- 44 minutes ago
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00:04Dude, we have not had a single customer come in in days.
00:07Doesn't matter.
00:08I printed posters promoting the Call Warrior team release.
00:10We're going to be so flooded with customers, I'm going to beat them off.
00:13Dude, freezing.
00:14Look, I think this will get the people talking.
00:16But will they be saying nice things?
00:19I printed a hundred of these.
00:20I'm going to go all around town, get the team ready.
00:23Calling our employees a team is a stretch.
00:25We didn't exactly assemble the Avengers.
00:28How about we make you a Five Eyes?
00:30I'm so sorry, Lacey.
00:31I will never get streak cheese again.
00:33You want to suck on mommy's clock?
00:34No.
00:35Shoot him!
00:37Relax.
00:38That's the prototype duck hunt gun.
00:40It looks super real.
00:41You mean that prototype gun?
00:45Lacey?
01:14Okay, guys.
01:15Last week, in the past.
01:17That was our soft launch.
01:18Now, it's time to get hard.
01:21Oh, on it.
01:22No, Zach.
01:23Dude.
01:24Freezing.
01:25Okay, everybody hands where I can see them.
01:26Oh, I don't need hands.
01:28God, I love working here.
01:30You don't work here.
01:31I'm going to need to take this week off.
01:33Call of War 18 comes out, and I'm going to be at the Bakersfield game spot.
01:36They throw the sickest midnight release parties ever!
01:39Okay, Aaron, we are actually doing our own launch party for Call of War, so it's going to be a
01:44huge night.
01:44I need all hands on deck.
01:45However, if this hard opening is a flop, we are one step closer to having this ugly little nightmare be
01:52behind us.
01:52Oh, come on.
01:53Get with it.
01:54Whenever we were kids, we'd sit out with mom for all the releases.
01:58Oh, it was so fun.
01:59There'd be lines of people down the block.
02:01Yeah, 20 years ago.
02:03Now there's this little thing called the Internet.
02:05It's a worldwide web where people do everything.
02:08Nobody goes to stores anymore, Jake.
02:10It's true.
02:10I pre-ordered Call of War online.
02:12But I'm going to return it so I can buy it from here.
02:17Well, that's just awesome.
02:18I'll let you and your crack team get back to it.
02:20But by crack, I mean the kind you smoke.
02:23Nobody smokes crack anymore, Boomer.
02:26It's all about that fancy.
02:28How are you still alive?
02:29Guys, if we build it, they will come.
02:32Who's about to come?
02:33No.
02:33Oh, fuck yes.
02:34Is this a sex party thing?
02:36Because I'll blow off the GameStop party for that, for sure.
02:38And I went ahead and got hard when Jake asked, so I'm ready to...
02:41It's not a sex thing, okay?
02:43It's from a movie.
02:45Lame.
02:48This place is a disaster.
02:53Why won't you let me play Call of War with you?
02:55All right, gang, let's bring it in.
02:57It used to be the most realistic shooter out there, and now you have Stewie Griffin with
03:01a pink assault rifle doing the fucking gritty.
03:03How's that my fault?
03:04What was the last skin you bought?
03:05Oh, Optimus Prime.
03:06It was so cool.
03:07See?
03:07You elf fuckers ruined it.
03:09Oh, I would love to lay with an elven woman and explore her immortal curves.
03:13I need a rope and a stool.
03:15Aaron, you're going to love this.
03:17Don't act like you know me, bitch.
03:19I outrank you in every way possible.
03:21Katie, intelligence.
03:23Most definitely dick size.
03:24Check your friends list, fuck stick.
03:26I'm not on it.
03:27Okay, thank you for that.
03:28No, I just wanted to tell you that I spoke to your buddy at the GameSpot in Bakersfield.
03:33Oh, bet.
03:34Yeah, manager to manager.
03:36You know, he helped me figure out a good way to start a successful launch party.
03:40Let me guess, Glenn told you to get fucked, right?
03:42He hates everybody.
03:43That's why I love that dude.
03:44No, Aaron, fun fact.
03:45People actually like me.
03:47Glenn and I hit it off.
03:49Game recognized game.
03:54Anyway, first thing for a successful launch party, cleanliness.
03:59Guys, we got to do a better job cleaning up after ourselves, okay?
04:02I mean, I literally see chip bags everywhere we go, okay?
04:05I mean, there's chip bags on the floor right now.
04:07You just threw that over there.
04:08Did you just?
04:09Oh, Jake, I like that plan.
04:11Yeah, make her clean it up just because she's a woman.
04:13I would have picked it up, but now it's a whole thing.
04:15Okay, no, you know what?
04:15I get it.
04:16I'll just get it later.
04:17Moving on.
04:17Next, unbeatable.
04:19We, we need to be the best.
04:21The best, right?
04:22And that starts with unbeatable prices.
04:24Our prices are fixed, so, uh, maybe unbeatable service?
04:28Oh, at the card game store I used to work at, my manager would have us do a little customer
04:32interaction role play so we could have top-notch service.
04:34Of course you nerds fucking LARPed your day job.
04:38I actually love that.
04:39Zach, that's great.
04:40All right?
04:40Moving on.
04:41Number three?
04:43Nuts.
04:44He said nuts?
04:45Yeah, um, I don't, I don't actually know what he meant by that.
04:48These nuts?
04:49That's what he meant by that.
04:50Uh, and last?
04:56Teamwork.
04:57Oh my fucking God, this is so good.
05:00Oh my God, this is better than getting the kill cam in a hardcore TDM.
05:02Don't you fucking ruin this moment for me.
05:05Jake, that's an acronym.
05:07Is it?
05:08I always pronounce it cunt.
05:10Oh my God, you fucking loser.
05:14Jake, I think you should end this meeting.
05:17Everyone go clean.
05:18Let's make this cunt sparkle.
05:24Elliot!
05:25What's up, fucker?
05:26Man, you look good, man.
05:28When's the last time I saw you?
05:29Wasn't it, uh, that night at Craig's where we dared him to snort coke up his butt?
05:33I don't think I was there for that.
05:36Wasn't really my scene.
05:38Right, right.
05:39You're like, hey guys, don't do that.
05:40It'll kill you.
05:42Yeah, such a square.
05:44How is Craig, by the way?
05:45Dead.
05:46Yeah, yeah.
05:48He died from all that butt cocaine.
05:50Sorry, one sec, man.
05:52Hey, shut the fuck up!
05:53What's going on in there?
05:54You know what I'm doing in here?
05:55I'm working.
05:56All right?
05:57Do you like this house?
05:58Do you like eating?
05:59Well, guess how that shit happens?
06:00Hey!
06:01So quiet!
06:04Sorry, man.
06:05My family sucks!
06:07Just kidding, man.
06:08Man, I love my family.
06:09I do.
06:10I love my family.
06:10I do.
06:12I love my family.
06:14So anyway, man.
06:15Look.
06:15I saw your email.
06:16What a bitch move by Jake.
06:17I know, right?
06:18It's horseshit.
06:19So, look.
06:20Uh, the papers, they're pretty iron tight.
06:22But even though he is executor, you could still, you could force a sale if there's grounds.
06:26Oh, okay.
06:27What kind of grounds?
06:28Preach of fiduciary duty, lack of consent, improper execution, lack of transparency, failure
06:35to inform, any of that going on?
06:36Yeah.
06:37Like, all of it.
06:41Yeah, baby!
06:42We got a case!
06:43Oh, dude.
06:44And if you're thinking of selling, I could hook you up with some great people who would
06:47love shady real estate like this.
06:49Wait.
06:50Really?
06:54And then he stood there for, like, ten full seconds holding the word cunt.
06:59Yeah, like a fucking cunt!
07:01Oh, Glenn, it was your best work yet.
07:03No personal calls at work.
07:05Yeah, that's him.
07:07I know he sounds like one, too.
07:09Gigi.
07:10Glenn says hi.
07:17Wait.
07:18Stop!
07:22Drop it.
07:25Aaron, you're supposed to be sorting through the inventory, not throwing it all out.
07:29What?
07:29I did!
07:30I sorted it into trash games and not trash games.
07:33Gates of Galahad?
07:34This was Game of the Year last year.
07:35Fucking hackers!
07:36There's no way that game deserved it!
07:38Call of War 17 was robbed!
07:40Dude, Gates of Galahad literally changed my life.
07:42Yeah, me too.
07:43I think I finished the game, like, ten times because I'm obsessed with all the different endings.
07:47No way!
07:47Did you sleep with Caliandro or Barador?
07:49Both of them.
07:50Duh.
07:50You can do that.
07:52Yes, but only if you start the game as a vampire.
07:54Your balls are shrinking into a vagina as you speak.
07:57I think it sounds pretty cool.
07:59Yeah, I know you do.
08:00Wait, have you never played GOG?
08:02Oh, Jake, you gotta play it.
08:04I had sex with a druid who turned into a bear while we did it.
08:07I could be into that.
08:08Really?
08:09Not in, like, real life, but, like, for the game.
08:13I think I could do it in real life, especially if the bear was, like, the size of a little
08:16dog.
08:17Gross.
08:18Okay, anyone clean the bathroom yet?
08:19Not gonna happen.
08:20Don't send me an invite.
08:21I'll rage quit.
08:22I tried, but it smells so bad.
08:24I puked everywhere.
08:25It's worse now.
08:27Look, man, I can't wait to see Jake's stupid face when you fuck him on this, man.
08:34It's gonna be so funny.
08:37Dude, I'll make some calls.
08:38I'll hit you up, all right?
08:39Um, yeah.
08:42Just as an option.
08:43Hey, shut up!
08:45What the fuck was that?
08:46Hold on, man, sorry.
08:47I gotta go.
08:49Jacob, you little shit!
08:51Oh, my...
08:52What are you doing here?
08:54Internet's down at the salon.
08:55Girls asked me if I could come over here and try to convince you to let us share Wi-Fi.
09:00Jake said yes, but you have the password.
09:03No.
09:04All right, fine.
09:05I'll just let him know you said no, and I'll just, um, let him know that crazy shit you were
09:09saying to the psycho on the computer.
09:12Okay, fine.
09:13The salon can use the Wi-Fi, but there's nothing to tell anyway.
09:17I was just talking with a lawyer.
09:19Totally.
09:21You know, nothing shuts me up like cash.
09:24Bye.
09:27Please, you couldn't talk shit if you wanted to.
09:30You're a fucking girl!
09:31I can talk shit, okay?
09:32I just choose not to add more toxic energy into the world.
09:35Hey, guys.
09:36What do you think about trying Zach's customer role play idea?
09:39Who wants to be the first customer?
09:40Oh, me!
09:41Can I be Jamaican?
09:43No.
09:44You boys have fun with that.
09:45I'm gonna go finish up something on my computer.
09:47Doesn't really feel like Violet's putting the T in cunt with that attitude.
09:51It's funny, because I don't think you've even seen a cunt since you came out of your mother's vagina.
09:55Oh, Princess Violet wants to talk shit!
09:58That was a pretty good burn.
09:59Your mom has a burn!
10:00From all her STDs!
10:02How did you know about those?
10:13Hey.
10:14Oh, my God!
10:16How do you keep doing that?
10:17You're like Batman.
10:18Why?
10:19Because we both saw our parents get murdered in an alley?
10:21What the fuck?
10:22No, because you keep popping up out of nowhere.
10:25So what are we doing out here?
10:27We aren't doing anything.
10:29I have a meeting here.
10:31You sure it doesn't have anything to do with that creepy lawyer you were talking to earlier?
10:36Can you just go, please?
10:41Excuse me.
10:42Do you work here?
10:42No, sorry.
10:44I'm actually an international spy who saves the world by day and has trysts with exotic women by night.
10:49What are you doing?
10:50You said we were role-playing?
10:52Yeah, as ourselves.
10:53Oh, gotcha.
10:54Go.
10:54Okay.
10:55Hi.
10:56Excuse me.
10:56Do you work here?
10:58Yeah, Jake.
10:59You hired me.
11:00I'm not me.
11:01I'm playing the customer.
11:02You said we were being ourselves.
11:04Yes, you weren't playing yourself.
11:05I'm playing the customer.
11:07A human one?
11:08Oh, my God.
11:09Aaron, your turn.
11:10Can I be the customer now?
11:12Fine.
11:12Okay.
11:13Buy this game from Aaron, okay?
11:15And just be a regular human customer, please?
11:17And Aaron, you are going to sell him this game.
11:19I don't care what you think about it.
11:20Just sell him the game.
11:23Hello, kind sir.
11:24I would like to purchase this copy of Gates of Galahad, please.
11:27Mm-mm.
11:29Mm-mm.
11:30Aaron.
11:32Fine.
11:34Certainly, ma'am.
11:35But are you sure you want to buy this point-and-click spreadsheet simulator rather than a game that requires
11:41real skill like Call of War?
11:43I actually really enjoyed the first two games in the series, so I'm pretty sure I'm going to like this
11:46one.
11:47But it's like 9,000 hours of reading.
11:49Who the hell wants to do that shit?
11:51That actually is a lot of reading.
11:53You're not supposed to unpersuade him.
11:54Please, just...
11:56This game has zero reading.
11:58I'm like, I actually love this game.
12:00Headshot!
12:01And that's like $20 more than that piece of shit.
12:04Fucking upsell!
12:05I win!
12:06Top of the leaderboard!
12:08Motherfucker!
12:09Violet, your turn.
12:12Violet, please sell Zach a game.
12:14Zach, I want you to be a tough customer.
12:16Oh, yeah.
12:18You might as well crawl back into your cubby, because there's no way you're going to beat my high score.
12:23That's like an $80 collector's edition.
12:25Oh, that's good.
12:27I'll be like Aaron.
12:28There's no fucking way I'm buying this game!
12:31You fucking pussy!
12:33You pussy woman!
12:35Fuck!
12:36Fuck!
12:37If I buy a PlayStation, I'll show you my boobs.
12:39Sold!
12:40Not fair!
12:41Oh, and Violet takes the lead.
12:43I'll buy the PlayStation right now.
12:45You want to show me your boobs here, or you want to go back to my mom's?
12:47No, Zach, Jesus, no.
12:50Hello.
12:51Oh.
12:52Hi, are you here for me?
12:56Yes.
12:58Lawyer sent me.
12:59Hi, Bruno.
13:00Lissy, good to see you.
13:01How do you know him?
13:02How's the baby?
13:03I wasn't actually pregnant.
13:06It was a scam.
13:06Good for you.
13:07Very nice.
13:08Yes.
13:09How about you?
13:09How's the family?
13:10Mostly in prison.
13:12God, so tight.
13:14So, Bruno, what are your plans for the game store, exactly?
13:18My father runs very many legitimate business, and so now he would like to go into legitimate business with you.
13:27You're saying legitimate a lot.
13:28Because it will be.
13:30This is offer.
13:32It is good offer.
13:34It is final offer.
13:36We pay cash.
13:38You like this deal.
13:39You know, this is moving kind of fast, and I know you've reiterated that it is legitimate.
13:46I just need to check some things.
13:47Can I get back to you?
13:49We pay cash.
13:50We get to me.
13:56Well, I don't know about that.
14:04Anybody have any ideas on how we get word out on the street about the store?
14:07How about another acronym?
14:08No, thank you.
14:10Anyone else?
14:11Ooh, I wrote a commercial.
14:12You printed it?
14:13Yes, I know it's long, but I am open to notes.
14:15If we shoot here, we can save on location costs and spend the majority of the budget on Bradley Cooper.
14:21He'll be playing me.
14:22Anyone else?
14:23Ooh, I say we throw Zach in the middle of the street with a sign to make him dodge cars.
14:27I'm actually very good at dodging cars.
14:29Aaron, did this place have an e-blast?
14:31Like, did you guys have any old socials, anything?
14:33Yeah, we had socials.
14:34And then the person who was running the socials got the socials banned for toxic comments.
14:39So, it was you?
14:40Fuck yes, it was me.
14:40Okay, well, how about you guys help me hang these up around town, huh?
14:46Oh, how do I say this nicely?
14:48Burn those.
14:51I'm gonna burn them.
14:53Here.
14:56These are great.
14:58These are incredible.
14:59Bro, they're whatever.
15:00I think you're just excited about her saying she was gonna show her boobs.
15:03Wait.
15:04That's it?
15:05Whoa, I'm not showing my boobs to anyone.
15:07No, no, no.
15:08What brings people to strip clubs?
15:10Boobs!
15:10A man's loneliness and sense of self-validation by the false assumption that she was really into me.
15:14Or saying, Dad, get out of there, you crazy guy.
15:18Come home for dinner.
15:19No, it's chicken wings.
15:21You go to the strip club for chicken wings?
15:23How do they make their money on their off days, right?
15:25My mom should take Ellie and I every Tuesday after school to the strip club for chicken wings.
15:29The place would be packed.
15:30What is your childhood?
15:31I think I would like your mom.
15:33This is all coming together now.
15:34Zach, you and Aaron, you guys go around town and blast these everywhere you can.
15:39Oh, man.
15:40Come on, noob.
15:41Okay.
15:43So that's what you wanted to show me the whole time?
15:44No, actually.
15:45You know what?
15:46I gotta go get the chicken wings.
16:04Oh, just like mom's stripper wings.
16:07Get in there.
16:08These are so good.
16:10All right, so we put flyers on every car in a 10-block radius, and I even got them on
16:14a few moving ones.
16:15This fucking nerd has aimbot.
16:17He's actually good at dodging cars.
16:19Does that mean we could be clan buddies?
16:21Never talk to me again.
16:23Now we wait for the hordes.
16:30No one came.
16:31Not even one.
16:33Not even one.
16:35Go ahead, say it.
16:36Told you so.
16:37I'm a huge failure.
16:39Most of all, you're a huge freaking idiot.
16:43Not exactly how I would have said it, but the sentiment is correct.
17:00Hey, Jake, can I show you that thing I've been working on?
17:04Sure.
17:05Are you okay?
17:06No.
17:07Come on, man.
17:08Don't let this get you down.
17:10You're Mr. Positive.
17:11It's the one thing you got going for you.
17:13Oh my God.
17:13It's almost like you do care about your brother.
17:15Of course I care.
17:17He's just a big freaking idiot.
17:19You know, all he talks about is how you and him had this dream as kids.
17:24He wanted to make this happen for the both of you.
17:29We got one!
17:31It's a customer!
17:33Okay, Jake needs the spin, so everybody just try.
17:37Fine.
17:37Let's show him our cons.
17:39Jesus, Zach.
17:40No, it's a sales tactic.
17:42What?
17:47Welcome to Game Bros!
17:50Hey, you guys have the new Call of War?
17:52Do we ever?
17:53We have the Collector's Edition, the Mega Edition, the Headshot Edition, the Mega Collector's
17:57Headshot Ultra Edition.
17:58You should buy them all.
17:59How about a stripper wing?
18:00How many copies do you need?
18:01Do you need a pro controller?
18:02Nice upselling.
18:03Turn off UAV.
18:04You don't say upselling in front of the customer, dipshit.
18:07I'm sorry, I'm messing this up.
18:09My cunt isn't ready.
18:10Wait, we're doing too much, everybody.
18:12Back off.
18:12We're losing him.
18:14If you buy a PlayStation, we'll show you our boobs.
18:16No!
18:20Zach, Lacey, put your boobs away.
18:29Well, you did make one good business decision.
18:33Which is what?
18:34You hired me.
18:39What is this?
18:41This is the online store I set up, and I must have stumbled into a really good algorithm
18:46because we sold a lot of Call of War 18 today.
18:52Whoa.
18:53We sold that many copies?
18:55We sold that many copies.
18:57You guys, we did it.
19:01We're a real store.
19:04We did it.
19:06All right, all right, all right.
19:08Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, guys, we had one good day.
19:12Let's not get ahead of ourselves, okay?
19:17So are we going to kiss, or?
19:21All right, now I don't want to hear you crying after I killstreaked on your ass.
19:26Wait, who the fuck killed me?
19:29It shot, bitch.
19:32All right, that was a pretty good kill.
20:06All right, let's go.
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