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00:20I am Roy Wood Jr. in the news this week
00:25Kristi Noem goes incognito as she adapts to civilian life
00:35Jesse Waters explains to you what's his type
00:38It's the women drinking margaritas before takeoff
00:42First Lady lists all the things her husband calls Venezuela
00:46Burundi, Cabo Verde, Congo, Costa Rica, Dominican Republic
00:53Ecuador, Equatorial Guinea, Estonia, France, Gambia, Georgia, Ghana, and Guatemala
01:04On Amber's team tonight she's a tech journalist, author, and host of the upcoming CNN series
01:09Kara Swisher Wants to Live Forever
01:11Which will air right after my show
01:13Roy Wood Jr. Wants to Die in About Five Minutes
01:15It's Kara Swisher
01:19And on Michael's team tonight
01:22Joining us from across the pond in Britain
01:24He's a stand-up comedian and podcaster
01:26Who's also appeared on the British version of Have I Good News For You
01:29We won't let him leave until he says
01:31Our show is the better show
01:33It's Nish Kumar
01:36Now for the biggest stories of the week
01:40Everybody watch the clip
01:41Tell me what is the story
01:43All right
01:43It's that guy
01:45Who's that man?
01:46Ooh, it's Ireland
01:47Iran
01:47It's green
01:48PSA
01:48This is any airport in America right now
01:51And that's gas
01:52Yeah
01:53And that guy is fucked
01:56We're painted into a corner in Iran
01:58Also, I mean, it seems like a big story
01:59You got gas prices
02:00You got the Strait of Hormuz
02:02You got the airports
02:04You got all kinds of stuff
02:05Nish, what do you think?
02:05I'd like to start by saying
02:07That I'm here on a work visa
02:09So I just want to be incredibly clear
02:10I am going to be telling people
02:11That I'm Kash Patel's nephew
02:14Can you do the eyes
02:16Or you gotta do the eyes
02:25The story is
02:26With Iran fighting back
02:27And global economic catastrophe looming
02:29It seems that President Trump
02:30Has painted himself
02:31Into a bit of a corner
02:33With this war
02:34I guess we're still calling it
02:36It's an excursion
02:37Whatever the hell you want to call it
02:39It is definitely a war
02:40We have already won
02:42Right?
02:43Or
02:43Look, here's Caroline Leavitt
02:45On Wednesday summing it up
02:46President Trump
02:47That is not bluff
02:47And he is prepared
02:48To unleash hell
02:49Any violence beyond this point
02:51Will be because
02:52The Iranian regime
02:53Refused to understand
02:54They have already been defeated
02:57Well, yay
02:58Doesn't that sound like
02:59A threat from like
03:01Bane from Batman?
03:02Yeah, yeah
03:03You refuse to understand
03:05You have already been defeated
03:07Hey, hey, hey
03:08Watch that accent, Roy
03:09My culture is not your costume
03:10Okay
03:12Well, it's a little unclear
03:13On whether or not
03:14We've won the war or not
03:15But coming into this
03:16This week
03:16Trump backed himself
03:17Into a corner
03:19How did he get himself
03:20Out of that corner this week?
03:22He said
03:22If you don't open
03:24The straight-off
03:24Hormuz in 48 hours
03:26I'm gonna bomb
03:28The shit out of you
03:29And all your energy stuff
03:30And they were like
03:31Yeah, okay, bro
03:31And then
03:3348 hours later
03:34He was like
03:34You know what?
03:36We're gonna give it five days
03:39And then yesterday
03:40And then yesterday he was like
03:40You know what?
03:41We're gonna give it ten days
03:43Because negotiations
03:44Are going so well
03:45Yeah
03:45He's not negotiating
03:47With anybody
03:48You know what he should say
03:49Is have you heard about
03:49The Epstein files
03:50Or something
03:51Yeah
03:53Let's get back to those
03:54Why would that be a problem
03:56With the president posting
03:58That he's having negotiations
04:00Because it's not true?
04:01Not true
04:02Double points
04:03Because it might not have been true
04:07Iran's state TV says that
04:09Trump capitulated
04:10There are no direct or indirect talks
04:13Taking place with the Trump regime
04:15I'm not thrilled
04:17That I trust Iranian state TV
04:22More than I trust my president
04:23I believe them
04:24I don't believe him
04:25Our president insists
04:27That this deal is very real
04:29They want very much to make a deal
04:31We'd like to make a deal too
04:33If it goes well
04:34We're gonna end up with settling this
04:36Otherwise we just keep bombing
04:38Our little hearts out
04:39Now to the people in the relationship
04:41Up here on the panel
04:42Is that an effective negotiating strategy?
04:45Let's work this out
04:46Or I will blow up our home
04:48Are we taking relationship advice
04:50From Donald Trump
04:51Isn't being in a relationship
04:52The only thing he's worse at
04:53Than being president
04:56But yes according to the president
04:58If you don't take the deal
04:59We will blow up the table
05:00Or as Pete Hegssef put it
05:01The next day
05:02We negotiate with bombs
05:04The president has made it clear
05:05That you will not have a nuclear weapon
05:07The war department agrees
05:09Our job is to ensure that
05:10And so we're keeping our hand
05:12On that throttle
05:13As long as it's hard
05:14As is necessary
05:15That's right
05:16As long as it's hard
05:18You keep your hand
05:19On that long and hard throttle
05:22And if that throttle's hard
05:24For more than four hours
05:25You call a doctor
05:27Whenever I see Hegssef and Trump
05:29Together on TV
05:30I always think
05:31Yeah this is a declining empire
05:33And to be fair
05:35I've come from a declining empire
05:36Well to be fair
05:39You come from a fully declined empire
05:41And let me tell you
05:43Lean into the decline baby
05:46Let it all hang out
05:48Well we don't know for sure
05:50Who's negotiating on the Iranian side
05:53Here's who's involved in the deal
05:55On our side
05:56JD is involved
05:58And Marco is involved
05:59And Jared Kushner's involved
06:02Very smart guy
06:03And Steve Whitcoff
06:05Smart guy
06:06Is involved
06:07And I'm involved
06:08I'm involved
06:09I'm going to be so big
06:11I don't want to talk about it
06:12I'm the president
06:13Of the United States
06:15Tom
06:16Did it seem like
06:17He was surprised
06:17That he was involved
06:19Just received the news
06:21Out of that cast of characters
06:23In Trump's cabinet
06:23And who does the Iranian government
06:25Want to talk with the most
06:27Vance
06:28I don't think anyone
06:29Has ever wanted to talk to J.D. Vance
06:31And I would include his wife
06:33And children in that list
06:34Here's the answer
06:36We're hearing from sources
06:37At CNN
06:37Who tell my colleague
06:38Kylie Atwood
06:39That Iran has actually expressed
06:41A preference
06:42For engaging in talks
06:43With the vice president
06:44J.D. Vance
06:45One of the sources
06:46Told us that
06:47The perception is that
06:48Vance would be intent
06:49On wrapping up the conflict
06:51More so than the other officials
06:53Also J.D. Vance
06:54Is the most likely
06:55To become the new
06:56American Ayatollah
06:57So it does make some sense
06:59You know for a fact
07:01That they insist on
07:02Having J.D. Vance
07:04Because they want to see
07:05If his head
07:06Is really that size
07:10They're going to be like
07:11Hey welcome
07:11Try this hat on
07:18He's a one man argument
07:19Against the concept
07:20Of white supremacy
07:23Now our administration
07:25Is saying that
07:26The war is starting
07:27To ramp down
07:27They say that
07:28The Iranian excursion
07:29Is almost over
07:30Question though
07:31What signs
07:33Are happening right now
07:34That might indicate
07:35That we're still at war
07:37Bombs
07:38Bombs
07:40What comes after the bombs
07:41Didn't they send
07:42Another 10,000 troops
07:43Troops
07:44Points right there
07:45Yes
07:45The Wall Street Journal
07:47Reports that the Pentagon
07:48Is weighing sending
07:48Another 10,000
07:50U.S. ground troops
07:51To the Middle East
07:52That's according to
07:54Department of Defense
07:55Officials with knowledge
07:56Of the planning
07:56Yeah because we won
07:58We're going to have
07:58The ticker tape parade
08:00With all those troops
08:02In the middle of Tehran
08:03And they're all going to be
08:03Greeting us like liberators
08:05Our president has sent
08:07The troops but surely
08:08He has a good reason
08:09For sending the troops
08:10He knows more about
08:11The conflict than anyone
08:13Anyone
08:13How does our president
08:15Get his daily updates
08:17About what is happening
08:19In Iran
08:20So he has folded up
08:22A cootie catcher
08:23And then when you come in
08:26He asks you your favorite color
08:28And then number
08:29And then he flips that open
08:32And that will tell him
08:33What has happened
08:36Military officials make
08:37Trump a video update
08:38That shows the biggest
08:39Most successful strikes
08:41Which typically runs
08:43For about two minutes
08:44And mostly shows clips
08:46Of stuff blowing up
08:48I'm actually surprised
08:50He can pay attention
08:50For two minutes
08:52I know I had the under
08:53On that mug
08:55Two minutes
08:56That's pretty great
08:57He's 100% watching that
08:59On the toilet
08:59I'm sorry to tell you
09:00There is no way
09:02That man is not
09:02Watching that
09:03He's getting a video
09:04Compilation of a war
09:05That has the potential
09:07To reshape the entire world
09:09That lasts shorter
09:10Than the top ten highlights
09:12On SportsCenter
09:14But once again
09:15From a visa perspective
09:16I think that is very smart
09:18And it frees him up
09:19To think about other things
09:20In the day
09:20So on Thursday
09:22The president said
09:23Iran is still begging
09:25To make a deal
09:27They are begging to make a deal
09:29Not me
09:30They're begging to make a deal
09:31The Iranian regime
09:32Is now admitting to itself
09:34That they have been
09:36Decisively defeated
09:37They're saying to people
09:40This is a disaster
09:41Let's get back to the whole war thing
09:43Now in the midst of all of this
09:44Back and forth
09:44Of whether or not
09:45We're winning the war
09:46Losing the war
09:46Whether or not there is a war
09:47Iran has found a new weapon
09:50To fight back against America
09:52And Trump specifically
09:54Question
09:55What is Iran's new weapon
09:57Against Trump
09:58Oh videos
09:58Those crazy videos
10:00Those crazy AI videos
10:02Hey Taram
10:02You are fired
10:03You are familiar
10:04With this sentence
10:05Thank you for your attention
10:07To this matter
10:10Thank you for your attention
10:12To this matter
10:12Do you think Trump
10:14Just think that was
10:15Mom Donnie
10:15From New York City
10:18Here is another
10:19Iranian video
10:20Trolling Trump
10:35And they did it
10:37Using his favorite toy
10:38Lego
10:40Lean into the decline
10:44Join us
10:45In the expired
10:47Military powers pile
10:49Yeah this week's
10:50Golden slot bucket
10:51For biggest mess at home
10:52Goes to America's airports
10:54Americans suffer
10:55Hours long wait times
10:57At some of the nation's
10:57Largest airports
10:58Sneaking around
11:00Three different floors
11:01Probably about a quarter
11:02Of a mile
11:03From the main
11:04Checkpoint area
11:05The line continues to go
11:11What is the problem
11:13With the airports
11:14Right now
11:15They aren't paying TSA
11:16So then TSA workers
11:17Aren't showing up
11:18Or they quit
11:19The TSA has been
11:20On the verge
11:20Of a total meltdown
11:21For over a month
11:22Thanks to
11:23Congressional failure
11:24To pass DHS funding
11:26But in the wee hours
11:27Of Friday morning
11:28The Senate approved
11:29Funding for most of DHS
11:31The Senate wakes up
11:33Friday morning
11:33They go
11:34We're going to pay TSA
11:35We're not going to give
11:36More money to ICE
11:37House has to just do
11:38The same thing
11:39Everybody gets paid
11:40How do you think
11:41The House voted
11:42They didn't
11:43And then went on vacation
11:44Oh sure
11:45New legislature
11:46Who dis
11:49Double points
11:51The Republicans said
11:53Not in this house
11:54Breaking news
11:55In the fight to fund
11:56The Department of Homeland Security
11:57Just last hour
11:58Republican House Speaker
11:59Mike Johnson
12:00Railed against the bill
12:02That unanimously passed
12:03And the Republican led
12:04Senate overnight
12:05One of Mike Johnson's issues
12:07With the funding package
12:08Was that it didn't include
12:09Funding for ICE
12:10Who mind you
12:11Is already flush with cash
12:13Thanks to last year's
12:14Big beautiful bill
12:15Here's Johnson
12:16The Republicans are not
12:17Going to be a party
12:18To this
12:19They have taken hostage
12:20The funding processes
12:22Of government
12:22So that they can impose
12:23Their radical agenda
12:24On the American people
12:25When we can't have
12:26Any part of it
12:27Yes the radical agenda
12:28Of paying TSA workers
12:30You know
12:31He's going to make
12:32A great contestant
12:34On Dancing with the Stars
12:37Now meanwhile
12:38While the airports
12:38Are in trouble this week
12:39The acting head of TSA
12:40Told Congress
12:41That airline passengers
12:42Are seeing
12:43Quote
12:43The highest wait times
12:45In history
12:46With over 480 TSA officers
12:48Having quit
12:49Since the shutdown began
12:51But thankfully
12:52One man is ready
12:53To meet the challenge
12:54Who is Trump counting on
12:56To restore order
12:58To America's airports
13:00He-man
13:03Mark Wayne Mullen
13:05You got to say it
13:06Oklahoma, Texas
13:06Oh I got it
13:07Mark Wayne Mullen
13:09Point
13:11Yes
13:12Trump is counting on
13:13Newly confirmed
13:13Secretary of the DHS
13:15And the only beaver
13:17Who wasn't in hoppers
13:18Mark Wayne Mullen
13:20Secretary Mullen
13:21Is the former senator
13:23From Oklahoma
13:24And at his
13:24Swearing in ceremony
13:25This week
13:26Even Trump was surprised
13:28By some of his qualifications
13:29He's the only
13:31Native American
13:31I didn't know that
13:32Huh
13:33Let me look at you
13:34I think that's alright
13:37He's uh
13:38He's got the
13:39He's got great quality
13:40I can tell you
13:41I didn't know that
13:42Native American
13:43Wait a minute
13:47At his swearing in ceremony
13:48Mark Wayne Mullen
13:49Wasted no time
13:50And he took a moment
13:51To discuss meeting
13:52With unpaid DHS workers
13:54They're working with
13:55For free
13:56Because of political politics
13:58That's all I need to know
13:59Political politics
14:00Political politics
14:01That's the worst kind of politics
14:22That's the worst kind of politics
14:28Put a little ice on it
14:29Other airports across the country
14:31Are seeing big changes
14:33As ice is deployed
14:34To assist the TSA
14:36I saw ice person
14:37And it was a black woman
14:40No
14:40Yes I did
14:42I saw her
14:43It's a black woman
14:44I saw her
14:45Yeah
14:45I was like what?
14:46I was shocked
14:48Shocked
14:48And then I was like
14:49Well maybe ice isn't bad
14:51But then I remembered
14:53That's how they get you
14:55This is what they've been doing
14:57For the most part today
14:58Is doing the patrols
15:00Around the airport
15:02Talking and gathering
15:03Not really helping the public
15:05Question
15:05What's the big difference
15:07Between ice agents
15:08Working airport security
15:10And a TSA agent
15:12None of them are trained
15:13To do anything
15:13They're trained to beat
15:15The shit out of people
15:16And they're really good at it
15:17You guys
15:18This is the meathead
15:20Gestapo
15:22Well what's happening
15:23With ice in the airports
15:24Is actually a precursor
15:26Yes
15:26According to former
15:27White House chief strategist
15:29And Chernobyl werewolf
15:30Steve Bannon
15:33And human unmade bed
15:35Because
15:37According to the human
15:38Unmade bed
15:39Steve Bannon
15:40Ice is just warming up
15:43The ice agents
15:44At the airport
15:45They're trained to
15:45Wait for it
15:47Check IDs
15:48That's why it's
15:49Perfect training
15:50For the fall of 2026
15:51Because folks
15:52We're tired of having
15:53Elections stolen
15:54A lot of Republicans
15:55Have already been
15:56Threatening to send ice
15:58To polling places
15:58They've been threatening
15:59That for months
16:00And also voting
16:01Without a passport
16:02Isn't the only freedom
16:04The White House
16:04Is coming for
16:05Question
16:05What other voting right
16:07Does Trump want
16:08To get rid of
16:09Voting
16:10Yeah
16:13Right
16:15But before that
16:16Voting by mail
16:17Which he does
16:18In every election
16:19Here's the president
16:20We're the only country
16:21That does mail-in voting
16:23Mail-in voting means
16:25Mail-in cheating
16:25I call it mail-in cheating
16:27Dozens of other countries
16:28Have mail-in voting
16:29And it's existed in America
16:31Since the Civil War
16:33Which I'm sure
16:35The outcome of which
16:35The president is
16:36Not that happy about either
16:40Why might his campaign
16:41Against mail-in voting
16:42Be a little
16:44Against his own
16:45Votes by mail
16:46He voted by mail
16:47At the last election
16:48He voted by mail
16:49At this election
16:49He just did it
16:50Because of the fact
16:51That I'm president
16:52Of the United States
16:53I did a mail-in ballot
16:54For elections
16:56That took place
16:56In Florida
16:57Because I felt
16:58I should be here
16:59Instead of being
17:00In the beautiful sunshine
17:01Taking
17:03That's right
17:04And I, yeah
17:05And I decided
17:06That I was going to vote
17:07By mail-in ballot
17:08Because I couldn't be there
17:10We'll be right back
17:18Welcome back
17:20It's time for
17:21The offender meter
17:22Teams have to tell us
17:23Who's the offender
17:24What they did
17:24And who they offended
17:26Let us begin
17:27Let's see your offender
17:28Who is that offender
17:30It's a white man
17:31Wearing black lady glasses
17:34He's such a fucking loser
17:37No matter what he does
17:39And I say this
17:40As a proud member
17:41Of the LC
17:41The loser community
17:42That all the money
17:44In the world
17:44Cannot stop you
17:45From looking like
17:46Someone is about
17:46To put you in a bin
17:48But those glasses
17:49Like do something
17:51Right?
17:51They record something?
17:53Yeah they do
17:53They're meta glasses
17:54Yeah
17:55Knowing that bloke
17:56It definitely makes
17:57Whoever you're talking to
17:58Immediately naked
17:59There's no way
18:00That he has not
18:01Got that technology
18:02Going in those
18:03Right well let's see
18:04Who did Mark Zuckerberg
18:05Offend?
18:06He offended a jury
18:07And lost a big case
18:08In California
18:09Well to start
18:10Mark Zuckerberg
18:11Offended kids
18:13Seen here using
18:13A bunch of words
18:14You'll never understand
18:15Because you're old
18:16The thing that annoys me
18:17About all of these people
18:18Is they sort of
18:19Presented themselves
18:20As like this new
18:20Generation of rich people
18:21And we should have
18:22Known that they were bad
18:23Because they called
18:23Themselves disruptors
18:24And disruption is bad
18:26If I go to the
18:27Supermarket right now
18:28And take my penis out
18:30That's extremely
18:32Disruptive
18:33It's low to average
18:35Disruptive
18:37And if I do it
18:38In the freezer aisle
18:39It barely constitutes
18:40An interruption
18:40I was wondering
18:42Where that was going
18:44Yes earlier this week
18:45Verdicts came back
18:46In two cases
18:47Where plaintiffs
18:47Were suing Meta
18:49In New Mexico
18:50After a six week trial
18:51There
18:52It only took
18:53One day of deliberations
18:54Before the jury
18:55Came back with this
18:56A jury in New Mexico
18:57Has ruled that
18:58Meta is liable
19:00For misleading users
19:01And failed to protect
19:03Children from online
19:04Sex predators
19:05The social media giant
19:06Now has to cough up
19:07Speaking of which
19:08I'm sorry
19:08Excuse me
19:10$375 million
19:11In civil penalties
19:13That's a method
19:14Reporter though
19:17You have to cough up
19:19So now
19:20What did state government
19:22Officials do
19:23To show
19:24How Meta
19:25Enables predators
19:27They pretended
19:28They were a 13 year old girl
19:29And immediately got
19:30Child abusers
19:31To
19:32To be attracted to them
19:34Well you know
19:34This show is obviously
19:35A remake of the English show
19:37And we've actually
19:37Back in England
19:38Done a remake of
19:39To Catch a Predator
19:40Which is how we got
19:41Andrew
19:45Yes
19:46Points to Kara
19:47They used decoys
19:49In New Mexico
19:50Adult agents
19:50Created social media accounts
19:52Posing as children
19:5513 years old
19:56Former employees
19:57From Meta
19:57Did not have great things
19:58To say about their employer
19:59Ex-engineer
20:00Arturo Bahar
20:01Said
20:02Quote
20:02The product is very good
20:04At connecting people
20:05With interests
20:06And if your interest
20:07Is little girls
20:08It will be really good
20:10At connecting you
20:12With little girls
20:13So wait
20:14Trump's on Facebook?
20:17Allegedly
20:18Allegedly
20:19The trial in New Mexico
20:20Was the first body blow
20:21To Meta
20:22Another one came from California
20:24To better explain
20:25The California case
20:26Here's CNN's Casey Hunt
20:27Big text
20:28Big tobacco moment
20:29It may have just arrived
20:31A jury in California
20:32Found YouTube and Meta
20:34Liable on all counts
20:35In a social media case
20:36That accused the tech giants
20:38Of intentionally
20:39Addicting a young woman
20:40And causing harm
20:42To her mental health
20:43The verdict ordered
20:44Meta and Google
20:44To pay the young woman
20:45A combined
20:46Six million dollars
20:47In damages
20:49That's a parking ticket
20:50From Mark Zuckerberg
20:51The kind of infinite
20:51Scroll technology
20:52It kind of comes
20:54From slot machines
20:55And stuff
20:55It's deliberately
20:56Addictive to children
20:57Yeah
20:57Meta also got
20:58Some other bad news
21:00This week
21:00Uh
21:01Anyone know
21:02What Meta
21:02Is essentially
21:03Getting rid of?
21:04This guy
21:05Is such a douche
21:06That he made
21:08A whole world
21:09Just so he could
21:10Have some friends
21:11And so few people
21:13Wanted to go
21:14That he's had to
21:14Shut it down
21:17He's unpopular
21:18In a reality
21:19He created
21:22This man is our
21:23Martin Luther King
21:25Martin loser king
21:30This is the way
21:31Zuckerberg
21:31Introduced Meta
21:32Imagine
21:33Put on your glasses
21:34Or headset
21:35And you're instantly
21:36In your home space
21:37Hey
21:37Are you coming?
21:39Yeah
21:39Just gotta find
21:40Something to wear
21:42You know
21:43To be fair
21:44At the time
21:44We all thought
21:45It was douchey
21:45So it's just not
21:47It's not a
21:47No one thought
21:48It would work
21:48Except for him
21:50It's amazing
21:51He's like
21:51Imagine a world
21:52In which
21:52You text someone
21:53Want to go for a beer
21:55And they reply
21:55Yes
21:56Crazy I know
21:59How is our government
22:00Expected to regulate
22:01Algorithms and things
22:02That they don't
22:03Completely understand
22:04Get rid of
22:04Citizens United
22:05Because they
22:06These companies
22:07Are allowed
22:09Or
22:09Or hollow it out
22:11Can you regulate
22:12Social media
22:12In a way
22:13That it's not addictive
22:14Can you regulate
22:15Planes, trains, automobiles
22:17This deli on the corner
22:18Has more regulations
22:19Than Facebook
22:20Or Meta
22:20And so
22:21That kind of
22:22Begs the question
22:22Yeah but the deli
22:23On the corner
22:23Serves egg salad
22:24That's true
22:26Let's see your offender
22:28Who's this offender
22:30Panel
22:30He's the president
22:32Of the Mile High Club
22:32I think
22:33Is that right?
22:34Yeah
22:34Cory Lewandowski
22:36Yes
22:36Kristi Noem's
22:38Alleged
22:38Friend
22:39Yeah that's
22:40Government advisor
22:41Cory Lewandowski
22:42Yes
22:43Government advisor
22:44And special friend
22:45Yeah
22:45It's two titles
22:46Go back to that picture
22:48You look like a
22:49Drunk t-ball coach
22:50Get it together
22:51You little bitches
22:53Cory Lewandowski offended
22:55The CEO
22:56Of the GEO Group
22:57Oh right
22:58Also I'm the only guy
22:59Who apparently
23:00Bids on weird paintings
23:01At auctions
23:02Yeah
23:02The prison guy
23:04Yeah George Zoli
23:05Yes yes indeed
23:06How did Cory Lewandowski
23:07Offend Mr. Zoli
23:09This guy runs the prisons
23:11And Cory Lewandowski
23:12Asked him essentially
23:13For a bribe
23:13That's what he's alleging
23:14And he's like
23:15I only give bribes
23:16Directly to President Trump
23:17Yes George Zoli's company
23:19GEO Group
23:20Is the largest owner
23:21Of detention centers
23:23In the United States
23:24But question to the panel
23:26Does anyone want to remind people
23:28Who Cory Lewandowski is?
23:30He hit on Kristi Noem
23:34He just hit that
23:36Cory was of course
23:38An unpaid special aid
23:39To former Secretary
23:40Of Homeland Security
23:41Kristi Noem
23:41And if you're not sure
23:42What I meant by special aid
23:44Just imagine that I'm
23:45Winking when I say it
23:46And when you say unpaid
23:48You should also wink
23:49When you say it
23:50Because he was making
23:50A lot of money
23:52Recently an NBC News
23:53Investigation revealed
23:54That GEO and several
23:55Other companies
23:57Complained that Lewandowski
23:58Allegedly stood to
24:00Personally profit
24:01From the DHS contracting process
24:04Because all the contracts
24:06Had to go through her
24:07Anything above $100,000
24:09Had to go to her
24:10Yeah in other words
24:11Old Cory was allegedly
24:12Asking government contractors
24:14For bribes
24:15Lewandowski told the founder
24:17Of GEO Group
24:18That he wanted to quote
24:19Be paid in exchange
24:20For protecting and growing
24:22GEO Group's DHS contracts
24:25Protecting and growing
24:26Is doing a lot of work there
24:27Yes Jen Psaki
24:28Yeah
24:29Now according to sources
24:30They met with them
24:31A second time
24:32And when they still
24:33Refused to pay up
24:34Quote
24:35Lewandowski allegedly
24:36Told a senior DHS official
24:38Not to award more contracts
24:41To GEO Group
24:42I'm fine with GEO Group
24:43Not getting any more contracts
24:45For detention centers
24:45I like that
24:46Fuck both those motherfuckers
24:49Soliciting bribes for government contracts
24:50Is clearly illegal
24:51But don't worry
24:52According to the New York Post
24:53Cory has a plan
24:55For any possible crimes
24:57He could be accused of
24:58And charged with
24:59Question to the panel
25:00Does anyone know
25:01What Cory's plan is?
25:03I'm assuming he's just
25:04Counting on a pardon
25:04Right?
25:05I mean isn't that
25:05What everybody in the Trump
25:06Administration is counting on?
25:08Points
25:11According to the Post sources
25:12At one point
25:13Lewandowski said
25:14Quote
25:14I do whatever the fuck I want
25:16DJT will pardon me
25:18That's right
25:19I can do whatever I want
25:20I got a 79 year old friend
25:22His hands kind of rotten
25:24He's gonna save me
25:26So long as he remembers who I am
25:29Panel why is it ironic
25:31That George Zoli
25:32Makes tens of millions of dollars
25:34Detaining immigrants
25:35Is he an immigrant?
25:37That would be the irony
25:38Is he married to an immigrant?
25:39Because it really feels like
25:40A lot of these people
25:42Really hate their wives
25:43That's not fair
25:45They hate all women
25:48Points to Michael
25:49It's because George
25:50Is an immigrant
25:52He was born in Greece
25:54And entered the U.S.
25:55Through Ellis Island
25:56When he was three years old
25:58Yes
25:58This man came as an immigrant
26:00And now is shutting the door
26:02And locking up all the
26:03It'd be like if Fievel
26:04Locked up Ratatouille
26:05Like if Ratatouille
26:06Came over here
26:06And Fievel was like
26:08I don't know you bitch
26:09You cooking bitch
26:10Technically Ratatouille
26:11Could come as a skilled worker
26:13Because he's a very
26:14Very good chef
26:15This is just Stuart
26:16Little erasure
26:17And I won't have it
26:18I won't have it
26:20Because Corey
26:21Was basically an unpaid intern
26:22The federal rules state
26:24That he can only work
26:25For the department
26:26For less than 130 days
26:28So question
26:29How did Corey
26:30Sidestep that rule?
26:32He snuck in
26:33But he came in behind her
26:35So to speak
26:36Yeah
26:37Cara
26:38Come on
26:39Cara
26:39Well he did
26:40This show has definitely
26:41Got way more butt stuff
26:42Than the UK
26:44CNN insists on it
26:46According to sources
26:47Lewandowski
26:48Was sidestepping it by
26:50Arriving or departing
26:51The building
26:51Alongside Miss Noam
26:53So he didn't have to
26:54Use his badge
26:55And when people took notes
26:57On meetings he was in
26:58They didn't use his name
27:00You don't use my name
27:01There's no record
27:02Of me being here
27:02It doesn't count
27:03Against my 130 day max
27:04That was offend-o-meter
27:06We'll be right back
27:18Welcome back
27:20Panel
27:21It is time
27:22For lie curious
27:24I'll give you
27:25Three biographical details
27:26About a public figure
27:27But only one is true
27:28You have to guess
27:29Which is the truth
27:30And which are erroneous
27:31Felonious
27:32Funky lies
27:33Let's get started
27:34Time for three facts
27:36About pop star
27:37Miley Cyrus
27:38Alright
27:39I love her
27:40That's Miley Cyrus
27:42No this is embarrassing
27:43That's Hannah Montana
27:45Our facts are
27:47She owns several plots
27:49Of land on the moon
27:50She started her own line
27:52Of chewing tobacco
27:53She has a paper phobia
27:55Team Amber
27:56Which one is the truth
27:57Owns land on the moon
27:58Is fun
27:59Yeah
28:00My eye is drawn
28:01To paper phobia
28:02Just cause it's so weird
28:04Yeah
28:04Like what even is that
28:06I don't love paper
28:07My friend has a paper phobia
28:08And it's real
28:09And every time he goes
28:11To the bathroom
28:12When we're out
28:13I take the napkin
28:14From under his drink
28:15And I crumple it up
28:16And I put it in his chair
28:17And when he comes back
28:18He sits on it
28:19And he fucking freaks out
28:23I have a follow up question
28:25About his paper phobia
28:26When he goes to the bathroom
28:27Yeah
28:28If he's
28:29I believe
28:30If I may borrow
28:31Some of the local dialect
28:32Dropped a deuce
28:34Nice
28:34How's he wiping up
28:35That mess
28:36Yeah
28:36To be graphic
28:38He wipes it like this
28:48Miley Cyrus has a paper phobia
28:53Last year Miley opened up
28:55About her fear of paper
28:56Here's Miley telling
28:57Jimmy Kimmel
28:59About her big fear
29:00I hate paper
29:02Like looking at that
29:03Makes me want to vomit
29:04The real problem for me
29:06With paper is when
29:07When people have
29:10Dry hands
29:11Dry hands
29:13And they touch paper
29:14And then it's Christmas
29:15And it's cold
29:15And everyone's hands are dry
29:16And they're all touching paper
29:20Let's cleanse the palate
29:21Amber
29:21How do you wipe his ass again
29:23Time for three facts
29:28About former TV journalist
29:30And adult Bratz doll
29:31Lauren Sanchez
29:33Now facts about
29:35Lauren Sanchez are
29:36She was a consultant
29:37On the Christopher Nolan
29:38Movie Dunkirk
29:39She has access
29:41To a secret Amazon
29:43Where everything is free
29:44Her engagement ring
29:46Is made of bones
29:46Team Michael
29:47Engagement ring
29:49Made of bones
29:49That sounds good
29:50Doesn't it
29:50It sounds good
29:51It's real like
29:52Late period
29:53French aristocracy energy
29:55Maybe it was made
29:56Out of the bones
29:56Of Louis XIV
29:57We're going with
29:58Engagement ring
29:59Made of bones
29:59Team Amber
30:01She used to be
30:01A helicopter lady
30:02What
30:03There weren't
30:04Helicopters
30:05In World War II
30:06She flies too
30:07She does pictures
30:08On Instagram
30:09All the time
30:09Her boobs
30:10And flying
30:10And head
30:12I'm a fan
30:13I'm a fan
30:15We will say
30:16She was a consultant
30:17On the movie
30:18Dunkirk
30:19Lauren Sanchez
30:21Lauren Sanchez is a
30:21Helicopter pilot
30:22Who served as a
30:23Consultant on
30:23Christopher Nolan's
30:25Dunkirk
30:26Lauren Sanchez
30:28Also parlayed her
30:29Experience as co-host
30:30Of Good Day L.A.
30:31Into TV reporter roles
30:33On screen
30:33In films like
30:34The Day After Tomorrow
30:35Fantastic Four
30:36White House Down
30:37Ted 2
30:38And We Bought a Zoo
30:40And matter of fact
30:40Here's a clip of her
30:41Doing the same
30:42In the movie Fight Club
30:43That was police
30:44Commissioner Jacobs
30:45Who just arrived
30:46On the scene here
30:47Of a four alarm fire
30:48That broke out
30:48About an hour ago
30:49Live from the
30:50Parker Morris building
30:51Lauren Sanchez
30:52Back to you in the studio
30:53How the fuck
30:54Does Lauren Sanchez
30:55Have a better acting
30:56Career than me
30:59Let's play a mini game
31:00I'll give you the
31:01Famous person
31:02You tell me
31:03What they are afraid of
31:05Panel
31:06What is Barack Obama
31:08Afraid of
31:09Nothing
31:10Nothing
31:15Oh sorry
31:16Michelle
31:17Barack Obama
31:24Is afraid of
31:25Snowmen
31:27Specifically
31:28He said
31:28The snowman
31:29Decorations
31:30At the white house
31:30Freaked him out
31:31Because they had
31:32Quote
31:32A whole kind of
31:33Chucky element
31:34To them
31:36Man up man
31:37It's not like
31:38The snowmen
31:39At the white house
31:39Look all scary
31:40Let's take a look
31:41At them things
31:41Oh my god
31:45This has been
31:45Live Curious
31:46From after the break
31:57Welcome back
31:58It is time for
32:00Missing words
32:02Here's your headline
32:03New York jumps to
32:04Number three
32:05For blank
32:06New York jumps to
32:07Number three
32:08For cities
32:10Where rats have
32:11Nicer apartments
32:12Than you
32:13I read the New York
32:15Post every day
32:15It's alien abductions
32:16Yes
32:17Yes indeed
32:17New York jumps to
32:19Number three
32:20For US
32:21Alien abductions
32:24In a new study
32:25Conducted by
32:26Canadian gambling
32:27Website
32:28Which is
32:29One of our
32:29Major sources
32:31Information
32:32What's happened
32:33To this country
32:33Man
32:34They got rid of
32:35CBS radio
32:36And now you're
32:36Having to get
32:37Your news
32:37From Canadian
32:38Gambling websites
32:40We're doing
32:40The best we can
32:43The state of
32:44New York
32:44Is now
32:45The third most
32:46Likely place
32:47To get abducted
32:48In the United States
32:49Reporting
32:50Over 8300
32:52UFO sightings
32:53Since 1974
32:54Or
32:55Essentially one
32:56For every
32:581003
32:58Residents
32:59Wow
32:59So which state
33:00Won the crown
33:02As the country's
33:03Number one
33:04UFO hotspot
33:05Florida
33:06Ohio
33:06It's a swing state
33:07It's got to be
33:08A swing state
33:09The number one state
33:11For UFO sightings
33:13Is Delaware
33:14What?
33:15Yes
33:16With one sighting
33:17For every
33:19928 residents
33:20Oh
33:21But Delaware
33:21Residents aren't
33:22The only ones
33:23Prone to close
33:23Encounters
33:24Recent appointed
33:25Trump official
33:25Once described
33:26Experiencing
33:27Something
33:27Straight out
33:28Of the X-Files
33:29Question
33:29Does anyone
33:30Know who
33:31This Trump official
33:32Is
33:32Christine Ohm
33:33She looked in
33:34The mirror
33:34And was like
33:35Hey
33:35What planet
33:36Are you from
33:38But it was her
33:39It was herself
33:41The Trump official
33:42Is the head
33:43Of FEMA's
33:44Office of Response
33:45Response and Recovery
33:46Yeah
33:46Greg Phillips
33:47Is a far right
33:48Conspiracy theorist
33:48Who once claimed
33:49On a podcast
33:50That he teleported
33:51To a Waffle House
33:53Which is what
33:54Happens to all of us
33:55When you drink
33:55Dark liquor
33:58Here's Phillips
33:59Telling the story
34:00To the Ownward
34:01Podcast
34:01Last year
34:02I was with my boys
34:03One time
34:03And I was telling
34:05I was going to go
34:06To Waffle House
34:08And I ended up
34:08At a Waffle House
34:09Like 50 miles away
34:11From where I was
34:12In Rome, Georgia
34:13I said that's not
34:14Possible
34:15You just left here
34:15Like I wanted
34:16To go
34:16He's drunk
34:18Then
34:21They wanted me
34:22To go to Waffle House
34:23I went to a Waffle House
34:24And then when I woke up
34:25I was at
34:27Waffle House
34:28But that
34:29Here's your headline
34:30Florida man caught on camera
34:32Allegedly trying to steal
34:34Blank
34:35First base
34:37His own piss
34:38It wasn't his piss
34:40He was trying to steal
34:41Someone's piss
34:42Florida man caught
34:44On camera
34:45Allegedly trying to steal
34:46Septic tanks
34:50It was loads of people's piss
34:54Here's the story
34:55The man tried to take
34:56The septic tank
34:57By towing it
34:58With his 2013
34:58Toyota Corolla
35:01However
35:01He nearly got caught
35:03And drove away
35:03He returned the next day
35:05With a U-Haul
35:06And got it out
35:07There's no police code
35:08For that
35:09There is in Florida
35:12Does anyone know
35:13Why another Florida man
35:14Who goes by the name
35:16Palm Beach Pete
35:17Has been turning heads
35:19This month
35:19Oh no
35:20He's been turning heads
35:21I'm going to show you
35:22A picture of Palm Beach Pete
35:24You look at this picture
35:25And you tell me
35:25What he looks like
35:30Oh my god
35:33That's the unluckiest
35:34Motherfucker
35:35On planet earth
35:36Yes
35:37Palm Beach Pete is making news
35:39Because he keeps getting mistaken
35:40For Jeffrey Epstein
35:43We all know Jeffrey Epstein
35:44The popular New York
35:45Financier
35:48Wow
35:48He's not known for anything else
35:50We know him as the guy
35:51Who tricked our prince
35:52Yes
35:54Here's the original video
35:56Of someone spotting Pete
35:58Pete on the highway
36:01Epstein is alive
36:03So after that TikTok
36:05Goes super viral
36:06How do you think
36:07Palm Beach Pete responded
36:09He shaved his head
36:11Or put on a wig
36:13Or he's a fucking idiot
36:15Or maybe he's leaning into it
36:20And he's hiring himself out
36:22For birthday parties and stuff
36:24Oh god
36:25He's embracing the decline
36:29Whose birthday party
36:30Fuck it
36:32Trumps
36:37Palm Beach Pete had a response
36:40To all the buzz
36:41Here it is
36:42I'm not Jeffrey Epstein
36:43I'm Palm Beach Pete
36:44Not a boy
36:46Yeah
36:46Okay
36:47Peace out
36:48Oh my god
36:50I will just say this
36:51Palm Beach Pete
36:52The more he makes videos
36:53The less he's making the case
36:54For himself
36:56That was missing words
36:57More after the break
37:06Welcome back
37:07It's time for
37:07Which is higher
37:08I'll give you two unrelated numbers
37:10From the news
37:11You tell me
37:11Which is higher
37:12Warmer weather marks
37:14The inaugural
37:16It's Iconic tour
37:18Featuring TLC
37:19Salt-N-Pepa
37:21And En Vogue
37:22Oh wow
37:23It's a solid tour
37:25Which brings us to the question
37:27Which is higher
37:28The number of cities
37:29That the It's Iconic tour
37:30Will be doing shows in
37:32Or the number of cities
37:33That the Oscar Mayer
37:35Wienermobile
37:36Wienermobile
37:37Will be touring
37:37This spring
37:38The Wienermobile
37:40Is everywhere
37:41I agree with you
37:42It's everywhere
37:42But I feel like
37:43All those girl groups
37:46Something's gonna happen
37:46They're gonna end that tour
37:47After three cities
37:48I want them to have 20 dates
37:51And I think I can hit all 20
37:52Because I'm fucking there
37:55The number of cities
37:56That the It's Iconic tour
37:57Will be doing shows in
37:58Is 34 cities
38:01And the number of cities
38:02Where you can find
38:03The Oscar Mayer
38:04Wienermobile
38:05This spring
38:06Is 23
38:08So the number of cities
38:10On the It's Iconic tour
38:12Is higher
38:14Did you know Michael
38:15Fun fact
38:16If you put TLC
38:17Inside of a Wienermobile
38:18You get a chili dog
38:23That's beautiful
38:24I've been very confused
38:26By this whole segment
38:27And it's because
38:28In England
38:29We call the Wienermobile
38:31The banger wagon
38:38Sorry guys
38:39That was
38:40I'm afraid to say
38:41Like gun control
38:42In your healthcare system
38:43That was lost in translation
38:45Believe it or not
38:46There's actually more than one
38:48Of the iconic
38:49Oscar Mayer Wienermobiles
38:50There's six different vehicles
38:52That go out across the country
38:53Depending on what region
38:54Of the country
38:55You're in
38:56But they all meet up
38:57Once a year
38:58At a very special event
39:01Does anyone know
39:03What brings all six
39:05Of them sausages together
39:07Wienerfest
39:08Every year
39:09The six Oscar Mayer
39:11Wienermobiles
39:11Get together
39:12At something called
39:13The Wieny 500
39:14An indie style 500
39:17Wait they race?
39:19Yeah it's a race
39:20Between all six
39:22Of the big hot dog cars
39:23Last year's Wieny 500
39:25Drew more than
39:26Eight million viewers
39:27And 80,000
39:29In person fans
39:30Where is it this year?
39:3280,000 in person fans
39:33And it's easy to see why
39:36Wieny
39:37Stop the entrance
39:40To making the move
39:41Slow dog
39:42Making the move
39:43Up the inside
39:44And the run into the air
39:46The cracks
39:46And over the line
39:48It looks like it's gonna be
39:49The slow dog fire
39:51No
39:53That was with Josiah
39:54We'll be right back
39:58Time for my favorite game
40:00Called
40:01Who's that baby?
40:02I'll show you
40:03A famous person's picture
40:04And you tell me
40:05Boy who that baby
40:06That baby look just like Jimmy
40:09Aww
40:11One they were born in Chicago
40:12But grew up in Jersey
40:14They once won
40:15$100,000
40:16In a poker tournament
40:17And
40:18They're one of two team captains
40:19Appearing each week
40:20On have I got news for you
40:22Oh Michael
40:24That baby is Michael
40:26In your life
40:27Michael
40:28You are the most gorgeous baby
40:30On earth
40:31And yet
40:32I'm an even more gorgeous man
40:35Michael of course
40:37Has an illustrious career
40:38In film and television
40:39But his very first acting credit
40:41Listed on his IMDb page
40:43Is an instructional film
40:44Titled
40:45Cults
40:46Say No Under Pressure
40:48And some good producers
40:50Saw fit to make a safety video
40:52Yes
40:52There is footage
40:56We really need great people
40:57Like you in our group John
40:58We discuss politics too
41:00Like how to improve the world
41:02Yeah it sure is a mess
41:04But I don't have much time
41:05To worry about that
41:06My parents are nagging me
41:08To get good grades
41:09They want me to get a good job
41:11Be a big success
41:12You know
41:12I'd really like to get
41:14To know you better John
41:16A party would be fun
41:18I could use a break
41:24That was who's that baby
41:25I want to thank our guests
41:26Kara Swisher and Nish Kumar
41:28And of course
41:29Thank you to our team captains
41:31Amber Ruffin
41:32And Michael Ian Black
41:33Before we sign off
41:35Here are a few more stories
41:37We're watching
41:38White House debuts
41:40Newest Melania model
41:43Department of War
41:45Debuts new oxymoron
41:49I'm Roy Wood Jr.
41:50And I'll see you in the fall
41:51For more episodes
41:52Of How I Got News For You
41:53And Ben Carson
41:55If you're out there
41:56Send us a signal
41:57Are you okay Ben Carson?
42:00Good night
42:00Thank you're out there
42:02Thank you
42:02What's up there?
42:04There's a petition
42:04For more of the
42:04Cone
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