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The King of Queens S03E04 Ctrl Episode 4 Engsub
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00:04I'm coming!
00:10Yeah, hello.
00:11Hey, it's me, Steph.
00:13Are you okay?
00:15Yeah, just ran for the phone.
00:16Oh, well, you'll be glad you did, because guess what?
00:19Are you sure you're all right?
00:21Oh, no. Let's give it another minute before we panic.
00:25Well, assuming you don't drop,
00:27how would you like to go with me tonight
00:29to the Ranger game?
00:31You got tickets?
00:32Hey, I'm in the sports biz.
00:34You teach gym.
00:36Do you want to go or not?
00:37I want to go, but I can't.
00:39I promised Carrie we'd rent a movie tonight.
00:40Come on. I've only been back in town a month,
00:42and we've hardly seen each other.
00:44Don't you want to do a little brother-sister bonding?
00:48Where are the seats?
00:50They're in the garden. That's all you need to know.
00:52You know, I can't. I can't.
00:54I blew Carrie off the last few movie nights.
00:56This one could impact my sex life.
01:00I mean, I'll get the basics, but no extras.
01:05Hold on a second. I'm getting another call.
01:08Yeah, hello?
01:08Hey, hon. It's me.
01:10Big favor. You know Laura Beth,
01:12that lawyer I'm friendly with?
01:14Yeah.
01:15Well, she invited me out to dinner
01:16with her and a couple of her friends,
01:19and I just wanted to know if it was okay
01:20if I missed movie night.
01:22I already rented Girl Interrupted.
01:27I got it right here.
01:32Oh, come on, hon. I really want to go.
01:34You know, girls' night out.
01:35I could make some new friends.
01:37Or just friends, period.
01:40Go, go. Have fun.
01:41Oh, really?
01:42You're the best, honey. I love you.
01:44Okay, a week through,
01:45because I'm on the other line.
01:46All right, I'll see you around town.
01:47Bye.
01:49Good news.
01:50Carrie's going out with some lesbians.
01:56Happy birthday, dear Lisa.
02:00Happy birthday to you.
02:03Yay.
02:07Lovely voices.
02:08All of you, really.
02:10I hope you all die.
02:12Especially you.
02:13You're new.
02:14You should be nicer.
02:16Yeah, yeah, yeah.
02:16Too much peer pressure.
02:17I caved.
02:17I did, yeah.
02:19Come on, don't be like that on your birthday.
02:20It is not my birthday.
02:23They'll make us pay for the cake.
02:25All right, I give up.
02:27Happy 27th to me.
02:28There you go.
02:2927?
02:29I'm sorry, did you sleep
02:30through your last five birthdays?
02:33Well, I wouldn't mind
02:34jumping ahead a few years.
02:35Then I wouldn't have to go
02:36to my Barnard reunion next week.
02:38Going to reunion next week
02:39and you're eating fudge cake?
02:41Mm, gutsy.
02:42I like that.
02:44I can't wait to go
02:45to my college reunion.
02:47No, really.
02:47I just made partner.
02:49I just got married
02:50and I could crack a walnut
02:52with my ass.
02:54Great time for a reunion, baby.
02:56Or a bad time
02:57if you're a walnut.
03:00Carrie, have you gone
03:01to your reunion yet?
03:02Oh, actually,
03:03I didn't graduate, so...
03:06What?
03:07No, wait.
03:08I, uh...
03:08I thought you were a lawyer.
03:10Me?
03:11No, no, no.
03:12I'm a secretary.
03:15Like, the best secretary
03:16at the firm.
03:16Oh, thank you.
03:18Oh, wow.
03:19God, yeah.
03:20Yeah, hey,
03:21and I hear
03:21Secretary's Week
03:22is coming up soon,
03:23so that'll be good, right?
03:25Oh, my God,
03:26I totally forgot to tell you.
03:27What was it?
03:34Hey, hey, funny thing.
03:36Right after you called,
03:37Stephanie called
03:38with ranger tickets.
03:39Huh?
03:40Woo, talk about meant to be.
03:42I mean,
03:42I know we're all
03:43God's children,
03:44but sometimes
03:45I think he likes
03:46me extra special.
03:49Oh, that was
03:51ladies' night out, huh?
03:52What'd you...
03:52Did you talk tampons, huh?
04:02Do you hate men now?
04:07Okay.
04:08Okay, what's happening?
04:10I was having
04:11a great time.
04:13I mean, I was, like,
04:14finally hanging out
04:16with women
04:16who didn't annoy
04:16the crap out of me,
04:18you know?
04:18And I was, like,
04:19totally on, you know?
04:21I was funny
04:23and charming.
04:25Let me finish!
04:26You always interrupt me.
04:28Let me finish!
04:31Okay.
04:33And then,
04:33and then they started
04:35talking about
04:35college reunions,
04:36you know,
04:37and then they asked me
04:37about mine,
04:38and I said,
04:38oh, I didn't graduate.
04:39And they said,
04:40oh, but we thought
04:40you were a lawyer.
04:41And I said,
04:42no, I'm a secretary.
04:43And they were, like,
04:45oh, it's
04:46secretary's week?
04:48You love secretary's week.
04:51Okay.
04:52Okay.
04:53All right, okay.
04:54Okay, shit, okay.
04:55And I'm just as smart
04:56as they are.
04:57Yes, you are.
04:58Yes, you are.
04:58I know you are, baby.
04:59Okay.
05:00It's okay.
05:02Rangers won.
05:03It's okay.
05:05Come on,
05:05take a deep breath.
05:07There you go.
05:08There you go.
05:09Okay?
05:10Hey, hey.
05:11Hey, you know what
05:12cheers me up
05:13when I'm feeling sad?
05:15A snack.
05:20There you go.
05:21You feeling better?
05:23Not really.
05:25The milk's gone bad.
05:29I could have been like them.
05:30I really could have.
05:31I could have had a
05:32palm pilot, you know,
05:33and been going to my
05:34college reunion.
05:35But no,
05:35I had to drop out
05:36when my mom died
05:37to get a job.
05:38Good going, Carrie.
05:40You'll tell me
05:40something about
05:41fancy book learnings.
05:44You little lady
05:45got something
05:46much better.
05:47They call it
05:48street smarts.
05:49Yeah, great.
05:50It's true.
05:50Like when we're
05:51on the subway
05:52and some guy
05:52comes up to you
05:53asking for money
05:53and you pretend
05:54to be deaf.
05:59Learned that stuff
06:00in school.
06:01Look,
06:02I'm just going
06:02to go to bed.
06:03I've got a full day
06:04of coffee pouring
06:05and phone answering
06:06ahead of me.
06:07I want to be sharp.
06:07Thanks for trying
06:09to cheer me up.
06:10You're very sweet.
06:11to get you
06:12to market.
06:15Oh,
06:19Oh,
06:22Oh,
06:42Doug, wake up.
06:43Hey, everybody off.
06:48It's important.
06:50What is it?
06:52I'm going to go back to school.
06:54Okay.
06:55Doug.
06:57What?
06:57I'm going to finish school, get a diploma, and get a better job.
07:04I have to pee.
07:08I have my old course guide in the closet.
07:10I can pick out my entire semester tonight.
07:13You see, I've been lying there, going over the whole thing in my mind.
07:16How I screwed up my life and everything, and then it just hit me.
07:19Fix it, you idiot.
07:20Can we talk about this later?
07:22But I'm so excited.
07:23Aren't you excited for me?
07:24Don't hug me now.
07:34Ah, I just did everything possible to avoid light.
07:38Sorry.
07:39Yeah, me too.
07:40I think I splashed your bath salts.
07:45So, you're really serious?
07:46You want to go to school again?
07:49Yes.
07:50I can do this, Doug.
07:52I know you can do it.
07:53It's just, are you going to quit your job?
07:56No, I'll still work.
07:57I'll just go to school at night.
08:00Well, when would I see you?
08:02I'll make time.
08:06I'll make time.
08:29Get thicker pants.
08:33Stop.
08:35Well, what am I supposed to do when you're at your homecoming dances and your pep rallies?
08:40Okay, I'm not going to Rydell High.
08:44And you can take up a hobby.
08:46What about the guitar you made me buy?
08:47That's still in the closet.
08:48You can learn to play that.
08:49Sounds like a lot of effort on my part.
08:51Come on, honey.
08:53Let me go to school.
08:55I'll wear a uniform.
08:58Fine.
08:58Go to school.
08:59I love you.
08:59I love you.
09:00All right.
09:06Off to the morning.
09:07All right.
09:28Wow.
09:29Still studying, huh?
09:30Yep.
09:30Queens College for knowledge, baby.
09:33Hey, how you doing?
09:34Oh, I'm a little stressed.
09:36This philosophy paper's due Tuesday, 9 a.m.
09:38And the professor said if it's not in on time, it's fish wrap.
09:43Well, been pretty busy myself.
09:45Yeah.
09:46Wrote a little song.
09:50You wrote a song?
09:52That's good progress in only one week.
09:54Want to hear it?
09:55I think I need to, yes.
09:56All right, and then here we go.
09:59Duggan, Carrie, Duggan, Carrie Duggan, Carrie Duggan, Carrie Duggan, Carrie Duggan, Carrie Duggan.
10:07Arthur, Arthur, Arthur.
10:10Arthur, Arthur, Arthur Duggan, Carrie Duggan.
10:13Okay.
10:14That is really good.
10:16That is good.
10:16That's good.
10:17I didn't get to the bridge yet.
10:17That's okay. Gives me something to look forward to.
10:20Okay.
10:21Okay, then.
10:28So, you want to go for pizza?
10:30I can't.
10:31You know, I'm a little under the gun here.
10:33What am I supposed to do?
10:34I don't know. Play your guitar.
10:36I already did that.
10:40Wrote a song.
10:41Yeah, Doug, come on.
10:42I am under a lot of pressure, okay?
10:44And I'm starting to get a headache.
10:46A headache? Well, you know what?
10:47Sounds like a little pizza is what you need.
10:48Doug, well, stop it.
10:49Now, come on.
10:50You know how important this is to me?
10:52I also know that you promised me that you'd make time for me.
10:55See, I knew this would happen.
10:56Okay, so I underestimated how hard this was going to be, all right?
10:59Just cut me a break here.
11:00You're not really that upset because I can't go for pizza, are you?
11:03Because you haven't gone out for pizza in days.
11:07I don't even know you anymore.
11:10It's obvious I am not going to get any work done here.
11:13So, if you need me, I will be at the library.
11:16Believe me, I won't need you.
11:17I'll be too busy here getting my groove on.
11:19Great.
11:25Doug and pizza, Doug and pizza.
11:30Toppings, toppings, toppings, toppings, toppings.
11:36Wow.
11:36You go away for a few years and they totally revamped the menu on you.
11:39Yeah, so you're going to get something?
11:42No, I can't.
11:42I used up all my fat points for the day.
11:46My God, the chicken strips sound incredible.
11:49What are they?
11:49Lightly breaded?
11:50I'll bet they're lightly breaded, right?
11:51Yeah, I guess they are.
11:52Yep.
11:53What kind of dipping sauce are we talking about?
11:55Honey mustard.
11:56Ah, that's so perfect.
11:58Will you just get them already?
11:59I can't.
12:00I'm dieting.
12:01But if you get the wings, I'll pick at them.
12:03You're not going to pick at them.
12:05I'll come back from the bathroom.
12:06There'll be chicken bones everywhere
12:07and you'll be huddled in the corner crying.
12:11Ah, that is so not true.
12:14I've been very disciplined.
12:15You know that I've lost weight.
12:17You haven't even told me how good I look.
12:19What do you want me to say?
12:20Hey, sis, great ass.
12:24Really?
12:24Great how?
12:27I got to get out of here by nine.
12:28I want to try to grab a few minutes with Carrie
12:30before she starts to work on her paper.
12:32How sad is that?
12:34I'm married to a person who does homework.
12:36Are you about to go on another rant about this?
12:38Just warn me so I can fling myself into traffic.
12:40Well, I'm sorry, but it's unnatural.
12:42You know, a grown woman in school,
12:43it's like a 40-year-old guy with braces.
12:49What are you...
12:50Don't look at me like that.
12:51What, you want to know what I think?
12:52No.
12:53I think you're intimidated by it.
12:54Okay, what'd you get stuck on?
12:55The N or the O?
12:57It's mad.
12:58It's true.
12:59She wants to finish college,
13:00and you are petrified that it means she'll leave you behind.
13:03What?
13:04Okay, first of all, I'm a teamster.
13:06I don't petrify.
13:08Second of all,
13:09that's the stupidest thing I've ever heard.
13:11Fine.
13:14And what if I was afraid of that, huh?
13:16Now, really, think about it.
13:19She aces this class, right?
13:21Finishes college, then goes to law school.
13:23Where does that leave us?
13:24We're having dinner,
13:25she's telling me about the guy she saved in the electric chair,
13:27and I'm like,
13:27oh, yeah, really?
13:28I just got a new beaded truck seat.
13:31You know,
13:33instead of thinking about yourself for five minutes,
13:35why don't you start thinking about her?
13:36You know,
13:37all she's trying to do is accomplish something,
13:39to feel better about her life.
13:41Instead of bitching,
13:42maybe you could throw her a little support.
13:44Hmm?
13:47You're fat.
13:53What I'm saying is,
13:55I think Plato's careful organization of his dialogues
13:58is only one of a lot of devices he used to make his point.
14:01You mean, like,
14:02even the setting and then the names of the characters
14:04is a deliberate choice he made?
14:06Absolutely.
14:07Matter of fact.
14:07Come on, Karen.
14:08You can only sit here with his dumb smile on your face for so long.
14:13Say something halfway intelligent here.
14:16Problem is,
14:17Plato took great care
14:18not to leave any obvious tracks
14:19of the plans of his dialogues.
14:21Right?
14:22Totally.
14:24That's true.
14:25Oh,
14:26I'm such an idiot.
14:27Come on, Karen.
14:28You're letting Miss Perky Breast here show you up.
14:31Look at her with her perky breasts.
14:34Think of something smart to say.
14:37She was a very tricky fellow.
14:38Doug and Karen,
14:39Doug and Karen,
14:40Doug and Karen,
14:41Doug and Karen,
14:42Oh, my God.
14:42Not now.
14:43Not the stamp song now.
14:46Focus.
14:47You must have one good thing to say about this Play-Doh guy.
14:51You've been reading about him for two weeks.
14:53Of course,
14:54that's with working ten hours a day
14:56and trying to care for my dad
14:58and trying to keep a marriage intact.
15:00I'll bet Perky Breast doesn't have to deal with any of that.
15:04Or Scraggle Beard.
15:06Hey,
15:07Perky Breast and Scraggle Beard.
15:09Sounds like a new cop show.
15:11Help!
15:11Scraggle Beard!
15:12I'm hit!
15:15What do you think, Harry?
15:17Um,
15:18I can't help but wonder,
15:20you know,
15:21was Play-Doh really a student of Socrates
15:24or was he in many ways
15:25a student of himself?
15:27Hmm?
15:32Yeah,
15:32we just wanted to know
15:34if you were in the mood for Chinese.
15:38Totally.
15:56Oh, hi,
15:57you're home.
15:57Good.
15:58Listen,
15:58we need to talk.
15:59Yes,
15:59we definitely need to talk.
16:00I don't want school to come between us anymore.
16:03I know,
16:03I know,
16:04me neither.
16:04This is great.
16:05Good.
16:05That's why I decided I'm going to quit.
16:07Quit?
16:08Yes.
16:08Doug,
16:09you don't like me being there.
16:10It's making us argue,
16:11so that's it.
16:11I'm gone.
16:13I was just going to say
16:14that you should stay in school
16:15and that I should be more supportive.
16:17I had a whole speech plan
16:18that was going to lead to great makeup sex.
16:19You're ruining it.
16:22Doug,
16:22no, no, no,
16:23you got it backwards.
16:24You see,
16:24I got caught up in this whole stupid school thing
16:26that I wasn't being supportive of you.
16:28Like with that great Doug and Kerry song,
16:30which, by the way,
16:31is growing on me like nobody's business.
16:34So you're doing this for me?
16:35Yes.
16:36Turn up your miracle ear,
16:37Corky,
16:37for you.
16:39I don't want you to do it for me.
16:40Well, too bad.
16:41I'm doing it for you.
16:42Well, then don't do it.
16:42Doug, I am doing it.
16:43You have no say in the matter.
16:45Why are you fighting me on this?
16:46Because I can't read.
16:51I mean,
16:52I can read.
16:53No, I can do that.
16:53It's just that I don't understand
16:54what the hell it is that I'm reading.
16:56Why not?
16:57Doug,
16:57I cannot wrap my brain around all of this,
16:59you know?
17:00It's like,
17:00I'm supposed to turn in a 10-page paper
17:02on the allegory of the cave
17:03and I'm still struggling
17:04with the concept of two Darrens on Bewitched.
17:09That's it.
17:09I thought I was smart enough,
17:10but I'm not.
17:11That's crazy.
17:12Carrie, you are smart.
17:13Oh, you're just saying that
17:14because you're married to me.
17:16Hey,
17:16I wouldn't have married you
17:17in the first place
17:17if you weren't so smart.
17:20Really?
17:21Actually,
17:21I probably would have.
17:22I was pretty horny then.
17:24Come on.
17:25You can't quit now.
17:26Yes, I can.
17:27No, you can't.
17:28Now, come on.
17:29We're going back to the library
17:30and we're going to stay there
17:31as long as it takes for you
17:32to write the paper.
17:33We both know you can write.
17:34And if that doesn't work,
17:36I'll just buy one on the internet.
17:41Just remember,
17:41I am here for you.
17:42Your job is to work on the paper.
17:44I take care of all else.
17:45Food, waste, etc.
17:47Okay, but I'll take care
17:48of my own waste, though.
17:51It's your call.
17:53Oh, man,
17:54there's a woman
17:54on the microphone machine
17:55and it's the only one, too.
17:57Okay, you see,
17:57this is where having
17:58a manager pays off.
17:59Now, you just go sharpen
18:00your pencil
18:00and I'll take care of her.
18:14Wow.
18:16God bless America.
18:17Tuna in a vending machine.
18:21What's next?
18:22Hovercrafts?
18:25You still on this?
18:26You gonna be on this long?
18:27Yes, I have quite a bit
18:29of work to do.
18:30Ah, gotcha.
18:32No problem.
18:33I'll wait.
18:36Mmm, wow.
18:37Dinosaurs.
18:38Interesting stuff.
18:40Tyrannosaurus rex, man.
18:41Woo!
18:42He's a big fella.
18:43Bet you he had
18:44a nice-sized ding-a-ling, huh?
18:46He's a big fella.
18:50Bad his arms are too short
18:52to get a go at it, though.
18:53Oh, yeah.
19:03I've got to go.
19:04Okay.
19:05You have a nice day, then, okay?
19:06All right.
19:18Carrie?
19:20Carrie!
19:20Plato!
19:22Come on, you can't sleep now.
19:23What are you doing?
19:24Oh, no.
19:24Where did you go?
19:25I went home to get ready for work.
19:27Did you finish the paper?
19:28Oh, well, let me see.
19:29Plato was, uh...
19:32Oregon...
19:32trying to...
19:34Oh, my God.
19:34My head must have fallen on the keyboard.
19:38Look, slap a period on it
19:39and let's blow this clam-bake.
19:40Come on, it's doing...
19:41Oh, my God.
19:42Ten minutes.
19:42What?
19:43Doc, I still have to print it out
19:44and his office is all the way
19:46on the other side of campus.
19:47We'll never make it.
19:48Yes, we will.
19:48No, we won't.
19:49Hey, you listen to me, Missy.
19:50I may not be good at much in this life,
19:52but I am good at one thing.
19:53Getting packages to where they're going
19:55on time, every time.
19:56Overnight service available
19:57in the continent of the United States.
19:59No Sunday delivery.
19:59For more information,
20:00go to www.ips.net.
20:05I had coffee.
20:08Cingerella dressed in yellow
20:10Went upstairs to kiss the bell
20:13Made a mistake.
20:15Come on.
20:19I can't...
20:22We're gonna make it, aren't we?
20:24Yeah, we gotta hurry.
20:31Oh, my God.
20:32Are you all right?
20:33It's fine until the phone landed on me.
20:36Go!
20:36Let's go!
20:39Oh, boy.
20:45Okay, everyone.
20:46Most of you know me as
20:48beer drinking, dart playing.
20:50Slightly mysterious, Doug.
20:52Tonight, meet
20:53thoughtful poet
20:54with a message, Doug.
20:56Whatever.
20:57Ah, screw y'all.
21:00This one, I'm
21:01dedicating to my
21:02my baby
21:04who proved that not only
21:05does she have the looks
21:06in this relationship,
21:06but she's also got
21:07the brains
21:08by acing her college paper
21:09with a C-.
21:14No, no, no.
21:15The wings are hers,
21:16but she needs dipping sauce.
21:23All right, can I bet this one
21:24is for you?
21:25It's called
21:26Love Will Keep Us Together.
21:28Okay.
21:29Hmm.
21:31Love,
21:32love will keep us.
21:48Take care.
21:53Take care.
21:54Take care.
21:55Take care.
22:10Take care.
22:11Take care.
22:13Take care.
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