- 4 days ago
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:00MUSIC
00:23Good evening.
00:24Welcome to Would I Lie To You?
00:26The show with naked truths and well-dressed lies.
00:30On David Mitchell's team tonight,
00:31she puts the personality in TV personality.
00:35It's Holly Willoughby.
00:36CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
00:39And Olympian, Gladiator, she is on fire.
00:44It's Montel Douglas.
00:46CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
00:49And on Lee Mack's team tonight,
00:51a stand-up comedian and Taskmaster star,
00:54it's John Kearns.
00:55CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
00:57And an award-winning actor and filmmaker,
01:01it's only David Morrissey.
01:03CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:07So, to round one, home truths,
01:10where our panellists read out a statement from the card in front of them.
01:13To make things harder, they've never seen the card before.
01:16They have no idea what they'll be faced with.
01:18It's up to the opposing team to sort the fact from the fiction.
01:22David, your first up.
01:25Oh, my commitment to preparing for a part
01:27once ruined a romantic weekend away.
01:31Ooh, David's team.
01:32So, what was the role?
01:34Like a chef in a kitchen,
01:36so I had to familiarise myself with all that.
01:39At which stage of your, may I say, fairly fated career?
01:43It's lovely to have some class on that side.
01:45Thank you very much.
01:46I mean, that's fine for me, but pointing at a new guy...
01:48LAUGHTER
01:49It's a bit harsh, Rob.
01:51I will say...
01:51You can say to the regulars,
01:53but not the new guy who's just come and gone.
01:55Will it be fun?
01:56Yes.
01:56The only line is,
01:58it's nice to have some class,
01:59apart from them two.
02:00LAUGHTER
02:01I will say, with you,
02:03you do look like three solicitors on a team-building weekend.
02:08And you're allowed to wear fun shirts,
02:10but you didn't get the email.
02:12LAUGHTER
02:14So, David, which stage of your wonderful career was this?
02:17It was a film I did in the late 90s.
02:19It was called Some Voices.
02:21And you were playing a chef.
02:22The director was very precise about what he wanted,
02:26so he wanted to see my hands chopping vegetables and stuff
02:31and then come up to my face.
02:32And he said, it's got to be in this one shot.
02:35And my wife at the time and I had booked a romantic weekend away.
02:39Where were you taking her?
02:41It was, like, some hotel somewhere.
02:43Some hotel somewhere.
02:44LAUGHTER
02:44And you say she was your wife then,
02:46and I think it's...
02:48LAUGHTER
02:48It's all falling into place, isn't it, now?
02:51LAUGHTER
02:52And, er, I phoned ahead and said,
02:54could I work in your kitchen?
02:56Could I work in your kitchen?
02:58I got there and the guy said,
02:59oh, off you go, you've got a stint in the kitchen.
03:03So, as soon as you arrived, you come with me
03:06and your wife was left in the room alone.
03:09Alone?
03:10Yeah.
03:11And, er...
03:11How did she respond?
03:13Not great.
03:16Did it help?
03:17Did you learn how to chop and all that sort of stuff?
03:19Yeah, it helped a bit, you know, but then it was, er,
03:23it ruined the weekend, it ruined the marriage.
03:24How did it...
03:25LAUGHTER
03:27And what did the former Mrs Morrissey,
03:31because she's long gone,
03:32but what did the former Mrs Morrissey make of the meal?
03:35Don't say she's long gone.
03:37LAUGHTER
03:37Sorry, I'm sure she's still with us.
03:40I mean, she's long gone from you.
03:42Don't even say, I'm sure she's still with us.
03:44Just don't say anything.
03:46Just don't mention the welfare of the ex-Mrs Morrissey.
03:49OK, but Mrs Morrissey, as was...
03:51LAUGHTER
03:53How...
03:54How did she rate the meal?
03:56It didn't help when I kept saying to her, you know,
03:59I chopped them, I did that.
04:02LAUGHTER
04:02Holly, what do you think?
04:03I imagine he has got that dedication.
04:06He's a proper actor.
04:08I know, though it's a real...
04:08He's a proper actor.
04:11And all he would have been thinking about
04:12is preparing for the...
04:14I know, I know.
04:14He doesn't care what it's for.
04:15Do you know what, Gavin and Stacey, how do you prepare
04:18playing that little annoying Welsh git?
04:24APPLAUSE
04:27The one with the highest viewing figures for 30 years.
04:30Oh, OK.
04:31CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
04:33Boom!
04:34Drop the mic.
04:36LAUGHTER
04:37The question is, is David Morrissey telling the truth?
04:42I instinctively think it might be true.
04:44Let's get true, then.
04:45They all think it's true.
04:46Yeah, true.
04:47They think it's true.
04:47David, was it true, or were you telling a lie?
04:50It was...
04:52True.
04:52CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
04:54It's true.
04:56David's commitment to acting did ruin a romantic weekend.
05:01John, you're next.
05:04As a boy, I got to go on Blue Peter
05:08for having an absolutely massive rabbit.
05:11LAUGHTER
05:11David's team.
05:13I hope this is true.
05:15Yes, that would be a nice story.
05:16I really hope this is true.
05:17LAUGHTER
05:17Who were the hosts of Blue Peter when you went on?
05:21I did the interview with Connie Huck.
05:23How old are you?
05:24Eight.
05:25Eight?
05:25No, no, now.
05:27LAUGHTER
05:30It's been a...
05:31It's been a tough life.
05:33It's been a tough life.
05:34So what year was this?
05:361996.
05:37Have you got a Blue Peas badge?
05:39Got a gold one.
05:40Oh!
05:41A gold Blue Peter badge?
05:42Yeah.
05:43When I was a child, people who got gold, that was like...
05:46Above a knighthood.
05:48LAUGHTER
05:49How big was this rabbit?
05:52LAUGHTER
05:53I feel like you overfed it. Did you overfeed it?
05:56Well, I don't think I overfed it. We had a cat called Mitzi.
05:59It went missing.
06:01LAUGHTER
06:09That died when I was three.
06:11OK.
06:12And my mum thought I was making a connection with a pet,
06:15so they bought me a rabbit.
06:17The rabbit's name, what was it?
06:18Samantha.
06:20Samantha?
06:21Samantha.
06:21Were you told that it was a rabbit that would grow to enormous size?
06:25My dad, who bought the rabbit, was told,
06:28yeah, be careful, this might explode.
06:31LAUGHTER
06:31When did he acquire the rabbit?
06:33Sellafield.
06:34There was a bloke...
06:35LAUGHTER
06:42There's a bloke who lives down the road who's still there,
06:44and so he gave my dad one.
06:46It was a normal-sized bunny when I got it.
06:48Normal-sized?
06:49Yeah.
06:50Connie Huck weighed it in one of those, you know, like,
06:53baby weighing scales.
06:54And how much did it weigh?
06:56Eight stone three.
06:57What?
06:58Eight stone three.
07:00What?
07:01Eight stone three.
07:01You had them till then!
07:04Eight stone!
07:05Eight stone?
07:09It's not like a...
07:10Rob Brydon's about eight stone three!
07:14You're fine when you get it!
07:15Connie Huck, it was all, er...
07:19Eight stone three?
07:20Well, I got a gold Bufet badge for me!
07:23How did you get to the studios?
07:26Did you ride in?
07:27Yeah!
07:28Actually, if you were eight, it would have been heavier than you!
07:34It was heavier than me!
07:35We got it in 91.
07:37Got it in 91?
07:38In 96?
07:39In 96 it was bigger than you.
07:41In 96...
07:42It overtook you!
07:43You're a human!
07:45You're a human!
07:45It's about the size of a Shetland pony!
07:49But that's why I'm on Blue Peter with it, man!
07:52I mean, they...
07:53They're not just calling me in because I've got a normal-sized rabbit!
07:57They called me in!
07:58Do you know what?
07:58When I brought it in, they reacted exactly like how you're reacting now!
08:02How did you bring it in?
08:05It's the boy in a car!
08:07It's the boy in a car!
08:08He was driving!
08:09Yeah!
08:11I'm from the sub-loose!
08:16Do you know what?
08:16It had really small ears, wouldn't it?
08:18That is weird.
08:19It had small ears?
08:21Are you sure it wasn't a Shetland pony?
08:26I think it might have been your dad in a rabbit suit...
08:30..to make up for the loss of the cat!
08:36How did Blue Peter hear about your rabbit?
08:40It was like a summer bonanza kind of, you know,
08:43right in with your biggest stuff.
08:46There was a chap there, he was probably about ten,
08:50and he had like a...
08:51Well, he'd grown a tomato.
08:53Oh, so it wasn't just you, it was kids with big things?
08:55Well, there was about three of us stood around.
08:57How big was the tomato?
08:59Er...
08:59Now, careful.
09:02That's about the size of his head.
09:05And what was the third large item?
09:09Why did you create two more big items?
09:12Why have you done this to yourself, Josh?
09:15I wasn't thinking of one, but now you've got three!
09:20There was a girl there,
09:21she had used the same pencil at school for three years,
09:25and it was that big.
09:26Oh!
09:27Those little things as well.
09:28Yeah.
09:29You wrote in...
09:30You were watching Blue Peter.
09:32Do you know what?
09:33You can be cruel on this show sometimes.
09:34No, I'm not being...
09:35I'm just...
09:35You were watching Blue Peter with...
09:39Remind me the rabbit's name?
09:40Samantha.
09:40Samantha.
09:41Don't remind him.
09:44Well, she was kind of wandering around the living room.
09:47Knocking over the sofa.
09:49Yeah.
09:51Smashing through windows.
09:55Smoking a cigar.
09:57Eating the telly.
09:59And it says on the programme,
10:01we're having a big summer bonanza.
10:04Summer bonanza, right.
10:05Writing if you've got anything enormous or tiny.
10:07Yeah.
10:08Please tell me they didn't say that on Blue Peter.
10:13So, hey, John, what happened to Samantha in the fullness of time?
10:17Did she go the way of Mrs. Morrissey?
10:22Like, humans, as you get older, you get smaller.
10:24Yes.
10:25Yeah.
10:25So, she did actually go back to normal size.
10:27Oh, please!
10:27Please!
10:28Wow!
10:30Wow!
10:31She went back to a normal-sized rabbit from eight stones!
10:35But she had massive ears by the end of it.
10:40When she passed, she was, er...
10:42Er...
10:43One stone six.
10:46That's still quite heavy for a rabbit.
10:49How heavy is a stone?
10:51Just one stone is a lot heavier than a rabbit.
10:54I wish I'd known that five minutes ago.
11:00What are you thinking, David's team?
11:02It's so wild.
11:03I've never heard of a rabbit that's that big.
11:04I can't believe he would say that.
11:07No, no.
11:09You know what, with the dates?
11:11He was spot on with the dates.
11:12He's...
11:12Yeah.
11:13There was a long period where it was very believable, wasn't there?
11:16Everything about his story was perfect.
11:18What?
11:18It was the weight of the rabbit.
11:21But also, I remember now someone getting a gold Blue Peter badge,
11:26and it was Torval and Dean got them when they'd won about four gold medals.
11:33And he got one for, admittedly, the largest rabbit that has ever lived.
11:40What are we going to say?
11:41It's got to be a lie.
11:42It's got to be.
11:43I think we have to say it's a lie.
11:46All right, this is a tense moment.
11:50John, were you telling the truth, or was it a lie?
11:54It was, in fact, a lie.
12:00It's a lie.
12:01John didn't have a massive rabbit.
12:04Our next round is called This Is My, where we bring on a mystery guest
12:08who has a close connection to one of our panellists.
12:11This week, each of David's team will claim it's them
12:14that has the genuine connection to the guest.
12:15It's up to Lee's team to spot who's telling the truth.
12:18So, please welcome this week's special guest, Myra.
12:25APPLAUSE
12:28So, Montel, what is Myra to you?
12:31So, this is Myra, and I once pretended to be her on a running app
12:35so she could beat her rival.
12:38Holly, how do you know Myra?
12:41This is Myra.
12:43She helped spare my blushes when I suffered a catastrophic wardrobe malfunction.
12:48LAUGHTER
12:48And finally, David, what is your relationship with Myra?
12:52This is Myra, and we once queued for ages for a hot sausage roll,
12:58only for me to let a stranger push in in front of us
13:02who then bought all the sausage rolls.
13:05LAUGHTER
13:05There we have it.
13:06Lee's team, where will you begin?
13:08Right, Montel, first of all, remind us,
13:10what was your particular event when you were an athlete?
13:13Erm, so, a sprinter.
13:15100 metres?
13:16Yes.
13:16What kind of times could you get at 100 metres?
13:19Erm, best time was 11.05.
13:21Oh, that's good.
13:22I can only do 11.06.
13:24LAUGHTER
13:25And, of course, you're a gladiator.
13:27So, you're very fit, very athletic.
13:29How do you cheat?
13:30So, you wear a watch on running apps for, like, this one,
13:32and it tracks, basically, you're running how fast you run,
13:35and, essentially, if you wore this watch,
13:37it would just think that you were me.
13:39Why would you want to cheat, though?
13:40I didn't want to cheat, but Myra wanted to cheat,
13:43because she basically wanted to beat her rivals.
13:45She's not a serious athlete.
13:46She just does it for fun.
13:47She does it for fun.
13:48And what kind of distance?
13:495K.
13:50Oh, but you're a sprinter.
13:51I know.
13:52I know.
13:53What kind of time can you do 5K in?
13:55It was beating her time.
13:56Oh, her own time.
13:57So, her time was about 34 minutes.
13:59Well, I did the time, 32.43.
14:01For her?
14:02For her.
14:02When you came back with your 32 minutes,
14:05was she slightly disappointed?
14:06No, she was fine, because, at one point,
14:08I mean, I was tying my shoelace lots of times,
14:10so I was actually going quite slow at one point.
14:11How many times do you need to tie your shoelaces?
14:13How the hell did you do 100 metres in 11 seconds
14:16if you were tying your shoelaces all the time?
14:17Well, we don't wear trainers.
14:18I wear spikes all the time.
14:19Did you come clean to her friend, or...?
14:21Well, I didn't come clean,
14:22but she did a couple of weeks later to her friends.
14:24I think she forgave her.
14:25Really? I would never forgive...
14:27Yeah, that's...
14:28LAUGHTER
14:29Why didn't she just get a cab?
14:31Get a cab?
14:32You say, drive...
14:3429 minute 5K.
14:36They'd have to be calling.
14:37My phone knows if I'm walking or in a car.
14:40Mm.
14:41Just saying.
14:42I know.
14:43You don't need a phone for that,
14:45cos I know that already.
14:47No, but I'm not...
14:48Don't ask my phone, am I walking or in a car?
14:50You don't have anyone on the turns again, are you?
14:52Siri, am I in a car?
14:53Or am I walking really quick again?
14:56Cos my legs are moving!
14:58I try and keep track of the steps I've done each day.
15:01How many steps do you aim for?
15:02I would like to average 10,000 or more over a year per day.
15:07LAUGHTER
15:08Per day?
15:09Per day, per day.
15:10I would like to do 365 steps a year.
15:14LAUGHTER
15:15And what do you...
15:1610,000 a day.
15:17What do you kit yourself out in
15:18when you go for one of these power walks?
15:20I just walk in my normal clothes
15:22and arrive sort of clammy.
15:24LAUGHTER
15:25That's his profile on Match.com.
15:28Right, who next?
15:29Oh, well, I'd like Montel to do a blood test, please.
15:32LAUGHTER
15:34So, er...
15:35Holly.
15:36Yes.
15:36Remind us again of your lie.
15:38I mean, of your thing.
15:40So, this is Myra.
15:41She once helped me spare my blushes
15:43when I had a catastrophic wardrobe malfunction.
15:46What was that?
15:47What was the malfunction?
15:47Erm, my zip on my dress bust.
15:51The back or the front or the side?
15:53It was a dress that had a zip that went from the bottom to the top.
15:57So, if you undid it, it would completely open out like this.
16:02What were you doing?
16:03What was the show?
16:04I was actually at 10 Downing Street.
16:07Were you?
16:08At a charity function.
16:09Oh.
16:10Who was Prime Minister?
16:12Connie Hook?
16:14LAUGHTER
16:15I cannot remember.
16:17What year was it?
16:18I think it was 2016, around then.
16:22It could have been Cameron or May.
16:24May, yeah.
16:24I think it was Cameron.
16:25Did it look like a man or a woman?
16:27LAUGHTER
16:28I can't remember.
16:29To be honest, the whole evening was so stressful
16:32that all of those kind of details I blanked out.
16:35I went there and I went to the loo and my dress was very, sort of, tight,
16:40so I thought, well, I'm going to have to wiggle it up.
16:42And it couldn't wiggle over my bum.
16:44Right.
16:45And it went bang.
16:46Oh.
16:46So who's Myra?
16:48So Myra...
16:49Well, she was Chancellor of the Exchequer.
16:52LAUGHTER
16:53I remember.
16:55APPLAUSE
16:58So, because it had kind of bust to the midway point on my back,
17:02it was open like this is a V, so it was full bum out.
17:06Your bottom was out.
17:07And you don't have your phone because they take it off you
17:10when you first get in.
17:11So I was stuck in this cubicle waiting for someone to walk in
17:14because I couldn't walk out because my bum was out
17:17and I was in the Prime Minister's house.
17:20Well, I mean...
17:20It wouldn't be the first.
17:21You had underwear on, weren't you?
17:23LAUGHTER
17:24Yeah, I had really big holding knickers on.
17:28Oh, you had the big white pants on.
17:29Yeah.
17:30How do you know the white?
17:31I mean, you had your big pants on.
17:33LAUGHTER
17:35What's going on here?
17:37In a completely separate story, I recently bought some new binoculars.
17:42LAUGHTER
17:44So Myra here, thankfully, was in the cubicle next door.
17:49A woman who at this point you don't know who she is.
17:51No, I don't.
17:51So I open my cubicle door and I go,
17:53hello, I'm so sorry you don't know me,
17:56but could you go and find my husband
17:59and ask him to get my coat from downstairs?
18:02And she was incredible because she went out and she found my husband.
18:06OK.
18:07And then got my coat.
18:09And I had to wear my coat for the whole evening.
18:12Have you been to number ten, Lee?
18:14I have, yes.
18:14Oh, what was the occasion?
18:16Genuinely, do you know what?
18:16I can't remember more than anything else how individual all the toilets were.
18:20Mm, me too.
18:21And no cubicles whatsoever.
18:23Just a toilet like in a house.
18:25What was the event you were there for?
18:26I was actually burgling the house.
18:29LAUGHTER
18:32What about you, David? Have you been?
18:33No.
18:34Me neither.
18:35Montel?
18:36No.
18:37Not yet.
18:38I was a tour guide.
18:43Just so you know, just to be clear,
18:44when it's just chat, you can tell the truth.
18:48LAUGHTER
18:48This is just a conversation.
18:50Don't feel you're under any pressure to make up giant animals.
18:54LAUGHTER
18:55I was a tour guide at Parliament for four years.
18:59Well, I wasn't expecting that.
19:01LAUGHTER
19:01You would show people around the House of Commons?
19:05I took schools around, groups of WI,
19:08celebs sometimes.
19:10Which celebs?
19:11The Speaker of the Isle of Wight.
19:13No way!
19:14LAUGHTER
19:15Who were they then?
19:16Paul McCartney went in at about ten o'clock at night,
19:19just walked in saying...
19:20But you chose to mention...
19:22And you mentioned...
19:23And you mentioned...
19:23..the Isle of Wight first.
19:25LAUGHTER
19:25LAUGHTER
19:26Oh, oh, and Jesus came once!
19:32So, you got the coat, you wrapped it round...
19:35LAUGHTER
19:36Got the coat, wrapped it round.
19:37And all was well.
19:37And all was well.
19:39Now then, what about David?
19:41Remind us of how you know Myra.
19:44OK.
19:44This is Myra.
19:45We once queued for ages for a hot sausage roll,
19:49only for me to let someone in in front of us
19:52who then bought all of the sausage rolls.
19:54Where were you?
19:55We were at the Hay Festival.
19:58And how do you know Myra?
19:59She works for the publisher that was publishing my book.
20:04I didn't know you'd written a book.
20:05Any good?
20:06I've been told that it is brilliant.
20:10What's it about?
20:11It's about the kings and queens of England.
20:14Am I in it?
20:14Have you mentioned me?
20:15No, cos you weren't king or queen of England.
20:19LAUGHTER
20:19Actually, it only goes up to 1603.
20:21So, actually, even if you had been king...
20:23Why does it only go up to 1603?
20:24Just after four o'clock.
20:25Oh, yeah.
20:26LAUGHTER
20:27Did they just sell sausage rolls?
20:29It was a hot sausage roll stand.
20:32Nothing else.
20:33And did you know the person who pushed in?
20:34No.
20:35The person politely asked, because he said he was rushing to an event.
20:41Right.
20:42And you were buying just two sausage rolls, one each?
20:45Yes.
20:46That was the plan, anyway.
20:47That was the plan.
20:48Were there people behind you?
20:49I think there might have been eight to ten people behind me.
20:52But the queue had been moving, it's all fine.
20:53They smell very good, sausage rolls.
20:55Yeah.
20:55And you invested quite a bit emotionally in getting this sausage roll.
21:00Yeah, yeah, yeah.
21:00As we got to the front of the queue, horror of horrors,
21:03they run out of sausage rolls.
21:05But the guy says,
21:07don't worry, another batch is coming out in a minute.
21:10Right.
21:10But this bloke came up to me and said,
21:11I'm rushing to an event,
21:13would it be all right if I just nip in and get it?
21:15Yeah.
21:15And I said, oh, yes, OK.
21:17And how many did he buy?
21:1820!
21:19Right.
21:1920?
21:2020!
21:21He didn't tell me he was going to buy 20,
21:23and then I chatted to Myra, and then I turn,
21:27and I look, and they're going,
21:28there's the tray of delicious sausage rolls and a bag.
21:32Thumpf.
21:33Thumpf.
21:35Thumpf.
21:35Thumpf.
21:36Thumpf.
21:36And I'm thinking, oh, he's getting a lot of sausage rolls.
21:38Oh, we laugh about it.
21:40Can you imagine?
21:42We laugh about it.
21:43Thumpf.
21:44Thumpf.
21:45So this is a lot of sausage rolls, isn't it?
21:47Thumpf.
21:47How big is this bag?
21:48Thumpf.
21:49So at this point, we've crossed the halfway line.
21:53Half of them have gone into the bag.
21:55And it's fine, though.
21:56Then they tie up the bag.
21:57That's fine.
21:57Oh, no!
21:59Look, it's another bag!
22:01Thumpf!
22:03Thumpf!
22:04Thumpf!
22:04Thumpf!
22:04Okay, you can imagine now.
22:06There's four left.
22:07Four left now.
22:10Thumpf!
22:11Thumpf!
22:13Thumpf!
22:14Thumpf!
22:15Thumpf!
22:15Thumpf!
22:24Thumpf!
22:25He got 20 sausage rolls.
22:27Yes.
22:27He asked for 20.
22:28He got 20.
22:29Yes.
22:29He managed to get the exact amount of sausage rolls that he asked for.
22:32He was given and now there's none left.
22:34Not 19.
22:35He didn't ask for 21 and there was only 80.
22:37He got it bang on like that.
22:38Yes.
22:39That's an amazing coincidence.
22:40Well, look, this story has been selected to be televised.
22:47That is how remarkable it is.
22:50And I think you're probably right.
22:51If he'd wanted like nine sausage rolls and then we'd just bought two,
22:55do you know what?
22:56I think it wouldn't have got to this point.
23:04All right.
23:05We need an answer.
23:06So, is Myra Montel's cheating chum, Holly's sartorial saviour
23:12or David's famished friend?
23:15She doesn't look like a woman who eats sausage rolls.
23:18No.
23:18But then again, maybe that's why she can't break 30 minutes at five.
23:22LAUGHTER
23:25David is at the Hay Festival.
23:27He's a famous author.
23:29He's not queuing with the hoi polloi.
23:31He's round the back in a nice posh tent.
23:34Yeah.
23:34Getting free grub.
23:35Maybe he'd like just to mingle with the great unwashed.
23:38Yeah.
23:38I want to get the Greggs advert.
23:39I'll buy a sausage roll.
23:40Yeah, that's right.
23:41They'll see the other side of me.
23:43Yeah.
23:43He even had the voice ready.
23:44I'll have two sausage rolls for once.
23:47LAUGHTER
23:48And took them in paper bag.
23:51LAUGHTER
23:52What are you thinking, John?
23:54Which way are you leaning?
23:55Well, I think Holly has been invited at number ten.
23:58Do you believe there's a dress that goes all the way from the top
24:00to the bottom of the zip?
24:01I have seen these dresses, yeah.
24:03Well, they go all the way down?
24:04Yeah, they're nice.
24:05You must have seen one of those.
24:07LAUGHTER
24:07They're not that uncommon.
24:09The sexy man!
24:12LAUGHTER
24:13Oh, thank you.
24:13Not when you say it.
24:19In fact, I'd call them off-putting, the way you said it.
24:22I don't think it was the voice.
24:24I think it was the waving of the arms.
24:25LAUGHTER
24:26The sexy man!
24:28LAUGHTER
24:31It's David Morrissey, who do you think it is?
24:33I think it's Holly.
24:34If I can sort of imagine that happening.
24:37OK, I'll go with my team and say it's Holly.
24:39Right.
24:39Myra, would you please reveal your true identity?
24:43I'm Myra and I helped Holly with her dress.
24:46CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
24:49Yes, Myra is Holly's sartorial saviour.
24:53Thank you very much, Myra.
24:59CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
25:00Which brings us to our final round of Quickfire Lives.
25:03And we start with...
25:06It's Lee.
25:09Possession.
25:10Ah, no.
25:11Possession, right.
25:12Take a look in the box that's under your desk.
25:15First of all, read out the card.
25:20These are my doggy paddles.
25:23Because he can't talk, my dog brings me one of these
25:26to tell me what he wants.
25:30LAUGHTER
25:34LAUGHTER
25:35LAUGHTER
25:37LAUGHTER
25:38Oh, my God!
25:39I love you!
25:41So, David's team.
25:42So, let's have a look.
25:43There's toilet, walk...
25:45Oh, no, no, no, no.
25:45That's just for a bit of fun.
25:46He always wants a game of table tennis.
25:49LAUGHTER
25:51Toilet, walk...
25:51What's the music one?
25:53Likes music.
25:53My dog likes music.
25:54Can I ask you which dog?
25:56Cos you've got two dogs.
25:57Yes, cos we go dog walking together, don't we?
25:59We go dog walking.
26:00It's Ludo.
26:01What breed of dog is he?
26:03He's a silver Labrador.
26:05Yes.
26:05And they are hard to train, aren't they?
26:07They're impossible to train.
26:08Silver Labradors particularly.
26:10I don't know.
26:10People will write in,
26:11that's cos you're not training him properly, yeah?
26:12Well, that's cos you're stupid.
26:13He's impossible to train.
26:15Well, I say he's impossible to train.
26:17I've trained him to...
26:18LAUGHTER
26:19I was just...
26:20I was just going to say,
26:22the whole thing is why you're training him.
26:25APPLAUSE
26:30You've trained Ludo to bring the relevant table tennis bat.
26:35No, you can see, look, there's marks on here
26:38from the teeth of the dog, of Ludo's teeth.
26:40Well, it must be true.
26:41Well, it must be true.
26:42LAUGHTER
26:43Although I did see a member of the production team
26:45chewing a table tennis bat.
26:48LAUGHTER
26:48He comes towards me like this.
26:50It has been sterilised.
26:51Yeah.
26:51I'm just telling Ludo for when he has it back.
26:53LAUGHTER
26:59So, it's upside down, though.
27:01Not to him, it's not.
27:02He knows that...
27:03Yes, that's a good point.
27:04I'll go with that.
27:04Not to him, it's not.
27:06LAUGHTER
27:06If he wants a bit of music...
27:08Yeah, I see.
27:11LAUGHTER
27:14And where do you keep the bats?
27:16In the loft.
27:17Where do you keep those?
27:18LAUGHTER
27:20Lee, you could put them down for a bit and that'll help with...
27:23But Tom, he's only four years old.
27:25LAUGHTER
27:27No, the bats.
27:29Oh, the bats, sorry.
27:31Right, Holly Willoughby.
27:32Well, I mean, the only thing I do know about Ludo
27:34is that you haven't even quite trained him to know his own name.
27:39LAUGHTER
27:40Because the only way you can get that dog to come to you
27:42is if you go, Bull!
27:44Yes.
27:44And it now thinks its name is Bull.
27:46Yes.
27:48David, what is your team going to say?
27:50Erm...
27:50It can't be true.
27:52Yeah, I think it can't.
27:54It can't be!
27:54It's unusual in this.
27:56It's almost like more than a lie, it actually can't be true.
28:00LAUGHTER
28:01They're essentially saying it's a lie, Lee.
28:03Is it a lie or was that actually the truth?
28:07LAUGHTER
28:07LIE!
28:12It's a lie, those aren't Lee's doggy paddles.
28:16And that noise signals time is up.
28:18It's the end of the show.
28:19I can reveal that David's team has won by three points to one.
28:24APPLAUSE
28:27Thanks for watching, we'll see you next time.
28:29Good night.
28:32APPLAUSE
28:33Well, spelling is essential.
28:36Not only should be two S's in that.
28:38Essential.
28:38Join the spelling bee on BBC Three now.
28:41And from Mackenzie Crock, enter the weird and wonderful world of small profits.
28:45Available to watch now on BBC iPlayer.
28:48That's our traditional
Comments