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00:10The building's custodian is on vacation for the month and Dwight is too cheap to hire a replacement.
00:16So instead we're living in filth.
00:17But not for long because I have created the chore wheel.
00:23Oh yeah! Can I spin first?
00:25Well, it doesn't spin. We'll just move the wheel one notch each morning and you see what chore you get
00:31that day.
00:32A wheel is supposed to spin.
00:34Yeah. You know, like, gu g gu gu gu gu gu gu gu gu gu gu gu gu.
00:37I'm familiar with spinning. It's just that wouldn't work with a chore wheel because people might get the same chore.
00:42Ugh, boring. But all she talks about is chores.
00:45A wheel wants to spin, Pam.
00:49Spinning would be more fun.
00:55okay okay that's what I'm talking about big money big money yeah mug duty yes you clean all the mugs
01:08in the sink this sucks yeah seriously it's like everything on there's work I don't think you guys
01:14understand why we're doing this it's yeah I don't think that you understand wheels I've been through
01:23several rounds of development with the team and here's where we stand with the chore wheel we've
01:29got prizes ten bucks candy bar manager for an hour but there are also penalties like no internet Stanley
01:38gets your lunch the one thing that is not on the chore wheel is chores but they were right it's
01:43more
01:43fun this way the tiny wheel actually does have chores it's so cute no one seems to mind
02:28Pam we gotta go Cece go back inside grandma's got breakfast okay we are going to Roy's wedding yep
02:38Roy I think the only weird thing about going to your wife's ex-fiance's wedding on a weekday
02:43at 8 a.m. is that it's your wife's ex-fiance thanks mom a banana yeah I'm afraid he's only
02:52gonna have
02:52hot dogs oh come on not even Roy will have hot dogs at his wedding planned a wedding with him
02:56he wanted hot dogs it's so weird oh Pete you've got mail really I got something well it's addressed
03:07to customer service so it's your mail well you know I'm also customer service yeah I'm alternating
03:12yay another person yelling at me well it could be a nice letter I write nice letters to companies all
03:18the time that's really nice wow newsweek huh this election is crazy right it's open oh yeah I
03:29accidentally read it it's not a nice letter do you think she's quirky and likable in men it's a carryover
03:46get excited the special projects fairy has arrived I know you don't really exist
03:53today I launched my big charity initiative operation give back Andy has shot down all of
03:59my special projects thus far but this one is about charity so I'd like to see him piss on that
04:05one
04:11oh thank you hey coconut shrimp I told you to have it yes you did oh you have arrived sir
04:23well thank you thank you Roy and I used to work together downstairs in a warehouse he used to be
04:28engaged to Pam but then she tossed him aside like a cold-hearted bitch
04:34is what I believed back then now that I work upstairs with Pam I understand that a the heart
04:39wants what it wants and b Roy thinks dinner magically appears on the table someone has to make that
04:51is this his house I think so mimosa okay thank you would you like me to take your pill
05:00yes thank you okay who's that uh my ex-fiance I started a new business with my college friend but
05:21Pam
05:22doesn't know actually I did tell Pam and we decided no but then I decided yes anyway so I'm thinking
05:32there's another conversation coming and it's hard to know when that will be with operation give back
05:38you pick the charities Dunder Mifflin supports oh boy what's happening there's four thousand dollars to
05:46give away so who has filled out their forms Stanley American Diabetes Association um yeah you have
05:53diabetes Stanley I'm sorry is the assignment to pick a selfish charity like does Oscar get to fund
05:59some gay Mexican thing Las Feliz Maracas they do very important work for the homo Hispanic community
06:08I would uh I would love to give Heifers International listen to this they give a poor person like a
06:15goat or
06:16something it's a great prank I want to work with uh Jimmy Carter and help build gnomes Dwight what about
06:22you I will
06:23not be participating as there is no evidence that charity works uh correction I give to a foundation that teaches
06:29homeless children nautical flag signaling changes lives thank you Andy I'm not doing it for you I'm
06:36doing it for the preservation of nautical flag signaling Dwight you will be participating no thank
06:41you participation is mandatory Dwight but you can choose whatever cause you like fine I choose the
06:48Global Relief Foundation great which was recently discovered to be a front for the Taliban oh for
06:55goodness sake yeah the Taliban in Afghanistan the Taliban is the worst great heroin though making
07:06someone pick a charity by force is more un-american than any militant movement that seeks to destroy
07:10our country really really Dwight Dwight I cannot have the Taliban on the roster of operation give back well
07:18then it looks like there won't be any operation give back the nanny state is over ladies and gentlemen
07:24you're welcome well there are a lot of charities out there for your charismatic animals your pandas your polar bears
07:36you
07:36know the big shots but what about the more inconspicuous creatures like moths someday the uh moths are going to
07:46surprise us all
07:50there he is is it almost time to cut the pancake or what oh yeah we appreciate everyone coming so
07:56early it's everyone's been so nice thanks for inviting us by the way that was kidding that was a surprise
08:02come on if it wasn't for you I never would have met Laura but seriously gotta dodge the bullet on
08:07that one
08:07just kidding welcome thanks oh by the way man this place is beautiful started a gravel company I mean
08:16who knew it would take off gravel company yeah what about you what are you doing not gravel
08:23no things are good things are good got some stuff in the works so oh cool yeah you never know
08:28hey bro
08:28stop wasting time with this haircut he's got a fifty thousand dollar sports car cheers okay okay we just
08:36love Laura I couldn't imagine a better daughter-in-law it's great to see Roy so happy oh he's the
08:43happiest
08:43he's ever been how wonderful Laura's really easy to get along with and she's loyal which is what I
08:51think Roy needs nice to see you again Pam be well Duncan listen I would love to help you out
09:00but where
09:00am I gonna find somebody that's pretty smart and well-informed huh hold on hold on Aaron do you know
09:06anybody that might want oh my gosh you love the news right well it depends I mean sometimes I find
09:18out things that are really sad well I got a buddy that's a big-time local news producer and I
09:23can't
09:23tell you his name but it'd blow your mind uh is it Duncan he's looking for honor talent and he'd
09:29kill me
09:29if I didn't get you on tape you mean put me on the news you'll just come over put on
09:34a little lipstick
09:35loosen up with a glass of red wine and then we'll just run through a few stories you know a
09:39couple
09:39different ways with a couple different outfits it'd be really tasteful and it'd really help me out with
09:43Duncan with my friend what do you say uh no maybe okay let me think about it okay think it
09:53over
09:57sure the local news uh touring company of wicked lingerie football league uh Guinness book of world
10:05records for best orgasm yeah my friend Duncan is in charge of a lot of stuff no Clark's not my
10:12friend
10:12he is the douche that sits next to me at the office my friends are Scott Glenn and Rob but
10:18you don't know
10:18them I never really thought much about being more than a receptionist but why because I happened to
10:25answer a help wanted ad to be a receptionist I mean what if the ad had been for a CEO
10:30or for a brain
10:32surgeon so uh it was a year ago today that I met Laura I thought she was my waitress and
10:39uh took her
10:40three weeks to tell me that she actually owned the place you are full of surprises you are my beautiful
10:46mystery girl and today I have a surprise for you
10:52he plays piano no Roy no you know I said I was taking boxing lessons actually I was doing this
11:01um so I hope that you like it you got this Roy
11:12she's got a way about her
11:17don't know what it is but I know that I can't live without her
11:25she's got a way
11:28we still surprise each other definitely
11:34you know I never did it but for your 30th birthday I really wanted to surprise you
11:38courtside seats sixers yes but what I didn't tell you is that I actually bought the tickets
11:44we only didn't go because it was waiting in Phoenix they should really tell you that more
11:50specifically I mean every game is an away game for one of the teams do we know everything about each
11:58other no tell me one thing about you I don't know um okay
12:12now what was your charity again something about putting an antique steam engine back on the tracks
12:18nice try it was the Taliban Dwight are you entirely clear on what you are supporting
12:25Nelly are you entirely clear on what you are undermining freedom under the Taliban Sharia law
12:32drinkers are whipped thieves have a hand cut off and the punishment for losing your faith is death
12:41if they leave your family alive it's not a real punishment
12:45and the way they treat women it's bizarre oh that's a crime that's terrible yeah I feel horrible about that
12:53giving them free motorcycles wait what yes that's right under Taliban rule every woman gets a new motorcycle every two
13:03years and a free service
13:05well that's not fair tell it to the Taliban and they are first in line for the space program
13:12women can't be going it welcome to the Taliban that is real oh well played I see what you're trying
13:19to do you're trying to get me mad at the Taliban
13:21well it won't work
13:28oh here's one did I ever tell you about the time that my brother's videotaped the lottery announcement
13:33and bought the winning numbers the next day and then played the tape for me the next week
13:37and you thought you guys were millionaires
13:38you heard that one
13:39yes but there's wait oh there's a funny ending to that story I can't remember
13:45that I thought we were millionaires
13:47that's funny
13:48shoot I knew that one
13:50that's all right
13:50the senator and I still have mystery
13:53I'm always waiting to see what he's going to surprise me with next
14:04you all right
14:09you support the Taliban abroad so I assume you're willing to live by their rules here
14:15anything else would be inconsistent
14:16will you join me then in a pledge to live by Taliban law in this office
14:26absolutely I will
14:33I feared Nellie had some sort of a plan but she used a ridiculous font
14:39you don't have a plan
14:41when you use a ridiculous font no one thinks you have a plan
14:47looking for this
14:50what the
14:53oh this is a lovely pen
14:55and it's mine now because I stole it
14:58give me that
14:58didn't you sign a contract to live under Taliban law
15:02and now there's been a theft
15:03that means you're not serious
15:05or someone's getting their hand cut off
15:08you're insane
15:10I know
15:11so it's better that you pick another charity
15:13oh and let your precious operation power grab proceed unchecked
15:17no thank you
15:18in that case
15:19you
15:22will have to chop off my hand
15:29this cleaver appears to need sharpening
15:32I suggest you spend some quality time together just you and your hand tie a shoe toss a salad
15:37do any of the two and activities that you'll miss the most
15:40I tell you what I need to make three calls and then after that
15:45you can become a person who chops off people's hands
15:49sounds like a plan
15:52Clark wants to film you in different outfits inside his apartment
15:56yeah
15:57Clark you and I need to have a little chat
16:02what clothes does Aaron need for this news audition
16:09a couple of button downs
16:10a camisole
16:12a blazer
16:13a pencil skirt
16:14stilettos
16:15maybe
16:15no not maybe
16:16definitely open toed
16:19something low cut
16:20because the camera
16:20makes everything seem higher cut
16:22really
16:23yeah
16:23industry secret
16:24you're going to want
16:25some of those pantyhose with the seam up the back
16:27something necessary for an audition
16:29and then
16:29you know maybe just a robe to wear in between takes
16:32but I probably got one that she could borrow at my place
16:34so
16:34thank god someone here knows what they're talking about
16:36I want you to take this credit card
16:38take Aaron to the mall and get that stuff
16:42I absolutely will do that
16:43dating a news anchor is like my fantasy
16:46I've often wished I was a girl so I could date Anderson Cooper
16:51awesome
16:52plop
16:56guess I'll just head over to the mall then
17:00buy Aaron some sexy fun outfits
17:03maybe there are bigger things out there for me than receptionists
17:06and I owe it all to Clark
17:09who I thought at first was a little sleazy
17:11but I now realize is just
17:13one of those people who stares at your chest
17:15to know what's in your heart
17:17his words not mine
17:18uh Clark huh
17:23next question for our oldie weds
17:25what's the craziest place you ever made whoopee
17:27language
17:28who was Pam's first celebrity crush
17:30oh good
17:31Pam's first celebrity crush
17:34John Stamos
17:35ready
17:36uh-huh
17:36John Stamos
17:38John Stamos
17:40John Stamos was temporary
17:40I quickly moved on to Johnny Depp
17:42Johnny Depp
17:46I was having a separate conversation with Kevin
17:54uh Johnny Depp
17:56totally
17:56George Clooney
17:59okay I have one
18:00I have one
18:01what is the craziest place you ever made whoopee
18:04Kevin stop it with that question
18:07right
18:09and did you show them the market yet
18:11and what'd they say
18:14that's awesome
18:16that
18:17oh my god
18:18wow
18:18it's not even real yet
18:20and I'm not gonna tell her until it's real
18:24I think maybe there actually is something I don't know about Jim
18:32go ahead
18:34everyone
18:34we have a voluntary meeting in the conference room to discuss Aaron's confidence
18:39her body
18:40we're gonna talk about her body
18:41good
18:41great job
18:42Andy made me his conciliary
18:43which means assistant regional manager
18:45I guess he thought I'd be into the godfather because I'm black
18:50wrong
18:52I'm into the godfather because I'm a cinephile
18:55I like Scarface because I'm black
18:57Aaron has an audition to be a newscaster
19:00wow
19:01yeah
19:02woo
19:02uh huh
19:03congratulations
19:04yeah
19:04and I want her to feel very comfortable in her very sexy skin
19:09so everybody say something that you like about her body
19:13alright I'll go first
19:14Daryl
19:15I thought you were gonna go first
19:16I just went first by calling on you
19:18okay
19:19um
19:20I like Aaron's hair
19:22it was a very pretty color
19:23yeah right
19:24nice shoulders
19:25incredible posture
19:26look at these hips
19:28who likes these hips
19:29raise your hand
19:30I'm sorry
19:31this is for a news audition
19:32yeah
19:33why are we talking about her looks
19:35why not
19:36her credibility
19:37or her reliability
19:38they don't exist anymore Oscar
19:40not since Mary Hart left entertainment tonight
19:43news flash everyone
19:44the human race
19:46finds attractive people more trustworthy
19:48so sorry Andy
19:48but for 20 years
19:49the most trusted man in America
19:50Walter Cronkite
19:52Cronkite was hot
19:53if I could go back in time
19:54I'd take that mustache red
19:55does Aaron have any experience
19:57has she taken any journalism classes maybe
19:59or
20:00has she done the pageant circuit
20:01no I watched the news
20:02she's gonna be amazing
20:04look at her
20:05she's gonna light up the screen
20:06does she even want to do it
20:07of course she wants to do it
20:08she answers phones
20:09well that's not fair Angela
20:11some people don't aspire for anything higher
20:13and that's just fine forever
20:14that's true
20:14hey
20:15hey
20:16over here
20:17yes
20:18I want to do it
20:19I really want to do it
20:21I know that you guys have probably been offered
20:23news anchor jobs
20:24every week of your lives
20:25but
20:25this is a first for me
20:27and I don't get a lot of chances
20:28so I have to take them really seriously
20:31I will do whatever it takes to get the job
20:34whatever it takes
20:47but I'm really bad at public speaking
20:49don't think of it as public speaking
20:51think of it as music
20:53the news is music
20:54you sing it
21:03good good good good good good
21:06okay now pause and bring it home
21:08big finish
21:11wow
21:14thank you for that news
21:16that was some very important information
21:18you just told me
21:22you're welcome
21:27this is it
21:28want to give your hand
21:29one last round of applause
21:32any questions
21:33is it going to be low?
21:35no
21:35it's going to be
21:36over before you know it
21:41Afghan President Hamid Karzai
21:43declared a new policy
21:45of dollar days
21:46throughout the country
21:46promising low
21:48low prices
21:49on all 2012
21:50Kia Sentras
21:51and Sonatas
21:52aren't you glad you waited?
21:54Karzai commented
21:55um
21:55where did you get that story?
21:58a little bit here
21:59a little bit there
22:00I bet you didn't think
22:01I knew current events
22:02I love it
22:04it's fantastic
22:05now tag it with your name
22:07for channel 11 news
22:09I'm Erin Hannon
22:10pause after news
22:12for channel 11 news
22:14I'm Erin Hannon
22:15no pause longer
22:16that was a good one
22:18pause pause longer
22:19okay build suspense
22:20don't be shy
22:21got it
22:24for channel 11 news
22:36I'm Erin Hannon
22:37okay all right
22:38great
22:40some great stuff in there
22:42so she's coming over
22:43at 11 because I told her
22:45it's for the 11 o'clock news
22:46I mean you think I can
22:47get her in the shower
22:48for reporting in the rain
22:52oh come on
22:53I'm kidding
22:54I don't know
22:57I don't know
22:57I feel like you would
22:58also say you're kidding
22:59when you're most not kidding
23:01yeah
23:02sometimes I don't know
23:03myself
23:04right
23:07I can feel you
23:08looking at me
23:09okay
23:10well here's something
23:11you don't know
23:13a couple of weeks ago
23:15I ran into this guy
23:16from my high school
23:18who has just gotten
23:19divorced
23:20and he hit on me
23:21in the mall
23:22and I didn't tell you
23:23because
23:24I don't know
23:25I felt embarrassed
23:26and I didn't know
23:27if you'd be mad
23:28or worried
23:29but anyway
23:29I thought you'd want to know
23:33that didn't happen
23:35you would have told me
23:36right away
23:36yeah I would have
23:38what about you
23:39come on
23:40there's got to be
23:41something
23:42between your birth
23:43and the last two days
23:45something you just
23:46haven't had the chance
23:46to tell me
23:47uh
23:51just tell me
23:55God give it up
23:56Beasley
23:56you know me too well
24:17hey
24:20you okay?
24:23Yeah, I'm fine. Good.
24:26Yeah?
24:27Oh, it's nothing. I just...allergies.
24:33Pam has allergies.
24:37That's something I did not know about her.
24:42Hey, um, I knew something bothered me,
24:45and I finally figured it out.
24:47What news producers are gonna want to see
24:49is how Aaron relates to the other people on the news team.
24:51Oh.
24:52The weird thing is Aaron is doing the audition alone.
24:55Oh, God.
24:56Now, I'd say Clark could be your co-host.
24:59He's already doing camera.
25:01Someone who's already got rapport with Aaron, maybe.
25:04I don't know.
25:08This is for real this time.
25:11It's getting late.
25:13I thought you guys could use a little inspiration.
25:17Oh, a movie.
25:19What is this?
25:20127 hours.
25:21It's about this guy who was extreme.
25:23No spoilers.
25:23Please.
25:24My bad.
25:25Good night.
25:27Good night.
25:29For the record, I like knowing everything about you.
25:32It's nice.
25:33Totally agree.
25:34We know each other inside and out.
25:36No surprises.
25:49We got the funding.
25:51So, now it's real.
25:59Hey.
26:01Hey.
26:02Everybody.
26:03Yeah.
26:04Come in.
26:05All right.
26:06Come on in.
26:07Nice.
26:08What are you doing here?
26:10Sorry, man.
26:11Eddie thought Aaron needed a co-anchor.
26:13I'm his makeup guy.
26:15My hands are tied.
26:17The victim was released from the hospital with second degree burns.
26:21Wow.
26:22You know what they say, Aaron.
26:23If you can't take the heat, get out of the kitchen.
26:28Well, he tried to, but the fire door was blocked.
26:30He sure did.
26:31All right.
26:32We got that.
26:32That's a wrap, everybody.
26:33You sure, Clark?
26:35Yep.
26:35She's done.
26:36No, I just, I don't mean for Aaron.
26:38I mean for me.
26:39I didn't feel good about that.
26:41No, no.
26:42We got it.
26:42We got it.
26:43Great.
26:44Let's get some food.
26:45I'm starving.
26:45I don't think we did get it.
26:47I could do a couple more takes.
26:49We could do it in close-up.
26:50That might even be better for editing.
26:53Okay, I don't.
26:55All right.
26:57I'm hungry.
26:58Uh, Pete, you want to take Aaron to get a burger or something?
27:02Yeah, whatever you say, Moss.
27:03Okay.
27:04Cool.
27:04I'll call you later.
27:05Okay.
27:07So this is a single.
27:09Hey, even if this doesn't work out for me, I'm just glad I had the guts to do it.
27:14And maybe it'll work out for Randy.
27:23Oh, God.
27:23That is absolutely revolting.
27:26Yeah.
27:26He is so good, though.
27:28Yes.
27:29The way he just cuts off his arm.
27:31If you like James Franco, we really should watch Rise of the Planet of the Apes.
27:34Well, he's genius, you know.
27:36He was in graduate programs at Yale, Columbia, and NYU all at the same time.
27:40Whoop-de-doo.
27:41That doesn't make you a genius.
27:42Well, it doesn't make you stupid.
27:44Well, yeah, it does actually makes you real stupid.
27:46Oh, stupid like you.
27:47No, like you.
27:48Like you.
27:48You're the stupid one.
27:49You're the stupid one.
27:51You.
27:51You.
27:52You.
27:52You.
27:52You.
27:53You.
27:53You.
27:53You.
28:06You.
28:09You.
28:10You.
28:12You.
28:21You.
28:25You.
28:28You.
28:28You.
28:32You.
28:32You.
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