00:00Sa panahon ngayon, marami na rin tayong nakikita mga magulang na aktibong sumusuporta talaga sa mga pangarap at talento ng
00:06kanilang mga anak.
00:07Pero hanggang saan nga ba ang suporta ng isang magulang?
00:10Kailan naman ito nagiging sobra na at nauwi sa pagiging kontrolado ng isang magulang sa kanilang mga anak?
00:17Kaya upang mas maunawaan natin ang pagkakaiba niyan at magbigay linaw sa sitwasyon na yan,
00:22ating mong makakasama ngayong umaga si Doc Justin Ray Chavez, isang psychologist.
00:26Good morning po, Doc, and welcome to Rise and Shine, Pilipinas.
00:31Good morning po, and again, thank you so much again for having the show. Maraming salamat po, and good morning.
00:37Thank you po.
00:38Good morning, Doc. Diana at Ice po ito.
00:40Alright, first of all, Doc, ano po bang pagkakaiba ng isang supportive na nanay at yung sa tinatawag naman na
00:46controlling mom?
00:48Okay, ang big difference po kasi pag sinabing supporting mom and controlling mom,
00:52and we say, as a supportive mom, basically, it provides a support, it provides encouragement, it listens to their children.
01:00And then on the other end, pag sinabi po natin yung controlling mom,
01:03okay, they're the one na sila po yung nakasabi when it comes to their perspective,
01:09kung ano pong interest nila as their parents, they instill it to their kids,
01:13or in, nang ngayari po ay control na,
01:15and they don't listen to the perspective of the kid, basically.
01:21So, that's the problem, and that's the big difference po,
01:24when it comes to the big difference, when it comes to supporting and controlling mom.
01:29So, ganun po.
01:30Okay, Doc. Ako po, mom of two po ako, and I have a seven-year-old.
01:33So, yung ginagawa ko po dun sa seven-year-old,
01:36inoobserve ko naman kung ano yung mga trip niya.
01:38I make her try all, kunwari, all the genres na sa dancing or singing,
01:45and then, inoobserve ko kung ano yung masaya siya or mas encouraging.
01:50Pero kailan po ba natin masasabing nagiging hindi na healthy,
01:53o yung sobrang nagiging involved ang magulang sa kanilang buhay,
01:58or yung career din na gusto nila?
02:02Actually po, ma'am, when we say, when it comes to the controlling side,
02:07kaya mas nagiging dominantly po kasi yung pressure over passion.
02:11So, nagiging problem kasi yung ganun communication
02:13when it comes to the relationship ng magulang at ng bata.
02:17So, importante rin po that we also listen to the interest of the child
02:20kasi kung ano pong gusto natin as a parent, for example,
02:24at ini-instill natin sa mga bata,
02:26ang nagiging problem is, they become, I mean, at some point,
02:29they might be pressured kaya dun sa ini-instill natin to them.
02:32And importante po that we also confirm if they also want
02:36the thing that we also do want.
02:38So, dapat po we also get the perspective of the children,
02:41we also get the lenses of these children
02:44para po mas maintindihan natin,
02:46para mas magkaroon ng lina,
02:48kaya para mas magkaroon po ng understanding,
02:50especially sa kung ano rin gusto ng mga bata.
02:54Importante po kasi that we do listen to their interests,
02:57hindi lang po dahil ito ang gusto natin,
03:00ito ang pangarap natin ng bata tayo bilang parents,
03:02but also we need to listen kung ano pong gusto ng mga bata.
03:05Kasi nagiging problem po na some parents,
03:09dahil hindi po nila na-achieve ang isang certain goal ng bata sila,
03:13ang nangyari, they become,
03:16they dominantly ask their children,
03:19they dominantly control their children,
03:21na dapat they also being mold kung ano gusto nila before,
03:24and now they're doing it to their child.
03:26Gano'n po yung nangyari.
03:27Alright, just for clarification,
03:29anong context ito?
03:30Ito ba yung sobrang bata o medyo adulthood level na?
03:35Kasi syempre kapag sa bata,
03:38naririnig ko rin ito sa mga nanay na hindi mo naman pwede ibigay lahat ng gusto,
03:42hindi ba?
03:43Parang minsan sinasabi,
03:44I just want the best for my child,
03:47so I really have to guide her or guide him.
03:50Pero at paano ba ito babalayan si Hindok?
03:52Kasi hindi mo naman din pwedeng hayaan ng hayaan,
03:54kasi also kailangan din ng guidance.
03:57Ano ba yung pupwede mong maging advice diyan?
04:00At what are the signs or yung mga senyales na,
04:03teka lang, parang ito naman ay toxic na,
04:05o sobra naman yung pagkakontrol.
04:07Pero some others would say na,
04:09oh, I'm just advising and I'm just concerned.
04:11Well, I want the best for my child.
04:12How do you balance this opposing or two different,
04:17siguro context or opinions about this?
04:21Actually po, when it comes to that kind of perspective,
04:24yung unang-una po siguro, we need to also,
04:27I mean, control naman po,
04:28again, we,
04:28hindi naman po yung posible na dapat,
04:30na hindi naman dapat talaga tanggalin agad yung control.
04:33Importante pa rin po that there's also a sense of control.
04:37But at some point,
04:38kapag medyo abusive na po,
04:40for example, nakikita nyo,
04:41hindi na maayos yung tulog ng bata,
04:43especially po yung nagpupuyat na,
04:45and then resulting to affected na yung
04:47daily activities niya sa school,
04:50that's number one.
04:50Number two,
04:51let's also check yung academic performance,
04:54okay,
04:55kung nagiging malaking effect na po yung
04:58overly supportive natin,
05:00nakikita nagiging spoiled na po yung bata,
05:02okay,
05:03kung spoiled na yun,
05:04at some point,
05:05we need to also say,
05:06that some kids also become spoiled rat,
05:09nangyari po,
05:10yung kanilang behaviors,
05:11nagiging
05:13overly confident,
05:15okay,
05:15at some people become,
05:16dahil supportive of their parents,
05:18and resulting for some kids,
05:19they become
05:20bullied,
05:21bullies at school,
05:22so,
05:23yun po naging result,
05:24so,
05:24we need to also control the possibilities na,
05:27we control them,
05:28okay,
05:29for the purpose of,
05:30for them to also develop,
05:32we do support them,
05:33for the purpose that we want to support,
05:35kung ano pong gusto nila,
05:36but also,
05:37we want to be mindful,
05:39dun sa konsepto na,
05:41we support them with the purpose,
05:43we support them,
05:43kasi,
05:44gusto natin sila maging mold,
05:46properly mold sa kanilang,
05:47once as well,
05:49pero dapat po,
05:49maging aware tayo,
05:50dun sa magiging results,
05:52when it comes to their behavior,
05:53kasi minsan,
05:54dahil supportive sila,
05:55tapos kapag,
05:55at some point po,
05:56hindi nyo nasuportahan,
05:58yung isang,
05:59isang,
05:59alam ba,
05:59one day po,
06:00na hindi nila,
06:01nagustuhan yung support nyo,
06:03probably,
06:04kaya magiging spoiled po,
06:05at some point,
06:06there will be emotionally,
06:08um,
06:09appreciated po,
06:11and disregulated na yung emotions yun,
06:12because of it,
06:13so,
06:13dapat po,
06:14dapat parating may limitations,
06:17parati,
06:17hindi lang po parating,
06:18bigay lang ang bigay,
06:20okay,
06:20importante po,
06:21lalo po sa monetary,
06:22for example,
06:23kailangan po alam natin,
06:25hanggang saan lang po,
06:26ang monetary,
06:27hanggang saan lang po,
06:27ang dapat natin supporta,
06:29ibigay sa mga bata,
06:30gano'n lang po.
06:31So,
06:31yung guidance,
06:32at may limit din,
06:33Doc,
06:33and dapat inoobserve natin,
06:35yung reaction,
06:36or yung,
06:36yung reaction ng mga bata,
06:39ano po ba yung mga ibang paraan,
06:40para mapakita natin,
06:41bilang magulang,
06:42ang support sa ating mga anak,
06:45at nagiging sobrang kontrolado,
06:47kunwari yung mga teenager ngayon,
06:48syempre,
06:49di ba,
06:49yun yung dapat talaga,
06:50nakatutok tayo,
06:51minsan,
06:52kasi,
06:53umiiwas sila,
06:54or nagiging secretive,
06:56sa magulang,
06:57syempre,
06:57puberty,
06:58ganyan.
06:59So,
06:59paano naman natin ito,
07:01imamanage?
07:03So,
07:04when it comes to management,
07:05when it comes to communication,
07:07keyportante,
07:07important rin po yung,
07:09um,
07:10I think,
07:11when it comes to the family practice,
07:13let's also start doing,
07:14yung sabay-sabay po kumain.
07:16Let's do on the basics siguro po,
07:17first.
07:18Importante kasi that the kid,
07:19also start doing the communications,
07:22sa pagkain,
07:23keyportante kasi,
07:25nangyayari rin,
07:26lalo po ngayon,
07:26nangyayari na,
07:28ah,
07:28ginagawa ng mga bata,
07:30dahil wala silang friends sa school,
07:32tas even sa bahay,
07:33wala sila nakakausap,
07:34it develops some depressive symptoms.
07:36Wala silang release ng stress,
07:38walang release ng tension,
07:40walang release ng,
07:41I mean,
07:41at some point,
07:42normal naman po mag-asaran sa school.
07:44And for some kids,
07:45lalo po ngayon,
07:46the sensitivity might pressure them.
07:48And importante na,
07:49kung hindi po kayang mag-release ng,
07:51magkwento ng ating mga anak,
07:53try to also start doing the communication.
07:55Kasi,
07:56the fact that you do start
07:57communicating to your children,
07:59okay,
07:59sila po mismo,
08:01okay,
08:01isisignal nila,
08:02nahanap-hanapin na po nila yung ganung
08:04communication from you,
08:06okay,
08:06tapos at some point,
08:07it's a good start for us as well,
08:10na masimulan po
08:13yung ganung communication.
08:15After you start those kind of communication,
08:18it can also build confidence po
08:20na kahit stress sila,
08:21may release at meron silang
08:23safe space,
08:24kung tawagin po,
08:25which is our hope.
08:27Yan yun ba.
08:28Doc,
08:28di ba may mga iba't-ibang types of parenting?
08:30Narinig ko yan yun.
08:31Helicopter.
08:32Hindi ba yun mga ganyan?
08:33Nakatutok masyado.
08:34Ganun ba yun,
08:35yung controlling?
08:37Kasi,
08:38yun ba yun yung mga term?
08:41Bawat galaw, no?
08:42Oo,
08:42babantayan nung nanay,
08:44ganyan eh.
08:45Pero,
08:45marami mga advice si Doc,
08:47on how to spot
08:49if you are actually
08:49very controlling now
08:50of your children.
08:51Well,
08:52thank you so much,
08:52Doc Justin Ray Chavez,
08:54sa pagbigay ng insights
08:55patungkol sa ating paksa
08:56ngayong umaga.
08:57Salamat po, Doc.
08:59Thank you so much, Doc.
09:00Thank you so much,
Comments