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00:00Tonight, Canada's top comics do their worst.
00:03Or at least that's what the reviews will say.
00:06From Montreal's Just for Laughs Festival,
00:08I'm Ennis Esmer, and this is Roast Battle Canada!
00:12We got the world with the battle!
00:16We got the world with the battle!
00:19We got the world with the battle!
00:23Battle! Battle! Battle! Battle!
00:29Welcome to the show that violates every step in your 12-step program.
00:35Yes, Roast Battle is like doing laundry.
00:37It's cleansing, oddly therapeutic,
00:39and K-TREV hates when we mix the colors with the whites.
00:43So buckle up, Canada, because it's about to get stickier
00:46than the communal couch at the sex club next door.
00:49This is Roast Battle Canada!
00:56And now let's meet our judges.
00:58Before the show, K-Trevor Wilson told me
01:00he will happily choose tonight's winners.
01:02But then again, he happily choose whatever he can get his hands on.
01:06Give it up for the only man to have assault charges filed against him
01:10by a cheese pizza.
01:11It's K-Trevor Wilson!
01:17Oh, Ennis, you hummus-soaked hobgoblin.
01:22If you ever want to go to Turkey to get hair implants,
01:24just know that Ennis is where they farm the hair from.
01:30Clapping for the hair.
01:32You know, I recently learned that when Sabrina Jalise proposed to her wife,
01:36her wife actually had food poisoning.
01:38Or at least she says that's why she threw up.
01:41And give it up for a woman who can activate your gag reflex
01:44with just one romantic gesture.
01:46It's Sabrina Jalise!
01:52Wow, wow, wow.
01:54Guys, my wife and I just celebrated 16 years together.
01:58Can you believe it?
01:5816 years!
02:00That's a long time.
02:0216 years?
02:03That's how much time Ennis is going to get
02:04when they finally find the child pornography on his laptop.
02:09Our final judge, Russell Peters,
02:11was actually the one who demanded
02:13that we film this season a roast battle in Montreal!
02:18Yeah!
02:21Although, it was only because he wanted a cultural excuse
02:24to kiss every woman he greets.
02:27Give it up for the human embodiment of Pepe Le Pew!
02:30It's Russell Peters!
02:32Hey!
02:35And this is what happens when you throw out the baby
02:38and keep the foreskin.
02:41And now, let's get to the battle!
02:44It's Graham Chittenden versus Aisha Alpha!
02:48I'm gonna win because I'm black, I'm a woman, and I'm a mom.
02:53So if I don't, then technically it's a hate crime.
02:55How am I gonna win?
02:56I'm just gonna point out the obvious.
02:58That Aisha is a piece of trash.
03:00I'm gonna tap dance around a lot of stuff
03:02and then just wait for him
03:03to, like, fall into the hole of racism, right?
03:05Usually a white man screaming at a black woman,
03:07that goes bad because it gets sent to his employer.
03:09Well, joke's on you.
03:10I don't have a job.
03:11So what are you gonna do?
03:13Give it up for Graham Chittenden!
03:21And Aisha Alpha!
03:29Graham Chittenden, Aisha Alpha.
03:31Judges, let's size up this battle.
03:33Kay Trev, we'll start with you.
03:34I'm excited for this one.
03:35These are two great comics that I have not seen in a long time.
03:39Although it does look like a youth minister
03:41is about to battle the new Annie.
03:44All right, Sabrina, your pre-game analysis.
03:47Oh, hi guys.
03:48Yeah, this looks like a battle between a Republican
03:50who had a one-night stand in college
03:52and the daughter he'll never acknowledge.
03:54Oh.
03:57Bars.
03:58That was bars.
03:59Russell.
04:00Um, this is, it looks like Michelle Obama versus Napoleon.
04:03I think it's gonna be great.
04:05All right, let's get this battle started.
04:07Graham, are you ready?
04:08Yes.
04:09Aisha, are you ready?
04:09Yeah.
04:10Audience, are we ready?
04:12Yeah!
04:13Well, then, let's roast!
04:18Please don't buy into this, this glow-up.
04:21This is all fake.
04:23This is, I know black don't crack,
04:24but the white part of her is crumbling.
04:27She, if you've seen her social media,
04:30it's, let me catch you up on the last five years.
04:33She got married, had some kids,
04:35kept, yeah, kept the alpha, but added a few pies.
04:42He's calling me fat, it's fine.
04:43Yeah, I'm calling her fat.
04:45Not a lot of people know this,
04:47but Graham is actually short for a man.
04:56You know, I caught him staring at my tits earlier,
04:59and I was, like, mad for a second,
05:00and then I realized that's just his only field of vision,
05:03you know?
05:04This isn't Aisha's first job, though.
05:06She's had a lot of great jobs.
05:07She was a professional soccer player.
05:10Yes, and she brings, yeah.
05:12And it shows.
05:13She brings that intensity to her stand-up.
05:15She's like, yes, I'll move around a lot,
05:18and then what if for an hour, nothing happened?
05:22Graham is a cis, white male who works a ton,
05:28so he's not, no.
05:32He's not up with DEI policies.
05:35He's, like, against it, you know?
05:36Like, he hates everything black,
05:39except for crows.
05:41Sorry.
05:42The crow.
05:45Sorry.
05:46Jim Crow.
05:49Right?
05:50Like, you look at him.
05:51He has a face that looks like,
05:52I don't love segregation,
05:54but I don't hate it.
05:59I like when there's no line at the water fountain.
06:02I'll say that.
06:08I'll say that.
06:09So this was tough.
06:11I thought originally that I wasn't supposed to touch Aisha's hair,
06:14but they just meant I couldn't touch on it.
06:16Like, I can obviously say,
06:18she looks like Sideshow Blob,
06:19or I can say,
06:20she looks like, uh...
06:23What?
06:23Go for it.
06:24Let's hear it.
06:25Pubes, what do we got?
06:26No, I was just going to say,
06:27you look like Blake Griffin fucked a feather duster,
06:29but they said that I could touch on it, right?
06:34And some people can't touch it.
06:35Like, if she's on a TV set,
06:37the director can move it out of the way
06:38if it's tickling his stomach.
06:42Graham looks like a guy
06:44who would, like, try really, really hard
06:47to make a woman have an orgasm.
06:49Sorry, fake an orgasm.
06:52And then, like, gently come inside of her
06:54and whisper,
06:56ta-da!
06:59You get it.
07:00You've fucked magicians before, you know.
07:03Yeah.
07:04All right, I feel bad,
07:05because actor,
07:06you're a top-notch actor.
07:08Like, most directors have you
07:10at the top of their list
07:11that they are forced to choose from.
07:14Like, truly,
07:15you are the it girl
07:16for someone who agrees with diversity
07:19but will not read the list past the A's.
07:22I feel like Aisha's role
07:23she's most proud of
07:24is victim.
07:27She's been playing it
07:28for 70 years now
07:29or however old she is,
07:31but she claims,
07:32oh, I've lived this, like, racism.
07:34She's in L.A.
07:35You have not experienced racism in L.A.
07:37The only thing you have in common
07:38with Rodney King
07:39is any video I've watched of you
07:41was hard to look at.
07:42That's the only thing.
07:44And after tonight,
07:45there will be video
07:46of you being beaten.
07:46Those are the only two things
07:48you have in common.
07:48Oh, man.
07:50Don't clap at that,
07:51you racists.
07:52What?
07:53No, you can clap at that.
07:54He's dead.
07:55Oh, black people
07:56are going to love this.
07:57They're going to be like,
07:59black Twitter is right now
08:00going on fire for you.
08:01Black Twitter's not that punctual.
08:10That was very good.
08:11That's very funny.
08:12It got me.
08:16Graham looks like a puppet
08:17who wished to be a real boy
08:19very hard,
08:20and then one day
08:21it finally happened,
08:23but then Geppetto was like,
08:24God, no!
08:27It's horrible turning back!
08:31This is worse!
08:37See?
08:38Actor.
08:38Actor.
08:39Love it.
08:40I don't know what else
08:41to really get out.
08:42I don't want to make
08:42the same tired food comparisons
08:45to half black.
08:47I don't want to call you
08:47an Oreo just because
08:48you're black on the outside
08:49and are frequently
08:50double-stuffed.
08:51Mm-hmm.
08:51Yep.
08:55Last joke!
08:57Graham was on
08:58Canada's Got Talent,
08:59and he had a killer set.
09:00It was actually
09:00really, really amazing.
09:02And the judges were like,
09:03yes, yes, yes, yes,
09:05which was really special
09:07to him
09:07because he's never
09:08heard that in bed.
09:16Yeah, he mostly gets,
09:17it's a no from me, dog.
09:21So Aisha's an old mother,
09:23and that's not
09:2370s black slang.
09:26She had her children late
09:27just to show the world
09:29that you can have it all.
09:30You can have half a career
09:31and a dangerous pregnancy.
09:33You really can.
09:37Aisha, I'll find Graham Chittenden.
09:39Let them hear it, everybody!
09:40All right.
09:43Kate Trev, how was that
09:44battle for you?
09:46Surprisingly racist.
09:49Sabrina, what'd you think?
09:50I think I really can't wait
09:52to see what black Twitter
09:53has to say about Graham.
09:55I'm just, let's speed this up
09:56so we can get it out there.
09:58Three days from now,
09:59we'll all find out.
10:01Russell, your thoughts?
10:03I like when people
10:04aren't afraid to be racist.
10:06I, uh, it makes me
10:07feel warm inside.
10:08It takes me back
10:09to the Canada
10:10I grew up in.
10:12Nice.
10:13Okay, it's time
10:13to pick a winner.
10:14Kate Trev, who you got?
10:16Uh, this was tough
10:17because you both had
10:17some, uh, really fun bits,
10:19but, uh, the ones
10:21that really made me
10:21belly laugh the most
10:22were Graham,
10:23so I'm going with
10:24Graham Chittenden
10:25on this one.
10:26That's one for
10:27Graham Chittenden.
10:28It's the white guy.
10:30Sabrina, who's your winner?
10:31Look, I know, Graham,
10:32you had incredible jokes,
10:34but I'm never gonna vote
10:35for a guy that calls
10:36a thin woman fat.
10:37I just can't do it.
10:38She's got my goal weight.
10:39I'm going with Aisha.
10:40That's one for Aisha.
10:41All right, Russell,
10:42it comes down to you.
10:44One vote apiece.
10:45Who is the winner?
10:46Well, I do miss
10:47old Canada,
10:47so I have to lean
10:48towards Graham Chittenden
10:49on this one.
10:50Graham Chittenden's
10:51the winner!
10:52We are rewarding
10:53Graham Chittenden
10:54tonight.
10:55Congratulations.
10:56Keep it going
10:56for both your roasters.
10:58Aisha Alpha.
10:59Graham Chittenden
11:00did fantastic work.
11:02Well, that's it
11:03for part one,
11:03but coming up next
11:04we have a battle
11:05so bitter
11:06you'll be begging it
11:07to eat more pineapple
11:08next time.
11:09More Rose Battle
11:10after this!
11:25Welcome back to Roast Battle,
11:27the show that's more
11:28off-color than
11:29my current mattress.
11:32And over to my left,
11:33she's scratching more
11:34than Russell on the plane
11:36ride home from Vegas.
11:37Give it up for DJ
11:39Kilojewel!
11:44And now let's get
11:46to the battle.
11:47It's Jackie Pirico
11:48versus Tom Henry!
11:53I'm here to roast
11:54my good friend Jackie,
11:55which should be easy
11:56because she's told me
11:57a lot of her deepest,
11:58darkest, most vulnerable
11:59secrets.
12:00What can I tell you
12:00about my opponent?
12:01Oh, he is one of
12:02Canadian Entertainment's
12:03premier alcoholics.
12:05I'm a little nervous
12:05about Jackie's
12:06boundless energy
12:07and what that might do
12:08to me, but I intend
12:09to break her once
12:10and for all
12:10and make her like me,
12:12a joyless shell
12:13of a human.
12:14You think you've got
12:14something on me?
12:15Well, I really hope
12:17you don't.
12:18Give it up for
12:19Jackie Pirico!
12:30And Tom Henry!
12:39All right, Jackie Pirico
12:41versus Tom Henry judges.
12:43Let's size up this battle.
12:44K-Trev, we'll start
12:45with you.
12:46These are two very
12:47funny comedians,
12:48although it looks like
12:49a Sailor Moon cosplayer
12:50is about to battle
12:51a high school physics
12:52teacher.
12:53All right, Sabrina,
12:55your pre-game analysis
12:56for these.
12:56All right, here it is.
12:57It's Ginger Spice
12:58versus Gingerbread Man.
13:01It's legally blonde
13:02versus out on bond.
13:04Whoa, okay.
13:08Russell, any thoughts
13:09before we start the battle?
13:10This is like a dyslexic
13:12Snow White story,
13:13only Snow White's the dwarf
13:15and Dopey is the tall one.
13:19Okay, let's get this battle
13:20started.
13:21Jackie, are you ready?
13:21I am very ready.
13:22Tom, are you ready?
13:23Yes.
13:25All right, audience,
13:25are we ready?
13:26Yes!
13:28Let's roast!
13:32As you can see,
13:33Jackie is very small.
13:35She's a runt, isn't she?
13:37If I wanted to roast a shrimp,
13:39I would have gone
13:39to an Australian barbecue.
13:44Yes, well,
13:44Tom is very autistic.
13:47Tom is so autistic
13:49that we were supposed
13:49to take the train
13:50together to Montreal.
13:51I looked out the window.
13:52He was somehow
13:52out there watching it.
13:56Maybe you just can't
13:57appreciate a marvel
13:58of engineering.
14:01If you look at Jackie,
14:02you might think
14:03that she has
14:04fetal alcohol syndrome.
14:09That's it.
14:13You know, Tom,
14:14there are additional
14:15vocal octaves
14:16available to you
14:17if you wanted to
14:18update your settings.
14:20Tom is such
14:21a monotonous drone
14:22that his white noise machine
14:23needs him
14:24to fall asleep.
14:28There you go.
14:30Thanks.
14:31Jackie is obsessed
14:32with animals.
14:33She actually has names
14:34for all the different
14:35cats in her neighborhood.
14:37They don't have a name
14:38for her, unfortunately.
14:39They just know her
14:40as that weird squirrel
14:41with lip filler
14:42that's always
14:42following them around.
14:47Tom loves to take
14:48a lot of naps,
14:49so it's not just
14:50other people
14:51people that he's
14:51putting to sleep.
14:55Jackie is not
14:56a natural blonde.
14:57She dyes her hair.
14:58Yeah.
14:59So I guess
15:00that's not the reason
15:01she's so dumb.
15:06Yeah, well,
15:06Tom looks like
15:07if the Gerber baby
15:08wound up living
15:09on East Hastings.
15:12They don't know
15:13Vancouver.
15:14They don't know
15:14Vancouver.
15:15I'll take that again.
15:17What's a shitty
15:17neighborhood?
15:19Yeah, write it now.
15:24Okay, how about this?
15:25You gotta laugh
15:26at this, okay?
15:27That's not fair.
15:30I didn't know
15:30we could tell them.
15:32Okay, okay.
15:34Yeah, well,
15:34Tom looks like
15:35if the Gerber baby
15:36wound up
15:36with a safe
15:37injection site.
15:42If you can't tell,
15:43Tom isn't great
15:44at parties.
15:45He sucks the air
15:46out of the room
15:46faster than the
15:47Ocean Gate
15:48submarine disaster.
15:52And I would love
15:54to kill a billionaire.
15:57Jackie actually
15:58dated a deaf guy
15:59once for a little while.
16:00That's true.
16:01Yeah.
16:03Lucky guy.
16:13So just yesterday,
16:15Tom and I hiked
16:16to the top
16:16of Mount Royal,
16:17but we couldn't
16:18stay out there long
16:19because giant vistas
16:20make him anxious.
16:23And I'm not here
16:24to promote
16:25toxic masculinity,
16:26but in this case,
16:28maybe a little dash
16:29couldn't hurt.
16:31So you admit
16:32that you liked me
16:33and we were hanging out?
16:34Yes, I do concede
16:36to that fact
16:36that we were
16:37at one time
16:37yesterday friends.
16:39Last joke!
16:41This one's actually amazing.
16:42She actually dated
16:43the drummer
16:43from Coldplay.
16:45Can you believe that?
16:46Yeah.
16:48No, wait, sorry.
16:49I mean she dated
16:50a drummer
16:51who had a cold sore.
16:56Tom is famously
16:57afraid of flying
16:58and I can't blame him
17:00because I would be
17:00scared to fly too
17:01if every person
17:02I sat beside
17:03started praying
17:04for the plane
17:04to go down.
17:07Jackie Birrigo
17:09and Tom Henry
17:09everybody!
17:11Let them hear it!
17:12What a battle!
17:13Great friends!
17:15Alright,
17:15K-Trip,
17:16your thoughts?
17:17I laughed a lot
17:19at that.
17:19That's two very
17:20opposing styles.
17:21the most upbeat person
17:22in the world
17:23versus the most dead
17:25person in the world.
17:27Great job,
17:28you guys.
17:29Thanks!
17:30Alright,
17:31Sabrina,
17:31your observations,
17:32please.
17:33Yeah,
17:33that was very fun
17:34to watch.
17:34It was dancing
17:36to the beat
17:36meets barely
17:37has a pulse.
17:39Okay,
17:40Russell.
17:41I enjoyed that
17:42myself.
17:42I like when you
17:43get two options
17:44on energy.
17:45It was the cheerleader
17:47versus the cult leader.
17:48I quite,
17:49uh,
17:51quite enjoyed it.
17:51That's a compliment.
17:53That was a compliment.
17:54They're cool guys.
17:55I feel like I have
17:56three dead people
17:57calling a guy dead.
17:58Oh!
18:00All right,
18:01judges,
18:01it's time to pick a winner.
18:02K-Trip,
18:03who you got?
18:04Uh,
18:04I really enjoyed
18:05the jokes you both brought,
18:06but I think,
18:07uh,
18:07I got,
18:07uh,
18:07some bigger laughs
18:08from the fetal alcohol
18:09syndrome
18:10and the lucky deaf guy
18:11joke,
18:12so I'm going with
18:12Tom Henry on this one.
18:14That's the one
18:14for Tom Henry!
18:16Sabrina,
18:16who you got?
18:17Oh,
18:18I was really caught
18:18between the two
18:19and then one
18:20called me dead.
18:21I'm voting for Jackie.
18:22Oh!
18:24Petty,
18:24a petty,
18:25petty person.
18:26That is one for Jackie.
18:27Russell,
18:28it's down to you.
18:28Who's the winner?
18:29I enjoyed you both immensely.
18:31Um,
18:31I,
18:31I will,
18:32however,
18:33lean towards
18:33Tom Henry
18:34on this one.
18:34Tom Henry is the winner!
18:36Tom Henry's the winner!
18:37Keep it going
18:38for both of our roasters.
18:39It was that close.
18:40Jackie Pirico,
18:41Tom Henry,
18:41fantastic work.
18:44We're going to take
18:45a quick break
18:45to look around
18:46and try to find
18:47some of my dignity.
18:49Final judgments
18:50after this.
19:01Welcome back
19:02to Roast Battle Canada,
19:03now with soap
19:05in the bathrooms.
19:06Yeah!
19:08After all the fucking
19:09madness we've seen tonight,
19:10it's time to go
19:11to the panel
19:12for their final judgments.
19:13K-Trev,
19:14let's start with you.
19:15Well,
19:16I think I learned
19:17something today,
19:18Ennis.
19:18Apparently,
19:19we can just
19:20tell the audience
19:21to laugh at our bits.
19:23Here,
19:24for years,
19:24I've been writing
19:25good material
19:26like a sucker
19:27when I could have
19:28just been demanding
19:29their approval.
19:31Good to know.
19:33Very good to know.
19:35Sabrina,
19:36do you have any
19:36final judgments?
19:38I do,
19:38and you'd have
19:38to laugh at this one.
19:41Ennis,
19:42a little surprise
19:43for you.
19:43During the commercial
19:44break,
19:44I went to your trailer,
19:45I got your laptop,
19:47and I am turning
19:48it into the cops.
19:49So,
19:50I'll look forward
19:51to your final judgment,
19:52baby.
19:54All right,
19:55Russell,
19:55your final judgments.
19:57Well,
19:57you know,
19:57having been gone
19:58from my wonderful
19:59home country
20:00for the past 20 years,
20:01it's nice to see
20:02that racism
20:03is making a comeback.
20:05That is nice.
20:07It is really nice.
20:08All right,
20:08there's your final judgments.
20:09Make some noise
20:10for your winners tonight,
20:11ladies and gentlemen.
20:12They're up there.
20:14Tom Henry,
20:15Graham Chittenden.
20:17Nice to see
20:18two white men winning.
20:19Straight white men winning.
20:20That's nice to see.
20:21It's nice to see.
20:22Well,
20:23that's our time.
20:24But remember,
20:24here on Rose Battle,
20:25we believe that people
20:26are fundamentally good.
20:28Except the people
20:29we booked on this show.
20:30Oh my God,
20:31where did we find
20:32these monsters?
20:33Good night, Canada,
20:34and remember,
20:35if you're watching,
20:36you're part of the problem.
21:03We got to be running for battle.
21:07We got to be running for battle.
21:12We got to be running for battle.
21:25I'll see you next time.
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