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Watch How I Met Your Mother () Third Wheel ( AMZN WEB DL x265 Silence) Season 3 Episode 3 online in HD on Dailymotion (2005).
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00:01Kids, I know you think that you've heard every story from back before I met your
00:05mother but there are some stories you tell and some stories you don't. Oh my
00:09God, Barney, how do I, oh my God. Okay, use your words, Ted. Okay. Barney, I'm about to go for
00:17the
00:17belt. The belt? The belt. But that's impossible. You were up here less than half an hour ago.
00:24Yes, advantage Erickson. Don't get cocky. Wimbledon lasts a fortnight.
00:29Fortnite. British words are so cool. Plus did you know lawyers there get to wear wigs? I wear a wig
00:34to work. I'm a jackass. All right, I'm ready. Let's hit it. Can't go tournament. What? We agreed. I
00:41suited up. You take too long to get ready. What are you talking about? I got the low maintenance just
00:45rolled out of bed look. Yeah, which takes an hour and a half of waxing, tugging and teasing to achieve.
00:50And then he starts on his hair. Ace. Look, are we going or not? Just go without us. We'll be
00:56there
00:56in five minutes. Really? Yes. All right. Going down to the bar. I'm ordering three beers.
01:01I'll see you guys in five minutes. Three beers, five minutes. Thanks for letting me move his boots.
01:07Where'd you get them from? The store in the village had one of those crazy sales. It was a footwear
01:12feeding frenzy. I saw him first. You just made the list, bitch. So many questions. Firstly, what do you
01:23think would happen if a guy walked into that store wearing a suit of boots? You look fantastic in them,
01:28Robin. But don't you think they're a little high for that dress? No, that's the point. It's high
01:32the fact that I haven't shaved my legs. I've begun a strict no shave policy for the first three dates.
01:37It's all about self-control. If I don't shave, I must behave. FYI, it doesn't matter, baby.
01:43Guys just want to get on the green. They don't mind going through the rough.
01:49Stenson. All right. The beers are here. Yeah, we're not going to make it. Oh, come on. We agreed.
01:55Did Marshall take his pants off? Yeah, pants are off. This is Wimbledon, Ted. I need the freedom
02:00and mobility that only underwear can provide. Cheerio. Fine. I don't need friends. I got you guys.
02:08You guys are my friends. My cold, refreshing friends. Talking to beer. Ted? Trudy. Trudy.
02:19Oh, my God. I haven't seen you since...
02:24I slept with you then climbed down the fire escape. That was you? Kidding. I was super wasted
02:32that night. These are not all for me. No, I was gonna call you, but I was so embarrassed. You
02:38were
02:38embarrassed? I was like, I really like this guy. Now I'm climbing out his window. And I forgot my
02:43underwear. Those were yours? God, I thought they felt kind of tight. Kidding. I don't wear underwear.
02:48Ladies underwear. Awesome. God, get him. Kidding. I'm so glad I ran into you.
02:55I know. Do you want to get a... Trudy? No way. Oh, my God. Rachel, how are you?
03:03This is Rachel. Hi. Kappa, epsilon, gamma. Woo!
03:09Let me guess. You guys met in prison?
03:12No.
03:13We were sorority sisters. Oh. And best friends forever. All sophomore year. When we weren't at
03:18each other's throats. We could be so competitive. But that's all behind us now. Hey, mister. Hey,
03:25mister. Stay away from my sister. Woo! We have so much catching up to do. Okay. Are you going to
03:31Stacy's wedding? Oh, it's off. Apparently he's into deuce. Again? I'm in her third one. I'm in.
03:36Oh. Well, Beers, what do you want to do? You could stay here, or I know this other place called
03:42Ma Belle. So, Trudy and I got a table. Oh, that's cool. I was going to get out of here
03:47anyway. I'm
03:47really tired. I want you to stay. I'm tired of people who fold early, because I am wide awake.
03:55Okay, guys. Be cool.
04:14Oh, Kazowie! You've been vanquished, old bean.
04:17That's because you distracted me. You've been hanging crumpet ever since the third set.
04:26Stenson! I've got a situation. Trudy is here, you know, from the pineapple incident.
04:31Oh, you mean the girl that chucked your pool cue and snuck down the fire escape? Respect.
04:36So, we're hitting it off, and then a friend shows up, and they're kind of competitive.
04:40I think the new girl's kind of into me. So, you now have two on the line?
04:44And I don't know which one to go for. Well, for the new girl.
04:47Given the choice, always party with Dr. Strangelove. New girl? What new girl?
04:51Two girls are allegedly vying for Ted's affections, and I think...
04:54Oh, you don't know what you're talking about. Give it to me.
04:56Are they friends? Uh, yeah. Uh, no. I don't know. They're old sorority sisters.
05:00Are they betas? Because they're all sluts, and you can tell them right now,
05:03I didn't want to be in their sorority anyway.
05:06They're kappas, and I think I can score with one of them.
05:09I don't know which one, and if I choose wrong, I lose them both.
05:12Okay, well, don't worry. I'll come down and help you figure it out.
05:16I thought we were in for the evening.
05:17That's what I thought about your bangers and mash down there,
05:20but I guess we're both wrong, governor.
05:25Oh, Ted, okay. Settle an argument.
05:27Mm-hmm. Is it stealing if you go out with someone's boyfriend
05:30after they've broken up?
05:32Well, that's very complicated.
05:33See? He agrees with me. You're such a little man thief.
05:36You're the man thief man thief.
05:38Oh, somebody should lock you girls up.
05:42You're so funny.
05:44I think Ted is funny.
05:46Really? I think Ted is hilarious.
05:50I am never not wearing a suit again. Hello?
05:54It's me. I'm at the bar. Don't look. Just call me Mom.
05:57Hi, Mom. How's Dad's colon?
06:00What? What's the matter with you?
06:03Anyway, both of these girls are into you. Take your pick.
06:06They are? Are you sure?
06:07Yes, of course. They're playing with their hair and touching your arm.
06:11Classic green light.
06:13Are you positive?
06:14That is so fascinating.
06:17So, what happened?
06:18Well, after 18 hours of surgery, I closed.
06:20And thankfully, both girls just celebrated their second birthday.
06:23Wow. Gosh. Separating conjoined twins.
06:26That must be the most amazing feeling.
06:29True, but now the parents don't know what to do with a huge supply of four-necked overalls.
06:34That is so funny. You're so funny.
06:39Positive. They both want you bad.
06:41It's a clearance sale and you're the boots, baby.
06:45Oh, it's Robin. Good luck.
06:48Bye, Mom.
06:49My mom.
06:51Well, bring me a razor.
06:53What about the no shave rule? What happened to your convictions?
06:56They've been surgically removed by Dr. Awesome.
06:59No, I'm not doing it. The whole point to not shaving was to...
07:02Lily, please. He's really cute and I really like him and he's got a British accent.
07:07I'm on my way.
07:08So this college boyfriend, who won him?
07:11Neither of us.
07:12He left junior year abroad.
07:15Yeah, it's really too bad because there's that one thing we wanted to do.
07:21We were going to do, but we never did.
07:25What? What? What were you guys going to do but never did?
07:28No, it's too embarrassing. You tell him.
07:30You tell him. I don't care if you don't care.
07:32Well, I don't care. I just...
07:33Nobody cares. Just say it.
07:36Why don't we tell him together?
07:38Okay. On three.
07:41One.
07:42Well, he's right. It's a dead heat.
07:45Two.
07:46Neither one is giving ground. I could not tell who was the third wheel.
07:50Three.
07:51It's a tricycle.
07:53No way, no way, no way.
07:55What's happening?
07:57It's a tricycle.
07:57No way, no way, no way.
07:59It's a tricycle.
08:01Well, I'll just say it right now. All sorority girls are sluts.
08:04Put it on speakers.
08:06So what you're saying to us right now is that you have a shot at the belt?
08:10Wait, wait, wait. What belt?
08:11Well, uh, Barney and I have this running joke that the first guy to actually pull this
08:14off would win the championship belt.
08:16Oh, so it's a metaphorical belt, right? Behold.
08:22You actually bought a belt.
08:24That's right. It's resplendent.
08:26But, come on, it was just a thing we said. We were kidding around.
08:29I never kid. Remember you said if I ever slept with that girl from days of our lives,
08:33I'd be the king? Well...
08:39Well, listen, I told about the belt. I could go for the belt.
08:45If Lily were to die before me, then I could ride the tricycle.
08:49If I died, I would just come back and haunt your penis.
08:52Guys, come on. Help me out. What do I do?
08:55All right, Ted, if you're gonna go for the belt, then the bylaws require me to ask the following questions.
09:00One, is the aggregate age of all participants under 83?
09:03Yes.
09:04Two, is the aggregate weight of all participants under 400 pounds?
09:08Yes.
09:09Theodore Mosby. Are you paying these women?
09:13What? No.
09:15Ted.
09:16No, look, I gotta go. They're gonna think I inherited my dad's imaginary bathroom issues.
09:23Oh, are you guys leaving?
09:24Well, it is getting pretty late.
09:28Right. Well, well, it's been...
09:30Maybe we could all go listen to that Wilco CD you talked about before.
09:34Great. I have it right upstairs. It's in my apartment upstairs. Let's go upstairs.
09:38I'm sorry. Where was your apartment again?
09:41That's funny. I love that. You should tell more jokes in my apartment upstairs.
09:50Scenario number 12. We're in a horrific car crash. You die. I'm left paralyzed. Two sexy nurses
09:56with a six pack of wine coolers, sneaking in my room late at night. I try to blink at them
10:00in Morse code.
10:02Please, don't. I love my dead wife. But they're medical professionals and I gotta think,
10:07somehow, they're saving my life. Fine. Sleep with your nurses. Tonight you ride the unicycle.
10:14Already did this morning.
10:19Hello. Lily, I have pounded three cappuccinos waiting for you. Pretty soon I won't have to
10:24shave. The hair is going to vibrate off my legs. I'm sorry. I can't leave now.
10:28Lily, he can't see my legs like this. I look like a Turkish lesbian.
10:33There is, um, a pharmacy across the street. Would 20 bucks buy me a razor?
10:37No, but 50 will.
10:40Uh, hold on. Ted's texting me. We're combing up SARS.
10:46Combing up SARS? What does that mean?
10:49We're combing upstairs.
10:55Where's my pants? Where's my pants?
10:58Got them.
11:02Ooh, nice place. Hey, are these your roommates?
11:06Yes, uh, yes, but they are not here. They are somewhere else. We have total privacy because
11:13privacy is essential when you're listening to music.
11:17You know what else is essential when you're listening to music?
11:21Music.
11:23That's hilarious. You are hilarious.
11:26I'll go get it in my bedroom. The CD's in my bedroom.
11:29Bedroom. Okay, we'll try and stay out of trouble.
11:32Of course, we can't promise anything.
11:46What are you guys doing here? I've got it. I've got it. I've got it.
11:49We know. We know, Ted. Well done. This is very impressive.
11:52Up top.
11:53Yeah, bro. Up top.
11:54Oh, don't be gross.
11:55You guys need to get out of here right now. Please, take the fire escape.
11:58No, no way. The other day, I saw a pigeon take a crap on it and the whole thing shifted.
12:04You can use our bedroom.
12:06Okay, all I need to seal the deal is the Wilco CD, Barney.
12:14I cannot allow Ted to do this. Why?
12:18Because the belt is my birthright. You can't claim it before I do. That would be like Jimmy Olsen
12:23capturing Lex Luthor while Superman watches impotently from the bedroom.
12:27But Barney, you've done way dirtier stuff than Ted. You're disgusting.
12:32I've never ridden the tricycle. I was on the verge last year. I was so close.
12:40So, ladies, why don't we move this party to a more horizontal location?
12:45Mm-hmm.
12:46Oh, my God! I need carpet. Oh, my God. This is a disaster.
12:49You get the carpet cleaner. I'll get a towel. Okay.
12:51I'll get the video camera.
12:52Get out!
12:53Okay, then.
12:54So, let me get the street.
12:56You're gonna trike block me?
12:57That is so petty. It's like you're...
13:01Tom Petty.
13:01Tom Petty. You're Tom Petty.
13:04Where's Lily?
13:08Still looking for that CD, so...
13:14What are you doing?
13:15I knew it. I had a hunch about that girl, and I was right.
13:22You just made the list, bitch!
13:24You're looking at it first!
13:26I cannot give up my bedroom to a boot thief. She should be punished, not rewarded.
13:30Fine. Then I'll try to work in a little light spanking. Just do this for me.
13:33No, never.
13:34What if I reimburse you for the boots? Full retail.
13:36Please enjoy our bedroom.
13:38Great. Just take it. Okay. Wish me luck.
13:48Oh, my God.
13:53Where's the shaving cream?
13:54Well, you didn't ask me for shaving cream.
13:55Well, it was implied. Who buys a razor without buying shaving cream?
13:58Well, who doesn't shave their legs for a day?
14:00Well, who's not getting a tip because of her attitude?
14:02Well, here's a little tip for you.
14:04Shave your legs before you leave the house, Sasquatch.
14:10Oh, hey, Robin. Um, the valet's brought the car around.
14:13I thought we'd go back to my place, if you're in the mood for a nightcap.
14:16Absolutely. Uh, I just have to go to the ladies' room.
14:19I've got TB. Tiny bladder.
14:24I'll meet you out front.
14:24Yeah.
14:40You've got to be kidding me.
14:45Excuse me.
14:46Sorry.
15:03I'll go.
15:06So, I'm having a little trouble finding the CD.
15:09That's okay.
15:11We don't need music to have fun.
15:14Exactly.
15:16You do like to have fun, don't you, Ted?
15:30It's getting late.
15:31I'll get your coats.
15:36Oh, get your coats?
15:38I don't know why I said that.
15:39Why did I say that?
15:40It's the opposite of what I meant.
15:41I want to take clothes off them, not put more on.
15:43Ted, you're ruining this for everyone.
15:46Leave him alone.
15:48Sometimes even the greatest warriors shoot themselves in the foot.
15:52What are you talking about?
15:54If you must know, it wasn't a freak beverage malfunction
15:57that stopped me from riding the tricycle that night.
16:00So, Barney, why don't we take this party to a more horizontal location?
16:17Oh, no, the night's ruined.
16:20No, baby, it's not.
16:21Yes, it is.
16:21Whatever this night was heading towards is ruined.
16:23Where's my coat?
16:26Why would you do that to yourself?
16:28Because you get up in your head, man.
16:30You start thinking, I can't do this.
16:32It's two women.
16:33That's two of everything.
16:34Four of some things.
16:35The logistics alone are enough to cripple even a pro like me.
16:38So, you have a complete degenerate like Barney choked.
16:41What chance do I have?
16:43The best chance in the world.
16:48Fear took the belt from me.
16:51Fear rode the tricycle that night, my friends.
16:54But fear will not get a second turn.
16:57It won't?
16:58No.
17:00Because I now realize it isn't my destiny to win the belt.
17:03It is my destiny to help my friend win it.
17:08Ted is fated to go there first.
17:11He is our Neil Armstrong.
17:15Space suit up, Ted, because you're going to the moon.
17:18Step one.
17:23Ladies, couldn't find your coats, but I did find tequila.
17:30Wait, wait, wait.
17:31A remote control fireplace?
17:32We don't have a remote control fireplace.
17:33Right.
17:34That's my apartment.
17:35The dressing gown's mine too.
17:37Damn, this should be me.
17:38Anyway, continue.
17:45I am so exhausted.
17:48So exhausted.
17:51Wait, why would I want to tire them out?
17:53That's your excuse to unleash pretext for physical contact number one.
17:59Oh, you give the most amazing foot massage.
18:04It's because I used to practice all the time on my grandmother.
18:11It's endearing.
18:12You're a caregiver.
18:13Never take family values out of the equation.
18:15Step three.
18:18Ted, what's wrong?
18:20I was just thinking about this documentary I saw once.
18:25About something called a super volcano.
18:28Okay, what the hell?
18:30Wait for it.
18:31It can happen at any time.
18:33And obliterate all life on earth.
18:36Which is why I live by three simple words.
18:40Don't postpone joy.
18:45Oh, my God.
18:47That's so true.
18:49Yeah.
18:54Mortality angle.
18:55That's actually pretty good.
18:58I can do this.
19:00Yes, you can.
19:01I can't believe I'm going to say this, but I'm actually moved.
19:04Bring it in, guys.
19:06Oh.
19:10All right.
19:15I'll see you on the other side.
19:44That's good.
19:48so what happened next did you do it doesn't seem right to talk about it what no tell me
19:57don't tell me because you don't have to because you didn't do it you didn't do it you did it
20:03you
20:04did it didn't you did you you didn't do it yes you did you did no you just tell me
20:11some stories you
20:13tell stories you don't because you didn't do it he didn't do it you did it you did it tell
20:22me did
20:22you pet belt did you did you or didn't you did didn't tell me please do you know what he
20:29did
20:32oh hey um would you go in there and see if my date's okay no problem
20:45no nobody's in there but the window's actually open i guess i shouldn't be so surprised i mean
20:52she was acting weird all night right yeah you know why don't i buy you a drink okay
21:00did i overhear that you're a surgeon guilty as charged oh you're so funny
21:09i'm here i'm fine my head is bleeding going down again
21:22you
21:26you
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