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The King of Queens S03E08 Ctrl Episode 8 Engsub
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00:16What the?
00:26No, I mean it.
00:38Hey, hey, hey, hey!
00:39What are you doing with that?
00:41Just watching the sunlight hit it.
00:44That is for tomorrow.
00:46But I'm hungry. I'm just gonna take a leg.
00:49Doug, we are having guests for Thanksgiving,
00:51and I am not serving them a one-legged turkey.
00:55Well, what, turkey can't be handicapped?
00:57Well, you got some kind of problem.
00:58Come on, I will find you something in there that is good, okay?
01:03Come on, here we go. Let's see.
01:06Okay, you can't have that.
01:08Mashed potatoes, no.
01:09Yams, no.
01:10Pie, no.
01:11Okay, you know what? You name one more thing I can have, and I'm gonna...
01:13Ah, yeah!
01:18I'm sorry. I don't think there's anything in here that you can have.
01:21How about stuffing? A little stuffing.
01:22Come on, I love you.
01:27No.
01:27It's stuffing. You can't tell if stuffing's missing.
01:32I'll remold it. I'll even it out.
01:34Hey, look at me.
01:35No one has to know.
01:38Oh, oh, oh.
01:40Look, looky here.
01:41I found something that you can have.
01:44Oh, Lunchables.
01:45Oh, this is it.
01:47It's great. You know why?
01:48Because this is like lunch, only a lot smaller.
01:51This is going to be perfect.
01:52Thank you very much.
01:54There we go.
02:04I'm stuffed.
02:07My eyes are getting weary.
02:10My back is getting tight.
02:13I'm sitting here in traffic
02:15On the Queensborough Bridge tonight
02:17But I don't care
02:19Cause all I wanna do
02:23Is catch my check
02:25And drive right home to you
02:28Cause baby all my life
02:31I will be driving home to you
02:50Oh, I for one am stuffed
02:56Ooh, Thanksgiving, man
02:58Not a good day to be my pants
03:02There aren't a lot of real good days
03:06That's nice, very nice
03:07After we just fed you
03:08Well, the carrot of food was unbelievable
03:10Oh, excellent
03:11Yes, honey, it was delicious
03:12Thank you
03:12Oh, don't thank me
03:14Thank the good folks at Holiday in a Box
03:16Yeah, but who went and picked it up?
03:18Actually, they dropped it off
03:21Well, come on, girl
03:22Who reheated it?
03:24That's true
03:25I did
03:25Okay, okay
03:26Pride is back
03:27Yeah
03:29Ugh
03:30You know the food is good
03:31When it knocks a man out cold
03:35Hey, you wanna stick his hand in warm water
03:36See if we can make him pee?
03:38Yeah
03:39It'll be nice to be on the other end of that for once
03:43But even if it does work
03:44Aren't you just gonna be ruining your own couch?
03:47Oh, good point
03:47Good point
03:48Let's see here
03:49Oh, this is perfect
03:52This is great
03:57Oh, man
03:58Shh, shh, shh
04:07It's funny, right?
04:10Actually, my kid could look exactly like that
04:16Doug, what the hell are you doing to him?
04:19We're just dressing him up like a big baby, relax
04:21Stop it
04:22He's killing time till dessert
04:24Doug, it's Thanksgiving, could you be nice?
04:26I think I have a right to mess with him on Thanksgiving
04:29Dessert's up
04:29What are you talking about?
04:31Kidding me?
04:32You remember how he tortured me the first Thanksgiving I met him?
04:34My God, it was hell
04:35I remember Thanksgiving very well
04:37It was a great day
04:38It was the first time I got the nerve up to tell you I love you
04:42Got the nerve up?
04:43It wasn't so hard after I told you
04:45What?
04:46You think you told me first?
04:48Si, senorita
04:49Uh, I think I told you first, senor
04:52Okay, you know what?
04:53Don't go Spanish
04:53I went Spanish
04:56Spanish?
05:02That got you up?
05:03You know what?
05:04Dad will know
05:05Dad, do you remember meeting, uh, Doug for the first time on Thanksgiving?
05:09Of course I remember meeting Doug
05:11I believe it was Thanksgiving
05:17Daddy, we're going to the Thanksgiving party now
05:20Have fun, sweetheart
05:22Hey
05:22You touch one hair on her head
05:25I'll gut you like a fish
05:26I'll scram
05:31Dad, that was Donnie Peacock
05:34And we were eight years old
05:35And he ran out of the house crying
05:37I am talking about meeting Doug
05:40On Thanksgiving
05:41You don't remember?
05:50I'll take the Thanksgiving special, Kimiko
05:52Ah, yes, I'm sorry
05:59No, that couldn't be the one
06:04Dad, 1993
06:06I had been dating Doug a few months
06:08You were still married to Lily
06:09You remember?
06:18There you go
06:20A little taste of what's coming
06:23Delicious
06:23As are you, milady
06:25Oh, guys, guys, guys
06:30Guys, my boyfriend's going to be here any minute
06:32And we're not close to ready
06:33Any chance we can get dinner going
06:35Before you guys get to third base?
06:38You heard her
06:38Get off
06:41So, uh, who is this, uh, Hefferman fellow?
06:45Heffernan, Dad
06:45Doug Heffernan
06:46He's a guy I've been dating for six months
06:49Any relation to Lou Heffernan?
06:50I don't know
06:51Uh, where's the ladle?
06:52Oh, wouldn't that be funny
06:54If they were related, huh?
06:55Yes, that would be very, very funny, Lily
06:57Listen, um, by the way, you guys
06:59I took down your naked poster
07:00Of John and Yoko
07:02Please don't fight me on that
07:04So, what is this young man's line of work, anyway?
07:07Uh, he's training to be a driver at IPS
07:10Oh, boy
07:11Oh, boy, Dad
07:13It's a good job
07:14Yeah, it's a swell job
07:15Until they invent a machine to do it
07:18I don't want you to talk
07:19You polish bowling balls for a living
07:21I polish and engrave them
07:23Show me the machine that can do that
07:26Leave her alone, Arthur
07:28I'm glad she finally found a boy she's serious about
07:32Has he told you he loves you yet?
07:34Uh, not yet
07:35He's not the, uh, say I love you out loud type of guy
07:37Hmm
07:39Well, I know I'm not your mother, dear
07:41But may I still offer you a word of advice?
07:44Uh, sure
07:46If you want to make a sale
07:48You gotta let the customer sample the merchandise
07:53Absolutely
07:54I will do him in his car tonight
07:59Leave her alone, Lily
08:00Just because you gave it away
08:01Doesn't mean she should
08:02Well, I wouldn't have
08:03If you hadn't been so damn good at the mambo
08:06Come in
08:13Okay, okay
08:14Let me explain something here
08:15Okay
08:16I, I really, really like this guy
08:19And I have put off having him meet you for six months
08:21But at this point I am running out of excuses
08:24So if you two could, I don't know
08:26Maybe imitate normal people just for today
08:29I would really appreciate it because
08:32Doug is very, very special
08:36Gotcha
08:37Damn
08:37Oh
08:38Worth the mini puke to be the best
08:41See, that's where we're different
08:42I'm not that committed
08:45Hello, Douglas
08:47Oh, hey, man
08:48Hey, this is the guy I was telling you about from work
08:50Uh, Deacon Palmer, Spence Olchen
08:52At your service
08:53Word up, Spence
08:54Uh, most people call me the Spenceinator
08:57So, Doug, uh, you nervous about meeting Cary's family?
09:00Yeah, I kind of am, you know
09:01I thought I would have met him sooner
09:02But, uh, apparently they spend a lot of time in the Orient
09:07So you guys are starting to get serious
09:08I think so
09:09I think so
09:11Olive, have you said the L word yet?
09:15Not yet
09:16It's cocked and loaded, though
09:18Today could be the day
09:19Gonna tell you lover
09:21Wow
09:22Only time I heard you use that word
09:23Was talking about pork snacks and Mookie Wilson
09:28Well, Cary's about to join that exclusive club
09:30Oh, doo-doo-doo-doo
09:32Doug and Cary
09:34Can't touch them
09:41Okay
09:41This baby is ready for action
09:44Good heavens, we've got a lot of food here
09:46I hope your dog fellow likes to eat
09:48I think we're good
09:51Oh, Arthur
09:52I told you two hours ago
09:53To clean up all these boat brochures
09:55Well, I'm sorry
09:57But I'm right on the verge of a decision
09:59Stop it, Arthur
10:00We're not buying a boat
10:01Oh, come on, Lily Darling
10:03I even have a name all picked out for her
10:05The Lily Darling
10:15Arthur, you are such a dreamer
10:19I am not
10:19All I have to do is go to the bank
10:21Get a loan
10:21And five minutes later
10:22I'm Captain Artie of the Lily Darling
10:25It is not that simple to get a loan, Arthur
10:27Boats are very expensive
10:29Oh, I see
10:30So, is this your way of rubbing the bankruptcy in my face?
10:42Why don't you go back to the street corner where I found you?
10:46I was waiting for the bus
10:48Whatever helps you sleep at night
10:53Dad, get out of the bathroom now
10:56Now
10:56She's fired
10:58He's a moron
10:59She shaves her lip
11:02His nipples don't match
11:10You're insane
11:11I heard that
11:16Crap, he's here
11:17I'll get it
11:19Don't get it
11:20I have to get it
11:22The poor schmo is standing right on the porch
11:26Hi, you must be Doug
11:28One sec, hon
11:32He's here
11:33Now get out of the freaking crapper
11:38Dad, will you just come out?
11:40Not until she apologizes
11:42Lily, just apologize
11:43You don't have to mean it
11:44Just say the words
11:48All right
11:49I'm sorry
11:51Did you hear that, Daddy?
11:52She said she's sorry
11:52That's so sweet of her
11:53Now, come on out
11:55Are we getting a boat?
11:56Just say yes
11:56The second lie is always easier
12:06Yes, we can get a boat
12:08Ah, do you hear that, Dad?
12:09You're gonna get your boat
12:11And a jet ski
12:12A jet ski?
12:14You're insane
12:16You're not gonna get anything
12:17You little pain in the ass
12:18I hope you stay in that bathroom forever
12:21Maybe I will
12:22And by the way
12:23I'm currently making a loon gesture
12:28Are you miserable old people?
12:30I can't believe you're doing this to me
12:48Carrie?
12:51Doug!
12:52It's so nice to finally meet you
12:55Come in, please
12:56Come in
12:56I can't believe you're doing this to me
12:57I can't believe you're doing this to me
12:59I can't believe you're doing this to me
13:00I can't believe you're doing this to me
13:01I can't believe you're doing this to me
13:01I can't believe you're doing this to me
13:03I can't believe you're doing this to me
13:11I can't believe you're doing this to me
13:12I can't believe you're doing this to me
13:14I can't believe you're doing this to me
13:15I can't believe you're doing this to me
13:16I can't believe you're doing this to me
13:16I can't believe you're doing this to me
13:16I can't believe you're doing this to me
13:17I can't believe you're doing this to me
13:20I can't believe you're doing this to me
13:31so yeah how are you enjoying the food dear oh it's uh it's great thanks oh thank you so much
13:38for bringing these buffalo wings they look delicious no problem uh they're from uh
13:45cooper's they're they're famous for their wings
13:49half of these are hot they're half a mild i didn't know what you guys liked
14:00i like hot i like mild hey that's that's what makes world go around huh question for you is
14:08carrie coming back at any point oh of course she is i think she's having a visit from her aunt
14:13flo
14:16so how would you like a nice warm biscuit okay yeah sure be back in the chair
14:29is the bitch gone
14:36did some someone hello is she gone uh yeah she's in the kitchen
14:44arthur spooner i'm carrie's father oh hi doug heffernan so you're with ips huh yeah ips
14:52yes yep aren't you concerned about losing your job to a machine
14:59not really no i uh see i drive to a lot of people's houses and and deliver packages to them
15:07i uh don't know really how a machine would do that that's going to happen my friend yeah they're working
15:14on it even as we speak they're ready i was never here
15:24here you go piping hot oh let me freshen up that orangina
15:33give me a drumstick
15:34thank you
15:42there you go sweetheart
15:45where's the other drumstick i don't um i think this one started out with one
15:52arthur give me back that drumstick you'll have to pry it out of my dead cold hand
15:59excuse me where's the bathroom the psycho is in it
16:03arthur duck has to go to the bathroom now get out no he can come in if he wants but
16:08i'm staying
16:08in it son what do you have number one or number two
16:20so you've been dating my daughter for quite a while now huh uh yes about uh six months now sir
16:27so pretty serious oh yes she's a she's a great girl
16:34and uh you are planning to get the weight off
16:40absolutely i'm on it
16:45problem with the plumbing son
16:48no no you know i'm just having a hard time going with you in here oh why did you say
16:54so
16:54by all means i'll give you some privacy oh well thank you
17:09so where are you from
17:13rego pork oh wonderful area you must know my friend stan
17:19runs the shoe shine joint down by the dunkin donuts uh you know what nope don't know him
17:24sure you do i'm sorry don't know mrs spooner for god's sake son stan stan
17:35shoe shoe shoe shoe shoe shoe shoe shoe shoe shoe shoe shoe shoe shoe shoe shoe shoe shoe
17:37yes oh yeah yeah yeah there you go okay you know what i'm not having any luck on this i'm
17:45just gonna go up to the mobile station on the corner they're gonna make you buy something
17:51you out duck want some pie
18:02oh sweet freedom
18:07you're here were you here the whole time no i drove down to the 7-eleven to get a
18:13pack of capris oh did you oh that's nice do you mind if i
18:18i don't smoke that's right i don't smoke
18:23why did you leave because i i didn't want to be there for the moment when you realized i come
18:29from
18:29a crazy farm you know what i would love to hear this but i gotta pee yeah okay you gotta
18:34pee you
18:35know what why don't you call me in six months when you're done peeing okay we'll have a cup of
18:38coffee what are you talking about six months i gotta pee i'm serious look if you want to just go
18:43go my my whole life's been a freak show i don't even blame you what are you doing
18:47bye i was gonna tell you i loved you today dumb ass i'm gonna park
19:02douglas oh god now i'm locked up douglas over here yeah i'm spooner listen i couldn't help but overhear
19:11your little argument uh yeah do you think it's possible that you could send carrie out she's too
19:17upset you can't talk to her when she's like this listen you seem like a good kid wait here and
19:23i'll
19:24go talk to her try to patch things up no promises but i'll see what i can do
20:01sorry son no go i tried but she didn't want to hear a word of it anyway it was a
20:08pleasure to meet
20:08you maybe someday when this blows over we'll sit on my boat and have a good laugh
20:13if you still have to pee feel free to go on the azaleas their hearts
20:29doug yes did you just say you were gonna tell me love me yes yes i did
20:38did you just pee in our bushes yes yes i did
20:45i love you i love you too
20:52where you're going carrie come back he's got no future i'm telling you the two of you will be
20:59living in my house within five years
21:04then we drop off end of story i said i love you first right after you peed whoa whoa are
21:11you even
21:12listening to your own story way before that i said i love you dumb ass no no you said i
21:18was gonna say
21:19i love you dumb ass but you didn't actually say it and by the way dumb ass kind of killed
21:24it anyway
21:25now you're punching wild you know it's the same it's not the same thing if you say you're gonna
21:29take the garbage out but you don't actually take the garbage out is the garbage out look i don't know
21:36where the garbage is look the point is the words i love you were never said until i said them
21:47well i said i want to have sex first that was all you
22:12what's that it's a new engraving and buffing machine
22:49that's a new engraving and buffing machine
22:50it's a new engraving machine
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