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00:00This programme contains strong language and themes of an adult nature.
00:05This is a no-holds-barred conversation.
00:08I would definitely check it out.
00:10Like reviews from their exes or the mum or something like that.
00:14A hundred foot.
00:14Yeah, trust pilot.
00:17I love that.
00:18Yay!
00:19Oh, let's buy a hat.
00:20We've got to go to the wedding.
00:22It's like so hard that they're even together.
00:25I don't think I have had a long-distance relationship
00:28but I've probably dated people and been really distant.
00:33I'm Sophie Gravia.
00:35I'm Christine McGuinness
00:36and we are here to be your situationship gurus.
00:39Okay, can we talk about what we actually done last week
00:42when we finished filming?
00:43So you were supposed to drive home.
00:45Right, well what happened was
00:47there was a diversion
00:50to a concert next door.
00:52Yep.
00:53And I just felt like it would be rude not to.
00:55No, I felt like it was very woman-empowering.
01:00I feel like you just got FOMO
01:01because I said I'm going to be after this
01:05and we ended up having a great night.
01:08I just felt like, you know, you really wanted me there
01:10and I needed to go.
01:13What we went to see, Ray.
01:15Yeah.
01:15Ray performing was just incredible.
01:17It was good vibes.
01:18The music was amazing.
01:20The little speeches that she gave in between.
01:23Oh my God, so emotional, wasn't it?
01:24She's an independent artist, so I love that.
01:27Yeah.
01:27And she did say something that struck with me
01:33and that was that she is in her dramatic era.
01:37She did.
01:38So.
01:38I feel like that concert was so dramatic.
01:41It was very dramatic.
01:42But I loved it.
01:43And I came away thinking, do you know what?
01:45I think I might be entering my dramatic era.
01:48Yeah, I'm here for that.
01:49Yeah, bring it on.
01:49Why not?
01:50We'll see who's playing tonight.
01:52Yeah.
01:54Okay, so today we are going to talk about
01:57people coming off the dating apps.
01:59So, apps-aff here in Scotland.
02:02So, basically, more people are coming off the dating apps
02:06and they're meeting people in real life.
02:08I think this is a good thing.
02:09I think it's a good thing as well
02:10because have you had experience with dating apps?
02:13Well, I've never been on a dating app
02:15and I get it.
02:15I get it for Gen Z completely
02:17because they don't know life without the dating apps.
02:20Whereas, for me, obviously I was married for a long time
02:23but when I've been single again,
02:25the only way that I knew how to meet people,
02:28I know the dating apps were there
02:29but for me, it was just going back to what I know
02:32and that was just meeting someone,
02:34feeling the energy, seeing people like that.
02:37The apps, for me, they seem quite scary
02:40because I've only ever heard of horror stories.
02:42You do hear a lot of horror stories
02:44but at the same time, I do know,
02:47like, loads of my close friends have met on dating apps
02:49and they're married and they've got kids and stuff now.
02:52Yeah.
02:53But, for me, I did, I've came,
02:56obviously I was single for a long time,
02:58I've used the dating apps on and off.
03:00Usually I would go on it for a couple of days
03:02and be like, fuck this and same shite
03:04and turn it off, like, straight away
03:06because I was so fed up of it.
03:08Did you ever meet anybody off a dating app?
03:10Yeah, like, I went on dates and stuff like that.
03:14But...
03:15How do you trust that it is who the profile says it is?
03:21So, usually, I would get them to send, like,
03:24a picture or something before they, like,
03:27so, like, if you're maybe talking on the dating app,
03:29I would then get them to, like,
03:31obviously as the conversation progressed or whatever,
03:34you maybe got them on WhatsApp
03:35and then it's a normal conversation.
03:36I would never just talk to someone,
03:38arrange to make a coffee
03:39and then I would always play it out a wee bit longer
03:42to make sure I felt comfortable as well
03:44more than it was the right person.
03:47But it was quite, it's quite difficult
03:49and now it makes me cringe a wee bit
03:51that I used to do that.
03:52But I think as well, a lot of people,
03:55if they're busy working lives
03:56or, you know, they can't always afford to go out
03:58every weekend,
03:59they might not want to meet somebody in a bar.
04:01So, I get that...
04:01I stopped drinking and I found it really hard
04:03because, obviously, when you're out as well,
04:05so you're missing that sort of social interaction,
04:08like, going around and chatting to people,
04:10it just wasn't there.
04:11And then I was like,
04:13right, okay, I'm just working all the time.
04:15We've heard of people getting catfished
04:17and I always think,
04:17well, surely you must have FaceTimed,
04:20surely you must have video called
04:21before you've met them.
04:22But obviously, you know,
04:23people, especially scammers,
04:25will come up with an excuse to not do that.
04:27Yeah, literally any excuse.
04:28But, you know, now it's not just, like,
04:31AI profiles where people are editing the pictures
04:34to maybe just look a little bit taller,
04:36a little bit slimmer,
04:37a little bit more tanned.
04:38Like, whatever they're doing,
04:39they're just editing the photos,
04:40like people do on everyday social media.
04:42There's that element.
04:43But there's this whole new thing now
04:46where people are creating AI profiles
04:50on dating sites
04:51where the actual person doesn't exist at all.
04:55So the whole, everything is AI.
04:59And they're doing it as scammers.
05:02So they obviously,
05:03they know how to read the conversation,
05:06tell the person what they want to hear.
05:08Even with my most recent situationship,
05:10we only met in person very briefly.
05:13She was with a mutual friend.
05:15So I felt comfortable enough to go over
05:17and say hello.
05:18But that is literal as it was.
05:19It was just a quick hello.
05:20And then from there,
05:21it was messaging through social media.
05:24And that was like for months
05:25before we actually went on a date.
05:27But it's only now discussing it
05:29that I'm thinking,
05:29actually, I still didn't know who.
05:32You were.
05:33Who I was going on a date with.
05:35I still,
05:36and I kept it very, very private
05:38because in my situation,
05:40in the public eye,
05:40I don't want that stuff everywhere
05:43until it's like a bit more serious.
05:45And this was a first date.
05:46So I wouldn't have wanted it to go everywhere.
05:48But yeah, I suppose I could have been safer
05:50than what I was really.
05:51I probably should have just let somebody know
05:53where I was going.
05:54Yeah, I think,
05:55I think that you would need to kind of let people know.
05:58Are you also,
05:59it's ideally meeting a public place.
06:01A public place, definitely.
06:02Yeah.
06:03Because I wouldn't feel comfortable
06:05meeting someone,
06:05some random guy
06:06and even someone that you've maybe met for a coffee.
06:09And then I used to hate this on dating apps
06:12for people that would say,
06:13come round to my house
06:14because obviously you're thinking,
06:16oh, we know what you're wanting.
06:17But at the same time,
06:19they could be fucking planning
06:20to do whatever with you.
06:22Yeah.
06:23And you don't know them.
06:24So again, really unsafe.
06:26I've got like a like 360 on my phone
06:29and my friends,
06:30we all watch each other's location.
06:31Make sure your phone's charged
06:32before you get there.
06:33Always tell someone exactly where you are.
06:36I don't,
06:36I thought I'll be completely honest.
06:38So before I went on this first date,
06:41I don't know full,
06:42like Google research,
06:44like satellite view of the house.
06:47Like literally,
06:48I checked out as much information.
06:50In a criminal record.
06:51Oh my God,
06:52literally checking everything.
06:54Yeah.
06:55I knew what school she went to.
06:57I knew her middle name
06:58when I told her,
07:00when I said it to her.
07:02And she didn't realise for weeks
07:04that I knew her middle name
07:05because I searched for it.
07:07Oh no.
07:07She laughed it off,
07:09thank God.
07:09But it was just something
07:11that I was,
07:11I was just checking out like,
07:13hey,
07:14but,
07:14and then obviously I wanted to know more
07:16and I thought actually,
07:16you know,
07:17I might as well do
07:17a whole police criminal check record
07:20and satellite Google Earth
07:22where she lives
07:22and where she works
07:24and went through every follower.
07:25No,
07:25I didn't.
07:26Just going back to AI very quickly,
07:29there's been some stuff recently online,
07:32AI pictures of me
07:33and my ex-husband
07:34and our three children.
07:36We've never shared photos
07:37of our three children ever.
07:39I've seen these.
07:40I've seen them.
07:41It comes up on my Facebook all the time
07:43and it makes me laugh so much.
07:45And the kid's gorgeous.
07:46I think they're so beautiful.
07:48They're not my kids.
07:49They're not your kids.
07:50They're AI images.
07:51But after I sit looking at them
07:53going,
07:53oh,
07:53oh,
07:54that could be my fourth thought.
07:58But yeah,
07:58so then,
07:59for anyone who doesn't know me personally
08:02would be reading this story.
08:04Like,
08:04she could have.
08:06She said herself
08:07when she did have a quick Google
08:08before we'd met up to date.
08:10She weren't sure
08:11if I was married or not
08:12because there's that much
08:14fake news out there
08:15and AI images
08:16and all of this.
08:16She was literally,
08:17I didn't know
08:18if you were getting in touch
08:20like wanting to meet up
08:20as friends
08:21or if Dave,
08:22like she didn't know
08:23because of what she saw online.
08:25I was at a book launch.
08:27I was speaking at a book launch,
08:29my book launch,
08:30and a girl in the audience
08:31because I was talking about
08:32how I think apps
08:34are going to be gone soon.
08:36I think more people
08:37are going out
08:38and blah,
08:38blah,
08:38blah.
08:39And I was saying,
08:39and I recommend that.
08:40Like,
08:40I think that's so much healthier
08:42and you're meeting people
08:43in person
08:43and so you can get that vibe.
08:45You can speak to somebody
08:46all day long
08:46and then they've got good chat
08:47and then you meet them
08:48in person
08:48and they're just fucking shit.
08:51So I was saying that
08:52and she put her hand up
08:54and she was so genuinely,
08:56she was lovely
08:57and she went,
08:58but I don't get it.
08:59Like,
09:00if you're saying
09:00don't use apps to date,
09:02how are you supposed
09:03to meet anyone?
09:04And I was like,
09:05you go out,
09:06like go to the gym
09:06and talk to people,
09:07like go to the bars
09:08or go wherever you want to go,
09:10like go to clubs
09:11and just start speaking to people.
09:13And she was like,
09:14what?
09:15And then,
09:15but then how do you say,
09:16like,
09:16do you want to go for a drink
09:17and I went,
09:18just like the way
09:19that you've said it.
09:20so.
09:21But I get it
09:22and I would be the same,
09:23they haven't got that confidence.
09:24Yeah,
09:25because they've never had to though.
09:26They've never had to do
09:27anything like that.
09:29But yeah,
09:30I think it's changing
09:31and I think
09:32it's probably the right thing.
09:34I think so,
09:36definitely.
09:36I think you need to see
09:37each other in person.
09:38You need to,
09:39I think energy is a big thing.
09:41It's a real thing
09:41and you can't feel
09:42somebody's energy
09:43over a phone.
09:44Screen, yeah.
09:46But,
09:46if there was
09:47an app
09:49that existed
09:50and it kind of had
09:50reviews on there
09:52of the person
09:53that you're planning on dating,
09:54I would definitely check it out.
09:56Yeah.
09:56Like reviews from their exes
09:57or the mum
09:58or something like that.
10:00Yeah.
10:01Trust pilot.
10:01Trust pilot.
10:02Yeah.
10:03So we need that.
10:05We definitely do.
10:06Although I don't know,
10:07what would your exes say about you?
10:09Oh,
10:09five star all the way.
10:10Let's move on to
10:11the spotlight.
10:18Okay,
10:19so over to our
10:20hot mess hotline.
10:21And this is a 28 year old.
10:24She wants to remain anonymous
10:26and it's been voiced
10:27by someone else.
10:28Okay,
10:29let's listen.
10:30I met this guy at a bar.
10:31We swapped numbers
10:32and the next day
10:33he asked me out on a date.
10:34It was very casual.
10:35We met up for drinks.
10:37I offered to pay for mine
10:38but he wouldn't let me.
10:39I'd say we had a nice time.
10:40However,
10:41the following day
10:41he messaged me
10:42and asked if I could send him
10:4330 pounds to cover
10:44some of the drinks
10:45from the night before.
10:46I was a bit confused
10:47but I sent it to him.
10:49He asked me for another fiver
10:50and another date
10:51since then
10:52but I've ignored him.
10:54I'm not sure
10:54I should have sent him
10:55the money in the first place.
10:57What do you think?
10:58Was it the right thing to do?
11:00Uh,
11:01no,
11:02that is the absolute ick.
11:04I hate that.
11:06No,
11:07yeah,
11:07like,
11:08why would you do that?
11:09When you,
11:10when you're on a date,
11:11right,
11:12if you,
11:12especially if you've been dating
11:13for a while.
11:14Yep.
11:14I think splitting the bill
11:15sometimes
11:16or taking it in turns
11:18or whatever,
11:18however you want to do it
11:19is nice.
11:21going out and splitting the bill
11:22it makes me feel physically sick.
11:23I hate it.
11:24I absolutely hate it.
11:25I would rather just go,
11:26I'll pay this.
11:27Exactly.
11:27Because I hate that.
11:28Yeah,
11:29I hate it.
11:30But just take,
11:30take tons,
11:31like,
11:32they would pay it one week,
11:33I would pay it the following week
11:34if that's how you want to do it.
11:35Oh no,
11:35she's on a first date.
11:36This is her first date
11:37and they haven't even asked
11:39for the money on the date.
11:41It's been afterwards
11:41as she's gone home,
11:42she's got a message
11:44of Justin for money.
11:45He's obviously
11:46tried to act like
11:47Billy Big Balls
11:48when he's on the date
11:49and then went home
11:50and checked his bank balance
11:51and thought,
11:52Matt,
11:53Amazon Prime's coming out.
11:54I think he stood outside going,
11:56I haven't got enough cash
11:57to get in my cab,
11:57I'm going to have to ask her
11:58for the money now.
11:59Or he could be a scammer.
12:01He could be a scammer
12:02and this is what he does.
12:03What was the extra fiver for?
12:05I know,
12:06I don't know.
12:06Oh,
12:07it's interesting.
12:08What banks are you?
12:11He gave her a tap.
12:12She gave him a tap.
12:14Oh my God.
12:15No,
12:16I would have sent the money
12:20because it's half of what you've done
12:22but I would have made a mental note,
12:23like,
12:24do not go back out with this guy.
12:25Do you know what?
12:26I think honestly,
12:27and I'm not even,
12:28like,
12:28I wouldn't laugh
12:29and I wouldn't judge
12:30on someone's financial position
12:32but I would prefer somebody
12:34to be honest with me
12:37or don't even,
12:37you don't even need to tell me
12:38about your money worries
12:40but plan a date
12:41where it's not going to cost you
12:42if you can't afford it.
12:44I'm not going to judge.
12:44I'd probably prefer something
12:46that's not in a bar,
12:47like something casual anyway.
12:49It doesn't need to cost an awful lot.
12:51So I think it's,
12:52yeah,
12:52it's quite sad that
12:54he's done something
12:55that he obviously couldn't afford
12:58and then now it's backfired
13:00because she's not going to want
13:01a second date.
13:01Okay,
13:02we've got another one.
13:03Okay.
13:03I love it when we have to.
13:05Right,
13:05okay.
13:05So this is a 21-year-old girl.
13:08She also wants to remain anonymous
13:10and someone's voiced it up.
13:12Okay.
13:14Hi guys.
13:15Firstly,
13:15I just want to say
13:16how much I've loved
13:17your previous episodes
13:18and I'm so glad
13:19that you're back.
13:19I actually listened
13:20to series one
13:21while I was navigating
13:22my first relationship.
13:24Basically,
13:24I'd like never had any interest
13:25in men or women
13:27and I honestly thought
13:28that I was asexual.
13:29I had convinced myself
13:30but at the same time,
13:31I had found out
13:33that this guy that I knew
13:34was interested in me
13:35and I was a massive virgin
13:37so I had no clue what to do
13:39but listening to your podcast
13:41actually convinced me
13:42that maybe I should
13:43give him a chance.
13:44So I did.
13:45And a little bit of alcohol,
13:46one thing led to another
13:48and dot, dot, dot,
13:49I'm a virgin no more.
13:50We kept things going then
13:51and we're currently
13:53nearing our sixth month
13:54anniversary.
13:56So my question for you guys is
13:57can your first love
13:59last forever?
14:01Oh.
14:02I love that.
14:04Oh my God.
14:07I love that.
14:08Yay.
14:08Oh, let's buy a hat.
14:10We've got to go to the wedding.
14:12It's like it's too much
14:12that they're even together.
14:15Clearly, we think that
14:16it's going to last.
14:17It's going to last forever.
14:20Do you know,
14:21I think,
14:22I'd like to believe that,
14:23yeah,
14:24that that still can happen.
14:25Yeah.
14:26I think it's rare
14:27in today's world
14:28because of how accessible
14:29everybody is.
14:30Like we've said,
14:31just meeting people
14:32out and about
14:32and then with social media
14:33and everything else,
14:34it's not like how it was
14:36years ago.
14:37And I think about
14:38like me grandparents,
14:40it would be highly unusual
14:42for anyone in that generation
14:44for the mum and dads
14:45to be separated
14:46or, you know,
14:47the way things are now
14:48with blended families,
14:49step-parents,
14:50in-laws,
14:50like everything
14:50is a lot more
14:52open and mixed.
14:53But I like to believe
14:55that there is them
14:56old school couples
14:57like your nans and granddads
14:58that met,
15:00fell madly in love
15:01at 16
15:01and stayed together forever.
15:02Yeah, but I think as well
15:03the fact that she's 21
15:04so she's not 16 or 15
15:07so she has got a bit
15:09of life experience as well
15:10on her side.
15:11But no relationship
15:12or sexual experience
15:13with anybody else.
15:15Yeah, I know.
15:16I know.
15:17I know.
15:18But if you had only slept
15:20with one person
15:21do you think you'd be curious
15:25now at this age?
15:28I think it depends
15:29on the nature of you.
15:30If your relationship
15:31is happy
15:32in every single way
15:33then I don't think
15:34it would ever
15:35even cross your mind
15:36to look at anybody else.
15:36I don't think,
15:37I think if you were satisfied
15:40then you would.
15:41And there are people
15:42that don't want
15:43to explore that much
15:44who are a bit more,
15:45not closed off
15:46but just protective
15:47of themselves.
15:47It might be self-respect,
15:49it might simply be that
15:50good for anybody else
15:51if you want to go
15:52and date and have fun
15:53and have one night stands.
15:54If you want to do that
15:55for your own experience
15:56that's up to you.
15:57But she might think
15:58actually,
15:59do you know what,
15:59it's took this long
16:00for her to even think
16:01about being intimate
16:02with someone.
16:04And like she said,
16:05thanks to us,
16:06it's happened
16:07and she's happy.
16:08You're welcome.
16:08Yeah, so it might just be
16:11that actually she's comfortable
16:13with just this one person
16:14and doesn't need anybody else.
16:16Maybe it's absolutely
16:18incredible in bed
16:19and it's not all about that anyway
16:21but she's happy.
16:22She's struck gold
16:23with the first one.
16:23Yeah.
16:24Thanks to us.
16:25Just say that again.
16:27But yeah,
16:28I'd like to think
16:29that it could last forever.
16:30Yeah, me too.
16:34So this week's drama draft
16:36has come from Dua Lipa
16:37and she is talking about
16:38how to make
16:39long distance relationship works
16:41because her and her fiancé
16:43have spent the last year
16:46most of the time apart
16:48because she's touring.
16:49So of course,
16:50it's going to be hard.
16:51She's touring all over the world.
16:52So they've barely seen each other
16:53for the last year
16:54and she's done this interview
16:56where she's talking about
16:57how difficult it can be,
17:00what she does to stay connected.
17:02Have you ever had
17:03a long distance relationship?
17:05I don't think I have
17:06had a long distance relationship
17:08but I've probably
17:09dated people
17:10and been really distant.
17:14So they've probably felt
17:16like they're in
17:16a long distance relationship
17:18because I'm constantly like,
17:19oh, I need to do this.
17:20I'll have my baby free next week.
17:22But no,
17:22I've not physically been
17:23in a long distance relationship.
17:26What's considered long distance?
17:29So I suppose anything.
17:32So I suppose if I was dating
17:34someone down in London,
17:35they lived in London,
17:36I lived up here in Scotland,
17:37that would be long distance.
17:40I don't know.
17:41But you go everywhere.
17:43So it is for the average person,
17:45probably.
17:46Yeah, I suppose it is.
17:47So obviously I live in Cheshire.
17:50My situation is in London
17:51and the majority of them
17:52usually is always down in London
17:54because that's where I work.
17:55And I quite like that
17:57it's separate from my own life.
18:00I like the double life kind of thing
18:02and that it doesn't mix in.
18:04But I think that's just me for now.
18:07So for now,
18:07I quite like the distance.
18:10Whereas if somebody
18:11was just 20 minutes away,
18:12obviously you're going to
18:13see each other a lot more.
18:15You're probably going to
18:16move faster.
18:17You're probably going to
18:18bond quicker.
18:19You're going to be
18:21in each other's life
18:22a hell of a lot more.
18:23Whereas I quite like
18:26that my adult life,
18:27my social life,
18:28my work life
18:29is in a completely
18:30different location
18:31to my home life.
18:32So how do you keep
18:33that obviously then
18:34when you're in the house,
18:36how do you keep
18:36your relationship
18:37or your situationship
18:39functioning then?
18:40Like what's your tips
18:41for people that are
18:41in long distance relationships?
18:43We're really,
18:44really blessed
18:45with technology.
18:46Yes.
18:46If you think about
18:47like years ago
18:48for couples,
18:51families who maybe
18:52were in the military
18:53and the army,
18:54their partners
18:55would be going off
18:55for months or years.
18:56Right, I'll see you later.
18:57Yeah,
18:58but it would be a letter
18:59and you'd be lucky
19:00if it got there.
19:01But now,
19:01you know,
19:01obviously we've got
19:02FaceTime,
19:03we can call,
19:04we can text.
19:05There's loads of ways
19:05to keep in touch.
19:06So definitely communication
19:08and just keeping in touch
19:09which is good.
19:09But I don't say this lightly
19:11because it's not a nice thing.
19:13I really,
19:13really felt for someone.
19:14I was in a situationship
19:15with someone quite briefly
19:17who really,
19:19really struggled.
19:20Not necessarily
19:20with trust like with me
19:22because I'm definitely
19:25a one woman woman.
19:28I haven't got time
19:29for any more than that.
19:30But just within herself,
19:32really,
19:32really struggled
19:33with the,
19:34we couldn't be together
19:35as often as what
19:36she would have liked
19:37because of the distance.
19:38Whereas I think
19:39because the only,
19:42the only really,
19:43really important relationship
19:45that I've had like long term
19:46was obviously my marriage
19:48and I spent so much time
19:49on my own
19:50that for me,
19:51I'm okay with being
19:53on my own
19:54and that was my normal.
19:55So,
19:56because my ex-husband
19:57worked away so much
19:58and I mean for like
20:00weeks on end,
20:01like whether it was
20:02down in London
20:04and I couldn't go
20:04because I had the kids
20:05or if he was like
20:06in Timbuktu
20:07filming something somewhere.
20:08Like he was always
20:09traveling around the world.
20:10So I was just always
20:11quite used to doing
20:12three,
20:13four weeks on my own
20:14and just keeping in touch
20:15of it
20:15and that was normal.
20:16But now dating again,
20:18like it is,
20:20for me,
20:20it's a bit wilder
20:21and much people,
20:22like they want to be together
20:23all the time.
20:24Whereas I'm kind of like,
20:26I need my space
20:28and I like it.
20:29Yeah.
20:29I think if you're upfront
20:31about that,
20:31then.
20:32Yeah.
20:33I don't,
20:33I don't need to be glued
20:35to someone permanently
20:36and do everything
20:37with them.
20:38Yeah.
20:38Obviously,
20:39you get to a point
20:40where you're like,
20:40oh,
20:41I miss them,
20:41I wish I had
20:41to see them again.
20:42But I'm kind of like,
20:44do you know what,
20:45if I get a night to myself
20:46now and again,
20:47gorgeous.
20:48Yeah,
20:49I think the most important
20:50thing is obviously
20:51you need to maintain
20:52your own person.
20:53So basically,
20:54if you're doing
20:55a long distance thing,
20:56I think the most important
20:57thing is you still
20:58go about your routine,
20:59you still go to the gym,
21:00you still go blah, blah,
21:01and then they fit in
21:02part of it.
21:03I think it's so important.
21:04It's so important
21:05to keep your independence,
21:06keep your own friends,
21:07keep your own life,
21:08everything,
21:08keep your own hubby,
21:09it's like,
21:10don't drop it all
21:11for anybody.
21:12How do you think,
21:13I think the hardest thing
21:14about a long distance
21:15relationship,
21:16and it's probably,
21:18because I just,
21:20I just find that
21:21difficult to trust
21:23lots of people.
21:25But yeah,
21:25I think it would just be,
21:27if they were over there,
21:30see,
21:30I'm imagining someone
21:32in Australia now,
21:33so if someone was in Australia
21:35and you were here,
21:36and you're just,
21:37I think it would be
21:38really,
21:38really difficult
21:39to trust that person
21:40when you're going,
21:42well,
21:43years or months,
21:44whatever,
21:45like,
21:45without them.
21:46How do you think?
21:48I just think,
21:49for me personally,
21:50I just think
21:52that if somebody's
21:53going to do something,
21:54they're going to do it anyway
21:55and there's nothing you can do,
21:56and it's never your fault,
21:57first of all.
21:58Like,
21:58it's not what you look like
22:00or,
22:00you know,
22:02whatever you wore that week
22:03or whatever,
22:03it's nothing you said.
22:04It is literally,
22:05if somebody's an opportunist
22:06or a bit silly
22:07or whatever,
22:08if they're going to cheat,
22:08they're going to cheat.
22:09So first of all,
22:10just,
22:12I think people waste
22:14a lot of energy
22:16thinking about trusting
22:17and not trusting,
22:18is she doing this
22:19or where is he
22:20or what are they up to
22:21and those things
22:21that keep people awake
22:22at night,
22:23just drop it out of your mind
22:25because there's nothing
22:26you can do.
22:27Yeah.
22:27If you're at that point,
22:28if you're literally like,
22:29you're really,
22:30really feeling,
22:31you got that,
22:31there's something not right,
22:32if they're not answering the phone,
22:34if they're not where
22:34they said they were
22:35or whatever,
22:35or you've seen them
22:36with somebody they said they were,
22:37then you've seen the red flags
22:40and you've got your reason
22:41to not trust them,
22:42then just walk away.
22:43Yeah,
22:43then if you don't trust,
22:44then that's it.
22:44So how would you maintain trust
22:47then for a long distance?
22:48I think reassurance,
22:49obviously,
22:50is always good.
22:51I've got nothing against
22:52if somebody is feeling
22:52a little bit insecure
22:53and they need a bit more reassurance,
22:55I'm happy to be,
22:56you know,
22:56remind,
22:57remind them,
22:57like,
22:58yeah,
22:58look,
22:58it's just me and you,
22:59I'm just busy,
22:59sorry I didn't answer the phone,
23:00whatever.
23:02Obviously,
23:03communication,
23:04I think,
23:05it depends how far
23:06you want to take it.
23:07I personally think,
23:09like,
23:09sharing your location,
23:11when you,
23:12just to make sure
23:13that you want
23:13where you say you are,
23:14I think that's,
23:15that's a bit too much.
23:16I don't want,
23:17I wouldn't want it,
23:18I wouldn't feel comfortable
23:19doing that with Cass.
23:20I don't even know why
23:21because he knows
23:23where I'm all the time,
23:23but then at the same time
23:25he could pick up the phone
23:26and just say,
23:26where are you?
23:27So,
23:27but I just feel like
23:28that's too much.
23:29I don't like that
23:30because it would be the idea
23:31that I'm to the shop,
23:33no,
23:33you're done at the petrol station,
23:35do you know what I mean?
23:35Like,
23:35why would you do that with someone?
23:37I hate that idea.
23:38But,
23:39no,
23:40I think communication
23:41would be the main one
23:42because,
23:43just text
23:44at the end of the night
23:45and like,
23:46you're lying in your bed at night
23:47and it's just chilled.
23:48Yeah,
23:49learn to be okay with it.
23:50It's not even like
23:51you have to trust someone
23:52because like you said,
23:53you find it hard to,
23:54so do I,
23:54I don't know if I will ever
23:55completely,
23:56100% trust anybody
23:58or I trust myself
24:00to kind of just,
24:01you know,
24:02review it when I need to.
24:03Yeah,
24:03if you,
24:04if you feel like something,
24:05there's no point
24:06in wasting time over it.
24:07Yeah,
24:07yeah.
24:07If you feel like something's off,
24:08it will show.
24:09Exactly,
24:10yeah.
24:13Oh,
24:14it's a would you rather.
24:15Okay.
24:16Okay,
24:17I love this game already.
24:19Right,
24:19okay.
24:20Would you rather be the person
24:21who has to dump someone
24:23or be dumped yourself?
24:24Oh my God.
24:26I'm the dumper.
24:27Yeah,
24:28so,
24:28I am the dumper
24:30but I would rather be dumped.
24:32I hate it.
24:33I absolutely
24:34hate it.
24:36The guilt
24:37that I feel
24:38watching somebody upset
24:41traumatises me
24:42and I find myself
24:43in this situation
24:44too many times
24:45where I've ended up
24:45doing it,
24:47seeing the upset
24:47and then I go,
24:48all right,
24:49okay then,
24:49well maybe we can just
24:50try a bit longer
24:51and then it gets worse
24:52and worse.
24:53I absolutely hate it.
24:55My friend gave me
24:56a really good bit
24:57of advice
24:57because it had been
24:58going on so long
24:59where it was just upsetting
25:00both of us
25:02and he was just like,
25:03sometimes you have
25:04literally just got to
25:06end it.
25:07You've got to end it
25:08like ripping off
25:09the band-aid,
25:10don't pull the plaster
25:10off slowly
25:11because it's going
25:11to hurt.
25:12Yeah,
25:12just rip it off.
25:13Finish it.
25:14Yeah.
25:14I think that 100%,
25:16I think you just
25:16have to be direct
25:18and then block
25:20and move on.
25:21like stick to your
25:21decision.
25:22The back and forth
25:23thing makes it worse.
25:24It's too messy.
25:25Yeah.
25:25It's just a headache.
25:27Okay,
25:27next one.
25:28Would you rather
25:29accidentally send nudes
25:30to your boss
25:31or to your parents?
25:34Is it weird
25:35that Abby
25:35didn't really care?
25:36If I accidentally
25:37sent anything
25:38to my mum,
25:39she would annihilate me.
25:41Not just because
25:42it's a noob,
25:43but she would be like,
25:44I told you I don't
25:45like your hair like that
25:46and you've lost weight
25:48and you haven't been
25:49sleeping off you.
25:50Get them eyelashes off.
25:51That would be me,
25:52my mum would ruin
25:53my life.
25:54My mum would be like,
25:56it's time to go
25:56see Father Brown
25:58get your stuff
25:58you're going
25:59down to the chapel.
26:02No,
26:02no,
26:03I would rather
26:03send,
26:04but rather than
26:05my boss
26:05I would still
26:06send it to my parents.
26:07Would you rather
26:08your partner
26:09protect your feelings
26:10with a lie
26:11or always be
26:12brutally honest?
26:13Oh,
26:14be brutally honest,
26:14give it to me.
26:15Yeah,
26:16no,
26:17I'm fine with
26:18a white lie there
26:19if it makes me feel good.
26:20Just don't do it
26:21and like dodge it.
26:22I want honesty
26:22but I also want you
26:23to be able to handle it
26:25when I'm really
26:26pissed off
26:27with what you've just said.
26:29What do you mean
26:30a lot like shit?
26:31No,
26:31I don't.
26:31Look at my ears
26:31and she's a bastard.
26:34Okay,
26:35this is my favourite one.
26:37Okay.
26:38Would you rather
26:38give up sex
26:39or food?
26:40Oh,
26:41this is easy for me.
26:44I would rather
26:45give up food.
26:46You would rather
26:47give up food?
26:48Yeah,
26:49I would.
26:49I'm not a big foodie,
26:51I'm a very passionate woman.
26:53I know what I like to eat.
26:55It's not the food,
26:56okay.
26:59So,
27:00I would probably
27:01pick the same
27:02but I'm not going to lie,
27:03a spicy chicken pizza
27:04and some truffle fries.
27:06I would miss it big time.
27:09Would you?
27:09Yeah.
27:10You wouldn't miss sex?
27:11I would miss sex,
27:12I would pick sex
27:13but at the same time
27:14like,
27:14I fucking love food.
27:16Yeah,
27:17no,
27:17I'd love fucking...
27:20She said she'd
27:22fucking love food.
27:24I fucking love love,
27:25okay.
27:27On that note,
27:30should we go and eat?
27:33If you would like advice
27:35on your situationship,
27:36then contact us
27:37at situationships
27:39at bbc.co.uk
27:40and on WhatsApp
27:42on 08000 2224448.
27:45Please only contact us
27:47if you are over 18.
27:48Further information
27:49can be found
27:50at bbc.co.uk
27:52forward slash
27:53Radio Scotland.
27:54at bbc.co.uk
27:54at bbc.co.uk
27:54at bbc.co.uk
27:54at bbc.co.uk
27:56at bbc.co.uk
27:57at bbc.co.uk
27:57at bbc.co.uk
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