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00:00What did you do?
00:02I've done something terrible.
00:03She sent her anthology of smutty stories to the American and the copy man last night.
00:08Guess what I found? An email from my favourite Scottish lassie.
00:14I sent you a really embarrassing email. Can you delete it?
00:16Sure.
00:17Seriously?
00:17Yeah. Don't embarrass you.
00:19There's your answer.
00:20They passed the test.
00:21He is the one person who apparently hasn't read my creative writing.
00:25Please, be chill.
00:26If it wasn't for this one sending the emails to you and the American, it would have been a clean
00:30sheet.
00:31Oh, you fuck.
00:32I've got something on. I've got to go.
00:35Bye.
00:36When I was drunk and it was an experiment and I was trying to work something out.
00:39So you're keeping your options open?
00:41I could have other options too.
00:45Hey, come on. Tomorrow's a brand new day and it's the big fundraiser and we can dress up and be
00:50whoever we want to be, huh?
00:54Evie? Do you have any eyebrow gel?
00:58Did they have eyebrow gel back then?
00:59I look like an angry owl.
01:02Do you think I look too slutty for a museum open day?
01:04Every day at a museum's an open day, Evie. This is a walk through history. A great opportunity for education
01:10and public outreach.
01:11OK, you hate the public and you hate reaching out, so did Shane tell you to say that?
01:16Yes.
01:17You can't talk to any of my colleagues. You've got chaos in your eyes.
01:20It's been missing, hasn't it? My spark, my whimsy, the chaos.
01:24Ever since I got married, it just feels like it's gone.
01:27The word you're looking for is stability. You're stable now.
01:30Well, what we've got today needs is a bit of instability.
01:33I can find Mr. I've got other options and slap some sense into him.
01:36No, this is a work event. He's not going to be there. I'm not going to think about it.
01:40OK, but if I see him...
01:41No. All I have to do today is oversimplify a subject I feel very passionately about to pander to the
01:47public while dressed like a giant tea-cozy version of my hero Mary Anning.
01:51There will be no love triangles. There will be no will-they-won't-they. There will be no shenanigans nor
01:55erotic fiction.
01:56NDN. No drama, Nina. Got it.
02:02It's just... I've never had a fight before where I didn't feel at least a little bit right, and nothing
02:07about last night feels right.
02:10Sis. Come on. You're doing great.
02:13Having a screaming match in the street with a boy is a rite of passage.
02:15I just want to curl up and go to...
02:17Nope. Going to work. I'm a grown-up. I've got my big girl bonnet on.
02:22And do you seriously think he has other options?
02:24Why else would he have said that?
02:26Uh, because men are stupid.
02:27Are we ready? Ladies!
02:30Ranesh.
02:31You look so hot.
02:33Oh, thank you, my love.
02:33Okay, you need to tone it down a bit. This is a work event, yeah?
02:36We can't. We run hot.
02:39Yes, we do.
02:41Woo!
02:42Ha ha!
02:56Howdy doody.
02:57Shut up. I mean, he's fine if you like that kind of thing.
03:00You friggin' love that kind of thing.
03:03Okay, what is going on with you two? We bought horny chocolate off an Instagram ad.
03:07We did.
03:08We really want to keep our marriage spicy, and the woman in the video said that she was absolutely slopping.
03:13Oh, Evie, shut up. You said you were here to support me. I've got my professional bonnet on.
03:18How are you going to make it through the day without climbing him like a great old?
03:21Um, very simply, I'm a professional, and I've never climbed a tree before. So, listen, you and Lee have been
03:27dancing about each other for, what, the best part of a year?
03:29Yeah.
03:30And that bombed.
03:31So, logically...
03:34Logically, you should take a page out of our book, name beam, and dive in head first.
03:37Oh, I should take advice from the two people who'd just bought sex potion off the internet, yeah?
03:45Mmm, he's waving. What do I do?
03:47Wave back, you numpty.
03:51The greatest things in life are on the other side of fear.
03:54I thought the greatest things in life were free.
03:56Hello, Clayton.
03:58A pleasure to see you again, Miss Anning.
04:00Oh, no, the pleasure's all mine, Mr. Buckland.
04:03Evie, Ranesh, lovely to see you both.
04:05And you, Mr. Buckfast.
04:09Ready to walk through history, Scotland?
04:12You know, if we made any substantive leap back through town, we'd probably die of disease.
04:16Oh, yeah. Oh, you'd be executed in a heartbeat.
04:18What, correcting the menfolk? Speaking your mind?
04:22Which?
04:23Well, you'd be just fine with your big white face and your big white teeth and your man parts.
04:26You'd probably be king for three.
04:28I could give you the royal pardon.
04:31Okay, well, we're gonna leave you two to...
04:34Whatever this is.
04:36We have plans.
04:37Evie, no shenanigans. Not in my place of work.
04:40Oh, bother.
04:41Tina, Clayton, over here.
04:42Shall we?
04:43We shall.
04:44Huddle up, team.
04:45You should all have your card readers ready to take donations.
04:49All exhibit stations should be manned at all times.
04:53What if I need to pee?
04:54Just hold it.
04:56Last year, several educational aids were stolen.
04:59It was paper-mashy seashells and he'd made them himself.
05:01Our theory is the cleaners thought they were rubbish and binned them.
05:04Remember, to present your card reader with a smile.
05:08After you've dropped some knowledge, there's a prize for the department who raised the most money.
05:12Oh, I'm too hot. Let's de-huddle.
05:14Last year, the prize was a job well done.
05:16Yeah, well, this year it's real and we shan't be outdone by antiquities.
05:19Not again.
05:20Not on my watch.
05:21Antiquities have Hollywood on their side and they always use it.
05:24Oh.
05:25That's why you're dressed like Grease Lightning.
05:27Well, no, hang on.
05:28Nina, I'm Jurassic Park's Dr. Ian Malcolm, obviously.
05:31Well, he was a mathematician, obviously.
05:33Nina, all we have is Jurassic Park, okay?
05:35They've got Gladiator, Troy, Indiana Jones.
05:40As the great Samuel L. Jackson once said, hold on to your butts.
05:44Yes.
05:46As you can see, the antiquities department have gone all out this year.
05:53Dirty grave robbers.
05:55Oh.
05:55And let the guests know that there are complimentary but limited drinks from the van around the corner.
06:01To your stations.
06:11I didn't know you would be here.
06:14I'd already said yes, so it's too late to pull out.
06:16I was going to tell you the other day.
06:18No, it's good that you've honoured your commitment.
06:20You look...
06:21It's okay.
06:22I'm a grown-up.
06:23You're a grown-up.
06:24We've got jobs to do, so...
06:27We'll do that.
06:29You okay, Scotland?
06:35Get ready, folks. It's nearly showtime.
06:38Open the doors.
06:39They're already open, Shane.
06:41Welcome to Jurassic Park.
06:56So, who are you supposed to be?
06:58I am Mary Anning.
07:00I could tell you a little bit about her.
07:02She was struck by lightning at 15 months old, but she survived it.
07:06And her dad said after that she became bright like the lightning itself.
07:10Oh, and we're done.
07:12Nina, have you seen Renech?
07:14Why is he hiding?
07:15No.
07:16He keeps helping old ladies up the stairs, and every time he gets one up, he goes back
07:19and gets another one.
07:20It is so disgustingly hot.
07:23You two are really weird, do you know that?
07:28Do you think that Claudette from antiquities is Lee's other option?
07:32Grave Robin and boyfriend Robin.
07:34I thought they were just friends, but...
07:35They do look flirty.
07:37Do you know what?
07:38I'm not doing this.
07:39Today is about work.
07:40I'm beating Claudette in our ugly vases.
07:42A bit.
07:43Hello, hello.
07:45Oh.
07:46No duty for you.
07:49Not before we you know what.
07:50My love is cashew cream.
07:52What are we you know what?
07:53We're going to a booth in the museum.
07:55I'm getting my freak back.
07:56Evie, no!
07:57I'm not asking permission.
07:58This is happening.
07:59How do we get to the big, um, chubby piano thing?
08:03It's called a pipe organ and it brings much joy to the elderly.
08:06Please don't sully it.
08:08I'm going to pipe his organ.
08:09No, Evie!
08:10Don't booth on the organ!
08:12Excuse me?
08:13Don't booth on the organ is Mary Anning's favourite body limerick.
08:17Who's Mary Anning?
08:18Only the greatest paleontologist who ever lived.
08:20She was the first to discover the complete skeleton of a plesiosaurus, mate.
08:24All right.
08:26Cool.
08:27You need to calm down.
08:29You're scaring away the clientele.
08:31I'm here to help you, pal.
08:31You're not my pal.
08:32And I don't need your help.
08:34You obviously do need my help because you're dressed like Nanny McPhee and you're sweating.
08:36Okay, well, I'm always sweaty.
08:39How did you even get in here?
08:41Do you know what?
08:41Actually, don't tell me.
08:42Do you know why?
08:42Because I'm not talking to you.
08:44I bought a ticket.
08:45It's not at the fucking Met Galley, you freak.
08:47Like, I made a mess the other night and I'm here to fix it.
08:50Let me.
08:51I don't need you to fix it.
08:52In fact, you can't fix it.
08:53You can't just glue us back together like with your Princess Diana plate that you broke
08:56and then Mum found out.
08:57You broke that.
08:58This is it.
08:59Because you shoved me into a shell.
09:01Eh.
09:01Eh, eh.
09:02Okay, I'm going to go and talk to your coffee man.
09:04I'm going to sort it out.
09:05No, no, no, Bob.
09:06Bob.
09:07Nina, why is your station unmanned?
09:08Because I need a minute.
09:10We're losing this, Nina.
09:11We barely started and we're already losing.
09:13There's a line around the bottom for a picture with clear paps like this is some kind of theme park.
09:17Oh, how terrible.
09:18We need to do something bolder, Nina.
09:20Do you think Clayton would take his shirt off?
09:22Absolutely not.
09:23And now you have to go report yourself to yourself for saying that.
09:26I'm boiling.
09:26I need to take this cloak off.
09:28Okay.
09:31Shane, you can't come with me to the cloakroom.
09:34Don't bother.
09:34Well, another demerit.
09:38Nope.
09:41No.
09:45Nina, we were just...
09:46We weren't.
09:47Sorry.
09:47I said no boofing in the museum.
09:48I'm a professional.
09:50I have a professional bonnet on.
09:51This is my place of work and I am boiling and I am tired and Bo is here.
09:56We told him not to come.
09:57Yeah, well, he didn't listen much like you two when I said don't boof in the museum.
10:02Evie, once you've wiped yourself off, if you could come to the bathroom and help me.
10:08Because it's difficult to pee in these skirts.
10:11Sorry.
10:11I was finding my spark.
10:13Take your time.
10:14There are some elderly ladies who need an escort up the stairs.
10:21Are you okay?
10:23No.
10:24I just need a minute.
10:26Are you even peeing?
10:27I thought I needed, but I think I might just be annoyed.
10:30And it's hard watching Lee and Claudette flirting.
10:32I can't be all smiley and I'm hot and my cloak is heavy and I just want to be left
10:35alone.
10:35Take all the time you need.
10:41I hate that I'm like this.
10:44I wish I was normal.
10:47Don't do that.
10:48Nina.
10:49I love you.
10:51Ranesh loves you.
10:52You're perfect.
10:54And I'm perfect, but you're Nina.
10:57I feel like I'm failing all the time.
10:59Because you hold yourself to these unachievable standards and then you're raging with yourself
11:04when you can't reach them.
11:05It's like you constantly set yourself up to fail.
11:07You don't need to do that.
11:10You're magic, sis.
11:13Okay?
11:18Now give me the key to your office.
11:21No!
11:22You don't understand.
11:23This chocolate has done a number on me and I am savage.
11:27Is it weird that I kind of want to choke Ranesh but in like a fun hot way?
11:30It's super weird.
11:32You need to like cool down my friend.
11:35No.
11:35What I need is to just let my primate brain just take control.
11:38You know that we had years of evolution to stop that?
11:41Logic and rationality be damned.
11:43I am an animal.
11:44Now give me the key.
11:46No!
11:46Stop!
11:56From the iguanodon, this bone was discovered by Dr Gideon Mantell in the 1820s in Sussex.
12:04He didn't know at the time that it could possibly be over a hundred million years old.
12:12Can I hold it?
12:13No.
12:14Can my son hold it?
12:15What part of a hundred million years old do you people not understand?
12:18A bit cheeky.
12:21Any donations?
12:24You never even tipped.
12:25I told you to go away, why are you still here?
12:27Try talking to your fella.
12:28I told you not to.
12:29It was hard getting a word on edgeways with that Egyptian bird hanging around.
12:33Cultural appropriation much?
12:36Why are you doing this?
12:37Because I've been in relationships, Nina, unlike you.
12:39I'm here to advise.
12:41If I want advice on a relationship, Bo, you're the last person I'm coming to.
12:47See, if I wanted advice on how to latch on to the nearest toxic person because I'm too frightened to
12:52be alone with my own thoughts, then I'll come to you.
12:54See if I want advice on how to be a fuck-up, then I'll come to you, Bo.
13:03Right.
13:04No.
13:10It's worse than you thought, Nina.
13:11They're at least one hundred pounds ahead of us.
13:13I don't care.
13:14We have to do something, Nina.
13:16Razzle-dazzle them.
13:17Why are you so wet?
13:18I'm having a reaction to the leather.
13:20What we need is something better than them.
13:24Better than the Roman Empire.
13:32I don't want her to win.
13:33That's the spirit, Nina.
13:34Do you know why we always lose?
13:37Because we always, always take the moral high ground, Will.
13:41No more.
13:42We're gonna play dirty.
13:44So that was a whistle-stop tour through my life as the people's paleontologist.
13:48Excuse me.
13:50Get up, Yankee Fan Dang.
13:51We need your help.
13:52Take off your shirt.
13:53No.
13:53Stop asking him to do that.
13:55Oh.
13:55Also, go wipe your face.
13:56You're absolutely drenched.
14:01Okay, so what's the plan?
14:03I think if you were in any era, it should be the Roman.
14:07Do you remember that package of creative writings that I sent you?
14:12Hmm?
14:13Do you remember the one about Stephen Buckland and Tina?
14:16Yeah, that's Mary Anning fan fiction.
14:19Stephen Buckland's William Buckland.
14:20Why do you think I'm wearing this outfit?
14:22Tina gets the book she needs from the Royal College after they reject her by seducing Stephen Buckland.
14:26Do you want to do a dramatic recreation to destroy the antiquities department?
14:30What?
14:31Without the carriage scene.
14:33It's literally my favorite scene.
14:35Of course it is.
14:36And remember, you have to call me Mary.
14:38I'll call you whatever you want, Scotland.
14:40Ugh.
14:40I'll get my cloak.
14:44Oh, Mr. Buckland.
14:46I need...
14:48I need...
14:49Mary.
14:50I will give you anything you need.
14:52Just...
14:53Just ask, my love.
14:55I need...
14:56I need...
14:57You.
14:58And the keys to the Royal College Library.
15:01They won't let me in to advance my studies.
15:04Damn the misogyny!
15:06You are the brightest star in the sky.
15:08Gender be damned.
15:09Come.
15:10I shall take you in my carriage and on.
15:13Look into the carriage scene.
15:15Oh, Mr. Buckland, you're not like those other men.
15:19Surely this will advance my understanding of the prehistoric era.
15:22And my understanding of what lies beneath your petticoats.
15:27And if you want to see the rest, please tap your cards onto the reader and make your donations.
15:31The more you pay, the more they play.
15:35And remember, it's all for a good cause.
15:41That's it.
15:42Make your frame.
15:43Every ceiling counts, ladies and gentlemen.
15:46Thanks.
15:47Come on, Scotland.
15:48Let's give the people what they want.
15:50I can't do this.
15:51What?
15:53It's just a bit of showmanship.
15:54I can't.
15:55Oh, right.
15:56That was weird.
16:12Nina.
16:14I got too carried away.
16:16I let my feelings climb by judgement.
16:19I don't behave like that.
16:20I don't know what's wrong with me.
16:22Oh, and Mary Anning.
16:23She deserves better than some made up fictitious tawdry.
16:27What's going on?
16:28What's going on?
16:28Come on.
16:29I need, I need.
16:30What do you need?
16:31I need to scream.
16:32Okay.
16:34Then scream, Scotland.
16:44You feel better now?
16:45I've let everyone down.
16:47I've let myself down and antiquities have probably won.
16:50No, no, no.
16:51Declan and Shane will handle things.
16:54Um, I wonder if this might be putting off the guests.
17:01What we did out there wasn't true.
17:02That wasn't truth.
17:03What we did out there, okay, was we razzled and dazzled them, okay, to reel them in and
17:10then bam, we hit them with the facts.
17:14You know, we wow them with the science, the undeniable.
17:25I, I, I can't kiss you.
17:28I'm sorry.
17:29I have these feelings and I'm, I'm not really good at working out what they are.
17:34I have this big, massive feeling for you.
17:39I like you very much, but it's not that kind of feeling.
17:41You're my friend.
17:43I think you might be my best friend.
17:45My first best friend who's not my relative or an old man or a dead scientist.
17:53How I feel about you, it, it, it's not the same as the way I feel about Lee.
17:59I don't think I can do pretend anymore just because I'm curious or, or confused or jealous.
18:08I just, it's not right.
18:14Are you annoyed at me?
18:19Scotland, um, I don't think I've had a best friend either.
18:27Yeah, how can I be mad at my first?
18:29Clayton.
18:34We weren't kissing in the cupboard.
18:36Tell him we weren't kissing in the cupboard.
18:38Oh yeah, no, we, uh, we definitely weren't kissing in the cupboard, Declan.
18:41Uh, so, I'm gonna go and see if I can wrangle up those last few pounds, huh?
18:50We got shown an educational video about what to do if you discover two colleagues being erotic in a cupboard.
18:57Well, I wasn't being erotic in a cupboard.
19:00I'm sure.
19:03So, what are you supposed to do?
19:06I don't know.
19:07I got distracted by the actor playing the sexual harasser.
19:09He'd been in an episode of Minder.
19:13How did you find me?
19:15Oh, I wasn't looking for you.
19:16This is where I escaped during official museum events.
19:20It's a good nook.
19:22Shane thinks it's haunted.
19:28Miss Otto Ball?
19:29No, thank you.
19:30So, what are you hiding from?
19:32I behaved badly today.
19:34I wanted to win so much.
19:37I've never felt jealousy like this.
19:41I don't know where it came from.
19:43Oh, professional jealousy is normal in academia.
19:46Mm-mm.
19:46There was nothing professional about this.
19:48It wasn't about academia or the museum.
19:50It was about Lee and Claudette.
19:54How she stole Lee or one Lee or...
19:57I don't know.
19:57All I know is she's the better option
20:00and I'm some weirdo who can't compete.
20:03Mm.
20:04Sounds like the jealousy isn't the illness.
20:07Sounds like it's the symptom.
20:09A symptom of what?
20:10Do you think I'm sick?
20:11I think you might be in love.
20:16Love?
20:17I'm very good at pattern recognition, Nina.
20:19Even if that were the case, it doesn't matter
20:21because he's moved on and I've already lost.
20:25Love isn't a competition, Nina.
20:27It's not about winning or losing.
20:29It's about...
20:31being yourself.
20:33And letting someone love that version of you.
20:37And if Coffee Boy can't handle you at your weirdo in a bonnet,
20:40he doesn't deserve you at your brightest paleontologist of her age.
20:53Thank you, Declan.
20:54Happy to help, am I?
20:57These things work themselves out.
21:01Just takes us a little bit longer.
21:05Shall we go back out?
21:07Can we stay here a little bit longer?
21:10Hm.
21:16Now that all the guests have gone,
21:18who's ready for the results of the fundraiser?
21:24The totals have been tallied.
21:31Paleontology of one.
21:32Yes!
21:33Yes!
21:33Come on!
21:34Who?
21:36Public fucking ate up your Marianas nut.
21:39He wants to come up and let the prize.
21:41Yes!
21:41Yes, I do!
21:42Come on!
21:43Let's go, baby!
21:45Oh God, he's so American.
21:47Come on, let's go!
21:49I've got the ick.
21:49So, you and Clayton are...
21:51Friends.
21:52Just, just friends.
21:53No inverted commas or wiggly eyebrows.
21:57I'm sad we didn't get to booze in the museum.
21:59I'm not.
22:00We kept getting distracted by the old empty ladies
22:01and it was driving me crazy.
22:03That chocolate made me feral.
22:04What is in this chocolate?
22:06Um, just like, special ingredient.
22:09To the voice.
22:12Oozing with our secret sauce.
22:15A blend of sucrose and lecithin.
22:17Guaranteed to really get your juices flowing.
22:20Hm.
22:23Sucrose is fancy for sugar.
22:25And lecithin is a common emulsifier.
22:28The only thing you are guaranteed is tooth decay
22:31and a smooth cacao product.
22:33Wait, do you mean...
22:34Yeah, you've been scammed.
22:35You're an idiot.
22:36So this feeling...
22:38It's just us.
22:40We don't need artificial enhancements, my love.
22:43The horny juice runs through us.
22:45$49.99 plus postage and packaging.
22:47Still worth it.
22:48Hm. What a journey.
22:49Told you we ain't on hot.
22:51Oh.
22:53You're gonna have to go pick that back up.
22:55It's not a bin, it's a museum.
22:56Yeah, come on.
22:57Sorry.
22:58Am I gonna have to wear my noise-canceling headphones tonight?
23:01Oh, yeah.
23:02Ugh.
23:07So, what was the prize?
23:09It was a ÂŁ15 voucher to Pizza Pizza Pizza.
23:13Each?
23:14The whole department to share.
23:16I knew it!
23:18So, what are you guys doing later?
23:21We're just heading home, actually.
23:23We've got a lot of real housewives to catch up on.
23:27You okay?
23:28I'll be fine.
23:29Bye, Clayton.
23:30See you later, Scotland.
23:32Oh, thank you.
23:35Oh, sugar boots.
23:37I've left my pass.
23:39Can you hold my basket?
23:40I'll get yous out there.
23:47Hi, Claudette.
23:48Hey, Nina.
23:50Well done.
23:53I just wanted to say that I hope you and Lee...
23:56Dr MacArthur!
23:57So good to see you again.
23:58You remember my wife.
24:00We met the last one of these.
24:01You were hilarious.
24:02Called her a grave robber.
24:04I swear, sometimes our banter is the only thing that gets me through the day.
24:07Eh, Nina?
24:09I'm so sorry.
24:10I'm bad at remembering people.
24:12Linda.
24:13Linda.
24:14Clodette's wife.
24:15Linda.
24:17Do you know where Lee went?
24:20Hey, you guys.
24:21You're really cute.
24:23He left a wee while ago.
24:25Funnily enough, well before the cleaning up started.
24:29Oh, man.
24:35I'm gonna go.
24:38I love her.
24:40So, Claudette has a wife?
24:41Yeah.
24:42That you've already met?
24:43Yeah.
24:43And you just forgot about that?
24:45Yeah.
24:46Maybe I don't pay attention to people's private lives.
24:48It takes up valuable space in my brain.
24:50So, Lee's free?
24:51Yeah.
24:52But it doesn't matter.
24:54It's done now.
24:55I...
24:57I got jealous over nothing.
24:59I made an arse of myself.
25:00I hurt his feelings.
25:01I should just...
25:03let him go be happy.
25:05Very mature.
25:07Because it's the right thing to do.
25:10100p.
25:11Yeah, just...
25:12leave him be.
25:13Give the boy space.
25:25Or I could go find him.
25:27And make things right.
25:28Yes!
25:29Finally!
25:30Obviously that's what you should do.
25:31I'm like, ooh!
25:33I know it.
25:33I know it.
25:34I know it.
25:35I know it.
25:36I know he's gone.
25:37I know it.
25:39I know it.
25:40I know it.
25:41I know.
25:42I know he's gone.
25:43I know he's gone.
25:47I will buy
25:48waste some time
25:50getting somewhere good
25:52cause you've got a life
25:53drive me free
25:55and never me
25:56losing is the only way
25:58to set your feet
25:59and go
26:00can't see me
26:02though
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