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00:02I feel like I've always been the joker in the family, the loud one, playing in
00:10the garden, playing football. Life was much simpler when you're a child, you've
00:21got nothing to really worry about. But when you start to grow older, your life
00:28is more, I guess, stressful. Take your hard work, Josh. Over the past 12 months, we've
00:35been making a special film with Josh Radford. Can you just sit up and talk to me? I never
00:40would have guessed I'd have, like, the problems I have now. It's hard to say, like, oh, I'm
00:46struggling. Throughout a very dramatic year. Josh has had a funny turn, absolutely fine
00:52one minute, next we know, says he can't breathe. It was just a straight up panic attack. Full
00:57of ups, downs, joys and fears. I don't know if I can do this. We've been with Josh every
01:04step of the way. I do wonder how come I'm having this. I'm really worried about him,
01:10so if I don't hear anything soon, I think I'm just going to drive up there myself. I guess
01:14I'm doing this to try and help other people. I do hope that me doing this does give people
01:20courage to also open up and ask someone for help, I guess. Are you OK, Josh? Yeah.
01:43Josh's film begins on a very special day. What's happening today, Phoebe? A birthday
01:49party. Yeah, whose birthday is it? Josh's. Yes. How old is he? 18. Yeah, a big milestone.
01:56So we're going to go get some party stuff. As the last Radford to turn 18. One. Yeah.
02:03And then where's the number eight? Amy knows what it's all about. He's an adult now. Like,
02:07he's responsible for himself now. He can make his own choices. Should we get him to be at
02:12the first? Doesn't need his mum and dad. He can go out and just, like, do his own thing.
02:1718 is the age when anything seems possible. So what would you like for your 18th, Phoebe?
02:23I would like to move to Paris. I would like to read the newspaper and I would like to get
02:28a new hairstyle. For the family, this birthday is significant in another way. Josh turning 18
02:35means we've got more adults than children, which is quite sad, isn't it? One feels like we're
02:41getting old, but too, like, where's our little children going? What are the balloons for?
02:48What does it say? Eight and one. Who's 81? Thankfully, I'm not 81 yet. How old's Josh Archie?
02:5718. Well done. You get it? I wouldn't really say I feel like I'm becoming an adult yet. I guess
03:02it takes more time for some people. I guess I just see 18 as, like, another birthday. I just
03:08don't feel like a grown-up yet. For his present, Noel and Sue are giving Josh what every 18-year
03:13-old
03:13boy craves most. Drive my lessons. It's a symbolic present, isn't it? You can learn to drive, you
03:19can vote, you can drink, you can do all these different things. 18 is like a writer passage,
03:24isn't it? We've got your ten lessons starting next week. Start driving? What, now? Yeah.
03:32How do you do that? I don't know if I can. I'd probably have to feel confident in
03:38actually, like, being able to do it. It's just like a waste of money knowing that you're
03:41just going to fail. I'd rather wait a while. All of the other kids have been really, really
03:47desperate to learn to drive, but it was quite a shock when Josh said that that really wasn't
03:52what he wanted to do. What about the rest of your day, then? He doesn't want to drive.
03:56I'm not really too fussed about doing anything, to be honest. Or much else for that matter.
04:01Where is Josh? He did seem like he was in the mood for a party. Yeah. I don't think we
04:07actually have any plans today. Sue's concerned. Josh has always been the life and soul of
04:14the party, so to speak. He's always bright, bubbly, laugh-a-joker. That's just Josh. That's
04:20what he's like. So him not really wanting to socialise. That, for me, it's not Josh, really.
04:28That's definitely not what he's like. Noel has a different take on it. I think he's
04:33just a bit grumpy. My guess is he's been up half the night, playing on his computer, and
04:37he just doesn't want to go out. Myself and Josh are completely different people. He's a
04:43lot more lazy than what I was. I'm going out to work. He's just going to bed, and I'm thinking,
04:49this isn't right. You should be doing something with your life. You have to reply. Which one
04:58is Josh's work ethic since he left school two years ago? I love Josh to bits, but I
05:03do get a little bit frustrated with Josh. He just needs, like, a kick up the backside.
05:07He's got no ambition. He doesn't know what he wants in life yet. Can you list things he's
05:12done since school? Well, there's an out. My routine's get up in the morning, come to work,
05:19go home, do the school run, come back to work, go home, do the school run. I knew what I
05:25wanted to do way before I left school, so...and I don't get it. Why does Josh not know? You
05:32do get a bit paid. You think, well, you know, get up and get a job and work. What, make
05:37an
05:37effort. You've got to do something. I just have a different work ethic to some people, I guess.
05:50It's 8am. And on most days, Josh Radford will still be in the land of nod. Shall I go get
05:57my shoes on? Yeah. But not this morning. I'm taking Josh for an eye test because he's worried
06:04that his eyes are not all right. He just says that they go funny. I'm not really sure how
06:10to describe it. I don't see out them as well as I used to, it feels like. The only explanation
06:18I had was, like, I'm in a dream. Hiya, Josh Radford for an eye test.
06:28Sue has done dozens of eye tests with the kids. Yeah. But none like the one today. Is
06:34anything that's brought you in today specifically? I feel like my eyesight's changed from before.
06:39Mm-hmm. Do you get any other problems at all? Yeah, I've been having some headaches
06:43towards the back of my head.
06:46Josh's issues have been troubling him for a number of days. When he first came to us
06:50with his eyesight, he was stood in the bedroom nearly crying because he just, his eyesight
06:56was gone all funny and he just really felt like something seriously wasn't right.
07:00Are you struggling with a particular part of your vision? I'm not really sure what's
07:04actually wrong with him. It's like, like I'm going blind. When Josh said that he felt like
07:11he was actually going blind, that obviously as a parent really does worry him. Never ever
07:16seen him like that. He's not the sort of person that's ever been worried about his health in
07:20any way, shape or form. Can you still make all that bottom line? Nope. Josh is struggling to read
07:29anything. Nothing at all? No. Everything blacking out. Thought he got something really wrong with his,
07:39in his head. He was really, really, really scared. One more time. Josh's fears of going blind.
07:48So that's how your vision looks like with glasses on. Have a simple explanation. Is that a lot clearer?
07:55Yeah, I'd say so. She basically said that he's got astigmatism, which does make the eyesight
08:02seem a little bit different. So he's now got glasses. Front and back of the eyes.
08:10But Josh is still not satisfied. I did need glasses in the end, but it was for something else,
08:18not for what I was, like, thinking. Just pop your head back for me. That's all.
08:27It's definitely not gone yet. It's worse, to be honest.
08:45Tilly, you ready? Two weeks after he turned 18...
08:49Oh, I'm ready whenever you are. The family's finally gearing up to celebrate Josh's birthday.
08:57You ready, Amy? Where are you going? Go karting. It's what he wanted to do for his birthday. That's
09:02what he wanted. You two ready then, yeah? Right, good. This won't be the first time Josh has hit the
09:09race track. We got an holiday, didn't we? And he absolutely loved it. And he got the bug for it.
09:14So he says,
09:14oh, I wouldn't mind doing this for my 18th. So we've booked it. And is there five, six of us
09:19going?
09:21As well as Josh and Dad, Ellie, Amy, James, Max and Tilly will all be competing for pole position.
09:27Well, we've got ten minutes and we need to go. Everyone's ready. Let's go.
09:33With one notable exception. Come on, Joshua. Come on. Put your spectacles on so you can see us.
09:41It's Amy, by the way. I know you can't see me. Come on, Josh.
09:49Josh, are you going to get up? Hey? Come on, Josh. It'll be a good laugh.
09:55No. Why? I can't be bothered. Tired.
10:00It was for your birthday. It's what you wanted to do. Everyone's all ready to go.
10:04Why do you not want to go? I feel sick.
10:07You're saying you're tired and feel sick? Is that where it is?
10:12But can you just sit up and talk to me?
10:16Ain't your hard work, Josh.
10:22Last chance.
10:24He ain't coming, is he?
10:27He won't go.
10:28You know why he won't go. Because he wants to sleep in.
10:31Yeah, I know. It's epic, isn't it?
10:34Well, Josh is now saying that he doesn't want to go.
10:37He's not going to get out and talk to us, I don't think.
10:39I think, like, the most we're going to get out of him is,
10:41I don't want to go. And that'll be about it, really.
10:44Well, we're still going, even if he doesn't come.
10:47He's all booked and paid for. I know it would.
10:52I'm getting a little bit angry, you know, and hurt with Josh,
10:54because he sort of distanced himself from the family.
10:57He doesn't mingle with us. He doesn't do anything.
11:00He just sort of, like, plays on his game during the night, and that's it.
11:08The go-karting treat goes ahead without the birthday boy.
11:12Everyone behind match.
11:14But Josh's absence has shocked his siblings.
11:17Definitely surprised me that Josh didn't end up going to his, uh,
11:23his go-karting. You know, it's something he definitely enjoys.
11:26I think he's done it before, and he talked so much about how much he loved it.
11:31Josh used to be, like, the kind of person that would go everywhere
11:34and just have a bunch of energy with him, and he would light up the room.
11:39It's like he's become some whole other new person that's just not him at all.
11:45I do miss how outgoing Josh was, um, because I used to try being outgoing to be like him,
11:52but then he stopped, and I kind of stopped with him.
11:54Because now he doesn't really have friends over, and he doesn't really go outside much.
11:58So it just doesn't feel right to see him just not being that way,
12:01because it's just not him.
12:03Josh has missed a great family day out.
12:05I crashed five seconds into it.
12:08He banged into me twice.
12:10No, I didn't. Yeah, you did.
12:11It's a shame he's not here, actually.
12:15I don't know about you, but he frustrates me.
12:19He's just, like, a teenager that can't be bothered.
12:22Got into an unhealthy rut.
12:25I mean, I know that you think he's been a bit lazy and everything, Nolan.
12:27I get where you're coming from, but I just feel like there's a bit more to it than that there.
12:32I mean, him having to go to the optician's novel because he thought he was going blind,
12:37it is, like, quite extreme, that, isn't it?
12:41Not Josh at all.
12:42And I just feel like he's, you know, he didn't want to celebrate his birthday.
12:46He doesn't want to do anything, does he?
12:48He doesn't even want to go out with his mates anymore, which is definitely something that
12:52Josh was never like that.
12:54Why is that laugh? Why has he changed like that?
12:56It's definitely not like him, is it, really?
12:58No, not at all.
13:02No sooner are they home than it's straight out again.
13:07This time dragging along a reluctant Josh.
13:10What are we doing?
13:11Going to an outlet and then whatever you want to do.
13:16Can you remember the last time Josh came out with us as a family before that shopping trip?
13:20No, I can't.
13:25I love shopping. It's my second favourite thing to do in the world.
13:29Yeah, we know what your first favourite thing is.
13:32I know, holidays.
13:34Not everyone's as keen as Sue.
13:36I absolutely despise shopping.
13:38Where would you rather be right now?
13:40Playing football or in bed.
13:43I don't know what stuff I'd rather do, John.
13:46There's got to be other stuff I'd rather.
13:49Still, at least Noel's got you away from your bedroom.
13:53I remember thinking how nice it was to be out with Josh.
13:56It seemed like an eternity since we've been out together.
13:59What are we doing?
14:00I don't know. I think we're going somewhere else.
14:02I'm tired.
14:04Tired? You haven't done anything today.
14:06You don't know if you've had any chill day.
14:07I get stressed going primarily.
14:11It was obviously very, very busy. You know, we were in a very busy area.
14:17I'm not fully sure what happened. It was kind of just all the noise that was happening.
14:22Because, obviously, it's a shopping centre and there's loads of people talking. Music.
14:28Out of nowhere, I just randomly felt it coming. It's just hit me.
14:34Josh came up to me and he just sort of said...
14:36Dad?
14:37What last night?
14:39And he said, and his vision was all...
14:41He said, my vision's gone a bit weird.
14:42Dad?
14:43What?
14:43I couldn't really see. Tight chest. Feeling of not getting enough oxygen.
14:50My body was just telling me to, it's probably best to just sit down.
14:59Bloody hell.
15:04We just sat him down, give him a drink.
15:09Josh really doesn't feel well. He's had a funny turn.
15:12Absolutely fine in one minute. Next we know, he says he can't breathe.
15:20I mean, it was just a straight up panic attack.
15:30We're leaving the shopping centre, so we're just going to get out.
15:32I don't know if it's just a bit too much room. It's quite noisy in here.
15:37He felt really overwhelmed and he just wanted to just get out.
15:40It was a bit like fight or flight, isn't it? And he just wanted to just get out.
15:45A few minutes later, they'd taken Josh outside.
15:48How are you feeling now, Josh?
15:50Has it passed, do you think?
15:52A little bit.
15:53I just feel like you're short of breath, don't you?
15:57Yep.
15:58Definitely say it's a fear I've never experienced before.
16:01Just got to say to say, I can breathe.
16:04You definitely can breathe, Josh.
16:06Soon as we got out of the shopping centre, I did want to take him to the doctors,
16:10but he said no, that he was feeling absolutely fine and that he was all right.
16:15I was hoping that the meltdown was a one-off and the end of it.
16:20But unfortunately, it was just the beginning.
16:26I am knackered.
16:27A week later, I've been awake all night.
16:31Roommate James has witnessed it happening again.
16:34I was just sleeping.
16:36I ended up waking up at 3am, Josh, walking around the room.
16:42He sat by the window for about 10 minutes and he's eventually come up to me just saying
16:51that he doesn't feel very right.
16:55He said he's starting to feel dizzy, faint.
16:58So I got mum.
16:59I could see the panic on his face.
17:01So I just said, right, come on.
17:02Got dressed, got him in the car and took him up to hospital.
17:08A little bit worried for him.
17:15Josh is still up at the hospital with Sue.
17:18The latest incident has particularly upset Noel.
17:21I've been in there all night.
17:22I've not heard anything.
17:24Probably no phone sitting up at the hospital.
17:26So, yeah, just waiting to hear back.
17:29Any update, really?
17:36I need to know what's going on.
17:38So if I don't hear anything soon, I think I'm just going to drive up there myself and
17:42find Sue and find out what's going on with Josh.
17:45Because I'm really worried about him.
17:54Seven hours after being taken to hospital,
17:58Josh is home.
18:01Josh is absolutely fine.
18:03Everything's fine.
18:04But all of his tests came back normal.
18:06So nothing to worry about.
18:08The doctors are not worried about that at all.
18:11Last night's incident has left Josh shaken.
18:14It was just constantly really bad breathing.
18:18I didn't feel like I once had a breath.
18:23If James wasn't actually here when I had my panic attack, I don't even know where I'd be right now
18:29because I was definitely scared.
18:32You're just clinging on.
18:35You feel like you're dying, basically.
18:39Like you don't know what to do.
18:41To show Noel what Josh was telling us, we asked him to watch our footage.
18:46It's upsetting to see Josh saying what he's saying.
18:49He's never said anything like this to us, how frightened he was.
18:53It has definitely impacted me.
18:55Thinking every day about my health, if it is okay.
19:00That was obviously very scary for him.
19:03And he thinks he's really ill.
19:05You know, there's something physically wrong with him.
19:09Which, you know, is really scary, isn't it?
19:11You're constantly thinking about the future.
19:13I can't see me without this anymore.
19:16Or if you'll even be here in the future.
19:20So, I mean, you're just constantly thinking about those thoughts.
19:23So, it's not nice to see one of your children like that.
19:28I can't leave him on his own.
19:30He needs to now understand how he's got to deal with it.
19:34Are you okay, Josh?
19:38Yeah.
19:49I still don't really know what is going on.
19:52I'm not really sure what it actually is.
19:54It's been a few months and Josh finally wants answers.
19:58I'd definitely say it would help to be told.
20:04He's finally agreed to visit his GP,
20:07but he's nervous about what he might find out.
20:09It's me always worrying, like, every day if it is something, like, serious or anything like that.
20:18I am just hoping that I can get a diagnosis today.
20:23Today, Josh doesn't want to go alone.
20:26I definitely would prefer having my mum come with me.
20:32I feel like it would be a lot easier to go that way.
20:39Are you ready, Josh?
20:42When we were getting ready to go to the doctors,
20:44I could sense that he was getting himself a bit worked up and just feeling a bit agitated.
20:50You'll be okay.
20:55I'm with you.
21:04I had to do a lot of reassuring with Josh just to even get him out of the house,
21:08get him out of the door.
21:09I could tell that he was really struggling.
21:12How are you feeling now?
21:14It's definitely, say, a lot worse right now, going.
21:17I think you are absolutely fine. There is nothing physically wrong.
21:21You don't believe it, do you?
21:23No.
21:23Your mind overtakes it, doesn't it?
21:26Yeah, I'm definitely worried of it being something about my house.
21:29I thought of, like, if it is something serious.
21:33On the way to the doctors, you know, I was just trying to keep him talking
21:37so that he wasn't kind of too thinking ahead of what could the problem be.
21:42So just trying to just keep him chatting to take his mind off it.
21:52After 50 minutes, the appointment is over.
21:56How do you feel that that went, Josh?
21:58Do you feel better in yourself?
22:00Now there isn't anything physically wrong.
22:03But Josh still can't accept it.
22:06She never said it wasn't physical, but she said basically...
22:11She did. She said there's nothing physically wrong
22:14and you've got to try and get that into your mind.
22:18Even though he'd had blood, everything, and it was all normal,
22:22Josh just would not have it.
22:24Keep telling yourself, no, I'm absolutely fine.
22:27When any of these thoughts come into your mind,
22:29you need to keep telling yourself, no, I'm absolutely fine.
22:32She explained it like your normal mind is here,
22:34but your overactive mind is up there.
22:36You know, when he had that funny episode where he couldn't...
22:39..where he thought he was going to go blind
22:41because his eyesight was a bit funny, she said,
22:43so that's classic overthinking, which is making him feel really anxious.
22:50Yeah.
22:51You know, you've got a long life ahead of you and you can't let that anxiety
22:57taking over your life, which at the minute is kind of what it's doing, isn't it?
23:01It definitely has taken over my life.
23:05There's not really anything I can really do any more.
23:12The anxiety that I didn't expect to have, because I didn't even know what it was, really,
23:17or that it even existed.
23:22You did say that it's not something that you're going to recover from overnight.
23:26It might feel better after seeing her for, like, a few days,
23:29and then it might suddenly be like, oh, actually,
23:31I need more reassurance that there isn't anything wrong.
23:43Four weeks on, and Josh's situation has worsened.
23:48Josh, he's not really been doing very well.
23:50He's had a few minor ones here and there, but he's definitely started to change a little bit.
23:55He's getting more quiet, and he's not going out.
23:59Josh's anxiety is now stopping him from leaving the house.
24:04No, I've not been out.
24:07It's, like, hard to go out at all.
24:12When I go out, my anxiety does get a lot worse.
24:16The breathing becomes a lot worse.
24:20The feeling of you're going to have, like, a panic attack.
24:24I know that people say it's best to try and get yourself outside,
24:29but it's, like, out of my comfort zone now.
24:34My routine's mainly just sit inside and play my game.
24:38I can't really do anything I want to, to be honest.
24:44I do wonder sometimes why, like, kind of, like, how come I'm having this,
24:52and why I'm not, like, just do what, like, everybody else is doing.
24:59But, yeah, it's really frustrating.
25:09Spring turns into summer.
25:12But still, Josh is unable to leave his home.
25:22That was so sudden, that.
25:27I'll leave this world singing my rare thys.
25:34It's very controlling.
25:36It basically controlled my life.
25:44Being unable to leave the house has meant Josh missing out on everyday life.
25:49Family things, birthday parties, births,
25:54and he's just not been able to do anything.
25:56It's so frustrating, and as a mother, it really does break your heart.
25:59It's all the tools.
26:04Noel has been taking Josh's illness hard.
26:07Me, yeah, I do feel like I've let him down, you know, as his dad, as his parent.
26:11Should I have been picking up on these things earlier?
26:14I should have been realising that something wasn't quite right,
26:18and it wasn't just Josh.
26:19It was something else that was, you know, in his head, perhaps,
26:22and I should have been able to detect these things.
26:25To try and understand what Josh is going through,
26:28a friend has recommended Noel travel to Carlisle.
26:32Not been here for ages.
26:34To speak with Chris.
26:36Hey, Chris.
26:36How are you doing all right?
26:37Yeah, it's Noel.
26:38How are you doing, Noel?
26:38Good to meet you.
26:39Chris works at a men's mental health charity.
26:42Not spotting mental health is common, particularly for us oldies.
26:47Thinking back, it's quite weird, isn't it?
26:49We never thought about mental health.
26:50When I was younger, it was someone that was in a straitjacket,
26:54and that's where it was perceived to be.
26:56Growing up, didn't even know there was such a thing.
26:58No.
26:58If anyone said that, you'd just say,
26:59oh, shut up and get a grip and get on with it.
27:02And I think that's probably the same attitude I've had until recently.
27:05The way we were brought up and the way it was then.
27:07It wasn't something that was ever discussed.
27:08No.
27:09That's an attitude that we need to change.
27:11But really, there's a lot of people that have probably suffered with it years.
27:14And it wasn't reckoning, because there's nothing physical to see.
27:17No.
27:17I think my first thought with Josh was he's just,
27:20I don't know, I think he just couldn't be bothered to go out.
27:22I always used to say, well, you're married to your computer more than anything,
27:25and your mates, you know, you'd just, you'd rather do that
27:27than go out and socialise and be with your mates.
27:28I just didn't realise there was more to it and there was something seriously wrong.
27:32I feel guilty that I just didn't see it coming.
27:35It's hard, because young guys don't talk about that kind of thing.
27:39They don't like to show their emotions.
27:41And if you show that you're struggling with things, it's a weakness.
27:43And guys don't like to show weakness.
27:45It's important that guys do open up and get stuff off the chest,
27:49because bottling it up, that's when things get too much.
27:54Before Chris worked for his charity...
27:56That's Nicky on the wall.
27:58..he was a parent, just like Noel.
28:01Takes after his dad, Nicky the Bricky.
28:03Is that where he was? Yeah.
28:05Was he a Bricky, yeah? Right.
28:06Love football.
28:07Oh, yeah.
28:07Exactly the same with Josh.
28:09I got involved because my son took his life at the age of 20.
28:14Nicky was struggling with his mental health.
28:16Just as he got into adult age, he found it hard to fit in.
28:20Sort of masked it.
28:21He didn't talk about his feelings to other people.
28:23You can only see what you can see, and what we could see on my son
28:26was only what he wanted to show us.
28:28Do you find that helpful when they talk about it?
28:30Ah, yeah, 100%. It makes me feel better.
28:33Right.
28:33We always say, though, we never worry about the time we haven't had.
28:36We always enjoy the times we had, the 20 years.
28:39Yeah.
28:40I think my main learning thing there is you never know how somebody's feeling,
28:45no matter what age they are, you know, teenagers, adults or whatever.
28:49It's hidden away from other people, but sometimes they're trying to hide it
28:52from themselves as well.
28:53It's something that's really difficult to pick up on, unless they speak about it.
28:58You need to be told by that person that they're not feeling OK,
29:02and it's difficult to spot that otherwise.
29:06And Josh, maybe just at the minute, he's finding it a bit hard.
29:11I mean, when Noel first told me about Chris and his son Nicky, my first thought wasn't,
29:16I didn't think that Josh would ever do anything like that, but at the end of the day,
29:20with mental health, you just, you never know.
29:24So you're never going to take that chance, so Josh definitely does just need the help.
29:28To get Josh the help he needs, Sue has contacted Sarah, a clinical psychologist,
29:34who will try to help Josh overcome his issues.
29:38I see a range of clients with mental health difficulties,
29:43such as anxiety, depression, trauma, and that's quite common with young adults.
29:52Sarah's right. In fact, studies show that almost half of young adults
29:56experience similar feelings to Josh. Being overwhelmed, anxious, or uncertain
30:02about the future is a normal part of becoming an adult.
30:06But I think young men in particular don't want to admit that they're struggling with their mental
30:12health, so are less likely to then seek help and more likely to bottle it up and pretend that
30:18nothing's wrong and just try and carry on regardless until it gets to a point where
30:21that's not doable anymore and they become like Josh and it becomes really obvious how much they're struggling.
30:28For Josh, that struggle has got to breaking point.
30:32Josh!
30:32He's not been out of the house for over two months.
30:35I don't think a day's actually gone past where I haven't thought that you're never going to stop
30:39having panic attacks or, like, you're never going to stop having, like, serious anxiety problems.
30:46And I guess me thinking that way is kind of, I guess, it makes it worse.
30:51Hi, Sue.
30:53Hi, mate. Lovely to meet you.
30:54And you. I'm Sarah.
30:56It's definitely frustrating dealing with these problems that come with it.
31:01It's kind of like something's always, like, out of my reach, I guess.
31:06And I'm always trying to get to it, but it's always, like, just out of my reach.
31:12Hi, Josh. Lovely to meet you.
31:14Hi.
31:15I've been asked to come along and see how I can help you because I believe you're struggling with
31:19leaving the house.
31:21Yeah.
31:21And with anxiety.
31:22So we can't get rid of anxiety completely, OK?
31:24I'll say that right now, OK?
31:26We need anxiety.
31:27It helps protect us.
31:28But right now, it's controlling you.
31:31Yeah.
31:31So we want to change that.
31:33Therapy involves, firstly, getting to know exactly why you're struggling, OK?
31:38Because I can offer you loads of new coping strategies.
31:42But often, unless we understand why the difficulties have come about in the first place,
31:47those coping strategies, they might work for a bit, but then another year down the line,
31:51the problems might come back again.
31:54Getting to the root cause of the problem is absolutely a priority.
31:57We need to understand the root cause so that someone can fully understand themselves
32:01and why the problems occurred in the first place.
32:03It's something that we absolutely have to do.
32:06And there might be lots of different things that have contributed to his difficulties.
32:10Sarah's first big challenge will be getting Josh to open up to her.
32:14Who do you want here with us?
32:17I don't know.
32:17It's whatever you feel comfortable with.
32:19You can keep coming in and out.
32:21That might be better, mightn't it?
32:22Yeah.
32:22OK, awesome.
32:23I'll just be in the kitchen.
32:24Thank you very much.
32:25Cheers.
32:28How's it going with Josh?
32:30He's just talking to her in the living room.
32:32Oh, well, let's hope it goes OK.
32:38Sarah's consultations with Josh will be private and confidential.
32:46I would say that this is definitely over our heads,
32:49because it's not something that we've ever dealt with in the past.
32:53I think part of being a parent is definitely knowing when you've done all that you can,
32:58you know, accepting that you definitely need outside help.
33:00Sarah believes that Josh's problems have been a long time in the making.
33:05He's stopped accessing life outside of the home, so he's not accessing any social life,
33:12any hobbies.
33:12He used to play football.
33:14He's not doing that anymore.
33:15He's not been able to access college like he wants to or any form of career.
33:20So, yeah, it's been massive.
33:22You all right?
33:23Yep, you all right.
33:24It's time to talk through with mum and dad.
33:26But in the past, I've been absolutely fine.
33:28What would cause the change?
33:29So, it might be like things have all bottled up and then something's triggered it to then feel
33:35overwhelming and that might be subconscious. So, it can be anything that causes that trigger.
33:41Getting to the root cause of Josh's anxiety and agoraphobia is going to take time.
33:48Josh is going to have to work really hard in therapy, working on all the strategies that he's got
33:52and with figuring out what the root causes are so that he can do well in the future.
33:58Do you feel like there's a positive future ahead?
34:01Well, I mean, I hope. I hope that there's a positive future ahead, but I'm not really sure, to be
34:06honest.
34:07You take care.
34:08OK, thank you.
34:10OK, see you again soon.
34:11Cheers and goodbye.
34:13I'm stuck in this hole and I guess it's kind of separating you from the actual real world.
34:20It stops me from being who I want to be or, like, doing stuff I want to do and the
34:26stuff outside
34:26the hole that you want to get to is all the stuff that you've never done before and you can't
34:32really
34:32get there because you're just trapped. I feel there's no way out of this.
34:50Over many weeks, Josh has been working with clinical psychologist Sarah.
34:56Transition between school and the next stage of your life. What was that like?
35:00To try and uncover the root cause of his anxiety.
35:03Definitely stressful, yeah. I guess I didn't really know what to do.
35:08It takes a lot of detective work to get to the bottom of the root cause of the problems.
35:14Hi, Josh. And it's rarely one thing that's caused the difficulties. It's lots of contributing
35:21factors. Lots of pieces of the puzzle that we have to kind of join together to help figure out
35:25what's causing the difficulties. What triggers you to feel anxious?
35:29I'm in a car and somebody's driving.
35:31Yeah. What don't you have in a car that you have when you're walking?
35:34You're not in as much control.
35:36Oh, yeah. Yeah? Especially if somebody else is driving in the car. Does that make sense?
35:41Yeah.
35:42It can be really hard for people to know what's caused the difficulties.
35:48A lot of it sometimes is in someone's subconscious, so they're not even aware of it.
35:53Unpealing a problem takes time. How has that contributed to your anxiety, do you think?
35:59I guess it's like you worry of what my options in the future.
36:03And that then worries you. You've got to watch me next.
36:08One particular issue has been spotted by Sarah.
36:12So I'm intrigued about this beard and this hair then, that we need to get you to the barbers.
36:16Would you go on your own?
36:17No. It's sitting there for like half an hour having my hair cut.
36:21It's because of the feeling trapped and like you can't escape.
36:24Well, maybe that's something we can add it to our list of things to work on.
36:28Yep.
36:29Josh's current appearance is symbolic of his difficulties of not being able to leave the house.
36:35He's not being able to access a barber's or a hairdresser's because that in itself,
36:40or even going in the car, is making him feel anxious. So as part of anxiety,
36:45what people often do is then avoid anything that makes them anxious.
36:51After many sessions, Sarah has made progress.
36:54I do think I know the contributing factors to the root cause of Josh's anxiety and agoraphobia.
37:00We still need to do some more work on that. And any of that that we do needs to stay
37:05between Josh
37:06and I for confidentiality reasons.
37:08Talking to the psychologist was probably the only time I really talked, like in depth,
37:15of how I'm feeling. It definitely is a relief. It's a load off my shoulders to just talk about my
37:22problems and get it out there really.
37:27To measure Josh's progress. Is there anything that you want to ask?
37:33Sarah wants to see if he's ready for his biggest test yet.
37:36Like what are we going to do when it's like too bad?
37:39Leaving the house and going to the barber's.
37:42We'll pause completely, do something different, whatever's going to keep you calm.
37:46And then we'll try again.
37:49It's something that we've worked towards and we've had to do some steps before that.
37:54If it's completely undoable, then we can leave it.
38:00So when we go outside, I'll get you to rate how anxious you're feeling out of 10.
38:06I'd definitely say I'm anxious on it.
38:09And I need you to remember to notice your breathing, your heart rate,
38:13if you start getting sweaty, let me know. Can I just reassure you, you're in control of this.
38:19OK, so if at any point you want us to stop, you just, you tell me.
38:24The plan is to attempt to make it to the hairdressers two miles away.
38:30Each time he does something that's anxiety provoking and uses his strategies,
38:34his brain and his body are learning that he is safe, that he can do these things,
38:40that he can tolerate anxiety. But I think it's going to be tough.
38:46I am very nervous for him. The last time he came out with me in the car was a long
38:50time ago
38:51and he didn't like it and went to turn around and come home.
38:54Even if he just gets there today, it's a massive step.
38:58I'm proud of you, Josh.
39:00Leaving the house, that will be a huge achievement.
39:06Josh is about to face his fears, head on.
39:12Are you OK?
39:14Yeah, I'm not.
39:15We're going to do it, aren't we?
39:17Mm-hm.
39:20Are we still feeling OK?
39:22Mm-hm.
39:24Then tell me what's going on in your body.
39:27My head feels a little bit weird.
39:29Where do we think might trigger feeling like a little bit higher?
39:33Yeah.
39:34The car happens more quicker.
39:39Even just the thought of travelling by car has been a problem for Josh.
39:44OK, so now that we're in the car, how are you feeling?
39:47I'd still say a three.
39:49Yeah? OK.
39:50Probably because I can see the house, but...
39:52OK.
39:56It was kind of bad last night.
39:57Probably didn't get to sleep till about four in the morning.
40:01So I'd definitely say I was very anxious last night.
40:05Are we nearly there?
40:10How are you feeling right now that we've stood outside?
40:14Like, I mean, as soon as I stepped out of the car,
40:15it definitely went up probably, like, four or five.
40:19OK. So we'll get walking, and I want you to remember to focus on
40:26saying things like, I'm safe.
40:29Having made it through the car journey...
40:31Is that it?
40:32..the next hurdle is entering the barbers.
40:35Noticing you're starting to tap.
40:37Yeah, fidgeting.
40:38Fidgeting? Mm.
40:39OK.
40:40I don't know if I can do this.
40:42You're in control.
40:43Tell me if it starts to creep up too fast too quickly.
40:46Mm.
40:46And we'll pause, OK?
40:51OK, let's go in.
40:54His hands are sweaty.
40:55I'm definitely always worried about having anxiety
40:59and panic attacks all the time.
41:02I guess, in a way, it makes my anxiety worse.
41:11It can make my anxiety last longer.
41:14Well, you're doing amazing.
41:16Yeah.
41:18I guess the main thing that I'm thinking is, like,
41:21when am I going to go back, kind of thing.
41:22We want you to know that you are in control.
41:24Yeah.
41:25Yeah.
41:32He had a bit of a wobble outside.
41:34And this is often the case, though.
41:36Our brains tell us that things are going to be way more scary
41:39than they actually are.
41:41It just gets bigger and bigger in our heads,
41:42whereas actually just the action of doing it immediately teaches us
41:46that we're OK.
41:55You're doing amazing.
41:56I'm just hoping he gives you a good haircut now.
41:59No pressure.
42:01I'm, like, pleasantly surprised at how calm he is.
42:05I was expecting him having to help control his anxiety
42:09a lot more than we're having to.
42:11Oh, my gosh.
42:12Look how long it is, Josh.
42:13It's that long.
42:15So, Josh, so far, is this as bad as you imagine it would be?
42:19It was worse outside,
42:20cos I didn't know what it was going to be like in here.
42:23Yeah.
42:23And then, I guess, when I got in here,
42:25then I realised it was fine.
42:27Yeah.
42:27Think we're scary, are we?
42:30Nah.
42:31I definitely didn't expect it to go look like this well.
42:34He's doing awesome.
42:42He's going to look like a new man.
42:45Well, this has been an eye-opener for me, I must say.
42:48I never knew so much went into a man's hair.
42:51It's been months since his last haircut.
42:53Yeah, it's good.
42:54Perfect.
42:55But Josh has done it.
42:59You did it.
43:00How are you feeling?
43:02I'm feeling good.
43:03Yeah?
43:04Yeah.
43:04Well, I'm proud of you.
43:05I mean, you've done absolutely amazing.
43:07Cool as a cucumber.
43:09All that's left now is to see if the family recognise a Josh
43:13they haven't seen for a long time.
43:15Hello.
43:16Oh, my God.
43:19We've got a new...
43:20Who are you?
43:22Long overdue, isn't it?
43:23Yeah, it was.
43:24Did awesome.
43:25Yeah, did awesome.
43:26Do you feel proud that you've been able to do it?
43:28Go on, get your hair cut and be all right.
43:31Yeah, definitely.
43:31Good.
43:32Well done, Josh.
43:34Josh's makeover has got everyone's approval.
43:36Now we can see he's doing this because he's made it work.
43:43Josh knows this is just the beginning.
43:45There's still a long road ahead, but I do hope that this will be like a time in the future
43:51that I can just look back into and see, like, this is when I turn my life around, I guess.
43:59What do you think of it then?
44:01It's really good.
44:02It's definitely the first step getting him back now.
44:03I do feel really good after doing that.
44:05I guess it's kind of shown me, like, what you're thinking.
44:08Your mind isn't actually always how it's going to play out.
44:11Talking about my problems definitely helps, because thinking about it and talking, like,
44:16two different things, because when you speak it, you kind of start to actually understand
44:21in a better way, definitely, like, help realise that you're not just dealing all of it on your own.
44:28If any of you out there are struggling, I encourage you seek out help, because it can really make a
44:33difference.
44:47And 22 Kids and Counting is back next Sunday at 8.
44:50And if you or someone you know has been affected by any issues in tonight's episode,
44:55please go to channel5.com slash helplines for information and support.
45:00From £30 for the weekly shop to having £2,000 burning a hole in her pocket,
45:05have Becky's dreams come true.
45:07Rich House Poor House is new next.