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00:00Open the register or I start shooting.
00:03Are you peeing your pants?
00:04Yes. It's my reaction of fear.
00:06When I'm scared, I urinate until my bladder's empty.
00:09That's why I'm no longer allowed at the AMC.
00:11What?
00:12Well, this is the longest robbery I've ever been at.
00:14How about you guys?
00:15Trying to be a fucking hero, bro?
00:19We need a hero.
00:21No, no. Go. Go.
00:23To die in battle is all I've ever truly craved.
00:25Tonight, we all die heroes.
00:30Ah, shit.
00:36Hey, Bruno.
00:38Yeah, good to hear from me too, man.
00:39Listen.
00:41Yes, I'll say hi to Lacey for you.
00:43So, about the sale...
00:46Well, you know, I thought I said I wasn't necessarily sure if I...
00:52I mean, you've got to make it sound like I don't have a choice.
00:57Oh, now that sounds like a threat.
01:01Oh, man.
01:02Dude!
01:04I have to show you this?
01:05Violet ran the numbers.
01:06We made money.
01:08Wow. Good.
01:09Listen, man.
01:11I don't know if you know this, but I don't think anyone would blame us if we decided to sell
01:16this place.
01:16I can set up some interviews, see if there's anybody who's interested.
01:20Maybe somebody with cash?
01:21No.
01:22Maybe there's a world where I did take a meeting with someone and, hypothetically, things started to escalate quickly.
01:30Don't friggin' do that.
01:31Because we got the big tournament this weekend, right?
01:33It's gonna be great, okay?
01:34And Violet did a great job at the online store.
01:36Gross, dude. Put your boner away.
01:38I don't have a frickin' boner, Elliot, okay?
01:40And I respect Violet's mind.
01:41I don't know.
01:42Kinda seems like it's time for a boner check.
01:45No. Stop.
01:46Elliot, it's not.
01:46Stop.
01:47I don't have a boner, Elliot.
01:48Boner alert.
01:49Boner alert.
01:49A boner check!
01:51Give me that dick, boy!
01:53Elliot!
01:53Come here!
01:54I'm a frickin' boner, dude!
01:55Get off of me!
01:57Give me your boner, Elliot!
02:02Hey, Violet.
02:04We're just going over co-boner stuff.
02:08I have three brothers.
02:10I've never seen them interested in each other's boners.
02:12Well, it's not just brothers.
02:13It's, like, friends, too.
02:14We check everybody's boners.
02:15I check your boner, too, if you want me to.
02:17You really gonna do that?
02:19No.
02:19I don't want to do that.
02:21Cool.
02:22So, everyone has questions about the tournament this weekend
02:24whenever this is done.
02:28Great, thanks.
02:28Elliot.
02:32Boner check!
02:33Stop!
03:01No.
03:03God, no.
03:04You know.
03:05You don't need those apps if you're looking for a 1v1 quickie.
03:08Quickie?
03:10Your dick takes longer to get hard than COD takes to download.
03:13Heads up, the brothers are being real weird today.
03:16Okay, are you good to tell them that they all have to stay late tonight?
03:19Because you can't cave on this.
03:21Yeah.
03:22Yeah, I won't cave.
03:24Pretty good.
03:24You want a good cop back up?
03:25That's a good idea.
03:27But I won't back up.
03:29Everyone needs to know that I'm a scary boss, and I demand respect.
03:31I just don't think that that's gonna go-
03:33Circle up!
03:34Oh, okay, and we're doing it.
03:39Where's Zack?
03:41Zack and he shan't be joining us tonight.
03:43But fear not, for Snoutis, king of the hog goblins, is here.
03:47What the fuck?
03:49Yeah, I forgot he's got his LARPing thing tonight.
03:51Indeed.
03:51Tonight, the king of pigs shall paint the grass of Woodbridge Park Ranger
03:55with the blood of his foes.
03:58Hey, bad cop.
03:59You wanna step in here?
04:00Yeah.
04:01Uh, Zack.
04:02Hey, man.
04:02Listen, I'm gonna need you to stay tonight.
04:04We had a lot more people join for the weekend tournament.
04:06It's gonna be kind of big, so-
04:07Nay, nay.
04:08The Empire of Pigs will crumble without their king.
04:11Zack!
04:11I'm gonna-
04:14Gonna need you to please take the mask off.
04:16Oh.
04:26Damn.
04:27But I will be staying in character and taking my early reprieve.
04:30Yeah, I have a conflict, too.
04:32It's Lance and I's anniversary, and I- I told you guys about this.
04:34Ha!
04:35Skip that shit.
04:37That guy sucks.
04:38Lacey.
04:39What?
04:39Sorry.
04:40I mean, I call him like I see him.
04:41And every time I see him, he's drinking a prime energy drink
04:45and talking about his fantasy football team.
04:47Jake, I told you guys about this.
04:48Uh, yeah, you did say that.
04:50And then it's fine.
04:50I definitely want you to go celebrate with your boyfriend.
04:53Bullshit!
04:54You said we were gonna be beasting all night.
04:56You can't let this bitch call last game.
04:58Bro.
04:58If anybody gets to quit the game early, it's me.
05:01I've been putting up the numbers.
05:02I've been fucking working overtime.
05:04Staying late to play free games is not overtime.
05:06Yo, eat a dick, narc.
05:08Nobody cares about your mouth queefs.
05:11Back off.
05:12I'm gonna need you to shut this shit down.
05:14You know what? Everybody shut up!
05:21You guys don't listen to what my brother and I say.
05:24When we say it, I will be very, very disappointed.
05:32That was fucking hilarious.
05:34I told you this whole bad cop thing wasn't gonna work out.
05:36I don't see any good copping happening right now, Elliot.
05:38Because there's nothing good here!
05:40All they do is fucking complain and make shit harder for us!
05:43Your mom likes it harder!
05:45And they don't respect us.
05:47They think they deserve a fucking pizza party
05:49after making a couple of dollars one day!
05:52Pizza party would actually be great.
05:54Lacey, you don't work here.
05:57I would like a pizza party.
05:59What the fuck?
06:00Fuck yes! A pizza party!
06:02Let's get your mom, a.k.a. a deep dish meat lovers.
06:05No, no, no! No pizza party!
06:07What?! Stop gaslighting us!
06:09You know what? These are officially unfair working conditions.
06:12Lacey, you do not work here!
06:16I identify as an employee.
06:18Are we not to celebrate?
06:19T'was the gift already promised.
06:21Let me make this clear.
06:22If we spend the few dollars we made on pizza,
06:25then we have no dollars!
06:27Does that make sense?
06:28I mean, what's the point of making money if we can't have a pizza party?
06:30Jake, I don't know why you're arguing with me.
06:32You can have pizza.
06:33You're the boss.
06:34They can't have pizza!
06:36Perhaps a parlay is in order, fellows.
06:38Bro, are your parents fucking related?
06:40Yes.
06:41Enough with the saying shit like that.
06:43You two, come back to reality.
06:45Dude, they're just having fun.
06:46You should try it.
06:46No!
06:47No fun!
06:49Everybody stays late.
06:50Nobody leaves early.
06:52Unless you'd like to leave now, for good!
06:56That was really good, bad copping, Elliot.
06:58Shut the fuck up.
06:59No one move.
07:00It's a quick bone.
07:01Quick owner meeting, okay?
07:03Elliot!
07:08Mute me time.
07:09We've been top of the leaderboard every day, and now they want to hack our servers to make us stay
07:13late and starve?
07:14We're not gonna starve.
07:15Mute it or boot it, bitch.
07:17We all know Jake will call him whatever kill streak you asked for.
07:19We are the bosses, Jake.
07:22Right now, they have no boundaries.
07:23They expect us to cave every time they want to fuck their boyfriends or dress like a pig in the
07:27park.
07:28I didn't get the night off either.
07:29Oh, and you seem so torn up about not seeing your boyfriend.
07:32You're full of shit!
07:33It's okay if you made him up, Violet.
07:34We all do that.
07:36I'm gonna go work so I can try to get off at a decent time.
07:39Have a nice mutiny.
07:41Have fun being a team killer!
07:44Otherwise, we're gonna have to sell this place.
07:45Which is still on the table if it is an option that you would like to explore.
07:51I know it's not an option I want to explore, okay?
07:53Look, you're right, okay?
07:56I can do it.
07:57I say we let the FBI do our dirty work.
07:59I could plant some nasty shit on their computer.
08:02What?
08:02Where are you gonna get it?
08:03The dark web?
08:04No, my computer.
08:05Just listen to my call-outs, alright?
08:07Objective A is the pizza party.
08:09And once we get that, we move to Objective B, which is getting us all raises.
08:12And then Objective C is getting them to allow us to have sex in the store again.
08:15Never gonna happen.
08:16Oh, I think he meant me.
08:17What the fuck on me?!
08:19Sure you can do this?
08:20Yes.
08:24I'm going with Elliot.
08:25These tournaments are too important.
08:27We're all staying late tonight.
08:28Well, good luck with that.
08:29Because we're on strike until our demands are met.
08:32What demands?
08:33Pizza party!
08:34$6!
08:35I mean, pizza party.
08:36No, pizza parties, okay?
08:38We came here to work.
08:39That's what we're gonna do.
08:40If you don't want to work, you can leave now.
08:43I marked him.
08:44Go for Jake!
08:45Sorry, Aaron.
08:46Um, I really need this job.
08:48My mom just cut off my allowance.
08:49And, well, that pig mask costs me $600.
08:51I know a sinking ship when I see one.
08:53Peace.
08:54Fuck this!
08:55You rage quitters!
08:57And you two.
08:58What?
08:59We have small dicks.
09:00Yes!
09:01You do!
09:02And you suck!
09:04Fuck this!
09:05I'm taking a mental health day.
09:07What?
09:08Can he do that?
09:09Um, yes.
09:10He can.
09:11He hasn't used up any of those yet.
09:12I'm gonna take a mental health day.
09:14Nope.
09:14You used up all yours last weekend.
09:16What, dude?
09:16I was literally in the mental hospital.
09:18You used your days!
09:20Right, Jake?
09:22Sorry, Zach.
09:23Tough love.
09:37Does anyone know how to open the register?
09:39You gotta karate chop it.
09:40You want me to karate chop the register to open it?
09:43Yeah, karate chop it.
09:44Just chop it right in the sweet spot.
09:46Slap that hoe like she owe you money.
09:49Okay.
09:49Lacey, what did we say about talking like that?
09:52That I'm letting down females everywhere.
09:53I'm really sorry.
09:57Hey!
09:59Nobody uses cash anymore.
10:01Right.
10:02Right.
10:03Right.
10:03Let's just make this happen by 3 p.m.
10:05Okay.
10:06Oh, my God.
10:07Hey, babe.
10:08I'm trying to get this deal pushed through.
10:10I'm about to get Caleb Williams for a second string tight end.
10:12Are you kidding me?
10:13Oh, my God.
10:14You didn't go through that phase in college?
10:17Huh?
10:20Nothing.
10:22Bye.
10:24Fucking sucks.
10:25Thanks.
10:26We actually have to set up for this big tournament we're doing this weekend.
10:29So...
10:30Yeah.
10:30Sorry about that.
10:31Your plan sounded really nice, though.
10:33Yeah.
10:33Violet was going to cook for us.
10:35Oh, she's great at it, too.
10:36Yeah.
10:36Except I sit there like a dog and beg while she's cooking naked.
10:41Roo-roo!
10:42Feed me the scraps!
10:44Okay.
10:45I don't think he needs to hear all of the details.
10:48Um, well, hey, don't worry about it.
10:50Like, me and the boys, we'll just go rip skee-ball at Dave and Buster's, you know?
10:52Oh, and they asked me earlier, but I said I couldn't, right?
10:55Girlfriend stuff to do, so...
10:56But if you're busy now, then we can both win.
10:59Yeah.
10:59Feeling like a winner right now.
11:00I'll bring you home some buffalo mac and cheese, too.
11:02You can feed it to me.
11:04Earmuffs.
11:06Uh, we could still have anniversary sex later, right?
11:15Yep.
11:16Oh, hell yeah!
11:19I'm obsessed with this girl!
11:20I want everybody to know that!
11:22All right, good luck with all the work stuff!
11:27So you like to cook?
11:29Dude, uh...
11:45Minions?
11:47Oh!
11:48Oh, God!
11:52Still bummed you're missing your nerd orgy tonight?
11:55Yes.
11:55Wait.
11:56How did you know about the post-war festival of flesh?
11:59You think I haven't dabbled in a little dick from the dork side?
12:03These things only happen like three times a year, and it's important to me.
12:06It's the only time you ever get your little pigtail wet.
12:10All I can say is it's good to be the king.
12:13But also, in the real world, everyone ignores me or offers their unfavorable opinion of my physical appearance.
12:19I stopped listening.
12:21Did our little chat help you at all?
12:23No.
12:24I'm so glad.
12:29Nobody fucking move!
12:32Ahh!
12:50Hands in the fucking air!
12:57put the money in that bag uh we we don't have anything we we had a soft opening and and
13:03no
13:03no one uses cash shut up bro let this happen robbery is covered under insurance we could
13:09make a lot of money what i said shut the fuck up open the register or i start shooting okay
13:16okay
13:16i'm just gonna go for the register you want the karate chop karate chop you're trying to be a hero
13:29bro
13:29nope okay hold on open that shit dude now wish i could man the fuck is this shit you're being
13:39robbed
13:40get down on the ground i only get on the ground for a tactical slide or when i'm on zach's
13:44mom
13:44mother would never allow it
13:51Aaron he's got a gun yeah Aaron do you want to get shot
13:59whoa whoa back up do what he says don't be a hero oh my god did everyone forget to put
14:06their tampons
14:07in today do you want to fuck around i'll fuck around and find out you have a usb that is
14:13the
14:13micropenis of pistols takes like 15 shots to down someone with that piece of shit and your dumbass
14:19didn't even add attachments who is this guy oh shit hostage attack
14:25get off of me looks like i'm the high value target now motherfucker dude give it back you should have
14:36put a suppressor on this or at least gone dual pistols akimbo style this gun you picked it has the
14:41worst
14:41hip fire accuracy ever heard of a desert eagle fucking noob yeah Aaron get out of here from
14:47call the cops man but take some things on your way out shut up limp dick what are you doing
14:52i'm
14:53surprised you even spoke without asking your baby brother if you were allowed to why are you pointing
14:57that at us you idiot you shut up too well my brother brought me a video game store my life
15:04sucks oh we're
15:05having magic tournaments now and we're canceling pizza parties i'll point the gun at whoever i want
15:11because guess what motherfucker i'm the captain now wow even in situations like this you can't
15:17stop being delusional you just pissed off the wrong 20th prestige asshole what are you doing
15:25that's what you get for crying like a baby bitch baby bitch uh give me the fucking cash and i'll
15:31get
15:31the fuck out of here yeah give them the fucking cash and give me that rcxd what we're capturing your
15:37flag co-op style now give me that fucking rcxd open the fucking register so i can get away from
15:44you
15:44psychos do it it's really hard to get on alone could you just pull the skin down do you really
15:50need to be the pig king right now ah draw the fire away from us my poor baby mommy's got
15:56you
15:57thank you mommy
16:07do it wow i told you we don't have anything
16:11then just give me the the v box right there on the wall okay all of them over here now
16:17all the
16:17cards right here give them to me nobody is getting shit until i get that rcxd uh yes battle ready
16:25this
16:25thing has boobs no those are mine there now can you come back to our side first off once the
16:34match has
16:34started you can't switch sides second you took too long lag i decided i want more this is
16:41about you bitch are you getting your loot or not cover my six and shut the fuck up what is
16:47this
16:47your first fucking robbery no not mine either and i want a raise hell no not gonna happen
16:53you freaks have issues bitch back me up he's one shot fine give him a raise give him a raise
17:0220% fine no 10% 17% 10% elliot 15 no 10%
17:19is that piss
17:24yes you took that finishing move like a fucking champ oh thank you dude
17:29okay is this robbery over now no not until you agree to throw us a fucking pizza party i stand
17:35with
17:35it and pizza or death i did not want to be a part of this but i do think we
17:39deserve a pizza party at
17:40this point fine zach can go to his nerd orgy wait it was an orgy and viola could go to
17:45her anniversary
17:46jake what the fuck you know what actually he's already at dave and buster's with the boys doing
17:50skeeball so on your anniversary that guy sucks boom what did i say even he thinks he's a loser they
17:56can
17:56smell their own i get it lance is a moron but sex was really good okay can we get back
18:02to the robbery
18:02please i already captured the hard point headshot i felt the weight of your gun
18:07it's not loaded noob you strike the king you better kill the king
18:22no really officers thank you so much we really appreciate all your help i sure hope we can recover
18:28all of those expensive expensive games be sure to file that insurance claim asap no really guys
18:35have a good night this is way better than dave and buster's i mean what happened to nerf
18:40ah it's fine it happens like three times a year objective secured you still eat your pizza like
18:46that save the best for last yeah you do listen man this place isn't making enough to make sense
18:54i know i think it's him i just need your help i'm trying man
19:03go talk to her think i should yeah oh but before you do bonus check
19:26hey yo bro you were a pro in there anytime you don't know fucking ground
19:32here's your rcxd as payment yes yes yes thank you very much hey i'm gonna head home and uh hop
19:39online for some tdm you want to join oh no i gotta fucking eat pizza with these losers
19:43oh okay i'll see you later bro oh all right yeah have a slice for me
19:52boo oh my god what the give me the fucking car here here here here here
19:59thank y'all
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