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00:00Tonight, Canada's top comics battle it out in Montreal where anything goes.
00:05There could be strippers, there could be mimes, uh, maybe Montreal has a third thing, it doesn't
00:10matter.
00:11From the Just For Laughs Festival, I'm Ennis Esmer and this is Roast Battle Canada!
00:34Welcome to the least healthy way to deal with your childhood trauma.
00:40Tonight these comics are gonna go harder than Russell Peters when he sees a Latina woman.
00:47So buckle up Canada, cause it's about to get more chaotic than K-TREV trying to spell the
00:52word chaotic.
00:53This is Roast Battle Canada!
01:01And now let's meet our judges.
01:04Did you know that K-Trevor Wilson charges $207 for a cameo?
01:09I mean, at that price, he better be showing whole.
01:13Give it up for the guy who puts the con in content creator, it's K-Trevor Wilson!
01:23Oh Ennis, Ennis, Ennis, Ennis, if you're here, who is fixing broken phone screens at your
01:30kiosk in the mall?
01:34I saw a commercial I wanted to tell you about, it's a product you should use.
01:38Uh, I saw this ad where this duck got covered in oil from a horrible oil spill and they were
01:44able to clean all the oil and grease off of it using dish soap, so get some fucking dish
01:51soap.
01:54Wow!
01:56In a recent interview, Sabrina Jalise once said she has never completed a hand job.
02:01To be honest, she's not that great at this job either.
02:04Audience, let's pump her up in a way the fellas say she never could.
02:09It's Sabrina Sandpaper Jalise!
02:16Wow!
02:17Always nice to see you, shitty Mario Lopez.
02:21Our final judge, Russell Peters, suffers from acid reflux.
02:26I think if I spent every day of my entire life listening to Russell Peters, my stomach
02:31would hurt too.
02:33Somebody gonna need a Tums real bad, it's Russell Peters!
02:41Well, Ennis, as you can hear by their reaction, I'm still mad at you for not putting the hummus
02:49in my order yesterday at the kebab shop when you were working.
02:53All right, and now let's get to the battle.
02:57It's Tyler Morrison vs. Michelle Forrester.
03:04I'm gonna win tonight cause I'm slicker than baby oil and I'm about to knock this freak
03:09off the map.
03:10I'm just happy he made it here, I know the shelter line closes at 7.
03:13All I'm saying is, she's available for curbside pickup.
03:17Don't expect much from Tyler, he's more washed up than his wife after she cheats on him.
03:21It's a terrible way to find that out.
03:26Give it up for Tyler Morrison!
03:34And Michelle Forrester!
03:40Yeah!
03:43Tyler Morrison, Michelle Forrester, judges, how do you size this one up, we'll start with
03:48Kate Trev.
03:49Now I do feel like this is a battle that has definitely happened in a Walmart parking lot
03:53before.
03:55All right, very specific.
03:57Sabrina, your pregame thoughts?
03:58This looks like Michelle is battling her racist uncle.
04:04It looks like pumpkin spice vs. country bumpkin.
04:09All right, Russell.
04:11This is great.
04:11This is like that flashback episode of Roseanne when she met Dan.
04:16So...
04:20Okay, on that note, let's get this battle started.
04:23Tyler, are you ready?
04:24Yeah, yeah.
04:24Michelle, are you ready?
04:26Ready.
04:26Audience, are we ready?
04:29Then let's roast!
04:34What can I say about Michelle that Mel Gibson hasn't already said on an answering machine
04:40message?
04:44Seriously, it's great to be here roasting the pigeon lady from Home Alone 2.
04:53It's so good to see you.
04:55Up close, your mugshot was really blurry.
04:57Uh, it's kind of like if you're here, who's eating a turkey leg in a holding cell?
05:05Tyler, you put the S.A. in your honor.
05:09She was asking for it.
05:19Michelle was on the Just for Laughs show, New Faces.
05:23If that's your new face, I don't want to see the old one.
05:31I would talk about your shit-eating grin, but you do look like someone who eats pussy
05:36back to front.
05:40Michelle's actually from Montreal.
05:42Make some noise.
05:44Hometown!
05:45Hometown!
05:46Yes!
05:47But she moved away because she fucking hated it here.
05:52But I get it.
05:53It's a pretty expensive city, you know?
05:55Like I went to the bar last night, tried to get a beer.
05:58Let me say this.
05:58If I wanted to pay $10 for some moose head, I'd just ask Michelle for a blowjob.
06:08Tyler has a vibe of a guy who has a truck with bigger balls than him.
06:13I'd call you a redneck, but I can't seem to find yours.
06:19Seriously, your head is so swollen and inflamed, it's making your dick jealous.
06:27A lot of guys say they've taken Michelle to pound town, which isn't really the nicest
06:32thing to call Weight Watchers.
06:39No, she's actually lost a lot of weight, guys.
06:42Give it up for Rumpeluskin.
06:49Tyler is self-conscious about his age.
06:52He didn't tell me that, I just assumed.
06:56I personally think that Tyler has aged like a fine wine in that we keep him locked up
07:02in the basement until a sad woman wants to feel something.
07:07Yeah.
07:08Yeah.
07:09That's good.
07:10That's good.
07:10That's good.
07:12I have aged like a fine wine.
07:15You, on the other hand, have aged like a fine swine.
07:22You look like your biological clock is being rung by a fucking hunchback.
07:30He's right over there.
07:31Give it up for K-Trev.
07:35Tyler sounds like the last voice you hear at a party before you get your stomach pumped.
07:43Michelle says she's got an eating disorder.
07:53I don't know if it's bulimia.
07:54I just think she's so dumb.
07:56She didn't know what her uncle meant when he said he wanted to watch her finger herself
08:00after dinner.
08:04Michelle has a copper IUD.
08:10Yeah that's not an IUD.
08:12Someone threw a penny down there because they thought it was a wishing well.
08:25We're not so different.
08:26Michelle has a copper IUD.
08:28Tonight, I'm going to get a DUI from a copper.
08:34In both cases, you're still blowing for a pig on the side of the road.
08:42Layers.
08:43Tyler cited drinking in his shed as one of his favorite activities.
08:50It's like just say you're divorced, you know what I mean?
08:54Tyler's just like the Unabomber.
08:56Except instead of mailing bombs, he just mailed in his career.
09:02Last joke, Michelle Forrester isn't a lesbian.
09:07She is named after their favorite type of Subaru.
09:13And much like a Subaru Forrester, she's also had entire hockey teams crammed inside of her.
09:21Can I just say, hockey teams love me and that is patriotism.
09:27Okay?
09:28That's patriotism.
09:29All bows up.
09:32Tyler loves to play poker because it's the only time he can chase a river and not fall in.
09:40Which is good because he really sucks at blackjack.
09:43He's always busting on 21-year-olds.
09:48Michelle Forrester and Tyler Morrison, everybody!
09:52Oh my goodness!
09:54Wow!
09:56All right!
09:58Need a little shower after that.
10:01Kaytrev, how was that battle for you?
10:02I feel like you were the type of people who would secretly fuck in a closet at an AA meeting.
10:09That was a hate-fuck kind of roast right there.
10:12Good job to both of you.
10:14Sabrina, your thoughts?
10:15I saw that too, actually, yeah.
10:17I thought that was super funny.
10:19I'd love to throw a penny into a Pussy Wishing Well to wish for all roasts to be as funny
10:24as this one.
10:24Great job, guys.
10:27Russell, your post-game analysis.
10:29Well, Tyler is like the, uh, uh, is the veteran in this roast battle series.
10:34And Michelle came in unfazed and unintimidated.
10:37And, uh, that was fun just to see you hold your own and strike right back at him.
10:41Yeah, excellent, man.
10:44It was great, but now it's time to pick a winner.
10:46Kaytrev, who you got?
10:47I thought, uh, Michelle was really strong off the top.
10:50But as the roast went on, uh, Tyler brought out some fucking hammers and just pounded that one home.
10:56And I'm going with, uh, the, the veteran, Tyler Morrison, on this one.
11:00That's one.
11:01That's one for you, Tyler.
11:02Sabrina, who's your winner?
11:04Look, I was gonna vote for her just because I love her outfit.
11:07But then her jokes were really strong.
11:09I'm giving it to Michelle.
11:11All right, we got a tie.
11:13That's one for Michelle Forrester.
11:14Russell, you're the deciding vote.
11:16Who's your winner?
11:17I mean, this should come as no surprise to anybody, but I, I would give it to Michelle.
11:24Um...
11:24But I have to go with Tyler Morrison on this one.
11:27Tyler Morrison is the winner.
11:28Thank you, thank you.
11:28Morrison is your winner.
11:29Hey, give it up for Michelle too.
11:30That's fucking good.
11:30Give it up for Michelle Forrester.
11:32Give it up for both your roasters.
11:34Thanks, guys.
11:34Hi, Nate.
11:35Fantastic work.
11:36Amazing stuff.
11:37So vivid in description.
11:39All right, we're gonna take a quick break, but coming up next, we have a battle so dark,
11:43Russell will mimic its accent in his next two specials.
11:46More Rose Battle after this.
12:00Welcome back to Rose Battle, the show that does for comedy what Pearl Harbor did for Harbors.
12:07And you know how sometimes I say that Russell Peters is a talented DJ?
12:11Well, a person I'm not lying about when I say that is our resident DJ, DJ Killa Jewel.
12:21And now let's get to the battle.
12:23It's Che Dorena versus Jacob Bolshin.
12:30Che's one of the nicest friends I have.
12:32He's a very sweet man.
12:33He lets me sleep at his apartment.
12:35You're totally gonna lose, dude.
12:38I banged your mom.
12:39He's gonna say mean things about me.
12:41Tell me I have a small pee pee.
12:42Tell me no one wants to have sex with me.
12:44Your dad doesn't know.
12:45And this is gonna be revealed to him through this roast.
12:48Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
12:52Welcome to the Thunderdome, motherfucker.
12:56Give it up for Che Dorena.
13:06And Jacob Bolshin.
13:16All right, Che Dorena, Jacob Bolshin.
13:20Judges, let's size up this battle.
13:21Okay, Trev, your thoughts?
13:22I'm excited for this.
13:24This looks like the cast of the musical Hamilton versus what they actually would have looked like.
13:31Sabrina, your pre-game thoughts?
13:33Uh, yeah, this looks like the battle of two dicks.
13:37Big versus circumcised.
13:39All right, Russell, your thoughts?
13:41Well, this, uh, this is a case of two wrongs don't make a right.
13:44Um, a half a black guy and a Jew.
13:47Um, let's see who dies first.
13:50Um, okay, let's get this battle started.
13:55Che, are you ready?
13:56I'm ready.
13:57Jacob, are you ready?
13:58I'm ready.
13:58Audience, are you ready?
14:01Well, then, let's roast!
14:06All right.
14:09Jacob looks like he talks to his therapist about how uncomfortable the hotel cuck chair is.
14:16Che Dorena has had chlamydia six times.
14:21Biggles!
14:24I'm a Jew.
14:27A rabbi took my foreskin, but bacteria ate chase.
14:34Jacob almost exclusively fucks they-them pussy.
14:38He's fucked so many they-thems, he's an honorary barista at your local coffee shop.
14:44I fuck they-them's, but Che fucks oo-e's.
14:53Uh, Che's surprisingly progressive.
14:58Most of the women he has sex with identify as trolls who haunt a bridge.
15:05Jacob and I are actually best friends.
15:08Uh, and we are peers.
15:11We're both here at Just for Laughs, and while we're here, I'm hosting the legendary nasty show.
15:17Yeah.
15:20Yeah.
15:22And Jacob just won most peg-able twink at a Montreal bathhouse.
15:29It's true, Che is famous.
15:31You may recognize him as the shit from Two Girls, One Cup.
15:42What does Jacob making a woman come in the Holocaust have in common?
15:48They're two sad stories about Jews that never actually happened.
15:56Che is one of my good friends.
15:58I stayed at his apartment in New York.
16:00He actually only owns one fork.
16:03Che's the only man I know who's paid for more abortions than cutlery.
16:10Che is the whitest black guy I know.
16:14Che's so white, he thinks Juneteenth is the age of consent.
16:23Last joke!
16:25Jacob was a virgin until he was 23, and when he finally had sex,
16:29his depression medication made it impossible to come.
16:33He's the only Jewish missile that refuses to launch.
16:40Che is a fuckboy.
16:42He fucks boys.
16:46Che Durena was born with only one testicle.
16:51Che's such a fuckboy, he left a nut in his own mom.
17:02Che Durena and Che Durena and Che Durena, let them hear it, ladies and gentlemen.
17:07Che Durena and Che Durena and Che Durena.
17:07All right, let's size this up.
17:09Che Durena and Che Durena are having fun for you!
17:10This is actually a lot of fun to watch.
17:12You can tell they're really friends because Jacob kept drifting closer to Che Durena for protection
17:35confident and then there you were at the end with the juneteenth joke it's gonna be hard it's gonna
17:39be hard to pick a winner okay russell your analysis i i was i was actually pleasantly
17:44surprised by this because i met both of them backstage and they didn't seem funny at all so
17:51i'm glad you held back until you got out here okay why blow your load early i say
17:56all right judges time to pick a winner k trev who you got uh this was a really good battle
18:00i thought
18:01she came out really strong off the top but i think after that juneteenth joke uh landed that uh
18:07jacob took the rest of it i'm going with jacob on this one thank you all right that's one for
18:12jacob
18:13sabrina yeah they were very sort of head to head and then um and then one of them pulled ahead
18:20and
18:20i like that you fuck they thems let's talk okay that's two for jacob russell you know usually i
18:26like to be contrary and go against what they're doing but i uh sorry chay uh you know i gotta
18:32lean towards jacob on this one jacob balshin is the winner is jacob balshin let him hear it everybody
18:39fantastic work being so mean we're gonna take a quick break but when we come back we'll find out
18:47which of our judges killed a winnipeg gas station employee in 2003 and got away with it i think
18:53you'll be surprised who it is final judgments after this
19:08welcome back during the break the entire audience was entertained by our celebrity judges
19:14and sabrina was also there after all the abject lunacy we've seen tonight it's time to go to the
19:22panel for their final judgments k trev we'll start with you well i think we all learned something here
19:28tonight ennis to paraphrase kermit the frog it's not easy being mean but it's fun and on that note
19:37give it a try
19:40it's dish soap
19:43oil and grease ennis oil and grease your hair will thank you
19:50yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
19:53sabrina your final judgments i feel like i learned that if a girl comes on this show
19:58dressed like billy eilish there's very little that a man that looks like
20:02he's been weathered by time can do to get my vote yeah okay strong lesson that's lesbian nepotism
20:10all right russell your final judgments my final thought is that it's not over till the fat lady
20:17sings so ennis well let's make some noise for our winners tonight and all our fantastic roasters of
20:25course well that's all the time we have and if you've been playing the roast battle canada drinking
20:31game where you drink every time one of our comics should be canceled right now you're probably in the
20:37hospital or dead good night canada and remember if you're watching you're part of the problem
20:42game where you're going
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