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00:09Did I say something wrong? Kate, where are you going?
00:17Kate, what's going on?
00:20Nothing, just need a minute.
00:23Kate, it's me, Lindy Darwin-Paul from Wake Up Australia!
00:27In the flesh. No, no, no.
00:30Well, not in the flesh, exactly, but hey, you'll remember this.
00:33Hello, exercise, bye-bye, thunder thighs. Remember?
00:36Oh, babe, no, you can't walk through stuff. That's a dead person thing.
00:48Good news is, she can see us.
00:50Bad news is, she didn't recognise me.
00:53How is that bad news? How is that news?
00:55Splendid. Now we shall simply parlay with this woman on who lives where, as in we stay and she goes.
01:00Where?
01:00To one of her other properties. As an arrest, she'll have several.
01:03Guys, why are we so obsessed with making her leave?
01:05Now we can finally find out all the important stuff that's happened since we died.
01:09Like, did Freddie Mercury ever settle down with a nice girl?
01:12And is Princess Diana the queen we all knew she would be?
01:15Are Kylie and Jason still together? Oh my God, did the Cold War ever get hot?
01:18Was War 2K a thing?
01:19Did literally everybody do the locomotion or just some people?
01:23Yeah. Be ashamed to burn her out now, boss.
01:26Says the heartless boot who kicked her into a coma.
01:29Under the instruction of a complete motton head.
01:31Guys, I'm happy to be our official ghost-to-breather liaison.
01:36What gives you the authority? You're not in the clergy.
01:39Or an admiral. Or the emperor of Australia.
01:41Okay, learning moment. Um, guys, people these days respect celebrities.
01:46What's a celebrity? Someone who's been on telly.
01:48Or the internet. What's a telly? What's the internet?
01:50What's someone who's been on?
01:53Ghosts. Like, like actual ghosts?
01:55Yeah. Let's go lie down in your bed at the hospital.
01:57I'm sure it's just the drugs coming out of my system,
01:58or like concussion, but they say it's best to stay awake, so...
02:01Oh, hey, don't worry, I totally forgive you.
02:03I mean, it must be super weird seeing a ghost, especially a famous one.
02:07You're intimidated, right? I was intimidated when I met Ralph Harris,
02:11but then he was like, wobble wobble, and I was like,
02:13what? He's harmless? This is a nightmare.
02:15We need to be ruthless, so red is Chuck and green is Keith.
02:18Yeah. Do you mind just starting over there?
02:19I can imagine it brings up all kinds of feelings, you know,
02:22fear, gratitude, arousal.
02:25Hey, Kate, you sure you're all good?
02:26Stop worrying. I just need you to help me with this.
02:28Let's focus on the task at hand.
02:30Hey, Kate, I lost a gold nugget somewhere in the house,
02:34so small favour, could you pull up all the floorboards?
02:37This is June. He's a miner.
02:39Oh, the digging kind. Not like a ghost kid.
02:41That would be sad, but not as sad as, like, a kid down the mines.
02:44Thank God those child labour days are over, right?
02:46Hey, where do they make clothes now?
02:48Kate, are you okay?
02:49Cause, disco ain't, you know?
02:50No, I'm totes fine.
02:51We just need to not get distracted by anyone.
02:54As in by you?
02:56Yes. Yes, because there's no one else here, obviously.
02:58Oh, well, I'm here and June's here
03:00and we're all gonna be best friends.
03:02Hey, should we make a blood pact?
03:03Best friends, brother!
03:09Oh, good. A corpse bride.
03:11I beg your pardon.
03:12My name is Miranda Persephone Bathsheba Munchen,
03:15but I will also respond to Miranda.
03:17You are not real. I'm hallucinating.
03:19Oh, yes. One of my old servants used to talk to herself.
03:23Idiocy, they called it.
03:25Actually, she had your hair.
03:26It's just internalised racism.
03:28I'm a writer, you see.
03:29I'm like Miles Franklin,
03:30except without all that tiresome feminism.
03:33Internalised misogyny.
03:34And you will have the honour of scribbing my debut novel.
03:38Very exciting.
03:39I'll dictate and you type.
03:41Yes?
03:45You are literate, aren't you?
03:47Oi! Hey, no, hey, come back. Listen, listen.
03:49Just wanna talk to you, alright?
03:51Hey, you can't hear ya.
03:52Me and the boys soundproofed the place back in the 90s.
03:54Just so the neighbours couldn't hear the screaming.
03:56From the game nights.
03:59Karaoke, Yahtzee, murder mystery parties.
04:01Oh.
04:02And the murders.
04:04Hey, listen, listen, alright?
04:06I don't need an apology or nothing,
04:08but you overreacting and going to the hospital,
04:10that was a bit much.
04:10Get out of the way!
04:12I'm trying to tell ya, I'm not gonna hurt ya.
04:15I'm barely even here.
04:16I'm made up of, like, dead air and that.
04:18You could walk straight through me
04:19and you wouldn't even feel it.
04:21I walked straight into that one.
04:25Alright, we're even now, yeah?
04:30Now, you.
04:31It's Kate.
04:32Catherine?
04:32Kate!
04:33Catherine, you must understand that we mean you no harm.
04:35We simply wanted you to leave and never come back.
04:37Now, as leader...
04:38And who are you supposed to be? Captain Cooked?
04:40Cook?
04:41James Cook?
04:42The only thing he cooked was his resume.
04:43Man couldn't navigate his way out of a puddle.
04:45Now, in regards to that little bump on your head,
04:48as leader of the ghosts,
04:49it is my responsibility to ensure that Satan takes full responsibility.
04:53Satan?
04:54The Prince of Darkness?
04:56No, my leather-bound first mate,
04:58with the underbite in the skin of a pirate.
05:00Although his real name is Brian,
05:02but I don't believe in changing names willy-nilly,
05:03not in my New Holland.
05:08Dismissed.
05:09Am I, like, too tough?
05:11Okay.
05:11I'm too tough, hey?
05:12So she didn't recognise me.
05:13That's fine.
05:14I mean, she's only one woman,
05:16unemployed, on the verge of a mental breakdown,
05:18just in my exact target market.
05:20I mean, I could tell from her elbows
05:21that she hadn't done my workouts,
05:22but, like, what about my cookbook?
05:24And my Christmas cookbook.
05:26And my after Christmas diet cookbook.
05:27Lynch, mate,
05:28she won't even ballin' when you kicked the bucket.
05:29Dying really derailed my career, huh?
05:31But at least I reached my goal weight.
05:33I'm zero kilos.
05:35Wait.
05:36That's the tape of my show.
05:38Tape?
05:38Pfft.
05:39Who tapes Bricky TV?
05:41Um, two million people tuned in
05:42to Wake Up Australia every morning,
05:44many because of my segments,
05:45like Smoke Your Way to Skinny.
05:46We helped so many new mums.
05:48Oh, I'd murder a dud.
05:52Oh, Kate needs to see this tape.
05:54It proves my icon status.
05:57You take...
05:57You take it to...
05:58You take it to Kate, sir.
06:00Yes, let's go.
06:00Let's take it to Kate.
06:01Off we go.
06:02We are taking it to Kate, aren't we?
06:13Don't worry.
06:14It's not blood.
06:15It's after birth.
06:17I pushed a baby out right there.
06:19Me tenthy was,
06:20so the little bugger practically walked out.
06:23You'll be wanting at least seven
06:25if you're staff in a hotel.
06:26Twelve if they finally put in that railroad.
06:30Oh, yes, I can see you're scared.
06:33Mothering is hard.
06:35But after a few...
06:38It just gets hotter.
06:42Let's say a little prayer now, shall we?
06:45Holy Father above,
06:46let's Kate and her eejit of a husband
06:48with a pitter-patter of little trotters
06:50sow her womb with the seeds of life.
07:03Hey, nice PJs.
07:04No, absolutely not.
07:05Out.
07:06Kate, your husband took something very important to me
07:08and threw it away.
07:09You're not married.
07:10Did I ask?
07:11Hey, mirrors don't work for us anymore.
07:13Am I still Chinese?
07:14What do I look like?
07:15You're very handsome.
07:16Uh, thank you.
07:17Now, about my novel.
07:18Any other room, my bedroom, go.
07:20Look, I don't know what Tash has told you about me,
07:22but, uh, my divorce isn't final yet.
07:24What?
07:24Great, you met Lewis.
07:26Wait, is there a Lewis that you can see too?
07:29He's hooking up the NBN.
07:31Oh.
07:32Oh, hi.
07:33Hi Lewis.
07:34Hi.
07:34Hi.
07:35I am so sorry.
07:36I haven't slept very well, so I'm a little bit frazzled.
07:38Yeah, nah, it's alright.
07:39Look, your two changes are all the same.
07:40You move to the country with dreams of growing your own food
07:43and making your own clothes,
07:44and then you get bored.
07:45And then one night, you drink too much
07:47and one of you say,
07:48maybe we should open things up.
07:49Ooh.
07:50No, no, no.
07:50Not what I meant.
07:51Nah, I get it.
07:52You all have fantasies about the hot NBN guy.
07:54God, what's happening?
07:55I don't know.
07:55You threw out my tape!
07:56He complimented me on my pyjamas.
07:58I assumed that he was a-
07:59A man of taste.
08:00Yeah, I am.
08:01Because I'm an interior designer.
08:03Oh.
08:03And I'm a plumber.
08:04Oh.
08:05And a chippy and a sparky
08:06and a landscaper and a roofer,
08:08which you would know
08:09if you'd ask one single question about me
08:11before trying to get into my tool bag.
08:13Ah.
08:15But no thank you.
08:17Um.
08:18Well.
08:19That's what you get for throwing out my tape.
08:20Because the highest rate of data
08:21will score even a hundred kilometres.
08:23Lewis.
08:24What is happening right now?
08:25This mirror is crazy.
08:27It's not a mirror, you luddite.
08:28It's a time machine.
08:30Like the time machine from the novel.
08:31The time machine.
08:32They're all back to the future.
08:33You can't go back to the future.
08:34Why not?
08:35Maybe if you don't understand the genre,
08:36you shouldn't participate in the conversation, yes?
08:38Mate, you're not smiling at me
08:39because you read a book.
08:40It's called a novel.
08:41Kate, I understand if you have to ignore me
08:43in front of the general public,
08:44my last boyfriend did the same.
08:45But now the general public is gone,
08:47so I wondered if we could be best friends already.
08:49Coffee?
08:49Take me back to hospital.
08:51Good plan.
08:51Everyone wants a famous friend, don't they?
08:53Stop touching the time machine.
08:54Don't you?
08:55Kate?
08:58We'll talk to a doctor.
08:59I'm sure this sort of thing happens all the time.
09:02What?
09:02People are just suddenly hounded by needy ghosts?
09:04What if the doctor fixes her brain
09:06and then she can't see us anymore?
09:07Well then we'll unfix her brain.
09:08How?
09:10I'll get Satan to push her over as many times as necessary.
09:12Aren't you guys excited to, like, meet somebody new?
09:16That girline isn't gonna be your friend.
09:18She's young and alive, you're old and dead.
09:21Now the key will be to run at it at speed.
09:23I mean, I never get to have any female friends
09:25because they're always so jealous of me
09:26because of the way that I...
09:27What are you doing?
09:27I'm going back to the past to tell my past self
09:29not to lose my gold.
09:30But why are you walking backwards?
09:32Because I go back to the past.
09:34No, you go back to the future.
09:36Ah, Satan!
09:37We have been over this.
09:38Huh?
09:38I got two callbacks for young talent time.
09:41I was nominated for best new talent at the low...
09:44Please calm yourself.
09:45I'm sending the house by candlelight.
09:47Lin, dear.
09:48Here I go.
09:48The electricity!
09:49Back to the goldmine.
09:50Bye everyone!
09:51I'm on the cover of TV Week magazine!
09:53Careful!
09:54Now look what you've done.
09:55June could be lost in the past forever.
09:57I'm sorry.
09:59June!
10:00You're the past mate!
10:01I'm in some kind of teacup bowl cave.
10:05Yeah, I'm 90% sure he's in the kitchen.
10:12I'm sure it's just concussion or maybe the stress of living with my boyfriend for the first time
10:16or sudden home ownership.
10:18But I'm seeing people from different time periods and they want things from me all the time, all day.
10:23Now, there's no need to get hysterical.
10:27Excuse me?
10:27It seems the accident brought you so close to death that you gained the ability to see dead people.
10:33Oh!
10:33That's like an actual diagnosable, like a medical condition.
10:36No, not exactly.
10:36Listen, sweetheart.
10:37Like I told my wife, you need to calm down and listen while a man is talking.
10:47Sorry to keep you.
10:49I'm Dr. Green.
10:50Don't worry.
10:51She's good.
10:52For a woman.
10:53So, what seems to be the problem?
10:56In terms of your CT scan, everything looks fine.
11:00Sorry, you did.
11:04Move, move, move those boxes!
11:06Keep it from the pelvis, just like Elvis!
11:08Come on, big boy!
11:09You can do it!
11:11Find your tape!
11:12Why do you want this tape so bad?
11:13Because if I wasn't famous, then who am I?
11:17I just feel like I don't have any friends in the house.
11:21You know, Mum and I were so close.
11:23We shared everything.
11:25Dreams, clothes, men.
11:27What?
11:27With Eileen, there's a generation gap.
11:29I mean, there's like ten gaps.
11:30And with Miranda, she has...
11:32How do I say this?
11:33Stick up her eyes.
11:34No, that's mean!
11:35Although maybe that would be helpful, but she has terrible posture.
11:40Maybe I'm just not best friend material.
11:44What are you talking about?
11:46You're fit.
11:47Pretty hot.
11:48Yeah.
11:49And those are really important best friend qualities.
11:51But I just feel like maybe I wasn't important to anyone.
11:56You know, I wasn't a third commander like Gideon or a wife or a mum.
12:01Yet.
12:04You weren't a mum yet.
12:07Satan, with the amount of Chardonnay I had for breakfast, I was never going to be a mum.
12:09Drunk people have kids all the time.
12:11Look at Eileen.
12:12She's got like 30 of them.
12:14I just mean like I feel like I don't have a best friend that I can talk to in the
12:17house.
12:18And forever feels like a really long time to not have a best friend.
12:27Um...
12:33I mean, you could talk to me, Lindy. We're mates.
12:37Satan, everyone knows that men and women can't be friends.
12:40Someone always falls in love eventually.
12:42Yeah, yeah.
12:43Yeah, eventually.
12:46It's a universal fact. Like how women can't drive and men shouldn't be left alone with children.
12:53Oh...
12:54I don't know. That's a bit harsh, don't you think?
12:57Some women can drive.
12:59Yeah, legally. Yeah.
13:02Yeah.
13:02I don't know.
13:07I don't know.
13:11I don't know.
13:11I don't know.
13:11Oh, hey. How'd you go? You cured?
13:14No.
13:16I'm free!
13:18Hey!
13:22Can we get out of here?
13:24Yeah? Yeah. Come on.
13:26Let's go.
13:28Hey. What happened?
13:29Hey.
13:31Hey.
13:38More pills! Do you have any pills?
13:40I know!
13:41Stop!
13:42No!
13:52Okay, so...
13:54Dead people everywhere.
13:56Yep.
13:57With horrific injuries.
13:59What, Kate? That's awful.
14:01Are they, like...
14:03evil?
14:04Well, one of the ones in there is literally Captain Cook's frenemy, so...
14:07Is there any mob? Like...
14:09Like...
14:09Can you see any ancestors?
14:11No.
14:12I can't.
14:12Oh!
14:13What?
14:13What?
14:14It's the hot Chinese minor.
14:16Okay, you didn't mention he was hot.
14:17Yeah, well, he's also a pantless.
14:19What?
14:20And he's...
14:21Yep, he's right up in my face.
14:22Can you come fix the time machine?
14:23I just ended up in the kitchen.
14:26Um...
14:26Can't they just walk through windows?
14:28Yeah, I don't know why I did that.
14:31Sean, what are we gonna do?
14:33Okay.
14:34You know what?
14:34We just...
14:35We just leave the house.
14:36Yeah?
14:36And we'll deal with all that horrible loan stuff later.
14:44No.
14:45This is my house, Sean.
14:46I'm not leaving.
14:48So they have to.
14:50Yeah.
14:51Yeah.
14:51Yeah, I'll...
14:52You know what?
14:53Why don't we call your mum and...
14:54We can do, like, a smoking ceremony like she did for Uncle Tony last year
14:57and she can just smoke out the bad spirits
15:00and now that I'm looking at you, maybe not.
15:03No.
15:04No.
15:05I don't want to get mum involved.
15:06Sean.
15:07Also, I'm not from here, so it's really not our place.
15:09Valuable teaching moment.
15:12But they don't know that.
15:17Okay, I am giving you one hour to vacate the premises
15:20or I'm smoking you out.
15:21Mob rules.
15:26Why are you laughing?
15:28That isn't how it works.
15:30Mother said ladies who smoke in public are strumpets.
15:32Are you kidding?
15:32Smoking looks cool.
15:34It burns calories.
15:35It helps you breathe shorter.
15:36It's like the only thing in life without a downside.
15:38I'm not smoking ciggies.
15:39I'm gonna smoke you out of here.
15:40I wish you would stop talking about smoking.
15:44That was awesome.
15:45If it was that easy, I would have been sucked off after the fire of 1895.
15:50Wait, sucked off?
15:52Did the pantless guy say that?
15:53It's the process of ascending from this mortal realm to whatever lies above or below.
15:58Egypt.
15:59That's going down.
16:02Was this place a brothel?
16:03No.
16:04Aye, for a short time it was.
16:05Yes.
16:06I am so in the dark.
16:07Bit of ghost logic, Kay.
16:09You stay where you die.
16:10And how you die.
16:11Oh yes, I can see that.
16:13It was a misunderstanding.
16:14Hang on.
16:14So you are all stuck here?
16:16Do you think I would go have a date with these people otherwise?
16:19Stuck is a negative term.
16:21I'm honoured to stand guard over my land.
16:23Always was, always will be.
16:26That's why you'll always be a human kebab.
16:27Oh, I'd murder a kebab.
16:29Sorry!
16:31The electricity fritzes whenever I get upset.
16:33Or excited.
16:34Or horny.
16:35That still happens.
16:36Yeah, I still get stiffies.
16:37Everyone's seen it.
16:38You want to take a look?
16:39Speak for yourselves.
16:40My curtains are practically canvas.
16:42They repel all water.
16:44What, like a dry as a bone?
16:45Aye, as a bone.
16:47Dry as a bone.
16:50What's happening?
16:51Is it working?
16:52Yeah.
16:54Fixing the face box is a little tricky.
16:56The key is actually just remembering the order, which is easy because I've made it a dance.
17:00Okay, so it's yellow knob, red knob, wiggle wiggle, boom, boom, turn around, underground, lights it down.
17:07Oh, that's nonsense.
17:08Oh, that's nonsense.
17:10Oh, they're just convicts.
17:12Spiders.
17:13For some reason they prefer it down here.
17:16Don't ask.
17:16Why not?
17:17Oh, because I don't know.
17:19Sorry, I thought that was obvious.
17:20The dart reminds us of the shit.
17:21Such a magical time.
17:23I thought the conditions were awful.
17:24You've been talking to Gideon.
17:25He was third fleet.
17:27He would say that.
17:28Fake news!
17:29First fleet rules!
17:31Third fleet rules!
17:32First fleet rules!
17:34Third fleet rules!
17:35Hey, hurry up, hurry up.
17:36The spiders are sensing my fear.
17:38Okay, so follow me.
17:39So, I want to go.
17:41Yellow knob, red knob.
17:43Yellow knob, red knob.
17:45And then wiggle, wiggle.
17:47Is that necessary?
17:48Well, your uncle once sat in the dark for a month because he didn't wiggle.
17:52Okay, um, wiggle.
17:55Boom, boom.
17:57Boom, boom.
17:58Turn around.
17:59Turn around.
18:00That one.
18:00Yes.
18:03Underground.
18:04That's it.
18:05Underground.
18:06And there you have it.
18:07Lights it down!
18:09Turn it off!
18:11Turn it off!
18:13Turn it off!
18:13Turn it off!
18:13How'd you do that?
18:14It's Lindy, right?
18:16Yes.
18:17Um.
18:19But you can just call me, this is my new best friend, Lindy.
18:23What?
18:26Are you alright?
18:27Yes.
18:28Good.
18:29I just, I felt so happy that I could die.
18:33Again.
18:34Problem was he wasn't going fast enough.
18:36That's what I said.
18:36That's why he ended up in the kitchen, not the past.
18:38No, don't listen to me.
18:3988 miles an hour.
18:40Alright.
18:41Who wants to watch a bit of Wake Up Australia?
18:43Where's your telly?
18:44What do you think that is?
18:45Well, it's certainly not your time machine.
18:47I told you that, time machines look like cars.
18:49Oh.
18:49Sit down.
18:51Okay.
18:53Welcome to Pump and Dump Mummies.
18:55Just because you're stuck in the house doesn't mean you can't work out.
18:58Oh my god, it's actually you.
19:00Whoa.
19:01You look great.
19:02You're welcome.
19:03Grab anything heavy.
19:04Your man's tinnies will do just fine.
19:06Oh.
19:06Oh, I know her.
19:08My mum had all her videos.
19:09I used to watch them all the time when my parents went to bed.
19:11Oh my god, she's in the room isn't she?
19:14There you go.
19:15Indeed you were famous.
19:16The self polluting young man.
19:17I know.
19:18And it's all I ever wanted.
19:20Until now.
19:21Now I want friendship as well.
19:22Hey babe, can you tell her I was joking?
19:24I was joking.
19:25I was joking obviously.
19:26It's so fine.
19:27Don't worry, you just made her afterlife.
19:29We both did.
19:30Oh.
19:31Get that beer out of the esky.
19:33Yes.
19:34And pass it to your bloke.
19:35Okay.
19:36And remember, if you're hungry.
19:39No you're not.
19:40I actually thought it would get her sucked off, but no.
19:44I will need an explanation for that at some point.
19:47We'll do it then.
19:47We're marching like we're in the army.
19:50Just kidding.
19:51We're girls.
19:52We can't join.
19:53Pick up your knees Cherie.
19:54I saw you have that cheesecake at lunch.
20:00Oh.
20:01And what happened?
20:02Oh.
20:05Uncle Alfred taped over you, sorry.
20:06No, please.
20:07It's all right, Linz.
20:08We'll watch a family movie instead, yeah?
20:10Something like Scarface.
20:11Wait, wait, wait, wait.
20:12I want to see what happens.
20:13My goodness.
20:14That looks exactly like Daddy's Prize Marino.
20:17Prince William Bunty McDaniel.
20:19No, no, no.
20:20Change it.
20:21Is there anything on colonisation?
20:23What's that say?
20:24Colonoscopy.
20:25Oh, that'll be right up your alley.
20:26This is nice, isn't it?
20:29You're in the air.
20:34You're in the air.
20:38You're in the air, yes.
20:40Sorry.
20:42Stage fright.
20:44No, they're not here.
20:46We're alone.
20:47Promise?
20:50Yeah.
20:52Promise.
20:53Mm.
20:55Mm.
20:55Mm.
20:57Hey, so Kate.
20:59I want to know all about your first pash.
21:01Mine was with my cousin Leslie.
21:03That's gross. Can you please get out?
21:04No, it wasn't as bad as you think.
21:05We'd known each other our whole lives, so...
21:07Out.
21:08At least my flatmates had boundaries.
21:09I have boundaries. I just want to know how flexible Kate is.
21:12Out.
21:12Kate, I can't go. It's our first sleepover.
21:15Sleepover club.
21:16Huh?
21:16Sleepover club.
21:31Sleepover club.
22:01Sleepover club.
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