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Watch How I Met Your Mother () Old King Clancy ( x265 Silence) Season 4 Episode 18 online in HD on Dailymotion (2005).
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00:02In the spring of 2009, I've been hired to design a new headquarters for Goliath National
00:07Bank.
00:07And I was eager to add as much of my voice as an architect into the plans as possible.
00:12Wood beams bathed in natural light in the atrium.
00:17They're gonna love it.
00:19There was only one problem, and his name was Bilson.
00:23Wood?
00:24Natural light?
00:25Uh, no, natural light reminds the workers that there is an outside world where they have
00:31family and friends.
00:33We want to crush that.
00:35You show up in the dark, you go home in the dark, you spend your whole damn day in the
00:41dark.
00:42I need to hear Lily's voice.
00:44He said you could leave.
00:47Bilson was killing every original idea I had.
00:50Then one day, GNB took him off the project and created a new task force to oversee my
00:55designs.
00:56Suddenly, everything changed.
00:57We'll have a rooftop zen garden for quiet contemplation.
01:00We'll have a reflecting pool in the lobby where local children can come to make wishes.
01:05The new GNB.
01:07A place of work that you can call home.
01:22Everything was going great until one day in the elevator.
01:29Uh, yeah, it's Ted.
01:35No, no, no, no, no, no.
01:36I did not approve that change for the blueprints for the new GNB headquarters, for which I'm
01:41the head architect at only 30 years old.
01:44Yes, I'm single and I give to charity.
01:47What does that have to do with anything?
01:49All right.
01:50Goodbye, Mr. Mayor.
01:53You know that was a fake phone call, don't you?
01:56Yes.
01:56And I also know that the new GNB headquarters project was scrapped last month.
02:02Nice try.
02:18Check out Scarlett Johansson at the Oscars.
02:20If I could nail any celebrity, it would definitely be Scarlett Johansson.
02:24Hot, talented, and nobody does that many Woody Allen movies without serious daddy issues.
02:29If I could nail any celebrity, it would be Lily.
02:32She's the star of my heart.
02:33Aww.
02:34For me, it'd be Hugh Jackman.
02:37You know, I don't know.
02:38Celebrities, they're into some really weird sex stuff.
02:41Trust me.
02:42How would you know that?
02:46This is embarrassing, but I...
02:47I went home with a celebrity one night.
02:50Oh, my God.
02:52Seriously?
02:53Yeah.
02:54He wanted to do this really freaky thing with me, so I left.
02:57That's it.
02:58End of story.
02:59No.
03:00Not end of story.
03:01I need to know who, what, when, and in where.
03:04Spill it.
03:05Please settle down.
03:06You're swallowing too much air.
03:08Before you go any further, I'm flattered, but technically I'm not a celebrity.
03:13Plus, for the last time, I put the mask on as a joke.
03:16Okay.
03:17Not you, Barney.
03:18Okay.
03:19Who is it?
03:20I agree.
03:21Now you gave Lily the hiccups.
03:24Okay, I won't tell you anything specific, but all I'll say is he is Canadian-born, but you definitely know
03:30this guy, and he got me back to his place by offering to show me a very unique collection.
03:35What do you mean, collection?
03:36What do you mean, collection?
03:36Well, you know how some people collect, like, stamps or coins.
03:39It's like that.
03:40But I'm not telling.
03:41Well, at least tell us the weird thing he wanted to do.
03:44I don't know what you call it in the States, but we have a name for it in Canada.
03:47Look, I've already said too much, so a mystery celebrity who collects a mystery item asked you to do a
03:55mystery Canadian sex act.
03:57Yes.
03:58Tell us!
03:59Okay, I'll tell you.
04:01But only if you guess all three parts correctly.
04:05Well, that's just impossible.
04:06Exactly.
04:07I don't even know any Canadian sex acts.
04:10Well, you got your sloppy dog sled, your Alberta fur trapper, your full Mountie.
04:14I didn't know all these.
04:17Canadiansexacts.org.
04:17What?
04:17It's bookmarked on the top right.
04:19Dot org?
04:20Yeah.
04:20It's not-for-profit.
04:21They really just want to get the information out there.
04:24Hey.
04:24Hey, man.
04:25So, I just had the weirdest conversation.
04:27This woman at GNB told me that the new bank building was scrapped last month.
04:31It's crazy, right?
04:34Wait, what was that look?
04:35Should we tell him?
04:36I don't want to tell him.
04:37I think we should tell him.
04:37We're not telling him.
04:38There was no look.
04:39Guys, what the hell?
04:41Okay.
04:42It's time that you know the truth.
04:43A few weeks ago, Bilson called us into his office.
04:46We're scrapping the plan for the new GMB headquarters.
04:50This recession is killing us.
04:52We're cutting anything non-essential.
04:55Gonna have a lot of tough choices to make at the bi-quarterly retreat in St. Croix.
05:00Man, Ted is gonna be devastated.
05:02Not when he hears it coming from his best friend.
05:04I have to tell him.
05:07You should tell him you're his best friend.
05:09I am not.
05:09You're his best friend.
05:10I am not.
05:11You're his best friend.
05:12Shhh, crap.
05:12Here he comes.
05:13Look, the white dude or the Asian fellow?
05:15See?
05:15I barely know the guy.
05:17Hey, Ted, what's up?
05:18Hey.
05:19How you doing?
05:20I'm frustrated.
05:21Anything innovative I put in my designs, Bilson just hacks out with a machete.
05:25I hate having to answer to a guy like that.
05:28You should drop the project.
05:29You should totally drop the project.
05:31It's beneath you.
05:32Then it's settled.
05:32Ted Mosby's new chapter.
05:34May the wind be at your back.
05:35And may the Ronald Dolly...
05:35Are you kidding?
05:36They just laid off another architect at my firm.
05:38I mean, Bilson's a pain, sure.
05:40But without this project, I'm probably out of a job.
05:44Right.
05:44Um, it's funny that you mention the project because...
05:47You're an alien.
05:48Keep up the good work, buddy.
05:49Your hair and teeth look fantastic today.
05:52You're shining like a diamond.
05:57I needed that.
05:58All right.
05:59I'm gonna head upstairs and keep working.
06:00I gotta find a way to introduce some wood into Bilson's dark atrium.
06:05I think you know what I meant.
06:10What was that?
06:11I have a thought, okay?
06:13We're paying Ted's firm for two more months of design work no matter what,
06:16so couldn't we just let him keep working and not tell him?
06:20He's had a rough year.
06:21Let's let the guy be happy a little while longer.
06:24Marshall, what you're suggesting is an elaborate long-term lie that requires tremendous commitment.
06:30A nice guy like you can't pull that off.
06:33Sure I can.
06:34Lie to me right now.
06:36Okay.
06:37I have a spaceship.
06:38What kind of fuel powers your spaceship?
06:40Okay.
06:40I don't have a spaceship.
06:41No.
06:42Stand your ground.
06:44If someone questions you, distract them from the original lie with more lies.
06:48Here, let me demonstrate.
06:49I own a pony.
06:50Ask me a question.
06:52Okay.
06:54Um, what color is your pony?
06:56When I first got dandelion, she was a deep chestnut brown.
07:00But sadly, her stable is located near a chemical plant, which contaminated the drinking water.
07:05So over time, she's turned a sickly grayish white color, and there's nothing that the vet can do to fix
07:10her.
07:12God, that's horrible.
07:14Is dandelion gonna be okay?
07:17Okay.
07:18All right.
07:18Huh?
07:19You are good.
07:20Dandelion's not even sick, is she?
07:25So, the building's really dead, and you guys lied to me.
07:29We just did it to protect you, Ted.
07:31I can't believe this.
07:32I just got screwed by my two best friends, and I didn't even know it.
07:38In Canada, that's called a sneaky snowplow.
07:46That building was my dream job, and now it's just gone.
07:50We're so sorry, Ted.
07:52I need a drink.
07:54Poor Ted.
07:55Would I seem heartless if I switched us back to Canadian sex acts?
07:59Not at all.
07:59I'll surprise you waited this long.
08:01What the hell is a two-hand zamboni?
08:03Let's just say, the only thing the woman is wearing is skates on her hands.
08:08Hey!
08:09A Manitoba milk bag?
08:11Okay, it's like a Chicago mustache, but the person on the bottom is wearing a snowsuit.
08:16The Newfoundland lobster trap.
08:18Don't know.
08:19Don't wanna know.
08:20Those newbies are out of control.
08:22Okay, okay, I'm gonna make my first guess.
08:24Okay, but I'll only tell you if you correctly guess the person, the act, and the collection.
08:29Okay, I'm gonna go.
08:31Brian Adams, he collects baseball cards, and he wanted to do a greasy kayak.
08:39No.
08:40Wayne Gretzky, vintage Hot Wheels, a squatting Eskimo.
08:46Nah.
08:47Kiefer Sutherland, souvenir shot glasses, and a sticky flapjack.
08:53Now, that I would've done.
08:56Wait.
08:57Wait, if they pulled the plug on the project a month ago, why have I been going in once
09:01a week to meet with the new headquarters task force?
09:04Well, obviously, you couldn't come in and pitch to Bilson.
09:07So, we invented the task force.
09:10Then it was just a question of putting together the team.
09:14You know Roy Waterman, Vice President of Capital and Risk?
09:18He's actually Roy the janitor.
09:20Hey, uh, excuse me, Roy.
09:22How'd you like to make a few extra bucks?
09:25How naked do I have to get?
09:29Luisa Mendoza, Executive Vice President of Assets.
09:32She's actually Luisa the lunch lady.
09:36Luisa, I need your help with something, but you can't tell anybody.
09:40No hablo ingles.
09:42Exactly.
09:43This is a big secret.
09:45How do you say secret in Spanish?
09:48Albondigas?
09:49Ah, yes.
09:51Albondigas.
09:52This will be our little Albondigas.
09:56Albondigas.
09:57Hey, can I have a couple of meatballs, please?
10:00And Arthur Naismith, the eccentric genius guru of corporate investments.
10:04He's actually Crazy Artie.
10:0715th Street's own one-man band.
10:10Excuse me.
10:10Stop!
10:11Do you have a minute to talk?
10:12Actually, my assistant Reginald makes all my appointments.
10:20We rounded out the group with a few interns and paid everyone 50 bucks to act super interested in what
10:25you were saying.
10:33Reginald, get me out of this for next week.
10:37That was some of the most inspired design work I've done in my entire career. I was so excited.
10:45Alex Trebek, a musty goaltender. Beanie Babies.
10:49Nope.
10:49Damn it.
10:50Wait.
10:51So that explains the thing that happened with Louisa.
10:54Good job, buddy.
10:55Nice, nice.
11:00Listen, Louisa. What are we gonna do about this?
11:07Don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about. I know you feel it, too.
11:12What the hell?
11:15No, no puedo.
11:17Me voy a casar con el señor Barney.
11:20Ay, qué importa. La vida es una.
11:25No, no. No, this is wrong.
11:28For God's sake, you're on the task force.
11:33Is there anything else you want to tell me?
11:36Well, um, you know how you played third base for the GMB softball team?
11:41Yeah.
11:42There is no GMB softball team.
11:44We just rented out a field, rounded up a bunch of guys, and told them to make you the hero.
11:49So my game-winning walk was a lie?
11:53We're sorry, kid, but we knew that you'd be out of work soon, and we just wanted to make you
11:56feel good.
11:57You know, that's what friends do.
11:58Lie to each other?
11:59Sometimes, yeah, to protect each other's feelings.
12:02No way! You never lie to your friends. I would never not be honest with you.
12:06Really? What about that open mic night at the comedy club?
12:09Are you like me, folks? Have you ever thought about how many different kinds of fish there are?
12:15And the names of those fish.
12:21Let's, uh, let's take a little ride.
12:25Trout.
12:26Am I right?
12:27Sturgeon.
12:28I don't think so, pal.
12:31Salmon.
12:32I'm gonna say that again.
12:35Salmon.
12:35Who thought that was a good idea, right?
12:38Bass.
12:39This guy over here knows what I'm talking about.
12:43Halibut.
12:44Thank you. Good night.
12:49How was it?
12:50Oh, you were great. Really funny.
12:52You killed... everyone's Thursday night.
12:57Time out.
12:58You didn't like the fish list?
13:00It was horrible. You just read a list of fish.
13:08Anyway, you guys just proved my point, okay?
13:11You lied to me to protect my feelings.
13:13This is completely different.
13:14I just wasted a month of my life working on a dead project.
13:18That's time I could have spent trying to bring my firm new business.
13:21Instead, I'm gonna go in there tomorrow morning.
13:23I'm probably gonna get fired.
13:25Best case scenario, my boss is gonna ream me out in front of everybody.
13:31Back home, we call that a...
13:32That's that skatoon totem pole.
13:33Yes.
13:34It's on here.
13:41Good morning, lying bastards.
13:44Anything you wanna lie about before I head off to work to get fired?
13:47It's a nice shirt. You're the devil.
13:49Ted, what if we told you that we found you a new project at GNB
13:53where you would be redesigning part of the 20th floor?
13:55Well, if that's a lie, it's an incredibly dull one.
13:59What exactly would I be doing?
14:00This is the 18th floor ETR.
14:03Basically, Bilson wants a room just like this, only two stories up on our floor.
14:07Wait, what's an ETR?
14:09It's the employee transition room.
14:11What does that mean?
14:12Well, it's a space where a supervisor and employee engage in a knowledge transfer
14:17about an impending vocational paradigm shift.
14:21People get fired in here.
14:22That's horrible.
14:24Why do you need a room specifically for firing people?
14:27Well, um, GNB feels that people need a safe, secure space to deal with the news.
14:32Yeah.
14:34It gets pretty real in here.
15:22So, I reluctantly agreed to design a room where people would be fired.
15:26But I was determined to make it my own.
15:28Now, when you leave the dismissal space, you'll exit into what I'm calling the Rebirth Tranquility Hallway.
15:36Uh-oh.
15:37Here, you'll find a soothing oval chamber with a trained grief counselor.
15:42It's right here past the New Beginnings Fountain.
15:44Uh-oh.
15:46And there you have it.
15:47Instead of a drab, dark prison cell, a nurturing womb birthing you into a new life.
15:57I love it.
15:58Really?
15:59Yeah.
16:00Nice work, Ted.
16:02Can you add some of these touches to the existing 18th floor ETR as well?
16:06Absolutely.
16:07Great.
16:07Let's take a look.
16:13Okay, so I'm thinking this wall.
16:15You're fired.
16:16What?
16:17I wanted this room, this exact room, two floors up.
16:21But you're fired!
16:22Now, get the hell out of here.
16:28Hey, honey.
16:35Anyone from the band Rush?
16:37A Montreal meat pie and superhero lunchboxes?
16:41No.
16:43Okay.
16:43Rick Moranis, the reverse Rick Moranis, antique Judaic.
16:49Nuh-uh.
16:50I give up.
16:51I've been guessing for three days.
16:53I-I'm done.
16:54That means I never get to know.
16:56So be it.
16:57Fine.
16:58Tell us!
16:59Tell us!
17:00Tell us!
17:01Okay, you really want to know?
17:02Yes!
17:03Yes!
17:05But this information does not leave this table.
17:09Oh, my God.
17:11I am so excited.
17:13Oh, I'm gonna read it.
17:15Read it.
17:16I'm gonna read it.
17:16Read it.
17:17I'm gonna read it.
17:17Here we go.
17:19The frozen snowshoe.
17:21Old King Clancy.
17:23Harvey's Trace.
17:28Right?
17:29I don't know what any of those words mean.
17:32Is one of those supposed to be a celebrity?
17:35Yeah.
17:36Who the hell is Old King Clancy?
17:40No, that's not the person.
17:41That's the sex act.
17:43It's the same as a Sacramento turtleneck, except with maple syrup.
17:47So the celebrity was Harvey's Strays?
17:50No, that's what he collected.
17:52Harvey's Trace.
17:54You get those classic orange trays you get whenever you eat at Harvey's?
17:58The restaurant?
17:59Well, come on.
18:00You're road tripping down the Trans-Canada Highway.
18:02You get a hunger-on between Milverton and Wawa.
18:05Where are you gonna strap on a feed bag, huh?
18:08Harvey's.
18:08Over 12,000 served.
18:11So the celebrity was...
18:13The frozen snowshoe.
18:16Oh, my God.
18:16You guys have never heard of the frozen snowshoe?
18:19He's only the most famous professional wrestler in Canada.
18:22I met him after he defeated reckless Rick Rogers in the Camelot Memorial Arena back in 02.
18:29Classic match.
18:31So you're saying the frozen snowshoe invited you back to his place to look at Harvey's Trace and asked you
18:40to do an Old King Clancy?
18:42Exactly.
18:43And I'm serious.
18:44You cannot tell anyone.
18:47Well, my hiccups are gone.
18:49Possibly forever.
18:51Canada, you did it again.
18:54You even found a way to ruin this.
18:57Why?
18:58Why do we let you be a country?
19:01Hey, Mr. Meester.
19:03Hey.
19:03Shouldn't you be upstairs designing your big fancy ETR?
19:06I'm off the project.
19:08What?
19:08Bilson fired me.
19:10You're kidding me.
19:11So what does this mean for you at your firm?
19:13Are you gonna get laid off?
19:15Actually, I just quit.
19:18Why?
19:19Because I can't work for big, heartless corporate clients anymore.
19:22When I was pitching to your task force, I was doing the most inspired work of my career.
19:27In a way, you idiots reminded me how much fun my job can be when I'm not answering to the
19:32Bilsons of the world, so I quit.
19:36Wow.
19:37They fired you, didn't they?
19:39Yes, sir.
19:40But I got a sweet severance package, and I've made a big decision.
19:44I'm gonna start my own firm.
19:45Whoa, buddy.
19:46What's the science economy?
19:49So you're not mad?
19:51As it turns out, I'm grateful.
19:56So how did it all go down between you and Bilson?
19:58Well, after he proposed a vocational paradigm shift, I made an impromptu presentation using a four-pronged approach that really
20:06brought him to his knees.
20:07Hit him with a chair?
20:08Yep.
20:08That's my boy.
20:15And this one, I got on the drive from Milverton to Wawa.
20:19Wow.
20:20That's pretty impressive, the frozen snowshoe.
20:23Please.
20:24We're friends.
20:25Just call me Shue.
20:26Have a seat.
20:33So, Shue, how would you like to give me an old King Clancy?
20:45I think you should go.
20:51I think you should go.
21:11We'll see you soon.
21:12Take care.
21:12I think you should go.
21:12Okay.
21:16Bye.
21:16Bye.
21:17Bye.
21:19Bye.
21:21Bye.
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