- 44 minutes ago
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00:01I just bought a game store. It's a perfect idea.
00:06Hey, I took Dad's money and...
00:08Elliot! Alright, you came!
00:11Don't make me regret it.
00:12I won't. I promise.
00:14Okay, so what is this? You need me to buy you drugs or something?
00:17No, nothing like that.
00:20Here, I got you coffee.
00:21This doesn't make up for what happened.
00:24It's good, though.
00:26But I'm still mad.
00:28I know. And look, I know it's been emotional since the passing of our father and...
00:31Oh, I could give a shit that he died. He was dead to me my whole life.
00:34I'm pissed he put you in charge of all the money he left us.
00:36Okay, okay. Well, drink that coffee because that is why we are here, okay?
00:41Elliot, what are your two favorite things?
00:43Strippers and blackjack.
00:44No, your two wholesome favorite things.
00:47Bikinis and Uno?
00:49Never mind. I have a surprise for you through that door.
00:53Oh, is there a car in there?
00:55Jakey, you didn't.
00:56No, I didn't. This is better than a car, man, all right?
00:59You will not regret this.
01:01Okay, just up here.
01:03Okay, right about here.
01:05Keep them close. Don't move.
01:10Surprise.
01:11Yeah, what is this?
01:12This is our game store.
01:13I bought it.
01:15No.
01:16Dude, remember, your two favorite things are video games and money.
01:19Video games aren't even in the top ten.
01:22OnlyFans, IPAs, fucking paperclips come before video games.
01:26And as for the money, we had money, but it looks like you took some of that money and dumped
01:30it into this place, and now I have less money.
01:32I did spend some.
01:36Almost all of it, but...
01:38Yeah, for our dreams. Come on, man.
01:39You mean the dreams that we had when we were children?
01:42Yes.
01:42When I was a child, I stuck my dick between two pillows and thought that was a dream come true.
01:46This is fucking stupid, dude.
01:48It's great. I mean, look, there's...
01:50Over here, look, there's merchandise, right?
01:51I mean, you got merch, right?
01:53Merchandise.
01:54And then we got infrastructure.
01:56Yeah?
01:57And then we have an established customer base here.
02:00Can I put them in here?
02:01No!
02:02See? This is what I'm talking about.
02:04Nobody goes to stores unless it's to take a shit.
02:06So what?
02:07We bring people back to video game stores. That's the goal.
02:09Oh, should we also get a blockbuster and get people to rent VHSs again?
02:13What are you thinking, Jake?
02:15This isn't going to be a blockbuster, okay?
02:17The game is a billion-dollar industry.
02:18This is not the part that makes billions.
02:20It's going to be great.
02:21No, what's great is strippers and blackjack.
02:24This isn't great. This sucks.
02:26This is good.
02:28This sucks!
02:37What is that smell?
02:40You've got to let me inside you.
02:42Should I leave you two alone?
02:45Did the realtor not give you the code to the safe?
02:47Realtor?
02:49It's empty.
02:50You know, I just figured we could put the cash and stuff in.
02:52Nobody uses cash anymore, Jake.
02:53The only thing you're going to be using that safe for is hiding yourself inside when I come to kill
02:57you.
02:58Come on, man.
02:59Ever since we embarked on this business adventure, you've been so homicidal.
03:02Dude, look at these ledgers.
03:04The previous owner was either a six-year-old or a serial killer.
03:09Where did you find this dump?
03:10Facebook Marketplace?
03:13Why? Is that good?
03:15Jake.
03:18Jake.
03:19Please, God, tell me you did not buy a business on Facebook.
03:22Facebook Marketplace is a very reliable source, Elliot.
03:25I mean, I've had plenty of experience with it.
03:28How were we raised by the same mom?
03:29Elliot, come on, man.
03:31You're missing out on the full potential of this place.
03:33It's great.
03:35Stop looking around like every corner is going to have all these horrors sticking up.
03:38Objective secure!
03:43Who the fuck are you and what are you doing in my store?
03:46Your store?
03:47This is my store.
03:48I bought this place fair and square.
03:49I mean, unless you want to contest the sale and be the owner, in that case, we will take our
03:53money and be on our way.
03:54Own this place?
03:55Do I look like I play Roblox?
03:58What?
03:59Do I look like a whiny bitch who likes to waste money?
04:02I would never want to own this money pit.
04:04Then why are you here?
04:05Because I work here, bitch.
04:07And if you try and boot me out of this lobby, I will report your ass.
04:10Uh, do you have a resume?
04:13Do I have a resume?
04:14Here's my fucking resume.
04:16I have a 3.2 KD.
04:17I've hit master prestige in every cot since Modern Warfare.
04:21I eat noobs like your fat mom eats dick.
04:24I'm an alpha and sigma.
04:26I'm the entire fucking Greek alphabet.
04:28I don't play games.
04:29I dominate them.
04:31What the fuck?
04:32A 3.2 KD.
04:34That's pretty impressive.
04:36You know, we need a KD in sales.
04:38Like, so like, um, like, like an SD.
04:41SD.
04:42Suck dick.
04:43Why are you making jokes?
04:44You're not the funny one.
04:45Or the smart one.
04:46I'm just...
04:47Or the handsome one.
04:47Or the well-dressed one.
04:48I'm just saying we need a salesperson.
04:50You don't know what you need.
04:51Did you see Wallace's books?
04:53Could you read that shit?
04:54No, you couldn't read that shit.
04:55Because he writes in pictures.
04:56He was illiterate.
04:57Well, that makes a lot of sense.
04:58Yeah.
04:59But I can decode those.
05:00We don't even need the ledgers.
05:03Please don't send me to the gulag.
05:06I, I know, I know how, I know the password to his computer.
05:10Well, we know the password he wrote on a post-it note.
05:14It was 1, 2, 3, 4.
05:17Alright, you know what?
05:18You need me in your squad, okay?
05:19The gamers in this town, they respect me.
05:22Alright?
05:22If I say someone's one shot, they know that motherfucker is one shot.
05:26If I tell a stupid little kid, don't buy that fucking game, then he's not gonna buy that game.
05:31Yeah, sorry.
05:32Doesn't look like it's gonna work out for you, bud.
05:35This is a private chat.
05:36So how about you go buy a Fortnite skin and pretend like it makes you better?
05:41I know how to get into the safe.
05:42You're hired.
05:43Fuck yeah!
05:44No way.
05:44This guy sucks.
05:46He seems, he seems knowledgeable.
05:49You two done giving each other handjobs?
05:51Alright, fine.
05:51On a trial basis.
05:53Sick!
05:53Why don't you go sweep some floors or some shit?
05:56I don't do bitch work.
05:59I'll leave that to you bitches.
06:01Dude, seriously?
06:02What the fuck is that smell?
06:06Oh my god.
06:07Oh my god, why is there shit on the walls?
06:09Where's that guy's butthole?
06:10There's a massacre in there.
06:12Alright, I say the bathroom is out of order and we just demolish it.
06:16No, we need a bathroom.
06:17We need a bathroom.
06:18Okay, then get in there and start scraping the walls.
06:21Okay, the bathroom is temporarily out of order, okay?
06:23Yeah, that's, it's just, yeah.
06:29Lame.
06:32Lame.
06:32Hey, Aaron.
06:33Mind dumping this for me?
06:34What?
06:35No way, man.
06:36You're trash, your problem.
06:38I didn't fill that up.
06:39If you want to go off and play solo while you're in a squad, no one's going to help you.
06:43Yeah, so why do none of the games on this wall have any games in them?
06:46Because I looted them.
06:47They're at my house.
06:48What if a customer comes in and wants to buy a game that's at your house?
06:51What if they spent more time making Cod a better game instead of splooging a new one out every November?
06:56What if they banned Fortnite kids from Warzone?
06:58What if your mom stopped being a whore?
07:03Oh.
07:04Yeah, none of that's going to change and no one's ever going to come in here and buy a game.
07:08Yeah, Jake, I want to see the contract you signed when you bought this place.
07:11Uh, Jake, I'm going to need double XP weekends off.
07:15No and no, okay?
07:17We need to make this place operational.
07:19We need to hire a team.
07:21Headshot, biatch!
07:22Exactly.
07:23Yeah, we need to hire a functional squad.
07:26Like, um, you know, like a player RPG style type environment.
07:30Whoa!
07:30Don't you ever fucking say those letters again.
07:33You want to role play?
07:34Go trick or treat with the prostitute.
07:35In this lobby, the only letters we say are FPS, SMG, MBDE.
07:43Okay, yeah, sorry, I didn't...
07:45Oh, no, don't say sorry to him.
07:46You're the boss.
07:48Right, sorry.
07:49Um, I'm not sorry.
07:52I'm sorry.
07:53I'm sorry.
07:54I didn't...
07:55Dude.
07:58Grow a pair.
07:59Holy shit.
08:03Ah, video games.
08:05Greek myths for a new age.
08:06You know, gods and goddesses, monsters and men.
08:09Yet I am not immune.
08:10You see, Mario is my father and Samus is my mother and Lara Croft is my auntie.
08:16The kind of auntie you really want to bang.
08:18Uh, what was the question?
08:21Uh, we just asked what your name was.
08:23Oh, you want to know how I am known in the multiverse of the Forgotten Realms?
08:27Well...
08:27Yeah, okay, next.
08:28No, wait, I have experience.
08:30Um, I was the assistant manager at CarQuest.
08:32Oh, you know tabletop games?
08:34Do I know...
08:35Do I know them?
08:36Yeah, I know them.
08:37Does a shape-shifting druid need to roll for an inside check?
08:41I don't know.
08:43But, hey, tabletop games are huge right now.
08:45We could bring them to the store.
08:46We could host games here.
08:47It'd be great.
08:47Nope, absolutely not.
08:49Ban this, freak.
08:50The last thing we want is a bunch of cosplaying wizards overrunning this place.
08:54Do you know what they call a pack of D&D dorks?
08:57Super cool.
08:58Virgins!
08:59Okay, thank you for your feedback, Aaron.
09:01I will take that in consideration.
09:03Yeah, Aaron, get out of here.
09:05Listen, we already have one delusional gamer.
09:07We don't need two.
09:08Look, he won't sell RPGs, okay?
09:10This kid's living in an RPG.
09:11It's perfect.
09:12If the angry one won't do it, I certainly will, my liege.
09:17Wait a second.
09:18You don't think I work?
09:19I cook more than a 50s housewife.
09:21We will handle the hiring and firing fine.
09:26But one more thing.
09:30No respite!
09:30You can't do that!
09:32Looks like I can take your practice!
09:33He can't do that, right?
09:34I don't know.
09:34He looks like he kind of likes it.
09:36My name is Violet, and I don't have a resume.
09:40Oh, that's okay.
09:42Resumes are overrated.
09:47Okay, important question for you.
09:49Do you think you are a fairy?
09:51Or a tomb raider?
09:52Or living in a video game?
09:55No.
09:56Nope.
09:57Just a plain old human woman.
09:59You're not old.
10:02Or plain.
10:03Dude.
10:05Well then, tell us, human woman.
10:07Why do you want to work here?
10:08Uh, yeah.
10:09This looks like a great place to work.
10:14Okay, look.
10:14I'm broke, and the city e-scooter ran out of battery.
10:18And when I looked up, I saw you guys were hiring.
10:19So, here I am.
10:21Well, sorry.
10:21We're not a charity case.
10:23We're looking for serious employees.
10:25No, no, no, no, no, no!
10:27Hey!
10:28Bitch!
10:29Whoa!
10:30Hey.
10:33Erin?
10:34Listen here, baby dick.
10:35If you get to stay here, so do I.
10:39What are you doing to the customer?
10:41That's not a customer!
10:43That's Lacey!
10:44She's trying to ghost her way back into the game.
10:47Okay, we don't talk to customers like this.
10:49There, um, hi.
10:50Um, no one's banned from the store.
10:51Welcome to Game Bros, where we value your patronage here.
10:54I valued all over her patronage, many times.
10:56Dude.
10:57Erin.
11:00God, it's so great to see someone decent running this place.
11:04Not like Wallace.
11:04Quick question.
11:05Why are you banned?
11:07Because you kept catching me and Erin fucking in the back office.
11:10But that's never going to happen again!
11:12It might!
11:12No, it won't!
11:14Because you're a fucking asshole.
11:15I know you screwed that girl at Jiffy Lube.
11:17It was a dare!
11:18You dared yourself!
11:19I never turned down a dare!
11:23Okay, um, look.
11:27I know video games.
11:28I will work hard, and I won't have sex in the store.
11:31Beautifully said.
11:33Oh, that was a beautiful moment, bro.
11:36Well, I think that means you're hired.
11:37Can you start tomorrow?
11:38Yes.
11:38Cool.
11:39Yeah, thank you.
11:40See you.
11:40Beautiful.
11:41Yeah, see you tomorrow.
11:42Oh.
11:43Yep.
11:44Sorry, I think it's my brother's first day on planet Earth.
11:50Dude, I feel so awkward.
11:52You're beautiful.
11:53Kill me.
11:54Oh, dude.
11:55I would love to kill you, bro.
11:57So don't ask, unless you really mean it.
12:07Fuckin' hate side missions.
12:08Gotta get to the main stuff.
12:11Yeah, I'm fully aware.
12:12What the fuck is that supposed to mean?
12:14You're a selfish lover.
12:17Hi.
12:18Hello.
12:18What are you doing here?
12:20Working.
12:20But you don't work here.
12:21I work next door.
12:23So then shouldn't you go there then?
12:26Do I tell you how to do your job?
12:28Good morning, brothers.
12:30No, no, no.
12:31Please tell me you didn't invite this cum stain to our party.
12:34Listen, Aaron, is it?
12:36I know that our first meeting was terrifying
12:38and it involved physical assault,
12:40but I would like to offer you a peace offering.
12:45What the fuck is that?
12:46You're trying to tickle my balls?
12:48No, this is the feather of a dove.
12:51Since the dawn of time, they represent friendship
12:53and loyalty and love.
12:56Zach, is it?
13:01I hate your kind!
13:03If I ever see you with a feather or a 20-sided die
13:06or a card with mana on it, I will teabag you.
13:09Wow.
13:09I can see our staff meeting is going really well.
13:12Yeah, Jake wants us all to teabag them.
13:14No, no.
13:15No teabagging.
13:17My favorite, I like to drink tea, so that's fine.
13:19Oh, would you look at that?
13:19It's I Don't Give a Shit O'clock.
13:21You know when girls do it, it's actually called a taco tap.
13:25Okay, good time to end the meeting here.
13:27All right, guys, let's get this place together, please.
13:29And Lacey, since you're here, can you help?
13:31Oh, that's really cute.
13:32I actually have two clients in foils next door,
13:34so I'm just going to go.
13:36I call bathrooms.
13:41Whoa.
13:42Oh, God.
13:44Hey, it looks pretty creepy down there.
13:46You don't have to go down with me.
13:47It's so creepy.
13:49Let's go.
13:51Whoa.
13:52Take it easy, Jake.
13:53What?
13:54Not nothing.
13:59Yeah, somehow this is exactly what I expected.
14:03It was with all the mannequins.
14:05I don't know.
14:13Oh, my God.
14:15Look at this.
14:16Oh, my.
14:18It's not real.
14:19There's a cord attached to it for a video game.
14:22Wait a second.
14:22Do you know what that is?
14:24That's a duck hunt prototype gun.
14:27I remember these.
14:28Yeah, I never used them because they look like real guns.
14:31Yeah.
14:32Holy cow.
14:34Well, something like that's probably worth a couple thousand dollars.
14:37Yeah.
14:37Sweet.
14:38Oh, wow.
14:39Check this out.
14:40They got all these old SNES games in here.
14:45Ellie and I used to play these all the time when we were kids.
14:48You know what else is cool?
14:50Check this out.
14:51This is an original Atari game.
14:53Whoa.
14:53This is worth like $500.
14:55How do you know that?
14:57Well, I've been gaming my whole life,
14:58and I also went to school for Game Dev.
15:01Really?
15:02Yeah.
15:03Why do you sound so surprised?
15:05Uh, I'm not...
15:05Because I'm a woman?
15:07No.
15:07Do you think because I have a uterus I can't succeed in a testicularly dominated field?
15:10No.
15:11No.
15:12I'm just kidding.
15:14I'm kidding.
15:15Did you ever want to make your own game?
15:20Um...
15:21I didn't really want to talk about it.
15:22Oh, I'm sorry.
15:23I didn't...
15:24No.
15:25It's all good.
15:25Do I get this upstairs?
15:27Uh, yeah.
15:27Let's...
15:28Let's bring the sink up.
15:36Hey, Jake?
15:37Yeah?
15:38Can I meet with you?
15:39Sure.
15:39But whatever you want to say, you can say in front of us.
15:41Well, it's a terrible way to run a business.
15:44But...
15:44Okay.
15:46It's worse than I thought.
15:47Wallace made no money.
15:49Like, ever.
15:51Aaron, what did you do when you worked here?
15:53Get drunk and kill shit.
15:56Yeah, that's pretty much what the pictures in the ledger show.
16:00Ugh.
16:01Zach, you don't have to raise your hand, man.
16:03Uh, we could make tables and we could sell magic and D&T...
16:06Nope!
16:07We'll be up to Violet's tits and neckbeards.
16:09That is the last time you talk about my tits or you'll be the first person I get canceled.
16:13Oh, we could set up tabletop tournaments on the weekends and charge a cover.
16:17Zach, that's a great idea.
16:18We should do video game tournaments.
16:20It's also a great idea.
16:21We can do both because weekend events bring in a lot of cash.
16:24Yeah, okay, but what about the weekdays?
16:26So far, the only customers we have in here are psychos who work next door and come in here and
16:31play games for free.
16:32Okay, Ruth.
16:32What the hell?
16:34Look, I use your IP addresses every single time that I'm downloading...
16:41What?
16:42None of your business.
16:44That's concerning.
16:47We could charge for the gaming lounge.
16:49Yes, genius.
16:50You fucking team killer!
16:52You fucking bitch!
16:54I'm sorry, whose side are you on?
16:56Okay, we're not charging for the game lounge, okay?
16:59Thank God.
17:01Elliot, you know why we can't charge for the game lounge?
17:03Oh, because you hate fucking money?
17:06Brothers, I feel you, man.
17:08My brother's the worst.
17:10He's 14 and he beats me up.
17:12Like, 14 is a violent, violent age.
17:15You really want this door full of freaks like this?
17:18You know what?
17:19I'm sick and tired of this, mister.
17:21I know I seem all cool and nonchalant, but you press me, mister.
17:25I am now chalant.
17:33Okay, you know what?
17:34Everyone, just go.
17:35Gladly.
17:36I have rage in me.
17:39Zach, go.
17:51Hey, I'm gonna close up.
17:56Fairy Fights.
17:58What?
18:00That's the name of my game.
18:03Yeah, it combines my two favorite things.
18:06Tinkerbell and UFC.
18:08Okay.
18:09And it's in AR.
18:10It's augmented reality, so they beat the shit out of each other right in front of you on your coffee
18:15table or your kitchen counter.
18:18Why didn't you want to talk about this?
18:21I've been working on it for years, and I don't know.
18:26What if I finish it and no one likes it?
18:28Yeah, but you have to try.
18:29I mean, look at me.
18:31As I look at you, you're literally failing, so...
18:34Okay, I have many weeks of failing before I become a complete failure, so, you know.
18:37Yeah, that's true.
18:38Yeah.
18:39And speaking of that, I do have to set this place up, and I'm probably gonna have to pull an
18:45all-nighter now, so...
18:47Yeah.
18:48I'll help you.
18:48Really?
18:50All-nighter.
19:09Oh.
19:13This is beast.
19:15Whoa.
19:18Wait.
19:22You smell that?
19:27Smells like sex in here.
19:37Hey.
19:38Did you do fuck?
19:40No.
19:43Lame.
19:53What the fuck is this shit?
19:56Look, I gotta make this place work.
19:58I figured out how to make this place work.
20:00We torch it for the insurance.
20:02Hey, are you guys open?
20:03Hi, yeah.
20:04Come on in.
20:04M'lady, would you like to have an RPG or perhaps a card game?
20:12Games!
20:13Oh, no, David.
20:14That costs money, baby.
20:15Hey, baby.
20:18Yo.
20:20Are you an FPS male for...
20:23Woo-hoo!
20:24Dude.
20:26What?
20:28Jake, don't do it.
20:32No.
20:42hey hey so that was that was that was weird oh yeah what lacy said yeah i mean she's just
20:52the craziest things yeah we because we would never babe this is your job i didn't know game
21:00stores are even around this is so fucking sick this is jake he owns a place hey hey didn't know
21:08he existed yeah it's uh nice to meet you too buddy you want to go get some boba yes is
21:16that
21:16cool is that cool to you yeah totally cool all right yeah see ya
21:25you know you shouldn't knock tabletop until you've rocked tabletop look shithead you stay
21:35on your side of the store i'll stay on my side of the store or i will nuke your ass
21:39until you cry
21:40oh i would cry immediately leave
21:47i freaking hate you dude
21:56maybe i died and went to hell we did it jake we didn't do shit we cleaned up
22:02come on bro it's gonna be great lines of people sales money in that safe customers lining up at
22:11the door it's gonna be amazing elliot elliot where are you going
22:25so
22:34so
22:36so
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