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00:03Welcome, beloveds. I am back. When Fix My Life premiered in 2012, it entered a cultural landscape
00:14at a time when conversations about healing was still being whispered. Long before the words
00:21trauma, healing journey became mainstream. Fix My Life as a show opened doors. It broke
00:29silences. It set a precedent for how we would view personal growth in the public eye.
00:37They believe that I'm an abomination. I'm a demon.
00:41You can be mad at God for putting this on you. I don't want you quoting me the Bible.
00:47I want you to tell me how hard it is for you as a black man to see your daughter
00:52walking down the
00:53street looking like a dude. You have to respect me as her father, and I respect her as my daughter.
01:00Today, the landscape looks different, but the lessons remain the same. When we aired this story,
01:08many of you turned it off. It was too much for you. We dared to whisper. Cut that.
01:16We dared to say out loud the word transgender. Now, we see transgender stars, and yet there is still
01:27anger, hurt, shame, and judgment. For me, our show was a reckoning with the truth. A son wanting to be
01:37seen. A father mourning his name. Two souls caught in the space between who they were and who they were
01:46becoming. Beyond the headlines and big ideas, this is about a father and a son. We didn't know a lot
01:55about it back then. And sometimes when we don't know about a thing, we reject the thing. But I knew
02:03that a child was hurting and needed help becoming who they were meant to be and who they knew themselves
02:13to be.
02:15I am Iyamla Vansant, and I'm back to help you do your work.
02:25Get calm. That's the attitude it's like sitting on? Yeah. Okay.
02:33Don't push me. I'll twerk. I'll twerk.
02:40Because you know I'll be banging on the screen.
02:44I'm here in Los Angeles to help a family in breakdown, a family where one member is struggling
02:53to be who they are, to stand in their truth. But we're fighting something very difficult.
03:01We're fighting beliefs. 27-year-old Jeremiah says he spent his entire life feeling like
03:11he was born in the wrong body. To my family, I am Cynthia Jean. To my family,
03:16I'm Dimples. I'm not Jeremiah. I began to talk to God when I was like six or seven. Like,
03:22God, please just make me a boy. I came out to my family when I was around 16 or 17
03:28as a lesbian.
03:29My father is a Pentecostal preacher. He said, get out of my house, you bulldagger.
03:35That lesbian demon is on you. You need to let go of this spirit of lesbianism and homosexuality.
03:42I don't try to classify it with the world. Lesbian and this, he's just a little bit confused.
03:48I still believe the Lord's going to change her. I will never accept her as Jeremiah.
03:54Jeremiah says that he was blamed for the death of his mother.
03:58There were ministers who have said to me, the Lord took your mom away to show you that
04:04the lifestyle that you're living is you going against the will of God.
04:08Today, my family thinks that I'm a lesbian, but that's not who I am.
04:15I actually started living my life fully as male, I'd say around the age of 22 or 23.
04:21I don't want my dad to hate me. I can't lose them because they are all I have.
04:27I feel that if a choice had to be made between the love of my daughter and righteousness,
04:32I'm going to choose righteousness. I'm going to choose God.
04:35Jeremiah has just flown in from Dallas. He'll be meeting with his father tomorrow.
04:40Today, I want to see if he's prepared to tell the truth.
04:44You nervous?
04:46No, not really. Not really. Kind of, I guess.
04:49What you nervous about?
04:52Fear of what's going to happen.
04:54Well, what do you want to happen?
04:57Change, healing.
04:59That's what I want to happen.
05:01What is it that you think I can do for you?
05:04I think that you can help me to bring peace in my life.
05:08I feel like I'm tormented because I worry about so much my father, what he thinks of me.
05:12I have this guilt and shame, and it's a burden, and I feel like I've carried it for too long.
05:18I can't keep carrying it.
05:19So you're guilty because you are?
05:24Transgender. This is who I am.
05:26And you feel guilty about that because?
05:29Because my family believes that I am going to hell.
05:32That you're making out about them.
05:33No.
05:33This has got to be about you because you ain't got peace.
05:36Okay?
05:37Mm-hmm.
05:38What are your thoughts about who you are in here?
05:42Mm-hmm.
05:45Have you fully accepted it?
05:48Not really.
05:49Okay, tell me what you think about it. Come on.
05:51Just close your eyes and tell me what you think.
05:53Yes.
05:53Just close your eyes and tell me what you think about this incredible experience that you're having.
06:00What is it?
06:02It's scary.
06:03Yeah.
06:03Give me these.
06:04You don't need these.
06:05Okay.
06:06Uh, I'm scared.
06:08Yes.
06:09I'm fearful.
06:09Yeah.
06:10I'm afraid.
06:11What are you afraid of, baby?
06:13Not being accepted.
06:14Well, that's already happened.
06:16Yeah.
06:16Yeah.
06:17Okay, what else?
06:18Uh, I'm afraid that the little family I do have, I'm going to lose.
06:23Yeah.
06:25And what else?
06:26I'm afraid of transitioning into society as a black male.
06:30Whoa.
06:31Let me tell you, boo, that ain't easy.
06:34That ain't easy.
06:35It wasn't easy being a black female.
06:37Right.
06:37And now here you go out the pot into the fire.
06:40Yeah, absolutely.
06:41I feel guilty for choosing to live my truth.
06:50Feeling guilty for living your truth, when the truth of who you are is different than who
07:00people told you you need to be or should be, that is a very common experience.
07:09They believe that I'm an abomination.
07:11Yeah.
07:11I'm a demon.
07:13Yeah.
07:15Frankenstein.
07:16Yeah.
07:17When I heard my father say I was a demon, I just, it made me feel low.
07:22Yeah.
07:23Come on.
07:23What else?
07:24How can my father disown me knowing I don't have my mom?
07:30How can he call me names whenever he needs me?
07:34I'm there without hesitation.
07:36I don't question when he needs me.
07:39If he needs me to pray for him, you know, I'll do it.
07:44And that's what I understand.
07:45You'll call me to pray for you, but you won't accept who I am.
07:49That doesn't, it just doesn't make any sense.
07:57Look how frightening, beloved, it has been for you to go against what you were taught.
08:05What if your father never accepts you?
08:09Do you know that you will be okay?
08:13I want to know.
08:14Maybe that's the lesson.
08:18And the truth is that it's not accepting Jeremiah that your family is having trouble with.
08:30It's saying goodbye to Cynthia.
08:38You are asking your daddy to say goodbye to this little girl.
08:45Because that's part of the confusion, my beloved.
08:49Cynthia sometime and Jeremiah other times.
08:53Is Jeremiah ready to let go of Cynthia?
08:56Yes.
08:57I want to be real clear.
08:59There is nothing I can do to make your family of origin accept you.
09:05But what I can do is support you in getting clear within yourself.
09:12Being okay with the fact that they may never accept you.
09:18What is it that your father does not know?
09:21He doesn't know I've legally changed my name.
09:23He just thinks I'm going by Jeremiah.
09:25He doesn't know that I have gone to therapy for this.
09:29He doesn't know that I started the process to transition.
09:33He doesn't know that I live my life as a male.
09:37Does he understand the emotional, psychological, physical experience of being a transgendered individual?
09:46No.
09:47He doesn't understand because you haven't done a good job of telling the truth, beloved.
09:52This is critical.
09:53Because tomorrow is truth day with your dad.
09:59You ready?
10:00No.
10:01What will it take for you to get ready?
10:04Back then, this story was an anomaly.
10:08It was brand new that we were having a conversation about something that people weren't even willing to whisper about.
10:20But let's be clear about what the conversation was.
10:27Because that is still what the conversation is.
10:31Things are very different today.
10:33But that conversation is still going on right now.
10:35People have a right to self-identify.
10:38And people have a right to mourn when how someone is identifying themselves is different than the way you wanted
10:48them to be.
10:49However, those two conversations have to come together in love and acceptance and tolerance and patience.
11:02Both of those conversations and the people having those conversations have to meet each other where they are and give
11:10space for each other to grow.
11:14Okay, here's a church.
11:17I wonder if that is him.
11:20Huh.
11:23Are you Brother McCain?
11:29Wait a minute, there's something coming.
11:33Downloading it in my frequency.
11:38There is no more dangerous form of poor spiritual hygiene than trying to be who someone thinks you need to
11:50be to keep them comfortable.
11:53Bad spiritual hygiene.
11:57And maybe you've been told to perform a version of what someone needs you to be so that they can
12:05feel safe.
12:06Maybe the love that you've received or the love that you've wanted came at the price of being controlled.
12:17Maybe you've silenced yourself in the name of structure or tradition.
12:26Or maybe you've been silenced to keep the structure and the traditions that make everyone else comfortable.
12:35I invite you to pause here.
12:38Right here.
12:38Right here.
12:39Right now.
12:40And ask yourself, where am I still trying to earn someone's love?
12:47By playing small?
12:49Being soft?
12:51Remaining silent?
12:53To keep them safe?
12:54Okay.
12:55I want to get clear about something.
12:57Where is Jeremiah's anger in all of this?
13:01So what's the lie?
13:02I'm not sure what...
13:04There's a lie here.
13:06There's a lie.
13:08I'm not sure what you're talking about.
13:11Okay.
13:12Let me give you an example.
13:13Okay.
13:13We talked about shame.
13:15We talked about guilt.
13:16Mm-hmm.
13:17We talked about fear.
13:18We didn't talk about anger.
13:20Mm-hmm.
13:21Right.
13:22Are you angry?
13:23No, I don't think I'm angry.
13:24I think I'm hurt.
13:25I'm not angry.
13:26Not angry?
13:27Mm-mm.
13:27I'm not angry.
13:28How does your hurt show up?
13:30I cry because it's a hurtful place to be in.
13:33Well, why don't you get angry?
13:35Because I don't know how to be mad at him.
13:36Because if I did, I wouldn't...
13:37You don't have to be mad at him.
13:38You can be mad at the situation.
13:40You can be mad at God...
13:42Right.
13:43...for putting this on you.
13:44Mm-hmm.
13:45But you ain't mad.
13:47No, I'm not mad at God.
13:48Mm-hmm.
13:48No.
13:49Not at all.
13:50I don't know how to be angry.
13:51Sometimes I wish I was angry and mad.
13:53Is it that you're not angry, or is it that you've been taught that it's not nice and right to
13:59be angry?
14:01Probably a little bit of both.
14:02Mm.
14:02Mm.
14:03Anger simply means that your personal power, your personal space, your personal sense of being has been violated.
14:12Well, then I'm very angry.
14:14Okay.
14:14Let's talk about this.
14:16I understand now.
14:17Are you angry?
14:18I am.
14:19Okay.
14:19Stand up for me.
14:20Let me hear you.
14:21See that building over there?
14:23Tell them.
14:23Who are you?
14:24I am Jeremiah, and I am angry.
14:26Because?
14:27I'm angry because?
14:28I'm angry because my father loves me with conditions.
14:32I'm angry because I'm tired of feeling like I can't just be myself.
14:36I am very angry because I live in a hypocritical family.
14:39Tell me about that.
14:40Tell me about that.
14:41Tell me about the hypocrisy.
14:43Tell me about it.
14:44Tell me about it.
14:44Come on, Jeremiah.
14:46Fight for your life.
14:47It's too much hypocrisy.
14:49Tell me.
14:49Tell me.
14:50Talk to me.
14:50Let's put on a front and make sure that we have it all together.
14:55Bad spiritual hygiene.
14:58Performing rather than being present.
15:02Acting like you're not who you are and what you are just to be accepted.
15:08That does not do well for your mind, your heart, your body, your spirit, your physical environment.
15:19Your life is not a stage.
15:22Your life is not a performance.
15:24Your life is a testimony of your willingness to be fully present in the truth of who you are.
15:34You know, we have to present this image and this image of upholding whatever.
15:39We just have to look right.
15:41But when we're a mess.
15:43Because this has nothing to do with you being transgender.
15:46This is about telling the truth.
15:49What if you've been sent to minister to the preacher?
15:54What if?
15:57It's a heart.
15:58Man up.
16:02Man up.
16:04Do it different.
16:08This is about being willing to piss some people off.
16:17To save your life.
16:20I'm going to talk to your father now.
16:23Mm-hmm.
16:24What do I need to know?
16:26Be careful.
16:32That's him.
16:34That's daddy.
16:36Ooh.
16:41Brother McCain.
16:42How are you doing?
16:43I am blessed.
16:45Thank the Lord.
16:46How are you?
16:47Thank the Lord.
16:47Great.
16:47Thank the Lord.
16:48Thank you for being here.
16:49Yes.
16:50And if I say to you, peace and joy and kindness and patience and discipline and forbearance,
17:01I would be sharing with you the fruits of the spirit.
17:04Yes, you would.
17:05So here you are.
17:06Thank you for coming.
17:08I want you to tell me how hard it is for you as a black man to see your daughter
17:13walking
17:14down the street looking like a dude.
17:17What was the healing that you were looking for?
17:19The peace that I'm looking for can only come from the God that I serve.
17:22I understand that.
17:22My father's not going to accept me.
17:24That's fine.
17:25My family's not going to accept me.
17:30We are unpacking my time with Mr. Jeremiah and Mr. Evangeline.
17:36Let's unpack this with our fix.
17:38Our fix for you.
17:40Looking at the law of cause and effect.
17:44What shows up in the world is the effect.
17:47The cause is always within you.
17:50One of the reasons that Evangeline was having a hard time accepting Jeremiah is because Jeremiah
17:58was having a hard time accepting Jeremiah.
18:01Healing begins when you stop running from your own voice and your own truth.
18:06And the way you can do that is to reframe what you're looking at and why you're looking at it.
18:14Ask yourself, what if this isn't about rejection?
18:20What if this is about how I'm revealing?
18:25Own your experience before you try to get other people to accept it.
18:31Be authentic in who you are.
18:35Step by step, moment by moment.
18:38Because the real you is sacred.
18:40And the time to show up as the real you is right now.
18:47Why do you think I'm here today?
18:50What is your understanding of why I'm here?
18:52I think you're here where we can communicate and see what we can do as a healing.
19:01Mm-hmm.
19:02You know, because as we know, God is the healer.
19:06For healing for what?
19:08I want to, I need to get your understanding.
19:10Well, I feel that I want to support her, let her know that my love for her will never alter.
19:18Would you be surprised to hear that she doesn't feel that from you?
19:23She says she's heard you say things that make her believe you don't hold her as your child anymore.
19:31Oh, no.
19:33Talk to me about, for a man of your position in the community, in the church,
19:39that your child is now a transgender individual.
19:44Talk to me about shame.
19:46No, I'm not saying I steal my baby.
19:48Doesn't matter.
19:50Doesn't matter.
19:51I mean, as a father, you want your children to be a demonstration of who you are.
19:58Yes, absolutely.
19:59Love God, serve God, and you know, get married, have children.
20:04Never really saying, you know what, they have to learn for themselves.
20:11And that's my only regret.
20:13But how did daddy and his daughter get to the end of this experience?
20:19You have to respect me as her father, and I respect her as my daughter.
20:24What you have to get is that in her own body and being as a transgender individual, she may have
20:35been born with female genitalia, but she is not a female.
20:40The place where she meets God for herself.
20:44Okay.
20:45She is male.
20:47Okay.
20:48Well, that's her and God.
20:51I can't get into that mix.
20:52Yeah, but you said you have to respect her.
20:54And I respect that.
20:55That's her and her.
20:55Okay.
20:55And what does that respect look like?
20:57To me, that respect is letting her be who she is, but she respects who I am.
21:03What, no.
21:04What does that mean?
21:05She be, you'll let her be where she is.
21:08And she'll still be my daughter.
21:09But she's not your daughter.
21:11You're not respecting her personal experience of herself as a male.
21:17That would have to take a lot of prayer and a lot of work and a lot of understanding.
21:23Did you ask her, how does this feel?
21:26What is this about?
21:26I haven't had the heart to answer that because I haven't really even thought of that in that way.
21:36I always think that it's going to change.
21:41Mr. McCain.
21:42Yes, ma'am.
21:42It's not going to change.
21:44Mm-hmm.
21:45Can you imagine waking up tomorrow with breast and a vagina and hair down to your shoulders,
21:50knowing, as you know, that you're a man?
21:53Could you imagine that?
21:55I couldn't even fathom that.
21:57But that's how she's lived her whole life.
22:00And it doesn't mean that she's not beautiful.
22:03Oh, she's, I mean, no.
22:04And it doesn't mean that she...
22:06That's my baby.
22:07Something's wrong with her.
22:08And Mr. McCain, it doesn't mean that you did anything wrong.
22:12What it does mean is that you've got to tell the truth.
22:15Well, I'm like this.
22:17And I'm going to be honest with you.
22:19I don't think I will ever focus in on trying to understand that because...
22:23You're going to have to.
22:24Yeah.
22:25And I'll tell you why in a little while.
22:26We can get so caught up in the story and the sensationalism of the story when, at the core, these
22:36are two hearts searching for a way to be together.
22:43You have to stand in your daughter's face and she is about to have surgery.
22:51And all of that sweet talking and Bible quoting is not going to help you then.
22:59My work with Jeremiah and Deacon Evangeline was exhausting.
23:07Jeremiah would open up and then shut down.
23:11Then they would battle me.
23:13We spent a lot of time just getting to the heart of who Jeremiah really wanted to be.
23:20Evangeline was stuck in his story about who his child was and needed to be in order for him to
23:29be pleasing with God, not the child.
23:32I had to confront him and I had to do it with compassion and a firm touch.
23:40I'm a parent and I understood more than he knew.
23:48Can you talk to me as a father and not as a biblical scholar?
23:52Really.
23:53I mean, come on, because you know what?
23:54Let me get real with you for a minute.
23:56Get real.
23:57If you've been praying all these years and it ain't changed, either your prayers are not effacious or you need
24:03another God.
24:04No, I never prayed that it would change.
24:05Well, what did you pray for?
24:07That God would give her a mind to seek him.
24:10She has sought God and she has found peace in her heart about her life.
24:14Okay.
24:15And she feels in her heart that because of the choice that she's making for herself, that you will disown
24:22her.
24:22No.
24:23Okay.
24:24I want you to see this.
24:29Tell me what this is.
24:33Cynthia Jane.
24:33Mm-hmm.
24:37What does it say?
24:38Right?
24:38Decree change her name.
24:40Okay.
24:41So do you know what that means?
24:43It's just changing her name.
24:44That's all.
24:44From what to what?
24:46To Cynthia to Jeremiah.
24:48Yeah.
24:49In her heart and in her mind and in her spirit, Cynthia is Jeremiah.
24:57Well, Cynthia will always be Cynthia.
25:00Well, then that's not accepting what she chooses for her life.
25:04I'm still going to treat her as my baby, my girl.
25:07Even when she shows up in your presence, not as a girl, but as a man.
25:11She happens.
25:11She does that now.
25:13Mr. McCain, I know how hard this is.
25:16Yes.
25:17Yes.
25:18Hear me with your heart, not with your head.
25:23Cynthia doesn't exist anymore.
25:26What does Daddy say when he sees what he knows to be his daughter dressed like a man?
25:32She's still my child.
25:33They say love is blind.
25:34Mm-hmm.
25:35Well, I hope it's blind when Jeremiah shows up in your face.
25:38I hope it's blind now.
25:41Yes, ma'am.
25:43I want you to tell me how hard it is.
25:46I don't want you telling me all these nice, sweet words.
25:48I don't want you quoting me the Bible.
25:51I want you to tell me how hard it is for you as a black man to see your daughter
25:56walking down the street looking like a dude.
25:59You have to stand in your daughter's face.
26:03And she is about to have surgery that's going to transition her from being a female to a male.
26:12And all of that sweet talking and Bible quoting is not going to help you then.
26:16I live by it.
26:18And I'm going to tell you the truth.
26:19It hurts.
26:20Tell me what that means.
26:21It hurts because I see myself.
26:24That's my child.
26:25Can you accept that God would give a ministry of love and acceptance and the power of the Holy Spirit
26:35to a transgender individual?
26:37I can answer that one.
26:41I can see you as a piece of work and a handful because you're going to be right.
26:45I love the Lord.
26:47Yeah.
26:47Which fruit of the Spirit do you need to practice?
26:52Long-suffering.
26:53And what about patience?
26:54Patience.
26:54Yeah.
26:56Kindness.
26:56Yes.
26:57Have you been kind to her?
26:58Oh, yes, I have.
26:59You have been.
27:00Calling her names.
27:01I have called her names.
27:02Yes, I have.
27:03And that's what fruit of the Spirit is that?
27:05I was wrong for them.
27:07And I miss that.
27:07You have asked her forgiveness.
27:09Oh, yes, I have.
27:10That you were wrong.
27:10Oh, yes, I have.
27:11Well, you know, she didn't hear it.
27:16I think you're in for a rude awakening, Mr. McCain.
27:21There are hundreds of thousands of parents sitting right where you are in total horror and dismay.
27:29Yes.
27:29That their greatest dreams and hopes and wishes for their children will never come true.
27:34It will if they love them and hope.
27:38The word of God is yet in her.
27:42So that's what I rely on.
27:44Okay.
27:45And here's the word of God for you.
27:49Fear not.
27:51Be not dismayed.
27:52Fear not.
27:53Yes.
27:55In today's world, when we can look at a Chaz Bono or a Laverne Cox or a Janet Mock, I
28:05would say to any potential or emerging Jeremias, vote for you.
28:10Take a stand for yourself.
28:14And to the family and the parents, I would say, even when it doesn't look the way you thought it
28:23would look, look beyond that and find the love.
28:27Because in love, there is no rejection.
28:31There may be some resistance, but in the end, there is acceptance.
28:38What was the healing that you were looking for?
28:40The peace that I'm looking for can only come from the God that I serve.
28:43I understand that.
28:44My father's not going to accept me.
28:46That's fine.
28:50When we're struggling to get somebody to see us or to see our way of being, remember this.
28:57At all times, under all circumstances, there is no one in the room but you and God.
29:04So that resistance, that rejection that you feel, I promise you, it has absolutely nothing to do with the other
29:14person.
29:14It's all about the part of you that hasn't fully accepted who you are or who you're becoming.
29:21Good morning, beloved.
29:23Good morning.
29:27So, what's going on?
29:29Just trying to process everything that's going on.
29:32I want to talk about me calling you a liar.
29:34Mm-hmm.
29:35Let's talk about that.
29:36Okay.
29:37Because I understand you have some upset about that.
29:39Yeah, I do.
29:39Because I don't think that I'm a liar.
29:41I just, I did not, if I hold something in, I don't feel like that's me lying.
29:45Well, a withhold is a lie.
29:49A withhold is a lie.
29:50If anyone's not asking me, if no one's asking me, then I'm not, you know.
29:53Jeremiah, I don't want to play with you, brother.
29:55I don't want to play with you.
29:56Well, I'm not.
29:57I don't want to play with you.
29:58I don't want to play with you.
29:59I don't want to play with you.
30:00I'm fighting for your life.
30:02Right.
30:02This is about you moving forward in your life and a new way of being.
30:06Right.
30:07If you want to live in peace, as Jeremiah, you have to be clear about your intention
30:20and moment by moment in alignment with your intention.
30:25Does that make sense to you?
30:26It does.
30:27Yeah.
30:28So if you came here for anything other than peace, you need to declare it.
30:33What was the healing that you were looking for?
30:36The peace that I'm looking for can only come from the God that I serve.
30:39I understand that.
30:40My father's not going to accept me.
30:41That's fine.
30:42My family's not going to accept me.
30:44There's a work that I have to do.
30:45I'm called to do it.
30:46That's something that I have to work on.
30:48Do you understand by not sharing the truth with your father about how you live your life?
30:53You sat right here yesterday and said to me, my father does not know that I live my life as
31:00a man.
31:01That you're not telling the truth.
31:02My father is not somebody that you can just go and say that to.
31:05It's not just, hey dad, let me have a great conversation with you.
31:08Let's just be hunky-go-dory that I'm transgender.
31:10It doesn't work like that the way I grew up.
31:14Speaking your truth can, ooh, that's bad.
31:25Speaking your truth and standing for the truth of who you are cannot be predicated upon how you think other
31:34people will feel about it.
31:36The truth is the truth.
31:38It's not your job to get anyone to accept your truth or the truth.
31:44Your job is to be a stand for as you stand in the truth as you know it in the
31:50moment.
31:52It doesn't work like that with his teaching and how it was taught.
31:55You honor your mother and father.
31:57Children, obey your parents and Lord for this is right.
31:59You honor him regardless of what he thinks of me.
32:02So lying to him is honoring him?
32:03No, I'm not lying to him.
32:05Not telling him the truth.
32:07It's better for me to not bring about quote unquote shame over his life and over his beliefs because of
32:13what I'm doing.
32:14He said to me very clearly yesterday inside of a church that he was not ashamed of you.
32:21He found out yesterday that you changed your name to Jeremiah.
32:25Right, but he doesn't see me with a beard. He doesn't hear my voice drop.
32:28But when I walk into your house and I have top surgery and I have a beard, are you still
32:33gonna say that I'm not ashamed of you?
32:35Ask him.
32:36I have. And he said yes.
32:39I've come to realize that my father's opinion about whatever I'm going through or whatever I'm doing is not gonna
32:44change.
32:45I may be broken. I may be hurt. I may be helping thousands but not behold myself.
32:50That's fine. That's okay because it's not getting anywhere.
32:54Well, let me just say this.
32:55It's not. This is not getting anywhere.
32:56Your father is here. So we have an opportunity.
32:59You don't have to make it up. You don't have to guess.
33:03You don't have to wonder. I spoke to you yesterday and I spoke to him yesterday.
33:10And you two are in two very different places.
33:15Do you remember what I said about why you didn't have peace?
33:19Yes. It's based on myself. Accepting who I am as a transgendered person.
33:23Yeah. You've got two people present in your consciousness trying to live them both.
33:28Mm-hmm.
33:29I had you stand up, declare Jeremiah.
33:32Mm-hmm.
33:33And when you couldn't do it, I said, that's the fight.
33:37You know, I don't want to do that.
33:39Why are you here?
33:40I came here because I wanted to have a better relationship with my father.
33:44No, I thought you were here to find peace within yourself.
33:46Yes, but you have to understand that Cynthia is who made me who I am.
33:50There has to come a place where you allow Jeremiah to have a fresh, clean experience based on Jeremiah's experience
33:57in the moment without reaching back and referencing,
34:01well, she said this, but they said that, and he said this, but they, that's, you're not going to have
34:06peace like that.
34:09This is what I know, beloved.
34:11This is a lot.
34:15I also know that the way you've been handling it and going through it and working with it in the
34:21past hasn't worked.
34:25This is a crash course in getting to the next step.
34:29And I can imagine the fear.
34:34Is Jeremiah as your transgender child ashamed to you?
34:46We are unpacking my time with Mr. Jeremiah and Mr. Evangeline.
34:52The moment has finally arrived.
34:54I'm going to sit down with Jeremiah and his father so they can find some common ground and move forward
35:00as a family.
35:02Big day?
35:03Yes.
35:04Big day.
35:05I realise there is no way I can fix their relationship in just two days, so I'm going to leave
35:11them with some homework.
35:12And they'll have to continue to work on their own.
35:15Hey, listen, healing is not always pretty or easy.
35:20And it doesn't come quick.
35:22So, Daddy?
35:23Yes.
35:24I know this is your dimples, but I want to make a formal introduction to you of Jeremiah,
35:35which is the expression dimples has as a transgender individual.
35:43I understand that it's going to take you a while to take it in, and that's okay.
35:47Is Jeremiah, as your transgender child, ashamed to you?
35:55My baby is not ashamed to me.
35:58She knows her daddy will love her regardless, and that's the...
36:03But love is not all that's required in a relationship.
36:07Understanding, openness, kindness, patience, long-suffering.
36:13Long-suffering.
36:15Yeah.
36:15You also have a role in this.
36:17Jeremiah, a teaching healing role.
36:20Will you be willing to educate him in the moment without the anger?
36:25But when your dad, or anyone, even me, makes comments that are offensive to you as a transgender,
36:36that are just a symbol of our ignorance,
36:42would you be willing to, in the spot, do the teaching and say, wait a minute, that feels offensive to
36:48me?
36:48Yes.
36:49Okay.
36:49Even for your dad?
36:51Yes.
36:51Because some things he just may not know.
36:54And that's a responsibility for you.
36:57And that's a responsibility for you.
37:23Mm-hmm.
37:24He can handle your truth.
37:25Yes.
37:25And tell him your truth.
37:27And give him the respect to say, TMI.
37:30Now, my concern, I'm going to tell you quite frankly, is that one day, that his agreeing to disagree is
37:41not going to be enough.
37:42But for right now, I at least understand that he's there for you, he hears, and I told you yesterday,
37:50this is a lot.
37:51A lesser man could not do this.
37:53I want to thank you for that.
37:55I want to thank you for just being open.
37:58I think your father is saying he doesn't accept the choice that you've made.
38:05But I think I hear you saying,
38:08I disagree with your lifestyle, but I love you.
38:12You're my child.
38:15I'm not to judge of you, baby.
38:17God is.
38:17And it's okay, Daddy, for you to be sad at the loss of your child as you knew your child.
38:27That's okay, too.
38:28Can you hear me?
38:29I understand that.
38:30It's okay.
38:31What do you hear him say?
38:32I mean, Daddy loves me regardless that I'm still his child, you know, regardless of the decisions that I make
38:38and the choices I make.
38:40This has been a difficult day for Jeremiah and his father.
38:45Fear, fears, doubts, beliefs, questions, anger, and finally, agreements made.
38:50But in the end, there is love.
38:53In your heart.
38:54That's it right there.
38:54Okay.
38:56Jeremiah.
38:57Jeremiah.
38:58Yeah.
38:58Look at your daddy.
39:00Holding you.
39:02Jeremiah.
39:03This is the healing.
39:07Daddy.
39:08Oh, yeah.
39:08This is Jeremiah.
39:09Oh, this is my baby.
39:10Yes.
39:10This is Jeremiah.
39:12This is my baby.
39:12Your dimples.
39:13Yes.
39:14This is my dimples.
39:15Jeremiah.
39:15Daddy has you.
39:16Can you sit up so your daddy can see you?
39:20Can you do that?
39:24And I want you to see Jeremiah.
39:28But I see my baby.
39:30And that's, I see my baby.
39:32And that's what he can see right now.
39:34But you're totally in Jeremiah in this moment, yeah?
39:40Yeah.
39:41And did he turn his back on you?
39:43Did he put his arms around you?
39:51Why am I watching this like I've never seen it?
39:58Across this changing landscape, the society in which we live today, families are grappling
40:08with all sorts of change.
40:10Young people, especially, are pushing for authenticity.
40:16This truth is timeless.
40:19Healing begins when we allow love to embrace our reality instead of resisting the reality that's showing up.
40:28Beloved, I invite you, no matter what it is, before you resist, look at the possibility that something greater than
40:38you know is being revealed.
40:41So, if you're facing some change and some resistance, I invite you to go to Oprah.com and download your
40:50Fix-It workbook.
40:51Ask questions.
40:53Speak your truth.
40:54Let yourself be seen and known.
40:57Face your fears because healing doesn't begin in perfection.
41:02It begins in presence.
41:04Come fully present to this moment.
41:07And the truth is what will set you free from the fear.
41:12Beloved, this is an important work that we all must do.
41:17And it's time to do your work.
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