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00:09You
00:09Must be some spell I can say to undo all this you have to bury it deep below the place
00:14where your journey began
00:25I've been wanting to
00:28Get closer to you
00:29So you two together or all no, he's got a girlfriend though
00:41Another you looking for me
00:50Die
00:56I
01:12What the fuck is going on?
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06:25It's cool of you guys to show us the way out of here.
06:27Oh, yeah, well
06:29Anything to get out of a house of dead animals, right?
06:32Listen, I know you're not hunters
06:36or veterinarians, not normal ones anyway.
06:39What are you guys up to?
06:41What?
06:42Uh
06:44We're getting you and your family to Elk Rapids
06:47Okay, fine. It's a secret. You know what?
06:49If you didn't have a girlfriend, I'd find a way to get it out of you.
06:51Whoa
06:52What do you mean girlfriend?
06:54Well, I heard you were seeing someone
06:57From who?
06:59From... from her
07:02Is it serious?
07:06I'm not sure
07:10I
07:15You okay?
07:16Yeah
07:25Chopping up my evil clone
07:28Maybe someday that'll feel weird
07:40Just the two of us
07:42We can't fix it if we try
07:45Just the two of us
07:47Just the two of us
07:49Just the two of us
07:52Just the two of us
07:53Building castles in the sky
07:55Just the two of us
07:57You and I
08:26Maybe I should mount this on the wall
08:27Maybe I should mount this on the wall
08:27Maybe I should mount this on the wall
08:42Ash
08:43Ash
08:43Fuck me
08:45To bury me is a mistake
08:47No
08:48No
08:50No, we are not having this conversation
08:51You should use me
08:55No
08:55I already did that dance
08:57Made my life a living hell
08:58Only because you're trying to fight me
09:01Stop fighting, admit it
09:04You're not all good either
09:06You are
09:07Be smart for once
09:10Use me
09:13No
09:14You're taking a dirt nap
09:16Ash
09:17If you bury me
09:19You stop being a Superman
09:21And go back to being a stock boy
09:23No
09:24Yes
09:25Nope, not this guy
09:26I've got possibilities
09:28To do what?
09:30Have a family?
09:32Become president?
09:33Get rich?
09:35None of that's ever going to happen
09:37I'm what makes you special
09:39Blah, blah, blah
09:42Plays over to Shakespeare
09:51Amanda, I'm sorry for what I must do to you
09:55Promise I'll be a gentleman and respect your modesty
09:58While I cut you into small pieces
10:01Well
10:02Maybe just one last little peek at those
10:06Oh shit
10:13Amanda
10:19You know what?
10:21I like the forest in the fog
10:22And it glows
10:24Yeah
10:25Day or night
10:26There's always something beautiful out here
10:29Even if it's hard for some people to say it
10:31Hey, I voted for like Habitsy, okay?
10:39So Heather just told me that I got a girlfriend?
10:42That's weird
10:45Yeah
10:46She said you told her that
10:49I did
10:52Why?
10:53I don't think she's good enough for you
10:56What's wrong with her?
10:58Come on, you know how crazy girls can be
11:01Yeah
11:03I'm learning
11:05Look Pablo, I'm sorry, okay?
11:07But it's not a good idea to get involved with someone right now
11:12What? Why?
11:12Because life expectancy is real short out here
11:17And I don't want to have to deal with that aftermath
11:21Neither should you
11:24That's not how I want to live
11:30Watch out, stay back
11:31What is it? What is it?
11:32What is it?
11:50It was just a...
11:53Raccoon
11:54Ew
11:54Guys, guys, what the hell?
11:57You know, it makes for a real good eating
12:00I've never heard that before
12:02Oh yeah
12:03Makes a real robust and savory stew
12:07Uh, we should keep moving
12:09Come on
12:13Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa
12:15Hang on, hang on
12:16Let's look before we leap this time, huh?
12:18Get out of the way, Brad
12:19Excuse me, but my husband works in forestry
12:21And I think you should listen to him
12:22He needs to stand clear of the trees, alright?
12:24What? So you're gonna shoot another innocent animal?
12:36Hello, pussies
12:38Ash is supposed to chop you up
12:40I guess he can't do anything right
12:51Shit! Shit!
12:56Oh, god
13:05Oh, my god!
13:15Drop him!
13:18Guys, that's what Ash would want you to do
13:19Oh, god
13:21Hello
13:22I'm Pablo
13:23I do whatever Ash wants me to do
13:25Oh, oh, oh
13:26Hi, I'm Kelly
13:27I do whatever Ash wants me to do, too
13:31Hello, Kelly
13:32Do you love me?
13:33Cause I love you
13:36I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you
13:38Ha, ha, ha
14:03You're next, hot step
14:05Leave her alone!
14:06Oh, oh, oh!
14:44Oh, oh, oh!
15:00Before you die, I want you to know there is no heaven.
15:07I'm going to peel the skin off your pretty little face.
15:10Get away from her!
15:21It's time your loaded ash got rewarded.
15:45Amanda.
15:47Ruby.
15:49Ash did this to me.
15:51Don't trust her.
15:52She's lying.
15:54The truth.
15:56No.
15:58No.
15:59No.
16:00No.
16:00No.
16:00No.
16:01No.
16:02No.
16:02No.
16:03No.
16:03The truth is, we can still be together if you want.
16:11Well, I like that.
16:14But our time has not yet come.
16:31Did you really have to do that?
16:35Amateurs.
16:36Who the hell is that?
16:39I...
16:40My...
16:40My big...
16:53I'm almost done.
16:55This isn't real.
16:57It can't be happening.
16:58I wish you were right.
16:59Better tell Goldilocks to shut her baby blues.
17:02This fairy tale's about to get real bloody.
17:07Oh, jeez.
17:08Just stop it.
17:09What are you doing?
17:10It's okay.
17:11Listen.
17:11You gotta chop them up.
17:13Or else they could come back with something much worse.
17:17Nothing is worse than this.
17:19Trust me.
17:20Everything is worse than this.
17:25So who the hell are you and what do you want with Ash?
17:27I'm the one who's gonna stop him turning more people into monsters.
17:31What the hell are you talking about?
17:32Ash doesn't turn anyone into monsters.
17:34He fights them.
17:35Yeah.
17:36He's the only one standing in their way.
17:39Yeah, me too.
17:40I stand in their way all the time.
17:42Oh, yeah.
17:43He fights them, alright.
17:44He's still got that book, hasn't he?
17:47The Necronomicon?
17:50Because, you know, that...
17:51That is at the root of all this trouble.
17:55Listen.
17:57Amanda was my friend, too.
18:01It doesn't matter what Ash's intentions are.
18:07As long as he's got that book...
18:13A trail of dead bodies is gonna follow.
18:21So take me to him.
18:48Now let's go.
18:49I bet he's got that book.
18:50I'm pretty sure it's so weird.
18:50There he is.
18:50It was a great dream.
18:50We've tried to take a look.
18:50We've tried to keep it down.
18:50So we have to throw him at his place.
18:51Even if we don't have to start, we'll be able to take them out to him.
18:52And he needs to kill him.
18:59We had to catch him.
19:05Why the hell are you on this property?
19:07And where's the book you stole from my family?
19:10Easy, Nancy Drew.
19:12What the hell are you guys doing?
19:13Selling tickets?
19:13She's a nobie.
19:14And she saved us from Fisher.
19:17Well, not all of us.
19:19Okay.
19:20All right.
19:21Well, number one, it's my book.
19:23Has been for 30 years.
19:24Number two, I'm on your damn property
19:25because I'm here to save a little something I call Earth.
19:29You know what I've been doing these past 30 years?
19:32Cleaning up your messes so they don't destroy a giant thing
19:35that everyone calls the Earth.
19:38And what have you accomplished in all these years?
19:41You put a chainsaw on your stump?
19:45Congratulations.
19:46You know, it's a lot harder than it looks.
19:48Name one other person you know that has a functioning chainsaw arm.
19:51This has to stop.
19:53You've got the Necronomicon, and you need to give it to me.
19:56So where is it?
19:56None of your beeswinks.
19:57I will tell you this, though.
19:59Pretty soon it's going to be six feet under.
20:01Oh, you're going to bury it?
20:01Bet you, Bippy.
20:03I found that out during a drug-fueled trip.
20:05So your entire plan to save the world comes courtesy of a bong head?
20:09No.
20:09I didn't smoke the drug, lady.
20:11I drank the drug,
20:12which gave my mind a backstage pass to reality show.
20:15I'm going to bury it in the basement,
20:16then I can finally say to Evil,
20:18hey, Evil, why don't you eat my butt?
20:20Wonderful imagery.
20:21But it won't work if you just bury the book.
20:24That's what my vision says.
20:26Then your vision is stupid.
20:28Yeah, you're right.
20:29It is kind of stupid.
20:30Almost as stupid as your stupid face.
20:36You say one more dumb thing.
20:38I'm going to say a lot of dumb things.
20:43That didn't work.
20:45Okay, okay, kids, break it up, all right?
20:48Just everyone take a deep breath, okay?
20:51Look, if the book is just buried like before,
20:54then some other fool like you can come along and use it.
20:58For the Necronomicon to be laid to rest,
21:00it has to be dismantled, destroyed.
21:04Impossible.
21:04Tried it.
21:05With what, your pea shooter and your power saw?
21:09Don't talk bad about Mo and Larry here.
21:11They've served me very well over the years.
21:13Sure.
21:14They can kill the body that evil inhabits,
21:16but that spirit just keeps coming back, doesn't it?
21:20Maybe.
21:21Yeah.
21:22You see, the book and the evil that surrounds it
21:24really aren't affected by such things.
21:26Now, you've got to use it.
21:29The Kandarian dagger.
21:31I know what that is.
21:32Yeah, so why don't you show me the book,
21:34and we'll finally end this.
21:37I've got to talk to my peeps.
21:42All right, guys.
21:43What do you think?
21:44Okay, well, she did save our lives,
21:47and I think she smells kind of nice.
21:48Although, I haven't showered in a really long time,
21:50so I'm probably not the best judge.
21:52I don't know.
21:53I mean, if I've learned anything from you, Ash,
21:56it's that if something seems too good to be true,
21:58it probably is.
22:00And also, she doesn't smell that nice.
22:02Man, making decisions is so hard.
22:04Let's look on the bright side.
22:06We're balls deep in this shit.
22:07There's nowhere to go, but up.
22:10Yeah, up Schitt's Creek.
22:12Well, out of paddle.
22:18So...
22:22So...
22:26Okay, you have to use the Kandarian dagger
22:28to deface the book.
22:31Literally, rip the face off the binding.
22:35And once you start, you cannot stop,
22:37no matter how difficult it gets.
22:39Don't stop till the facelift is done.
22:41Got it.
22:43Okay, book.
22:44It's gonna hurt you a lot more
22:45than it's gonna hurt me.
22:48Ash!
22:50Yeah, I forgot to mention,
22:51this thing has become quite the chatty cafe.
22:54Not for long.
22:57Ash!
22:59No!
23:05Please!
23:10Die!
23:15Oh, my God!
23:18No!
23:32Oh, Jesus.
23:39Okay, now what?
23:41Now present the book to me.
23:43Then the power of ownership will be mine, and the ritual will be complete.
23:47Sounds simple enough.
23:53What's wrong?
23:55Uh, nothing.
23:57Then why'd you stop?
23:58Well, I don't know. It's just, should I say goodbye to it, or what?
24:01With the book defaced, time is of the essence.
24:03Yeah, yeah, I got that.
24:04But after all we've been through?
24:07Ash, you have carried this burden for 30 years.
24:11Isn't it time you let someone else take the load?
24:14Just let her take your load, jefe.
24:15Okay? Just finish it.
24:27Okay. Fine. Sure. Yeah, take it.
24:29Okay.
24:38Hey, good-bye.
25:09I don't think I like this.
25:42There's something fishy with that book.
26:23You have no idea what you're doing.
26:37Of course I know what I'm doing.
26:39I wrote this book.
26:49If they ask me, I could write a book
26:55About the way you walk and whisper and look
27:03I could write a preface on how we met
27:12So the world would never forget
27:17So the world would never forget
27:47So the world would never forget
27:50So the world would never forget
27:51To be continued...
27:52You
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