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The King of Queens S03E05 CtrlHD
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00:14wow these chef ming people really know their way around a walk they should change the name of this
00:18dish to egg foo yum they were on their game tonight i'm telling you you should have tried
00:24the poo poo platter i'm sorry the what platter
00:33how do you think that's funny and still hold down a job
00:38i'm complicated
00:41man i would love some dessert i gotta have something sweet yeah me too
00:47all we got are these fortune cookies boy the chinese really dropped the ball when it came
00:51to the desserts huh i know it's like what you can't uh jam a fortune into a piece of fudge
00:56cake
00:59oh you know what i could totally go for right now that new frozen fudge blast from quickie burger
01:06what are you doing my baby wants a frozen fudge blast my baby's getting a frozen fudge blast
01:12no no no forget it it's 10 o'clock already and you're in your bad underwear
01:20that's all right i'll just hit the drive-thru is it inconvenient sure but being married means
01:25sometimes doing things that you don't want to do i hope you'll keep that in mind during our no-no
01:30time
01:37later
01:39fudge
01:40Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh
01:44Butch
01:47Welcome to Quickie Burger. May I take your order?
01:50Yeah, two frozen fudge blasts
01:51Will that be all?
01:53Yeah, I think that'll, uh
01:55Yeah, who we kidding? Throw in a number four
01:58Anything else?
02:00Uh, does the number four have quickie curlies?
02:03No, the number three does
02:04All right, then I'll take a number three
02:06So cancel the four and substitute a three
02:10When did you hear the word cancel?
02:13Give me both.
02:14May I bucket size you for an extra 70 cents?
02:17My man, I like the cut of your jib.
02:23Yes, bucket size me.
02:26That's 1244. Pull to the front window.
02:28Gotcha.
02:35Okay, I'm not starting. Come on, don't do this now. Don't do this.
02:40You're doing this. You're doing this. You son of a mother.
02:52Sir, you're going to have to pull forward now.
02:54Yeah, I just got a little problem here, okay? One sec.
02:57Hey, Foxy, nice legs.
03:02Okay, first things first.
03:03The front of the engine gets very hot.
03:07Sir, please pull your car forward.
03:09Yeah, okay, guy. You just got to give me a second.
03:11You're holding on my line, and I'm going to need you to please pull your car forward.
03:14Okay, I know that, and I'm going to need you to stop saying that, okay?
03:17Now shut it.
03:20You shut it.
03:23What?
03:24Please pull your car forward.
03:26You know what? Do me a favor. Say it one more time. I dare you.
03:30Yeah, I didn't think so.
03:32Please pull your car forward.
03:33You know what? That's it.
03:34Huh? You don't like it.
03:36How about that?
03:39That's all you got, lady?
03:40No, I got a lot more.
03:41Ooh, that felt good.
03:42Oh, yeah?
03:43Did it better just land on me?
03:45Yeah.
03:46Please play a car forward.
03:47Please play a car forward.
03:51Shut up.
03:51My eyes are getting weary My back is getting tight
03:58I'm sitting here in traffic On the Queensborough Bridge tonight
04:02But I don't care, because all I want to do
04:08Is cash my check and drive right home to you
04:13Because maybe all my life I will be driving home to you
04:36Unbelievable
04:38Here you are. What happened? I was worried
04:40What happened? Our piece of crap car broke down
04:43Right in the middle of the grapity grapity grap grap thing
04:47I had to call Spence. Come pick me up
04:49Hey, Carrie
04:50You look good
04:54Are you okay?
04:55Yeah, I'm fine
04:55Just that our desserts are totally melting
04:57Might as well just throw them out
04:58Yeah, well, don't throw them out
05:01You never realized how damn smooth your legs are
05:05Okay, Norman, time to calm down
05:07I swear
05:07I'm through with that car
05:09Let's just get rid of it and get a new one
05:10Doug, come on
05:11We've been through this before
05:12We cannot get a new car right now
05:15Besides, you can't just sell the old car
05:17It's got too much of our lives in it
05:19I mean, going to Palisades Park
05:21Getting chased by bikers
05:22And, uh, I watched you make out with Sue Mazetzky in that car
05:28Where were you?
05:33The point is, you can't just dump a big piece of our history
05:36I'll buy the car before I let that happen
05:38Spence, forget it
05:39Nobody's buying anything because we are not getting rid of it
05:41Why not?
05:42Because, Doug, your union is in the middle of contract negotiations
05:46So?
05:47So?
05:47You don't know how it's going to come out
05:48We cannot afford it right now
05:52I guess
05:53Listen, we've waited this long
05:55We'll just tape the old car back together
05:57It'll be good as new
05:59And just in case, let's drive with some pants on for a while, okay?
06:03Okay
06:04All right
06:06Well, my work is done
06:07I'm out of here
06:08All right
06:09Well, thanks, Spence
06:09Yeah, thanks again, man
06:10Oh, hey, don't worry about it
06:12You're my butt
06:15So, what do you say
06:16We take those desserts up to the bedroom
06:18And make a little mess?
06:19I don't need desserts to make a mess in the bedroom
06:23Well, come on, you big slob
06:25Oh, you so nasty
06:26Yeah
06:31Spence, go home
06:33All right, take care
06:38If a great car's what you want
06:41Then look no more
06:42Just have a beer
06:43Cause we're all parked right here
06:44In our auto store
06:45I see them here
06:46And we're slashing all our prices to the bone
06:49Yeah, we said bone
06:52So get your wife or hubby on the phone
06:55Hope they're alone
06:56And if you're ready to step up
06:59To a new car, van, or truck
07:02Then you'll love Octoberpalooza
07:06Where a good deal's what we'll do's ya
07:13Hey, guy
07:13Got a few boxes of brochures for ya
07:15Oh, finally
07:16Just got a sign right here
07:19What you got, some kind of sale going on?
07:23Actually, it's an Octoberpalooza
07:25Oh, palooza
07:27What's with, uh, that dealie?
07:29Uh, when anybody buys a truck
07:30It's 30 seconds to grab as many dollar bills as they can
07:33Man, that could not look more humiliating
07:36And I'm a grown man who has to wear shorts for a living
07:43Wow
07:43Now that is a ride
07:45Uh-huh
07:47Car of the year
07:48Looks great in silver, too
07:49Yeah
07:50Eight cylinders
07:51240 horses
07:5216-inch wheels
07:53And a winch
07:56You do a lot of towing, Doug?
07:59I can't
08:00Not with the car we have
08:01Although there are a lot of things I wish I could tow
08:05Well, you in the market for a new car?
08:06Well, sort of
08:07But my wife thinks we should wait a few weeks
08:09We're not quite ready yet
08:10Yeah, well, wifey knows best
08:12You gotta be ready
08:13Better to pay a little more
08:14Have your peace of mind
08:16What, it's gonna cost more in a few weeks?
08:18Well, it's not a Novemberpalooza
08:20Am I right?
08:21Okay
08:22What?
08:25How much more?
08:26Well, it's hard to say
08:27Maybe a couple Gs
08:28That's if we still have it
08:30This is the last all-silver 4x4
08:32With the towing package and roof rack
08:33On the whole East Coast
08:35Last one, huh?
08:37I don't think it's gonna last long
08:38I hear Danny Aiello's people
08:40They're heading down right now
08:41To take a look at it
08:42Danny Aiello?
08:43Oh
08:46Look, I just got an update from the union
08:48And as your shop steward
08:50I've been asked to make the following announcements
08:52As of 4.18pm
08:54Negotiations officially broke down
08:56With no new talks scheduled
08:59Anybody seen Heffernan?
09:02Hey, is a new crush bell included or what?
09:07They said no to the vesting proposal
09:09No to the overtime proposal
09:12Yes to the fog lights
09:13Yes to the mountain package
09:16And they refused to sign off
09:18On any expanded medical benefits
09:25Tighten your belt, people
09:26As of the end of work today
09:28We're on strike
09:29The bloom from my wild Irish rose
09:34My dear and rose
09:52Okay, I heard everything you said
09:55As have the neighbors
09:59Now let me respond
10:01Given the strike
10:02This was clearly not the best day
10:04For us to buy a new car
10:06Now I know the word us
10:07Is a hot button issue right now
10:10I should have kept you in the loop
10:11And yes, my genitals
10:13Should be put in some sort of vice
10:16But that aside
10:17This is a blessing in disguise
10:19Look, we needed a new car
10:20Got one
10:21P.S. Leased under very favorable
10:24Palooza conditions
10:27Now in closing
10:29I love you
10:30I am now available to make love to you
10:33And it is my great hope
10:36That you will join me
10:38We're returning the car
10:40Really?
10:41Why would you want to do that?
10:41Did you show her the roof rack, Doug?
10:43Yeah, she pushed my head into it
10:46Look, it's nothing against the truck
10:48The truck is gorgeous
10:49I mean, it's, uh
10:50What do you guys say?
10:51Cherry?
10:52Because it is
10:53Cherry
10:54You know what else it is?
10:55It's mint
10:56Hey, mint cherry
10:57Let's go for some ice cream
11:00But seriously
11:01Marty
11:03Unfortunately, my husband's union
11:06Went on strike today
11:07So we're gonna have to return it
11:09Because the payments are a bit too much for us right now
11:11Got the receipt right here
11:13So is there a cashier's window I go to
11:15Bursar's office, what?
11:17I, you know
11:17I don't want to be the bad guy here
11:19But I'm sorry
11:20I couldn't possibly take the car back now
11:22Once those tires hit the pavement
11:23It appreciates big time
11:25Is, uh
11:26Danny Aiello still interested or
11:28Mmm, no
11:31Oh, come on
11:32Come on
11:32Be reasonable here
11:34I mean, it's only got 18 miles on it
11:35That's what?
11:36A couple of test drives
11:37And I only used the winch twice
11:39Okay
11:39Look, I tell you what
11:42I can't take the car back
11:43Come back tomorrow
11:44I'll put you in the dollar booth
11:45I'll cheat the timer
11:46Give you a few extra seconds, huh?
11:48And here's a tip
11:49Lick your arms
11:50The bills will stick to you better that way
11:52Okay, he's not getting in that booth, okay?
11:54He's afraid of small spaces
11:56I can't even use the bathroom on an airplane
11:58That's why we can't go to Hawaii
11:59Okay
12:01Sweetie
12:02Why don't you let me talk to this nice man alone?
12:04Okay
12:04All right, baby
12:06Listen, I'm gonna, um
12:08Leave my cards on the table here
12:10My husband was in an industrial accident
12:15Luckily, he doesn't remember it
12:17But bottom line is
12:19I don't think he's even legally allowed to buy a car anymore
12:25You know, he only, uh, could count to eight
12:30Good luck with that
12:34Hey, you know what?
12:35You are way overreacting to this situation
12:37How am I overreacting?
12:39Okay, first of all
12:39I didn't even buy the car, okay?
12:41I-I only leased it
12:42It's the same thing
12:43No, it isn't
12:44It is?
12:45No, it isn't
12:45Okay, all right
12:46Tell me the difference
12:48Okay, well
12:48When one buys a car
12:51Per se
12:53If you will
12:56One owns it
12:57Whereas when one leases a car
12:59One owns it
13:00But
13:01You gotta give it back
13:03Give me a favor
13:07Count to nine
13:10This whole conversation is pointless
13:11Because the strike's gonna end in a week
13:13Two weeks tops
13:13How do you know that, Doug?
13:15Because I'm in the union
13:18Okay, union man
13:20What are the issues?
13:21Do you even know what they are?
13:22Yes
13:22Okay, name one issue
13:25Vesting
13:26Vesting is a huge issue
13:28You should see all the people
13:29They're like, hey
13:29What is with this vesting?
13:33Vesting meaning what?
13:35Vesting
13:35To vest
13:37To be vested
13:38I don't know how much clearer I can make this
13:40I really don't
13:42The point is
13:43It's very important
13:44And the company is gonna eventually cave in on it
13:46Doug, how do you know they're gonna cave, huh?
13:48What if this thing drags on for a month?
13:51Two months
13:51It can't drag on
13:52You've seen our commercial
13:53IPS delivers the globe
13:54Who else is gonna deliver the globe if we don't, huh?
13:57FedEx?
14:00Tight operation
14:01Yes, it is
14:03Look, Gary
14:04The strike is gonna end, okay?
14:06And we're gonna be fine in the meantime
14:08Spence is gonna buy the old car
14:09That's $200 right there
14:11You can pick up some overtime
14:13And I can do stuff around the house
14:16Save some money there
14:17I guess
14:18Come on, don't be mad at me
14:22Uh-oh
14:24Uh-oh
14:25Did you leave the puppy gate open?
14:28Don't
14:28No, I think you left the puppy gate open
14:31Doug, don't do the puppy thing
14:34The puppy's coming
14:35You cannot stop him
14:36No, just stop
14:37Get off of me
14:40Stop it
14:41Oh, oh, the puppy likes you
14:42Oh, yeah
14:42Rub his belly
14:43Rub his belly
14:44Rub his belly
14:46Oh, yeah
14:47Oh, yeah
14:49Oh, that's the sky
14:50Yeah
14:51Okay, now if she stalls out
14:53Don't panic
14:54Just throw it back into neutral
14:55Step on the gas
14:56Pop her into first
14:57She'll lurch pretty violently
14:59But you're back in business
15:01Gotcha
15:01Now once in a rare while
15:03Instead of stalling
15:04The damn thing
15:05It'll take off
15:05Like a frickin' rocket
15:08Okay, just pop it back into neutral
15:10Blast the heat
15:11And pull up the emergency brake
15:13It's as good as done
15:14And the odor you know about
15:16So that should just about do it
15:17Uh, wow
15:18I can't believe she's actually mine
15:20Are you sure you want to do this?
15:22Absolutely
15:22Okay
15:23Oh, hey, hey, hey
15:24I got a bumper sticker
15:27Just give me my coffee
15:29And no one gets hurt
15:32I don't get it
15:33You want other drivers
15:35To give you coffee?
15:37You're overthinking it
15:38It's just funny
15:42Oh, coffee, coffee
15:43Yeah, all right
15:45Hey, I'll call you later, buddy
15:47All right, buddy
16:02Hey, there she is
16:04Overtime girl
16:05Miss time and a half
16:07How was your day?
16:09Jam-packed with the usual misery
16:11Only now it lasts 11 hours
16:13Instead of eight
16:15Great
16:17So you're ironing, huh?
16:19That I am
16:20Just thought I'd save us
16:21A little money
16:21On our dry cleaning bill
16:22Plus, bonus
16:23I get to fondle your delicates
16:26So is this the done pile
16:27Or the not done pile?
16:34Huh
16:34Oy
16:36It's so hot from the subway
16:38I'm just gonna
16:38Go take a cool shower
16:41Uh-oh
16:42Doug!
16:45What is going on here?
16:47Well, you know how you said
16:48You wanted to rip out
16:49The old shower tile?
16:51Yeah, I did
16:53Only in my plan
16:54I would have replaced it
16:55With new tile
16:58I intend to
16:59They just didn't have
16:59The right color in stock
17:00And you couldn't have
17:01Checked that
17:02Before you ripped this out?
17:04I could have
17:04But in my defense
17:05I didn't
17:10Come on, Karen
17:11I'm just trying to
17:11Save us some money here
17:12I'll get it done tomorrow
17:14Okay
17:14In the meanwhile
17:15I'll walk around
17:16Smelling like the F train
17:17Well, hey
17:18How about this?
17:19You go downstairs
17:20I'll wash you in the sink
17:20Like a little baby
17:23Well, better yet
17:23Throw in a white t-shirt
17:24I'll blast you with the hose
17:25Huh?
17:25Shh
17:26Always a crowd pleaser
17:29No, thanks
17:30I'm just gonna go
17:30Watch some TV
17:34Uh-oh
17:36Doug, why is HBO
17:37All squiggly?
17:38I canceled it
17:40You canceled HBO?
17:41Yes, I did
17:42That's 12 bucks more
17:43A month in our pocketbook
17:45Well, why didn't you
17:46Cancel your stupid
17:47Gold sports package?
17:48I couldn't
17:48It came out of free t-shirt
17:49I don't even know
17:50How that would work
17:52What if it seemed like
17:53You're the one
17:53Who bought the truck
17:54And I'm the only one
17:55Suffering?
17:55What do you mean
17:56The only one?
17:57I lost Arliss
17:57You don't think that stings?
17:59I don't know how many times
18:00I can say it, Carrie
18:01I'm sorry
18:01I got us in over our heads
18:03But you know what?
18:03Yelling at me
18:04Is not gonna help
18:04Well, that's all I have
18:07Try to remember
18:07This isn't easy on me either, right?
18:09I had no job
18:10I'm on that damn picket line
18:12I'm on that damn picket line
18:12Six hours a day
18:13In the blazing sun
18:14And you know what?
18:15Every day I die
18:16A little bit more inside
18:18All right, if you want double cheese
18:20Now's the time to say it
18:22My man, you are a genius on the grill
18:25Oh, you are too kind
18:27You up for a little frisbee?
18:29Hey, if you throw it at me
18:30What, I'm not gonna catch it?
18:32You like frisbee
18:33You kill her on the grill
18:35If Kelly ever goes down
18:36I just might have to make you my woman
18:38I liked it very much
18:43Oh, thank God you're here
18:46Hey
18:46What's up, man?
18:47The car broke down on Austin Street
18:49I don't remember what you said
18:51What do I do when the steering wheel
18:53Only turns to the right?
18:54Oh, you know what?
18:55It sounds like you're losing
18:56Power steering fluid
18:57All right, here's what you gotta do
18:59Get power steering fluid
19:02Okay, gotcha
19:04Oh, uh
19:06Doug
19:06Did you catch my check yet?
19:08Yeah
19:09All righty
19:14Doug?
19:16Hey, what are you doing here?
19:17I thought I'd pick you up on my way home
19:19What's going on here?
19:21Nothing, we're just, you know
19:23Ticketing
19:27Doug, honey, baby
19:28I'm gonna level with you here
19:30I came by because I kind of felt bad about yesterday
19:35And I wanted to support you
19:36Oh, thank you
19:37Yeah, let me finish
19:40And now I just want to lash out and hurt you
19:44Come on, I have to be down here picketing
19:46It's a union rule
19:47All this other crap is just a way to get our minds off this thing that's hanging over us
19:52I mean, believe me, everybody else here is pretty freaked
19:57Yeah, you see that?
19:58I skipped that sucker
19:59I'm going pro
20:00He's so in denial
20:04What'd you do that for?
20:05Because you're tan and barbecuing with all your friends while I'm stuck in an office for 12 hours
20:11With a weird copy guy who keeps wanting to show me his poems
20:16Honey, what do you want from me?
20:18I have to be down here, I told you
20:21What is going to make you feel better about this?
20:23Just tell me and I'll do it
20:31You gotta lick your arms, baby
20:46So I guess I just got crazy and I'm
20:49I'm sorry
20:51Okay?
20:54Come on, talk to me
20:58I just don't like being hit
20:59I know, I know
21:00That was so wrong of me
21:01And I'll never do it again
21:04What did you tell people?
21:06I said a cop act into me
21:08But I don't think they believed it
21:09Sure they did
21:10No, they did
21:12Come on, I'm sorry
21:14So will you take my order now?
21:16No
21:18Come on
21:19You know you want to
21:24Welcome to Quickie Burger
21:25May I take your order?
21:28That's my baby
22:22Welcome to Quickie Burger
22:35Welcome to Quickie Travel
22:35Come on
22:35Luego
22:35Come on
22:35Quickie
22:36I'm sorry
22:36Here
22:36I'm
22:36Yes
22:55Currently
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