(3of3) Amberlynn Reid: January 2017: The Breakup That Changed Everything

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Then she shares the story of the time she broke her ankle as a child riding her bike in her mom’s high heels. Amberlynn ends her day of filming multiple videos in one day with a YouNow live stream. Destiny takes Amberlynn to Panera Bread to celebrate reaching 30K subscribers on YouTube. Since quitting her job outside of the home, Amberlynn has been finding it hard to be home alone for such long periods of time. Amberlynn decides it is time to share the news that she and Destiny broke up on Friday, January 13th, 2016. Amberlynn answers questions about the breakup with Destiny. She says she doesn't look for love, that love finds her. She records a video talking about her anxiety and how she copes with it. Then we go shopping with Destiny.

Transcript

00:00:00Hey guys! Okay, so I cannot express this enough. This is a no judgment zone. Please do not make

00:00:06fun of me. What happened when I was little happened when I was little and we don't have

00:00:09to rehash these stupid decisions, I guess you could say. Okay, so this is about the time when

00:00:14I broke my ankle. Okay, I want to give you guys a little visual. I lived in a trailer. I

00:00:26was in

00:00:26first grade. The trailer park had a loop. I was obsessed with the loop. As a little girl, we would

00:00:31ride our bikes around the loop. We would ride our little razor scooters, walk around the loop. There

00:00:36was a swimming pool at the end of the loop. We would swim in that. We would do everything. At

00:00:40the

00:00:41far end of the loop, there were two dumpsters. That's where we would play handball. If you guys

00:00:45have ever heard of handball, it's where you take a ball and you hit it against the wall and it

00:00:50has

00:00:50to touch the floor once. If it doesn't, you lose. I don't know. That's just how you played way back

00:00:55then. One night, I put on my mom's high heels. I need to listen to the full story because as

00:01:00soon

00:01:00as you guys heard that, you're like, oh, she probably put on the heels and sprained her ankle

00:01:06that way. No, and it wasn't a sprain. It was actually a break. I still remember they were nude

00:01:10heels. I remember exactly what they look like. I really wanted long hair also when I was younger.

00:01:14So the two most popular things that I would do is I put on my mom's heels and then I

00:01:19had this bright

00:01:19pink. I will never forget this in my life. I had this bright pink sweater turtleneck.

00:01:25And the turtleneck part I put around my head and I would have it like the sweater like draping

00:01:32over my head. This started in like kindergarten and I was in first grade. Okay. We all know when

00:01:36you're younger, you do weird things. Those were some weird things that I did. My hair was like up

00:01:41to here when I was in first grade and I really wanted long hair. So I'd fake having long hair

00:01:45and I didn't even care. I'd go outside in the trailer park and I'm just like, got my mom's shoes

00:01:50on and got my pink sweater on my hair. Like I did not care. This was one night. I did

00:01:55not have

00:01:55the pink thing on my head. No, but I put on my mom's nude heels. It was dark time. And

00:02:01my brother

00:02:02was out at the dumpsters that I told you guys about. And my mom said, okay, go get your brother.

00:02:06It's time to go in. My brother is like a year younger than me. And I was like, oh, okay.

00:02:10And again,

00:02:10I had my mom's heels on and I had this pink bike, you know, the whole, the whole thing. I

00:02:14had a pink

00:02:15bike with the pink little basket in the front, a little horn on the side, the whole thing. Like I

00:02:20loved being outside. I loved it. I loved doing like athletic things. And anyways, that's on a

00:02:25whole other thing. So my mom's like, you know, go get your brother. And I'm like, okay. And she's

00:02:29like, take off my heels, put on your shoes. And I was like, no, like I was a little girl.

00:02:34I was like, no.

00:02:35And she didn't care. She was just like, okay. As you, like, if you guys didn't know, like my parents

00:02:39did drugs. They didn't really care a hundred percent. Like what we did, honestly. So when I told her, no,

00:02:44I'm like, when the heels on, she didn't really care. So I got on my bike.

00:02:51Pedaling, pedaling with my heels. I got to the dumpsters. I put my bike down, got off my bike

00:02:58with my heels. I was like, totally like boy crazy at this age. And my brother was hanging out with

00:03:04all his like kindergarten friends. And I'm like some like six year old. And he's like, what this five

00:03:09years old, five year olds. And I'm just like, you know, you know how that goes. I was like,

00:03:14you know, mom wants you to come in like this little six year old. Just imagine this little

00:03:17girl with some heels. Come on, let's go inside. And my brother's like, no, like totally not listening

00:03:22to me. Embarrassing the crap out of me. I like throw a tantrum. And I was like, you know,

00:03:26I did that whole bit. He like upset me. He really did. I was huffing and puffing over to my

00:03:30bike.

00:03:30And it was nighttime. I tripped over my bike, literally tripped over my bike with the heels on.

00:03:39I was like in the worst pain. I had no idea what was happening. I think I was like in

00:03:45shock for a

00:03:45minute. I did not let out a single cry. I hopped back onto my bicycle and I drove back home,

00:03:53but

00:03:53halfway through the loop to get back home. I will never forget this. I saw the two managers. They're

00:04:00these old people. The two managers of the trailer park. That's all that matters, isn't it? The princess

00:04:04has to be paid attention to. Look at me. I'm this spoiled rich girl whose family owns the trailer

00:04:08park. And I go to university. Oh, very good impression, Jim. But you know what? You neglected

00:04:11to add one or two points. Like I am in a relationship with a man who's in love with another

00:04:15man who eats

00:04:1615 cheeseburgers a day and rides around the park high on marijuana cigarettes. Well, maybe you should

00:04:19lay off the alcohol just for a couple. Don't you think? Well, they're probably dead now.

00:04:24Jesus, you talk about the liquor. I am the liquor.

00:04:32Okay. That just really made me sad. Actually, they're just like, hey, Amber. And I didn't say

00:04:36a word. And as soon as they said that, I started crying. I'm pedaling with one foot. Please tell me

00:04:43how that's possible. I am pedaling with one foot. As soon as I get in front of our trailer, I

00:04:48drop my

00:04:49bike and I drop my body and I scream. My grandma. Oh my God. I miss my grandma so much.

00:04:55And my mom

00:04:56run down the porch faster than I've ever seen anything in my whole life. And they're like,

00:05:02what is wrong? And I'm bawling. I'm like, I fell. And I'm only wearing one shoe by my dad. The

00:05:09ankle

00:05:10that broke. I don't have that shoe on no more. They take one look at it and they're like, take

00:05:13her to

00:05:14the hospital. My grandma goes and gets her Cadillac car. My dad comes down and they all end up taking

00:05:18me

00:05:18to the emergency room. Long story short, I was not in the waiting room for long because it was very

00:05:24serious. It hurt a lot. They did x-rays. As a little girl, you don't really understand things,

00:05:29right? They had me lay on my stomach. Like it's hard to explain. Like I had to lay on my

00:05:32stomach,

00:05:33but then put the leg up that was broken. My leg wasn't broken. My ankle wasn't. I'm sorry. It took

00:05:38forever. They were like putting this cast on me. That took a really long time because it was one of

00:05:42those white ones where they like stick it and they just keep sticking it, blah, blah, blah. And they said,

00:05:46you're not going to be able to walk on this for so-and-so long. And they're like, we're going

00:05:51to get

00:05:51you some crutches. This part actually kind of is really embarrassing. Like I said, no judgment zone.

00:05:56I couldn't use the crunches, the crutches, crutches, the crunches. I couldn't use the crutches. This

00:06:01little girl, I couldn't hold myself up to hop on one leg with crutches. They didn't offer me a

00:06:06wheelchair because we lived in a trailer and I wouldn't have been able to maneuver anywhere.

00:06:10Like I physically wouldn't be able to, you know, my parents did help me walk here and there.

00:06:14I don't remember much after all of that happened. I was pretty traumatized about the whole situation.

00:06:19I remember a few things. I do remember my parents having to go somewhere and we had this neighbor

00:06:24named Corinne. She has passed away as well. Oh my God. I feel like everyone's passed away. Like,

00:06:28where is everyone? Like, I miss you guys so much. Like I think about you all the time. Just saying.

00:06:32Side note, but her name was Corinne and she was like a family friend. Like I felt like she was

00:06:37family

00:06:37and she came over and visited me. She was more so like babysitting, but for some reason when I was

00:06:41younger, I didn't like to be babysat because I was always like, I'm old enough. I'm like some six-year

00:06:46-old.

00:06:46I'm old enough to watch myself. Like, no, you're not. So she would always just say she was visiting

00:06:51every time she babysit me. Honestly, this was so funny. She had to go across the street. So I was

00:06:56home alone and she's like, I don't want you to move. And she was like, how do I figure out

00:07:00how

00:07:01not to make you move? Like, how am I going to know if you got up and stepped on your

00:07:04broken ankle?

00:07:05So you know what she did? She got red nail polish and she drew a really big, long red line

00:07:11on the

00:07:11bottom of my cast. She was like, I will know if you moved because that would be smeared and that

00:07:16would be all over the carpet. That, you know, I thought that was super smart and I will never

00:07:21forget that. I do remember the first day I was finally able to go back to school was actually

00:07:26on Halloween. I was going to be a baby for Halloween. I was in first grade and my school

00:07:30was actually called Miwok. That was what my school was. Miwok elementary school. Miwok always did a

00:07:35Halloween parade. Since I was able to go back to school, that meant I was able to walk on my

00:07:40foot.

00:07:40Finally, I was going to be in a parade as a baby with a huge freaking cast on. So it

00:07:46was kind of

00:07:46funny. I was kind of like a baby with a broken leg. Like, I don't know. It was really funny.

00:07:51I can

00:07:51tell you one thing. I don't remember ever getting the cast off. Obviously it came off, but I don't

00:07:56remember when it happened. I don't know how it happened. So that's kind of weird. If you guys are

00:08:00wondering, it was my right ankle. Yeah, it was one of the worst pains in the world. I've had a

00:08:06few

00:08:06pains since then. Like I have had cellulitis, which actually hurts probably worse than my broken

00:08:12freaking ankle. And I also have gallstones. So my gallstone attacks run right up there with that

00:08:18pain scale. I healed good. So that's a good thing. I don't know. I just really wanted to share the

00:08:22time

00:08:22I broke my ankle. So there you guys go. I hope you guys enjoyed this video and I will see

00:08:27you in my next

00:08:27one. And remember, don't let your daughter wear heels in the dark while riding her bicycle. Like

00:08:33no, like what? What was I thinking? Anyways, hope you guys enjoyed this video. Bye! A bunch of your

00:08:39hate channels are fat women calling you fat. Like what? LOL. You know, I have seen that. Yes. Thank

00:08:46you, Michaela, for a thousand bars. I have seen that. There's a lot of hypocrites. There's this one

00:08:51person that was like saying how I'm killing myself and she was smoking a cigarette while she was

00:08:57saying it. I have nothing against people who smoke cigarettes. I don't smoke cigarettes. I don't

00:09:02like cigarettes. But I mean, that's my thing. Cigarettes kill people. I don't sit here making

00:09:06videos. Silence, I smoke cigarettes. They're killing themselves. They're going to get lung cancer and

00:09:11die. But then these people will be like, Amberlynn is eating a Big Mac and she's going to kill herself

00:09:16and die. I got Dana, babe, so she can quit smoking. I don't want it. I just told Becky recently.

00:09:21I wish I

00:09:22vape. Wow, don't you vape. You don't have to have nicotine in it. I wonder if it would make me

00:09:26eat

00:09:26less. If you got something going on in your mouth, even if you do it a lot, I mean, they're

00:09:31not that

00:09:31expensive. Her juice has nicotine in those to help her quit smoking. She still smokes cigarettes. So

00:09:37I make her by the 55 cents cigarettes that are filled with cigars. She's at the same pack for almost

00:09:41a week now and she's only smoked like half of them because they're so gross. Oh, wow. You don't think

00:09:45the vapes working for her? Does it make her smoke less? I don't know what it is. I think it's

00:09:49just her

00:09:49being around people that smoke a lot. Yeah. Because I had her completely quit. She didn't have to vape

00:09:55or anything. And then we got here and then our friends smoked a lot. Right. Therefore, she smoked

00:09:59with them. I hadn't bought her a pack of cigarettes. Actually, I bought her a pack of cigarettes when we

00:10:05lost our job at the cost of her because we were so stressed. I was like, it's our last bit

00:10:09of money,

00:10:09but here, I'm not you guys. Oh, I can't imagine being addicted to that. Well, she only wants one.

00:10:15She gets really stressed out. There's nicotine gum. Yeah, that's gross. I mean, I'm just trying to

00:10:20help out. It probably tastes gross. They have the patches too. Dana's mom wore like two or three at a

00:10:24time, but her mom was smoking like two packs a day though. Yeah, that's crazy. She doesn't smoke

00:10:30that much, but she still smokes. You put it on no one knows. Like when I was in high school,

00:10:34I tried

00:10:35a cigarette and I just could not get into it. All my friends were like smoking cigarettes. And I was

00:10:40like, okay, let me try. And I'm just like, nope, I can't.

00:10:55I got my throat that time. Did I burn it? What does that mean?

00:11:07We just got to Destiny's dad's house. We realized that her mom forgot her little vapor.

00:11:12What's it called? Vapor cigarette?

00:11:18E-cigarette. E-cigarette. I've never done, done, done, done an E-cigarette before. So I wanted to

00:11:23try it for the first time. It tastes like Smarties. I can't smell anything. What do you do?

00:11:31Jessica texted you. I'm like nervous I'm gonna choke on it. Does it feel like a real cigarette?

00:11:37No. It's got nicotine in it though.

00:11:44Nothing. I tasted it, but nothing came out of my mouth. You gotta inhale a lot.

00:11:50I can't. I feel weird, but it tastes good. It tastes like super fruity.

00:11:59It's so weird. I can't do cigarettes. Like I'm not, no, not a cigarette person. Never will be. I'm

00:12:05like so thankful Destiny isn't either. Oh my god. I don't think I could date a smoker.

00:12:09I don't like Dana cigarettes that much. When I get drunk, I usually want one.

00:12:13Why? When I get pretty drunk, I'm like Dana and give me a cigarette. That is so weird. I can't

00:12:17decide if I actually like Dana cigarettes or not. Just they're menthol and a lot of people don't

00:12:21like menthol. What is the difference? Menthol is like a minty taste to it and then regular

00:12:26cigarettes are just like tobacco. Oh. Yeah. I made her try the bottle ice. I have like really

00:12:32minty gum when you're chewing it and then you drink like ice cold water and it gets like super cold

00:12:36in your mouth. That's literally what it feels like every time you take a hit off one of those

00:12:40cigarettes. Oh wow. I liked it. But yeah, that kind of seems cool in a way. I don't know.

00:12:45I liked it but she thinks they're a lotion strong for the menthol so she gets the regular, she gets

00:12:49the next. Right. Which the next time like this little ball in the filter that you smash to make

00:12:53a menthol or you not smash them and it'll hit a regular cigarette. Interesting.

00:13:00That's what you sounded like. You a bitch. You a bitch. I can't figure out why people think it's okay

00:13:05to make

00:13:06hate videos about other people. If I did that, oh my god, I wouldn't be able to because I'm not

00:13:11that

00:13:11person. That's honestly the only word I have for it is like hypocrites and obsession. Those two words.

00:13:16Definitely. I don't care anymore. Like I used to care so much. So like I said, I am definitely doing

00:13:22some filming today. I know a lot of people are like Amberlynn, why do you film so many videos in

00:13:27one day? And it's really mainly because it's easier that way. There's a lot of YouTubers who do that.

00:13:32Like I know Shane Dawson. Oh my god, Pink Sparkle. So many people. They will film tons of videos in

00:13:37one day so you have, you know, just in case videos if you get what I'm saying. So I have

00:13:41filmed three

00:13:42so far. So I am going to answer some of your guys' questions. So let's just do a few. Favorite

00:13:49poem

00:13:50and or quote. Who are you to judge the life I live? I'm not perfect and I don't have to

00:13:54be. Before you

00:13:54start pointing fingers, make sure your hands are clean. Bye Bob Marley. I love this quote so much. Would you

00:13:58ever visit the UK? That is a definite possibility. I'm just choosing random. I'm gonna do one more.

00:14:05Do you see yourself having children with destiny?

00:14:09Adoption. I think that's what it's called. Um, I'm not really sure. I guess we'll see what the

00:14:14future holds or everybody. I have so many Snapchats. You guys are amazing. I guess I could do one more.

00:14:22That one's not working. Okay. What is your favorite movie and favorite takeout? My favorite movie

00:14:25is definitely Forrest Gump. And my favorite takeout, is that like fast food or is it a restaurant? I

00:14:32don't know, but I'm really craving like Mexican food right now. So I'm just gonna say Mexican food.

00:14:37Look how comfy you are, baby.

00:14:40Oh. Oh, is the blanket so soft? Oh, hi.

00:14:53You are my whole heart and beyond. Yeah, you are. My whole heart and beyond. I just want you to

00:15:02know.

00:15:04So we're currently at Panera Bread and we're ordering our food on our little handy dandy technology thing.

00:15:16Do you want me to go pick a seat? Yeah, if you want. Don't forget to grab that little thingy

00:15:21-majigger.

00:15:22Um, let's see.

00:15:29All right, in the corner. These are my favorite type of seats right here.

00:15:35It is so gloomy outside, but I actually really like it.

00:15:41By the way, today is the day that I reached 30,000 subscribers and I just want to thank you

00:15:46guys so much.

00:15:47You have no idea how much it means to me. I never in a million years thought this would happen,

00:15:51so

00:15:51thank you.

00:15:53So I got the half and half. I got this chicken avocado sandwich.

00:15:59Where's the avocado? Is that green stuff?

00:16:03And then I got this Asian wonton broth soup.

00:16:07Destiny got half macaroni and cheese and half grilled cheese.

00:16:34Aside from the fact that this and this would look amazing in my kitchen. Like look, it matches perfectly with

00:16:41my kitchen stuff.

00:16:42I got these from TJ Maxx today for my desk upstairs just for like a background on my videos or

00:16:48just decoration piece because that's super cute.

00:16:50I have a new obsession. My favorite animal is the flamingo. Flamingos are so freaking cute.

00:16:56So I've been kind of collecting a lot of flamingo things. I thought this would be super cute for my

00:17:00room.

00:17:00It says stand tall darling. I love the word darling. It's one of my favorites.

00:17:04I thought this piece was super beautiful. Okay, so I just got home. Destiny and I went, did some errands,

00:17:11went to Panera Bread, which you guys saw.

00:17:13So this is like my favorite time after a really long day because we've been out for literally hours.

00:17:18Just come home, take everything off. Pretty much strip naked, you know what I'm saying?

00:17:21So yeah, sometimes it's really good to just go out, enjoy yourself. As you guys know, I quit my job.

00:17:29So I have a lot of time at home. Not 100% sure I like that. I don't think I

00:17:33do actually. I like going out and actually doing things.

00:17:36This is what it is. Start driving soon. So I'm gonna strip down. I'll see you guys in a little

00:17:41bit.

00:17:42I could literally talk about anything forever and I really do enjoy doing sit down videos because what do I

00:17:47do all day?

00:17:48Like I don't even know. I work on YouTube. You guys really do say that you like my vlogs.

00:17:52So I'm gonna try vlogging more for you guys. I hope you guys, you know, enjoy the vlogs.

00:17:57I'm still gonna do sit down videos and stuff because I personally enjoy those.

00:17:59Those paintings back there, I still have to hang them up.

00:18:01There's four paintings for this room that I need to get up. One of them I might put in the

00:18:06hallway

00:18:06and it's the one behind that one right there, but I'm not 100% sure yet, but I guess we

00:18:11will see.

00:18:12And when that does happen, I will definitely show you guys.

00:18:14I, this is the next day by the way. I just filmed a video. I gained my composure to vlog

00:18:21real quick

00:18:21about something that has been asked repeatedly. Did you and Destiny break up? Did you and Destiny

00:18:28break up? Did you and Destiny break up? I filmed a video regarding that. Today is January 24th.

00:18:34I'm not sure when that video is gonna be up, mainly because it's just a lot. It's very,

00:18:39I don't really have the word for it. It's just a lot. That's really all I can say. It was

00:18:43just,

00:18:43it's a lot. I wish I would have kept my composure like I am now,

00:18:48but I'm glad that that video was done with. I don't ever have to worry about that again

00:18:52because so many people were constantly asking. It was getting hard to handle and it's like rumors

00:18:58sometimes will be just that. Will be just rumors and sometimes things will be true. And it's just

00:19:03like when one person says one thing, everyone starts to believe it. I can tell you one thing

00:19:08that if there's a rumor that's starting, I'm that girl that will make a video saying this is

00:19:13completely wrong or this is completely true. I don't know when that video will be up. I am

00:19:17having like second thoughts like should I even upload that video? It's kind of scary. I filmed

00:19:22it about 20 minutes ago and I gained some type of composure. I'm gonna end this vlog. I hope you

00:19:29guys

00:19:29enjoyed. I don't really know what kind of footage I have on here, but I hope you guys did enjoy

00:19:33this

00:19:33video and I'm gonna try vlogging as much as I can. I love you guys and thank you guys so

00:19:38much for

00:19:38support and for just being amazing. I'll see you in the next video. Bye. Hey guys, I have actually

00:19:43already filmed this video. It was over 18 minutes. I did nothing but cry the whole video, hence why my

00:19:48cheeks are so red right now. I took about a two hour break after that video. I said to myself,

00:19:54I wouldn't feel right uploading that video. I don't want to come on here and cry the whole video. I

00:20:00filmed

00:20:00it about 20 minutes ago and I gained some type of composure. I'm gonna end this vlog. I owe it

00:20:07to my

00:20:07audience, to my subscribers, my supporters, anyone who has been following me. I have been on YouTube

00:20:13for quite some time as you guys know. I've had my fair share of moments. Hi, um, my name's Amberlynn

00:20:22and I wanted to start, um, a YouTube channel for weight loss. Amberlynn, why did the cow cross the road?

00:20:30Why did the cow cross the road, Crystal? It was utterly lost.

00:20:36Now we're headed to the Dollar General. That's what it's called, right? Dollar General. What was that

00:20:41face you just made? Today, Crystal and I are taking her grandma to the grocery store and then we have

00:20:45to do our grocery shopping. We're gonna go out to eat and then we're gonna go to the movies. This

00:20:49is

00:20:49probably gonna come at you guys as a surprise because it came at me as a surprise, definitely.

00:20:54I was going through something the last quite a few vlogs, doing a lot of crying off the camera. About

00:20:59a month ago, I was having some troubles in my relationship. I keep about 99% of my life private

00:21:05and the other 1% I do end up telling you. Crystal and I, we decided to break up. Why

00:21:11did Crystal break

00:21:12up with you? She broke up with me because she thought she fell out of love with me. The breakup

00:21:17was very two-way. I didn't want to be with someone who wasn't happy in a relationship, so we both

00:21:23agreed

00:21:24upon it. When are you moving? July 2nd. How did you meet your new girlfriend? She's not my girlfriend.

00:21:29She wants to ask me in person. Like, is that the cutest thing ever? You guys met destiny. Smile for

00:21:35the vlog.

00:21:51You guys have seen that whole journey unfold. Destiny's about to be home from work.

00:21:57We miss each other so much. Like, we were texting all day while she was at work. Lovebirds though. Destiny

00:22:02Destiny officially asked me to be her girlfriend on 4th of July after the fireworks. It was so

00:22:08freaking cute. Destiny and I are really in a relationship now. She makes me really, really happy.

00:22:13Hello everybody. So, this was not expected at all. As you guys know, I had a job interview.

00:22:18This was like over a week ago and they never called me back and I was expecting them just not

00:22:23to call me.

00:22:23I thought maybe they didn't like me and they just acted like they did when I was there because they

00:22:27wanted to be nice and they were very nice people. So today, I'm going in. I'm being trained. Today is

00:22:32my first

00:22:32day. Yesterday, my boss wanted to talk to me and I was like really nervous because when your boss

00:22:36wants to talk to you, you literally expect the worst. So when she called me in there and she

00:22:40started talking, she actually wants me to train for a position that Destiny does. I'm just like,

00:22:46holy Toledo. What we do is a little different from each other. Okay, so today's the day when we

00:22:53drive to Kentucky. Last night was the last night I slept in this apartment and it's like bittersweet,

00:22:58I guess. I just wanted to say we're here and hi. So it's the next day and I am a

00:23:04mess and a half.

00:23:05I'm wearing the same clothes I wore yesterday. I had to sleep in them. All my clothes was in the

00:23:09truck

00:23:10and we didn't do anything about that. Everything was still in the truck. Today is the day. We're going

00:23:14to unpack everything. I forgot to tell you about Destiny, her interview test thingy. She passed the test,

00:23:2097%. They said that that's one of the highest that they've gotten in a while. Right then and there,

00:23:24they're like, you know what? Fill out this paper. Let's do an interview. Let's go. So she did the

00:23:28interview and they're like, you know what? You're hired. So they had to do a background check right

00:23:33then and there. So she did the whole, you know, thumbprint deal and they also had to do a drug

00:23:38test on her. So yes, I have a job interview today. That is a thing. I have to take a

00:23:44test, assessment,

00:23:45interview. I already did an application online, but I guess there's like some paperwork I have to

00:23:49fill out. I have to do a drug test. I have to do a background. So that is what I'm

00:23:53doing today.

00:23:54Like what? Oh my gosh. I freaking got the job. Like what? I don't get to start working until

00:23:58probably like a month from now. Oh, and I have to wait for orientation. So it's going to be a

00:24:05process. I freaking got the job and I'm so freaking happy. Like we both have jobs, baby. Yep. We're

00:24:12making that bank though. I'm still going to try to do YouTube the best of my ability once I start

00:24:16the

00:24:16job. Yes. Congratulate me. I'm happy. So we're going out to dinner.

00:24:25Sorry. I just had a moment. Isn't she cute?

00:24:28Mom. Isn't she cute?

00:24:30I'm hungry. Oh, she's never hungry. Okay. Okay, you guys. So it's that time. Destiny's going to show

00:24:37you what I got her for our one year anniversary. And then I'm going to show you what she got

00:24:41me.

00:24:42Okay. So what did I get you? She got me a chat book. A chat book. That's what it's called.

00:24:49I'll chat. True. Show them the side what I titled it. Oh, my ear just.

00:24:56Amberlynn and Destiny. Semi-colon. Year one.

00:25:01We figured we could do this every year. Yeah, instead of just an anniversary gift from now on,

00:25:06we're like, oh yeah, we need to do it every year. It'll be like a tradition. That way we can

00:25:10like go

00:25:10back 10 years from now. Look at this and be like, we were a bunch of kids. Amberlynn. Oops.

00:25:20Some screenshots from where you were editing videos. Me. Baby. Talk louder. Sorry. A little bit more.

00:25:29Okay, so. Okay, so. Destiny got me. A promise ring. A promise ring. Let's see. It is the most beautiful

00:25:43thing I've ever seen. Is it zooming in? Nah. You can put it on my hands. It was honestly the

00:25:52sweetest thing ever.

00:25:55The cake is good. Guess who the culprit was.

00:26:04Hey, guys. So, we are getting ready for the good ol' work. Today is day one of work. I'm so

00:26:10nervous.

00:26:11My stomach hurts. I am sitting on the toilet, but I'm not going to the bathroom. See? Pants on! It's

00:26:172am,

00:26:17and I just feel horrible. I will talk to you guys in my next video. What I can't say about

00:26:23the job is

00:26:24f***ing hard. A lot of information. Training lasts over a month. I feel like I'm going to enjoy it once

00:26:31I

00:26:31learn everything. So, I want to talk to you guys. Obvi, I've been in my new apartment. We got it

00:26:37not last Monday, but the Monday before that, but we didn't actually move in until a week later

00:26:42because our schedules at work have been just insane. Hey, guys. So, happy November 6th. We had

00:26:48the day off today. We ran some errands. We came home. I started to clean, and then Destiny turned

00:26:54on our song, which is Thinking Out Loud by Ed Sheeran. We started dancing together, and then I was

00:26:59like, hey, Destiny, you want to open one of your gifts? Just, I don't know, just out of the freaking

00:27:03hell of it. She opened one, then another, and then another, and then this happened.

00:27:10Are you guys ready for this? Ready?

00:27:18Like this happened.

00:27:23You made the cats run. People were asking, what did I do at my government job, and why did I

00:27:30quit my job?

00:27:30How do you make money? Amberlynn, what the f*** is going on? My government job, I was working for the

00:27:35VA.

00:27:36I would document, index, split, and separate veterans, files, just tons and tons and tons of files. It was

00:27:45all through the computer. I would sit and sit and sit all day long, just constantly doing this all day

00:27:51long. I had really long hours, 10 hours, 12 hours shifts. Destiny and I talked about it a lot. She

00:27:57really wanted me to quit because she knows that I can do YouTube. She knows I make money from YouTube.

00:28:01I

00:28:01will say the money, working for the VA, they know how to pay very well. That's one of the reasons

00:28:06why

00:28:06I kept the job for as long as I did, on top of loving it. It didn't feel right. I

00:28:10was in pain.

00:28:11Being home, I can get up, I can walk, I can move, and when I'm up and cleaning, like I

00:28:16clean a lot, or

00:28:17you know, taking Twinkie out, et cetera, et cetera. Like I'm moving more now that I'm home than I did

00:28:23while I had my other job. Hey guys, so I just woke up. Yes, I slept with my makeup on.

00:28:28Like,

00:28:28it is what it is. Things happen. I also slept with my bow on.

00:28:33Crazy night? No, not really. But I just wanted to say hey. I kind of just wanted to end it

00:28:38and say

00:28:39thank you guys so much for watching. So Twinkie, you want to say good boy? You want to say good

00:28:45boy?

00:28:46She's like, what? She has been playing all day, haven't you? Haven't you? Say bye, Destiny. Bye.

00:28:54Bye. I hope you guys enjoyed this video and I'll see you in the next one. Bye.

00:28:58Destiny saved me from a dark, dark place. Like, Crystal and I,

00:29:05we decided to break up.

00:29:17She is...

00:29:21I'm like shaking. I don't want to cry. I, that's why I'm re-filming this. She's one of the most

00:29:26amazing people. You don't have to be in a relationship with her to know that. You don't

00:29:31have to be a family member to know that. I am getting an abundance amount of people upset with me.

00:29:36They're like, why is Destiny's Facebook say that she's single? Why aren't you on her profile picture?

00:29:42That robot's R2D2 and I got that for Destiny for Christmas. It's my favorite.

00:29:46That's what is on her Twitter. It's R2D2. She's obsessed with Star Wars.

00:29:50They're like, what is happening? Why are you doing this to us? I really didn't feel like I was doing

00:29:54anything to you guys. There is just some parts of life that takes you on such a roller coaster.

00:30:01When you're so down and you're so low, you don't always want to talk about those moments.

00:30:07Sometimes you need to heal from those moments. On January 13th, ironically enough, it was actually

00:30:13Friday the 13th, um, Destiny broke up with me.

00:30:20Since then, I have filmed videos. I've put on fake smiles. I have cried every single time I shut off

00:30:28the camera. I have screamed in my pillows. The queen of pillow mountain. Destiny accepts me. She

00:30:35still accepts me, but Destiny accepted me at my absolute all time lowest. She has seen me at my

00:30:42worst and somehow she still thought it was the most beautiful thing she's ever seen. Why she broke up

00:30:48with me? Or what happened? That whole thing is up to Destiny. She broke up with me. It is so

00:30:54f***ing

00:30:54like the most craziest concepts of the world is the fact that you as a person can have your whole

00:31:03future planned out. Your whole everything so planned out and you think you have everything going for you

00:31:09and someone can just kind of rip that away from you and completely take that from you and

00:31:20I feel like that's what Destiny did. We had so much planned. I am so in love with her still.

00:31:26I want her to know that I've told her that I will never give up. I will never give up

00:31:31on her. I will

00:31:32try everything in my power to fix whatever is going on with her. I will be there for her. Some

00:31:38you knew that we broke up and a lot of you were saying that I was doing this for attention.

00:31:42This

00:31:42is not attention. This is one of the most painful things I've had to go through. Destiny is my

00:31:47everything. She is the most incredible person in the world. One of the best things that has ever

00:31:53happened to me was being hers. Some of you were like, why does she stay single if she's still in

00:31:58the vlog?

00:31:59We do still live together. We don't want to lose each other in the sense of like being friends and

00:32:03stuff

00:32:04and we're even still sharing the same bed. Say bye Destiny. Bye. I know a lot of you are going

00:32:09to be

00:32:09like, what? It's very much an attachment thing. I feel like I'm honestly not going to be able to sleep

00:32:15alone. My anxiety and my depression is through the absolute roof. Her breaking up with me has done

00:32:23damage to my heart. It's completely broken. I didn't want to make this video. I was hiding it

00:32:29from you guys. I was like, I was trying so hard to act like everything was okay. I would ignore

00:32:34the

00:32:34question. I would bypass everything that was mentioned about Destiny. How's Destiny? She's good.

00:32:40Do you see yourself having children with Destiny?

00:32:45Adoption. I think that's what it's called. Um, I'm not really sure. I guess we'll see

00:32:49what the future holds or everybody. I was embarrassed. I'm hurt. I just feel like I wish

00:32:56I can turn back time and just fix everything. A lot of you are like, does this have something to

00:33:02do

00:33:02with the job video? It has nothing to do with the job video. On January 13th, ironically enough,

00:33:08it was actually Friday the 13th. Destiny broke up with me. Like everything I said on the job video

00:33:18is 100% truthful. My boss has actually seen that video. She loves my YouTube videos. It's more so

00:33:24like something going on internal with Destiny.

00:33:26It's a laundry mat. Doing some laundry up. Those are ours. True story. This is the first place

00:33:34Destiny and I ever hung out. That's just French. That's just French. Just French.

00:33:50So, we are at the laundry mat. This is so small.

00:34:04Is there a doctor who has a key? Yeah.

00:34:08I'm trying to let you guys like join us in our time here. Okay.

00:34:16I mean, there's four dollars and four times four is 16, so...

00:34:21Ready? There you go. I'm gonna use the bathroom. Where is it at?

00:34:29Over there. Okay. We can't hear the...

00:34:32Yeah, I heard Amber.

00:34:33I was at the time, so I came up here and did them all.

00:34:36I was at the time. I was at the time. I was at the time.

00:34:40Well, we talked, like talk-talked for like a month. You're alive.

00:34:45This is the only one that was closed when it was 24 hours.

00:34:48They have a TV and they have cameras. Woo!

00:34:53And snack machines.

00:35:02Oh my god, that is so much. Ew!

00:35:08Okay, I am not a public bathroom person in the slightest and I...

00:35:16I just need to be grateful that there's a bathroom at all.

00:35:19You wanna write her name on it?

00:35:20Mm-hmm.

00:35:21No, it's a Sharpie. No, it's a Graffiti and...

00:35:24Love you, baby.

00:35:25Love you.

00:35:26Love you.

00:35:28Good one tomorrow, babe.

00:35:29It's not up to me to share that with anybody. That's not my doing. That's not right, I guess.

00:35:35More than anything, I want you guys to know that I'm still gonna make YouTube videos. I'm still gonna come

00:35:40with a YouTube video tomorrow with a fake-ass f***ing smile and it's probably gonna be like that for a

00:35:44while.

00:35:45I just feel f***ing miserable. I'm still pushing through and I know like YouTube is my job. I have

00:35:51to make videos for you guys and I have to gain a composure and I just feel good to finally

00:35:57get this

00:35:57off of my chest. I don't have to fake a smile. I can just be 100% real because I've

00:36:03been hiding this

00:36:04for a bit. I have some things I have to work through. I have to work on myself.

00:36:10For myself, Destiny will always be a part of my life because she is literally just everything to me.

00:36:16The breakup was all up to her. I can't force her to be with me when she needs to figure

00:36:20stuff out.

00:36:20I know this is gonna hurt some of you guys because trust me, I have watched YouTubers before where

00:36:25they break up and like my heart is just shattering. I just don't want it to drag on any more

00:36:29than it

00:36:29needs to go. Just know I have been miserable. I'm still trying my hardest to film for you guys and

00:36:37to film for myself because it gives me a moment of distraction. Just to think of the first time

00:36:42me and Destiny ever met. Just a quick update while I'm alone because I feel way too shy to be

00:36:46vlogging

00:36:47in front of other people. Destiny is currently in the shower and things are so amazing. I can't even

00:36:53put into words how perfect this is. She makes me so freaking happy. I am so grateful I made this

00:36:58choice. Me and Destiny connect and we have such chemistry with each other. It's freaking amazing.

00:37:12And how amazing it was. I never felt like that before. And she said she never did either. You

00:37:19know, she still loves me and I still love her. We care about each other so much. I just wish

00:37:23that I

00:37:24would be her wife one day because that's how it was supposed to be. But maybe, I guess not. As

00:37:29of

00:37:29now, we are not together. I don't have any juicy details. I don't have any of that. Breakups are hard.

00:37:34Hey guys, I just want to say now that everyone knows about the breakup, I'm extremely grateful

00:37:38for all the support. All the tweets, all the Snapchats, and just all the love. Everyone's saying

00:37:43they totally know how I feel and they know what I'm going through. I just appreciate all the support

00:37:48more than anything in the world. Lately, I have been feeling alone. I mean, that comes with a breakup,

00:37:52don't it? Wasabi, Rarity Gray, and Jax. I love this little camera so you can just take pictures and

00:38:00they're just right there as soon as you take them. It's this thing. It's the Insta Mini 8. Instax Mini

00:38:068.

00:38:07Yeah. Oh my god. This thing is so awesome. I'm like obsessed with it. It is kind of pricey like

00:38:11when you

00:38:12buy the actual film and stuff. It's like a dollar per picture and I'm just like, what? But yeah, I

00:38:17love this.

00:38:17Hey guys, so yesterday I uploaded my breakup video. It's been just really hard. I knew that uploading

00:38:25that video was going to cause a lot of mixed emotions from tons of people and I just want to

00:38:28say thank you guys to the ones who were extremely supportive and loving. I couldn't even believe how

00:38:33loving some of you were. I did disable the comments, but I got so many Snapchats and tweets. I was

00:38:39just

00:38:39amazed with the amount of love. Of course, there were tons of questions, confusion, and opinions,

00:38:46which to me is crazy because how can there be an opinion on someone breaking up? I don't know.

00:38:52It's just a lot has happened since then and it's only been 24 hours. I was very hesitant to upload

00:38:58it.

00:38:58I gathered a lot of questions that were being asked that I just want to answer for you guys. I

00:39:02did go on

00:39:03YouNow last night to kind of just be like, finally, like the big secret is out because I was hiding

00:39:09it

00:39:09for so long or at least it felt like forever. Again, she broke up with me on the 13th.

00:39:21I still had to like film, just act like my normal self.

00:39:25So Destiny and I are at the good ol' Kohl's store.

00:39:32We're just looking. I did see, okay, I did see these.

00:39:37They're so cute. So I just woke up. I'm absolutely irate right now. I'm just letting you guys know I

00:39:44was not f***ing fired from my job. I'm not meaning to be rude or harsh in any way right now,

00:39:50but I was

00:39:50not fired from my job. Hey guys. So I have another recipe video. This one is pretty simple to the

00:39:56point. It is a salad. Look at this silicone case that Destiny got me. Isn't it so cute? She also

00:40:02got me another one, but it's upstairs and I'll show it to you guys later. Before I forget to show

00:40:06you

00:40:06guys, this is the other case that Destiny got me. But yeah, I totally forgot to update you guys on

00:40:11that. So sorry. Anyways, bye. How's Destiny? She's good. That robot's R2D2 and I got that for Destiny

00:40:18for Christmas. This is my absolute still number one favorite. I know some people highly disagree

00:40:23with diet soda, but I am having a diet soda. I'd rather be drinking these than regular soda. I know

00:40:28also a lot of people disagree with that because some people think diet soda is worse. Some people

00:40:33think regular soda is worse and I'm one of the people who think regular soda is worse because

00:40:36this does help me with my weight loss if I'm craving soda. So this will be my drink. Hey guys.

00:40:41So I

00:40:41want to do another like weight loss update because that is something major currently going on in my life

00:40:46right now. Destiny and I are going to go to Texas Roadhouse. Then we're going to go to Burlington Coat

00:40:50Factory. Then we're going to go to Ross and then we're going to go to the movie theater. We're going

00:40:54to watch

00:40:54Split. Haven't you? Haven't you? Say bye Destiny. Bye. Do you see yourself having children with Destiny?

00:41:05Adoption. I think that's what it's called. Um, I'm not really sure. I guess we'll see what the future holds

00:41:11for everybody. I, this is the next day by the way. I just filmed a video. I gained my composure

00:41:18to vlog

00:41:19real quick about something that has been asked repeatedly. Did you and Destiny break up? Did you

00:41:26and Destiny break up? Did you and Destiny break up? I got really tired of that. So I did ask

00:41:30Destiny,

00:41:31when should I tell everyone about, you know, what's going on? And she was like, well, you should probably

00:41:36just do it whenever you're ready. I know there's never going to be a time when I'm ready. So I

00:41:39just

00:41:40filmed the video. It was an 18 minute video. I was like, no, I can't upload this because it was

00:41:45me

00:41:45crying the whole video. I felt wrong about it. So I deleted that video. I waited about two more hours

00:41:50and I refilmed it. And I was like, okay, I feel so much better after this one. I did cry

00:41:54in it, but not

00:41:55near as much as I cried in the other one. Let's get to the questions. The first one is, was

00:42:00the breakup a lie?

00:42:01Um, that to me is mind boggling that that's even a question. People think that just because I love

00:42:07Trisha Paytas and that so many people think Trisha is a liar about her and Shawn breaking up. I don't

00:42:13think that at all, but so many people think that I'm trying to be Trisha. I'm like the farthest from

00:42:17Trisha. It really hurts that like my life, my true life and my true heartbreak is being questioned

00:42:26in any way that just fucks me up in the head. I don't know why anyone would think I would

00:42:30bake

00:42:30something like this. If I was to fake something like this, I would make it a lot more entertaining

00:42:34for you guys. Trust me. So no, the breakup is not a lie. My heart is hurting every single day.

00:42:39That is all the truth. Everything about that is the hundred percent truth. How am I feeling now?

00:42:44I have so many mixed emotions and feelings and questions. It's like, I feel like none of it's ever

00:42:49going to heal. Like every day, I just feel like, why is this happening to me? I do want to

00:42:53get better.

00:42:54And I feel like maybe possibly every day, I do get a percentage better. When you think your whole

00:42:59life is with someone, it only takes one sentence, one second to tell you, no, like, no, your future

00:43:06is not happening how you plan it. And it sucks so bad more than anything in the world, but I

00:43:11am feeling

00:43:11a little bit better. That is the only thing I can really say. People are asking, where am I going

00:43:15to

00:43:16live? Destiny and I are still going to be living here because we made this our home. We have a

00:43:19lease,

00:43:19we have animals, we have furniture, we have a life here. It wasn't a messy breakup, very mature.

00:43:24I can say there was a few moments where I was pretty messy about it because it's like when you

00:43:27don't expect something and it comes so just like suddenly, it's kind of like, how do you react?

00:43:32But it was a mature breakup in my opinion, and we still want to be friends and we still love

00:43:37each

00:43:37other and care about each other. She just doesn't want to be with me. Someone asked, why do you still

00:43:42share the same bed? There were a few questions about that. I have really bad anxiety. I have attachment

00:43:46issues. Destiny doesn't mind it. I guess it's not really up for anyone to like understand. That's

00:43:52just how we decided to do it. We have no problem with being friends that sleep in the same bed.

00:43:57A

00:43:57lot of people find that weird. It's whatever. In my opinion, I do want to be her friend and be

00:44:03able to,

00:44:03you know, do fun things and hang out with each other and watch movies and sleep in the same bed.

00:44:08Say bye, Destiny. Bye. I don't really have much to say about that. People are asking,

00:44:12is it awkward living together? Honestly, no. I can't say that last night. I don't

00:44:16know why last night was probably the first time that I ever felt awkward around her. I don't

00:44:20really know what it is. It might be the mixture of just everyone finding out about it at the same

00:44:25time. There are tons of people that we both used to work with that she currently still works with

00:44:30that came up to her at work yesterday after I uploaded my video, and they were just like,

00:44:34is this serious? Like, is this for real? And Destiny had explained to them, yeah, it's for real.

00:44:38Because obviously, like, Destiny is a very closed person. She's not going to sit there and tell

00:44:42everyone, hey, Maine and Berlin broke up. Like, no, there's no reason for that.

00:44:47It's been very just, like, weird in the sense of, like, everyone found out at the exact same time.

00:44:51Of course, like, our closest friends knew. Her family knew. It's almost like a bomb went off

00:44:56and everyone's like, what? I feel like when she got home from work last night after the video was

00:45:00uploaded, etc., it was a little awkward in a sense for me. Since I was holding on to hope for

00:45:05a while

00:45:05there, it's like, now that everyone knows, I feel like it's, like, set in stone. That me up. That messes

00:45:10me

00:45:10up. That hurts so much. But it's like, I had to do it. I had to get it out. I

00:45:14had to be honest.

00:45:15I had to stop hiding it. People were asking if we move away from each other, who gets the animals.

00:45:20As of right now, we're not going to be moving away from each other. We're going to be roommates.

00:45:24We're going to be friends. We're going to try our hardest to have fun with each other,

00:45:27make the best out of this. I just know that I've been through a lot in my life, and I

00:45:31can't even tell

00:45:32you. One of the most amazing things that happened during this breakup is people that I knew in my

00:45:37real life. Okay, I'm not going to cry. Okay, hold on. Whether it be friends or people that I've just

00:45:43known, you know, kind of like acquaintances that you've known for a while. I can't even tell you

00:45:47how many times I got the message of someone telling me, you are the strongest person I know.

00:45:52That means the world to me. For a minute there, you know, you feel f***ing weak when you're broken

00:45:56up with, especially when you're in love with this person. Like, you feel like you're the sh**tiest person in

00:45:59the world. At least that's kind of what I'm experiencing. Like, I felt like I wasn't worth

00:46:03anything, and I felt like, why am I not enough? You know, for people to come at me from so

00:46:07many

00:46:08different angles telling me, you are the strongest person I know, and you can get through this.

00:46:13That helped a lot. I know I can get through this. It's going to take time. I've gone through this

00:46:17before, but it does hurt a lot worse this time because something about destiny and something about

00:46:21the future that we, I don't want to cry, thought of and made for each other was something that I

00:46:26really took for granted and thought would be there forever. Anyways, back to what I was saying.

00:46:29Who gets the animals? If that ever comes the time where we do move apart, which obviously it's

00:46:35going to happen. I don't know when. No time soon. We have talked about this. That's something that

00:46:39is reality. It's going to happen one day. We don't 100% know. We do have three cats and a

00:46:45dog if you

00:46:45guys don't know. We know where one cat's going for sure, and we know where my little doggie's going

00:46:50for sure. It's really hard to split up a family. How is the money going to work? That was another

00:46:54question that confused me as well. I make my own money and she makes her own money. That's how it's

00:46:59always been. What are we doing right now? We're adding you onto my bank account.

00:47:07Things getting serious. Oh yeah. Sharing a bank account. I don't really know how things are going

00:47:12to change in that sense. Someone asked, why will he tell us why destiny broke up with you? Destiny

00:47:16broke up with me. It's her reasoning. It's not mine at all. This is not destiny's channel. This is my

00:47:21channel. This has been my channel through now two relationships. This has been my channel for almost

00:47:26four years. It's very safe to say that if I was the one breaking up with her, then sure,

00:47:31I should share that with you guys. Why not? But this isn't destiny's channel. This isn't where I

00:47:35should tell everything about her. There are things that I have said in the past with approval from her

00:47:40in these videos. As of right now, she doesn't feel comfortable sitting here and me telling the whole

00:47:46world exactly why she broke up with me. In a roundabout way, and the easiest way to say,

00:47:51is she thinks that me and her should both work on each other. I should work on myself,

00:47:55and she should work on herself. I definitely agree. Destiny said she wanted to do her own thing,

00:48:01and she wanted to be single. And I'm like, I am leaving.

00:48:11Do it, boo. For me, I feel like a lot of time in a relationship, I become very in love.

00:48:16I become very

00:48:17caring for the other person, and I stopped caring for myself. I stopped loving myself because I am

00:48:22giving them so much love that I completely forget about myself. I want people to be afraid of how

00:48:26much they love me. And I feel like, in a way, she's right. But when she first broke up with

00:48:30me,

00:48:30it was like, Destiny, why can't we work on ourselves together as a couple? And she just said it wasn't

00:48:36right for her. Another one is, people think that you two will get back together in a few days. Do

00:48:39you

00:48:39think you will? No, I don't. I did at first. I think that's another reason why I put this off

00:48:44for so long,

00:48:44because I firmly believed for a while. I was like, this is just a phase. Destiny's gonna want

00:48:49to be with me because I never imagined this would ever happen because the love that she gave me is

00:48:53so strong. And the way she made me feel was so amazing that it's like, how could she ever have

00:48:59done this? I just really never thought it would happen. When it did, I was like, it's just one of

00:49:03those things, you know, where it's like, oh, we're gonna go on a break. But now that it's been,

00:49:07it's actually been two weeks, 14 days, half of a month, so many hours and tears and cries that I've

00:49:13spent

00:49:13so many hours I've spent alone. I'm going through the morning stages. Everyone goes through them

00:49:18differently, I feel like. I guess I'm at the stage where I kind of realize that there's nothing more

00:49:22I can do. She's serious. Like, it sucks so bad. But no, I do not think we're gonna get back

00:49:27together

00:49:27in a few days. And I don't think we're ever gonna get back together. That hope that I had is

00:49:32definitely

00:49:32not there anymore. And that's what I was holding on to for the longest time. I was holding on to

00:49:36that

00:49:36little bit of hope. You know, Destiny's gonna realize. Destiny's gonna realize. And I think she just realized

00:49:42she is happier not being in a relationship with me. But that's just how it's gotta be,

00:49:47right? A lot of people were asking, is Destiny seeing someone else?

00:49:52No, she's not. When she broke up with me, she was very stern and saying she just does not want

00:49:57to be in a relationship. She wants to be single. She doesn't want to worry about anyone else. And

00:50:00she wants to worry about herself. Wow. You lied about Destiny cheating on you.

00:50:04I did not lie about Destiny cheating on me. The whole time, I did not think that she physically

00:50:09cheated on me. I did not think that she emotionally cheated on me. It wasn't until recently, she finally

00:50:14was like, yeah, I did emotionally cheat. And that's when I had to be like, oh, wow, okay, she did.

00:50:19That's not a lie. She finally told me that she did. You want to know how I knew Destiny had

00:50:25a crush on

00:50:25Dana? I'll never, ever, ever, ever, ever forget this moment. It was after work. Me, Destiny, and Dana,

00:50:33we were all friends, but me and Destiny were tapping each other in bed, but she had her eyes

00:50:39on another prize. You want to know how I knew? So I'm good at stuff. Okay. We were playing the

00:50:50whisper challenge at like 1am after work at this truck stop. Okay. Destiny was sitting across from

00:50:58me, but Dana was sitting next to her in the booth. Okay. So we're playing the whisper challenge

00:51:06and I got my headphones in and Destiny's trying to make me say something. And it was like stupid

00:51:11stuff. Like the robot is green and I'm just like, okay, just stupid, stupid stuff. Or like,

00:51:24I want to build Legos, you know, then it was Dana's turn. And we, Dana had the headphones in

00:51:34and I was letting Destiny do the, um, do the thing where you like say a sentence. The first sentence

00:51:43that Destiny said to Dana was your hair smells like strawberries. And I was like, in my head,

00:51:52I was like, okay, that's not that bad, but why couldn't my hair smell like strawberries? Why did

00:51:57I get some robot stupid thing? Then it was Dana's turn again.

00:52:05And Destiny said, I can't wait to wear your skin. And you write that in the accent and something ain't

00:52:14adding up. That's creepy. They would text all the time. And like, I saw the text messages. There was

00:52:20never any like whatevers, but I mean, I was like, um, I will never forget that moment. I always bring

00:52:30that up. It's funny as fuck. No, she has not seen anyone else. And the last question is, are you

00:52:34going

00:52:34to start dating again? I got that a lot as well. Obviously, eventually I'm going to start dating

00:52:38again. Like I'm young. I'm still in my twenties anytime soon. I really don't think so. I'm not the

00:52:44type of person or I've changed a lot. Let's be real. Like I used to be the type of person

00:52:48when I was in high

00:52:49school that would go and look for people. Like I really wanted to be in a relationship and

00:52:53dah, dah, dah, dah. But when you're young, that's usually how it goes. But now that I'm older and

00:52:57the time that I have been single, you know, in between Crystal and Destiny and now, like I don't

00:53:03ever look for love. I don't ever look for people. I firmly believe that love finds you. If you're

00:53:08patient, it will find you. And that's kind of what happened when I found Destiny. And it just sucks so

00:53:13bad that it has to come to an end. Like why? You know, I still ask that myself and I'm

00:53:20just hoping

00:53:21one day I can be completely healed from this because it hurts really bad. But yeah, of course,

00:53:25eventually I'll start dating again. Like everyone starts dating again. Like it happens. But as of

00:53:30right now, no, because I am still kind of in the head from this. I hope those questions were what

00:53:36you

00:53:36guys have been wondering and thinking. And I hoped I put some ease to you guys. I'll see you guys

00:53:40in my next video.

00:53:41Bye.

00:53:49Hey guys. Okay, so last night I hung out with Sharla and her cousin. I had such an amazing time.

00:53:55Like

00:53:55Sharla, if you're watching this, which I like 100% know that you are, just thank you for being such

00:53:59an

00:54:00awesome friend and for being there for me. Me and Destiny are about to go hang out. I know a

00:54:04lot of

00:54:04people are very confused about the dynamic that me and Destiny have. Like I get it. But Destiny and I

00:54:09mean a lot to each other. Just because we aren't girlfriends anymore doesn't mean I guess the

00:54:14connection and like the friendship or whatever just kind of shuts off. Like that's just not how

00:54:18it works. I know it's weird for you guys. It's weird for me. I'm trying to get the hang of

00:54:22being

00:54:22around her but knowing I can't kiss her or whatever. But I don't really want to talk about the breakup

00:54:26right now. My initial reason for filming right now, vlogging, whatever. I wanted to show you guys

00:54:31these two books I got. So this one is called 642 things to write about. I have had this book

00:54:36before but I lost it. Like how do you lose a book this big? I don't even know. There's so

00:54:40many

00:54:40different prompts. Write about how to get rich quick. You're a 21 year old. Write a love letter

00:54:45to your girlfriend. Oh. The other one I got, I saw this and I was like, girl, yes. It's 400

00:54:50exercises

00:54:51to liberate your writing. These are more colorful pages. So much craziness. I have not yet written this

00:54:58one. I have written in this one. Just helps me a lot. You know, it's very therapeutic and stuff.

00:55:02Now that I am done rambling about those books, we're going to go get something to eat. I have

00:55:06been craving Mexican food for a while now. So I'm going to do that. So the perfume I'm going to

00:55:12use

00:55:12today is by Ariana Grande and her bottle slays my life. Yes. Smells so good. Like I can't get enough.

00:55:26I literally can't. I love perfume too much. Okay, you guys. So I'm on YouNow right now and I am

00:55:32talking to tons of people. If you guys want to say hi, you can say hi. See if you can

00:55:35see your name.

00:55:36I love how people call me Big L. Like what? That is not cute, but okay. If you guys didn't

00:55:42know,

00:55:42I come on YouNow. I try to come on as often as possible. I wanted to make it a goal

00:55:47to come on

00:55:48Monday through Friday for an hour and I want to try that again. I know today is Saturday, but who

00:55:53cares?

00:55:53Hi. Okay, so you guys get to be proud of me. Please just be proud of me. I'm wearing eyeshadow.

00:56:02Did I do okay? Like I don't even know. Like you guys know I do not wear eyeshadow. I used

00:56:06to a lot

00:56:07and then I stopped. It's just the elf eyeshadow. Hey guys. So I am probably the most excited to film

00:56:13this video than I have been excited to film any video because I suffer from really bad anxiety.

00:56:18Anxiety attacks, panic attacks, something I call the anxiety wave where it's just like the anxiety

00:56:24rushes through your body and it's like your body wants to have that panic attack and it don't. If

00:56:29anything, that is the worst. You never know when to expect it to come. You don't, you just don't know.

00:56:33You could be having the time of your life and then bam, anxiety attack. I've been suffering with anxiety

00:56:39since I was 18. First time I ever had an anxiety attack in my whole life. I thought I was

00:56:44dying.

00:56:44That's usually the case. Your first anxiety attack and so forth, you feel like you're dying every time

00:56:50and you know you're not. It's all like a mind trick, but I really want to help some people.

00:56:54I'm not a doctor. I'm not a therapist, but I do have advice that has worked for me. I know

00:56:59a lot of

00:57:00people are iffy giving advice about things, but I just, I really want to help people out there who

00:57:05suffer because I suffer. I get it. It sucks so bad. More than probably anything, it's the worst feeling

00:57:12in the world to have anxiety. I just want to get this out in the open. This is not one

00:57:16of the things

00:57:16that I do, but there are medications out there. I am very anti-medication. That's just how I've

00:57:21always been. It's an irrational fear. It's because of how I grew up and my parents. I have a headache

00:57:26and I don't even take medicine. That's just how I am, but I do want you guys to know that

00:57:29there are

00:57:30medications that you can get for anxiety. I just wanted to get that out there. That is not on my

00:57:34list.

00:57:34These are just things that I do for me to help me. So the first thing is breathing technique.

00:57:39Breathe in through your nose, out your mouth. I'm sure you guys have heard that so many times,

00:57:44but I want you guys to know that in the middle of an anxiety attack, for me, that is one

00:57:48of the most

00:57:50things that helped me. I didn't know that for the longest time I would suffer through anxiety and panic

00:57:54attacks. The people I was living with didn't get it and I didn't either at the time. As I had

00:57:59it years

00:58:00down the line, I started to understand there are ways to overcome this and to relieve it. Of course,

00:58:04it's never going to go away 100%. I firmly don't believe that'll ever happen, but there's things that you can

00:58:09do that could help and breathing is one of them. It helps calm your heart down and so your heart's

00:58:14not beating as quickly. It just puts you in a more soothing manner. So it definitely helps.

00:58:19Another one of my top favorites that helped me is going outside. I don't care if it's 112 degrees

00:58:26outside. I don't care if it's snowing or hailing, raining, midnight, 4 a.m. in the morning. I'm in the

00:58:34middle of dinner. I don't care what I'm doing, where I'm at. I physically get up and I go outside.

00:58:40Something about the fresh air being outside helps me so much. When I first started getting anxiety,

00:58:46that was my first instinct. I would hop up really quickly and I would go outside and I would just

00:58:50walk down the street. It helped me so much. I don't know what it is, which brings me to the

00:58:55next one.

00:58:56Just remove yourself from the place that is giving you anxiety. If you notice you are getting anxiety or

00:59:02having a panic attack in your bedroom, get the hell out of your bedroom. Or if you're in a movie

00:59:07theater. I wasn't able to go to movie theaters for years when I first started getting anxiety.

00:59:12For some reason, movie theaters gave me the worst panic attacks in the world, even if the room was

00:59:17empty. I don't know what it is. Don't know what it was. I am a lot better in movie theaters.

00:59:21I'm very

00:59:22grateful about that. Just no matter where you're at, if you're capable of getting up, go somewhere

00:59:27different, preferably outside. I promise you it'll help. And if you combine going outside with breathing

00:59:34techniques, it'll, it'll change your world. It isn't saying how that's all your body needs is for

00:59:39you to kind of put yourself somewhere else instead of exactly where you're at. If you have anxiety,

00:59:44you know exactly what I mean. Another thing is process in your mind that anxiety is mind over

00:59:49matter. I know a lot of people get upset when I say this, but it's like, I have anxiety. I

00:59:53have

00:59:53panic disorder. So I feel like I can say this. Anxiety isn't real. Anxiety is in your head. It

00:59:59feels real. The emotion is a hundred percent real, but your panic attacks can be controlled. And that

01:00:04is what I'm trying to help you with. If you put your mind in that positive cycle, instead of like,

01:00:10oh my God, I'm having an anxiety attack. Oh my God. Cause trust me, I've been there. Oh,

01:00:14more times than I can count. I have been there. I have thought I was knocking on death's door. I

01:00:19have

01:00:19been to the hospital more times than I can count because of it. Cause I did. I thought

01:00:23I was dying. The anxiety just makes them feel worse. So put yourself in that positive state,

01:00:28go walk outside, start doing your breathing techniques, think of positivity, look at the

01:00:32scenery, feel the rain, whatever it takes. Just remember that you're stronger than your anxiety

01:00:39will ever be. And I can promise you that. Another one is do not blame yourself because that just puts

01:00:44you in another negative space. Anxiety just picks and chooses people. Trust me on that one. You could

01:00:49live the happiest, most wonderful life in the world and still suffer from panic attacks.

01:00:53I know a lot of people have to go through traumatizing experiences because I do remember

01:00:57that is how I got anxiety. I was going through something super traumatizing. I still remember

01:01:01exactly where I was, who I was talking to, what I was going through the first time I ever had

01:01:06an

01:01:06anxiety attack. I have filmed a whole video about that if you guys want to watch it. My grandma

01:01:10lived in Oklahoma as well. I didn't really know these family that well, but I moved in with my grandma,

01:01:15with my mom and my grandma was so, oh my god. She would lie about having cancer and she would

01:01:22lie

01:01:22about everything and she was cheating on my grandpa. It was just a mess, like a hardcore mess. My mom

01:01:30was rarely there. I had to deal with some issues with my grandpa that I do not want to talk

01:01:36about. It was

01:01:37kind of traumatizing to be honest. Just so much was happening so quickly. Me and my grandma would argue all

01:01:43the

01:01:43time because she would lie about her illness. She was like trying to force me to smoke marijuana with

01:01:49her. I would decline it and it would upset her. It was bad, bad news and my mom started to

01:01:54do more

01:01:55drugs. She would drink more often. I felt like I was the parent all over again and that's exactly what

01:02:00I escaped when I was eight years old and I was taken from my parents and put into foster care

01:02:04and I was

01:02:04back at that again. From ages 8 to 18, I have the solitude of healthy homes. Let me just say

01:02:10healthy

01:02:10homes. I still haven't talked about my foster care experience, which I will, but they're supposed to

01:02:14be healthy homes and for the most part like I didn't feel crazy tense and just ugh. I was sitting

01:02:21there at the table with my mom and my grandma and we were just talking about everything. How I don't

01:02:28know where I'm gonna really be living. All of a sudden, while we were sitting there talking, I felt this

01:02:32wave of fear that I've never felt before just sweep over me and my heart started beating really fast. I

01:02:39literally felt like I was doing this whole out of body experience. Like I didn't feel like it was me

01:02:45and like half of my body went numb. I looked at my mom and I said, I'm having a heart

01:02:49attack and I

01:02:50started hyperventilating and like I couldn't breathe. I was shaking and I was like, what is

01:02:55happening to me? And my mom looked at me and literally goes, sweetheart, you're having an anxiety

01:02:59attack. And she told me, go outside for fresh air. And I was like, I can't, I don't know what's

01:03:04wrong.

01:03:04Like I was so scared, but I ended up listening to her. I went outside and she's like, just walk

01:03:08with me.

01:03:08So we walked down the road to the stop sign and then walked back and she's like, just take deep

01:03:12breaths. And it really helped. That was when my mom opened up to me about how her whole life,

01:03:17she had anxiety and she knew exactly how it was. And I never experienced it. I never knew what it

01:03:23was. It was the first time I ever even really heard of it and experienced it as an older age.

01:03:28I don't know if it happened to me when I was younger and I just don't remember. She was like,

01:03:32you know, it might happen again. Just remember to take deep breaths and it's mind over matter. It's all in

01:03:37your

01:03:37head. You can control this. She was finally being my mom for a minute there. And I was so grateful

01:03:42for it. Like I don't even have words, but I just want to let you guys know, do not blame

01:03:47yourself

01:03:47because it's not your fault. And for the longest time I would question, like, is there something

01:03:51wrong with me? Is there something going on in my brain? No, you can be the most normal. There's no

01:03:56such thing as normal, but you can be the most normal person ever and still suffer from anxiety.

01:04:00Another one is talk about something you enjoy or do something you enjoy.

01:04:03I feel like preoccupying your mind is key. Make sure you always are doing something that you love

01:04:09or you enjoy. For an example, if I am reading a book, which I do enjoy and I start feeling

01:04:15my anxiety,

01:04:16I try to do something different. Dancing or swimming, doing things that you enjoy is not going to take

01:04:22it away. A hundred percent. Trust me. I have been in cases where I am hanging out with friends,

01:04:26having the time of my life and all of a sudden, bam, anxiety hits me like a tidal wave about

01:04:31to drown me.

01:04:32It is the worst feeling. It's suffocating and you don't know what to do. And that's when you

01:04:36need to take a step back, do your breathing, go outside, and then move on to something else.

01:04:41That's just what has always helped for me. Another thing is less caffeine. I know that sounds crazy

01:04:46to some people. If I have a lot of caffeine, it speeds up your heart, like obviously. For me,

01:04:51when I have caffeine and it speeds up my heart, it just makes my anxiety so much worse. I know

01:04:56a lot of

01:04:56people can relate to that actually because I have talked to someone else and they say every time they have

01:05:00like coffee, that's when they have the most anxiety attacks. And I have been there, done that. Trust me.

01:05:05I do. I like do not like coffee anymore at all because of that. The last one is, which also

01:05:09works for me is less clutter and less like messiness in your house or in your car. It doesn't really

01:05:16matter where. If there is less clutter, it'll help a lot because it kind of is like less clutter in

01:05:22your home is less clutter up here. Less messes in your home is less messes up here. I know for

01:05:27a fact,

01:05:28for me, clutter and messes make me feel overwhelmed. And when I feel overwhelmed, my anxiety just shoots

01:05:33throughout the freaking roof. And I'm just like done. My living room looks like someone puked all

01:05:38over it. Like why did someone puke Christmas and gifts and boxes all over my living room? I know

01:05:47some people feel like clutter makes them feel more at home. But if you notice like the clutter is making

01:05:52you feel overwhelmed and you're also having anxiety, maybe try decluttering a little bit. Those are all

01:05:56the things that have helped me honestly through and through have definitely helped me. So if you guys

01:06:00want to take my advice, sure, go for it. Let me know how it goes. I'd love to hear from

01:06:04you guys. And if

01:06:05you guys have any other suggestions for people, leave it down in the comments below because I know

01:06:09a lot of you like to read the comments and such. I hope this helps some of you. I have

01:06:12been there.

01:06:13Trust me. I've been there where I am clueless what to do. I feel like I am dying. A lot

01:06:18of people feel

01:06:18like they're having a heart attack. That is the number one main thing when someone has an anxiety

01:06:22attack. Doing these steps has helped me. So I know they can help you. So anyways, I hope you guys

01:06:27have enjoyed this video and I really hope it helps someone. Thank you guys so much for watching. I'll see

01:06:30you next video. Bye. Okay, you guys. Hey, I'm gonna be completely honest. My vlogging game

01:06:34is completely just off balance. I've been trying to get out of the house and hang out with friends

01:06:40and just get my mind off of things. Every time I leave the house, I don't vlog any of it,

01:06:45which I don't really know what it is. I think it's because I have so much on my mind. Some

01:06:48days I feel

01:06:49like every day my broken heart just is not getting better. I feel like I'm gonna feel this way forever

01:06:53and it's one of the worst feelings in the world and I'm just tired of feeling like I'm alone. I

01:06:59don't

01:06:59want to start talking about all this. Okay, I realized I wasn't wearing my necklace so I had to put

01:07:02it on.

01:07:03But anyways, I'm about to go out. I'm gonna try to vlog for you guys. Yesterday, I was gonna go

01:07:07to

01:07:07Mexican food and I ended up not doing that. We went to a Chinese place because as you guys know,

01:07:12I am trying to still be healthier. When I go to a Mexican place, I get like cheese galore and

01:07:16tons

01:07:17of just not good food. I wish I would have vlogged for you guys yesterday, but when I go to

01:07:20a Chinese

01:07:21restaurant and I'm trying to lose weight, I will get a little bit of rice, boiled, whatever like shrimp,

01:07:27and I will get green beans. I love their green beans. I'm sure the reason why I love them so

01:07:31much

01:07:31is because there's probably some type of sauce on them obviously, but I will have another weigh-in

01:07:35for you guys soon. I'm super excited about that. I was thinking about weighing in today. It's like

01:07:38I have all my clothes on, jewelry, I don't know. But yeah, so I'm gonna go see a dog's purpose,

01:07:42get something to eat, and hopefully just enjoy the day. You know what I'm saying? It's supposed to snow,

01:07:47definitely not wearing the right clothing for that, but you guys know me. I dress the same all year round.

01:08:01It's snowing. It just started, so they have a lot of salt and stuff on the ground.

01:08:13It's so pretty. I wish you guys could see it. Wait, there we go. Look.

01:08:24Oh my god, it's starting to come down, isn't it? Yeah, it is coming down. It's starting to kind of

01:08:29stick.

01:08:29We're not really, we're not really like the type of people who are like used to snow per se,

01:08:34so it's kind of cool to us. Look. We're supposed to get three inches, did you know that?

01:08:39Three inches? That's two more than we got last time. Damn.

01:08:44So I am in the makeup aisle, obviously. I really want to like experiment with makeup,

01:08:49and I was looking at these, and I just think they're so cute. Like they got me with the packaging,

01:08:53and the colors are really pretty. Crap, hold on. Yeah, I saw this color. It's in matte,

01:09:00and it's like a red, obviously, and it's actually called Romance. I really want to try it, but it's

01:09:05like I'm so nervous to try new things, but if any of you have tried this before, let me know

01:09:11how it is,

01:09:11and if it's a good product. Okay, we're in the store for like an hour, and we come out, and

01:09:18this has occurred.

01:09:20Oh my god, I love how it feels. I'm so annoying, but like I really love the snow.

01:09:26Do this? Wait. Do you want to do it?

01:09:38Don't, no. Quit. Now I'm going to be cold and wet. Yeah, show them.

01:09:49And then if it's ice, look, there's this little pick part. I mean that helps.

01:09:54Yeah, I hope you guys can see because it is dark out here.

01:10:03I wanted to show you guys a couple of the things I got today. I did go grocery shopping,

01:10:07and I went to a grocery haul, but I'm just like not in the mood. I already put everything away.

01:10:10I got some more bobby pins because I freaking needed them, and they kind of just like walk away.

01:10:15I got some black nail polish because that is my favorite, and I really want to paint my nails.

01:10:19Just a comb for my hair. These really gorgeous necklaces. I am beyond obsessed with these. I

01:10:26think they are very, very pretty, so I am super excited to wear these. I got two earrings, a dangly

01:10:33hair, and this one has like that little hook part. I'm super excited to wear these. I've never worn

01:10:38anything like this. I just got home. It is snowing really bad now. Obviously, I did not film that.

01:10:43Destiny keeps this like salt stuff in her car on top of the snow. It was super like icy. Yeah,

01:10:49I wear the wrong shoes. Like I'm not used to this whole snow bit, so I wore flats and like

01:10:55I'm wearing a short sleeve shirt as you guys can see, but that's just like how I am. I mean,

01:10:59that's all me that like if I get sick, that's my fault, whatever. When I was trying to walk,

01:11:02like it's so slippery. I was like gonna fall. So like she had to make this whole trail into like

01:11:09we had to go through our parking lot and she had to do a whole trail with the salt,

01:11:11which works completely, but that was actually really funny and I wish like I could have vlogged

01:11:16that because I was like tiptoeing. I was so scared I was in a fall. Even someone with really good

01:11:20grip

01:11:20shoes could have slipped. So the movie, Dog's Purpose. I cried at least four times. It was such a

01:11:27good movie. The dog died far too many times, but came back alive as another dog. So it was super

01:11:32cute.

01:11:33All the dogs in the movie were so adorable. All the stories behind the dog and

01:11:38like the owners was so cute. So well thought out. There were a lot of sad moments. There were a

01:11:43lot

01:11:43of cute moments. If you're a dog person, watch that movie. It was so good. I loved it so much.

01:11:49Yeah, I had a pretty good day today. My day was kind of rough at the beginning because just,

01:11:54yeah now. Issues. I don't really want to keep talking about it, whatever. It got better throughout

01:11:58the day. Even though me and Destiny aren't together anymore, I really do like enjoy hanging out with her

01:12:02still. It would just suck to lose her like completely. Like neither of us want that. And a lot of

01:12:06people

01:12:07don't understand like why we would still be together. Like not still be together, but still

01:12:11live together while we're not together. Do you know what I'm saying? A lot of people don't understand

01:12:15that. I guess you really just don't have to. This is kind of like our life and what we want

01:12:19to do

01:12:19with it, but it doesn't make the breakup any easier. I could tell you that much. But I wanted to

01:12:23end this

01:12:23vlog. To me, you were like, Amberlynn, are you like not vlogging anymore? I am still going to be vlogging.

01:12:27I'm just not vlogging like every single day, every single moment of my life because that's just like so

01:12:31boring. Ever since like Destiny broke up with me, I've been very like to myself. I feel like I'm

01:12:36still trying to put out content for you guys. Anyways, I hope you guys enjoyed this video.

01:12:40Again, if you're a dog person, go see that movie because it's a wonderful movie. Love you guys.

01:12:44I'll see you in my next video.

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