- 2 days ago
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:16Hardly working? I have cramps. Leave me alone. Do you need to go home? I need you to leave me
00:23alone. Okay. This isn't for me. I only play games on my phone.
00:31What are you doing? I'm banning you. We don't serve mobile clowns here. Okay, then give me my money back.
00:35No way. I secured the package. You're the noob who lost it. I want to see your manager. Oh, you
00:39want to see my manager, Karen? She's right here. Ah! Karen! What is happening, man? Thank you for shopping at
00:46Game Bros. Please come back. Yeah, right. Psychos.
00:53Uh, my friend ID number is 652-781-34. You're not writing that down. I have to, uh, go do
01:03literally anything else.
01:05Oh. You were so close. Oh, you think she's gonna hit me up? No. I can't wait to strangle some
01:11hookers and run over cops or just ring me up.
01:13Wow, that's rude and intense for a young kid. Who are you, my fucking mommy? Now just take money and
01:20give me game.
01:20No, I-I won't give it to you. Take money, give me game. Goodbye.
01:26All right, listen up, everyone. You guys work in customer service. And yet, you have systematically scared off every person
01:35who has actually decided to walk in here. Do you see why that's a problem?
01:39When did you start caring if we win? You've been team-killing Jake since the game started.
01:43No, I haven't.
01:44You literally tried to burn the store down.
01:45That was a joke, okay? And even if I had, at least I was trying to make some money for
01:49this place. You guys are the cure for profit. I need to figure out something you gaggle of jerks can't
01:54fuck up. Nerd!
01:57Good use of her gaggle, though.
02:32Lacey! I see you still don't ever work at your actual job.
02:36I see you're still pretending not to be a backstabbing little prick.
02:40I really did change my mind, okay? I actually have a plan to help. So I'm not going to sell
02:44to Bruno or anyone. So just don't fucking tell anybody about our little secret, okay?
02:50Okay. I think I like this caring boss vibe.
02:57What say you and I go into the alley and make our own secrets?
03:04You hesitated. I'm over it.
03:12What the shit?
03:14We selling cards now? What, we have a nursing home stopping by later for a solitaire tournament? What's next? Fucking
03:20bingo?
03:21These aren't just cards, Aaron. These are very rare collectibles and, you know, these are my personal collections. So don't...
03:27How much is this worth?
03:28Less now that you're touching it.
03:29You know what? I took a shit and I didn't wash my hands. Is it worth even less now?
03:33Worth even less now that you put your shit germs on it? Dude, yes! It was 50 bucks!
03:37$50? For this? That's the cost of a steak. Hmm. I wonder if it tastes like a steak.
03:43You asshole! Wait, didn't you have shit on your hands that you put in your little shit mouth? You shit
03:48all in your mouth.
03:49Hey! Since you guys aren't busy, come with me.
04:07Ugh, good.
04:16Loser.
04:16Oh my God! Where did you come from?
04:18The shadows.
04:22Hey, I think I know why the store's been so slow.
04:26Check it out. Crime City 7 a whole month early.
04:29Uh, they always do that.
04:31What?
04:32The store just get these things weeks in advance and sit on them?
04:35Well, yeah. It wouldn't be legal to sell them.
04:37Well, that's exactly what we're gonna do.
04:39Fuck yes! I'd always try to get Wallace to do this.
04:42I got customers lined up and then he would puss out and be like, but Aaron, what about the FBI?
04:47The FBI doesn't care about stupid little game stores.
04:50I can't go to prison. Who's gonna tuck me in at night?
04:53Probably a dude named Spider.
04:54This Facebook group? It's for all the local gamers in the area?
04:58Ew, why are you on Facebook?
05:00Girl, you know how many free couches I've gotten off there?
05:04From Marketplace?
05:04No, from the dudes looking to cheat on their wives. I make them buy me couches.
05:09No one's gonna get caught, okay?
05:11Aaron, can you line up some of those buyers you had before?
05:13We can charge double. Start making some money around here.
05:16Dropping into the DMZ. Let's loot this place and get out alive!
05:19One of your signature quips. I love it.
05:22Now look at this.
05:23The captain says,
05:24Avoid game bros at all costs. I'd rather have my dick run through a pencil sharpener than shop there.
05:29Seriously, everyone there is a poster child for pro-abortion, except for that one guy, Aaron. He's actually pretty cool.
05:35Aaron!
05:35What an idiot!
05:36Just nobody tell Jake, okay? He doesn't need to know.
05:39He'll just be happy when we finally start making some money.
05:42Ghost perk activated.
05:43No, no, no, no, no. I suck at keeping secrets. In high school, my nickname was stupid fucking narc-ass
05:48bitch.
05:49Oh my God, what is wrong with you?
05:50The doctors don't know.
05:53Well, unless you want a mouthful of spider, I suggest you man up and stop being a stupid fucking narc
05:58-ass bitch!
06:14Yo, this is Chris. He is very excited for the new crime city.
06:22Zack!
06:24Hook him up.
06:42you're not a cop are you you literally have to tell me if you're a cop look man i'm not
06:46a cop
06:47all right look can i just get the game all right this is my first time i'm a little nervous
06:51fine let's just get this over with okay this will be our little secret
07:00give me the damn game man
07:03what the fuck is wrong with you
07:12hey that dude right there that's your best employee by far you hear that headshot
07:20good shit
07:25that was weird let's go ask what's going on no aaron is a gamer he likes to play
07:35the only way to beat him is to play the game too
07:55hey aaron
07:59it's been a while you want to know what i miss the most about us
08:08the bud stuff no well kind of i miss getting into shady schemes together
08:15like do you remember when you convinced my uncle that you kidnapped me
08:19and we got like 600 bucks out of him yeah
08:26that was so hot
08:30are you into any shady schemes right now
08:35what do you know
08:37just that you're the captain
08:38what i'm not the hvt elliot is a squad leader
08:42we're ranking up the store with the bankroll perk
08:46don't try and spawn camp me
08:47can you just tell me what any of that shit means without using words from a fucking video game
08:52no
09:01what did he say
09:05am i broken
09:08no
09:08pull yourself together
09:10you're a gorgeous angel
09:13something else is going on
09:15just say a word and i'll fucking end you nerd
09:45oh look at that i gotta go
09:48it's the time it's the time i gotta go at
09:50so
10:05you guys done yet
10:06we haven't even started yet you nerd fuck
10:09people are going to be coming by all morning
10:11now get in there and watch out for jake
10:13you're the worst recon ever
10:15elliot am i the worst recon ever
10:16no
10:18but you do need to get in there and look out
10:20and don't talk to anyone
10:22the squad is counting on you
10:24we're a squad
10:25yes
10:28fuck off
10:29yes sir
10:39hey zach
10:42what are you doing here so early okay
10:45i'm working on my magic tabletop games
10:49okay
10:50have you seen my card collection
10:53maybe later
10:54no jake if you look at it right now i'll give it all to the store right now
10:58there he is
10:59come here pig king we're gonna make you squeal
11:02no
11:06you ready to get hogtied you little bitch
11:09what is going on
11:10erin is up to something and zach knows what it is
11:13i'll never betray the squad just don't go in the back alley
11:15now i have to go look in the back alley what are you talking about
11:18no you can't because
11:19because there's someone masturbated all over it
11:22hey jake
11:23erin is cleaning up all the semen
11:25what the fuck
11:26erin why are you talking shit about the store on facebook
11:28do i look like a fat grandma
11:30i don't have fucking facebook
11:32oh shit then he's not the captain
11:34i can't take it anymore elliot is selling crime city 7 in the back alley
11:39and we're all going to prison
11:40you stupid fucking narc-ass bitch
11:45you're out of the fucking squad
11:48elliot
11:51why did you tell me we have the new crime city three weeks early
11:53okay before you lecture me
11:54dude we're gonna make so much cash
11:56and to be honest none of your ideas worked
11:59i know okay
12:01look i'm not lame
12:02look i'm not
12:03i'm not zerg the turd anymore
12:04oh shit
12:05you remember that
12:06dude zerg the turd
12:08you got memed
12:09because your friend recorded you
12:12reporting your own teammates
12:13okay in my defense
12:14those guys were all severely racist
12:17okay i know it was lame
12:19whatever
12:19i'm not that guy anymore
12:20i'm cool now
12:23so i say let's do this
12:27i'm gonna let the girls know
12:28yeah
12:31bold move
12:32risky
12:33but bold
12:34yeah
12:34gamers are gonna think it's cool
12:36i think it's very cool
12:37well jake is obviously doing it because he thinks it's cool
12:40i'm doing it because we can charge more and actually make some profit for this place
12:44well just be careful okay
12:45i don't think you guys know what you're getting yourselves into
12:47oh don't worry about us
12:48i mean this isn't my first run in with a 5-0
12:49what
12:51this is absolutely his first time doing something like this
12:54okay well lacy and i are very close to catching the facebook captain who's been trashing on the store
12:59so we will let you get back to your cool new business plan
13:03but first we do need to discuss my payment
13:07thank you
13:10she's gonna pay for that right
13:13i don't think so
13:20hey it's the crime city seven hit you with the sniper rifle and teleport you to heaven
13:25hey
13:35hey
13:36i've been niching for a mission
13:38i'm just waiting on you to put the keys in the admission
13:40i'm still online gaming
13:42rocket launcher flaming
13:43ain't worried about the cops cause i'm good like megan
13:45psycho like michael but last name ain't jackson
13:48like a stunt double
13:49i'm all about the action
13:51from penthouse suites
13:52to knocking out your teeth
13:53and girls like arby's
13:54they just want the meat
13:56talk ain't cheap
13:57cause i paid a pretty penny
13:58south park style
13:59you get killed like kenny
14:01engine gotta hit me in my car
14:03got a passenger online taking shots
14:04and we'll send them right back to ya
14:06headshot made them leave earth like caprica
14:08chest shot got a breathing
14:10oh my god he's typing
14:12stop
14:13stop
14:13we go to the hospital
14:16i got content for the nonsense
14:18you underarm like all this
14:19i just bought a new gun
14:21i nicknamed it all shit
14:22hey it's the crime city seven
14:24hit you with the sniper rifle and teleport you to heaven
14:26hey
14:26hey
14:27i've been niching for a mission
14:29i'm just waiting on you to put the keys in the ignition
14:31hey
14:32hey
14:32it's the crime city seven
14:34hit you with the sniper rifle and teleport you to heaven
14:36hey
14:37hey
14:37i've been niching for a mission
14:39i'm just waiting on you to put the keys in the
14:41uh
14:44lacy
14:46lacy
14:48what are you doing here
14:52you guys were dancing so i just
14:55thought
15:06are you sure selling this game really is a good idea
15:09none of this is really your style
15:11maybe i'm sick of my style
15:14maybe zerg the turd
15:15was wrong
15:17wait are you
15:18zerg the turd
15:19i potentially could have been that guy from the meme yes
15:21but not anymore
15:22it's a new me
15:23okay well just so you know i was on zerg's side in that video
15:27okay
15:27thank you
15:28right
15:29you know you built something kind of cool here
15:31i really don't want to see you mess it up
15:33it's gonna be fine
15:34good to hear
15:35because there's a cop right over there talking to zach
15:40i just have a few questions for you
15:47do we have a problem
15:48i think i just pooped my pants
15:51hi
15:52um
15:53can we help you
15:58i love the cosplay
16:01excited about the game
16:03oh yeah the game
16:04yeah great great
16:05um i'm sorry about our crazy employee
16:08he's a little unwell that one
16:09yeah yeah yeah
16:10he was holed up with a bunch of squatters
16:11letting old ladies look jelly off of his feet for money
16:14freak
16:14uh i don't
16:16think that's even a thing
16:17oh that's a thing
16:19we just shut down a jelly house down the street last week
16:23oh
16:24look
16:24i'm just here to get a replacement controller for my kid
16:27breaks one like every other day
16:29rage issues
16:30i mean that's not his fault man
16:31it's fucking hackers online
16:32you ever played with them
16:33how you're not supposed to throw your controller
16:35okay uh great erin
16:36uh here we go
16:39that one's on the house
16:40really
16:40yeah
16:41yeah but you just took down a jelly house man
16:44and
16:45thank you so much for your service
16:47thank you
16:47yeah
16:48that is not a bribe
16:52oh
16:53holy shit
16:54we did it
16:54oh
16:55he wants to know more about you
16:56okay
16:56so we have some ways we can play this
16:58okay
16:58do we want to go
17:00hardcore gamer
17:02borderline satanic
17:03lacy
17:05or
17:06uwu girl dum-dum
17:08who streams pokemon
17:09in low-cut shirts
17:10hmm
17:11i think we go hardcore
17:13you're so right
17:14perfect
17:15oh
17:15he sent a picture
17:17oh
17:17all right
17:18let's see what this basement dwelling troll looks like
17:21ew i can't wait
17:22oh
17:24hello captain
17:26oh
17:28yo
17:29got your little e-blast
17:31you announced to everyone that we're selling unreleased games
17:35no
17:35erin used to code it was super subtle
17:38can't wait to play crime city 7
17:41game bros has got you
17:42come buy it
17:43early
17:44all caps
17:45exclamation point
17:46exclamation point
17:47exclamation point
17:48that's not code
17:50okay
17:51we can't do anything about it now
17:52we already
17:53launched operation world wide web
17:55what is operation world wide web
17:57i'm sorry
17:58but is the captain a low-key
18:00fucking catch
18:01he's a gamer
18:02he's hot af
18:03and he's got a heart of gold
18:06dibs
18:06no
18:07you have a boyfriend
18:09oh
18:10i need to see you
18:12tonight
18:12meet at game bros at 8
18:14he's here
18:15oh my god
18:16i did it
18:16wait hold on
18:18game bros going live in 67
18:20seconds unreleased crime city 7 playthrough
18:25i can't let you do this
18:26incest is bad
18:28it's a lobby
18:29thousands of people in there
18:35jake
18:35what have you done
18:37we're live baby
18:39what are you doing
18:40i hope it's not too late
18:42i hope spiders a gentle love
18:43calm down
18:44i've been in a way shittier shit than this
18:46and nothing ever happened
18:47we're gonna be fine
18:48oh shit the cops
18:49we're fucked
18:52uh hello officer
18:54that controller not work out for your son
18:56oh here take this one
18:58this one too
18:58you could have all of them
19:00nah i'm here about something else
19:03well cool cool cool
19:04these two are the owners
19:05i'm sure whatever problem you have
19:07they can
19:10um so like uh
19:12what's up
19:13i'm here to find her
19:19me oh my god
19:21that's
19:22the captain
19:25he's a cop
19:28this just keeps getting on her
19:32sugar bear
19:34you did not have to hide the uniform from me
19:37i am
19:39into it
19:41i'm not the captain
19:42but i know him very well
19:44thomas
19:45thomas get in here
19:50tell her
19:52now
19:55i'm sorry i catfished you
19:57and i'm sorry i review bombed your story
19:59you were being a dick whenever i was trying to buy that video game and all my friends will be
20:03playing cc7 and i'm sitting around with my thumbs up my ass
20:06thomas
20:07thomas
20:07sorry
20:07i'm going to talk about butt
20:10well
20:12there will be no more trouble from the captain
20:14because he's grounded forever
20:18let's go
20:24y'all got copies of cc7
20:27can i get one
20:33have a great night
20:36did anybody get his patch number
20:38we
20:39are
20:40invincible
20:40and they say crime doesn't pay
20:42oh it pays
20:43and the cops don't even care
20:45hold up scarface
20:47we just got an email
20:49game bros was found violating the game's release date and is hereby unauthorized to sell any and all properties made
20:55by megastar games
20:56oh then a lot of very interesting legal jargon
21:00no
21:00do we get blacklisted
21:02this is what i was saying
21:05so what
21:06fuck megastar
21:07no schemes
21:08no law breaking
21:10we do this legit
21:11okay
21:13i am zerk deterred
21:15and i'm proud to be
21:18i always liked that guy
21:21ugh
21:23put your boners away
21:26thank god this day is over
21:28close calls like that can be a good thing
21:29really wakes people up
21:30i'm sure the boys learned their lesson
21:32i want you to sell the remaining inventory wherever you can
21:35schools playgrounds
21:36you know places like that
22:05i love you
22:06sunny
22:06yeahás
22:06& i
22:06know
Comments