- 21 hours ago
Category
😹
FunTranscript
00:00:01See how I just blow those guys? Look, and there's the thing.
00:00:04Look up, look up, look up!
00:00:05No under-
00:00:06Huh?
00:00:09Game over you again!
00:00:11Shouldn't we get back to work?
00:00:12I'm working. Look, I'm testing on new products.
00:00:15What are you so paranoid for anyways? Pretty soon we're gonna have our own store.
00:00:18Look, Quinn's gonna fire your ass from this place.
00:00:21Do you think I'm scared of that?
00:00:22What is he? Looks like a lurch.
00:00:25I'm Quinn.
00:00:26Are you afraid of him? No.
00:00:28Bones!
00:00:30Quinn's looking for you.
00:00:32I told him you were playing video games.
00:00:34Here, hold this, okay? I gotta do something.
00:00:36Oh, yeah, you're not afraid, huh?
00:00:38Bop, bop, bop!
00:01:05This is all for you. See all the money I'm saving?
00:01:09Wow, Quinn, look at you. You're looking fantastic. Is that a new suit?
00:01:12It's gotta be Armando.
00:01:15Oh, it's JCPenney.
00:01:18Oh, it's JCPenney.
00:01:18Well, at least you wear it well.
00:01:19Is that brood I smell?
00:01:20What did we say about leaving the sales floor?
00:01:24You told me not to, and I won't. If this place catches fire, I'm selling tape decks to the firemen.
00:01:29You're not selling anything to anybody. That's why we're letting you go.
00:01:33Where?
00:01:33Home.
00:01:34No, no, no, Quinn. Hey, hey, you can't fire me. Come on. I'm a crazy boy. I'm a dedicated crazy
00:01:39boy.
00:01:40Bones, let's not drag this out.
00:01:41No, Quinn, hey, look. Come on, please. I mean, my rent's due. My mom, she needs another tummy tuck. Please,
00:01:47come on.
00:01:47No, Bones. No, not this time.
00:01:49Please, there's a lot of personal things. Please don't let me. Please don't let me go, Quinn. I could be
00:01:54crazier.
00:01:55Let go of my life.
00:01:56I could be totally insane.
00:02:00Bones, let go of my life.
00:02:01Bones, you have a customer waiting.
00:02:05You'll have to excuse me, Mr. Quinn. I have a customer. A customer who evidently asked for me by name.
00:02:15Hi. May I help you, miss?
00:02:16Yes. You sold me this watchman last week, and I'm afraid I have to return it.
00:02:21See, I knew you'd be returning it. It's too small to ruin your eyesight.
00:02:25And besides, I can tell the one you really want is this one.
00:02:27This is our top of the line.
00:02:29Our very best 35-inch projection stereo color monitor with advanced super digital PMP.
00:02:36I'm sorry. That's way out of my price range.
00:02:38Not with our $200 rebate. No money down. 10-month deferred, 64-month layaway plan.
00:02:43You ask yourself, how could it be? Right?
00:02:47Because we're a crazy voice.
00:02:51Sorry, they make us do that.
00:02:52That's a very nice offer, but this is just...
00:02:55Plus this screen, though, it promotes good eyesight.
00:02:58Really?
00:02:59Uh-huh. Four out of five optometrists recommend it.
00:03:03Okay. I'll take it.
00:03:06Okay. Here you go.
00:03:07Fantastic. I'm gonna take this to the cashier, and I'm gonna arrange everything.
00:03:11Thank you very much.
00:03:12Come to the front. You're needed for a carry-out.
00:03:15Huh?
00:03:17Hmm?
00:03:18Come on. Am I not still a crazy boy?
00:03:23That is brute I smell, you pervert.
00:03:30Bones!
00:03:35Come on.
00:03:42Gabriella, you were outstanding.
00:03:44Yeah, right. This is the last time I save your butt. Okay? I work, too, you know?
00:03:49I know. It was an emergency. The guy was about to fire me.
00:03:52Right. It's always an emergency. They better take that TV back.
00:03:55Hey, they're gonna take it back.
00:03:57Now, how about just giving your little Italian sausage man a little kissy-poo?
00:04:03Chad, the U.S. has issued strong warnings that...
00:04:08You are so irresponsible.
00:04:11You should be serious for one minute.
00:04:13It's okay. I'll be serious. Let's get naked.
00:04:17Not now. Not here.
00:04:19Why? Don't you love me anymore?
00:04:21Yes, yes, of course I love you.
00:04:23Yeah, but look, your boss is gonna catch us.
00:04:27I don't care about that perverted fat's on a JCPenney suit.
00:04:32Bones!
00:04:34Jack, turn it off.
00:04:35Turn it off!
00:04:47Well, I can't...
00:04:54I can't believe he actually fired us.
00:04:57Oh, come on. Bones, we blew up 22 TV sets.
00:05:00Yeah, but don't those things come with warranties?
00:05:01I'm sorry, man. You know, I didn't realize Quinn could see you in all those TVs.
00:05:05No problemo, my friend. I was sick of getting down on my knees for that guy anyways.
00:05:10Whoa. Bones. I had no idea.
00:05:13Begging for my job.
00:05:15You know what, Jack, though? This is amazing. You know what this does?
00:05:18Yeah.
00:05:19This brings us one step closer to the, uh, store.
00:05:23No, no, no. What this does is it brings us one step closer to living in the dumpster.
00:05:27How are we gonna get the rent for the store if we don't have rent for our apartment?
00:05:31Excuse me, can we play through?
00:05:33Yeah.
00:05:35Sorry, we're just...
00:05:36Disgusting.
00:05:41Oh, my God.
00:05:42Hey, Army!
00:05:44Navy!
00:05:45Air Force!
00:05:46Marines!
00:05:47No.
00:05:48Did you order a code red?
00:05:51Answer me! Did you order a code red, man?
00:05:54You want the truth. You can't handle the truth.
00:05:57Yay. He's goofing off.
00:06:00Wow, that was my Nicholson impression.
00:06:03Good.
00:06:04I do it sometimes when I play golf.
00:06:08Bones, come on, man.
00:06:09See, I couldn't help myself. I'm sorry.
00:06:11When you join the Army, is it true that you have to give your whole life away?
00:06:14Nah, something like that with us.
00:06:16We're in the reserves.
00:06:18What's that?
00:06:20Let's just get this straight here.
00:06:22After our basic training, we owe you two weeks a year, one week and a month, for which we get
00:06:26paid.
00:06:27And then on top of it, you're gonna throw in $2,500 just for signing up?
00:06:33Basically, yes.
00:06:35Wow.
00:06:36Well, then how come everybody isn't in the reserves?
00:06:39Do people actually know about this stuff?
00:06:42Well, we do try to advertise.
00:06:45Oh, yeah, it's not a job, it's an adventure.
00:06:48No, that's the Navy.
00:06:50The few and the proud?
00:06:51No, that's the Marines.
00:06:53Keep going, going, and gone?
00:06:55No, no, that's the Energizer, buddy.
00:06:58Gentlemen, we're be-all-you-can-be.
00:07:01Yeah.
00:07:02In the Army.
00:07:05You need us, and we need you.
00:07:07It's a win-win situation.
00:07:09I got one more question.
00:07:11Can I get a pen?
00:07:12Oh, no, actually, could we just have a second, uh, amongst ourselves?
00:07:16Certainly.
00:07:17Take all the time you need.
00:07:19Just hold that ballpoint.
00:07:23Whew.
00:07:25This is insane!
00:07:27Why doesn't everybody join when you're listening to him in there?
00:07:30Shh.
00:07:31It's like joining a health spa, only they pay us.
00:07:34Oh, my God, you're going nuts.
00:07:35Okay, we are the beneficiaries.
00:07:37We get a guaranteed check for eight years and a special skill.
00:07:41A special skill.
00:07:42Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:07:43Look at the payments.
00:07:44Here we go.
00:07:45Land combat missile op.
00:07:48Opportunities.
00:07:48Tactical fire specialist.
00:07:50You heard him talking about combat pay, right?
00:07:52You know, you have to be in combat to get paid for that, right?
00:07:56He said reserves aren't called up unless there's a major conflict.
00:07:59When was the last war, huh?
00:08:01Yeah.
00:08:02World War II?
00:08:02No.
00:08:03Twenty years ago.
00:08:04Have you ever heard of Vietnam?
00:08:06Huh?
00:08:06Desert storm?
00:08:08No.
00:08:08Uh-uh.
00:08:09What?
00:08:10I'm kidding.
00:08:11Give me the brochure.
00:08:12We're going to go to the unemployment office.
00:08:14No, just let me see.
00:08:15Let me just try it.
00:08:16Tank tour repair, land mining specialist, water purification?
00:08:21Water purification.
00:08:23That's it.
00:08:24What?
00:08:25Water purification.
00:08:26I'm telling you it's a snap.
00:08:27My brother's a pool man.
00:08:29Hey, look.
00:08:29You take dirty water and you make it clean.
00:08:32How hard can that be?
00:08:33I don't know.
00:08:34And hey, if there is a war, what are we going to go in there with?
00:08:37Water balloons?
00:08:40That's...
00:08:40I mean, but...
00:08:41But...
00:08:41Yeah.
00:08:42This is for our future.
00:08:44Okay.
00:08:44If we could sign up right now, we'd get a guarantee check for $2,500.
00:08:48If you times that times do.
00:08:50Wow.
00:08:53That's $6,000.
00:08:56That's a nice chunk of change.
00:08:57Yeah.
00:08:58But...
00:08:59Hey.
00:09:00This is for our storm.
00:09:03Yeah.
00:09:04Look, I'll even give you first billing.
00:09:06No, you don't have to do that.
00:09:08Jacks and bones and sp...
00:09:10Oh.
00:09:11Atlas of Stereos.
00:09:13I did too much.
00:09:13All right.
00:09:14All right.
00:09:14Alright.
00:09:14Let's go.
00:09:15Yes.
00:09:18bütün...
00:09:31Here...
00:09:32Let's get out...
00:09:36Say...
00:09:37I told myself that it was a bad dream.
00:09:41I found a bad...
00:09:47Hi, um, see, okay, everybody knows me for my hair, okay, what I need to do is just, just a
00:09:57little
00:09:57bit on the side, not a whole bunch, and kind of keep, like, it's so still. I'd like to see
00:10:02it in
00:10:02something short, but sassy, a real 90s look, something that works as well on the rifle range
00:10:06as it does in the disco. Okay, that's perfect.
00:10:12Get a haircut, get a real job.
00:10:15All right.
00:10:21Ah!
00:10:29It's my head. I mean, look at it. Does it look bigger than it? I mean, do I look like
00:10:36a big
00:10:37potato? Honestly? Yeah, honestly. It looks great. It really does. Really?
00:10:42Really? It looks macho. All right. Look at these, man. Look at these. Army issue.
00:10:51See, I think those are unique. Idiotic. No, those are unique. See, you're distinctive.
00:10:56No one has them. Really?
00:10:58You're king. All right. One of a kind. They broke them all when they made you, Jack.
00:11:10Come on. Come on, go. Come on. Gods. Come on.
00:11:16Come on. Oh, my God.
00:11:22C'mon. I can't. I can't do it. Jack, come on. I can't do it, man. I can't do it.
00:11:27this is just like your childhood remember yeah yeah you're right you're right that guy is exactly
00:11:35like my dad see come on wait a minute though my childhood sucked no i can't do it man i
00:11:42can't
00:11:42handle being yelled at by some muscle-bound drill sergeant no man i can't do it get the hell off
00:11:49the truck oh whoa she can drill me anytime on the double right now come on move it move it
00:12:00hello sweet pants get down get down
00:12:06and take those glasses off what do you think you want some beat yourself
00:12:09what's your name private bones car we're reporting for duty sir all right i mean man sergeant whatever
00:12:17you will address me as drill sergeant don't you understand yes but you don't need to yell
00:12:26because look i'm standing right here i'm not yelling at you private drill sergeants do not yell
00:12:31we simply speak in a voice loud enough so everyone can hear that way we all learn from each other's
00:12:36mistakes oh okay thanks for explaining it from here on out your buddy's mind
00:12:42you will obey every order without question grunt
00:12:52oh you a funny boy huh cutie pie right well i don't know you but i don't even like you
00:12:57and i make it my personal mission to turn you into a soldier for the next eight weeks i'll be
00:13:02all
00:13:03over your butt like white old rice is that a promise
00:13:09give me 20. i want my wallet drop and give me 20. i can't hold this
00:13:15boy you better get on that ground and give me them push-ups
00:13:18ah it's been a while all the way up and down right
00:13:24pump
00:13:24pump
00:13:24pump
00:13:25pump
00:13:25pump
00:13:26pump
00:13:26pump
00:13:27Is that good?
00:13:37Get up! Get up!
00:13:42Everybody up!
00:13:46On your feet! I'm gonna crash right now, sleeping beauties!
00:13:53Get up!
00:13:56Get your butt off that rack!
00:14:06Ow! Ow! Ow!
00:14:08I'm off! I'm off!
00:14:10I'm off!
00:14:12Next hand to the lamp!
00:14:14Next hand to the lamp!
00:14:16All right!
00:14:22All right!
00:14:23We're gonna stand the champs up against Bradfield!
00:14:25Happy to say run and play, but I say go, go!
00:14:39Jack!
00:14:40Yeah!
00:14:41Run!
00:14:43Where'd the sun go?
00:14:44Run!
00:14:45There is no sun anymore, Bones.
00:14:47Run!
00:14:48The sun is gone!
00:14:49Run!
00:14:51We died, and this is hell!
00:14:53Oh, okay.
00:14:54Thanks for splitting it.
00:14:55All right!
00:15:00Private, he's got that weapon around backwards.
00:15:04Thanks.
00:15:14See the picture on the front of this weapon?
00:15:16Mm-hmm.
00:15:20What's put there for privates like you is idiot-proof.
00:15:28Damn it!
00:15:30I'm dead!
00:15:32I'm dead!
00:15:33The gig line runs down the seam of your shirt,
00:15:36through the edge of your belt buckle, down the seam of your zipper.
00:15:39This is a straight gig line.
00:15:42See it.
00:15:44Learn it.
00:15:45Do it.
00:15:52From here on out, anyone without a straight gig line will have to answer to me.
00:16:02Conway.
00:16:04What the hell is this?
00:16:06Just Sergeant!
00:16:07I guess my gig line needs straightening, huh?
00:16:12Oh.
00:16:16Oh.
00:16:18Thank you, Just Sergeant.
00:16:20Don't thank me.
00:16:21Thank your recruiter.
00:16:29Come on, boy!
00:16:30Come on!
00:16:30You can't do it!
00:16:31I know you can't do it!
00:16:35There are two types of bayonet fighters, the quick and the dead.
00:16:37What are you?
00:16:38What are they?
00:16:39Dead!
00:16:40What are you?
00:16:40What are they?
00:16:41Dead!
00:16:42What are you?
00:16:43What are they?
00:16:44Dead!
00:16:44They need volunteers!
00:16:48Are you crazy?
00:16:49I sure am.
00:16:50I'm a crazy boy!
00:16:53Hello!
00:16:55Conway!
00:16:56Yes, ma'am.
00:16:57Come here.
00:16:58I'm on my way.
00:17:03Hi.
00:17:04Hit me.
00:17:05Let's not fight.
00:17:06Come here.
00:17:07Hit me or you'll be sorry!
00:17:09I can't hit you.
00:17:11You're a girl.
00:17:12And...
00:17:13I love you.
00:17:16You've got two seconds to hit me.
00:17:22Okay, but this is gonna work.
00:17:25Indiana volunteer!
00:17:28Oh, shit.
00:17:30Oh, shit.
00:17:30I'm sorry.
00:17:30I was just gonna...
00:17:31I'm gonna teach you a lesson.
00:17:34Never!
00:17:36Drop!
00:17:39You're gone!
00:17:41Oh!
00:17:41Oh!
00:17:44Oh!
00:17:44Oh!
00:17:44Got it!
00:17:45Damn it!
00:17:46Can I please throw up now?
00:17:49Oh!
00:17:51Get up!
00:17:52Get mad!
00:17:53Get mad!
00:17:53You get mad, you!
00:17:54Get mad at me!
00:17:56Now, listen to me very carefully, Private.
00:17:57This is exactly the same as practice, but this is a real live grenade.
00:18:01I want you to do exactly as you've been trained.
00:18:03Yes, Joe Sergeant.
00:18:05When I give the command to execute, I want you to drop the pin, throw the grenade.
00:18:09Yes, Joe Sergeant.
00:18:10Drop the pin, throw the grenade.
00:18:12Yes, Joe Sergeant.
00:18:15Execute.
00:18:18Move it!
00:18:20Oh!
00:18:21Oh!
00:18:25Oh!
00:18:26Help!
00:18:31Thanks, Joe Sergeant.
00:18:33You saved my life.
00:18:34I owe you one.
00:18:36No, you owe me 50!
00:18:40Oh!
00:18:43Oh!
00:18:45Oh!
00:18:45Oh!
00:18:47Oh!
00:18:48Oh!
00:18:49Oh!
00:18:51Momma!
00:18:51Momma!
00:18:52Momma!
00:18:52Can't you see?
00:18:54Momma!
00:18:54Momma!
00:18:55Momma!
00:18:55Can't you see?
00:18:56Drill Sergeant Lamb made a man out of me!
00:18:59Drill Sergeant Lamb made a man out of me!
00:19:02And then I will obey the orders of the President of the United States!
00:19:06And I will obey the orders of the President of the United States!
00:19:10And the orders of the officers appointed over me!
00:19:13According to regulations
00:19:19And the uniform code of military justice
00:19:25So help me God
00:19:27So help me God
00:19:34It's the uniforms man
00:19:38Private Conway
00:19:43Never thought I'd say this
00:19:45But I think I've done the impossible
00:19:46I've turned you into soldiers
00:19:48Thank you, drill sergeant
00:19:50Carry on
00:20:02Is this unit 341?
00:20:05That's us, soldier
00:20:05Hey, Bones Conway here
00:20:07This is my partner, Jack
00:20:08Hi, Christine
00:20:09Nice to meet you
00:20:10You look like we'll be working together
00:20:11Christine a la G.I. Jane
00:20:14What brings a pretty little lady like you to Waterpure
00:20:18I want an infantry
00:20:20But until they ask that crap
00:20:21About women not being allowed in combat
00:20:23I'll just have to settle for kicking your little butt
00:20:25Oh, that would be nice
00:20:30Heisty one, huh?
00:20:31I like that
00:20:33Shut up
00:20:39I'm gonna have to kill your friend
00:20:41Hey, Bones Conway
00:20:43Hey, uh, Fred Osthoff
00:20:44Good to meet you
00:20:46You okay, Fred?
00:20:47Oh, man, I'm fine
00:20:48Yeah
00:20:49Thanks
00:20:49Thank you
00:20:52So, uh, what do you do when you don't purify water?
00:20:55Well, I'm going into my, uh, final year of dental school
00:20:59Wow
00:21:00And now, now that is great
00:21:01No, it's not
00:21:03Why?
00:21:04Did you know that dentists are more feared and loathed than any other profession?
00:21:09That's including lawyers
00:21:10No, see, I don't think people hate dentists
00:21:13It's just the sound of that drill
00:21:15Yeah, and then they stick that sucking thing in the back of your mouth
00:21:18Like this
00:21:18And the nurse says, oh, yeah, that
00:21:21And then they jam those cardboard x-ray things
00:21:24And then they
00:21:24And you know when there's
00:21:26You have a cavity
00:21:27And they do that little pointy thing
00:21:29And then
00:21:29Hey, hey, hey
00:21:31Right?
00:21:32The nurse leaves
00:21:33And she goes to lunch
00:21:35And she jams it out there, right?
00:21:37Meanwhile, there is a lead apron
00:21:39Right?
00:21:40On the thing
00:21:40And you're sitting there like
00:21:46See, see
00:21:49That's what I'm talking about
00:21:50If you don't want to talk about it, it's okay
00:21:52Oh, no, no, no
00:21:53It's good
00:21:53We should talk about it
00:21:54Because my therapist said that I need to get it out
00:21:58Kind of like an emotional enema
00:21:59So we talked about it
00:22:01And said, why not join the Army Reserve?
00:22:04Be all that you can be on the weekends
00:22:09Maybe it'd help me to face those things in my life that I'm most afraid of
00:22:14And what are you afraid of?
00:22:17Well, I'd have to say
00:22:19Damn near everything
00:22:21Floss?
00:22:23Hey
00:22:23Keep it
00:22:29Good morning
00:22:30Purifying our water is one of the most vital operations in the military
00:22:34It is absolutely vital that you know your equipment inside and out
00:22:47Two soldiers must man the hose at all times
00:22:50This is for your own safety, people
00:22:53Okay
00:22:53Never lose control of your hose
00:23:05After careful training, you will be able to produce potable water from the most disgusting, swampy, parasite-infected, diseased water
00:23:14Guys, look, it's our first glass of purified water
00:23:19Alright
00:23:22Go for it, man, try it
00:23:23Nah, I'm not gonna try
00:23:26Hey, you try it
00:23:27I'm not gonna try it
00:23:29We should get Christine
00:23:31Yeah
00:23:31She'll taste anything
00:23:37I'm not gonna try it
00:23:40Let's get Freddy
00:23:42Okay
00:23:42Oh, Freddy
00:23:43No, no, thanks
00:23:44I'm allergic
00:23:45It'll make me break out
00:23:48Well, then who's gonna try it?
00:24:08Who's the leader of this outfit?
00:24:10He is
00:24:12Son
00:24:13I've been doing this for a long time
00:24:15And I gotta say
00:24:17This is the best damn glass of purified water I ever had
00:24:21Congratulations
00:24:22You keep this up and I'll be putting you in for private first class
00:24:26Thank you, Sergeant
00:24:27But I could not have done it
00:24:29Without the inspirational guidance
00:24:31Of my brother, the pool man
00:24:40We're back, honey
00:24:43Excuse me
00:24:45Gonna go freshen up
00:24:50You're not gonna
00:25:16Thank you
00:25:17I'm an actor
00:25:17Be careful
00:25:17You're not gonna
00:25:17Be careful
00:25:17It's funny
00:25:17But I don't
00:25:17You're not gonna
00:25:17Because I can see
00:25:17He can be careful
00:25:17And if there's any
00:25:27F urb
00:25:27You're not gonna
00:25:27Be careful
00:25:33Hopeці
00:25:48Oh, man.
00:25:49Wait, wait, hold it here a second.
00:25:51Listen, hey, we're in the middle of the party here.
00:25:53You know, your friends might come in.
00:25:54That'd be cool.
00:25:55I don't think so.
00:25:56I think it's very rude if we stay away more than a couple of minutes.
00:25:59Two minutes?
00:26:00That's perfect.
00:26:01We'll have time to cuddle afterwards.
00:26:06Hold that thought.
00:26:09Somebody better be dead.
00:26:11Hello?
00:26:12This is an official message.
00:26:14I saw a flock of wild geese migrating south.
00:26:19I say again, the geese are migrating south.
00:26:23Yeah, well, my goose is about to lay a golden egg.
00:26:26So you're going to have to cruise the south solo, okay?
00:26:29Have a nice flight.
00:26:30Who was it?
00:26:31Someone who's into birds.
00:26:33So I don't know here.
00:26:34Uh-uh!
00:26:40Look, you saw the goose.
00:26:42I'm the walrus.
00:26:43And tall is dead.
00:26:43And I'm trying to bury my beak here.
00:26:45So give it a rest.
00:26:46All right.
00:26:47That's it.
00:27:01Jack, get the phone.
00:27:03Who is it?
00:27:04It's a freak going on about wild geese migrating.
00:27:07The phone.
00:27:12The phone.
00:27:12What's up?
00:27:14Christine, don't.
00:27:14Don't.
00:27:15Don't.
00:27:16Which way?
00:27:17Who cares?
00:27:18North or south?
00:27:19South.
00:27:26You guys, don't you remember?
00:27:28About the code?
00:27:30So that if we got called up for active duty, then we would know that it was for real.
00:27:33It's got to be a mistake.
00:27:35It's got to be Chad.
00:27:36Hello, Mama.
00:27:38It's Frederick.
00:27:39Uh, you sitting down?
00:27:42Chad is in the African country.
00:27:43The one that Libby's about to invade.
00:27:45Uh, turn off the music.
00:27:50Do you remember when you told me that every black man should visit the motherland?
00:27:54Bones, why do you think I chose water purification?
00:27:57Is your brother a poor man?
00:27:59No, it's because Chad is in a desert.
00:28:02And water purification is the reserve occupation most likely to be called up if there's a desert war.
00:28:08And there's a desert war, and we're going!
00:28:12That's it, Bones.
00:28:13I'm going to kill you.
00:28:14Well, go ahead.
00:28:14You got to relax here, okay?
00:28:16I'm going to get us out of this one.
00:28:19Trust me.
00:28:30At ease.
00:28:32Sir, I know we're going to Chad, but there's something that you need to know about Jack and I before
00:28:38we go, sir.
00:28:39Yes?
00:28:41Uh, uh, Bones and I are very close, uh, friends.
00:28:47Very.
00:28:48Very.
00:28:49Oh, I see.
00:28:51In that case, boys, I guess you're not going to Chad.
00:28:58Sorry to disappoint you, sir.
00:29:03Uh, just one thing.
00:29:08Anything.
00:29:10Kiss him.
00:29:12Excuse me?
00:29:14Kiss your friend.
00:29:16You don't have a problem with that, now, do you?
00:29:20Oh, no.
00:29:22He kisses me every day.
00:29:41Just do it.
00:29:49is it hot in chat as the libyan raids against u.n forces near the border continue this u.s
00:29:57force is being ready to deter the invasion threatened by the libyan leader in his television
00:30:02broadcast last night and as the build-up here continues the first army reserve units arrived
00:30:08here today these units will aid in the supply and logistical support the growing u.s presence
00:30:14here these troops are in high spirits and the morale is high and their hopes are high and this
00:30:19mission will remain reporting live from chad for worldwide news report this is stew creek
00:30:44i am first sergeant brandon t williams it is my intention to run this company like a clock
00:30:50if one gear slips in my clock my clock will tell the wrong time if one spring is loose in
00:30:55my clock
00:30:55my clock will tell the wrong time first sergeant williams likes his clock to tell the right time
00:31:00do you understand me yes sergeant what did he just say i don't know something about his clock being
00:31:10broken have my words fallen upon deaf ears yes sergeant i mean no sergeant don't you know i'm your
00:31:18first sergeant well actually i wish you were my first sergeant but i already had a couple ones
00:31:25already drop and give me push-ups you will continue to do push-ups until you learn to address me
00:31:32as
00:31:32first sergeant use that clear yes first sergeant yes first sergeant
00:31:36call one first sergeant two first sergeant three first sergeant four first sergeant five first sergeant
00:31:43don't eyeball me
00:31:4313th first sergeant seven first sergeant eight first sergeant nine first sergeant ten first sergeant
00:31:50eleven for sergeant 12 first sergeant 13 first sergeant 14 first sergeant
00:31:57123 first sergeant 124 first sergeant 124
00:32:01124 first sergeant that's enough on your feet
00:32:03son i bet you did a lot of push-ups when you were in basic training didn't you
00:32:07Yes, First Sergeant.
00:32:09Well, you just did your last push-up, soldier.
00:32:11I will never ask you to do another.
00:32:12Thank you, First Sergeant.
00:32:14You just graduated peeling potatoes.
00:32:176,543, First Sergeant.
00:32:196,544, First Sergeant.
00:32:23First Sergeant.
00:32:256,505!
00:32:286,505, First Sergeant.
00:32:316,505,
00:32:326,505,
00:32:32452, First Sergeant.
00:32:35Okay.
00:32:35Shit, I lost count.
00:32:37We got it, we got it, we got it!
00:32:42That's a good one.
00:32:43I couldn't help it.
00:32:44I was just trying to dig in.
00:32:45You guys get...
00:32:47Oh, my God.
00:32:48Stop it!
00:32:49Okay, come on!
00:32:50I'm going to put the fire down!
00:32:53Oh, my God!
00:32:58Oh, look.
00:32:59Hey, it's the sunroof.
00:33:19Oh, look.
00:33:22Oh, look.
00:33:31I will already be...
00:33:33What?
00:33:34I will already be in Milan with Guido.
00:33:39Oh.
00:33:40She dumped you.
00:33:42Sorry, Bones.
00:33:43I must say, though, this guy sounds really nice.
00:33:45He's got a villa right on the Adriatic Sea.
00:33:47Jack, don't rub it in.
00:33:48No, no, you're better off.
00:33:50She's a horrible speller.
00:33:52There's only one S in loser.
00:33:54Look at that.
00:33:54And immature-ish?
00:33:55I don't even think that's a word.
00:33:57Gabriella.
00:33:59She broke my heart.
00:34:01Sorry.
00:34:02Well, fortunately, I'm too shallow to stay bummed for too long.
00:34:09Would you mind turning the light off, please, Jack?
00:34:12Oh, yeah.
00:34:13Fred, you checked your bag for scorpions, right?
00:34:17Scorpions?
00:34:18He's messing with you, Fred.
00:34:20No, I'm not.
00:34:22Chad is the scorpion capital of the world.
00:34:25Yep, Fred.
00:34:25They're big ones, too, about as big as my fist.
00:34:28They outnumber people two to one.
00:34:30And that margin grows with every sting.
00:34:34So have a good sleep, Fred.
00:34:36Good night, everybody.
00:34:37Good night, folks.
00:34:38Nice to you, Alan.
00:34:40Good night, John, boy.
00:34:42Scorpions.
00:34:45All right.
00:34:54I got one.
00:34:56I got one!
00:34:57I got one!
00:34:58I got one!
00:34:59I got one!
00:35:00I got one!
00:35:01I got one!
00:35:03I got one!
00:35:04I got one!
00:35:05I got one!
00:35:06I got one!
00:35:07I got one!
00:35:08Ah!
00:35:11Very funny!
00:35:12We're just trying to help you get over your fears, Fred, really.
00:35:16Fred, don't worry about it.
00:35:17You come and sleep with me.
00:35:18Yeah, well, I'd rather take my chances with a scorpion.
00:35:25God, I hate this.
00:35:27It's not that bad.
00:35:28It's like camp.
00:35:31John Jacob Jingleheimer-Smith.
00:35:35That's my name, too.
00:35:38Whenever we go, whenever we go, whenever we go, there goes John Jacob Jingleheimer-Smith.
00:35:44John Jacob Jingleheimer-Smith.
00:35:50Come on!
00:35:50That's my name, too.
00:35:53Shut up!
00:36:00Shut up!
00:36:23Don't eat the chicken.
00:36:25It tastes just like frog.
00:36:36Ready.
00:36:37Go.
00:36:42Who is that?
00:36:44Special Forces.
00:36:4914.11 seconds.
00:36:52Damn!
00:36:53Try it again.
00:36:55He's incredible.
00:36:57Time me.
00:37:01All right.
00:37:04Go.
00:37:16Oh, that is not good.
00:37:18What happened?
00:37:18That is not good.
00:37:27Oh, great.
00:37:28It's coming over.
00:37:29Just don't look at him.
00:37:31You lose something?
00:37:35Yeah.
00:37:36Thanks.
00:37:38Put it in my lasagna.
00:37:40You better call 911.
00:37:42Get an ambulance.
00:37:42Find a doctor.
00:37:43Order a toe tag.
00:37:44Cause I'm gonna tear off your head and spit down your neck.
00:37:46Do you understand me, boy?
00:37:48Oh!
00:37:49Hey, hey.
00:37:52You have to relax a little.
00:37:54Take it easy.
00:37:56We're in the middle of a war and we're on the same side.
00:38:00Yeah, dude.
00:38:03Would America have won the Civil War if Benjamin Franklin did not get along with Eleanor Roosevelt?
00:38:12Right on.
00:38:12A little knowledge.
00:38:14A little knowledge.
00:38:15A little knowledge to partay.
00:38:17Go ahead, man.
00:38:19If our soldiers, our American soldiers, acted like this in Desert Storm, Sodom the same would still be running Iraq.
00:38:29What?
00:38:29What?
00:38:35So maybe we're a bunch of reservists fresh off the plane, right?
00:38:38It's obvious.
00:38:40But you regular guys, you've been here so long that your brains are fried.
00:38:44Right.
00:38:45So I guess what I'm really trying to say is...
00:38:48Come on, genius.
00:38:51That doesn't mean we all can't be friends.
00:38:55Please.
00:38:56That's only one problem with you, Newbie's old.
00:38:58That's the truth, man.
00:39:00You don't eat enough.
00:39:02No, that's...
00:39:05Watch it, son!
00:39:20As you were.
00:39:29I bet the mess sergeant could use a volunteer to peel potatoes.
00:39:33Yes, sir!
00:39:34Can I count on you?
00:39:35Yes, sir.
00:39:37Carry on.
00:39:40I happen to know, on this base, there's not one unpeeled potato.
00:39:58I heard the Libyans are already backing down, and we're gonna be out of here in two weeks.
00:40:02Yeah?
00:40:03Well, I hear they're sending 20,000 more troops, and we're gonna be here till Christmas.
00:40:07All right, then.
00:40:09Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait!
00:40:10Where are you going?
00:40:13It's not like I got bad breath.
00:40:20Help!
00:40:22Until they comply with you in resolution 991, I don't think anybody's going anywhere.
00:40:28All right.
00:40:29Oh, you're amazing, Christine.
00:40:31How do you keep up with all that stuff?
00:40:36Christine?
00:40:38Christine?
00:40:42All right, quit screwing around.
00:40:46Chris!
00:40:48Send some water with this mud.
00:40:50All right, guys.
00:40:56Chris!
00:41:01Jack?
00:41:07Fred!
00:41:13How does it feel to be dead, motor boy?
00:41:15Ugh.
00:41:18I don't know. How does it feel to be a dick, dick?
00:41:29Damn it!
00:41:30Where's my water?
00:41:31There was none delivered last night for a sergeant.
00:41:38Goddamn piece of shit, newbies.
00:41:39How am I gonna run a decent HQ without my coffee?
00:41:41Well, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh.
00:41:48That is truly a pathetic sight.
00:41:51Who perpetrated this?
00:42:00Ow!
00:42:06Who did this to you?
00:42:08I can't tell you for a sergeant.
00:42:09What? You have too much honor?
00:42:13Oh...
00:42:14I've been threatened with death.
00:42:16Untie these clowns!
00:42:18And give me some water!
00:42:19Ow!
00:42:26Ahem, I have an announcement.
00:42:29Do you guys want your water?
00:42:31Because you're looking a little bit crispy.
00:42:33You better run...
00:42:33Oh, I know, I know, I know.
00:42:35Tell me if this is right.
00:42:35I better call 976.
00:42:38Find a doctor and tag an ambulance,
00:42:40because you're gonna tear off my toe
00:42:41and spit down my head, right?
00:42:43Do you guys want your water or not?
00:42:45Sergeant!
00:42:47Report to Captain Roberts. You've got a mission.
00:42:50Water, boys.
00:42:53Report to First Sergeant Williams.
00:42:54You've got a mission, too.
00:42:55Listen up!
00:42:57Captain Denby says we're gonna resupply the forward UN peacekeeping base.
00:43:02This is a very simple, routine mission.
00:43:06You will fall into line in the very large, very prepared convoy.
00:43:09All you have to do is follow the truck in front of you.
00:43:13When your troops get thirsty, you will give them water.
00:43:16Conway, you look confused.
00:43:18Are you sure you want to send us to a forward area?
00:43:20We're just water, boys.
00:43:21You are soldiers.
00:43:23You will get in that convoy,
00:43:24and you will be a credit to the United States Army.
00:43:27Is that clear?
00:43:27Yes, First Sergeant!
00:43:29Then muscle your lollygaggin' bus, we're gonna take a move out!
00:43:31Yes, First Sergeant!
00:43:47Let's go!
00:44:01Damn it!
00:44:02Forget it. They're gonna send a tow truck.
00:44:08Man, what I wouldn't do for a double-meat chili cheeseburger right now.
00:44:13No. A margarita on the rocks.
00:44:18Or some fresh, buttery Jiffy Pop.
00:44:21That's not popcorn, boys.
00:44:24Hmm?
00:44:25That convoy's under attack.
00:44:29Really? I don't think so.
00:44:35Maniac shooting at us!
00:44:37What a maniac! It's the enemy!
00:44:38What the hell are you doing?
00:44:39Surrendering!
00:44:40Don't shoot!
00:44:41Surrendering!
00:44:46Whoa!
00:44:52Steel!
00:44:56Nice going, Christine.
00:44:58Did you have to shoot so close? Huh? You scared the shit out of me.
00:45:01Well, excuse me for living. I was just trying to save your worthless little life.
00:45:05Christine, are you aware that after a near-death experience,
00:45:09there's often a desire to have sex?
00:45:11Yeah, Jack.
00:45:12That's right.
00:45:13I feel it.
00:45:15All right.
00:45:17Just not with you.
00:45:19Ever.
00:45:20Got it?
00:45:21Yeah, got it.
00:45:23I'm glad we could have this little talk.
00:45:25I didn't feel anything.
00:45:27You guys, let's get out of here.
00:45:29The truck's on fire.
00:45:47Day long, it's gonna...
00:45:56Explode.
00:45:59Where's the phone?
00:46:04Hello!
00:46:11Now, rickety-tick, you're mustering lollygaggin'
00:46:14Let's lollygaggin' out of here!
00:46:27Isn't the road that way?
00:46:29Taking the shortcut.
00:46:31Is there one?
00:46:31Uh-huh.
00:46:32The road curves around like this.
00:46:34All we gotta do is cut the desert here
00:46:37and catch up the convoy over there.
00:46:39Watch out!
00:46:40Come on!
00:46:40I think I know what I'm doing here.
00:46:42I guess this is the wrong time to tell you guys
00:46:44I get very easily cars in.
00:47:02Bones, I have the best sense of direction of anyone you know.
00:47:08The road's over there, three miles, maybe four.
00:47:13Oh, yeah, maybe ten, maybe twenty.
00:47:17Maybe our truck is sinking.
00:47:21No!
00:47:25No!
00:47:39Push!
00:47:40Yeah!
00:47:42Hey, forget it, okay?
00:47:43Just shut it down.
00:47:44We'll kick it out.
00:47:45No, no, stand back.
00:47:46Stand back!
00:47:47I'm gonna rock it!
00:47:53You're quitting.
00:47:54It's not working.
00:47:56You're sucking too much sand into the air filter.
00:47:59I order you to shut it down now.
00:48:02You order me?
00:48:03Yeah, but I'm private first class, okay?
00:48:06I'm ordering you.
00:48:07Come on.
00:48:08The only reason you made private first class
00:48:12is because your brother's a poor man.
00:48:20Huh?
00:48:21You happy?
00:48:22You happy?
00:48:26Yeah, well, I hope you brought your triple-A card.
00:48:29Let's see.
00:48:36Well, look, you cracked the block.
00:48:38I could have done it if you hadn't stopped me.
00:48:40Yeah, you're so full of it.
00:48:42You know what?
00:48:43Shut up!
00:48:44We gotta figure out what we're gonna do!
00:48:46Then why don't you just ask our fearless leader here?
00:48:49Private first class bones,
00:48:51the one with the highest rank.
00:48:52All you had to do, Jack,
00:48:53was just listen to me, okay?
00:48:55I was trying to...
00:48:56All I've ever done is listen to you,
00:48:57and look where it's taken me.
00:48:58Look, we're in the middle of some African hellhole
00:49:02under a flesh-frying sun
00:49:04with the sky filled with vultures
00:49:06ready to pluck out my eyeballs.
00:49:09Vultures don't come around
00:49:11unless something's about to die.
00:49:29Are you ripping the sleeves off your jacket?
00:49:33Oh, that's gonna look sexy.
00:49:36Jack, tomorrow we have to walk away from this water truck.
00:49:39We have two canteens between us.
00:49:42We're gonna fill up the sleeves of our jackets with water,
00:49:44and then we have more water.
00:49:45Am I the only person who paid attention in survival class?
00:49:52There's a scorpion on my back!
00:49:54There's a scorpion on my back!
00:49:55That's enough!
00:49:57There's not a scorpion on your back!
00:50:01There is a scorpion on my back!
00:50:04Fred, there's nothing on your back!
00:50:07You keep on imagining things!
00:50:13I needed that.
00:50:16I'm sorry I snapped.
00:50:18Look, you don't have to apologize.
00:50:20You're right!
00:50:22I see things very clear now.
00:50:25All right, Fred.
00:50:26Look, guys, I want to apologize to everybody.
00:50:28He's okay?
00:50:29He's okay.
00:50:30I feel like a brand new man.
00:50:31All right.
00:50:31Now, can we get some rest?
00:50:33Okay.
00:50:35Stop our feelings.
00:50:36Stop our feelings.
00:50:45What are you doing?
00:50:46Just felt like...
00:50:50He's always playing.
00:50:52Did you guys see that thing?
00:50:54It wasn't...
00:51:04Follow me.
00:51:05I know exactly where I'm going.
00:51:09Trust me.
00:51:35You guys, get down.
00:51:36I see something.
00:51:37Get down!
00:51:37Get down!
00:51:49It's a truck.
00:51:50There's the road.
00:51:51We are safe.
00:51:52I told you I had a flawless sense of direction.
00:51:56What a coincidence.
00:51:58That truck looks...
00:52:00That looks like our truck.
00:52:08Hey, listen, you guys.
00:52:10Hey, I figured out why we went in circles.
00:52:14Do you remember our map reading class?
00:52:16We didn't follow the sun.
00:52:21Look.
00:52:22This stream is due west.
00:52:25All we have to do is walk away from the sun in the morning and towards the sun in the
00:52:30afternoon.
00:52:30We should be there by nightfall.
00:52:32So you're saying we should risk being dried up into human jerky again just to follow another one of your
00:52:38half-baked plans.
00:52:40I'm not saying anything, okay?
00:52:42I mean, I'm pretty sure this is gonna work.
00:52:43But since I let us down before, I say from here on in, we put everything to a vote.
00:52:49We can't vote.
00:52:51You order, we follow.
00:52:53Okay, why order us to vote?
00:52:55That is not how the army goes.
00:52:57You have to tell us what to do.
00:53:00Well, what if I'm wrong?
00:53:04Then we die.
00:53:10I order us to do a sun-baked plan thing.
00:53:17We're dead.
00:53:21Hey, guys.
00:53:23Just think of it as a very long day on a very big beach in a very dry year.
00:53:49Hey, hey, hey, hey.
00:53:50Wait a minute.
00:53:51It's the ocean.
00:53:53I don't see anything.
00:53:55What are you, blind?
00:53:56The waves.
00:53:57It's the ocean.
00:53:59It's a mirage.
00:54:01It is a mirage.
00:54:03And there's Caesars.
00:54:04And right across the street is the Barbary Coast.
00:54:07We can get a $3.99 buffet.
00:54:09And it's the ocean.
00:54:11Come on.
00:54:13Come on.
00:54:14Go.
00:54:16Come on.
00:54:18We're running.
00:54:20Come on.
00:54:23Come on.
00:54:25Come on.
00:54:26Come on.
00:54:27Come on.
00:54:28Come on.
00:54:34Here's the canteen.
00:54:35Go get your boy, because he's bugging.
00:54:51You okay, man?
00:54:53You okay?
00:54:54Here.
00:54:54Take a sip.
00:54:57Listen.
00:54:59Look, Jack, we've got two choices.
00:55:02One, we can put your clothes back on.
00:55:04We can get ourselves out of this mess.
00:55:05Go back to Glendale.
00:55:06Start up our own store.
00:55:07Become rich and famous.
00:55:09Or two, you can lie here butt naked and crushed away, leaving your skull to be found by a young
00:55:15arabic prince that's going to use it for an ashtray.
00:55:21You don't want that in your head.
00:55:24You make the call.
00:55:25Come on.
00:55:25Let's get out of here.
00:55:27Louise.
00:55:28Come on.
00:55:29Come on.
00:55:31Here.
00:55:32Here.
00:55:33Here.
00:55:34Here.
00:55:34Here.
00:55:35Here.
00:55:39Here.
00:55:42Hey.
00:55:42Oh, Jack!
00:55:44Look at that ass!
00:55:45Maybe you should stay naked. Get some sun on those cheeks.
00:55:57What?
00:55:58Oh, man. Man, now, I'm seeing things.
00:56:01The palm tree's right on the horizon.
00:56:03Oh, it's another mirage.
00:56:05Oh, my God, I see it, too.
00:56:07It's not a mirage!
00:56:09Those are the palm trees! It's the oasis!
00:56:12Oh, man! You saved our lives!
00:56:15Ha, ha, ha!
00:56:17Ah!
00:56:20Where's my kiss?
00:56:23Christine!
00:56:30The street was due west, right?
00:56:33It was on the map, right?
00:56:35Where's the water?
00:56:39This is sand!
00:56:47Nobody move.
00:56:50There is a big snake right by your feet.
00:56:55No!
00:56:57Thanks for not moving, Jack.
00:57:01Throw me the gun.
00:57:04If you don't attack it, it'll go away.
00:57:07I don't want it to go away.
00:57:09I want to have it for dinner.
00:57:10Throw me the gun.
00:57:17Ah!
00:57:18Ah!
00:57:20Ah!
00:57:21Ah!
00:57:23Ah!
00:57:24You want some of this, baby, huh?
00:57:26There you go! Come on!
00:57:27Ah!
00:57:28Ah!
00:57:29Ah!
00:57:30Ah!
00:57:30Ah!
00:57:30Oh, no!
00:57:31Ah!
00:57:32I'm still gonna get ya!
00:57:35Ah!
00:57:36Ah!
00:57:36It's time for me!
00:57:37I'll get ya!
00:57:39Ah!
00:57:41Ah!
00:57:44Ah!
00:57:48Ah!
00:57:49Ah!
00:57:50Ah!
00:57:51Ah!
00:57:52Ah!
00:57:59Water!
00:58:00Water from the bullet hole!
00:58:05Water from the bullet hole!
00:58:07Water!
00:58:08Water!
00:58:09Water!
00:58:11I can't believe it!
00:58:14Water!
00:58:15Is it snake yet?
00:58:16Depends how you like it.
00:58:18Well done.
00:58:20Used to be afraid of scorpions.
00:58:22Now he's eating a snake.
00:58:23That is impressive for him.
00:58:27I thought we were all gonna die.
00:58:30But you pulled us through.
00:58:32I don't know how, but thank you.
00:58:47That was, uh...
00:58:50pretty exceptional.
00:58:53So what are you gonna do if I get us rescued?
00:58:59Um, I will take off all your clothes,
00:59:06tie you to the bed,
00:59:11rub warm oil all over your body,
00:59:14from the bottom of those feet to the top of that head,
00:59:19and proceed to have the nastiest, freakiest sex with you that you have ever imagined.
00:59:30Oh, that's it.
00:59:31Damn it!
00:59:32I saw her first.
00:59:33And look what happens.
00:59:35Same thing that happened with Gabriela.
00:59:37I saw her first.
00:59:39And-and-and Wanda Tushman in the third grade, I saw her first.
00:59:42And that girl in Palm Springs, it turned out to be the guy.
00:59:45I saw that thing first, too.
00:59:47You know why I'm not just strangling you right now?
00:59:51Because you can't cook a snake?
00:59:53No.
00:59:55Because no matter how long we've been friends,
00:59:58I never thought you'd be the kind of guy that would save our lives,
01:00:02let alone kill a snake.
01:00:05But you did.
01:00:06Oh, hey, man.
01:00:07Thanks.
01:00:08Yeah.
01:00:09I-I think it's the UN flag.
01:00:12We're safe!
01:00:14Guys, Christine and I are gonna need some time alone.
01:00:17Sure, man.
01:00:23...in the situation room of the White House today,
01:00:26and the President is scheduled to address the nation tomorrow at 6 p.m. Eastern Standard Time.
01:00:31We will, of course-
01:00:32Welcome.
01:00:33You are the Reservers from Glendale, California, correct?
01:00:36This all fuels-
01:00:37According to WNR, you are presumed dead in a truck explosion.
01:00:41Um, where are we?
01:00:45You're on a military base, well inside Libya.
01:00:48That is all you need to know.
01:00:50Oh, I forgot to mention, the war is starting tomorrow.
01:00:55How'd you know that?
01:00:57American TV.
01:00:59Your country is expected to start bombing our air bases tomorrow.
01:01:03And when that happens, we will unleash missiles with chemical warheads against your bases.
01:01:09Consider yourself lucky to be here.
01:01:11Sleep well.
01:01:15You know, this is fine.
01:01:16It's like the time you got us arrested in Tijuana.
01:01:18Except for in Libya.
01:01:20And your dad's not gonna pick us up here, brother.
01:01:23There he is.
01:01:25Yo, it's stuck.
01:01:26Aren't you guys also American?
01:01:32Oh, see, I see.
01:01:34I was wounded and I don't feel well.
01:01:36Please, sing a song to comfort me.
01:01:38Sing a song?
01:01:39Any song.
01:01:43Oh, okay.
01:01:46Rescue me.
01:01:48Sing.
01:01:49Uh-huh.
01:01:49What?
01:01:55My team was on strategic recon.
01:01:58Huh?
01:01:59You know, that's when you go behind enemy lines and you try to locate their assets like
01:02:03tanks and bunkers.
01:02:04We were on our way to a resupply drop and we were ambushed.
01:02:07The other guys were killed.
01:02:08Killed?
01:02:11I took a bullet in the leg and they brought me here.
01:02:16Uh-huh.
01:02:18I don't know any words to this song.
01:02:20Kiss me, baby.
01:02:21Kiss me, baby.
01:02:22Kiss me, baby.
01:02:23Yeah, yeah.
01:02:23Bring it.
01:02:24Hold me, baby.
01:02:25Hold me, baby.
01:02:26Do me, baby.
01:02:27Use this to dig around the base of the bars from a window.
01:02:31I got one of them loose all over.
01:02:32You want to escape?
01:02:33What are you crazy?
01:02:38Look, it's the duty of every POW to try and escape.
01:02:41We're in the middle of a desert.
01:02:42What good is it gonna do for us to escape?
01:02:44To complete the recon mission, soldier, a special operations cargo plane was instructed
01:02:49to make a supply drop at a rendezvous point about 15K north of here.
01:02:53If we can get off this base, I can get us to the rendezvous if we want.
01:02:56You're insane, okay?
01:02:57The Libyans are gonna launch chemical weapons.
01:02:59We're much safer here.
01:03:00No.
01:03:00I'm a soldier and I got a job to do.
01:03:03And so are you.
01:03:05Now get to work.
01:03:07Private.
01:03:08I'm lonely.
01:03:11Rescue me.
01:03:13Keep working, baby.
01:03:24Ah.
01:03:28My heart.
01:03:30You know what?
01:03:31You didn't scare me.
01:03:33I just fell like screaming.
01:03:34Don't worry.
01:03:35about it most men think I'm scary so you can't sleep I'm too excited excited they might torture
01:03:45us tomorrow they might even kill us I know it's just like the night before Christmas yeah well
01:03:51at my house we got presents I'm talking about the anticipation we might die we might escape it
01:04:01we don't know what's gonna happen that's the coolest thing in the whole world most girls are
01:04:06into horses and stuff you're weird most men say that too I like it you do yeah horses are boring
01:04:31so if I do get us out of here and I will is it true what you said about tying
01:04:37me up and all that wild
01:04:38sex stuff I'll have you kiss me again
01:04:44okay
01:04:50I think I got it
01:04:53you got it
01:05:03Stern you gotta wake up I can't turn the alarm off
01:05:06it's not an alarm it's an air raid silence oh thank god
01:05:11I thought I was having another panic attack
01:05:16it's not an alarm it's an air raid silent oh thank god
01:05:23I thought I was having another panic attack
01:05:53yes
01:05:59almost
01:06:00try again
01:06:02okay
01:06:02crush
01:06:08that was good just a little more to the left we got him
01:06:12yeah you guys just keep trying
01:06:14do you guys realize what we are doing right now
01:06:17this is a scene from Pirates of the Caribbean all we need is that mangy dog
01:06:22right and then we can go
01:06:25why just try it again
01:06:29yeah
01:06:30yeah
01:06:31yeah
01:06:32yeah
01:06:35yeah
01:06:39oh
01:06:41yeah
01:06:57How much do you love me?
01:07:09I'm sorry, I don't get it. What is it with us and trucks?
01:07:12I mean, we get them, we break them, we smash them, we crash them, we run out of gas.
01:07:15I don't get it.
01:07:16Yes, yes, yes, I understand that, but we're not getting tortured by Baba Gadoosh right now, okay?
01:07:21No. Instead, we're lost in the desert again, without food and water again.
01:07:27And stuck with this special forces guy, he can't even walk because he got his legs shot off.
01:07:32Fred, we're free.
01:07:33Damn, we're gonna die free.
01:07:36Or maybe not.
01:07:4455 American dollars.
01:07:47And then on top of it, see this, Chuck?
01:07:51Serious, bona fide Libyan army fighting machine.
01:07:54And it's all part of this amazing offer, my friend.
01:07:58And maybe if you're lucky, you might even have a cool eight track.
01:08:00You can play abuda-ba-da-ba-da stuff on it.
01:08:04Huh?
01:08:05And you ask me, how could it be?
01:08:07Why such a deal?
01:08:08Because we're crazy, boys!
01:08:11We're giving it away!
01:08:18Hmm?
01:08:21You like this watch? Is it interesting?
01:08:24No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
01:08:25No, he likes it.
01:08:26Come on, he likes it.
01:08:27Come on, it's got the phases of the moon and the compass.
01:08:31What?
01:08:32This has a compass?
01:08:34Yeah.
01:08:34Really?
01:08:35Yeah, well, we've been stuck in the desert for three days, and you're telling me this watch has a compass.
01:08:39Sorry.
01:08:40Ooh, Jack.
01:08:41Ooh, you're gonna get some noogies later.
01:08:43I'm gonna just pound you like this.
01:08:45I forgot.
01:08:45Yeah, well, uh...
01:08:46About the compass.
01:08:47Well, you're gonna forget about your little watch here, Jack, because it's gone.
01:08:51Uh-huh.
01:08:52Here you go, my friend.
01:08:54Hey, you guys.
01:08:55In my life, I've seen a lot of camel's toes.
01:09:00But I never see one in a camel.
01:09:03I think he's got a crush on you, Bones.
01:09:06Really?
01:09:06How can you tell?
01:09:08Because he's been nibbling on your ears.
01:09:11Yeah?
01:09:12And licking on your neck.
01:09:14It's okay.
01:09:16You're just a camel.
01:09:20Our supply drops on the other side of that Libyan base.
01:09:24What Libyan base?
01:09:25Paul, are you blind?
01:09:27It's a Libyan base covered with a camel tent.
01:09:29What are you talking about?
01:09:31I guess we're gonna have to go around it.
01:09:34Around what?
01:09:35See that jeep right there?
01:09:36Mm-hmm, I see the jeep.
01:09:37Okay.
01:09:38But I certainly don't...
01:09:41Oh, you mean that Libyan base, the one under the camo tent.
01:09:46I thought you guys were talking about some other Libyan base.
01:09:50Will there be medical supplies?
01:09:51Medical supplies, uniforms, food, water, radio, everything you need.
01:09:56Yeah, but where is it?
01:09:57It's supposed to be right here.
01:10:00Hey, you guys!
01:10:01Come on!
01:10:04Hey!
01:10:05Come on, you guys!
01:10:06Where is it?
01:10:06Come on!
01:10:07Oh!
01:10:08Oh!
01:10:10Woo!
01:10:11Woo!
01:10:13Woo!
01:10:13Whoo! Whoo!
01:10:16Whoo!
01:10:17Yeah!
01:10:20Yeah!
01:10:23Yeah!
01:10:24Good fun!
01:10:27Hot wheels!
01:10:36Oh.
01:10:42Stern!
01:10:44These things are intense.
01:10:45No wonder people join the army.
01:10:48Be all that you can be in the army.
01:10:52What happened to him?
01:10:54His leg looks pretty bad.
01:10:55I think it's infected because he lost a lot of blood.
01:10:58But look at his gums.
01:10:59They're fabulous, man.
01:11:00Not a touch of gingivitis.
01:11:02He's been flossing.
01:11:03Yeah, but why is he acting so wasted?
01:11:05Oh, that's some morphine.
01:11:07Absolutely.
01:11:08The morphine, the better.
01:11:12Hello? Somebody answer us, please.
01:11:14You gotta believe us.
01:11:15We're stuck out here in the middle.
01:11:17Please, just help us.
01:11:18Get a hold of yourself, soldier.
01:11:20Oh, thank God it's you.
01:11:22Listen.
01:11:22Don't say my name.
01:11:23What did I say to you when you first arrived in Chad?
01:11:28Uh, something about your clock being broken?
01:11:31Close enough.
01:11:32Okay, calm down, son.
01:11:34We're gonna get you out of there.
01:11:35Now, listen carefully.
01:11:36Your call sign is now Glendale.
01:11:39Our call sign is now Burbank.
01:11:43Did you recover the fast attack vehicles, Glendale?
01:11:45Oh, you mean those dune buggies.
01:11:47Yeah, those things are intense.
01:11:49Good.
01:11:50This equipment was intended for the special forces team to carry out a vital mission.
01:11:54You are our only assets on the ground with the right equipment in the right place.
01:12:00Say what?
01:12:01You have to take over, Glendale.
01:12:04Huh.
01:12:04Listen, let me explain something first of all, Sergeant.
01:12:07We're water boys.
01:12:08Okay, please.
01:12:09Your soldiers first, Glendale.
01:12:12Now, listen up.
01:12:14The Libyans have a mobile scud launching base right in your area.
01:12:19These scuds are loaded with chemical weapons and targeted at U.S. bases.
01:12:23Our aerial photographs haven't been able to find them.
01:12:26You want us to find them?
01:12:28Well, what about Stern?
01:12:29Stern can find them.
01:12:30He'll be up pretty soon, Stern.
01:12:31Daddy, why can't I go to ballet class?
01:12:35Teacher says I'm a natural.
01:12:38These scuds can't be spotted from the air because of heavy camouflage.
01:12:44Camouflage?
01:12:45Why didn't you say so in the first place?
01:12:47Listen, we saw the thing this morning.
01:12:49Stern wrote down the coordinates, right, Stern?
01:12:52We'll tell you where it is.
01:12:53You guys can come here and bomb the hell out of it.
01:12:56Come on, send the air force.
01:12:57It's not enough to tell us.
01:12:59You have to go back there and paint it.
01:13:02Paint it?
01:13:03Trust me, it looks perfectly fine the way it is.
01:13:06I mean paint it with the laser.
01:13:08The laser target designator is in your equipment.
01:13:12All you have to do is return to that base, point the laser at it, and call me back on
01:13:17the radio.
01:13:18The air force will do the rest.
01:13:20You can be a mile away in perfect safety.
01:13:24All right, wait a minute.
01:13:26Chris!
01:13:27What?
01:13:28Get over here.
01:13:29Bones, they can't make us do anything.
01:13:30We don't know how to use this stuff.
01:13:32Fred, do you use lasers in dentistry, right?
01:13:35Uh-uh, I know what's going on.
01:13:37You gonna try to make the brother hold the laser, right?
01:13:39No.
01:13:39My laser was a little itty bitty laser.
01:13:41This is a big laser.
01:13:42There's a difference.
01:13:44Glendale!
01:13:45Glendale!
01:13:45No, no, no, no, no.
01:13:46Can't they just evacuate the bases?
01:13:48Yeah, or we can take an hour out of our busy lives, hop in these cool dune buggies,
01:13:53pop the base with the laser, and let the air force blow the hell out of it.
01:13:56Now you listen to me, Glendale.
01:13:57Please, hold yourself there one second.
01:14:00I'm just trying to have a moment with my friends.
01:14:02Is that okay?
01:14:03Just have a cup of java.
01:14:04Please, chill.
01:14:08Fred, when you first got here, you were completely freaked, right?
01:14:12Yeah.
01:14:13And now look at you, huh?
01:14:15You're a regular G.I. Joe, a fighting man from head to toe.
01:14:19And Chris, you wanted infantry.
01:14:22Well, now's your chance, let's see what you got.
01:14:27And Jack, my friend, you were a complete screw-up.
01:14:31But now look at you.
01:14:33You're still a screw-up, but if you did this and you survived,
01:14:36you'd have stuff to tell your little screw-up grandkids.
01:14:39Basically, you guys, up to a few months ago,
01:14:41we were all a bunch of minimum wage losers from Glendale.
01:14:44But this whole event has changed our lives.
01:14:47You know who we owe it to?
01:14:48The army.
01:14:51This is something we gotta do.
01:14:52Come on, just go with it.
01:14:54Chris, I know you're with me.
01:14:57Yeah, boy.
01:14:59Fred, listen, if you can't handle it, I understand, man.
01:15:02I can handle it.
01:15:04Jack, what do you say, man?
01:15:07Oh, I say, I say you're crazy.
01:15:09I think you're all nuts.
01:15:11But you're the private first class, I'm the private.
01:15:14I'm gonna follow you, my friend, wherever.
01:15:17All right, you guys, let's do this thing.
01:15:20Kick it, man.
01:15:21Darren, you ready?
01:15:23Let's go, Bone.
01:15:25I know, I know.
01:15:26It's just a little bit of business I have to take care of.
01:15:33You're gonna have to go now.
01:15:36You're gonna have to go be all the camel that you can be.
01:15:41You're gonna have to take care of.
01:15:44Bye.
01:15:49All right, troops!
01:15:53Let's go bust some Scuds!
01:16:12Get ready.
01:16:20Do you need that?
01:16:23Hold it down.
01:16:28Oh, thanks, honey.
01:16:29Fuck the demon.
01:16:34Whoa!
01:16:40Here comes a little answer.
01:16:41No themes.
01:16:48All right, Glendale to Burbank, come in.
01:16:51I wish we had cooler codenames.
01:16:52What was that, Glendale?
01:16:54Nothing, I was just saying that these codenames suck.
01:16:57Can I call you General Sweetpants?
01:16:59You better remember who you're talking to, Glendale.
01:17:01Are you in position?
01:17:02Guy's got no sense of humor.
01:17:04Yeah, we can see the target.
01:17:06Have you painted it with the laser?
01:17:11Just did.
01:17:13Good going, Glendale.
01:17:14The airstrike is inbound.
01:17:16You should acquire the target in seven minutes.
01:17:19It is vital that you do not take the laser off the target until the target is destroyed.
01:17:24Can you hold it there for seven minutes?
01:17:26I got it propped up here on the rock.
01:17:28I can hold it here all day long.
01:17:29I'm good to go.
01:17:31No problem, Burbank.
01:17:33Good.
01:17:34Lay low and report any change in situation.
01:17:37We'll be standing by.
01:17:39Out.
01:17:55Come on.
01:17:57Come on.
01:18:00Come on.
01:18:04Tell me again about the store.
01:18:07Oh, the store.
01:18:08Well, it's going to be great.
01:18:10We're going to have our own room where people can get their feet massaged.
01:18:14Sorrow.
01:18:15Look up!
01:18:38Hold your position, Glendale, and keep that laser on the target.
01:18:41On the target?
01:18:43We are the target!
01:18:47Tell them to hurry up!
01:18:48You better hurry.
01:18:49We got 60 pissed off Libyans heading towards us.
01:18:52Stay with it.
01:18:53Stay with it.
01:18:57Let's get these guys here.
01:18:59Come on.
01:19:00Okay.
01:19:02Get out of here.
01:19:03All right.
01:19:04This is for the Glendale water, boy.
01:19:06Come here.
01:19:13Come on.
01:19:16Not bad.
01:19:17Woo!
01:19:18Woo!
01:19:20Woo!
01:19:21Woo!
01:19:22Woo!
01:19:23Woo!
01:19:33Woo!
01:19:41Reload.
01:19:42No, no, no!
01:19:50Ah, shit!
01:20:19Shit, they missed.
01:20:21Yeah, well, at least they didn't blow up my head.
01:20:25Where you going, soldiers?
01:20:26We know you can do it.
01:20:27Oh, perfect.
01:20:28I'm gonna find you the biggest bottle of champagne in Chad.
01:20:32Yeah, well, don't pop the cork yet.
01:20:34The bomb's best.
01:20:35The base wasn't hit.
01:20:37You better send another airstrike here and send it fast.
01:20:40Wait one.
01:20:49Lindale.
01:20:50The backup strike of F-111s is being diverted to your target.
01:20:54GTA, three minutes.
01:20:55Three minutes?
01:20:56What are you, crazy?
01:20:57We don't have three minutes.
01:20:59In three minutes, we're gonna be shish kebabs.
01:21:01We're under serious attack.
01:21:03You'll have to hold them.
01:21:06There he is.
01:21:09There he is.
01:21:13Oh, shit.
01:21:19Oh, my God.
01:21:21You better get the planes here sooner.
01:21:23The scuds are ready to fire.
01:21:25Two minutes and 30 seconds.
01:21:29Hey, hey.
01:21:31Where's he going?
01:21:50You stay right here.
01:21:52I gotta go.
01:22:02You guys, move up.
01:22:05Move over.
01:22:06Oh.
01:22:08Cock-firing mechanism.
01:22:11Report the situation.
01:22:14Shut up.
01:22:28Aim to set range if known or estimate.
01:22:31Who came up with these directions?
01:22:33I don't know.
01:22:34Tell me to shut up one more time when I'm gonna rip your spine out and use it for a
01:22:37putting iron.
01:22:38Shut up.
01:22:39I'm not good with directions.
01:22:42Push.
01:22:43Safety.
01:22:44And hold down.
01:22:46Okay, now everybody back.
01:22:48Fire.
01:22:49By pushing.
01:22:50Tricking.
01:22:55Suck on this at once time.
01:23:10Last chance, my friend.
01:23:12Whoa.
01:23:20Whoa.
01:23:30Yeah.
01:23:35Yes.
01:23:39Yeah.
01:23:40Yeah.
01:23:41Woo-hoo.
01:23:41Oh, yeah!
01:23:43Yeah!
01:23:45Yeah!
01:23:47Yeah!
01:23:47Oh, man!
01:23:48Yeah!
01:23:49Oh!
01:23:50Oh!
01:23:51That's my signal.
01:23:52Everybody scream like crazy.
01:23:54Uh-huh.
01:23:54Make them think we've got 50 guys up here, okay?
01:23:57Okay.
01:23:57One, and go!
01:24:00Yeah!
01:24:14We scared them!
01:24:17I can't believe we scared them!
01:24:19I can't believe we scared them out!
01:24:20Ah!
01:24:22Yeah!
01:24:25Don't mess with the Glendale Reserves!
01:24:29Two weeks a year, one week in a month, we're the few!
01:24:35We're the browns!
01:24:37We're the water boys!
01:24:40All stuck!
01:24:42Get down!
01:24:45Get down!
01:25:10Yes!
01:25:12Oh, man!
01:25:21Oh, man!
01:25:33Yeah!
01:25:35Woo!
01:25:36Come on!
01:25:36Yeah!
01:25:40No! Soldiers! I'm proud of you guys!
01:25:44Redmail!
01:25:52You ought to be damn pleased with yourselves.
01:25:56Congratulations. You did an outstanding job.
01:25:59It wasn't a job for a sergeant. It was an adventure.
01:26:35You're going to have to go get a blood test phone.
01:27:09Don't forget to subscribe and subscribe to my channel.
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