- 4 hours ago
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00:05All right, okay, I'm outside.
00:09This isn't so bad.
00:11Now I see why squirrels live out here.
00:13Hey, Mr. Dinkins, my dad says you suck.
00:16Well, the commercials for your dad's law firm are corny.
00:21You too.
00:22What's that key to even doing outside?
00:24Should be on your phone.
00:26Tonight I'm gonna cut his trampoline.
00:27What's that?
00:30Huh.
00:35Oh, hell, yeah!
00:38The fall and rise of Reggie Dinkins.
00:45Morning, Rusty.
00:47Who's your friend?
00:49Oh, this is Jill, my date from last night, and twice this morning.
00:54Yeah.
00:55Isn't that wonderful?
00:56Oh, shoot.
00:57I'm gonna be late for my shift at Newark, and that air traffic's not gonna control itself.
01:01If you find my shoes, just throw them away.
01:05So nice to meet you.
01:09Rusty, my son is here this week, and I'm sure Jill is lovely.
01:13Oh, no, she's not.
01:14Her words.
01:15And I always wait until Carmela leaves for school before I bring them up.
01:19Them?
01:19Let's just say TGI Fridays isn't the only place I crush the apps.
01:23For real?
01:25Rusty?
01:26I once saw that man drop a whole bowl of spaghetti in the pool, wait for it to get sucked
01:32into the filter, open the filter, and then eat the spaghetti.
01:36What was I supposed to do?
01:37Just all of a sudden learn how to swim?
01:40Look, Monica, I don't like to kiss and tell, but Jill and I didn't kiss.
01:45Well, you do live here, and you have the right to live your life, but let's just keep it PG.
01:52Well, isn't that the pot calling the kettle equal?
01:57What's that supposed to mean?
01:58Come on.
01:59We're both single adults with a cell phone.
02:01You get it?
02:02Uh-uh.
02:02We are not the same.
02:04I don't need apps to meet people.
02:06I just go to the wine bar at the mall and, you know, catch a vibe.
02:10Do they still have wine bars?
02:12I mean, I know they don't have malls.
02:13Well, I know it's been a minute, but I wasn't wearing a mask the last time I went out, so
02:17it was after COVID.
02:19Or before?
02:20Yeah.
02:21People don't meet in person anymore.
02:23Come on.
02:23Let me make you a profile, okay?
02:25I could be your hitch.
02:26So I'm Kevin James?
02:28No, I'm sorry.
02:29Okay.
02:30Well, let me know if you need my help.
02:32Rusty may need the apps, but Moni's still got it.
02:35And maybe tonight I prove it.
02:37Hit the Tuscan Grape and show all y'all how it's done.
02:41Stella's about to get her groove back.
02:43Hey!
02:45Or a more recent reference.
02:47Yo, yo, yo.
02:49Check this out.
02:50This cat is gonna get me in the Hall of Fame.
02:52Congratulations, buddy.
02:53You deserve it.
02:54Uh, I need you to say more words.
02:57This is Duck Donovan's cat.
02:58Your old coach?
03:00You guys had a rough couple of years.
03:02Last year, Jets coach Duck Donovan was on top of the world.
03:06With Dinkins in the backfield, nothing can stop us.
03:09Literally nothing.
03:11Name one thing.
03:12Just one year later, Donovan is out after going 4-12 without Dinkins.
03:17Talk about a lame duck, Donovan.
03:20And joining me in club divorcee, recently fired Seton Hall coach
03:24and even more recently fired Passaic middle school coach Duck Donovan.
03:29Talk about a lame duck.
03:32No, I just came up with that.
03:33Officer!
03:34They say I can't bring Namath to work just because I handle food?
03:38But he's an emotional support cat.
03:40I need him.
03:41He's all I have.
03:42Sir, that's not a reason to call the police.
03:45I know my rights.
03:46And he blamed me for all of that.
03:49And that's good?
03:50Coach loves that cat more than life.
03:52I seen him pushing him around in a damn stroller.
03:55So, I find the cat.
03:57Coach is so happy, he forgives me.
04:00And everyone else is like, yo, that guy forgave you?
04:03We forgive you.
04:05And then bam, hall of fame.
04:07Bam, broadcasting job.
04:08Bam, they make a movie of your life.
04:10Bam, Pedro Pascal plays me.
04:12And he wants me on set.
04:14And we just click.
04:16Okay, I guess.
04:17It's the perfect plan!
04:20If anyone can understand what Reggie's going through right now, it's me.
04:24Footage of the absolute lowest point in my life was recently...
04:29...memefied.
04:32Namath isn't a way for Reggie to get into the Hall of Fame.
04:35Namath is the Hall of Fame.
04:37I mean, what, does Reggie truly believe he is going to be able to find a lone cat in the
04:42thousands of acres
04:43that comprise Alpine, New Jersey and Big Pussy Bomb Pensiero State Park?
04:47Of course not.
04:49But some part of him needs to believe that no cause is truly lost.
04:55So, tonight, we will go and look for the cat.
04:59Tomorrow, we will sit down and confront what that means.
05:04And that is the cake Mother set aside especially for Arthur.
05:30Hey, you.
05:37Oh my god, he's dead!
05:43No one drink the Pinot Grigio!
05:50Am I about to ask the man that lives in my ex-husband's basement for dating advice?
05:56Hey! Welcome to Hitch's office, Kevin James' character!
06:01Okay, you were right. I got out the game a bit and the game has changed.
06:07Mm-hmm.
06:08So, either I embraced the Korean feminist celibacy movement for B...
06:12Bisexu, bishouse, bihune, bihun. I'm aware of it.
06:15Or I can learn, with your help, how to do the swipey thing with the phone.
06:20Honestly, Monica, this is a great time to dive back in.
06:24You know, there's a male loneliness epidemic, so you are gonna clean up.
06:28But be careful, because they're also very fragile.
06:30So, they may fully snap if you reject them.
06:34Men are in crisis!
06:37The bad part is the scammers.
06:39So, don't send anyone any money for a plane ticket.
06:42Always buy it yourself.
06:43That way, if they turn out to be fake, you get to keep the points.
06:46Good to know.
06:47Gosh, there's so much more.
06:48You know what?
06:49I'm just gonna leave you a voice note.
06:50Hold on.
06:52Monica, hi.
06:53It's Rusty from the house.
06:54Yeah, if a guy's photo is in his car, he might live in his car.
06:58What are you guys talking about?
06:59Oh.
07:00We're just trying to find you a new dad.
07:03Or just something casual to bounce on.
07:06Okay, I want my mom to be happy.
07:09And I didn't care when dad started dating.
07:13I mean, I'm not sexist.
07:17But this is mommy.
07:19Okay.
07:20Yeah, yeah, cool.
07:21Very cool.
07:22What's very cool?
07:24Monica is my Kevin James.
07:26Oh.
07:27You a hitch.
07:28Go get it, girl.
07:30I spent some time on the apps when I was out in LA.
07:33I was on the industry one where Jared Leto matched with himself.
07:36Any luck?
07:37I did meet someone.
07:44Okay.
07:47Hey, baby.
07:48Tell the camera how we met.
07:51It was mad romantic.
07:52Okay.
07:53So, I was eating a popsicle in the background of one of TI's Instagrams.
07:57Reggie saw it, and he told Rusty to find me.
08:01Love wins.
08:03All right.
08:04Let's get that profile set up.
08:08Here we go.
08:09Okay, so what are you like, 6'4"?
08:13We have been out in the woods of northern New Jersey for almost six hours now.
08:17So far, Reggie has set out food, hung catnip, sprayed pheromones, and now he is just...
08:22Name him!
08:25Name him!
08:26Yelling a cat's name into the darkness.
08:29Like Ahab calling out to Moby Dick.
08:31Come here, you whale.
08:33I haven't read it.
08:35My point is, this is the face of DeLulu.
08:39Shh.
08:40Shut up.
08:41I hear something.
08:42Name him!
08:43Come here!
08:44It's working.
08:47Damn it.
08:48It's a dog.
08:50Shh.
08:50This one's name of two.
08:52Stupid New Jersey.
08:54Put him with the others.
08:55Come on.
08:56Come on.
08:56You gotta come with me.
08:58Okay.
08:59Everyone, no, no, no.
09:00You stay here.
09:01Name him!
09:03That's...
09:03Name him!
09:08No.
09:09I don't wanna talk about the cat.
09:10I wanna go find it.
09:12Wait.
09:12Sorry.
09:12You're not seriously planning on going back out there, are you?
09:15After last night?
09:15Last night was a good start.
09:18Every great cat finder starts with a few dogs.
09:21That's where the expression comes from.
09:23But it's a fool's errand.
09:25I don't even know what that means.
09:27Fools run errands all the time.
09:29That's why Wawa sells sushi.
09:31Name-eth is your white whale.
09:33Right?
09:34A lost cause.
09:35So why do you think that might appeal to you so much?
09:39Hold up.
09:40You think the cat's a metaphor for something?
09:42Yes.
09:43Yes, exactly.
09:44No, you got there way quicker than I planned, but yes.
09:46No.
09:46This is all very literal.
09:47Finding name-eth is just a good plan.
09:50So let's go.
09:51Well, I don't actually need any more footage of you failing to find a cat.
09:54Or of you grabbing a raccoon thinking it is a cat.
09:56Or of you panicking and throwing a raccoon at me while my mouth is open.
09:59Then I'll just go without you.
10:00But you're gonna miss the moment where Ahab catches Moby Dick.
10:04And the good people of New Bedford have lamps full of whale oil all winter long.
10:09Yeah.
10:09I have read it.
10:14Hey, you guys.
10:15Guess what?
10:16I actually found a match.
10:18Hey.
10:19Oh, he's Gaston, huh?
10:21Mmm.
10:21Yum.
10:22Business daddy.
10:23Yeah.
10:24His name is Eric.
10:26And yes, I made sure he was real.
10:28His LinkedIn says that he's a tech recruiter and he's been at the same company for the last
10:32five years.
10:33Hmm.
10:34Nice work, Monica.
10:35So I had my friend Lindsey at Experian pull up his credit score.
10:39740.
10:39Not bad.
10:40Then I hit up my friend Kim at the water company and she said his usage suggests he does
10:45live alone.
10:49Yeah, I guess I'm a little nervous.
10:51Oh.
10:52Because you're a virgin.
10:54What?
10:54She has a damn son.
10:56No.
10:56Because I haven't been on a real date in nine years.
11:00And everything I knew no longer applies because dating is phones now just like maps and restaurants.
11:05Which is great because I'm going out with a guy for my phone tonight.
11:09Yeah.
11:11Okay.
11:12I am a feminist.
11:14I marched.
11:15But this is not a woman.
11:17Like I said before, this is mommy.
11:21I did tell Eric to pick me up here though so he doesn't have my home address.
11:25Smart.
11:26That way if he's a murderer only we get killed.
11:28Hmm.
11:30He's still out there somewhere.
11:32This is delusional.
11:34Not just that he thinks that he's going to find the cat but that he thinks the cat will
11:38magically solve all of his problems.
11:41Speak of the devil.
11:43Probably got his head stuck in a beehive.
11:46Hmm.
11:47Um.
11:48Sorry.
11:49I need to take this.
11:50Yeah.
11:52Yes.
11:53Dean Edwards, please.
11:54That footage of me was leaked illegally.
11:56So I...
11:58Okay.
11:58Well I think you're an embarrassment to the University of Maryland.
12:00I don't mean that Cheryl.
12:02Obviously I don't.
12:02I don't.
12:03You are a towering figure in the field of 19th century South American pornography.
12:07I...
12:09Okay.
12:09Well you know what?
12:10Actually I quit.
12:11Yeah.
12:12Bye bye.
12:17Reggie!
12:18Reggie!
12:19Where are you?
12:21Arthur Tobin?
12:22Thank God Monica put that air tag on you.
12:25Okay.
12:26We need to find this cat.
12:27Because it's a very good plan.
12:28Exactly.
12:29And because there's no such thing as lost causes.
12:31It is definitely not a metaphor.
12:32Nope.
12:32It is just a good plan that will get you into the hall of fame and make this a great
12:35documentary
12:36and then Dean Edwards can go .
12:39I don't know whether we're going to get a whole bag of them.
12:41But let's do it.
12:42Ha ha!
12:44Namath!
12:45Namath!
12:45Namath!
12:45Namath!
12:48Okay.
12:49Wish me luck y'all.
12:50Actually don't.
12:52Watch me cook.
12:53Welcome.
12:54Hey.
12:55Monica.
12:56Hi.
12:58Hi.
12:58You weren't kidding about the cameras.
13:01Here's something you can't do on the apps.
13:03Hug.
13:05This is what human bodies are meant to smell like PT dubs.
13:09Deodorant is a scam by big pharma.
13:12Eric.
13:15You're wearing shorts.
13:17I work from home, so I rock what I like to call the body mullet.
13:21Business up top.
13:23Party down below.
13:26Okay.
13:27You need to sleuth the full body.
13:29That's on her.
13:30Mmm.
13:31I mean, sometimes weird dudes are good lovers.
13:35I think that's what's going on with Pete Davidson.
13:37You know, I just realized that this is all probably too soon for my son.
13:43Oh, don't be ridiculous.
13:45You two crazy kids have fun.
13:49He's perfect.
13:50I mean, one day with that guy and she'll swear off him in forever.
13:56I'm not proud of myself.
13:58Well, I know this wine bar.
14:00Oh, we can hit that up after the escape room that I booked.
14:05I know what you're thinking.
14:06Don't worry.
14:07It is not timed.
14:09Your cyber truck awaits, m'lady.
14:12Hey.
14:14I hope this date goes better than the one I went on this morning.
14:18No, you must find poor Namath.
14:20I mean, if he's not in your life, who will eat you when you die in the tub?
14:25Now, your best bet is to leave out some items of clothing with a familiar scent.
14:30Like, from the owner?
14:31Yes.
14:32Either one of you.
14:33Although, cats are very sensitive to power dynamics.
14:36So, it should probably be whichever of you is the more sexually dominant in your relationship.
14:44I know where Coach gets his dry cleaning done.
14:47Good plan.
14:51Can I help you?
14:52Ice Coach Donovan's assistant.
14:56Name's Hubert.
14:57Has him dropped off any dry cleaning lately?
15:01We agreed beforehand.
15:02No accents.
15:04You're doing an accent.
15:05He, uh, dropped off some stuff yesterday.
15:08Has these things gone out?
15:10Boss man changed a mind.
15:12Him don't want to clean no more.
15:14He want them dirty.
15:17Uh, maybe I should call Mr. Donovan.
15:20Rise!
15:21Come on to us!
15:22Rise!
15:25So, the drone didn't spot any cats, but it did see this.
15:30A pink bean bag by a pool?
15:33That is former New Jersey Governor Chris Christie.
15:37Sunning himself.
15:39Hold on.
15:40Where is he?
15:41Sir, please.
15:42Come on, tell me.
15:43I know he lives here.
15:45No, I don't.
15:46What the hell do you want with my clothes, Dinkins?
15:49Coach, we are trying to help you out.
15:52We're trying to find your cat.
15:53Do not call me Coach.
15:55What the hell are you talking about?
15:56You're trying to find this cat?
15:59Wait, no, but he's missing.
16:00Do you know how many pets in New Jersey are named Nameth?
16:03Yes, we do.
16:04And that thing looks nothing like my Nameth.
16:07First off, that is clearly a female cat.
16:09Look at her saucy, stupid mouth.
16:11Coach, you changed.
16:14You did this to me.
16:16What do you think?
16:17You think you're going to rescue my Nameth
16:19and all of a sudden I'm going to forgive you
16:21for destroying my life?
16:23Now you got me thinking about life without Nameth
16:26and I hate it.
16:30Oh, Lord, please take me first.
16:32You can send me straight to hell, but take me first!
16:38Come on, it couldn't have been that bad.
16:40I mean, his top half was on point.
16:43I don't understand any of these clues.
16:46So much math.
16:47That's not part of it.
16:48Oh, you don't know!
16:49Help!
16:50This is all your fault.
16:51Why does this always happen?
16:52And then I had to call an Uber
16:54because he cut off his thumb in the door of his Cybertruck.
16:59Oh.
17:00Oh.
17:01I think this ice cream is spoiled.
17:03Ice cream?
17:04No, this is butter.
17:06So you went on one bad date.
17:08Except now I have to start all over again.
17:12Swiping and making sure people are real
17:14and getting dressed up and getting my hopes up.
17:17I don't know how you do it.
17:19It's harder for you.
17:19You have standards.
17:20Maybe trying to get back in the game is just delusional.
17:23I might as well be in the woods searching for a lost cat.
17:26Look.
17:27As your Alex Hitch Hitchens, I need you to trust the process.
17:31Okay?
17:32You're not gonna end up alone.
17:33You just might have to lower your standards a little.
17:36Let's take a look at Eric again.
17:38Okay?
17:38How often do you see somebody's bottom half?
17:41You know, people sit at tables a lot.
17:42You know.
17:43After he hurt himself, he took off one of his toe shoes
17:47and shook an insurance card out of it.
17:49So, he has insurance.
17:52Build on that.
17:54She's going out with that Eric dude again.
17:58Mommy has got to stop listening to Rusty.
18:03And Mommy's special boy is gonna do something about it.
18:09I think maybe the cat was a metaphor for both of our things.
18:16It wasn't even the right cat.
18:19It was always a lost cause.
18:21Like doing and just like that without Samantha.
18:24She was the glue.
18:26So what now?
18:28What's the point?
18:30Okay.
18:31Hear me out.
18:33Just for the sake of the movie.
18:35What if I start gambling again and you go on a bender?
18:39I mean, if it's for the film and it's just for one weekend.
18:46When we get tops.
18:56Okay, I overheard you and Uncle Rusty talking last night.
18:59What did I tell you about listening to grown folks' business?
19:01Jesus don't like it.
19:03But, I heard you say that you're not even as good as Kevin James.
19:06I had a low moment, okay?
19:08Well, just watch.
19:12So I got your autograph.
19:13Maybe you can give me your number.
19:17Thank you!
19:21Wait for it.
19:29Sorry I'm late.
19:32The coffee guy took forever.
19:34The coffee guy tried to give you his number?
19:40Yeah.
19:42This is it.
19:45You don't have to lower your standards.
19:48And you don't need help from Rusty.
19:50You just gotta, you know, pay attention a little more.
19:55That last guy was pretty cute.
19:57I thought you'd say that.
19:59That's why I tracked him down for you.
20:01The same way I tracked down Brina for Reggie,
20:04but with less time in Atlanta nightclubs.
20:06So, is he single?
20:07Oh, he's single.
20:08And he's an astronaut.
20:11Unfortunately, he is already back in space.
20:13But it's only for eight years.
20:15Well, I do know where to find that coffee shop dude.
20:18Yeah, I checked on him too.
20:19He is now in prison.
20:21But for what?
20:22Mom.
20:23For being sexy.
20:25Oh my God!
20:26I hate this!
20:27I do still got it.
20:30Okay, let's run this back.
20:36Hello!
20:37And here he is as promised.
20:39Oh my God!
20:40Namath!
20:41Thank you!
20:42Oh, I practiced 4B, so this cat is my whole world.
20:45How did you find her?
20:47There are many reasons a lost cat might seek shelter in a stranger's home.
20:51Escaping a predator.
20:53A coming storm.
20:54Hatred.
20:55Most cat behavior is motivated by hatred.
20:58People said it was impossible, but we found the cat,
21:00because there are no lost causes.
21:02It was never a plan.
21:03Always a metaphor.
21:04Which means we can do anything.
21:06We can do anything.
21:06I was gonna say that.
21:09Let's go!
21:09Ha ha!
21:10Let's go!
21:10We're invincible!
21:11I don't get why Monica was grossed out.
21:14I'm on that new all butter diet.
21:16The neighbor's kid told me about it.
21:18He believed that?
21:19Oh my God!
21:21What a doofus!
21:22Wait, what did Noah say?
21:24Ha ha ha!
21:25Okay, he got me.
21:26Tonight, I'm gonna cut his trampoline.
21:28Mmm!
21:29Good night, everybody!
21:31Good night!
21:34Waah!
21:34You
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