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00:03This better be good. I stopped cooking for this.
00:06You cook?
00:07Do not confuse me cooking bitches in Call of War with the lady bitch cooking you do in the kitchen.
00:12Okay, it's too early for you.
00:13Oh, you're telling me. My alarm interrupted my wet dream.
00:17It was going to be a wet dream, but then I woke up before it was a wet dream.
00:22Stop saying wet dream.
00:23We were referees, and we were watching Hulk Hogan and Cate Blanchett absolutely ravage my asshole.
00:29I mean toss it like a Caesar salad. Like destroy me like an old Italian restaurant.
00:34No more talking until I've had my coffee. And after that, still no more talking.
00:45Why are you so chipper?
00:46Because big things are happening this morning.
00:48Don't talk about my dick in front of Violet. Makes her uncomfortable.
00:51He said big things, not tiny disease ridden things.
00:53Not morning people I see, but I'm glad you're here because guess what I got?
00:57Magic sandals.
00:58What? No, I'm not.
01:00Is it a dog? Did you get us all a little dog for like the little office dog?
01:05No, please stop guessing.
01:07Is it Ninja Stars?
01:08So after we got banned from selling Crime City 7, I thought we were finished.
01:12But then I found these.
01:21Arcades!
01:22For passive income!
01:23Wow!
01:24Those are so fucking cool.
01:27Really?
01:27No.
01:28No.
01:41No.
01:43No.
01:44No.
01:55why would you be excited about this trash game hey they're not trash okay yeah i did find them
02:03on the side of the road but ah the side of the road nature's treasure trope you know my mom
02:07wouldn't buy me a queen size bed because she said give me an ego but then the street provider you
02:12sleep on a street mattress dude that probably has bedbugs oh it definitely has bedbugs don't worry
02:18don't worry i'm immune my doctor said that i have weird blood so even the bugs hate it why aren't
02:24we more hyped about this i mean this is like a sign from the universe no it was a sign
02:28from
02:28sanitation that it's fucking trash day idiot okay what makes us special uh your extra chromosomes no
02:33our appreciation for the good old days of gaming og councils old school games that's why i decided
02:41to make game bros retro why would anyone want to play these two-bit dumpster fires when you can
02:45play an fps and headshot fuckers with an mtz 556 hold on it says here there's a capacitor problem
02:51with these arcade machines leading to a screen malfunction which caused seizures in some
02:56individuals that's pretty cool zach you should play one that's not a thing you can't believe
03:00everything you read on the news jake these are discontinued even better we're the only ones that
03:04have it exclusively retro that's one way to look at it well if we're going retro then why isn't violet
03:09in the kitchen making us sandwiches erin can you do something i would like a cheese sandwich
03:14zach just when you get a chance a lot of cheese stop
03:20in and out and out through the mouth
03:26feel the air flow into your lungs
03:31and let your muscles
03:35hey hunter
03:38you ready for vegas baby i'm not going to vegas am i why would i be going to vegas
03:44because you're about to get a chunk of money we're about to blow it and by blow it i mean
03:49cocaine
03:51sing it with me go on drugs and hookers drugs drugs
03:55dude i don't know what you're talking about i talked to bruno deal's done man
03:59no the deal is not done i told bruno we're not selling
04:03i hate to break it to you brosif but that is not what bruno thinks
04:06did you shake hands
04:11why are you so upset man this is what you wanted i absolutely did not want to be in a
04:17deal with the albanian mob and i don't want to sell anymore bruno is on his way to you
04:22i am working in here do i interrupt you when you're fucking the gardener
04:26sir i gotta go
04:31feel the air
04:32don't breathe in flow into your lungs
04:36and out
04:37let your muscles relax
04:43big boo
04:43oh god lazy
04:45i'm night shamala never plot twist
04:48if that means i've been dead all along it would be the best news in weeks
04:52oh poor baby
04:54god you're making me feel so maternal
04:58mama's gonna help you
05:00and i'm gonna give you some motherly advice pro bono
05:05everyone everywhere is trying to steal from you
05:10always
05:11that's not true
05:13it's not
05:15that that's my credit card
05:17i lost this last week
05:19no
05:19i stole it
05:21last week
05:24you know
05:25once we get these bad boys up and running
05:27we're gonna be drowning in quarters
05:30anything
05:30nope
05:33you know someone who's pretty good at this thing is lance
05:37i don't need help i i watch six youtube videos so
05:41well if you change your mind he would come by to help you
05:44nope thank you got this
05:45it's easy just need to
05:47ow
05:49i'm stuck
05:50violet i'm stuck i'm stuck
05:51calling lance
05:51i don't need lance
05:56see
05:57got out of there
06:02i'll just explain to him that it's just one big misunderstanding and he'll totally get that right
06:06not likely
06:07well i never signed anything so he can't force a sale
06:10uh he can
06:11okay i'll just call the cops
06:12snitches get snitches
06:13okay well how about you help me come up with some ideas then
06:16i could get you like a completely new identity i actually have a few ready to go
06:20how do you feel about the name diane
06:22next idea
06:23have you considered murder
06:26i don't know what to tell you those are my best two ideas
06:30elliot there's some npc here for you
06:31yeah bring him back
06:33do i look like your fucking secretary do it yourself
06:36oh my god bruno
06:37whoa enemy dropping in the ao
06:39i told you to wait your ass out there
06:41erin it's it's okay thanks sob
06:43you're dismissed
06:46bruno
06:47just the guy i wanted to see can i get you a drink
06:49i have uh water
06:52so uh funny
06:53um i don't think we're on the same page
06:56you see uh we don't have a deal
06:58i've decided we're not gonna sell the store
07:00yes you are
07:01we had handshake
07:03and the only thing able to remove albanian hand agreement
07:06is albanian head removal
07:08what i mean
07:09huh
07:10what bruno
07:11why do you even want this shithole
07:13bruno will level with you
07:14my family want this place to launder money
07:17oh
07:18you could not have picked a better place
07:20i mean there is literally zero foot traffic
07:23physically no sales
07:24and history of incompetent management
07:26my family want to use game bro for illegitimate business
07:31but but bruno want to use it for legitimate business
07:36i love video games
07:38i love video games
07:38shooters
07:39stabbers
07:40cutesy farm simulators
07:43all of it
07:43i i have dream
07:45to own game store
07:46no don't
07:47don't
07:47oh
07:48don't
07:49bruno
07:50don't do this to me
07:52and my brother
07:53it's our dream
07:54mostly his dream
07:55but also kind of mine too
07:56now
07:57so if you get your dream
07:59we
08:02lose ours
08:04okay
08:04i'm okay with this
08:06i want my dream and not yours
08:08yes
08:08oh no no fuck fuck
08:10no
08:11oh
08:12no
08:13oh i guess that's just the way it is
08:16huh
08:17well
08:17can you let me break it to my brother
08:19please
08:19that is acceptable
08:20you have one hour
08:22whoa
08:22that's that's not enough time
08:24he's uh
08:25i need to break it to him gently
08:26he's very sensitive
08:27i will be here until it is finished
08:29i just uh
08:30can't really have you hanging around the store
08:32then we uh should start
08:34the albanian head removal process
08:36yes
08:36ah
08:37fine
08:37that won't be necessary
08:39i will be new intern
08:41i will pretend i am here to learn how to game bro
08:44when silently i am shaking you down
08:46your employees will teach me everything i need to know
08:48and then i will fire them
08:49american dream no
08:51yeah
08:51i mean
08:52i'm not really sure how the team will buy the story
08:55that's another head shake
08:56oh my god
08:58the albanian american international employee cultural exchange
09:03i buy it
09:04i've watched enough shows on tlc to pretty much believe anything
09:07don't we have to send someone to albania
09:09i am not taking any questions right now
09:12look
09:13he just needs to learn how to work here so he can show his family how to open up a
09:16store similar to this one
09:17yes
09:18very similar to this exact store
09:20well he can squad up with zach
09:23i don't like his accent
09:25sounds russian
09:26and after the mw2 airport massacre
09:28i trust no russian
09:30happy to oblige
09:32you came at the right time my friend
09:34black friday's right around the corner
09:35and we got lots to learn
09:37oh we all have this holiday in our country also
09:41uh how many witches will we burn
09:43we will start with this one
09:44big joker this guy
09:47bruno please don't burn anyone and as for the rest of you get back to work enjoy your jobs
09:55you never know how long you laugh
09:57i don't like you
10:03but if you want to set her on fire let me know i'm down
10:06don't look at me
10:08fresh meat huh
10:09i've been waiting for an underling to come around
10:11you know in pretty much any scenario i'm a bottom
10:14but today i'm a power bottom
10:16not sure you know what that means
10:18it means i can control the depth of my penetration
10:20yep you get it
10:21but no penetration today
10:23you are my bitch
10:25and you're gonna go get me a soda
10:27fresh meat bitch
10:29fresh meat boy
10:30you are actually an intern right
10:32yes
10:33i will go fetch soda for sickly child
10:38look at us
10:39he's in the new guy
10:40what should we do next
10:41should we spank his little butt
10:44what?
10:47these things wouldn't get turned on
10:49if your mom was sitting on their face
10:51so you're calling my mom hot?
10:53what?
10:53no
10:54no
10:54you just basically said nothing could turn these things on
10:57even my mom's sitting on their face
10:59oh my god
11:01uninstall
11:02jakey boy
11:03v said you needed my help with this or
11:05uh no
11:06don't know why she called you
11:08i have everything under control
11:09dude these are some sick cabbies muchacho
11:12i haven't seen mrs muncher in years
11:13dude if you get this up and running
11:15you're drowning in quarters
11:16yeah that's what i said
11:17dope i mean must be why v likes you so much
11:19you're a reminder of me
11:21so uh you've been inside her yet
11:23what?
11:23no
11:24no
11:24we're just friends
11:26she's an employee
11:27dude i'm talking about the machines
11:29oh my gosh
11:30that is sick though you can manage to be v's friend
11:32dude i could never be friends with a chick that hot
11:34look lance
11:35i'm sorry you came all the way down here for nothing
11:37but seriously i already figured it all out
11:40i was just getting ready to plug it in now
11:41so
11:47everything turned off
11:48why are the lights off
11:50do you want to play weird as my finger
11:53hey hey hey
11:58cock blocked by a robust power grid
12:01oh hey um question while you're down here
12:06when bruno comes on
12:07do you think that he'll be cool with me going in on this money laundering thing
12:11because let me tell you what
12:13i have come into some money recently and it is dirty
12:16stop stop just stop
12:18can you just actually go
12:19you are the opposite of helpful
12:21and some of the things that you have said are very concerning
12:24you fight for your rights sweetie
12:28thanks for helping
12:29oh dude no sweat i love these things takes me back
12:32i mean anytime someone would have like a birthday party at a bowling alley or whatever
12:35i would just park my ass in the arcade
12:37honestly same
12:38favorite arcade game ever on three
12:40one two three
12:42it's a tie
12:43between time crisis two and marvel versus capcom two
12:46dude no way
12:47are we best friends
12:48i wouldn't go that far
12:50i mean that was crazy but um
12:53i guess you're not so bad
12:54dude you gotta come party with me and my boys this weekend
12:56my homie chaz loaded
12:58he's got all this banned liquor and a golden toilet you can throw up in
13:01uh yeah i'll uh i'll think about it
13:04i mean he kind of like needs a head count
13:06so
13:10yeah i've been on 13 tours
13:13and had over a hundred thousand confirmed kills
13:15what's your kd
13:16he's very impressive
13:18i have killed nine people and died zero times
13:21zero deaths
13:22bro you're a fucking beast
13:24um what are you doing
13:26this is skill-based matchmaking
13:28you don't belong in this lobby
13:30booty
13:31we will rig quarter machine to give two quarters per dollar
13:35then when they complain we say machine gave quarters
13:38did not say how many
13:40headshot biatch
13:42jake's not gonna go for that
13:44he's not jake's choice
13:45what do you mean by that
13:46bruno what are you doing
13:49jake get over here yeah
13:51peaking call me i must continue intern ruse
13:57you did just hear him say ruse and that really weird thing about jake right
14:00you are like playstation ai in the chat
14:03no one wants you here
14:05fucking leave
14:09i've done all i can this thing is fucked speaking of fucked i'm taking violet to get a smash burger
14:15you want to join
14:16uh i'm not hungry thanks
14:18okay see you at chaz's later i'll hit you up hey babe let's go smash
14:25hey bro
14:27got a sec
14:28oh wait okay you know violet's lame boyfriend he might not actually be lame and i think we might be
14:32friends
14:33that'll make it a little difficult for you to cuck him
14:36i would not portray somebody that i care about but some heartless jerk
14:40yeah good guy
14:42so what'd you want to tell me
14:44um
14:46i'm
14:46hungry
14:48oh great
14:49let's get some smash burgers
14:51oh no no you don't have to do anything
14:53you at all actually
14:55no i know
14:55hey no onions i got you man
14:57no jake you don't have to do that
15:01jake
15:07have you betrayed your game brother yet
15:11any minute
15:12he just needed to eat
15:13don't want to break his heart on an empty stomach you know
15:16but
15:17soon
15:18very soon
15:18soon is good
15:20bruno is patient man
15:28but bruno
15:29bruno is also not
15:33patient man
15:41what the fuck
15:51are you crying
15:53no
15:53just the onions on the burger
15:56there are no onions on that burger
15:58i know
15:59it's so good to me
16:02okay i don't really have the capacity for emotion elliot
16:05seriously who is that new guy
16:07he's just the new intern okay
16:08very legit
16:09okay sure
16:10i'm just gonna go ask jake
16:11no no no don't
16:12okay
16:12okay i'll tell you
16:15i accidentally sold the store to the albanian mob
16:18what
16:18it was a misunderstanding
16:19and i tried to stop it
16:21but it's the literal mafia
16:22and i've lost control of the situation
16:25and that's the truth
16:27and i haven't told jake yet
16:30wow
16:31yeah
16:32i'm fucked
16:33i'm fucking fucked
16:35yeah
16:36that's a lot
16:39actually
16:40i'm just gonna let you
16:41deal with that
16:42and i'm probably gonna just pretend like i
16:44don't know that information
16:51witch looks pissed
16:52you should burn her before black friday
16:56listen bruno
16:57about the whole albanian handshake thing
16:59not now
17:00i am on very big intern quest
17:02do you know where i find the sneezard
17:05snizzard?
17:06i need to find this sneezard
17:07and bring to pig king
17:08or else i no become real game bro
17:10zach is messing with you
17:12there's no such thing as a snizzard
17:14it's like a made-up creature
17:16it's like a prank
17:17do you know what a prank is?
17:19pig king lied to me?
17:20yeah
17:20i'll
17:21i'll talk to him
17:22he made me look like an idiot
17:24childhood
17:24you know
17:25wish i could go back
17:26are you done talking?
17:28because i called in an airstrike in the bathroom
17:29go clean it up
17:31that's bruno's job now
17:32yeah
17:33i'm not the bottom anymore
17:35i'm the power bottom
17:37well then i guess bruno should go clean up all this shit
17:40from my power bottom
17:41no
17:41whoa
17:42turn off cold-blooded you fucking creep
17:45no
17:45no
17:47maybe i didn't make myself clear
17:49you were clear
17:50i found the sneezard
17:52what?
17:53you did?
17:54the little
17:54well like lizard
17:56with the wings and the little penis
17:59i found it
18:02what the fuck is the sneezard?
18:05in our dungeon
18:06i mean it's a crawl space
18:08but in my mind it's a dungeon
18:09and that's where sassy little boys go
18:11uh so you don't want to end up down there
18:13so if i were you i'd clean the bathroom
18:17sneezard is there
18:19oh
18:19go
18:19i don't need to
18:21why are you touching me?
18:22yeah yeah i'll go down
18:23because i want to
18:25my body
18:26my choice
18:28no snizzard so
18:29this is good
18:30say hello to snizzard
18:31no no no no
18:32no one's gonna hear me
18:33it's soundproof here
18:34no
18:34now you are sassy little boy in dungeon
18:38no more lies
18:39well
18:40guess this is what my ancestors went through
18:45uh who the hell are you?
18:47that's a new intern
18:48he's got a big fat kd
18:50bruno is not intern
18:51i am boss
18:53this is my store
18:54whoa bruno
18:55man
18:56eager beaver over here
18:58am i right guys?
19:00oh man
19:00i smell a promotion
19:03just tell him
19:04jake
19:05he owns the store now
19:06elliot got in over his head
19:08and sold on the store
19:09what?
19:10holy shit
19:11we're spawn swapping
19:15i fucked it
19:16um in his defense
19:18he was actually trying
19:20to fuck you over
19:21with someone legit
19:22he didn't mean
19:23to ruin your life
19:25with the albanian mafia
19:25yeah how was that
19:26in my defense
19:27i knew you were a spy
19:30never forget
19:33no
19:33rush it
19:35yeah
19:35no
19:37i say no
19:38to you
19:39i don't care
19:40you're mafia
19:42not for sale
19:43baby baby
19:43i see what you're doing
19:44i would hold off
19:45on the big dick energy
19:46until you've heard the alternative
19:48because it is beheaded
19:49it is done deal
19:51this is mine
19:53and death
19:55and death
19:58you betrayed me
19:59game bro
20:01slaughtered your dream
20:02to make way
20:03to make way
20:03for mine
20:03so now
20:04your dream
20:06is my dream
20:08and so is this
20:09and death
20:11and this is mine
20:13can i go along with it
20:14that's mine
20:16everything was going so well
20:18yes
20:18we had the whole
20:19retro thing going for us
20:21yes
20:21i made a friend today
20:23this is mine
20:23i was supposed to puke in
20:25the gold toilet
20:26at chas's house
20:27wait you know chas
20:28this is mine
20:30this is mine
20:33you have to do something
20:34stop him
20:35dude
20:35i've tried
20:37there's nothing
20:39oh
20:40that's gonna buck his kd
20:42well that'll work
20:42holy shit
20:43the gang gave him a seizure
20:48jake wait
20:51come on
20:55jake
21:00jake
21:01jake
21:02what do you want to do
21:03you want to fight me
21:05i i won't fight back
21:06you can just have at it
21:07yes elliot
21:07i want to beat the shit
21:08out of you
21:09okay
21:10but every time i turn to my
21:11little brother in his place
21:12being a dick
21:13somehow i get in trouble
21:14or i get hurt
21:15well it's because you fight
21:16like a toddler
21:16i don't care okay
21:18look
21:18i thought this was gonna
21:19bring us closer
21:20i know
21:20i get it
21:21i suck
21:21i'm a terrible brother
21:22i know i should have
21:23told you about this
21:24and that was stupid
21:25but i really thought
21:27we could make this work
21:27we still can
21:28i'm not giving up
21:31if you two are done
21:32giving each other blumpkins
21:33you should get your asses
21:35in here
21:35you're never gonna believe
21:36this shit
21:37oh no no
21:38pobrecito
21:39no es cierto muchacho
21:41es una tonterÃa
21:42si soy un chico tonto
21:46he woke up speaking
21:47spanish
21:47and remembers nothing
21:49why am i not surprised
21:50that lacy speaks spanish
21:51she told him he was a
21:52customer who passed out
21:53in our store
21:53and we've never met him
21:55bro you called in
21:56a fucking nuke
21:58with that trash arcade
21:59it's a fucking sign dude
22:00a good one
22:00aren't you glad
22:01i work here
22:02you don't work here
22:04fuck yes
22:06top of the leaderboard
22:24what the fuck is that
22:28no
22:29no
22:30no
22:31no
22:34guys
22:34guys
22:36die
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