- 12 hours ago
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TVTranscript
00:04Don't worry cowboy. I'll let you live. But it will be worse.
00:19It will be worse because I'll be all around you. Far into the desert.
00:26In everything you hear, my name will be there. In everything you see, my name will be there.
00:37In the whispering wind, my name will be there. Under each heavy footstep you take, is my name.
00:46My name will be that wall you endlessly run into.
00:55And you'll be afraid cowboy. Afraid, even of your shadow.
01:01No.
01:02No.
01:13We are losing it.
01:15I'm dirty.
01:19But anyway that can be a piece of bread.
01:22Me.
01:22I don't know.
02:05Lincoln's convoy passed through here.
02:08Not far from where we used to live.
02:13You okay?
02:15I'm doing well. Why?
02:16Well, we're gonna have to face the man who almost killed you.
02:18It's more like he's gonna have to face us.
02:21Okay, so here we are.
02:23I'm being serious and you're acting all tough.
02:25Well, of course I am because we're three against one.
02:27And together we're stronger.
02:30I'm so scared something will happen to you.
03:15It's the convoy. Looks like they're boxed in.
03:20Look at the soldiers on the ground.
03:21The bodies with the gray and red uniforms are sentinels and the president's personal guard.
03:25You are obviously blindsided.
03:30In everything you hear, in everything you see, my name will be there.
03:36Yoo-hoo.
03:37Hey, analysis of the situation.
03:40Okay.
03:42Uphill there are shooters hiding in the rocks.
03:44Downhill the wagons have been blown up.
03:46But no cannon fire.
03:48So either they're out of artillery, or they've been sabotaged like that one.
03:54Did you hear that cracking?
03:55It's a Sharps 59.
03:56It's coming from the wagons.
04:00There's a sniper keeping the enemy in check.
04:02With all the sentinels that have fallen, he won't hold that long.
04:05In other words, we need to figure out how to cross a 300-yard open field with a bunch of
04:10heavily-armed, trigger-happy idiots watching us.
04:13Yeah.
04:14We're gonna need a battle plan that's...
04:17daring.
04:18And prudent.
04:20Suicidal.
04:21Stupid, then.
04:22Stupid.
04:41Come on.
04:42Over there!
04:45Stupid.
05:00What?
05:01Sorry, but in the odyssey it worked and Ulysses hid under the sheep's bellies.
05:03There's no problem.
05:04Bushes don't walk!
05:05What was your idea?
05:06You drew a blank.
05:15Speed fire!
05:20I surrender!
05:21No more lives!
05:25Do you hear me?
05:27I surrender!
05:29But my wind jester doesn't!
05:34It's the president!
05:40Move it!
05:40Hurry up!
05:47Hurry!
05:51Hell of a change, recover!
05:57They should leave us alone for a while.
06:00Abraham Lincoln, 16th president of the United States, ready to serve.
06:05I'm so happy to see you, Luke.
06:06How long has it been?
06:07Almost three years, Mr. President.
06:08That's so funny.
06:09I was thinking of old friends and how I should invite them to Washington and pal.
06:13Here we are together under siege in New Mexico.
06:15Talk about kismet.
06:16We're not here by chance, Mr. President.
06:18What do you mean?
06:24There's gonna be a coup?
06:25Come on, we just won the election.
06:27Really, these guys have no patience.
06:28No, but they do have guns, Mr. President.
06:30So we're here to rescue you.
06:32Oh, is that why you brought your team?
06:33Now I get it.
06:35Between us, the lonesome cowboy, who doesn't wash, talk, or smile.
06:39A bit outdated and cliche, if you know what I mean.
06:41It does make me sad, though.
06:43Are your defenses strong?
06:44Yes.
06:45Of course.
06:45At least so far.
06:47They attacked us by surprise, but my men fought truth and nail.
06:50I sent a fire team behind enemy lines to neutralize their cannons.
06:54The mission must have been successful, otherwise they would have wiped us out.
06:57But none of them came back alive.
06:59Ever since then, we've held on.
07:01Did you try to escape?
07:02Of course, but from above, they've got us surrounded on all three sides.
07:05And ever since they captured our wagon over there, they've closed our rear flank.
07:09Okay, we're surrounded.
07:11However, luckily, we have an excellent sniper to keep the enemy in check.
07:17Me.
07:30I've always been a Wild West man at heart.
07:32I can feel it in my bones.
07:33It awakens something in me.
07:34I feel so much more alive.
07:36And if there's one thing that I've learned so far...
07:38It's that the river rat needs to come home right now.
07:44The river rat needs to come home right now.
07:46The river rat can right now?
07:49It's a code.
07:50I sent him to retrieve the ammo off the bodies.
07:53River rat Bambini!
07:54I mean Corporal Bambini!
07:56Come back right away!
07:58Impossible!
07:59What do you mean impossible?
08:00What's wrong with you?
08:02What are you waiting for Bambini?
08:04For Congress to pass a law against lazy activists!
08:07It's the president!
08:08Look over there.
08:12It must be one of the men I sent to sabotage the cannons over there.
08:22Come on, hurry up!
08:26That's all?
08:27How many are there?
08:2837!
08:30Count them again.
08:36I lost hope, Sergeant.
08:39Piers, Mr. President.
08:47I'm the only survivor.
08:49It's as bad as Gettysburg.
08:50It's not a pretty sight.
08:53Permission to resupply and go back and fight, Mr. President.
08:56All their cannons are destroyed, but they still have shooters.
08:58Nice work, Sergeant.
09:00Come on.
09:01Hey, the other side of the lines.
09:03Did you see where the enemy was hiding?
09:05Yeah.
09:06Why?
09:07Because we're going to need you.
09:15Well, we don't have enough bullets to hold them off.
09:17Oh, well, Bambini can always go and find some.
09:19That won't help in the long run.
09:22Mr. President, we have to attempt a breakout.
09:24You want us to flee?
09:25Like Southerners?
09:26I don't take sides, Mr. President.
09:28I take action.
09:30This is the rallying point.
09:32We are in the middle.
09:34The enemy is here and here.
09:37Because you already eliminated 23 of their men, they will have to redeploy.
09:41He's right.
09:42Thanks to the President's sharpshooting on their left flank, they all rallied here and found shelter on the higher ground.
09:49Which means that by crossing both of their firing angles...
09:56Now there's a blind spot.
09:58But the last ten yards before the rallying point is exposed to rain.
10:02Which means we'll die.
10:05Unless, of course, we could cover our entire bodies with metal plates.
10:09Look at these.
10:09They put a bunch of these all over the wagons.
10:12We'll slide these under our clothes to protect us.
10:14We're going to destroy them.
10:17Mr. President, with all due respect to you, I honestly doubt that we'll ever want to...
10:20Well, if push comes to shove, it fails.
10:22We run away.
10:23Z wins.
10:24The system collapses.
10:25She kills people and makes Bampini her toy.
10:27Wait, what?
10:28No, why would I become her toy?
10:29And as for me, I'll fake my own death.
10:32Then I'll come join your little team.
10:34Then, all together, we can go to the plains of South Dakota.
10:38Just a bunch of outlaws hunting outlaws, tracking men and rewards, the renegades.
10:43Okay.
10:44Or we evacuate in two separate groups.
10:46You three, go with Pierce and Bampini to find reinforcements.
10:49They've already crossed enemy lines, they'll be able to guide you.
10:51The men and I, we'll create a diversion to fool them.
10:54They'll concentrate their gunfire on us, so you can escape.
10:56We'll hold them for as long as necessary.
11:01Let's go.
11:14You can't stay here.
11:16I mean, we need you.
11:17With us.
11:19Right now, they need my help here.
11:20What if something goes wrong?
11:25I've got things to tell you.
11:27One more reason to save the country and its freedom of speech.
11:34Don't worry.
11:45You'll take care of the girls.
11:47I mean, all of them.
11:50Everyone.
12:05Hey, you okay?
12:06No.
12:09For courage.
12:16Mr. President?
12:18Would you like some?
12:21Just a second.
12:22Can I try?
12:32I know that smell.
12:34And I know you.
12:37It's chloroform.
12:38It's chloro-what?
12:42What the hell's going on, Pierce?
12:43That's not Pierce.
12:45He took the uniform off his dead body.
12:48But he forgot this little detail.
12:52The red badge of courage.
12:54It's for those who fought in Pittsburgh.
12:56Except he couldn't have been there.
12:58It happened on the same day as the worst battle he ever saw.
13:01Gettysburg.
13:02Almost 200 miles from Pittsburgh.
13:05Sentinels!
13:16I know you.
13:20I know you.
13:31I know you.
13:33I know you.
13:44I don't know.
14:10I don't know.
14:35All of your weapons pointed the right way?
14:52We've been waiting for your signal.
15:05I don't know.
15:07I don't know.
15:20I don't know.
15:22I don't know.
15:25I don't know.
15:30I don't know.
15:41I don't know.
15:43I don't know.
15:44I don't know.
15:51I don't know.
16:05I don't know.
16:18I put you all the way over here so you can enjoy the scent of the pine trees.
16:23It's impressive how smells can bring back memories.
16:26As I recall, we're not far away.
16:29It's like coming home.
16:30You can smell gunpowder.
16:34Fear.
16:35Blood.
16:44Hey, look at me when I'm talking to you.
16:47Look at the one who spared your life.
16:50Wouldn't he could have easily killed you instead?
16:53You're dead.
17:20Time to get back home.
17:23Eight letters, one period, and it's over.
17:33You really think I'm gonna hand you over New Mexico?
17:35Yes, and in all legality.
17:37A first step in renewing the United States.
17:39We're plunging into chaos?
17:41How dare you mention chaos?
17:42When you've destroyed all our values, you promised everything to the people,
17:46including freedom to all, freedom to speak, think, and own land.
17:49That's not what the people need.
17:50All they need is order and rules to follow, to know where their place is.
17:54So I'll make sure it all gets restored.
17:56I'll empathy and progress, even your pathetic abolition.
17:59I'll dismantle everything.
18:00Yeah, great fantasy you've got there.
18:03How many men do you have left? Four.
18:07That's the exact number of times I'll politely ask-
18:09And I politely ask you to fuck off now!
18:16One down, and next will be your private, and I'll rip his eyes out.
18:19After that, your corporal.
18:21Not her toy.
18:23Not her toy.
18:36Not her toy.
18:38I'll sign.
18:43I'll sign.
18:44Come on.
18:57You're in trouble.
18:58This is bad.
19:03This is bad.
19:20Why are you smiling?
19:21I just located my finger.
19:24And that makes you smile?
19:26Yeah, it's the right one.
19:33Thank you for such a presidential gesture.
19:36And God bless America.
19:37My dad will bless your America.
19:41Maybe you should ask him for me.
20:05Long live the state of new New Mexico!
20:10This is the start of a new era.
20:14Finally, we have obtained what we wanted.
20:20No, don't go!
20:26The declaration!
20:27She stole my declaration!
20:32Come on, guys!
20:33Let's put her down!
20:36What is that shit?
20:48Your daughter's got courage.
20:50You didn't raise her so badly after all.
20:52It almost pains me to have to do this.
20:56Damn it!
21:03You have to save our Luis.
21:11You have to save our Luis.
21:15You have to save our Luis.
21:18You have to save our Luis.
21:19You have to save our Luis.
21:21You have to save our Luis.
21:23You have to save our Luis.
21:24You have to save our Luis.
21:24You have to save our Luis.
21:25You have to save our Luis.
21:25You have to save our Luis.
21:26You have to save our Luis.
21:26You have to save our Luis.
21:27You have to save our Luis.
21:27You have to save our Luis.
21:28You have to save our Luis.
21:28You have to save our Luis.
21:29You have to save our Luis.
21:34You have to save our Luis.
22:02I don't know.
22:04I don't know.
22:37I don't know.
22:37Mr. President.
22:43Wow.
22:45Now that's what you call protection.
23:15I'm going to kill you.
23:17I'm going to kill you.
23:19I'm going to kill you.
23:46I'm going to kill you.
24:23I'm going to kill you.
24:46I'm going to kill you.
24:46In order not to tremble, you must have a heart of stone.
24:51But you decided to let them back into your life.
24:58Now you're paralyzed.
25:01You won't be able to save her.
25:02Yes, you will!
25:04Shoot!
25:17Do you hear it coming, Luke?
25:23The miracle?
25:26It's that special moment when lightning strikes the same place.
25:29Where it did before.
25:34Today's second lesson is...
25:36In the west.
25:37If someone wears sleeves, it's not because they're cold.
25:40It's to hide the cards.
25:51Do you see Luke? He's a cheater!
25:54That's what makes him quicker!
26:16...
26:22...
26:23...
26:30...
26:31...
26:43Oh, my God.
27:02Oh, my God.
27:47I told you I'd kill you.
28:09I wanted to know what it felt like to be the real calamity.
28:39Oh, my God.
28:42One of the most remarkable figures, a true hero from the Wild West, someone who, I must
28:48admit, I've always been a fan of the one and only Calamity Jane.
28:56Yes.
29:09Mr. President, this is an honor.
29:14Excuse me.
29:15Sorry.
29:15Do you mind holding me this morning, please?
29:19What are you doing here?
29:20Oh, well, I'm here with Mrs. Jane for her book.
29:23What do you mean?
29:23She didn't mention it?
29:25We're relaunching the franchise as a photo note.
29:27Calamity Jane, volume three.
29:29Title's mine.
29:29Real feats caught in the act.
29:31There's action and emotion, 100% authentic.
29:33She told me the whole story.
29:35Like, earlier in the forest, when she took on 32 desperados before saving you all.
29:39Well, thank goodness she was there.
29:44Well, then, um, did she save us to save us, or for her book then?
29:50Muybridge.
29:51Photograph.
29:53Find your places, please.
29:55Are you ready, Mr. President?
30:00Stand still.
30:24That was really super intense.
30:27We said a lot of things.
30:30When we avoided saying a lot of things.
30:35This means you'll be leaving, am I right?
30:39Come on, Muybridge.
30:40We're out of here.
30:41I've got work to do.
30:42Coming.
30:42Coming.
30:43Joe's on the run again.
30:44He robbed Marshall City.
30:46You know him.
30:47While he was playing Marshall protecting the bank,
30:49he ended up robbing the bank.
30:54Okay.
30:54I think I have everything.
30:56Nope.
30:57Hold on.
30:57I'm sorry.
30:58Miss, over there.
30:59What's your name?
31:01Me?
31:02Yes, you.
31:03What's your name?
31:04It's for the book.
31:05Your name is Louise.
31:06Oh, my.
31:18I think you are.
31:23You are.
31:28Yes.
31:33Yes, you are.
31:35Yes, yes, yes.
31:39Lucky.
31:41Lucky.
31:45Her name's Lucky Louise.
32:13On three.
32:16One, two.
32:36One, two.
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