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The King of Queens S03E22 CtrlHD
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00:05whoo dog head hell of a storm pretty nasty out there you want to do something nasty in here
00:16i'm reading you won't even know i'm there
00:22oh man the lights went out huh what are you talking about it's brightest day
00:29you're blind sweet mother of mercy you're blind look at the flashlight go ahead go get it
00:35where is it it's in the top drawer of the bureau
00:43okay what's taking you so long excuse me i am looking for it
00:49put my underwear down
00:54all right i got it i got it
00:57oh man the batteries are dead all right there's a candle right there oh wait a second what scent
01:04is it it's baloney okay could you just light it oh wow there's only one match left it's like the
01:11miracle of hanukkah
01:15hey check this out spooky face
01:21my eyes are getting weary my back is getting tight i'm sitting here in traffic on the queensburg bridge
01:31tonight but i don't care cause all i want to do
01:37is catch my check and drive right home to you
01:42cause baby all my life i will be driving home to
02:00you
02:04wow that hurricane mindy wasn't kidding around huh oh look at that branch it went right through that
02:11windshield cool
02:16it's so hot out here it's like 150 degrees it's so quiet hey do you think we're the last two
02:22people
02:22left on earth yes doug that's very likely hot
02:31got the saxkies what they're in our backyard what are they doing on our side
02:35oh my god the fence is down it's all over the yard oh man now they're just roaming free
02:41oh we gotta get them back on their side every time those people come near us they take a little
02:45piece of our soul
02:53hello freakos you couldn't be more annoying
02:58okay let's make this quick
03:03carrie doug what a storm thank god you guys are okay
03:07hey there's the guy
03:16wow what a mess yeah but it's just stuff you know i mean the most important thing is that nobody
03:21was
03:21hurt you know what we can get our area yeah yeah you know what i i love to rake yeah
03:25yes and
03:26i oh do you guys have a fence person because i can get the yellow pages right now uh honey
03:30get the
03:31pages actually you know wait a second it's one minute here okay what you doing i don't know get the
03:38pages
03:40kids i just realized something separately our yards were just two sad little veal cages but
03:48if we kept this fence down we're looking at a dad bland compound here
03:55you know what a compound that's a wonderful idea hey we could call it saccharine oh you know for
04:03saksky and heffernan or or or hefsky you know either way there's no ego here
04:11um you know what we're not um we're not really compound people yeah yeah i don't even use compound
04:17w i get a wart i live with it you're terrible let me draw a sketch for you you'll see
04:24what i'm
04:24talking about um guys uh uh do you have a grease pencil and some graph paper i'm sorry oh this
04:30will
04:30do here we go okay let me just rough out a ground plan for a saccharine i'm sorry hefsky great
04:39great
04:41badminton court maybe a gazebo here right there i think the gazebo should go in the center dorothy i
04:50used to landscape okay you know what could go right here doug a koi pond uh you like oversized goldfish
04:56a little scared of them it's gone you're the boss oh don't forget a double swing so me and carrie
05:02can
05:02sit out at night and dish okay you know what this is a lot lot to chew on you know
05:08but it all sounds
05:08very interesting let us um let us go over it oh okay okay now nothing is written in stone here
05:15so
05:15feel free to make your own changes just use a different color pen oh my god how'd you get this
05:38up so fast well when you want something bad enough you make it happen did you uh talk to the
05:44saxkies about this no carrie we told them we'd think about this whole backyard compound thing yeah
05:50well we also told your cousin tina that her baby was cute it's called lying i know we're lying that's
05:56not the point you have to ease into these things i mean we have to live right next door to
05:59these people
06:00we should have at least waited a few days to give them the illusion we don't eat them they needed
06:04to be
06:05stopped i mean they'd probably have a gazebo guy coming over right now tim get out here they put a
06:11new fence up what they didn't waste any time did they oh i'm sure they have an explanation
06:19i can oh my god tim you scared me so what do you think you like so i guess this
06:29is a no on the whole
06:30combined yard thing huh oh my god you know what i forgot all about that forgot we presented the idea
06:38to you not eight hours ago yeah well you know what the next time the fence goes down for sure
06:44when that's gonna happen you seem to have sunk her in cement this time whoa a fence where the
06:50hell did this come from this one sure works quick huh yeah ask them why they did this do i
06:56have to
06:57spell it out for you dorothy they don't like us no it's that we we we really value our privacy
07:04you know
07:04what we're loners we are that's true that's true either one of us could have been a serial killer
07:08easily but you know you make choices you know you're not doing anyone any favors by soft soaping this so
07:14please just tell us what we did to offend you nothing it's it's just that we don't we don't want
07:19to share a yard with you i'm sorry we just happen to feel that normal people don't turn their houses
07:26into a compound oh so now we're not normal we're not normal what is normal i mean really as far
07:33as
07:33i'm concerned what passes for normal these days is pretty damn crazy so after all these years of
07:40friendship it's really nice to know where you stand oh friendship come on we're not friends
07:44we're neighbors okay and just because we happen to live next door to each other does not mean we
07:50have to like each other i mean come on honestly do you really like us that much
07:58no no if you'll excuse me tim it's not even i said excuse me
08:05you see problems
08:24hey neighbor
08:39Sam, can I get yourself a pool there?
08:43Oh, bye, Knallie.
08:45I do.
08:57Hey, Care.
09:07What the?
09:08I'll tell you what the.
09:08A pool and a deck.
09:10Yeah.
09:12How'd they do that so fast?
09:14They probably got your fence guy.
09:15He's quite the handy-andy.
09:18I can't believe this.
09:20Oh, you believe it.
09:21You threw up a fence, which was a big screw you,
09:22and they said, we'll see your fence and we'll raise you a pool.
09:27And bonus, we now know Tim's a speedo man.
09:32This has to go.
09:33I mean, this makes our fence moot.
09:35Oh, it's moot, all right.
09:35And you know what else is moot?
09:36Our privacy.
09:37Yeah, bye-bye, privacy.
09:38You're moot now.
09:40All right, stop saying moot,
09:41because I don't think you're 100% sure what it means.
09:49You can't do this, Tim.
09:51Do what?
09:52Just enjoying my backyard.
09:54Your stupid pool and deck are too high.
09:58Well, then why don't you just put up a higher fence?
10:05You're great at putting up fences, literally and figuratively.
10:11Okay, you want a war, is that it?
10:14Well, you just got one, buddy.
10:15No, no, no, look, nobody wants a war, okay?
10:17This fence wasn't meant like that.
10:19We just...
10:21I...
10:21I have a turtle.
10:25She's a runner.
10:26Would you stop it?
10:28No, come on.
10:29People built fences all the time.
10:31We had every right to build it,
10:33unlike your observation tower up there.
10:35Okay, how about a compromise, Tim?
10:37Look, you can have a pool, just get a lower one.
10:40All right, that's a great idea.
10:43Oh, but instead, how about we don't?
10:44Ah!
10:47Hey, John, good catch.
10:49I am warning you, I work at a law firm.
10:52There are building codes.
10:53We can have this thing taken down.
10:57Oh, oh, oh, yeah.
10:58Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, yeah.
11:02Oh, yeah, that's right, yeah.
11:16Okay, this is taking an awkward amount of time.
11:18Yeah, yeah.
11:32Marco!
11:34Hello!
11:35Hello!
11:37Have your fun now, Sack Skies,
11:40but you are going down.
11:41Hot!
11:44Come on, I am working here.
11:47I am trying to build a case
11:48against those idiots out there.
11:52This is kind of fun.
11:54You know, I feel like Erin Brockovich.
11:56Of course, no one's really getting cancer
11:59from their pool, but...
12:00What if their pool did cause cancer?
12:03Man, I would love that!
12:06Hey, look at this, honey.
12:08I swept myself a bra.
12:15You are killing me, honey.
12:17All right, I'll open this other one.
12:18Maybe we can get some cross-ventilation going.
12:23Oh, hey, Carrie!
12:24Woo-hoo!
12:27Don't believe this!
12:30Oh, we got him now.
12:33We got him now!
12:34What are you doing?
12:35I'm getting the video camera.
12:36Hey, Dorothy, hand me a towel, huh?
12:38The big Hilton one.
12:39That pool is cold.
12:41I bet it is.
12:42Okay, here we go.
12:45Monday, 10 p.m.
12:47Defendants are using a slide
12:49located just outside plaintiff's window.
12:52Hey, Tim!
12:52Watch me!
12:54Cannonball!
12:56I have it up, sea monkeys.
12:58You're only helping our case.
12:59I'm gonna go stick my underwear in the freezer.
13:01Okay, baby.
13:14Well, it's officially rash season.
13:19Let's hope you have a better one than last year.
13:23Oh, my God.
13:24Get up for a second, quick.
13:25What?
13:25What?
13:26Listen, guy, while you're up,
13:27you want to get me a beer?
13:30Make it to him dying here.
13:37Hey, is that a pool out there?
13:39Oh, yeah.
13:40The, uh, Saxky's got one.
13:42Really?
13:42Yeah, it's above ground.
13:43It's very tacky.
13:49Damn!
13:51Are we watching TV or what?
13:53They're playing find the penny.
13:55I kick ass at that game.
13:56Hey, it's Doug and his merry man.
13:59How are you guys doing?
13:59We're good, Tim.
14:00Okay, you know what?
14:01We'd love to stay and chat,
14:01but we got a whole thing going on in there.
14:03Where?
14:04In your aluminum hothouse?
14:08That's right.
14:09Come on, guys.
14:10Listen, fellas,
14:10I know that Doug here isn't much of a pool person.
14:12He's more of a fence guy.
14:15You two are welcome to join us.
14:18No.
14:19Why not?
14:20Just Gary and I are
14:21doing a whole big thing with these people.
14:23Well, we're not.
14:23It's just a stupid pool.
14:24You've never seen a pool before?
14:25No, I've seen one.
14:26Now I want to be in one.
14:28Hey, come on.
14:29We can use a couple extra guys
14:30for a game of chicken.
14:32I'm very good at that game, too.
14:36Look, look.
14:37You guys want to go, you go,
14:38but you know what?
14:38There's no coming back here.
14:39The big TV, the fan, everything.
14:41This all goes away.
14:42Spence, no more pop-o-matic trouble.
14:45Gone!
14:47Incoming!
14:55Yeah, can't have fun without this.
15:04Uh, that's our last ball.
15:13Any chance we can get it back in one piece?
15:18Sure.
15:19Thanks.
15:21Classy move.
15:25What happened here, Doug?
15:27I'll tell you what happened.
15:29You built this big thing
15:30overlooking our property,
15:31and we don't like that.
15:33We're pretty P.O.ed.
15:36Is it we, or...
15:38Is it she?
15:43Mostly she.
15:46And does it seem fair
15:47that she's the one
15:48who's causing all the trouble
15:49and you're the one
15:50who has to suffer
15:50out here in the heat?
15:52Doesn't add up, no.
15:56Come on.
15:57You want to be in that pool.
16:00I want you in that pool.
16:02Get in the pool.
16:05You know I can't, all right?
16:06Could you please just leave me alone?
16:07I need to paint you a picture.
16:09When you first jump in,
16:10the water shocks you,
16:11and you think,
16:12who am I?
16:13That's too cool.
16:15But then your body
16:17acclimates itself,
16:18and you instinctively
16:20kick your feet
16:21and move your arms,
16:22and you are swimming.
16:25You're swimming, Doug.
16:27Not in water.
16:30But in liquid heaven.
16:44Oh, excuse me, Mr. Prouzan.
16:45Um, I have a personal legal issue.
16:48Can I run up on you real quick?
16:49Sure, shoot.
16:50Okay.
16:50Well, my neighbors,
16:51the Sakskys,
16:52they're this very annoying couple.
16:54You know the type where they call...
16:56The name on the clock here.
16:57Right.
16:57Okay.
16:58Well, um,
16:59they built an above-ground pool
17:00that overlooks our yard.
17:01Hmm.
17:02Yeah, so first I thought
17:03I could argue negative easement.
17:05Possibly.
17:07But then I thought
17:07it was more of a private nuisance.
17:09You're on the right track, Carrie.
17:11Keep going.
17:11Okay.
17:11Well, a private nuisance
17:13is anything that reduces
17:14the value of another's property.
17:16Getting warmer.
17:17And their pool
17:18falls under that category.
17:19By-by-by invading
17:20the privacy of our yard,
17:22they're hurting our resale value.
17:23Bullseye!
17:25Great job.
17:26Sounds like you've been
17:27hiding a great legal mind
17:28behind all that lip gloss
17:29and blusher.
17:31Seriously,
17:31it's a good thing to see.
17:33Great work.
17:35Really means a lot to me.
17:38Oh, Carrie.
17:39Yeah?
17:39Could you slice me up a banana
17:41real thin?
17:44Uh-huh.
17:49Yeah?
17:50Oh, hi, Tim.
17:52It's Carrie.
17:53Yeah.
17:54I've been looking through
17:55some stuff
17:56in Section 489
17:58of the New York City
17:58Building Code.
18:00Your pool's in violation, buddy.
18:02Doug and I
18:02are going to take it down.
18:04Yes, Bob!
18:08See you in court,
18:09numbnuts!
18:12Hi, sweetie.
18:13Hey.
18:14Well,
18:15the wheels of justice
18:16are in motion.
18:18By this time next week,
18:20that pool will be
18:21nothing more
18:21than a circle of dead grass.
18:23Heh.
18:24Poor sexgays.
18:25I single-handedly
18:26destroyed them.
18:28You know what?
18:28This must be that glow
18:29that pregnant women
18:31talk about.
18:32I don't know.
18:33I think we should back off.
18:34You know,
18:35live and let live.
18:36No.
18:37They're bad.
18:37We're good.
18:38We win.
18:38Just like in the Bible.
18:42I think you're going
18:42a little overboard here,
18:43you know?
18:44Maybe they're not so bad
18:45when you really look at things
18:46and doesn't the Bible say,
18:48you know,
18:49turn the other cheek?
18:50Let thy neighbor's pool
18:53be thy pool?
18:56Wait a minute.
18:58Come here for a second.
18:59You smell like chlorine.
19:01You've been in that pool.
19:02If you just tried it once,
19:03you'd understand.
19:04How could you go
19:04in my arch enemy's pool?
19:06Arch enemy?
19:07Who, you cat woman?
19:10Carrie, I'm sorry,
19:11but I just think
19:12you're handling this all wrong.
19:13Doug,
19:13they gave me no other choice.
19:15No, you did have a choice.
19:16When normal people get angry,
19:17they start here.
19:18But you,
19:19you start up here,
19:20which gives you
19:21nowhere to go
19:21but up here.
19:23That's very high.
19:25The point is,
19:27you betrayed me
19:27just to cool off
19:28in a stupid pool.
19:30It was liquid heaven.
19:36Doug,
19:37they're the Sack Skis.
19:39We hate them.
19:40They're wrong.
19:41We're right.
19:41Yeah, right, Carrie.
19:42You're right.
19:42You're always right,
19:43you know,
19:43but sometimes
19:44it's better to be happy.
19:44I am happy.
19:46You don't know
19:46what happy is.
19:47All right.
19:48You know what?
19:49I'd love to stay
19:50and chat with you
19:50some more about this,
19:51but I have to go
19:52call my legal team
19:53to discuss strategy.
19:55Oh, do you?
19:55Yeah, well,
19:55you know what?
19:56I gotta go play
19:56Chase the Dolphin,
19:57so I guess we're both
19:58pretty busy.
20:05Mm-mm.
20:07This is The Life of Riley,
20:09starring Doug
20:11as Riley.
20:14Oh, by the way,
20:16Tim and Dorothy
20:17told me I have
20:17carte blanche,
20:19which is a fancy way
20:20of saying I can use
20:20the pool whenever I want.
20:22Yeah, well,
20:23enjoy it while you can,
20:24because tomorrow
20:25I'm gonna serve them
20:25with my cease and desist order.
20:27That's a fancy way
20:28of saying,
20:29poolie go bye-bye.
20:32I'm getting a turtle.
20:37Tim?
20:38Dorothy?
20:43I've got some delightful
20:44legal documents for you.
20:51Ooh, lean it up
20:52against the beach ball.
20:54Nice!
21:01Oh, no, no, no.
21:02Come back.
21:03Come back.
21:04Come back.
21:05Oh, shit.
21:30Hi, Carrie.
21:31Taking a swim?
21:41Excuse me.
21:47These papers
21:48may be wet,
21:49but they are
21:50still legal
21:51in the state of New York.
21:54Excuse me.
21:56Excuse me.
22:13How's it going, baby?
22:14Oh, it's great.
22:15Much better than the pool.
22:16Thank you very much.
22:17A pretty good is it.
22:18Mm, mm.
22:21Yeah.
22:22Yeah.
22:54.
23:22.
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