- 2 hours ago
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:06It's time to go! We can't wait!
00:35It's time to go!
00:41He's filling buckets again. That man is an imbecile.
00:46Why does filling buckets make him an imbecile? You just don't like him because he's different from you and you
00:50don't understand people who are different from you.
00:52Why are they always in that shed? What's he doing down there?
00:55He's got pets.
00:57What kind of pets?
00:58I don't know. Animals. In jars. Fish!
01:02Fish?
01:03Listen, I don't know and I don't care. He can do what he wants in his own shed. Just leave
01:07him alone.
01:11I don't know.
01:22Oh.
01:23Booger.
01:30Do it.
01:47Do it.
01:49Oh.
01:57I don't know.
02:04I don't care.
02:06I don't care.
02:08Oh, God.
02:08Oh, my God.
02:11Oh, God.
02:13Oh, God.
02:15Oh, God.
02:17Oh, God.
03:50Hello?
03:54Hello?
03:55Hello?
03:55Michael's phone?
04:02Hello?
04:09Michael?
04:15Michael?
04:22Good morning, your majesty's.
04:26Okay.
04:27Okay.
04:28Who will answer me a question?
04:33Will you?
04:35Will you tell me the truth?
04:39Okay.
04:40Um...
04:41I want to know something really specific.
04:44Okay?
04:46Something...
04:47Something really stupid.
04:51Will I...
04:57Will I ever be in neighbours?
05:09Okay?
05:11Okay?
05:14Okay?
05:15Okay.
05:15Yeah.
05:15One more question.
05:16Your majesty.
05:18I need you to tell me some numbers.
05:22Six numbers.
05:29Hello, Animal Watch.
05:30Can I help you?
05:31Yeah.
05:31Hiya.
05:31My neighbour's got monkeys in his shed.
05:34Okay.
05:35Can I take your name, please?
05:36Is this a good number to contact, John?
05:38You don't need to contact me, okay?
05:40You'd prefer to remain anonymous?
05:41No.
05:42I would like to report my neighbour, Michael Sleep.
05:47Okay.
05:48Can I have a brief understanding of what it is you're calling about today?
05:51I've just told you, for God's sake.
05:52My neighbour, Michael Sleep, has got monkeys in his shed.
05:57Okay.
05:58There's no need to talk to me like that, sir.
06:01Like what?
06:02I'm trying to report monkeys here, pal.
06:03Is the animal in a situation that requires urgent human help?
06:07Well, do you not need a licence to keep monkeys?
06:09For certain species of monkeys you do, yeah.
06:11Is this animal in a situation that requires urgent human help?
06:15Well, I'd say keeping shaved monkeys in jars of water
06:17probably isn't good for them, wouldn't you?
06:20I'm sorry, your neighbour has shaved monkeys in jars of water?
06:24That's what I've said!
06:26Right, and he's put them in clothes.
06:29How many monkeys?
06:30Three.
06:31Are you sure they're monkeys?
06:33No!
06:33Right, I'm not sure what I've seen, to be honest, pal,
06:35but I know I didn't like it.
06:36Right, I'm struggling slightly with this information.
06:39Do you maybe want to calm down,
06:41have a think about exactly what it is you wish to report
06:44and phone us back?
06:45No!
06:46I'd like somebody to come and investigate!
06:48Then can I take your address?
06:50I'm not giving you my address!
06:52Thank you for your call.
06:58Fuck!
07:04Bloody hell.
07:05Water book was empty, had to go down the canal.
07:08Give us a hand.
07:10Yeah, sorry.
07:19Is he alright?
07:23He looks different.
07:29What's wrong with them?
07:30I don't know.
07:34Did you speak to them when I was gone?
07:36Did you ask them any questions?
07:39No.
07:44You need to ask them about Cleo.
07:46I know.
07:47When?
07:48Soon.
07:49I'm not ready.
07:50Right, well,
07:51you might not have much time.
07:53I mean, they don't look well.
07:54I'll ask tonight.
07:55We'd better get to work.
08:01Yeah, right, okay.
08:22Oh, er, your phone rang while you were getting water,
08:24but they didn't say anything.
08:26There was someone on the other end,
08:27but I don't think they could hear me.
08:29British Columbia?
08:31That's the one.
08:32Where's British Columbia?
08:35Michael?
08:36Eh?
08:37Where's British Columbia?
08:38Canada.
09:12Hello, mate.
09:14Hello, mate.
09:31Oh, my gosh.
09:39I got my phone under a car,
09:42the other day.
09:46Oh, my gosh.
09:47Well, he just drove off sometimes I'm kicking.
09:49I ran my mouth off his dick,
09:52too much of what did I say?
09:54Yeah.
09:55Well, if you just landed on, it was all okay
09:59And we're all cloned on, okay
10:14And we're all cloned on, okay
10:19And we're all cloned on, okay
10:23And we're all cloned on, anyway
10:30Yeah, it's me. Post is clear.
10:36All right, all right
10:38And we're all cloned on, all right
10:42Already, we're all cloned on, all right
10:47Don't worry, we're all cloned on
10:50Even if it's here, and we're all cloned on, all right
10:57Already, we're all cloned on, all right
11:03What sort of time do you call this?
11:05Yes, exactly. What sort of time do you call this?
11:08You should have been here an hour ago.
11:10We slept in.
11:13Are you two...
11:14What?
11:16An item.
11:18Noah! Jesus!
11:20Are you having a laugh?
11:20I'm old enough to be here, Dad
11:22Christ!
11:24What's going on?
11:25Do you mind, Brigham?
11:27No. What's going on?
11:28Head office are due here any minute
11:30And if I weren't so desperately short-staffed
11:33And if I didn't so desperately need you on the shop floor
11:35I would fire you right here on the spot
11:37Right
11:39But you're not going to
11:40Um, no
11:41I just said
11:42I can't
11:43Because I desperately need you here
11:45Well, that's all does
11:47Have a go on your long bike, Michael
11:49Brigham, we haven't got to
11:50Head office
11:51Are due here any minute
11:53I feel like I'm running a nursery school here
11:55Or a circus
11:57Don't answer that
11:58Don't answer...
12:00Michael
12:00Don't answer it
12:02Hello, Hillary
12:03Bloody Hillary again
12:05He's done what?
12:06Michael
12:07Shut up
12:08Okay, no, I'll come over right now
12:10Okay
12:13My dad
12:14Has won a motorbike
12:16I need to get over there
12:18Brigham, I need my bike back
12:21Brigham
12:29Hey, sorry, no, you're going to have to move that, love
12:31I've got to get out here
12:32You can get your car through there
12:34I'm without mounting the pavement, I can't
12:36Well, then mount the pavement
12:39It's an Odie
12:56Excuse me
13:00Dad, what the hell's going on?
13:03Er, nothing
13:05What do you mean, nothing?
13:06Nothing, where did the bike come from?
13:08Wasn't it, Er, Bikes and Beverages magazine
13:10Have you seen what you've done to the lawn?
13:13Well, it's a bit more powerful than I'm used to
13:15Brigham, brigham
13:18Off the bike
13:20Off the bike, Dad
13:21I'm just getting used to it
13:25Dad, this is Casey
13:28She's me friend from work
13:30She's helping us with the project
13:32With the profits
13:33Oh
13:34Right, I'm going to bring the bike round the front
13:39Tracy
13:40Casey
13:41Stacey
13:42Casey
13:43Brian
13:44Nice to meet you, Brian
13:45Heard a lot about you
13:46Nothing good, I hope
13:48He says you're a pain in the arse
13:50Excellent
13:51So how are you getting on with the homunculi?
13:54It must be about time to exhume the jars from the manure
13:58They're out
13:58Dug them out last night
14:00Already?
14:01Yep
14:01And?
14:02Did he ask his questions about Claire?
14:05Not yet, no, I think he's building up to it
14:08Well, he hasn't got much time
14:10Once they pass the state of divination, they start to deteriorate
14:14Oh, right, I mean, they were already looking pretty ragged this morning
14:18And for goodness sake, don't waste time by asking them questions
14:22Just that every question you ask them wears them out
14:26Shit
14:27Have you been wasting questions?
14:30Oh, here they are
14:31Just apologising, Dad, on your behalf for the mess in the garden
14:35Don't worry, love
14:36We need to get back to your house, quickly
14:38What's the rush?
14:40Can we borrow your bike?
14:54I'll be two seconds
15:15Are you joking, man?
15:18Hey!
15:22Hello, are you the owner?
15:24Yes
15:24Mr. Sleet, Michael Sleet
15:25Who are you?
15:26We're from the Open University
15:27We've reason to believe that there was a very prominent meteor sighted in the area a couple of nights ago
15:33Sorry, what do you want?
15:35We're looking for a valuable meteorite
15:38We think it may be in your house
15:41How valuable?
15:43I mean, invaluable as far as furthering knowledge of...
15:47No, no, no
15:47How much is it worth?
15:48Monetary value
15:49Dependent on its size and type
15:51Could be worth several thousand pounds
15:55No, you're all right, thank you
15:57Pardon?
15:57Not today, thank you
15:58I am looking for a bird book that could be worth ten million pounds
16:02That kind of knocks your several thousand pound space rock into a cock tap, doesn't it?
16:07Yeah
16:10They're my boxes
16:13Right, okay, thank you
16:16Here we go
16:25Michael, I'm trying to move my car out here
16:27Oh, good luck with that, Cliff
16:28You're going to have trouble getting past all this lot
16:34Er, excuse me
16:36Who gave you permission to take all this stuff?
16:40Hello?
16:43They're more than blankets
16:44Can you go and check on the profits?
16:45I'm going to go and find out what the bloody hell is going on
16:48Hi, Olive
16:49Hello, Michael
16:56Oh, God
17:05Hello, Michael
17:05You're home early
17:07What are you doing, Roy?
17:08I'm taking back my property
17:10That stuff belongs to me
17:12Are you, Michael Sleep?
17:14Who are you?
17:15We're from the Open University
17:17We've reason to believe there was a meteorite landed in this area two nights ago
17:21Is that what you're looking for, too?
17:23No
17:24He's looking for a bird book
17:26He's looking for a bird book
17:46He's looking for a bird book
17:57You can't do this.
17:58It belongs to me, Michael. You are squatting in my house.
18:01Right. I'm phoning the police.
18:03Nine, nine, nine.
18:06Hello. Please, please.
18:08Michael, hang up, for God's sake. Don't embarrass yourself.
18:10Hello. Yes. Well, I'm being burgled. Yes.
18:14Michael's sleep, 30, Marvin Gardens. It's just off the Wilmslow Road.
18:18Oh, you know it. Well, they're taking things out of the house
18:22without my permission, under the guise of being a removals company.
18:29Hello. I'm just going to put you on hold.
18:37Give it up, mate.
18:40The King is out of his jar.
18:42OK, he's trying to get the Queen, and he's in here somewhere,
18:45but I don't know where he's gone, all right?
18:46He, like, attacked me, jumped on me, scratched my face.
18:49OK, thank you for your call.
18:50I'll be there as soon as I possibly can.
18:52Bye.
18:58Hello, officer. Sorry about that.
19:00Where were we? Burgled.
19:0230, Marvin Gardens.
19:04It's just...
19:06Wilmslow Road.
19:07OK, thank you. Bye.
19:10I don't know what to say, Michael. That was ridiculous.
19:12Your phone rang halfway through.
19:14Do you seriously expect me to believe...
19:16The police are here.
19:19Well, they're bloody good round here, the coppers.
19:21What do I say?
19:22I'll speak to them.
19:23It's legally my property.
19:24I'll explain it.
19:27I'll be in my shed.
19:30Hello there.
19:32It's been a mix-up.
19:34I think you've had a wasted journey.
19:36Are you the owner of this property, sir?
19:38Yes, I am, but there's no burglary.
19:40We've had a report that you're keeping monkeys here.
19:43Monkeys?
19:45You wonder if we have a look around?
19:48No.
19:55Don't yell!
19:56You know it upsets them!
19:59Right.
19:59It's in here somewhere, and it's out of its jar.
20:03It's on me face.
20:04It was horrible, like a cold sponge.
20:05All right, all right, calm down.
20:07We've got to get it back in its water.
20:10Where is it?
20:11I think it's under those shelves over there.
20:14Broom.
20:17Be careful, it scratches.
20:22Your Majesty, it's me, Michael.
20:26Got to get you back in the water, mate.
20:29I ain't buried here in the water.
20:35Get him off me!
20:40Oh, you majesty!
20:44Come on!
20:45Come on!
20:48Come on!
20:49Come on!
21:00Do you mind opening this up for me?
21:31Bloody hell. Is that the action man helicopter?
21:38Yeah.
21:43Okay. I'll knock him off the curtain.
21:47You throw something over him.
21:54Ready?
21:55Three, two, one...
22:00Get in, get in, get in!
22:03Oh, your majesty.
22:44It's over.
22:47I can't let them be discovered
22:50I'm going to have to put them out of their misery
22:52You haven't asked your question
22:53There isn't time
22:54No, there is time
22:57If you do it now, OK?
22:59This might be your only chance, mate, come on
23:00Be brave
23:03Ask
23:08Why is it here?
23:10I don't know
23:11I don't live here
23:13I miss my house
23:14But my sister's partner lives here
23:17He's a bit of a strange bloke
23:20Out to all sorts
23:23What's his name?
23:24Michael
23:27Michael Sleep
23:30Do you know where we can find Mr Sleep?
23:34Yeah, he's in the shed
23:38I need an answer
23:41About Claire
23:44It's about my Claire
23:48Is Claire alive?
23:51Is Claire alive?
23:53Is Claire alive?
24:15Your Majesty
24:18One last question, mate
24:24Will Claire ever come back home?
24:32How's your life?
24:39Will she turn around?
24:41Well, he's outside
24:47He he's in the atmosphere
24:48Hears
24:52Hemos
24:52How's all лес
24:53He's in the air
24:53Car
24:53Used
24:53He was where we were
24:54At some point
24:54Of you
24:54He was in this way
24:54We're out of here
24:54We're out of here
24:56A man
24:57Does she love me?
25:01Does Clea love me?
25:05Mr. Sleef? Michael Sleef?
25:09Mr. Sleef, please, could I open the door, please?
25:18Michael Sleef! Mr. Sleef, open the door!
25:24Clea, open the door!
25:27KEY F, YOU lower the door, please?
25:27Go!
25:37Uh...
25:55Uh...
25:59Hang on.
26:14There you go.
26:16Fight amongst yourselves.
26:45What are you going to do now?
26:49I think I have to go to Canada.
26:53How are you going to get there?
26:57Can you get to Canada on a motorbike?
27:00We can try.
27:04Case, I'm so sorry you didn't get to ask your question.
27:10I did.
27:11Actually.
27:13While you were getting water.
27:16And?
27:19I think I have to get to Australia.
27:21No.
27:24Seriously.
27:28You're going to be a neighbour's?
27:29Apparently.
27:30Oh.
27:37How are you going to get to Australia?
27:43Might have asked another question.
27:49Split it.
27:53Hopefully it'll be enough to pay for the flight.
27:56Yeah.
27:58And some acting lessons.
28:00Crick.
28:18I put the kettle on the wise man's song for you.
28:29I put the kettle on the wise man's song for you.
28:31I put the kettle and thread to make amends with you.
28:41And the tape rolls on another year gone.
28:47And I await your cue.
28:50Yeah.
28:52I'll be right back.
28:56Yo.
29:18I put the kettle on the quiz.
29:20The wise man song for you
Comments