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Watch How I Met Your Mother () Perfect Week ( AMZN WEB DL x265 Silence) Season 5 Episode 14 online in HD on Dailymotion (2005).
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00:01Kids, we all have different ways of dealing with nerves.
00:04It'll just be a few more minutes, Mr. Stenson.
00:07Some people chew their nails.
00:09Some people tap their feet.
00:11And some people imagine they're being interviewed
00:13by renowned sportscaster Jim Nance.
00:16Hello, friends.
00:17Every sport has had an icon who transcends the game.
00:20Boxing had Ali, basketball had Jordan,
00:23and the sport of sleeping with random hotties
00:26as my next guest, Mr. Barney Stenson.
00:28Barney, welcome.
00:30Thanks, Jim. Great to be back on the show.
00:31Good to have you with us.
00:32And, you know, the stats, they really speak for themselves.
00:35Over 200 women spanning six continents,
00:3817 nationalities, 74 sexual positions,
00:41and not a single fatty. It's impressive.
00:44Hey, with all these accomplishments, though,
00:46there's one Laurel that's always eluded you,
00:49which brings us to last week.
00:50What was the story there?
00:52Buckle up, Jimbo. This one's a doozy.
00:55It all started when I decided to set myself a little challenge.
00:58Oh, my God.
01:00Whoa.
01:00He's calling his shot.
01:02Whatever girl I'm pointing to right now,
01:04that's who I'm going home with tonight.
01:08And...
01:09Play ball!
01:13Hey.
01:14Hey. Hey.
01:15How'd the date with Dale go?
01:17You know, sometimes that guy with the horn-rimmed glasses
01:20and the Smurfs T-shirt is just being ironic.
01:22Sometimes he is a dork with a lazy eye
01:25and a love-hate relationship with Gargamel.
01:28Robin, just because a guy talks a lot about a fictional character
01:31on a first date doesn't mean he's not husband material.
01:34Yeah, Sasquatch isn't fictional.
01:36That was quick.
01:41So, night one was pretty routine.
01:44Jim, there's nothing routine about the way I get down.
01:48Respect.
01:49Take us to night two.
01:50See that hottie over there nursing a black Russian?
01:53She's about to chase that with a white American up top!
01:58You know?
02:00If you're not careful, you're gonna lose me.
02:03Hey, guys.
02:04What should I say when Dale calls for a second date?
02:07How do you know he's gonna call?
02:11You're cute, Marshall.
02:12But I think Mama knows when a dude's digging the show.
02:16I mean, he couldn't keep his good eye off of me.
02:19Well, let him down easy.
02:20People are fragile.
02:22I mean, sometimes without even meaning to,
02:24you might rip someone's beating heart out
02:27and stomp on it in a room full of 26 people
02:29and a teacher's assistant.
02:32How'd school go today, Ted?
02:34Something bad happened.
02:36It's first class of the new semester.
02:38Jamie Adamick.
02:40Hi.
02:42Brian Glowatz.
02:43Glowatz.
02:48Well done.
02:50Adding a fake name to the sign-up sheet.
02:52That's, uh, it's real original, guys.
02:54You know, I'd expect inspired minds such as yours
02:57to be a little more mature and, frankly, more creative.
03:00I mean, seriously.
03:01What kind of a fake name is Cook Poo?
03:04Here.
03:06Come on, guys.
03:07It's got to at least sound real.
03:09Cook Poo?
03:11Here.
03:12Whatever happened to the classics, right?
03:13You know?
03:14Seymour Butts.
03:15Huge erection.
03:17Those were fake names.
03:18But Cook Poo?
03:19Here.
03:21Cook Poo!
03:23She's back here, bro.
03:28All right, come on.
03:29Let me have it.
03:30Bring on all the Cook Poo jokes.
03:31Oh, we're not gonna make jokes, Ted.
03:34And that girl must be really down in the dumps.
03:37You really smeared the Poo name.
03:40You guys finished.
03:42Are you asking us if all the poo was out of our system?
03:47Wow, back-to-back nights.
03:49Barney is on fire.
03:50That girl's lucky.
03:52Barney was the best sex I ever had.
03:54He's the best friend I've ever had.
03:56He's everything I want Marshall to be.
03:58He's everything I wish I could be.
04:00I'm just assuming that's what they say when I'm not around.
04:03I buy it.
04:04You're awesome.
04:05Now, night three.
04:06Paint us a word picture.
04:08Jim, I could tell I was on a roll,
04:10so I decided to mix things up a little bit.
04:13I think I'm gonna go small boobs tonight.
04:17You're disgusting.
04:18Lily, they're people, too.
04:23Here's your burgers.
04:24Oh, thank you.
04:25Thanks.
04:25What, you're not sharing?
04:26You two always share our burger.
04:28You don't.
04:29We're not like weirdos who share everything.
04:31Ah, yeah, you are.
04:31That's exactly what you are.
04:32We're perfectly normal.
04:34Guys, what's going on?
04:36You know how Lily and I have been looking for a new couple friends
04:39ever since we lost Robin and Barney and Ted and Stella
04:42and Ted and Robin and Ted and Victoria?
04:45Geez, Ted, when are you gonna get your life together?
04:47How did we end up here?
04:48We went on a great double date last night.
04:51We were cool.
04:53We were casual.
04:54We didn't spaz out.
04:55And then one tiny little detail came out and the whole night was ruined.
04:59Ruined.
05:00And Joanna's toothbrush flips off the side of the sink,
05:03hits the ceiling and falls right into the toilet.
05:05Come on.
05:07That's crazy.
05:08Last week the same thing happened to our toothbrush.
05:11Our toothbrush?
05:13Our toothbrush.
05:15Our toothbrush?
05:17Yeah.
05:17Like one toothbrush?
05:20That you both use?
05:22Every day?
05:24Is that weird?
05:26Super weird.
05:28Marshall, four out of five dentists just threw up in their mouths.
05:33Hey, check it out. Barney's leaving with another girl.
05:36Wow, three girls in three nights. That's gross even for Barney.
05:40Gross.
05:41Are you kidding? He's on his way to a perfect...
05:43Don't say it.
05:46You jinx it.
05:47Jinx what?
05:48I was on my way toward a perfect week.
06:06The perfect week.
06:08Seven nights, seven girls, zero rejections.
06:12Incredible.
06:12I mean, it's really like the sexual equivalent of baseball's perfect game, but even rare.
06:18Yeah.
06:18The only player in history to have ever achieved both was mustache Pete Drexel back in 1896.
06:28Now, this wasn't the first time you'd come close to a perfect week.
06:32You learn the hard way, though.
06:34One mistake, and it's all over.
06:37Sometimes, a teammate makes an error.
06:41Sometimes, one wild pitch.
06:44You, me, the canned food aisle in the bodega next door?
06:47Leads to a walk.
06:49And sometimes, you just lose focus.
06:53And that almost always leads to a hit.
06:57But this week, you were three for three, with no sign of slowing down.
07:02I could do no wrong.
07:04Wish I could say the same for my friends.
07:07Cook didn't show up for class today.
07:09I'm sorry.
07:11Cook?
07:12Yeah, it's Ted.
07:13We know, like, a ton of people named Cook.
07:16Yeah.
07:19Cook poo.
07:22Uh-oh.
07:23Here we go.
07:24The dreaded Dale call.
07:26Oh, it's my mom.
07:28Just going through some pretty major league health stuff.
07:32God, why won't that guy call?
07:34Wait a minute.
07:35You want him to call?
07:37No.
07:37Shut up.
07:39Don't you guys have, like, a toothbrush to share or something?
07:42Yeah.
07:43When did you guys even start doing that, anyway?
07:45Like, years ago.
07:46You should know.
07:47We live with you.
07:48Uh, yeah.
07:48We always kept your toothbrush in the bedroom.
07:50Also weird, by the way.
07:52No.
07:53We kept it in the bathroom.
07:54No.
07:55There was only one toothbrush in the bathroom, and it was mine.
08:01Wait.
08:02Are you saying that for eight years, all three of you shared one toothbrush?
08:09Oh, my God.
08:11Kill me!
08:18So, you're through four nights.
08:20You're over the hump.
08:21Nice, Jim.
08:22Hey, I try.
08:23I'm no you.
08:25But then came night five.
08:27And with it, trouble.
08:31Beer here.
08:36Hey.
08:38Hey.
08:39How's, uh, how's Barney doing tonight?
08:41Cool as a cucumber, just like he's been all week.
08:43Yeah, it's hard to believe.
08:45Why?
08:46Apparently, this big merger fell through last week, and Barney's being blamed for it.
08:50Oh, that's weird.
08:51He hasn't said anything.
08:52Look, I work with the guy.
08:54I didn't find out until this afternoon, when I walked by his boss's office.
08:59I've never seen Barney look that scared.
09:02I think he's gonna get fired.
09:11I can't believe Barney might get fired.
09:13Yeah, they're having a meeting on Friday to determine whether or not he keeps his job.
09:17Poor guy.
09:18He must be freaking out.
09:19I'm gonna go talk to him.
09:20Wait, wait, no.
09:21You can't distract a man in the middle of a...
09:23You know what?
09:25Oh, come on.
09:26This is his career.
09:27This is much more important than some stupid person.
09:31Okay.
09:31Okay.
09:32You can lick my hand as long as you want.
09:34I'm not gonna let you ruin his...
09:37Guys, we need to talk to him.
09:39I'll go.
09:41He needs a bro.
09:44Hey, buddy.
09:45Hey.
09:46Everything all right?
09:47Absolutely.
09:48Sure.
09:48Top of the world.
09:50Who am I kidding?
09:52I need your help.
09:54Anything, buddy.
09:55What is it?
09:58Which one of these girls looks the dumbest?
10:02All right, kid.
10:04Let's check the scouting report.
10:07What about the heater?
10:15High and outside?
10:22All right.
10:23I can go with the slider.
10:28Thanks, Skip.
10:29Yup.
10:33So, what'd he say?
10:35Hm?
10:36Oh.
10:36Yeah, he's gonna take a swat at the Hamburglar over there.
10:39You were supposed to talk to him about losing his job.
10:42Lily, how is forcing him to dwell on a problem he can do nothing about gonna help him?
10:45How is ignoring it gonna solve anything?
10:48Well, you ignored good dental hygiene for the better part of a decade,
10:51and you seem...
10:52Yeah, cook-a-poo.
10:53Dale call yet?
10:55What are you giving me...
10:55Guys, guys, guys!
10:56Look!
11:00Barney, I'm gonna stop you for a second.
11:01There's something I have to ask.
11:04Have you ever used performance-enhancing drugs?
11:07No, sir.
11:08I respect the game too much.
11:11Although, I can't say I haven't been offered.
11:17Dude, it was pretty awesome.
11:19No.
11:20You should try it.
11:21I have...
11:22I have some more.
11:23No, thanks.
11:24You sure?
11:26All right.
11:27Suit yourself.
11:30What time is it?
11:31It's 8 o'clock.
11:328 o'clock?
11:41I need to go to the hospital.
11:45I've never touched this stuff.
11:47You can test me if you want, Jim Nance.
11:49Barney, I trust you.
11:50I regret I even asked you the question.
11:52Okay?
11:53Let's go to night six.
11:54Two girls away from perfection.
11:57Honest to God.
11:58Hey!
11:59Hey!
11:59Dude!
12:00What are you doing here?
12:01Get down to the bar.
12:02Ted, relax.
12:03I'm already six for six.
12:05Really?
12:06Yeah.
12:06I was lunching at Tavern on the Green.
12:09I started chatting up this Swedish supermodel.
12:11Next thing you know, I'm playing a day game in the back of a horse-drawn carriage.
12:15Giddy, what up?
12:21Awesome.
12:22What really happened?
12:24I had lunch at a Staten Island Chili's and banged a drunk hairdresser.
12:27Are you happy, Truthy McGee?
12:34Barney, we know you might get fired.
12:36Wait.
12:37You have to talk about this.
12:38You are just using meaningless sex to distract yourself from a really serious issue.
12:44It is not meaningless, okay?
12:46Number five and I really connected.
12:48She's going back to school.
12:50Or has a kid in school.
12:53Something about school.
12:55So today, one of my students told me Cook is dropping my class.
12:59Oh, my God.
13:01Poo dropped out?
13:02She is flushing her education down the toilet.
13:06Any word from Dale?
13:07It's only been five days.
13:09He's gonna call.
13:10Why do you care, anyway?
13:11You said he was a total dork.
13:12Okay, do you not talk about Dale that way, okay?
13:14He is twice the man you will ever be!
13:17God forbid, if you can't find another job, sell your place.
13:21Marshall and I have an extra room.
13:22You can stay there as long as you need.
13:24And make sure you bring your own toothbrush.
13:26Lily, what are you doing?
13:28Talking to my friend who's going through a really tough time.
13:31He's doing fine.
13:32Trying to sleep with seven women in seven nights is not doing fine.
13:37It's a cry for help.
13:38Barney's whole life is a cry for help.
13:40But you don't mess with a man when he's in the middle of a perfect...
13:43What?
13:44Perfect week?
13:46Oh, perfect week!
13:47Perfect week!
13:48Perfect week!
13:49Grow up!
13:54Unbelievable.
13:54You know, there's two things you don't do.
13:57One, you don't open an email from Phil Simms in front of your kids.
14:00And two, you don't jinx a man going for a perfect week.
14:03I don't know what to tell you.
14:04Lily's always messing with me.
14:06I think she has a thing for the barnacle.
14:09You're a keen observer of the human condition, Jim Nance.
14:13I can't believe you jinxed him.
14:15He doesn't stand a chance out there.
14:16Okay, question.
14:17If I ruined everything, why is Barney totally hitting it off a third martini girl over there?
14:25Oh, my God.
14:26She's gonna do it.
14:27Yeah.
14:28See?
14:28There is no such thing as a jinx.
14:31Tell me she didn't say there's no such thing as a jinx.
14:34Wish I could.
14:35You were about to achieve something so beautiful.
14:38Well, well, thanks to her, the only thing that could ruin a surefire hookup was about to walk through that
14:44door.
14:48A member of the 2009 world champion New York Yankees.
15:02Lily, I'm getting my own toothbrush.
15:10Well, I guess that's it.
15:12Arnie's streak ends at six.
15:14What?
15:14Why?
15:15Because that guy with the weird hair just walked in?
15:18That's Nick Swisher.
15:20He's a New York Yankee.
15:22He's a New York Yankee.
15:22No normal guy in New York City can compete with a Yankee.
15:25And it doesn't even have to be a current Yankee.
15:27When I first moved here, I was on a fourth date with a girl I really liked until I got
15:30rack-jacked by Phil Rizzuto.
15:32I was there.
15:33Holy cow, that guy had gay boo-hoo.
15:35No, I'm not seeing it.
15:36Okay, let me try to Canada this up for you, eh?
15:39Lily, how would you react if one of those kachak guys with the skates and the sticks walked in here?
15:46Lily, if one of the Vancouver Canucks walked in here, my panties would drop so hard there would be a
15:52hole in the floor halfway to China.
15:54That's what it's like with the Yankees.
15:55Oh, Barney's screwed.
15:56Well, it's happening.
15:59Hey, wanna come over and look at my snow globe collection?
16:03Snow globe collection?
16:04He's throwing junk out there!
16:07That is Nick Swisher.
16:10Oh.
16:11Good afternoon.
16:11Good game, good game, good game, good game, good game.
16:14Not good enough.
16:16This whole week was a waste.
16:19And tomorrow, I'm gonna get fired.
16:25I'm really sorry, dude.
16:27But for what it's worth, this week wasn't a waste.
16:30We were all having a really horrible week and you took our minds off it.
16:35Yeah, I had my first student drop my class.
16:37It sucked.
16:38I met my soul mate and he never called me back.
16:41I mean, yet.
16:41He will.
16:43He will.
16:44We scared off a really great couple just because we share a toothbrush.
16:49You share a toothbrush?
16:51Well, them and Ted.
16:53Wait a second.
16:55When we were dating, you borrowed that toothbrush all the time.
16:58Oh, my God.
17:00And that's when Aunt Lily realized what's great about sports.
17:03They take your mind off your troubles, if only for a moment.
17:06And deep down, we all needed that perfect week.
17:12The second she sits down next to Swisher, it's all over.
17:18Wait a minute.
17:19The old room's got a beat on her.
17:26She's running out of room.
17:28She dives and...
17:31I have no idea where she's going with this.
17:32Oh, my God. Are you okay?
17:34Yeah. Oh, sorry. I'm such a clutz.
17:37Oh, thanks.
17:38Oh, boy.
17:39I think I twisted my ankle.
17:41Can you give me some ice?
17:42Of course.
17:43Oh, my God.
17:44She did it.
17:45I guess there is no such thing as a jinx.
17:47What?
17:53Oh, I'll get you some ice, Lily.
17:56Damn it.
17:57Swisher's back in play.
17:58Swisher's back in play.
17:59Follow me.
18:00Hey, Nick Swisher!
18:02This guy and his wife share a toothbrush.
18:05So?
18:06So?
18:07That's weird, right?
18:09Actually, I think it's kind of sweet.
18:11In a way, aren't we all trying to find that special someone
18:14to share a toothbrush with?
18:16Excuse me.
18:18Lily, Mick Swisher thinks we're sweet.
18:21Martini.
18:24We're having a beer with a New York Yankee.
18:26How cool is that?
18:27Oh, it's amazing.
18:28I totally follow baseball.
18:30Mookie Wilson.
18:32Is that a thing?
18:33Yeah.
18:33Baseball.
18:34It's amazing.
18:34But I'll tell you one thing.
18:36It's no hockey.
18:38I live...
18:39right upstairs.
18:42What do you say we go back to my place?
18:45Uh-huh.
18:46Wow.
18:47To be honest, I don't normally do that, but I feel a real connection here, Seven.
18:52Christy.
18:57Please.
19:01Hi, Jim!
19:05Hi, Jim!
19:06Hi, Jim!
19:07Hi, Jim!
19:11Amazing!
19:13Congratulations on your perfect week!
19:15Thanks, Jim.
19:16I couldn't have done it without my teammates.
19:18Hey, on to a new topic.
19:19Do you really think you might get fired today?
19:23Um...
19:25Jim, I told you I don't want to talk about that.
19:28Barney, I'm a figment of your imagination.
19:30So, apparently, you do think about that.
19:35What a jerk.
19:37You're a jerk.
19:41Mr. Donovan will see you now.
19:44Stinson?
19:45We've reached a decision.
19:50We're keeping you on.
19:53I know this past week must have been tough on you.
19:57I barely slept.
20:00Here you go, guys.
20:01The official hat of Barney's perfect week.
20:05I was gonna do shirts, but then you have to guess sizes and feelings get hurt.
20:09It's a mess.
20:10In commemoration of Barney's induction into the Hall of Game,
20:14this tie worn on the seventh night of his perfect week is hereby retired.
20:20May Barney's heroic feat be remembered and spoken of for generations to come.
20:26Yeah, I'm totally gonna sit my kids down one day and tell them about the time Uncle Barney nailed seven
20:31chicks in a row.
20:34Am I a bad dad?
20:41Takeout order for cook poo.
20:43We have a number two over here for cook poo.
20:46You guys got Wendy saying it now?
20:48Come on.
20:49Okay, I get it.
20:50Cook poo is a stupid name and it gets stupider and stupider the more you say it.
20:54Cook poo, cook poo, cook poo.
20:56Here.
20:58Here.
21:26GUY.
21:26What if there's always a bet?
21:32There.
21:34We will.
21:36You will.
21:36остous.örungstie.
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