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00:00Tonight lock up your closeted conservative cousins because two stars of Canada's drag race are gonna battle it out to
00:07see who has the biggest balls
00:09I'm sorry to see who can tuck the biggest balls. Am I allowed to say that?
00:13From Montreal's Just For Last Festival, I'm Ennis Esmer and this is Roast Battle Canada!
00:39Welcome to the show whose merchandise is just one crusty sock.
00:45Tonight is gonna be so full of ignorance and hate, you'll wonder when they moved Montreal to Alberta.
00:53So buckle up Canada, cause it's about to get more unhinged than K-TREV's refrigerator door on cheat day.
00:58This is Roast Battle Canada!
01:06Now, let's meet our panel.
01:08Our first judge recently moved to a house in the country and has become a bit of a recluse.
01:13You know, I never would have guessed that based on how he talks, carries himself, dresses and things.
01:18Give it up for the J.D. Salinger of sucking, it's K-Trevor Wilson!
01:26And as I see you on so many other programs, you work all over television, you're so funny, you're so
01:32talented, what the fuck happened here?
01:36Alright!
01:39You've seen our next judge, Sabrina Jalise, in comedies, dramas and even reality shows.
01:44She's like television's Swiss army knife.
01:47Not because she's versatile, but because each time she gets a role, audiences wonder, why is this tool even on
01:52here?
01:54Give it up for the woman who gets all the jobs, but none of the jokes, it's Sabrina Jalise!
02:01Alright, Pavarotti on fentanyl.
02:04I miscarried at three and a half months, and that was less painful than talking to you about your career.
02:13Our final judge, Russell Peters, is proficient at jiu-jitsu and recently got his blue belt.
02:20Purple.
02:21Recently got his purple belt, pardon me, his purple belt.
02:24And you just know, everybody at the dojo is really nervous about the voice he's gonna do once he gets
02:29to brown.
02:31Give it up for the man who's never met a stereo he couldn't type, it's Curry Cobra Kai, it's Butter
02:37Chicken Bruce Lee, it's Russell Peters!
02:42Hey Anis, I heard you took up drumming recently, is this real?
02:45I may have rented a drum set and taken some lessons, yes.
02:48That's good, is it, because you grew up in a Turkish house and they had one of those monkeys smashing
02:51the cymbals together your whole life?
02:54And your dad was like, that's you, son.
02:57And now, let's get to the battle!
03:00It's a match-up between two favorites from Canada's Drag Race, it's Jimbo vs. Lemon!
03:09I've already got my crown, so today, I'm coming for blood.
03:12I am ready to gather up my sister like a ponytail.
03:15I think it'll be easy to read Jimbo, because she's a life-sized clown.
03:21And that's not even a joke, that's really how she defines herself, so...
03:25Well, if I'm such a clown, why are you so funny-looking, you bitch?
03:29Should we kiss?
03:32I'm gonna roast Lemon by being shadier than her, which will be hard, cause she has a big shadow.
03:37I'm about to drag this bitch across the stage.
03:41Give it up for Jimbo!
03:53And Lemon!
04:00Jimbo vs. Lemon judges.
04:04We gotta size up this battle.
04:06Okay, Trev, let's start with you.
04:09I'm super excited for this, I'm actually a big Drag Race fan, I feel like a very butch Ross Matthews
04:14right now.
04:15Alright, Sabrina, your analysis.
04:17Oh, I'm so excited for this, this feels like when I was little and I would get my Barbies to
04:21fight each other.
04:24Alright, Russell, your thoughts.
04:26I can't think of a single thing to say that's not gonna get me cancelled out here.
04:30Um...
04:31Okay, let's get this battle started!
04:33Jimbo, are you ready?
04:34I don't think so, could you hold on to this?
04:36I just need to slip into something more comfortable.
04:38Alright.
04:51Okay, I'm ready.
04:52Alright, Lemon, are you ready?
04:54Yeah, my first outfit was already good.
04:56Oh, alright, audience, are we ready?
05:00Well then, let's roast!
05:06Jimbo and I have worked together for, for years now, and along the way, I actually was lucky enough to
05:11meet Jimbo's mom.
05:12She's really sweet, she's incredibly petite, and she just seems like a really good person.
05:17So, you wouldn't even need to see the stubble poking through her makeup to know she got it from her
05:21dad.
05:24Well, at least I knew my dad.
05:27At least I blew your dad!
05:29Eww!
05:31And then he died, I know.
05:34Syphilis, it'll get you, watch out.
05:38No, Lemon, Lemon.
05:41I'm a bit confused, because I was told this was a roast battle and not a pig roast.
05:46So, I'm wondering where is the apple for your mouth?
05:50It's like, I don't get it.
05:53Lemon and I, we go way back, we competed together.
05:57But, on the second time, she was the pork chop, which makes sense, because she's white, she's cheap, and she's
06:03surprisingly fatty.
06:06And for the record, if you're in the audience, and you're even a little bit fatter than me, Jimbo hates
06:11you.
06:13Just to be so clear.
06:16It's not you I hate, it's your habits.
06:21No, I love, I love Lem, I do really do.
06:24Lem actually considers herself a rapper.
06:26Wait, bitch, it's my turn.
06:27Oh.
06:30I was waiting for you to be funny, go ahead.
06:36Jimbo is an incredible inspiration to people who want to try something really, really, really, really late in their lives.
06:45Jimbo is actually so old that she was the first brick thrown at Stonewall.
06:53Okay, if you've ever wondered why Lem's signature color is yellow, just take a look at that smile, okay?
07:03Her outfit matches every time.
07:05And who knew that plaque and tartar buildup could also be an accessory?
07:10Right?
07:12Who knew?
07:13Oh, thank you.
07:16Let's hear it for gingivitis, everybody.
07:20Okay, a spaghetti noodle that's become sentient and is trying to get out of the hot water,
07:25a plastic bag stuck in a wind tunnel,
07:28and Helen Keller in those, like, really tall, stripper, clear, acrylic heels.
07:33What do those three things have in common?
07:35Jimbo would lose a lip sync to all three of them.
07:38Ahh!
07:42Well, Lemon, I think that you should seriously consider changing your name to Potato.
07:47Because you're round, your skin is dry, and you're lumpy.
07:55Last joke!
07:56Okay.
07:59Now...
08:00Now, we know that Jimbo has an incredible career in drag,
08:04but before drag, Jimbo actually also had an incredible career.
08:08Did you guys know Jimbo did the costumes for the puppies in Air Bud 2?
08:13Which is how she got so good at dressing a little bitch.
08:18I was gonna say, I was feeling triggered seeing a dog like you in a dress like that.
08:25It's straight from the collection.
08:29Well, let's see, what other jokes do we have up our cunts?
08:34Um...
08:35Let me just check here.
08:38Oh!
08:39Oopsie!
08:40Whoopsie-doodle!
08:41Don't ask about my nipple, it was a screen door accident.
08:45I know, I'm very clumsy.
08:48Let's see...
08:50I've got this one now.
08:52So, Lemon, I know that you love to look like a slut,
08:56and I know that you love to act like a slut,
09:00but we all know the only thing that you're fucking is ugly.
09:06You're moving Lemon, ladies and gentlemen, and I'm hearing everybody!
09:11Get over there.
09:12They're good friends, they love each other.
09:16Alright, we gotta hear from the judges, everybody.
09:18K-Trev, what are your thoughts on that battle?
09:20This has inspired me.
09:22I think we should force all of our roasters to battle in full-length ball gowns from now on.
09:27Uh...
09:27No, I really enjoyed that.
09:29Great job to both of you.
09:30Okay!
09:31Sabrina!
09:32I mean, this was my favorite roast that's ever gone down in Roast Battle history,
09:37so thank you so much.
09:39It was so funny.
09:41The plaque, the tartar, Helen Keller in heels.
09:45I mean, it was perfect.
09:46The first brick in Stonewall, it was amazing.
09:48And actually, it's so nice to not have to pretend to know who you are this time.
09:55Alright, Russell, your thoughts?
09:57Oh, I love a good Disney story.
09:58This was fun for me, you know?
10:00It was Belle and Cruella.
10:02It was great.
10:03I've never seen a giant nose wear a hat before.
10:05That's really something.
10:06Yeah.
10:07That's why I wear the long brim to try and out-race my nose.
10:10You got drag race, I got nose race.
10:13That's gonna be a long race.
10:16Alright, judges, let's pick a winner.
10:18K-Trap, who you got?
10:20As the nephew of a dentist, I gotta go with the one who brought gingivitis into it.
10:24I'm going with Jimbo.
10:24That's one for Jimbo.
10:27Sabrina, who is your winner?
10:30It really was so, so close, but I do have to vote for the one who dragged me just now.
10:35It's Jimbo.
10:36That's two for Jimbo.
10:38I love you, Sabrina.
10:40And Russell, what do you got?
10:42I now know why they're called ball gowns.
10:45Yep.
10:47I'm gonna have to lean towards Jimbo on this one as well.
10:50Jimbo's the winner!
10:51The winner is Jimbo!
10:53But make some noise for both of our roasters, Jimbo Lemon.
10:58Amazing job.
10:59An amazing job.
11:02Well, that's it for part one, but up next we have a battle with more pokes than a gangbang with
11:07the Pillsbury Doughboy.
11:10More Roast Battle after this!
11:25Welcome back to Roast Battle, where the only people sketchier than the competitors are the audience.
11:32Which brings us to the only one of us who won't get cancelled for being on this show tonight.
11:36It's DJ Killa Jewel!
11:44And now let's get to the battle!
11:47It's Ally Pearce vs. Jeff McHenry!
11:53Ally Pearce is a very pretty person, and I resent her for it.
11:58So I'm going to destroy her, and this one's for all the shut-ins out there at home.
12:06I am so relieved that Jeff made it here, because I did not think his ATV was going to fit
12:11in the parking lot.
12:12I'll tell you what you can respect, pain and plenty of it.
12:16Give it up for Ally Pearce!
12:25And Jeff McHenry!
12:28And Jeff McHenry!
12:41We've got to size this battle up!
12:43It's fitting, Kate Trev, that we should start with you!
12:45First we've had two of the stars of Drag Race, and now we have two cast members of Letter Kenny.
12:53Number 34 and number 287 on the call sheet. Good to see you guys again.
12:58All right, Sabrina, tee this up for us.
13:01I haven't seen you in a while. Congratulations, Ally, on recently getting married.
13:06Yeah, thank you.
13:09And Jeff, congratulations on recently getting that possum out of your attic.
13:15All right, Russell, what do you think?
13:17Oh, this is going to be good. Gluten-free bread vs. inbred.
13:23Okay, let's get this battle started. Ally, are you ready?
13:27I'm ready.
13:28Jeff, are you ready?
13:28I'm ready.
13:29Audience, are we ready?
13:31Well then, let's roast!
13:37Ally's amazing. I love Ally.
13:40She's the Caitlin Clark of comedy.
13:42She's six feet tall, and her ass is bounced off hardwood in every city in North America.
13:51I'm not even that tall. Jeff has just convinced himself that three inches is six inches, so...
14:06Jeff is from Acton, Ontario, a town so small and shitty he should name his dick after it.
14:14You truly put the ick in hick.
14:19Thank you. And you put the tall bitch in. God damn, that's a tall bitch.
14:26And also, you look great tonight, Pierce, but you got on more makeup than Jimbo and Lemon combined.
14:34Ally often wonders, she worries about when's the best time for her to start getting Botox.
14:39Ally, the best time for you to start was in 2019.
14:45It's true. I've never had any work done. Jeff, on the other hand, has had two cosmetic plastic surgeries, and
14:52he got veneers, and he still looks like shit.
14:56I know.
14:57Yes. I know they say to shop local, Jeff, but you gotta stop getting work done at the trailer park.
15:06Before getting into comedy, Ally worked for a recognized nonprofit. That's funny, I didn't realize that the Itty Bitty Titty
15:14Committee was a recognized nonprofit.
15:22Jeff talking about my tits is funny because the last time he saw any was when he was being breastfed.
15:30Jeff has anxiety, insomnia, and he can't get a date, but he's got drugs for all three. Prozac, Ambien, and
15:38a big ol' bag of roofies.
15:44If you've got roofies, you don't need the other two.
15:56Out of all the jokes, that's the one that got an applause break. All right, Montreal.
16:03The one you didn't write.
16:10Ally should suck my dick because it's the closest she'll ever get to having a taste of stardom.
16:19Wow.
16:23Ally is a viral comedian, and by that I mean she's a comedian who has the herpes virus.
16:32I would rather have herpes than look like herpes.
16:41Jeff is lonely, he's broke, and he has a bad relationship with his mom.
16:46He's like the blueprint of a school shooter.
16:50Oh, don't worry, he would never go on a shooting spree.
16:53He doesn't have the upper body strength to carry an AK-47.
17:00Last joke.
17:02Ally, not only is Ally a Canadian comedian, she married a Canadian commercial director.
17:08So the answer is yes, apparently two people can survive on a diet of tap water and Dollarama cat food.
17:18At least I'm married, Jeff.
17:21You, uh...
17:23You look like you call your fleshlight sweetheart.
17:32Ally Pierce and Jeff McHenry, everybody!
17:35Let them hear us, that was great, come on!
17:38That was great!
17:42K-Trev, how was that battle for you?
17:44I really enjoyed that, I think that's the kind of thing we need to see more of in roast battles,
17:49is people laughing at the jokes being made about them and truly enjoying the humor of what's going on on
17:54stage.
17:55Here you go, Sabrina, your thoughts?
17:57Put your hands together if you feel like they have actual chemistry.
18:03I feel like, I feel like you guys could do like a Canadian reboot of King of Queens.
18:08Alright!
18:11Russell!
18:12I really enjoyed that. Ally, I think it was unfair that you picked on a guy with cerebral palsy, but...
18:19Okay, judges, it's time to pick a winner.
18:21K-Trev, who you got?
18:22In the end, I literally have, by one point, Jeff McHenry as the winner on this one.
18:27Okay, that is one for Jeff McHenry, there you go.
18:31Sabrina, who is your winner?
18:33Interesting gendered scoring, because I have, by one point, Ally Pierce.
18:37That's one for Ally Pierce!
18:40We're tied!
18:42Alright, Russell, it's down to you, who is our winner?
18:45Ally, you came with some great stuff, and then Jeff is what we call in boxing a counterpuncher.
18:50So he was catching a lot of stuff and coming back at you, and I'm gonna lean towards Jeff on
18:54this one.
18:54Jeff McHenry is the winner.
18:56Jeff McHenry is your winner, let him hear it, everybody!
18:58I'm here.
18:59Make some noise for both of our fantastic roasters, Ally Pierce, Jeff McHenry.
19:04Fantastic work.
19:06We're gonna take a quick break, but we'll be back before you can say,
19:10hello, police.
19:11Yes, I'd like to report the content of a television program.
19:14Final judgments after this!
19:28Welcome back to Roast Battle, the show more thoughtless than a teddy bear from the airport gift shop.
19:34So after all the shit-talking shenanigans we've seen tonight, it's time to go to the panel for their final
19:39judgments.
19:40K-Trev, let's start with you.
19:42I think we've learned that these battles are a lot more fun when the roasters are able to laugh at
19:46themselves.
19:47And I think just in general, life is more fun if you're able to laugh at yourself, because...
19:55If you can't roast yourself, how the hell are you gonna roast anybody else?
19:59Can I get an amen?
20:00Fantastic.
20:03Very nice.
20:05Sabrina, your final judgments.
20:07I think tonight, we really found out what the recipe is for Roast Battle, which is we need more drag
20:14queens on Roast Battle!
20:17Right?
20:20Yes.
20:21More drag queens, less Ennis.
20:25More Penis, less Ennis.
20:27There we go.
20:29All right, Russell, were those your last words or you got more?
20:31No, I got more.
20:32All right, let's go.
20:33Give them to me.
20:33This was a legendary moment in Roast Battle history.
20:36We had our first nip slip on TV.
20:39Unfortunately, it was Jimbo, but I was still happy to see one nonetheless.
20:43I also learned that maybe I should get my tits done.
20:46Okay.
20:49Let's make some noise for our winners tonight.
20:52Jeff McHenry, of course Jimbo, and all our fantastic roasters up there.
21:00And otherwise, we're done.
21:02Good night, Canada.
21:03And remember, if you're watching, you are part of the problem.
21:08Yeah.
21:23That's right.
21:25That's all.
21:26That's all.
21:29Have fun.
21:29Give me eight of them.
21:30This is all for syrup.
21:31I've got to Texas.
21:34That's a number of syrup varils.
21:37We'll be back tomorrow
21:41We'll be back tomorrow
21:45Oh
21:46Oh
21:47Oh
21:47Oh
21:48Amen.
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