel.
39:29LAUGHTER
39:31Any questions for Gareth?
39:32Well, my room key's not working.
39:36LAUGHTER
39:38Yeah, first and second name we need, really.
39:43And, look, Lorraine, I understand you're going to be...
39:45Like, we've got the World Cup coming up.
39:46Yes.
39:47I understand you're going to be one of the games.
39:49Yes, we're going to the Morocco game.
39:50Well, hopefully I'm going, cos you know there's that thing
39:53where if you've been horrible about Donald Trump...
39:55Yes.
39:55..so I might get...
39:56I was hoping it would be Canada or Mexico, but we're not.
40:00Yeah.
40:00And I'm just worried that, you know, when I get there
40:02they wouldn't let me in, cos I might have said a bad thing
40:05about Donald Trump.
40:06I think the nicest thing I said was he was a twat.
40:09LAUGHTER
40:09That was me being nice.
40:11That was me being nice.
40:13That was me being nice.
40:16Is there any message you'd like to give to the Scotland team
40:20ahead of the World Cup?
40:20I just so happen to be sitting on this.
40:22Oh.
40:23Yeah, I just thought I would wave this around and say,
40:25the famous thing is, no Scotland, no party.
40:28No Scotland, no party.
40:30It's true!
40:31It's true!
40:31It's true!
40:32It's true!
40:33It's true!
40:34It's true!
40:36I'm so happy you didn't keep that,
40:38and I'll judge us with his socks.
40:41I'm just going to wear it.
40:43And look, Steve, we asked you ahead of coming here tonight
40:45if you could prepare a little bit of a speech
40:46for the England team.
40:47You gave me 24 hours, to be frank.
40:49Yeah.
40:50To be fair.
40:51To be honest, it's more time than we take to write the show.
40:55So, the stage is yours.
40:59Bye, Steve.
41:07We were all young kids once upon a time.
41:10We had dreams.
41:12Big dreams.
41:14I never laid in bed at night, dreaming about being an electrician.
41:18No, we wanted to be astronauts who flight at moon,
41:21but he couldn't.
41:24Some of us wanted to play for England in a World Cup final.
41:29And in two months' time, some of you lads have got the chance
41:33to make that a reality.
41:34A World Cup final, I mean.
41:36We're not sending Annie Maguire to moon.
41:38I hope not, anyway, we need him.
41:41All I ask of you lads is to keep dreaming.
41:45Listen, I can forgive a bad pass, a penalty miss,
41:49but what I cannot forgive is the inability
41:52to believe we can do it.
41:54Well, Vanessa showed us that.
41:57We live in divisive times,
42:00and the opportunities for this country to come together
42:02are few and far between.
42:05It went Gallagher's last summer that brought us together.
42:07Me and our Nicky had the best day of his life.
42:09Unbelievable.
42:11But now it's your turn.
42:13So go and play your heart, sir.
42:14Not for me, not for Whittacombe, not for Brooker.
42:17Do it for kids up and down country who are still dreaming.
42:20And if football comes home,
42:22and I mean this from the bottom of me heart,
42:24if it comes home, I'm banging a bargain bucket.
42:28No, no, I'm doing gravy, coleslaw,
42:30viennetta beans, job line, it's on me, and I mean that.
42:33So get up and down and play for that badge,
42:36but more importantly,
42:39let's try and stay together as one, all right?
42:41Steve.
42:43Yes!
42:50We'll have more last week for you after the break.
42:51Josh will wrap up the last seven days,
42:53and we're going to unveil an anthem for the World Cup.
42:55We'll see you in a little bit.
43:10Welcome back to Last Leg.
43:12We're joined by Josh Pugh, Lorraine Kelly, and Steve Bracknell.
43:15Last week on the show, we met someone by the name of Becky Coleman.
43:17Now, Becky was aiming to become the first wheelchair user
43:20to row the Oxford and Cambridge boat race course, arms only.
43:24Yesterday, she smashed it in 33 minutes,
43:27and sent us this picture with the little hands in a boat that we gave her.
43:31Becky's here tonight.
43:32Becky, congratulations. Well done.
43:47I also want to give a shout out to the Keithley Cougars rugby league team if I can.
43:50Last year on the show, you might remember,
43:52Alistair Campbell challenged Keithley to help out the Ukrainian rugby league team.
43:56Keithley then provided them with their official kit,
43:58offered to fly a bunch of teenage...
43:59They offered to fly a bunch of teenage rugby league players from Ukraine to the UK for a week.
44:05The Ukrainian kids landed into Leeds Bradford this afternoon.
44:08They're going to spend the weekend in Keithley and Castleford,
44:10playing and watching rugby league, which is awesome.
44:13They're also taking a day trip to Haworth.
44:16I think that's how you pronounce it.
44:17Home of the Bronte sisters.
44:19Because you know how much rugby league players love the Bronte sisters.
44:22You can hear them now.
44:24Heath Cliff!
44:25Heath Cliff!
44:26Oh, we all joined. I didn't expect you to join.
44:29This is the greatest audience of all of you.
44:41Josh has been orbiting the last seven days. What have you got?
44:44OK. Would you like...
44:46He's got to read it off the card.
44:48Would you like to see an incredible clip of what could possibly go wrong
44:51when collecting your food at the end of a night, out?
44:54Yes, please.
44:55LAUGHTER
44:58Hey, dear.
45:00Oh, no.
45:02Whoa!
45:05It's the way he tries to save it.
45:08Such a journey, then.
45:09Would you like to see some awkward footage of poor old Craig Doyle
45:13being interrupted during rugby team's warm-up?
45:15Yes.
45:18So, we said today, a new member of the team, you need an initiation,
45:21you usually get a song in the bottom, you're going to dance something disgusting.
45:24I'm ready to sing, to be fair.
45:25You're going to kick this ball?
45:26Yeah, it's going to be a debut defining moment, I think.
45:28You're a pro footballer. Watch your guys. Let's have a look.
45:31Brave man.
45:34Get there!
45:35It's good effort. It's good effort.
45:37Would you sign him, Geoff?
45:39Can you sign him?
45:41Oh, sorry, mate.
45:44I'm not happy about that.
45:45OK, apologies, Mr Legards.
45:47LAUGHTER
45:49All right, we are about to end the show with a song for the World Cup,
45:52but before we do, would you please thank our guests,
45:53Josh Pugh,
45:56Wayne Kelly,
45:58and Steve Bracknell,
46:02and my co-host Josh Whittaker,
46:04and Alex Brooker.
46:07We'll be back later in the year with more Last Leg,
46:10but right now, with the World Cup coming up,
46:12we thought we'd give a shout-out to all the countries competing,
46:15and wish them luck with every single part of their journey.
46:19Lookin' at a summer of the boat
46:2948 countries in all the competing here
46:33I sit and I wonder just who to cheer
46:41England
46:43Raleigh, Raleigh
46:45Upwards, cos they met with failure, but in June
46:50Scotland might dance to a different tune
46:54Tune in to sea-bitch nation, get to USA migration
46:59Getting into America, getting into America
47:04Has become a massive pain in the ass
47:11That's the urban Herzegovina, Norway, Switzerland, Portugal, maybe France
47:20Even Croatia have got a chance
47:26Sweden, Jordan and Ghana, Brazil, Ivory Coast and Uzbekistan
47:34We're not gonna put money on Iran
47:39Which country's gonna be sent home, wipe all the ass from your eyeballs
47:44Getting into America, getting into America
47:49Has become a massive pain in the ass
47:55Thanks for watching The Last Leg, my name's Adam Hills
47:57We'll see you later in the air for the next leg
47:59This another leg comes into America Let's dance
48:00A gioved woman
48:03Does Americaつ Parallel
48:07Which GUYก sponsorship
48:09We are running for college
48:09It's so special
48:10Six-Urda
48:10Four-Urda
48:10Commence
48:10Six-Urda
48:10Three-Holda
48:10The next leg
48:11Four-Urda
48:11Eight-Urda
48:11Six-Urda
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