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00:00Tonight, Canada's meanest comics add insult to injury, then add more insult, and then more.
00:06And then it gets to a point where there's so much insult, you start to think,
00:10getting injured sounds pretty sweet right about now.
00:12From the Just For Last Festival in Montreal, I'm Ennis Esmer, and this is Roast Battle Canada!
00:35Welcome to this show that is so racially insensitive, even my dad's friend Jerry feels bad watching it.
00:42If you haven't seen Roast Battle before, it's like anal fissures,
00:45an unwanted reoccurring nuisance that Russell Peters is the face of.
00:50So buckle up, Canada, because it's about to get more intense than Sabrina's natural deodorant in a heat wave.
00:56This is Roast Battle Canada!
01:03All right!
01:04And now let's meet our panel.
01:06Now, our first judge actually lost a bunch of weight between our last season and this season.
01:12Really.
01:13You know, he went from a before picture to, um, well, I'm thinking somewhere around the middle.
01:21I certainly hope this isn't the after picture.
01:24Give it up for the only guy in the world that got less diarrhea from Ozempic.
01:28It's Kay Trevor Wilson!
01:33Now, Ennis, type 2 diabetes is a very real disease that affects millions of North Americans,
01:39and through diet and medication, you can reverse it.
01:43But unfortunately for you, there is no treatment for being short and void of talent.
01:50Our next judge is what you get when you order Mindy Kaling on Timu.
01:54Make some noise for a woman who even comes with that months-in-a-Chinese-warehouse smell.
01:59It's Sabrina Jalise!
02:12And finally, his secret family knows him as traveling businessman Ramesh Gupta, but to us, he'll always be the legend
02:24Russell Peters!
02:29Ennis, it's good to have you back.
02:31I'm just kidding.
02:31You, um, you might be the reason there's no other Turkish people on TV.
02:38Between you and Dr. Oz, no need to finish that sentence.
02:44And now, let's get to the battle.
02:46It's Mark Little versus Laura Silovitz!
02:50Tonight, you're going to see two people who are very reluctant to hurt each other.
02:55I am going to win this because I've got a lot on Mark, and he's got a lot on me,
03:00unfortunately.
03:01I don't keep anything from him, so I really hope that he doesn't use that against me.
03:06Laura, I know where the bodies are buried, and I think you know what bodies I mean.
03:09They'll be calling you Grill Mark when I'm done with you.
03:13Give it up for Mark Little!
03:24And Laura Silovitz!
03:36Mark Little, Laura Silovitz, judges, let's size this battle up.
03:39K-Trap, we'll start with you.
03:41Laura, it's so nice to see you without an Instagram filter on.
03:46Mark, it would be really nice to see you with an Instagram filter on.
03:50All right, Sabrina, your thoughts?
03:53This looks like one of those movies from the 80s where a nerd creates a beautiful woman to go to
03:58high school dance with him.
04:01All right, Russell, your thoughts?
04:02I think I've seen this on Pornhub before.
04:07Oh, we have to share a bed.
04:10I'm cold.
04:11Can you get close?
04:13This is getting weird.
04:15Mark, are you ready?
04:16I'm ready.
04:17Laura, are you ready?
04:18Yes.
04:19Audience, are we ready?
04:21So let's roast!
04:26Ugly.
04:29Talentless.
04:30A sexual deviant.
04:33These are just a few ways that I could describe tonight's host, Dennis Esmer.
04:38Yeah.
04:39Yeah.
04:39But I won't be doing that.
04:41I'm roasting Mark tonight.
04:42Okay, let me have it.
04:43Let me have it.
04:44Okay.
04:44Mark Little is six foot one.
04:47But if you don't like measuring things in feet, that's approximately three Ennis' high.
04:53Yes.
04:54It's just easier.
04:55Okay, I'm going to get this back on the rails.
04:57Here we go.
04:57Laura has PTSD.
04:59Now, that is serious.
05:00And that is hard to talk about.
05:03Incidentally, Ennis also has PTSD.
05:07But his stands for Proud Turkish Sex Dwarf.
05:10Now, that's interesting.
05:12Yeah.
05:12Isn't it?
05:12Okay, we're going to roast each other.
05:14We're going to roast each other.
05:15Come on.
05:15You know, Mark moved to New York, so we hadn't seen each other in quite a while.
05:19So today, when we saw each other, we just hugged for so long.
05:24It was such a nice greeting.
05:25It was nicer than the greeting that Ennis gave me.
05:29He walked towards me, just staring at my breasts, and said,
05:32Baby, you want a sip?
05:33Yeah.
05:34I was like, what?
05:36Okay.
05:37Well, listen.
05:37Anyway, let's get this back on track.
05:39Laura and I love to play board games.
05:40Love it.
05:41In fact, our favorite board game is called Ennis, and it's a really fun one.
05:46Basically, we talk to Ennis and see how quickly we get bored.
05:51Current record?
05:51Eight seconds.
05:53Eight seconds is the record.
05:54Hard round.
05:55Hard game.
05:56Hard game.
05:57I'm so sorry.
05:57Like, we don't mean to.
05:59We're trying here.
06:00We're trying.
06:00But, you know, you're so impressive.
06:02He's got such an impressive resume.
06:03I don't know if you know this, but Ennis has been in over 15 films and TV shows just in
06:09the past five years.
06:10So if you don't recognize him, that just shows you how little of an impression he's made.
06:14Yeah.
06:15He doesn't stick.
06:16He doesn't stick.
06:17He doesn't stick.
06:18Yeah.
06:21Easily forgettable.
06:22No, but we're just kidding.
06:23Ennis is like a child to us, in that we don't want kids.
06:27We hate them.
06:28Yeah.
06:29Andy's small.
06:30Andy's small.
06:31Yeah.
06:32Yeah.
06:33A lot of people say a lot of crap about Ennis, and we defend him.
06:36Yeah.
06:36We defend him.
06:38We don't agree with anything they say.
06:39We don't think he looks like a Middle Eastern Funko Pop.
06:42We don't.
06:44We don't think he looks like DJ Khaled as a minion.
06:47We don't.
06:48We don't.
06:49And guess what?
06:50Shut up if you think that.
06:51If you think that, shut up.
06:52Shut up.
06:54We don't think that he looks like a Lin-Manuel Miranda candle that melted a bit.
06:59No, we don't.
07:00Shut up if you think that.
07:01We don't think that.
07:02We don't think he looks like a big, big baby who got dipped in hair.
07:05Shut up.
07:07You shut up.
07:08No, Ennis is cool.
07:11Said no one ever.
07:13Uh-oh.
07:14Uh-oh.
07:15Uh-oh.
07:16Uh-oh.
07:18Okay.
07:19Last joke.
07:20Shut the fuck up.
07:21Shut up, Ennis.
07:30All right, listen.
07:31Listen.
07:32Listen.
07:32Have we been hard on Ennis this roast?
07:33Yes.
07:34But there's a reason for that that goes beyond us not wanting to roast each other.
07:37And it's that Ennis did something earlier that was not okay.
07:40No, I don't think we should say anything.
07:43Tell them what he did earlier.
07:44Ennis touched me backstage.
07:46Yes.
07:47Ennis touched Laura backstage.
07:49Tell them how.
07:50He came into my dressing room and he said he was the sound guy and that he had to mic
07:54me.
07:54And I said, Ennis, I know that it's you.
07:59And don't we use handheld mics?
08:02And he said, no.
08:03It's me, Steve, the sound guy.
08:06And I have to mic you.
08:08Now turn around, take off your pants.
08:10And he put a mic in my ass.
08:12Yes.
08:13Ennis did the exact same thing to me.
08:17And then he forced us to put our butts together to create feedback so that he could masturbate to it.
08:24Yes.
08:25Ennis masturbated to the feedback of our ass mics touching each other.
08:29And we have proof.
08:31We thought nobody would believe us, but we have the proof.
08:34We found the pants that he was wearing at the time.
08:36Laura, show them the pants.
08:38They're covered in cum.
08:43These are Ennis' pants.
08:45That's his size.
08:46Those are his pants.
08:48And that's his cum.
08:51And we rest our Ks.
09:00Mark Little versus Laura Sillivitz, everybody.
09:02Make some noise.
09:06All right.
09:06K-Trev, how was that battle for you?
09:08I laughed.
09:09I laughed so hard and enjoyed every second of it.
09:13That was amazing.
09:19All right.
09:20Sabrina, your thoughts on that?
09:22I feel like the real winner here is Ennis' therapist.
09:28All right.
09:29Russell, your thoughts on this battle?
09:32I laughed as hard as Ennis got.
09:37I loved it.
09:38All right, judges, it's time to pick a winner.
09:40K-Trev, who you got?
09:42The winner was comedy, Ennis.
09:44The winner tonight was comedy.
09:46All right.
09:46Yes!
09:47That's one for comedy.
09:49Thank you, comedy.
09:51Sabrina.
09:52The winner was justice tonight.
09:54Okay, justice.
09:55Tonight, the winner was justice.
09:56Justice and comedy are tied.
09:58One-one.
09:59And Russell, bring us home.
10:01Who's your winner?
10:01I think the real winner tonight was Ennis Esmer.
10:04Ennis Esmer is the winner of this battle.
10:06I'll take it.
10:08I'll take it.
10:09I'm your winner, ladies and gentlemen.
10:12Mark Little, Laura Silvitz.
10:13Keep it going for him.
10:14Come on.
10:30Welcome back to Roast Battle Canada, the only show with its own ember alert.
10:36And kicking it on the ones and twos, or as you Quebecers call it, lasers, they do, make
10:41some noise for DJ Killa Jewel.
10:50And now, let's get to the battle.
10:53It's Ben Sosa Wright versus Alistair Ogden.
10:59Alistair Ogden is a bad man with a bad heart and a worse soul.
11:03I once saw him pop a child's balloon and then slap that child across the face.
11:08I'm super happy to roast Ben because I don't know if you know this, this is his make-a-wish.
11:11He's got a terminal illness called dumb cuntitis.
11:15When you see Ben tonight, you're going to think, oh, look at this flamboyant guy.
11:19It's all a facade.
11:20He's got a wife and kids at home, and they miss him very much.
11:22I'm going to win because I believe in the power of love and friendship.
11:29Give it up for Ben Sosa Wright!
11:41And Alistair Ogden!
11:50Judges, how do you size up this one?
11:52We're going to start with you, K-Drev.
11:53These guys look like it's the CBC made of Menendez Brothers movie.
12:00No, I like it.
12:01It looks like the two different types of camp counselors that will molest you.
12:04It's really good.
12:06Sabrina!
12:08Folks, welcome to the 2026 Ultimate Frisbee Finals!
12:15Russell, let's hear your pregame analysis.
12:17Will the real Slim Shady please stand up?
12:21Okay, let's get this battle started.
12:23Ben, are you ready?
12:24Um, yes.
12:25Okay.
12:26I love the confidence.
12:28Alistair, are you ready?
12:29Yes.
12:30You too.
12:30All right, audience, are we ready?
12:33Well, then let's roast!
12:39Ben is actually half Latino.
12:41He's half Latino.
12:43And the way that you can tell is that he won't shut the fuck up about it.
12:48Yeah, Ben, Ben is young, gay, and Latinx.
12:53If he just came out as non-binary, he'd legally have to become leader of the NDP.
13:00Somebody say DP?
13:02I'm in.
13:03I'm in.
13:04That's hot.
13:05That's hot.
13:06Let's go.
13:07So, you might be thinking Alistair looks a bit familiar, and he does.
13:11Alistair looks a bit familiar, that's because his parents are actually quite famous.
13:15Okay, Alistair's famous parents.
13:16His dad is an Easter Island head.
13:21And his mom is actually a rectangle.
13:25Yeah.
13:26Kind of explains the bone structure you're looking at right now.
13:30Ben has a really interesting accent, right?
13:34Ben's mom is Argentinian, his dad is English, he was born in Toronto, but he spent some time
13:39living in Montreal, and now he travels the world doing comedy.
13:43And so you listen to him, and you're like, wow, he sounds like a dumb bitch.
13:58I love Alistair, but Alistair, to me, has aggressively Aryan features, you know what I mean?
14:05Alistair is so blonde, so blue-eyed, that his first words out the womb were, das is gut,
14:11papers please.
14:17As you can see, Ben dresses like a janitor in a porno.
14:29Ben looks like he enters every room jangling a set of keys, being like, I hear there's a
14:35pipe that needs draining.
14:39Alistair is such a straight white guy, his second words out the womb were, mom, shut
14:43up.
14:45Mom, can Brayden sleep over?
14:51Ben, Ben has a very creative and unique style of comedy, you know, you can't put Ben into
14:56a box, you know, unless, of course, you disguise that box to look like another man's asshole.
15:04And then he's like, let me in there, you know?
15:09Alistair is very, very British, okay?
15:12Alistair comes from a big British family.
15:14His siblings' names are Tamsin and Hamish.
15:17That's real, okay?
15:19Alistair is so British that earlier today, he tried to build a partition between Pakistani
15:25comedian Sabrina Jalise and Indian icon Russell Peters.
15:31Really dark stuff, really crazy.
15:35Ben, Ben has a very, like, whimsical and mischievous energy, you know?
15:39Ben, Ben is like the type of guy who would try to find the end of a rainbow just so
15:43he
15:43could suck off a leprechaun.
15:49Alistair kind of resembles British royal figure Princess Diana.
15:53Don't you see it?
15:54You kind of see it, right?
15:56He does, he does.
15:57I think Alistair and Princess Diana have one very large thing in common, okay?
16:03I think their time in the spotlight is going to end the exact same way, okay?
16:08Crashing, burning, and not too far away from a notable brown man, okay?
16:23Crashing, burning, and not too far away from a very privileged background, this is true.
16:31Alistair grew up very privileged.
16:33He once, as a child, made a Facebook status that said,
16:36feels so weird to walk without ski boots on.
16:40That's real.
16:40He wrote that.
16:41So I thought it would be really fun to kind of find other Facebook statuses Alistair made
16:46as a child.
16:47Buckle up.
16:48Okay?
16:50I've never held a coin before.
16:55What are they like?
16:58Hashtag, are they heavy?
17:02Just found out that you could hang out with people of color and not just employ them.
17:09Just watched the new Columbine documentary.
17:13Feeling super inspired?
17:18Ben has had so many guys unload their nuts in him.
17:22At this point, his ass is like a chipmunk's cheeks.
17:27You don't need to save all that cum for the winter.
17:31It keeps me warm.
17:34Ben Sosa Ray and Alistair Ogden, everybody.
17:37Let them hear it.
17:38Holy shit.
18:06Holy shit.
18:08You guys.
18:08I love you, Tamsin and Hamish, like Little House in the Prairie style.
18:11I'd love to see an OnlyFans where you're dressed as a janitor fucking people.
18:15I love you both.
18:16All right.
18:17Russell, your thoughts?
18:18I enjoyed Proud Boy versus Pride Boy.
18:23Yeah.
18:24Hell yeah.
18:25It was enjoyable.
18:26All right, judges.
18:26It's time to pick a winner.
18:27K-Trap, who you got?
18:28You both brought a lot of great stuff.
18:30There's also some really good comebacks, and that's not a gay joke.
18:36But I'm going with Alistair Ogden on this one.
18:38All right.
18:38That's one for Alistair Ogden.
18:41Sabrina, it falls onto you.
18:43Yeah.
18:44We all came very, very close over here throughout that battle, and you guys were very close,
18:50and I want to get close to Ben Sosa Wright.
18:54That's one for Ben Sosa Wright.
18:56All right, we got a tie ball game, bottom of the ninth.
18:58Russell, who's our winner?
19:00This was a difficult decision because they both came at each other the right way, but
19:04I'm going to lean towards Ben Sosa Wright on this one.
19:07Ben Sosa Wright is the winner.
19:09The winner is Ben Sosa Wright.
19:16We're going to take a quick break to wash our mouths out with soap.
19:19Technically, tequila is a soap.
19:21It isn't?
19:22Okay, we're just going to go drink some tequila.
19:24Final judgments after this.
19:39Welcome back to Rose Battle Canada, where if you don't have anything nice to say, try yelling it.
19:46After all the wild shit we've seen tonight, let's go to the panel for their final judgments.
19:51K-TRAF.
19:51Well, for starters, Ennis, I haven't seen you look that defeated since you lost your Senate seat in the Munchkin
19:57Land by election.
20:00But I also learned something today, and apparently Sabrina's favorite porn is gay male janitor porn, and that surprised me.
20:12That surprised me that you'd watch two dicks.
20:14So there you go.
20:15All right, very nice.
20:17Sabrina, your final judgments.
20:19Oh, well, you know, I never thought of myself as a cuck, but watching another couple fuck the guy I
20:24usually fuck was oddly satisfying.
20:31All right, Russell, I bet you've got something to say.
20:34Well, you know, they say never say never, and that's never been truer.
20:38Um, I, I found myself in a place where I never thought I could be, and I, I felt bad
20:44for you.
20:49That's more insulting than anything else that was said here tonight.
20:52Make some noise for our winners, everybody.
20:56Ben Sosa, right?
20:59Comedy, justice, and me.
21:02Good night, Canada, and remember, if you're watching, you are part of the problem.
21:08You got to be ready for battle.
21:20We got to be ready for battle.
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