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00:21Welcome to Have I Got News For You.
00:23I am Roy Wood Jr.
00:25In the news this week.
00:28Despite leadership shakeup,
00:30Kennedy Center still booking
00:31major acts.
00:39A quick look at Americans
00:40checking their 401ks.
00:47Don Jr.'s morning regimen
00:49revealed.
00:50Fentanyl, heroin,
00:52meth, and cocaine.
00:53On Amherstine Tonight,
00:54he's a comedian.
00:55He's been on Kimmel, NPR,
00:57and Comedy Central,
00:57and he's known for hilariously
00:59calling out racism
01:00wherever he sees it.
01:02Michael, maybe you should
01:03leave now.
01:04It's Harry Cundibone.
01:09And joining team Michael,
01:12he's an award-winning journalist
01:13who has won three
01:14Edward R. Murrow Awards
01:16and hosted NPR's
01:17All Things Considered
01:18until last year
01:20when I assume
01:20he ran out of things
01:21to consider.
01:22It's Ari Shapiro.
01:26Now for the biggest
01:28stories of the week.
01:29Amber, Ari,
01:31watch the clips.
01:32Tell me,
01:32what is the story?
01:34Okay,
01:35this is our best friend
01:36and that is a map.
01:38Straight up her moves.
01:39The doors are closed.
01:40So,
01:40I'm just gonna say
01:42this story
01:43is about
01:44how everyone hates us
01:45and they're right.
01:46Yeah.
01:46Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
01:47I agree with that.
01:48Yes, the story is
01:49Donald Trump goes to war
01:50with the world
01:51and people abroad
01:52are not fans of it
01:54but how's it going
01:55here at home?
01:56If you could say
01:56something to President Trump
01:57and he was gonna hear you
01:58right now,
01:59what would it be?
02:01You're a worthless
02:02pile of s***.
02:05And you voted for him
02:06how many times?
02:07Three times.
02:08That was my bad.
02:10Apparently,
02:10I'm an idiot.
02:14Oh,
02:15the most honest person
02:17in America.
02:17Three times.
02:18Now, as the war continues,
02:20President Trump
02:20seems perpetually surprised
02:22that Iran
02:23is actually
02:24fighting back
02:25during a war.
02:27So, now,
02:28Trump,
02:28a man who seems
02:29to burn bridges
02:30while he's only
02:31halfway across the bridge,
02:34has finally realized,
02:35oh, dear,
02:36I need help
02:36from other countries.
02:38How's that getting help
02:39from other countries going?
02:40Yeah, apparently
02:41when you do stuff
02:41without asking people,
02:42they don't want
02:43to help you afterwards.
02:44Here's Vanna Bash
02:45with how some
02:46of our allies responded.
02:47Germany,
02:48this war has nothing
02:48to do with NATO.
02:49It's not NATO's war.
02:50UK,
02:51we will not be drawn
02:51into the wider war.
02:53Italy,
02:53Italy is not part
02:54of the conflict.
02:55Australia,
02:56we will not be sending
02:56a ship to the Strait of Hormuz.
02:58Japan,
02:59we are proceeding
02:59with consideration.
03:01We are considering
03:03his Japanese for,
03:04f*** you.
03:06When Trump met
03:07with the Japanese
03:07Prime Minister,
03:09Sanai Takeshi,
03:10what happened
03:11in the meeting?
03:12He thought
03:12it would be
03:13a great idea
03:13to make a joke
03:14about bombing Pearl Harbor.
03:17Why didn't you tell
03:18US allies
03:20in Europe and Asia
03:22like Japan
03:22about the war
03:24before attacking Iran?
03:25We didn't tell anybody
03:25about it
03:26because we wanted
03:27surprise.
03:29Who knows better
03:30about surprise
03:30than Japan?
03:32Okay?
03:33Why didn't you tell me
03:34about Pearl Harbor?
03:35Okay?
03:36Right?
03:38To be fair,
03:39he got some laughs
03:39in the room.
03:40He got like
03:41two groans.
03:42I'll take it.
03:44Also love,
03:45he did the joke,
03:46it bombed,
03:46and then he goes,
03:47right?
03:48Right.
03:50Ladies know
03:51what I'm talking about,
03:52right?
03:52He made the attack
03:54without telling
03:54the other countries
03:55because normally
03:55in war you go,
03:56hey, I'm going to go
03:57over there
03:57and punch them
03:57in the face,
03:58make sure you got
03:58my back,
03:59but Trump instead
04:00punched people
04:01in the face
04:01and then came back
04:02and go, hey,
04:03I just punched them
04:04in the face.
04:05Would you mind
04:05helping me fight me?
04:08Here he is
04:09hedging his bets.
04:10We have the strongest
04:10military by far
04:12in the world.
04:12We don't need them,
04:13but it's interesting.
04:15I'm almost doing it
04:16in some cases
04:17not because we need them,
04:18but because I want
04:19to find out
04:19how they react.
04:20Oh, he's going
04:21through the stages
04:21of grief.
04:22That's denied.
04:24According to Trump,
04:25it'll be, quote,
04:27very bad for the future
04:28of NATO
04:29if they don't help us.
04:31He's going to bomb NATO.
04:34He's going to bomb
04:34the hell out of NATO.
04:35Britain's former chief
04:36of the defense staff,
04:37doesn't want NATO
04:38to get pulled
04:39into this war.
04:40NATO was created
04:41as an underlying
04:42four times
04:42defensive alliance.
04:44It was not an alliance
04:45that was designed
04:46for one of the allies
04:47to go on a war
04:48of choice
04:48and then oblige
04:50everybody else
04:51to follow.
04:51Is that red thing
04:52his heart rate?
04:55So now Trump's
04:56in a bit of a pickle.
04:57He started a war
04:57that no one wants
04:58to help in
04:59and there's no clear
05:00way out of that war,
05:01but Trump is a scrappy guy
05:02who's always overcome
05:03adversity,
05:04and he's overcome
05:05adversity all by himself.
05:06He doesn't need people.
05:07Is Donald Trump
05:08a self-made man?
05:14The truth of the matter
05:15is that Donald Trump
05:15sees himself
05:17as self-made.
05:18In 2015,
05:19he was asked this question
05:21at an election town hall.
05:22With the exception
05:23of your family,
05:24have you ever been told no?
05:26It has not been easy
05:26for me,
05:27and, you know,
05:28I started off in Brooklyn.
05:29My father gave me
05:30a small loan
05:31of a million dollars?
05:33The only thing
05:34he made himself
05:35was that color.
05:38That's great.
05:41From the very moment
05:42Donald Trump
05:43has started in business,
05:44there has always been
05:45somebody there
05:46to bail him out
05:48when he failed,
05:49and he has failed
05:50a lot.
05:51In fact,
05:51Wikipedia
05:52has a whole category
05:54called
05:55Businesses of Donald Trump
05:57that Went Bankrupt.
05:58And it has
06:0124 separate pages.
06:03Question to the panel.
06:04What is your favorite
06:05failed Donald Trump business?
06:08I like the Trump
06:09Taj Mahal going down.
06:10That was always a big one.
06:11The casino,
06:12the Atlantic City.
06:13because on behalf of India,
06:14fuck you.
06:17Well,
06:18of all the failed
06:18Trump businesses,
06:19there was this one.
06:21The Sharper Image
06:22is one of my favorite stores
06:24with fantastic products
06:26of all kinds.
06:27That's why I'm thrilled
06:28they agree with me.
06:30Trump's steaks
06:31are the world's
06:32greatest steaks,
06:32and I mean that
06:33in every sense of the word.
06:35How many senses
06:36of the word are there?
06:38The bigger question
06:40is why are you
06:40buying a steak
06:41at an electronic store?
06:44According to the former
06:46CEO of Sharper Image,
06:48quote,
06:48we literally sold
06:49almost no steaks.
06:52In every sense
06:53of the word.
06:55So the man
06:56who failed at casinos,
06:57failed at hotels,
06:58failed at steaks
06:58has gotten us
06:59into a war
07:00that he promised
07:01he would never start,
07:02and now he's resorting
07:03to what he always does
07:04when things aren't
07:05going his way.
07:06He blames other people.
07:07Does anyone know
07:08which one of our allies
07:10Trump threw under the bus
07:12on Wednesday night?
07:13He posted this
07:14long-truth social rant
07:15about Israel bombing
07:17an oil and gas field
07:19that was jointly owned
07:20by Qatar and Iran
07:21and Qatar is a U.S. ally
07:23and he said,
07:23Israel will never
07:24do that again
07:25and Qatar,
07:26we're not going to bomb
07:26any more oil and gas fields
07:28and tsk, tsk,
07:30shame on you.
07:30That is correct.
07:31Points to you, Ari.
07:32It was Israel.
07:33Wednesday night
07:34on Truth Social,
07:35Trump posted,
07:36quote,
07:37Israel,
07:37out of anger
07:38for what has taken place
07:39in the Middle East,
07:40has violently lashed out
07:41at a major facility
07:42in Iran.
07:43The United States
07:44knew nothing about
07:45this particular attack.
07:48This particular...
07:49You know how bad
07:49it's got to be
07:50for Trump
07:50to distance himself
07:51from you?
07:52He's still kicking
07:53with Rudy Giuliani.
07:56So Trump is,
07:57uh, cornered,
07:58he's alienated his allies,
08:00angered his supporters,
08:01and even some of his own staff
08:03won't back him up.
08:03There's only one option.
08:05Here's the president
08:06on Wednesday.
08:06I wonder what would happen
08:08if we, quote,
08:09finished off what's left
08:10of the Iranian terror state
08:11and let the countries
08:12that use it,
08:13we don't,
08:14be responsible
08:14for the so-called strait.
08:16That would get some
08:17of our non-responsive allies
08:18in gear and fast,
08:19President DJT.
08:20He misspelled strait.
08:24Maybe it's like
08:25a Gulf of America
08:26type situation.
08:27Right, right, right.
08:27Yeah.
08:28So from now on,
08:29that will be
08:30how it is spelled.
08:33Michael and Ari,
08:34watch the clip.
08:35Tell me,
08:35what is the story?
08:36Capitol Hill.
08:37Okay.
08:38Oh, that's,
08:38that guy,
08:39Bruce Wayne.
08:40Mark Wayne Mullen.
08:40I'm going to go
08:41with Bruce Wayne.
08:41And then,
08:42Cruella de Vil.
08:43Yes, of course.
08:45Cash Patel.
08:46Yeah.
08:46Tulsi Gabbard,
08:47Cash Patel,
08:48went to the Capitol,
08:49and like all meetings
08:51with Trump officials
08:53talking to Congress people,
08:54it did not go well.
08:55The story is,
08:56while Trump's focus
08:57is on other countries,
08:58the Senate was focused
08:59on domestic matters
09:01this last week
09:02at the confirmation hearing
09:03for Trump's nominee
09:04to head of the Department
09:05of Homeland Security,
09:07Senator Mark Wayne Mullen.
09:08Looked like a business
09:09casual woodchuck
09:11right there.
09:13He says there's going to be
09:13three more weeks of winter.
09:15Tell you what,
09:15there's going to be
09:15three more weeks of winter.
09:18Confirmation hearing
09:18is to hold a prospective
09:19appointee's feet to the fire.
09:21And there's nobody better
09:22to do the scrutinizing
09:23than Iowa Senator
09:25Joni Ertz.
09:26I am going to say
09:27to the president,
09:28I am really upset
09:29that he has made
09:30your nomination.
09:32Why?
09:33Because I will be losing
09:35from the Senate
09:35one of the best friends
09:37that I have here.
09:38Truly.
09:43Siri, play End of the Road
09:45by Boyz II Men.
09:48One person really seemed
09:50to lead the charge
09:51against Senator Mullen
09:52in the hearing.
09:53Which Republican was it?
09:55Was it Rand Paul?
09:56The only senator
09:57who has his barber
09:58to make him look like
09:59the dude from The Bear.
10:00Look at that haircut.
10:01Senator Paul gave
10:02a hard no vote
10:04against Mullen
10:05adding, quote,
10:06I think there are
10:07anger issues.
10:09You did many interviews
10:10in which you justified
10:11the violence
10:11as historically justified
10:13by precedents,
10:14such as caning
10:15and dueling.
10:16What I was simply
10:17pointing out
10:18is some of the rules
10:18that still apply
10:19to this body.
10:21For instance,
10:23dueling with two
10:24consenting adults
10:24is still there.
10:26I was pointing out
10:27what is still acceptable.
10:28for 170 years.
10:30There's no precedent
10:32for legal dueling.
10:34We should bring back
10:35dueling.
10:36But only between
10:37two consenting adults.
10:38Well, question,
10:40does anyone know
10:40where Rand and Mark
10:41Wayne's conflicts
10:43began?
10:44When Rand Paul's
10:46neighbor
10:47beat the shit
10:48out of him
10:49and then Mark
10:49Wayne Lohan
10:50said to Rand Paul,
10:51you asshole,
10:52you probably deserved it.
10:53Point!
10:54Yes, it is.
10:55Rand Paul's people
10:56Mark Wayne
10:57goes all the way
10:57back to 2017
10:58after Rand was
10:59assaulted by his
11:00neighbor in a
11:01property line dispute.
11:03After that,
11:03Mark Wayne repeatedly
11:04told a group of voters
11:05that he understood
11:07completely why his
11:08neighbor might want
11:09to attack
11:10Senator Paul.
11:12I don't know
11:12the details of this
11:13dispute with a neighbor,
11:14but I've lived in
11:15Washington and covered
11:16politics long enough
11:17to be able to say
11:18he is, let's just say,
11:19not one of the most
11:20beloved senators
11:21on Capitol Hill.
11:22Why?
11:23Well, I think you
11:24might want to ask
11:25his neighbor.
11:27There seems to be
11:28another element
11:29of Mark Wayne's
11:30past that is
11:31coming back to
11:32Harnham right now.
11:33What part of
11:35Mullen's backstory
11:36is still being
11:37brought into question?
11:38He was a stripper.
11:39No.
11:40What would be
11:41Mark Wayne Mullen's
11:42stripper name?
11:43Mark Wayne Full-on?
11:46What?
11:48Mark Wayne
11:49considered Mullen
11:50full-on,
11:51like a full-on...
11:52Like a boner?
11:53Like a boner, yes.
11:54Oh.
11:55Okay.
11:55Earlier this month,
11:56Mark Wayne went on
11:56Fox News to defend
11:58our attacks on Iran,
11:59and he said this...
12:00War is ugly.
12:01It smells bad,
12:02and if anybody's ever
12:03been there and been
12:04able to smell the-the-the-the-
12:07the war that's
12:08happened around you
12:09and taste it
12:09and fill it in your
12:10nostrils and hear it,
12:12it's something that
12:13you'll never forget.
12:14Fact check true.
12:15Yeah, okay.
12:17But can you taste it?
12:18Can you taste the war?
12:19I personally have
12:19never tasted it,
12:20but maybe he's been
12:21in wars that I haven't
12:21covered as a journalist,
12:22so I'm not gonna...
12:23I'm not gonna yuck
12:24his yum.
12:28After seeing Mark Wayne
12:30talk about the smell
12:31of war, New York rep
12:33and two-time Bronze
12:35Star recipient Pat Ryan
12:37shared the clip
12:38and asked, quote,
12:39Hey, Senator Mullen,
12:40what the actual fuck
12:41are you talking about?
12:42Did I miss a part
12:43of your bio
12:44where you served
12:45in combat
12:46or served in uniform
12:47at all?
12:48Call of Duty
12:49doesn't count.
12:52Bigger question.
12:53Did Rand Paul's
12:54strategy work?
12:55One of the most
12:56reliable rules
12:57of presidential nominations
12:58is if you want
12:59to get somebody
12:59confirmed,
13:00pick a senator
13:00because senators
13:01confirm their own.
13:02That's the rule.
13:03So if Senator
13:04Mark Wayne Mullen
13:05does not get confirmed
13:06as Secretary
13:07of Homeland Security
13:07because of a beef
13:09between Rand Paul
13:10and his neighbor,
13:11that is bonkers.
13:12You would need
13:13some kind
13:13of turncoat
13:14Democrat
13:14to vote for
13:15Mark Wayne Mullen
13:16for this thing
13:17to proceed
13:17and I don't think
13:18that's going to happen.
13:21What?
13:23Mark Wayne Mullen
13:24is moving on
13:25to the fantasy suites
13:26aka the Republican Senate
13:28because the deciding vote
13:30to approve
13:31Mark Wayne Mullen
13:33came from
13:33a Democratic senator,
13:36Pennsylvania king
13:37of the drawstring,
13:39John Fetterman.
13:41Oh no.
13:43Right.
13:44John Fetterman
13:45dressed like a daddy
13:45and got custody
13:46of his kids.
13:48He just wears sweatshirts,
13:50right?
13:50It's just a range
13:51of sweatshirts.
13:51It's his thing.
13:52It wasn't just
13:52Mark Wayne Mullen.
13:53Who else found themselves
13:54in the hot seat
13:55before the Senate
13:56this week?
13:57There was Tulsi
13:57and there was Cash.
13:59Yes.
13:59It was Tulsi Gabbard
14:00aka the National
14:01Intelligence Director
14:02and she like
14:03one of the mamas
14:04at a rough parent
14:05teacher conferences.
14:06Your child
14:07is a piece of shit.
14:10Now a question
14:11to the panel.
14:12Why might Tulsi
14:13be so evasive
14:14in her answers
14:16about the U.S.
14:17strikes on Iran?
14:18Because the president
14:19keeps making claims
14:21about why
14:22we went to war
14:23with Iran
14:24and everything
14:26that he's saying
14:27is contradicted
14:28by the report
14:29that our director
14:30of national intelligence
14:31submitted
14:32to the Congress
14:33and to the president.
14:34Here's what
14:35Tulsi Gabbard
14:36campaigned on
14:37back in 2020.
14:38He's on the brink
14:38of launching
14:39a very stupid
14:40and costly war
14:41with Iran.
14:42We have to stop
14:43President Trump
14:44from starting
14:44a war with Iran
14:45and risk direct
14:46U.S. conflict
14:47with Russia.
14:48Conflict that could
14:49easily lead
14:50to nuclear war.
14:51The U.S.
14:52must not go
14:53to war
14:53with Iran.
14:54And by not go
14:55to war
14:56she meant
14:56we should go
14:57to war with Iran.
15:00That was 2020, Roy.
15:02Yeah.
15:02Things are different now.
15:03Tulsi's testimony
15:04was part of a hearing
15:05on global threats
15:06where we also heard
15:07from FBI director
15:09Kash Patel
15:09looking like he's trying
15:10to get the waiter's
15:11attention
15:11but the waiter
15:12is ignoring him
15:13on purpose.
15:15On Thursday
15:16the House Select
15:17Intelligence Committee
15:18had questions
15:19for Kash over
15:19his firing
15:20of some FBI agents.
15:22Question on
15:23why were the firing
15:24of those FBI agents
15:26so concerning?
15:27Because they would
15:27have come in handy.
15:29We're at war with Iran
15:30and they could have helped.
15:31Points!
15:32I did it!
15:35Kash fired the agents
15:37in charge of
15:38monitoring threats
15:39from Iran.
15:40These last two stories
15:42have been rough, man.
15:43Tulsi Gabbard's a Hindu,
15:44this guy's an Indian.
15:45It's like,
15:46what did I do?
15:48Did you always know
15:49his first name,
15:50full name was Kashyap?
15:51Yeah.
15:52It's like when you find
15:53out like your homeboy's
15:54name is T-Bone
15:55but his real name
15:55is like Douglas.
15:56You're like, really?
15:58Do you think
15:59his dad wanted
16:01to name him
16:01Money Talks?
16:05But instead
16:06they went with
16:06Kashyap?
16:12The big question
16:13people have
16:13for Kash Patel
16:14this week is
16:15what are those?
16:18Oh.
16:19All week,
16:19people have been
16:20roasting the custom
16:21one-of-a-kind
16:22Nike Dunk Lows
16:23that director Patel
16:24debuted at a seminar.
16:25Let's take a closer
16:26look at these sneakers.
16:27I don't know
16:27if there are any
16:28hypebeasts out there
16:29watching but
16:30these are custom.
16:31The number nine
16:32is specific
16:33because Kashyap's
16:34the ninth FBI director
16:35and if you look
16:36on the tongue
16:37it has his personal
16:38K-dollar sign
16:39H logo.
16:41The right shoe
16:42on the back there
16:44that's the FBI model
16:46and then the left shoe
16:47has the Punisher skull
16:48because he's just
16:49a giant fucking dork.
16:51Like why?
16:51I just have to say
16:53I don't like Kash Patel.
16:54I don't like
16:55what he does
16:56but I like
16:57that he's having fun.
17:00I'm going to get
17:01sneakers with my name
17:02on him.
17:03He's showing up
17:04to hockey games.
17:05He's popping champagne.
17:07He's getting silly shoes
17:09made.
17:09It's a good time.
17:10This is what you would do
17:11if you were FBI director.
17:13100%.
17:14Never vote for me.
17:16Never.
17:24Welcome back.
17:25It's time
17:26for the offender meter.
17:27Teams have to tell us
17:28who's the offender,
17:29what they did
17:29and who they offended.
17:31Put an offender
17:32on the screen please.
17:33Who's that offender team?
17:35Is that John Oliver?
17:38After like
17:39eight whoppers maybe.
17:41See I'm a radio guy.
17:42I recognize people's voices.
17:43No idea what anyone looks like.
17:44That sounds like this.
17:46That is Massachusetts
17:49federal judge
17:50Brian Murphy.
17:52Who do you all suspect
17:53that Judge Brian Murphy
17:55offended?
17:55Did he talk shit
17:56about Ben Affleck?
17:58Brian Murphy offended
17:59HHS director
18:01RFK Jr.
18:02Seen here telling children
18:04that Sprite causes lupus.
18:08How did Judge Murphy
18:09offend RFK Jr.?
18:11Did he strike down
18:12the vaccine policy
18:13saying it was not
18:14founded in science?
18:15Point!
18:18On Monday Judge Murphy
18:19blocked RFK
18:20from policy changes
18:21that were recommended
18:22by his handpicked
18:23advisory committee
18:24or as Greg Kelly put it.
18:25Okay so um
18:27we'll have to give kids
18:2872 vaccines
18:29all over again?
18:31Is that what's
18:32going on here?
18:33What was that music?
18:36That was Indiana Jones
18:38running from the boulder music.
18:40The vaccines are coming
18:42you got to run.
18:45The judge said that RFK
18:47and his advisory committee
18:48on immunization practices
18:49had made quote
18:50arbitrary and capricious
18:53changes to the childhood
18:55vaccine schedule
18:56and as part of his decision
18:58Judge Murphy brought up
18:59one very specific case
19:02involving which
19:03musical fan base?
19:05Is it the K-pop people?
19:07No this is domestic baby.
19:09Is it um
19:10insane clown posse?
19:14Juggalos!
19:14Boys!
19:15Juggalos!
19:19Are you for real?
19:20Are you just throwing up shit
19:21from half court here?
19:23In one part of the ruling
19:24Murphy cited
19:25Parsons vs. United States
19:27Department of Justice
19:28which was a case
19:29where the Juggalos
19:30tried to fight
19:31their designation
19:32as a gang.
19:33At this point
19:34I'd rather have
19:35the insane clown posse
19:36in charge of HHS
19:37than RFK Jr.
19:39but at least
19:39we now know
19:41they have an interest
19:41in science.
19:43Water, fire, air and dirt
19:45fucking magnets
19:46how do they work?
19:48We're asking
19:48all the real questions.
19:50Fucking magnets.
19:51They don't want
19:52to tell you
19:52about the magnets
19:53it just works.
19:54You're not allowed
19:55to ask those questions.
19:56We ain't allowed.
19:57Why is it weird
19:58that RFK Jr.
19:59made a bunch of changes
20:00to the vaccine schedule?
20:02When he was
20:02confirmed
20:03they were like
20:04are you going to
20:04change the vaccine schedule?
20:05He was like
20:05nah I'm good
20:05and then he did it
20:07just like Donald Trump
20:08said
20:08I'm not going to
20:08go to war with Iran
20:09and then he did it.
20:10During his confirmation hearings
20:11Kennedy said
20:12he wouldn't change
20:12the existing
20:13vaccine recommendations.
20:15Senator I support vaccines.
20:18I support the
20:20childhood schedule.
20:22I will do that.
20:23I mean the worm
20:24might have eaten
20:25the part of his brain
20:25that remembers saying that.
20:28What if that was
20:28the worm talking?
20:31One committee member
20:32Dr. Kirk Milholm
20:34seen here asking
20:35what it's going to take
20:35to get you into
20:36a new Dodge Stratus.
20:40Dr. Milholm
20:41is a pediatric
20:42cardiologist
20:43who has suggested
20:44that all childhood
20:45vaccines including
20:46shots against polio
20:47and measles
20:48should be optional
20:49because the diseases
20:51no longer pose
20:51the dangers
20:52they once did.
20:54Oh I wonder why
20:55they no longer pose
20:56that danger.
20:57Maybe because
20:58they were eradicated
20:59by vaccines.
21:00Kennedy and his team
21:01have been wreaking havoc
21:02on vaccines in this country
21:03since taking over
21:04reducing the number
21:06of recommended
21:06routine immunizations
21:08children receive
21:09from 17 to 11.
21:12Which diseases
21:13does the CDC
21:14no longer recommend
21:16vaccines for?
21:18Is it gonorrhea?
21:19Yeah.
21:19Cooties?
21:20Mumps,
21:21measles,
21:22rickets.
21:22Some of the illnesses
21:23that the CDC
21:24no longer recommends
21:25children get regularly
21:26vaccinated for
21:27are hepatitis A,
21:28hepatitis B,
21:30rotavirus,
21:30influenza and COVID.
21:33Yes.
21:34Those diseases
21:35build character.
21:35You got to catch them.
21:38A new Axios poll
21:40says that 70%
21:41of Americans
21:42have little
21:43or no trust
21:44in health information
21:46from Kennedy.
21:48I just think
21:48it's hard to take
21:49medical advice
21:50from a guy
21:51that sounds like that.
21:52Like he sounds
21:53like he's dying.
21:54He does not die.
21:55He sounds like
21:56he's actively dying.
21:59Uh,
21:59does anyone know
22:00what other battle
22:01RFK Jr. was fighting
22:02right before Judge Murphy
22:04handed down
22:04this week's decision?
22:06Was he wrestling a shark?
22:07He very well
22:08could have been
22:08wrestling a shark.
22:10Uh,
22:10here's a video
22:11the secretary posted
22:12last weekend.
22:13And here we go.
22:14The crowd is on their feet.
22:16What an entrance.
22:17Muscle takes on the stack.
22:19What power.
22:20A huge suplex.
22:22What a slam.
22:23This is incredible.
22:24That's gotta be AI.
22:26I'm okay with him
22:26fighting Twinkies.
22:29Twinkies don't mold.
22:32That's not normal.
22:33Some of my best friends
22:34are Twinkies.
22:37Let's see your offender.
22:39Oh,
22:40these guys.
22:41Oh,
22:42they're the children
22:43of the corn.
22:45Is the corn
22:46Elon Musk?
22:48Yes.
22:48Yes,
22:49these two are
22:49Justin Fox
22:50and Nate Kavanaugh.
22:52Who did they offend?
22:54They offended you
22:56and I,
22:56my darling.
22:57Keep going, why?
22:58They dismantled
22:59DEI
23:00and they were
23:02talking about
23:03what qualifies
23:05as DEI
23:06and their answers
23:09were basically
23:10anything that has
23:12anything to do
23:13with anyone
23:14who is not white.
23:15Any fucking thing.
23:17It was a bit
23:19of a master class.
23:21Sorry,
23:22master race class.
23:24Points.
23:26Yes,
23:26Justin and Nate
23:27offended former
23:28government employees
23:29by working for Doge
23:31and getting a lot
23:32of people fired.
23:33Now,
23:34Doge is back
23:34in the news
23:35thanks to this.
23:36Former employees
23:37of Elon Musk's
23:38Department of Government
23:39Efficiency
23:40in the hot seat tonight.
23:41Deposition videos
23:42from January
23:43tied to a civil lawsuit
23:44going viral online.
23:46Former Doge staffer
23:48Nathan Kavanaugh
23:49there looked like
23:49he just got his
23:50first couple pubic hairs.
23:53It's always a special day.
23:55You remember that
23:55first two,
23:56three pubic hairs
23:57when it was like,
23:57still waiting.
24:00This is the guy
24:01who weighed in
24:02on how the government
24:03was spending his money.
24:04He was a staffer
24:05at Doge.
24:05How did Nathan decide
24:07what was and wasn't
24:09DEI?
24:10He played roulette
24:11in whatever came up black.
24:13Nathan said he made
24:14personal judgment calls
24:16on what was and wasn't
24:17DEI and lawyers
24:19then asked him
24:20if that even made sense.
24:22Do you think it's
24:23inappropriate in any way
24:24that someone in their
24:2620s with no experience
24:28with grants
24:29for federal government
24:30was making personal
24:31judgment calls
24:32about what grants
24:33to cancel?
24:34Jackson.
24:35No, I don't think
24:36it's inappropriate.
24:39Why not?
24:40I think
24:43a person can have
24:44enough judgment
24:45from reading books.
24:47What books would you
24:48have read that would
24:48have informed your opinion
24:49on what grants
24:50to cancel based on
24:51DEI?
24:51There were no books.
24:57But I know what DEI is.
24:59I am aware.
25:00I understand how
25:00to detect DEI.
25:02I watched two episodes
25:03of Martin and two
25:03episodes of Frasier.
25:06Frasier.
25:06White Frasier.
25:08That's like the
25:09whitish.
25:10You got to have
25:11a control.
25:13You watch Frasier
25:14to understand the
25:15whiteness and then
25:15you move over to
25:16Martin.
25:18It turns out though
25:19they weren't using
25:20books to inform
25:21their cuts over
25:21at Doge.
25:22What did they
25:23base their cuts
25:24on?
25:25I feel like
25:25they used
25:26ChatGPT.
25:27Oh no.
25:30Survey says.
25:32Fox said he used
25:33ChatGPT to help
25:35identify and
25:36eliminate DEI
25:37programs.
25:37I don't like the
25:38word eliminate there.
25:39This meant for
25:40example that Doge
25:41canceled a grant
25:42for a museum's
25:43new HVAC system
25:44because ChatGPT
25:46mistakenly flagged
25:47it as DEI.
25:49Panel, do you
25:50think Kavanaugh
25:51regrets that people
25:52lost their jobs
25:54because of him?
25:55No.
25:55I think he regrets
25:57not having a top
25:59or bottom lip.
26:02No.
26:03He does not
26:03regret it.
26:04Check it out.
26:05You don't regret
26:05that people might
26:06have lost important
26:08income to
26:10support their
26:11lives?
26:12No.
26:12I think it was
26:13more important to
26:14reduce the federal
26:14deficit from $2
26:15trillion to close
26:17to zero.
26:17Did you reduce
26:18the federal
26:19deficit?
26:20No, we didn't.
26:21Where's Rand Paul's
26:22neighbor when you
26:22need him?
26:24But despite not
26:26accomplishing anything,
26:27Nathan still has
26:29fans.
26:29Question, who's
26:31still a fan of
26:31old Nate Dogg
26:32out there in the
26:33world?
26:34Jake Paul.
26:35Power Boys.
26:36Kid Rock.
26:37Nick Fuentes.
26:39Frasier from
26:40Frasier?
26:41Don't put this on
26:42Kelsey Grammar.
26:43Don't you do that
26:44to Kelsey Grammar.
26:45Boy, you better
26:45Google Kelsey Grammar.
26:48Google it.
26:50No.
26:50Yes.
26:51The dog is too.
26:53That's the crazy one.
26:56It is Elon Musk who's
26:58still a fan of
26:59Nate Kavanaugh.
26:59Elon posted a clip
27:00of Nathan and said
27:01it was, quote,
27:03legendarily based.
27:05First off, don't talk
27:06like that, Elon.
27:08Elon Musk makes me
27:09wish Mandela was
27:10meaner to the whites
27:11when he got out of
27:12prison.
27:13He was all like,
27:14truth and
27:15reconciliation.
27:16Truth and
27:17reconciliation.
27:18This is what
27:18happened.
27:20That was a
27:21Fendimeter.
27:34Welcome back.
27:35It is time
27:36for Missing Words.
27:39Here's your headline.
27:40This innovative
27:42Chinese robot
27:43can make you
27:44a blank.
27:45A star.
27:48Can make you
27:49a delicious breakfast,
27:51but then 10 minutes
27:51later, you're hungry again.
27:53Oh.
27:54It rhymes with star,
27:56Amber.
27:56I'll give you that.
27:57It can make you a car.
27:59It can make you go far.
28:01It can open your jar.
28:03This innovative
28:04Chinese robot
28:05can make you
28:05a centaur.
28:07I'm sorry, what?
28:08Yes, a centaur.
28:09Don't act like
28:10y'all don't know
28:11about the horse.
28:11Change the bottom
28:12of my body
28:13to a horse body?
28:14The centaur.
28:15You know,
28:15you got the horse,
28:16you got the horse booty.
28:17You got the four-legged.
28:18That's what I'm saying.
28:19Yeah.
28:20I'm me,
28:21the bottom is pony.
28:22Okay, yeah.
28:23I thought you just
28:24meant the two-legged centaur,
28:25like the pupit.
28:25Oh, no, no, no, no.
28:27That would be ridiculous.
28:32In a new paper
28:33published by
28:34the International
28:34Journal of Robotics
28:36Research,
28:36a team of Chinese
28:37engineers say
28:38that their proposed
28:39human centaur system
28:40helps with weight distribution
28:42for people
28:42who have to carry
28:43heavy things.
28:44And let's just see it
28:45in action first.
28:52Do you need to get,
28:53like, a special
28:56centaur lock
28:56for when you park it
28:57outside, you know,
28:58and you don't want
28:59your centaur
28:59to get stolen?
29:01Yeah.
29:02First off,
29:03you're not gonna
29:03take your centaur
29:04and lock it up outside.
29:06You're gonna take
29:06that centaur inside
29:08because this thing
29:10takes the stairs.
29:18That's gonna get you killed.
29:22Does anyone know
29:23why a San Jose robot
29:24made headlines this week?
29:26I think one of those
29:27Waymo delivery cubes
29:30ran over a duck.
29:34Okay.
29:35The robot in San Jose
29:36made headlines
29:37because he wouldn't
29:38stop dancing
29:39while he trashed
29:40a restaurant.
29:42The staff tried
29:44their best
29:44to get the employee
29:45under control.
29:49Oh!
29:58The last time
29:59I did that,
30:00I kept saying,
30:00I'm good!
30:01I'm good!
30:02Here's your headline.
30:04Judge dismisses
30:05lawsuit from diner
30:06who claimed blank.
30:08Who claimed
30:09that that hair
30:10was yours.
30:13Judge dismisses
30:15lawsuit from diner
30:16who claimed
30:17taco shop salsa
30:18was too spicy!
30:19Oh!
30:21Ah, yes.
30:22Not everybody's
30:23built to live miles.
30:26Is there any indication
30:27if the person
30:28who did the suing
30:29was white?
30:31Do I recall
30:32that that person
30:32was from like
30:33Switzerland
30:33or something like that?
30:34Germany!
30:35Yes!
30:36After trying
30:37the green salsa
30:38at Los Tacos No. 1
30:39at Times Square
30:39taco spot
30:40in 2024,
30:42German tourists
30:43said he suffered
30:44quote,
30:44severe physical
30:46symptoms.
30:47Here's the story.
30:49According to the complaint,
30:50Faisal Mons
30:51said his tongue
30:52burned
30:52and his blood
30:53pressure soared
30:54after eating
30:55the green salsa.
30:56The judge though
30:57dismissed the claim
30:59saying Mons
30:59never inquired
31:01about the salsa
31:02before eating it.
31:03The restaurant argued
31:04salsa
31:05is often spicy.
31:08We've been tourists
31:10in other countries
31:10and you be watching
31:11other people
31:11how they do
31:12their shit
31:12but okay,
31:12I'm a...
31:13It's Germany,
31:14it's not Mars.
31:16After the tourist
31:17told a reporter
31:18to try the dangerous
31:19salsa for himself,
31:21the reporter found
31:22quote,
31:22the salsa was just
31:24wasn't that spicy.
31:28Yes,
31:29probably a Latino
31:29reporter,
31:30Denise Havannero.
31:33The salsa suit
31:34was one
31:35of three
31:36separate lawsuits
31:38the man filed
31:39against New York
31:39area businesses
31:40after his
31:42six-day visit.
31:43Mr. Mons
31:44also sued
31:44a New Jersey
31:45Walmart
31:45for discrimination.
31:47Who's the third
31:48group that he sued?
31:49Black people.
31:51No,
31:52this is an official
31:53organization
31:53that has a defined...
31:55NAACP.
31:58FDNY.
31:59He also sued
32:00the NYPD.
32:02Oh.
32:03Mr. Mons
32:03sued the NYPD
32:04for $10 million
32:05after he says
32:06he tried to report
32:07a crime
32:07and police
32:08failed to respond
32:09to his 911 call
32:11in a timely manner.
32:13Was the crime
32:14that the salsa
32:14was too spicy?
32:16I've never been
32:18pro-police brutality
32:19until this story.
32:22That's Missing Words.
32:23We're after the break.
32:35Welcome back.
32:36It's time for
32:38Meet in the Middle
32:38where we find
32:39common ground
32:40between two
32:41different people.
32:42All right.
32:43On one side
32:44we have
32:44John Fetterman,
32:45Ruth Bader Ginsburg,
32:46Mark Levin,
32:47and Hugh Hefner.
32:49And on the other side
32:50there's Katie Britt,
32:51Nellie,
32:52Secretary of Veteran Affairs
32:53Doug Collins,
32:54and Winnie the Pooh.
32:56First up
32:57we've got
32:57Insane Brown Posse.
32:59Which two of these people
33:00worked for UPS?
33:02Team Michael.
33:02So,
33:03John Fetterman.
33:04He still looks like
33:05he works for UPS.
33:06Definitely John Fetterman.
33:08And...
33:09Katie Britt?
33:10Yep.
33:10We're going to go
33:11Fetterman and Katie Britt.
33:12Okay.
33:13Fetterman's big enough
33:14to carry
33:15multiple packages.
33:16He's like
33:17Frankenstein.
33:18He could do it.
33:20Yep.
33:21John Fetterman and Nellie
33:22both worked for UPS.
33:26John Fetterman posted
33:27this throwback pic
33:28of him driving
33:29a UPS truck
33:30back in the day.
33:31Oh my God.
33:32What happened?
33:34Oh.
33:35Why is his body
33:37so big
33:37and his head
33:38is so small?
33:40So Fetterman
33:41worked for UPS
33:42as did Nellie.
33:44My first job
33:45that actually
33:46paid better
33:47was UPS
33:48and that's the one
33:49I like to say
33:49I took pride in
33:50because
33:51you know
33:51that was like
33:52nine bucks an hour.
33:53I thought I was the man.
33:54Yeah.
33:54That's a lot.
33:57Alright.
33:58Let's do
33:58We're Here
33:59We're Cheer
34:00Get Used To It.
34:02Which two of these people
34:03were high school
34:04cheerleaders?
34:05Team Amber?
34:06Well
34:06Hefner probably was.
34:08That's possible.
34:10And I would say
34:11girl lady.
34:12Yeah.
34:13Yeah I agree with that.
34:14I want to say
34:15Doug Collins.
34:16Great.
34:16Doug Collins on the right.
34:17And I like the idea
34:18of Mark Levin
34:20in a little skirt
34:21so much
34:22that I want to go
34:23with Mark Levin.
34:23I don't need to know that.
34:26Ruth Bader Ginsburg
34:27and Katie Britt
34:28were high school
34:30cheerleaders.
34:31RPG.
34:32And according
34:33to her yearbook
34:33from James Madison
34:34High School
34:34in Brooklyn
34:35Justice Ginsburg
34:37was a member
34:38of the Twirlers.
34:40Oh.
34:41Yeah she was
34:42in the Twirlers
34:42for just a little
34:44too long
34:44and people were like
34:45shouldn't you
34:45stop twirling
34:46and she was like
34:47nah
34:47I'm going to keep
34:48twirling
34:49but yeah
34:49if you quit
34:50twirling now
34:51before you die
34:52then we could get
34:52some new younger
34:53twirlers in.
34:57Next up
34:58we've got
34:58holy scrap.
34:59Which two
35:00of these people
35:01were really
35:01really into
35:03scrapbooking?
35:04I would say
35:04squinty guy.
35:06Okay.
35:07Glasses.
35:07Glasses left.
35:08And
35:08glasses right.
35:11For some reason
35:12I know that
35:13Hugh Hefner
35:14in his later years
35:15was big
35:17into scrapbooking.
35:18That was a thing
35:19that he would do
35:19with his many wives.
35:21Oh.
35:21So Doug Collins
35:22and Hugh Hefner.
35:23Hugh Hefner
35:23and Secretary
35:24of Veteran Affairs
35:25Doug Collins
35:26were both
35:28into scrapbooking.
35:29Before Collins
35:29was elected
35:30to Congress
35:30in 2012
35:31he actually
35:32owned a
35:33scrapbooking company.
35:35And Hugh Hefner
35:36was really
35:37into scrapbooking.
35:38Uh Michael
35:38here's a picture
35:39of Hef
35:40with the scrapbooks.
35:41Oh.
35:42There is some
35:43blackmail fodder there.
35:45Yeah you know
35:45them pages
35:46stuck together though
35:46they can't get
35:47to blackmail.
35:49I'm kidding you.
35:50Uh Hef had
35:51around 3,000
35:53scrapbooks
35:54but shockingly
35:55that wasn't
35:55even his worst
35:56advice.
35:56Question.
35:57What addiction
35:58did Hugh Hefner
36:00share with
36:01rapper Fat Joe?
36:02Uh Viagra.
36:04Metamucil?
36:05Hugh Hefner
36:06and Fat Joe
36:07were both
36:07addicted to
36:08Diet Pepsi.
36:10At his peak
36:12Hugh Hefner
36:12was drinking
36:13up to
36:1330
36:14Diet Pepsis
36:16a day.
36:1730!
36:18And not only
36:19was Hugh Hefner
36:20drinking up to
36:2130 a day
36:21so was Fat Joe.
36:23I got a problem.
36:2530, 40 a day.
36:27Let me tell you
36:27something.
36:28If I went to
36:28the doctor
36:29God forbid
36:30and they tell me
36:31yo you have a problem
36:32due to Diet Pepsi
36:33I gotta take the
36:34shit on the chip.
36:35I gotta just be like
36:37I knew I was just
36:38doing too much
36:39with them Diet Pepsi.
36:44I feel like
36:45if your worst
36:46vices are Diet Pepsi
36:47and scrapbooking
36:49your life is a
36:50little more boring
36:50than I thought
36:51Hugh Hefner's
36:51life was.
36:53We didn't get
36:54to Mark Levin
36:55and Winnie the Pooh
36:56but between the
36:57rumors about Levin
36:58and Pooh's
36:58friendship with
36:59Piglet
36:59both of them
37:00are associated
37:01with a tiny hog.
37:02More after the break.
37:11Welcome back.
37:13It's time for
37:14Which is Higher?
37:15I'll give you
37:15two unrelated numbers
37:17from the news.
37:18You tell me
37:19which is higher?
37:20Now St. Patrick's Day
37:22was this week
37:23so it's the perfect time
37:25if you're at the house
37:26kick back
37:27and re-watch
37:28the entire
37:29Leprechaun movie franchise.
37:31Oh.
37:32I rocked with
37:33Warwick Davis
37:33and the Leprechauns
37:34which brings us
37:35to the question
37:36which is higher?
37:37The number of films
37:39where Warwick Davis
37:40played the title role
37:41in the Leprechaun movie
37:43franchise
37:43or
37:44the total number
37:45of Mission Impossible
37:47movies?
37:48I think it's Tom Cruise.
37:49I think it's Tom Cruise
37:50and I've always
37:51thought that.
37:52Okay.
37:53So you think
37:53there's more
37:54Mission Impossible movies
37:55than Leprechaun movies
37:56with Warwick Davis?
37:57That's right.
37:58Okay.
37:58Team Michael.
37:59I feel like
37:59this is a trick question.
38:00I feel like
38:01obviously there's
38:02more Mission Impossible movies
38:03which makes me think
38:04it's actually
38:05the Leprechaun.
38:05How many
38:05Mission Impossibles
38:06do you see?
38:07Like six?
38:08Seven?
38:08There's at least eight
38:09if not 20.
38:10I don't know.
38:12The number of films
38:13where Warwick Davis
38:14plays the title role
38:15in the Leprechaun movie
38:16franchise is six.
38:18Ooh.
38:18And the total number
38:19of Mission Impossible movies
38:20is eight.
38:22Ah.
38:22So the number
38:23of Mission Impossible movies
38:24is indeed higher.
38:27Now if you don't know
38:27the Leprechaun movie
38:28franchise
38:29I know there's
38:29some young'uns in here
38:30you watch all this
38:31new stuff on TikTok
38:32Leprechaun is a
38:33beautiful franchise
38:34about a little
38:34evil green dude
38:35and he run around
38:36and all he want
38:37is his gold.
38:41Question.
38:43Which of these
38:43is a real
38:45Leprechaun movie title?
38:47Is it
38:47Leprechaun
38:48over the rainbow?
38:49Leprechaun
38:49versus gnome?
38:51Or Leprechaun
38:51in the hood?
38:52Team Michael.
38:53It's got to be
38:54Leprechaun in the hood.
38:55Really?
38:55I want it to be
38:56Leprechaun in the hood.
38:58I had a long night
39:00and I didn't know
39:00what else to watch
39:01and
39:03the answer
39:04is Leprechaun
39:05in the hood.
39:07Yes.
39:08The real movie
39:09is Leprechaun
39:10in the hood.
39:12Question.
39:13In Leprechaun
39:14in the hood
39:14this is just for you
39:15all right.
39:17In Leprechaun
39:18in the hood
39:19does the Leprechaun
39:21wrap?
39:22I want the answer
39:24to be yes.
39:24I'm going to say
39:25yes, yes.
39:26Damn right he does.
39:29Will you show us
39:31the rap?
39:31Okay, okay, okay.
39:31It's fine.
39:32It's fine that
39:33he raps in the movie,
39:34okay?
39:35But we aren't going
39:36to be showing that.
39:37All right?
39:39All right?
39:39We don't want
39:40no one wants to see it.
39:41Let's just skip
39:42to flip your
39:43fucking card over
39:44and read the next thing.
39:46I can't live like this.
39:48Leprechaun wrap it.
39:49From the Emerald Isle
39:50to your place
39:50in the hood
39:51I'm the man of green
39:52come to do no good.
39:53Lep in the hood
39:54come to do no good.
39:55Lep in the hood?
39:57Wow.
39:59I don't like this job
40:01or the people here.
40:05That was Witch's Hire.
40:11Time for a game
40:12called
40:13Who's That Baby?
40:15All right.
40:16Let's see that baby.
40:17Oh, the baby.
40:19First clue,
40:20they are not eligible
40:21to run for president.
40:22They played a kindergarten
40:23teacher in a movie.
40:24And they are probably
40:26the only California governor
40:27who can bitch
40:28press 500 pounds.
40:29Wow.
40:30Gavin Newsom.
40:33It's Arnold Schwarzenegger.
40:34Yes, it is Arnold Schwarzenegger.
40:38And you can...
40:38Oh, same expression.
40:40Ran out of muscle milk.
40:41Nowadays, every celebrity
40:42is selling something.
40:44They always have commercials
40:45and they're influencing us
40:46and doing endorsements.
40:48Oh, Arnold had a commercial
40:49over there,
40:49out there in Japan.
40:50I'm going to show you
40:51a few seconds
40:52of an Arnold Schwarzenegger
40:54commercial.
40:55Yeah.
40:55And I want you all
40:56to tell me
40:56what product
40:57you think it's selling.
41:04What is that ad selling?
41:07Deodorant.
41:08The pants.
41:09Ooh.
41:11Here's what the Arnold
41:11Schwarzenegger commercial
41:12was selling.
41:22The yen was strong.
41:25That was
41:26Who's That Baby?
41:27I want to thank our guest.
41:28Harry Condobolo
41:29and Ari Shapiro.
41:32And of course,
41:33thank you to our team,
41:34Captains Amber Ruffin
41:35and Michael Ian Black.
41:37Here are a few more stories
41:39we're watching.
41:40Man spoils the end
41:42of Conclave.
41:45VP dazzles crowd
41:46with Invisible Bass solo.
41:50I'm Roy Wood Jr.
41:51And I'll see you next week
41:52for another episode
41:52of Have I Got News for You.
41:54And I'm available
41:55to be the new
41:57Bachelorette
41:57tonight.
41:58bee,
41:59bee,
42:00bee,
42:00bee, bee,
42:01bee,
42:02bee, bee,
42:03bee, bee, bee.
42:05the 1st from
42:05the Will.
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