- 10 hours ago
DMV 2025 S01E14
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:10¡SuscrÃbete al canal!
00:30Ok, memory. Cool your jets. I'll consider a retest if you help me carry the box inside.
00:39Ok, come on. Let's go.
00:46Boop. That's it.
00:48So why are you bringing a coffee table to work anyway?
00:50Workers at the DMV get paid once a month.
00:52So the week before payday, when funds are low, we need side jobs.
00:56This month I'm assembling and delivering furniture for lazy people.
01:00Right now, it kind of feels like I'm delivering furniture for lazy people.
01:03Well, you're really, really good at it.
01:05I know.
01:06I'll catch you inside. I'm going to hit the banyo. I've got a load protruding.
01:11Full search.
01:12Oh, yeah. Hey. All right. Hey.
01:25One more pineapple and we win 25 grand.
01:28Come on, Ceci. I believe in your nails.
01:31Ah. Ah, strawberry. We lost again. Honestly, I blame this room. It's got bad juju.
01:37Yeah, we should scratch the ticket in a room at the DMV that has no juju.
01:41Oh. I can't stand sleeping on my neighbor's futon.
01:46Well, that's on you for renting out your place as your side hustle.
01:49You know, you're a pretty girl.
01:50You could be one of those girls online that eats and everyone watches.
01:54I have seen you loudly house a double bacon chi.
01:58I'll think about it.
01:59You're perfect.
02:00I'm so tired. Can one of you take the next test, please?
02:03Not unless it's at 2 p.m. and a hatchback. I got a delivery.
02:06Sorry, Collette. I'm working over here.
02:08I'll take the next one if it's at a convenient time for me.
02:11Thanks.
02:13Hey, did one of you print this and an essay about a time you overcame adversity?
02:17Yeah, that's mine.
02:18Oh. Wait, so you had a trip to Aspen ruined because the pilot for your private plane got a stomach
02:24bug?
02:24No, I'm rewriting college essays for wealthy private school kids. This one is Leland's.
02:29What's a Leland?
02:30It's a cross between a trip and a Brooks.
02:32I hate rich people with their caviar, champagne, going to the movies and buying their candy from the concession stand.
02:40Not taking it out of their cargo pocket.
02:42Oh, totally, right? Like, rich people, I just, they're the worst.
02:46Like, the worst.
02:47Yeah.
02:47Mo' money, mo' problems, you heard.
02:50Yeah.
02:50Yeah.
02:51Yeah, I heard.
02:54So, Vic, when was the last time you overcame adversity?
02:57Actually, Greg, I consider myself colorblind. I don't see adversity.
03:07Oh, okay.
03:09Did you experience a life-threatening illness recently?
03:13No.
03:14Oh.
03:15Then you will soon.
03:16Now step back and smile. Go, go. Smile.
03:18Wait, what?
03:19Good enough.
03:20I...
03:21Good luck.
03:22Next!
03:22Hey, Ceci, can you translate this text from my renters? They only speak Spanish.
03:26That's Portuguese.
03:28But they're asking for your Wi-Fi password.
03:29Oh, it's Colette is rowdy. Get it, like, router, but also.
03:34Woo!
03:35Yeah.
03:36Where's your candy?
03:37I haven't eaten yet today.
03:39Oy.
03:39There's no more Barb.
03:41Ugh.
03:41Can you just get a normal side hustle like everyone else instead of starving yourself every month?
03:45Mm-hmm.
03:45It's not just starving. It's energy conservation and deep breathing.
03:51Yes, yes, yes, we know.
03:51All part of the military preservation techniques you learned from your parents who were in the Marine.
03:56Marine's good.
03:57I knew a Marine.
03:58Hmm?
03:58Now that girl was rowdy.
04:01I'm rowdy.
04:02Listen.
04:03Mm.
04:03I can't get a second job.
04:05I am manager of the Galdang DMV, and I need to be singularly focused and alert.
04:11Oh, your shoe's on the wrong foot.
04:14Your shoe's on the wrong foot, Ceci.
04:17I'm Colette.
04:18I'm Ceci.
04:19I'd laugh, but I'm in the middle of an inhale.
04:22Barb, your lips are blue.
04:25You need a Snickers.
04:26I need help.
04:30Okay.
04:34Hey, about earlier.
04:36I hope the stuff Vic said about rich people didn't offend you.
04:40You know, you being a former rich kid and all.
04:43Oh, yeah, that.
04:44Um, hey, I'd rather not talk about it, to be honest.
04:48Oh, don't worry.
04:49I haven't told anyone that your parents are rich.
04:52You know, I still can't believe you cut them off and chose to be one of us.
04:57One of you?
04:57Really, I still feel like the new guy.
05:00No one sees you that way.
05:01Right.
05:02New guy.
05:03Plot twist.
05:04Turns out the coffee table's bigger outside the box than inside.
05:08Completely unpredictable.
05:09I don't think that coffee table's gonna fit into the Buttmobile.
05:12Oh, well, why don't you ask Noah?
05:14He can help you, right?
05:16He doesn't have his license, but he has that big van.
05:18Okay.
05:19Yeah.
05:20What do you think, surfer girl?
05:22Help me build?
05:23We transpo in your van-o?
05:25Bigger cars, bigger jobs, bigger dinero?
05:28I think...
05:30Yeah, that would be great.
05:31Ah, all right.
05:32We split everything down the middle.
05:3460-40.
05:35Yeah, come on, let's make some, dog.
05:37You're right.
05:38Yeah.
05:38Okay.
05:39Thank you.
05:40All right.
05:41Greg, you did good.
05:47You wanted to see me?
05:48Yes!
05:49You made me realize that by depriving myself, I'm depriving the DMV.
05:53It's so nice to be acknowledged, but I don't know what I'm being acknowledged for.
05:57I got a side hustle.
05:58Ooh, food delivery, dog walking, man walking, it's a fetish.
06:02I did it once.
06:03Twice.
06:04Why don't I wait and have you tell me?
06:06Self gloves!
06:08Self gloves?
06:09After having a conversation with my upstream liaison, I have become a self-glove ambassador.
06:14Oh.
06:15You see, I've made the bold choice to glove myself.
06:19Oh, they smell weird.
06:20What is this?
06:22I don't think it's real.
06:24It's funny you should say real, because our unique system of gloves provides real results,
06:28such as anti-aging, relaxation, and hip opening.
06:33That?
06:33That sounds impossible.
06:35It was, until now.
06:36There's more.
06:37Once I start recruiting ambassadors for my team, I start building a passive income stream.
06:43Oh.
06:43It helps if you think of it as a pyramid.
06:45Barb, this is a multi-level marketing scheme.
06:48They took advantage of you.
06:50No.
06:51I've taken advantage of a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.
06:54Oh, God, this is...
06:55For financial freedom!
06:57Oh, this is so bad.
06:59Don't worry.
06:59I'm gonna call.
07:00Let me get you out of this.
07:01Read the pamphlet.
07:02It's not good.
07:03I'm going to become a millionaire.
07:05Oh, my God.
07:06Oh, honey, it's working already.
07:08Uh, Mr. Davenport, I got your message about Leland's essay, and I appreciate your suggestion,
07:14but I'm not sure that nepotism is the most compelling form of adversity.
07:19You're right.
07:20What the hell?
07:22Also, I don't think that throwing like a girl is technically a disability,
07:27but I will keep working on it.
07:33Did you Uber to work?
07:34Uh, yeah, because I don't have my license.
07:36You know that.
07:37Well, how can you afford to Uber so close to payday?
08:08I...
08:10What is your credit card?
08:12Curtis.
08:12When you bought your van, you said that your bank account was wiped out.
08:16Yeah, it was, but then Curtis refilled it.
08:20Wow!
08:21Noah...
08:21Bro, no te dormir en el trabajo de dÃa uno.
08:24Tenemos un barco de baús para construir.
08:26Ok.
08:28Es un poco joky.
08:29¿Puedo dejar esto entre nosotros?
08:31Gracias, mate.
08:32SÃ.
08:35Wow, Noah es rÃgido.
08:38Eso explica los ojos.
08:42La mejor cosas en la vida son free.
08:46Pero puedes darlos a los perros y los perros.
08:49¡SuscrÃbete al dinero!
08:53¡SuscrÃbete al dinero!
08:54¡SuscrÃbete al dinero!
08:54Oh, my God, Colette, did you hear that barb fell for some multi-level pyramid scheme
08:58and is trying to sell gloves to everybody in the office?
09:00Yeah, I called and I tried to get her out of it, but turns out this one's legit.
09:05Oh, my God, I simply cannot.
09:07Do you know that feeling when winter ends and you shave your legs for the first time in three months
09:12and then you get in the clean sheets?
09:14No.
09:14No, we don't even have winter here.
09:15That's what it feels like when you put these on.
09:18And the company is super impressive.
09:20They have a dynamic business model structured around you being your own boss.
09:25Can't believe they got you too.
09:26Yeah, they got me.
09:27They got me a big opportunity to build my own business.
09:29Honestly, sad.
09:31I moved three units and already I'm a level two finger slinger
09:34on track to win a white Cadillac and a vacation in Cancun.
09:37Holiday weekends excluded.
09:38Restrictions apply.
09:39My Owella gets sucked into one of these every week.
09:41What's the cult leader's name?
09:42I'll call and get you both out of it.
09:43And does this Cadillac only come in white or could I get a custom color?
09:49Rose gold when you are talking my language.
09:53Girl.
09:54Buddy.
09:55Yeah.
09:55You're taking apart the pieces that came put together.
09:57What?
09:59It's okay if you want to do this by yourself and then you can just use my van.
10:03Hey, no way.
10:05We're partners.
10:07All right?
10:07I'll teach you.
10:08Are you sure?
10:08Because I'm so slow at this.
10:10Hey, no one's slower than me.
10:13Besides, you probably need the money even more than I do.
10:16You all right, Greggy?
10:19Uh, yeah.
10:20I'm just getting a little annoyed at the rich kid in my essay.
10:24Mmm.
10:25Mmm.
10:26Uh, your test drive is here.
10:27Oh, perfect.
10:28I'll have him go through the drive-thru and grab us some burgies.
10:30Then we can hop on this bed and start screwing.
10:33Oh, okay.
10:34Sweet.
10:36What are you doing?
10:38Anticipating my burgie.
10:39You're also walking around in poor face, acting like someone who needs money when you don't.
10:44You're like Leland in this essay, working in the kitchen at his country club in order to get inspiration for
10:50his student film.
10:51Hey, I...
10:52It's offensive.
10:53I didn't mean it like that.
10:54Well, you need to tell Vic the truth.
10:56I feel like that's a really hard conversation to have.
10:58Yeah, well, if you don't have it, I will.
11:01That would be amazing.
11:02Thank you so much, man.
11:04Oh, what a relief.
11:06Okay.
11:11I'm sorry.
11:12I noticed you from across the room.
11:13Are you an entrepreneur?
11:15Do you want to be?
11:16What if I told you that everything you need to be successful is right in the palm of your glove?
11:23The entry-level package is called Glovely Lady.
11:26Oh, my God.
11:27Since I have had such a lovely time chatting with you, if you sign up right now, I'll even give
11:31you a cuticle mask for free.
11:32Which I'm not allowed to do, so don't tell my boss.
11:35Girl, just kidding.
11:35I am my own boss.
11:36Hello?
11:37Look at this.
11:38Here.
11:39Waterman, Waterman.
11:40You won't regret this.
11:41If my lover came home with a pair of gloves like that and a new passive income, we'd be playing
11:47choose-your-own-adventure that night.
11:48You know what I mean?
11:51Have fun, kids.
11:55Oh, there you are.
11:56Listen, I wanted to talk to you.
11:58Oh, dude.
11:58Check this out.
12:00Business cards.
12:01Cool, right?
12:02Why so big?
12:04So people don't lose them.
12:05Duh.
12:05It's like a gas station bathroom key.
12:07Brilliant.
12:08Uh, listen, about Noah.
12:10Yeah, you know what?
12:11Thanks for suggesting I take him on.
12:13First, I was just using him for his van, but I really like teaching him.
12:18It's nice helping people.
12:20Yeah, it's, uh, something we don't get to do working here at the DMV.
12:23Anyways, thanks for putting the two-strap studs together, bro.
12:26Oh, but you were saying something about Noah?
12:29Um, it's nothing.
12:31What are you humming?
12:32Oh, the theme song?
12:33Oh, let me hear it.
12:34Um, it's like, do you need a stud?
12:39Maybe two.
12:41We got two-strap studs for you.
12:44That answers every question somebody would ask about two-strap studs.
12:48Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom.
12:49It's a little long.
12:50De-de-de-de-de-de.
12:51Da-da-da-da-da-da-da.
12:52Need some help from two guys.
12:54Well, we can be those guys.
12:57And if you don't need that help.
13:01I sold four pairs on my family text chain, all to my aunts.
13:04That's crazy.
13:05Should we ask for a time off now for the Self Club conference in June?
13:08Galveston is beautiful, I hear.
13:10You know that I'm 12 pairs away from getting free registration?
13:13But then I'm out while I'm on top of the pyramid.
13:16Ugh, it feels so good to finally become the woman I knew I could be.
13:21Isn't it so crazy that this is the last month we have to worry about payday?
13:25I evicted my tenants last night.
13:27We all yelled and cried, but it was so worth it to sleep in my bed again.
13:30This time next month, the DMV is going to be our side hustle.
13:33I know, it's like, should I have a baby?
13:35No.
13:35I can afford it now.
13:37Yeah, totally, that's what I thought.
13:38Hey, ladies.
13:40Hey, Barbie.
13:41Hey, Barb.
13:42So glad I got us all involved in this.
13:44We love it.
13:45Quick question on a scale from one to five rents.
13:48How weird do your hands feel?
13:50Oh, my God.
13:51Barb, oh, my God.
13:53No, nothing, not like that.
13:55I know, they're stinging bad.
13:56You must have done something weird, okay?
13:58Like, like, gardens or pet a kitten or something.
14:01That cannot be from our superior glove product.
14:04No, it can't be from me.
14:05Because if it were, that would be...
14:09I'm going to have to take your word for me because I can't actually feel my hands.
14:12I already have a foot thing, now I got a hand thing.
14:16Pull it together, you two, okay?
14:17No more negative talk.
14:19But I was certified by the state of Fleroda.
14:22This is not the self-gloved language that launches us into a new stratosphere of self-growth.
14:26Oh, my God.
14:27I'm hearing it now, too.
14:28Oh, I'm listening.
14:29I'm not behind it.
14:30Ah, Barb, it's a scam.
14:33I already booked the Glover's Lane Package to Galvestan.
14:37Get out of here, boys!
14:41Noah, I don't think we should tell Vic the truth just yet.
14:45What truth?
14:47Oh.
14:49Well, this predictably blew up in my face.
14:55The truth is, I'm the one...
14:58No, no, no, wait, hold on a second.
14:59This is mine to tell Vic.
15:01The truth is, I...
15:04Greg and I are in love.
15:06Yes.
15:06What?
15:07That's Kale-to's me 30 bucks.
15:08No.
15:09Noah is rich.
15:10I'm not rich.
15:12I just, I have a safety net.
15:13You know how some rich people think they're not rich because there's richer people?
15:18Yeah.
15:18Well, Noah has a Curtis.
15:21Is that like a Leland?
15:23My family is wealthy.
15:25Yeah.
15:26Like you've been jet skiing?
15:28Well, it's the only thing to do at our private lake.
15:30So you don't need a side hustle.
15:33Look, no, I don't need a side hustle, but I like doing this with you.
15:37But you don't need it.
15:39Just like I don't need you.
15:43Mate, no.
15:46Come on.
15:48Just got to bend a little bit first, lick it.
15:52Dang heavy card stuff.
15:58Betrayed by my muscles and my friend.
16:03Okay, Luanne, I see.
16:05I just find it a little funny that the rewards are printed in big, bold letters on the front
16:09while the warnings about skin lesions are buried in a word search on the back, hmm?
16:13I just want to know what you plan to do to right this wrong.
16:17What did you think?
16:19Oh, Luanne, you better watch where your husband goes in.
16:21You know what?
16:21Just for that, I'm not going to reverse the hex I put on your family!
16:26So like an 80% refund, or?
16:28We signed away all of our rights to even complain.
16:31I know that I got us into all this, but let's not point fingers, because we can't.
16:36I think the important thing is that no one could have seen this coming.
16:39You guys, payday is still days away.
16:41How's anyone going to take me seriously as a palm reader when these gloves literally erased my lifeline?
16:45Mine smell.
16:46I went into credit card debt for this.
16:49It's like cooking the skin.
16:50Oh, I guess I'm having willpower for dinner.
16:52Barb, it's with deep humility that I ask.
16:56Will you teach us your military preservation techniques?
17:00It would be my highest honor.
17:03First things first, you do not want to eat your hair.
17:05It will clog your drains like you cannot even imagine.
17:09Mmm.
17:10Okay.
17:13Hey Vic, I'm really sorry I lied to you.
17:16I don't care that you lied.
17:18Nobody lies more than me.
17:19I love lying.
17:20Lying's the best.
17:20We should lie more.
17:22I'm just bummed Noah's not who I thought he was.
17:25I mean, is he even British?
17:27Well, actually, he's from New...
17:29Yeah, you know what?
17:30He is still British.
17:31I feel so stupid.
17:33Oh.
17:34I thought I was teaching him.
17:35You were.
17:36And just because he's rich doesn't change that.
17:39Look, Noah has zero.
17:41He has zero survival skills.
17:42He's like Leland.
17:44Wait.
17:45That's it?
17:46He has faced adversity.
17:48His parents.
17:49They never expected anything from him.
17:51They won't even let him write his own college essay.
17:54So maybe we all have more in common than not.
17:57You think?
17:58No, but it makes a great essay.
18:00Uh.
18:01Hey.
18:03Vic, I know you might be mad at me, but I do need some help with this.
18:07Don't patronize me.
18:08You don't know how to use a hammer?
18:09No, I do.
18:10I just...
18:10I don't know how to unglue it from my hand.
18:12Like, it's like...
18:15It's stuck.
18:16Okay.
18:17Come on, rich guy.
18:19Hey.
18:20Is it okay if we go back to new guy?
18:24Undecided.
18:26Bergie's on you this time.
18:27That's fair.
18:29Gotta get a little nail polish remover.
18:31Two strap studs.
18:36Together again.
18:39The best things in life are free.
18:42But you can give them to the birds and bees.
18:45I want the money.
18:47Woo!
18:49All right.
18:50Nice blended mocha mocha chowsette.
18:51Pew, pew.
18:52Strawberry buttermilk.
18:53Extra sweet.
18:53That's me.
18:54Oh, my God.
18:55It feels so good to have cash again.
18:57I know.
18:58I bought a homeless skincare routine this morning.
19:00Can you tell?
19:01Oh.
19:02No.
19:02I bought a woman's robe because it was the first ad I saw after I got paid.
19:07Jeez.
19:07You wonder why everybody's broke at the end of the month.
19:10Well, not everyone.
19:11I still can't believe he doesn't have to work here.
19:14Yeah, he does it because he likes it.
19:16Sick bastard.
19:18So how rich do you think we're talking?
19:19Like stairs in the house?
19:21Mm, probably elevators.
19:23Whoa, like a hospital.
19:24I wonder if he's in the market for 60 pairs of defective gloves.
19:27Don't waste your time.
19:28He has to run all of his expenses by his money manager.
19:31Whose motto is, ignore the fun and trust fun.
19:34Of course we get the nice rich guy who can't spend any of his money on us.
19:39It actually all makes sense now.
19:41Like he's sheltered.
19:42He's a little naive.
19:43That's why he wasn't into me.
19:44I'm too exotic and street smart for him.
19:48Oh, yeah, all right.
19:50Okay.
19:51Yeah.
19:53Hi.
19:54Hi.
19:55You know, it makes sense why he threw away a perfectly good stapler.
19:57Yeah, he doesn't know you have to refill things.
20:00That's why he wears those ugly sandals.
20:02He probably doesn't know how to tie his own shoes.
20:04Yeah.
20:04Well, guess you're not the office dummy anymore, Greg.
20:08Collette, tell me more about these gloves.
20:11Yeah, well, walk with me.
20:12How do you feel about deep exfoliation?
20:17Congrats, man.
20:18You built bunk beds.
20:19Thanks, man.
20:20Oh, I was talking to me, but congrats to you two.
20:23You watched me build bunk beds.
20:26Yeah.
20:26Hey, I still have one question.
20:28Oh, the birds are the boys, the bees are the girls.
20:30No, what's the point in having two beds, like, stacked on top of each other?
20:34You can only sleep in one at a time, so it's like...
20:36Come on, bro.
20:37What?
20:38Sometimes people have to share a room.
20:41Oh, so it's going on a bunk.
20:43Well, I...
20:45Ah.
20:46Dibs on top bunk.
20:47Okay.
20:54I think we missed a few parts.
20:59Do you need a stud?
21:02Do you perhaps need two studs?
21:05Two strap studs.
21:07They're coming for you.
21:08You got stuff you've got to do.
21:11You need some help from two guys.
21:13Well, we can be those guys.
21:16Oh, two strap studs.
21:22I love it.
21:26You got stuff you've got stuff you've got stuff you've got stuff you've got stuff you've got stuff you've got
21:26stuff you've got stuff you've got stuff you've got stuff you've got stuff you've got stuff you've got stuff you've
21:26got stuff you've got stuff you've got stuff you've got stuff you've got stuff you've got stuff you've got stuff
21:26you've got stuff you've got stuff you've got stuff you've got stuff you've got stuff you've got stuff you've got
21:26stuff you've got stuff you've got stuff you've got stuff you've got stuff you've got stuff you've got stuff you've
21:26got stuff you've got stuff you've got stuff you've got stuff you've got stuff you've got stuff you've got stuff
21:26you've got stuff you've got stuff you've got stuff you've got stuff you've got stuff you've got stuff you've got
21:26stuff you've got stuff you've got stuff you've got stuff you've got stuff you've got stuff you've got stuff you've
21:26got stuff you've got stuff you've
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