00:02I can't believe Metro News 1
00:03is just forwarding you all this fan mail now.
00:06I know. I quit like four months ago.
00:07Wow, you had more fans than I thought.
00:09And only about 60% of them are prison inmates.
00:13What are these guys thinking?
00:15I am way past my dating prisoners phase.
00:17It's like, hello, I'm not 19 anymore.
00:20Come on.
00:21Ha, ha, lottery girl's on.
00:23I just feel sorry for these women.
00:25This is where broadcast careers go to die.
00:27Check it out. I make it fun.
00:29I invented a little game.
00:31Tonight's lotto numbers are...
00:3619.
00:37Age you moved to New York
00:39after a photographer discovered you at a food court
00:41and said he'd get you in Vogue magazine.
00:4353.
00:44Number of semi-nude pictures he took of you
00:45before you realized he had no connection to Vogue magazine.
00:4922.
00:50Age you claim you are.
00:5231.
00:53Age you actually are.
00:5545.
00:56Number of minutes it would take me
00:58to get you into a cab out of your dress
00:59and into my jacuzzi.
01:01And the super big ball is...
01:03What happens after we get out of the jacuzzi?
01:06What up?
01:07Really?
01:22Kids, by the winter of 2009,
01:24Robin had been unemployed for months.
01:26But there was a glimmer of hope.
01:28Hey.
01:28Hey, how'd the audition go?
01:30Well, I went in there feeling really good.
01:33I heard it was just me up against two other girls.
01:35Listening.
01:43Hi.
01:44Hi.
01:45Robin Schabatsky.
01:48And you are...
01:51You've obviously never spent any time in Denver.
01:54Rochelle Harper, News Center 12.
01:56We were only the number one station in the Rockies
01:59for five straight years.
02:01I was an anchor here in town at Metro News 1.
02:04Ooh.
02:05An anchor.
02:06You must have a killer sign-off phrase.
02:09I'm sorry?
02:10You gotta have a killer sign-off phrase.
02:12Like Walter Cronkite.
02:14And that's the way it is.
02:17So what's yours?
02:19Oh, well, I would just always end with a simple
02:21from all of us here at Metro News 1,
02:23have a good evening.
02:29Mine is from all of us here at Barney's apartment,
02:32get out.
02:34You didn't let those reporter bitches psych you out,
02:37did you?
02:38And the president's economic team
02:41is hoping to have a proposal before Congress
02:43by the end of the month.
02:45From all of us here at News 10,
02:47have a good evening.
02:52So good night, New York.
02:54And may the road ahead be lit with dreams
02:57and tomorrows.
03:00Which are lit with dreams
03:02also.
03:04Wow.
03:05That's terrible.
03:06And bad.
03:08Also.
03:10I wasn't done.
03:13Stand tall, New York.
03:15Trustworthy.
03:17Recycling.
03:19Wear a condom.
03:22Wear a condom?
03:25I'm not gonna be the new Channel 10 anchor, am I?
03:28This just in.
03:29No.
03:31Maybe the problem is your resume.
03:34See how mine is lean and mean,
03:35yours is too cluttered.
03:37I feel like everything on your resume is so relevant.
03:40Program director, 88.1 Wesleyan University Radio.
03:44Oh, God.
03:45Dr. X?
03:46You're still bragging about Dr. X?
03:49Who is Dr. X?
03:50Nobody knows.
03:51He was this genius mystery DJ.
03:53It was Ted.
03:54His identity remains a secret to this day.
03:57It was Ted.
03:57But this phantom of the airwaves changed the very face of college radio.
04:01It was Ted.
04:02And your show sucked.
04:04Dr. X here, shooting truth bullets at you from an undisclosed location.
04:08Because if they knew where I was, they'd shut me down.
04:11You're on the third floor of the student center next to the game room, you tool.
04:16I've been getting a lot of letters about my segment on how racist the school's meal plan is.
04:21How are you getting letters if no one knows where you are, douche?
04:24That's why I'm organizing a happening outside the dining hall, Monday at midnight.
04:28It's high time, the food service puppet masters took ignorance and injustice off the menu.
04:34Hey, Ted, we need a fourth for foosball.
04:37What are you doing in here anyway?
04:39Dude, get out of here.
04:40I'll be there in a second.
04:41So remember, dining hall, Monday midnight, another Dr. X happening.
04:47I'll be there because X marks the spot.
04:50Odd, odd, odd, odd, odd.
04:52If you think people liked your show, they did not.
04:55Odd, odd, odd, odd.
04:56This is weird.
04:57Look what got mixed in with your fan mail.
04:59What?
05:00It's from the U.S. Department of Immigration.
05:04It's postmarked two months ago.
05:11Oh, boy.
05:12What is it?
05:13It's about my work visa.
05:15Unless I can find a job in the next seven days, they're going to send me back to Canada.
05:29I can't believe you might be kicked out of the country.
05:32I know.
05:32My whole life is here.
05:34No, we won't let this happen.
05:36I mean, one of us will help you find a job.
05:38Yeah, I bet I can get you something at my school.
05:40No, guys.
05:42It doesn't work that way.
05:43Robin only gets her work visa if she gets a job in her field.
05:46I mean, you know what?
05:47I guess you could stay if you married a U.S. citizen.
05:51Yeah, that could work.
05:53Oh, no.
05:54No, they can never process that and make it official in time.
05:56That won't work.
05:57I'm screwed.
05:58I've been sending out my reel for three months and nothing.
06:01Well, maybe there's something in your reel that people aren't responding to.
06:05Let's take a look at it, right?
06:09That's a good question, Norm.
06:11Okay, the first thing is from when I was a cup reporter for Channel 22 and Red Deer.
06:16In Alberta.
06:18In Canada.
06:20Oh, Canada.
06:22Right.
06:22Well, the snow's coming down pretty hard.
06:25But these intrepid fishermen are still happy to be owed competing in Lake Athabasca's bass fishing jamboree.
06:31An August 1st tradition.
06:34Back to you, Norm.
06:38What?
06:39That was my first job.
06:41It shows where I came from.
06:43Unless a bear attacks you in the next three seconds and you snap its neck with your legs,
06:47that has no business being on your reel.
06:48No.
06:49No.
06:50I get it.
06:50I get it.
06:51Where you're from is part of who you're selling.
06:54For instance, under special skills on my resume,
06:56I mentioned that back in Minnesota, I was the 1995 Nicolette County Slam dunk champion.
07:00You put dunk champion on your resume?
07:03Yeah, why wouldn't you?
07:04A lot of companies have basketball teams.
07:07It's good for them to know that Vanilla Thunder can still take the rock to the hole.
07:10They called you Vanilla Thunder?
07:13Yeah, Vanilla Thunder.
07:15The ghost in the post.
07:16The human turnstile.
07:18I didn't play that much D.
07:20You can't still dunk.
07:22Of course I can.
07:24Well, I mean, I could until recently.
07:27Until the injury.
07:29It's called iliopsoas tendinitis.
07:31Oh, yes.
07:31That sounds bad.
07:33It's more commonly known as dancer's hip.
07:39Dr. Goodman.
07:41Really?
07:42Oh, come on!
07:45Iliopsoas tendinitis.
07:46That's what it's called.
07:47That's all it's called.
07:50Iliopsoas tendinitis.
07:51It's a basketball injury, you know?
07:53It's no big whoop.
07:55Dancer's hip.
07:55Marshall has something called dancer's hip.
07:57Okay, no, no, okay.
07:58They only call it that look because it's very common with ballet dancers.
08:03Oh.
08:05So, tell me, do any of the other little girls in your class have dancer's hip?
08:10Yeah, okay, sure.
08:10Well, I have more of a technical question.
08:12Is it easier to dance when you don't have external genitalia?
08:16Good.
08:16Don't build to that.
08:17Just go right for it.
08:18Guys, come on.
08:19Marshall didn't get this injury from dancing.
08:22Thank you, Lily.
08:23Clearly, the stirrups were set a little too wide during his last trip to the gyno.
08:28Guys, guys, I hate to cut you off before Marshall bursts into tears,
08:33but, Robin, check this out.
08:35What you need is an awesome video resume like mine.
08:40I present BarneysVideoresume.com.
09:03Oh, hello.
09:05Barney Stinson, you've achieved great success in business, athletics, and personal relationships,
09:11and have been an inspiration to many people.
09:14Is that you?
09:16Are you interviewing yourself?
09:18How can it be me?
09:20That guy's British.
09:22What would you recommend to your numerous admirers who want to reach their highest potential?
09:27And a wee bit Scottish.
09:31The first thing you need to know about success is that it doesn't just come to you.
09:36Most people associate success with money and power, but really, it's a state of mind.
09:44You had to be on a motorcycle to say that?
09:47When it comes to success, the only limit is that there are no limits.
09:52Hey, I didn't know you knew how to scan near a horse.
09:54It's impressive.
09:55Barney, I don't get it.
09:56You don't do a damn thing in any of these clips.
09:59Exactly.
10:00Because that's who corporate America wants.
10:01People who seem like bold risk-takers, but never actually do anything.
10:06Actually doing things gets you fired.
10:09In fact, I'm writing a book on this very phenomenon.
10:12Really?
10:13You're writing a book?
10:13No, that would be doing some...
10:15Are you even listening?
10:17All my life, I have dared to go past what is possible.
10:23To the impossible?
10:25Actually, past that.
10:27To the place where the possible and the impossible meet.
10:31To become the possimpable.
10:36The possimpable? Really?
10:38Inventing your own word shows creativity and vision.
10:42Vigetivity.
10:45If I can leave you with one thought, it's this.
10:50Nothing and everything is possimpable.
10:59Is that you again?
11:01Are you singing a song about yourself?
11:04Absolutely not.
11:05That would be lame.
11:06Are you singing a song about yourself?
11:41That baby got me 11 job offers.
11:44No.
11:45No way.
11:46Barney, that was ridiculous and insane.
11:49Insanulous.
11:51Make me one.
11:53What?
11:53Yes!
11:54Now you're talking.
11:55I'm about to be deported.
11:57I'll try anything.
11:58Okay, we better get started.
11:59There's a lot to shoot, and I don't think I can use any of the footage I already have of
12:02you.
12:03What footage do you already have of me?
12:06Let's just get started.
12:09Oh, sweetie, are you still upset about the dancers' hip jokes?
12:14No.
12:16We were just kidding.
12:17We all know it's a basketball injury.
12:20Yeah.
12:20No, totally.
12:24Lily, I have something I need to tell you.
12:26What is it?
12:29I dance more than you know.
12:32What?
12:34I dance more than you know.
12:40I don't know how to respond to that.
12:45So, Robin, what does being a reporter mean to you?
12:50Well, ever since I was a little kid, I always...
13:02You can make up a word, like link-a-tivity.
13:06How will sounding like an idiot get me hired anywhere?
13:09Okay, fine.
13:10Don't do it.
13:11Anyway, I'm sure there are plenty of exciting stories to cover back in Canada.
13:15I just read that the mayor of Winnipeg's nephew went ice fishing and caught himself a 16-pound walleye.
13:20Reporting live from the worst place in the world, I'm Robin Scherbatsky.
13:25Okay, fine.
13:26Roll camera.
13:27Laura, connectitude.
13:32Love it.
13:34Transformitation.
13:35Earn it.
13:36Link-a-tivity.
13:38Yeah, link-a-tivity's mine.
13:43So, how much dancing are we talking about?
13:46I don't...
13:47I guess I'd say medium.
13:52Why are you dancing so much?
13:54Why don't I know about it?
13:56It's something I do when I'm alone, you know?
13:58Like, if something good happens, I get excited and I need to move.
14:00And I just...
14:00I don't know.
14:01I don't want to talk about this anymore.
14:05So that's how you injured your hip?
14:09Hey, did you hear?
14:10They're giving us a half day today.
14:12We can leave it, too.
14:13Oh, great.
14:15Thanks, Herm.
14:22Ah!
14:26Marty, these costumes are ridiculous.
14:28Plus, the Amazon warrior princess armor gave me a rash.
14:32Cards on the table, you weren't the first lady to wear that in here.
14:35But it conveyed power, and so will this.
14:38What I need you to do now is break these 15 bricks with your forehead.
14:42What?
14:42But you didn't do a damn thing in your video.
14:45You just stood near a horse and sat on a motorcycle.
14:48That's because I'm a man.
14:49You're a woman.
14:50The assumption is that you can't do anything.
14:52But you have to prove society wrong.
14:55I can't break 15 bricks with my forehead.
14:59Robin, it's not 1950 anymore.
15:01Yes, you can.
15:03I'm out of here.
15:04What?
15:05Why?
15:05None of this is going to help me get a job.
15:07I'm about to get kicked out of the country.
15:11I know what I have to do.
15:16Is this where the lottery girl auditions are?
15:18Yeah, right here.
15:25So, kids, your Aunt Robin had reached her low-point.
15:27She was auditioning to be the lottery girl.
15:31And tonight's lotto numbers are...
15:33Hold it.
15:34Say the line before you press the button.
15:36It builds the suspense.
15:37It builds the suspense.
15:39Okay.
15:41And tonight's lotto numbers are...
15:4717.
15:48Stop her.
15:49Hold it.
15:50Why did she say it like that?
15:52It's like she's not even happy about the 17 coming up.
15:56She seems mean.
15:57Yeah, she seems super mean.
15:59Can you take another run at 17 for us?
16:0417.
16:05Okay.
16:05I don't even understand what she's doing.
16:09Let me try something.
16:11Try being a little more wry.
16:14Wry?
16:15About the number 17?
16:17Wry with a little bit of a...
16:19Twinkle.
16:20Twinkle.
16:2217.
16:2317.
16:26That was great.
16:28Hey, Marsh, I got you a light beer.
16:30I know how you dancers are always counting calories.
16:33It's not funny, all right?
16:34The doctor says if it gets any worse, I might need surgery.
16:37Vaginal rejuvenation surgery?
16:39You know who didn't do a lot of operating on vaginas in college?
16:42Dr. X.
16:44He did just fine.
16:45Oh, hey, you know what?
16:46Both of you geniuses need to take that weak-ass crap off your resumes.
16:50I mean, you are not Dr. X anymore, and you cannot dunk anymore.
16:55Uh-huh.
16:55Let it go.
16:56So, Marshall and I are the only people at this table with weak-ass crap on their resumes?
17:01What are you implying?
17:02Oh, oh, wow.
17:05I don't know.
17:05Does the date July 4th, 1995 mean anything to you?
17:10You son of a bitch.
17:16Hi, and the new champion with 29 hot dogs, Lily the Belly Albrecht!
17:23Yeah!
17:25Whoa.
17:28How is that relevant to teaching kindergarten?
17:31It teaches kids that I can eat a lot of hot dogs very quickly.
17:36Yeah, but you can't do it anymore.
17:38You can't dunk anymore, lady hips.
17:41How dare you!
17:42These hips could make sense!
17:45I didn't even get the Lotto Girl gig.
17:48I have to move back to Canada.
17:52I can't believe this.
17:56I remember the night before I moved down here.
17:58They threw a going-away party for me.
18:01They gave me a camera so I could take pictures and send them home.
18:06And everyone was so sure I was going to be such a big success.
18:12I'm really going to miss you guys.
18:17What happened?
18:19Robin, Robin has to move back to Canada.
18:22Oh, my God, how awful.
18:24I mean, for one thing, it's going to be a really long commute.
18:27What do you mean?
18:29I finished your video resume on my own, messengered it to every station in the city.
18:33A guy from Channel 8 called.
18:35He loved you.
18:36He wanted you to come in and audition.
18:38Oh, my God.
18:39I told him, no.
18:41Robin Scherbatsky doesn't audition.
18:43He gives you the job or nothing.
18:45So I got the job?
18:46No, he cursed me out and hung up.
18:49But then Channel 12 called.
18:51They also loved you.
18:53They offered you a job hosting their new morning talk show.
18:57Barney, that's amazing!
18:59I told him to shove it.
19:00Dude!
19:01Which only made them want you more, so they jacked up their offer by 10%.
19:06Congratulations, Ms. Scherbatsky.
19:07It looks like you're going to have to stay.
19:09Oh, my God!
19:10Whoa!
19:11Oh, my God!
19:14Oh, my God!
19:17You're not about to dance, are you?
19:18Oh, no, I'm good.
19:20I'll do it later.
19:22Oh, my God.
19:23How did you pull this off?
19:25I am the master of the pasimpable.
19:28You really are.
19:33So thanks to your Uncle Barney, we got to keep your Aunt Robin.
19:38There's so much stuff in my life.
19:40No room for me to go.
19:45One day I'm gonna break...
19:47And the rest of us decided it was time to let some things go.
19:50...to Mexico.
19:53I'm gonna burn down my house.
19:55Well, except for Lily.
19:58And...
19:5910!
20:00What's the count?
20:0233!
20:0433!
20:06Woo!
20:10Woo!
20:10Woo!
20:13Woo!
20:16Woo!
20:19Woo!
20:37Why is no one coming to my happenings?
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