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00:28Transcribed by ESO, translated by —
00:59Transcribed by —
01:00We use over 300 tons of ice to create the hotel, and guests are surprised to know how much snow.
01:07Over 10,000 tons.
01:09Wow, that's a lot.
01:10Luckily, Norway has plenty of snow and ice.
01:16These blocks were created by carefully smoothing the ice on our river as it freezes, then harvesting it for storage
01:25in a nearby cave.
01:28Everything we see melts in summer.
01:31And we have different artists and artisans help us build again each year, so every stay is truly once in
01:38a lifetime.
01:39And here we have your room.
01:45The koi suite.
01:51Wow.
01:53Oh, it's frisk.
01:55Our guest suites are slightly warmer than the rest of the hotel.
01:59About three degrees below zero.
02:01Not too, too cold.
02:03It's quite invigorating when you get used to it.
02:08As we say, you will feel some plummen i egg.
02:12Like a yoke in an egg.
02:14Okay, that's adorable.
02:15Some plummen i eggen?
02:17That's very good.
02:20These fish were hand-carved by famous Norwegian ice sculptor Anna Szegestad Ryd.
02:26He won the Boreal Forest Prize at the Harbin Ice Sculpting Competition last year.
02:30Beautiful.
02:30Isn't that beautiful?
02:31The bed is made of ice?
02:33Yes, isn't that charming?
02:34And I highly recommend trying our complimentary house brandy.
02:38The bed is made of ice.
02:39It is distilled locally from ice wine, and I assure you it is quite special.
02:44Ice.
02:45Helen.
02:45Helen, we are sleeping on an ice bed.
02:48I could have saved that hundred grand and frozen my eggs right here.
02:50Jokes and all.
02:52Now, one more thing.
02:53Your bathrooms are around the corner in the hall to your left.
02:57And if you keep going in that direction, you get to our hot tub deck, which is always open.
03:02As I'm sure you've noticed, the sky is quite wonderful this time of year.
03:06Anything else you need, please do not hesitate to let me know.
03:10Thank you, Bjorn.
03:12Oh, thank you very much.
03:13I hope you both have an enjoyable stay.
03:16Good night?
03:18Excellent.
03:19Will not to die also.
03:20Okay.
03:29This is amazing.
03:31How did I not realize that the bed would be made of ice?
03:36We just flew 16 hours to get frozen like Walt Disney.
03:39Walt Disney wasn't frozen.
03:40That's a myth.
03:41And look at this place.
03:43It was worth the trip.
03:45I mean, do we absolutely have to go every wacky place Rick Steves recommends?
03:49I mean, would it be so bad to stay somewhere that's not an experience, but just a really nice hotel?
03:56Can it be both?
03:58Doesn't it feel kind of nice?
04:01My skin feels so awake.
04:04Oh my God, seriously?
04:08Who knew?
04:09Hela's in Norway.
04:10Oh, come on.
04:11This is completely your bag.
04:12You love feeling bad.
04:19What are you doing over there?
04:20Looking for your cell phone.
04:22Val should have numbers by now.
04:23Oh, I already talked to Val at the airport.
04:25Come over here.
04:26Get under these blankets.
04:27You talked to Val?
04:29What did she say?
04:34It's on the list.
04:37Congratulations.
04:38Good.
04:39Great.
04:40Yeah.
04:40Now come over here.
04:41Have some brandy.
04:42It's so good.
04:44Where on the list?
04:45Oh, God.
04:46Stop it.
04:46It's a bestseller.
04:48I know.
04:48I'm just curious where.
04:50Top 20.
04:52Top 20?
04:53Yeah.
04:54But like closer to 11 or closer to 20?
04:57You're impossible.
04:59You're the most impossible bestselling author I know.
05:03Come over here.
05:04Why?
05:05Just come here.
05:07Look at this.
05:10That is amazing.
05:15Oh, God.
05:16I always wanted to see it.
05:17One time in Canada I came close,
05:19but this is so much better than I ever imagined.
05:24Kind of looks like a screensaver.
05:26Oh, yeah.
05:26Stop, stop, stop.
05:28Sit.
05:31There you go.
05:33There.
05:34Isn't that warmer?
05:35Warmer than what?
05:39You can almost hear it, can't you?
05:44Oh, oh.
05:45It's turning purple.
05:47Oh.
05:49Look at that.
05:54Guess what?
05:56Sitting on a block of ice makes you feel like you have to pee.
05:59Okay.
06:00So pee.
06:01Yeah, but is the toilet going to be made out of ice?
06:03What if I stick to it?
06:04Here, don't pee, but shh.
06:06Shit.
06:09Maybe I'll Badish.
06:24Bye.
06:26No outro.
06:28Bye.
06:31Bye.
06:33Bye.
06:34Ah, ah, ah, ah
07:06Uh, this is your captain speaking.
07:09Fingers crossed, hopefully we've seen the last of that rough air.
07:12Should be smooth sailing for a while.
07:14So we're gonna go ahead and turn off that fasten seatbelt sign.
07:19Feel free to move about the cabin, Carol.
07:48May we get you anything?
07:50Nope.
07:51Uh, who's flying today?
07:54Carol.
07:54On the flight deck is Captain John McConnell.
07:57And also, First Officer Tom Deegan.
07:59These individuals have a combined 51,619 hours of flight time.
08:04And between the two of them, they've piloted every variant of this capable and trustworthy Airbus A330 aircraft.
08:10You're in good hands.
08:14That's weirder than the gal from TGI Fridays.
08:16You doing this because she freaked me out?
08:18That's an affirmative, Carol.
08:20Please stop that.
08:22It's much more spacious up in first class.
08:25Sure you want to be more comfortable there?
08:26It has lie-flat seats.
08:28You could get some rest.
08:29I'm fine where I'm at.
08:54Back in Spain, that was all the English speakers, right?
08:57Anyone with conversational ability, yes.
09:00Tell me about the non-English speakers.
09:01Certainly.
09:02What would you like to know?
09:03Anything.
09:04Everything.
09:05Well, let's see.
09:06There's Bora Kolak, a 60-year-old candy vendor in Istanbul.
09:10He speaks Turkish and loves cats.
09:12In Bali, there's Aida Udui, 23, speaks Indonesian Balinese.
09:18She's a contortionist and a dancer.
09:20Performs the barong, the legong, jibog.
09:23It's all quite exquisite.
09:24I'm sure.
09:24Keep going.
09:25Sidona Melis in Sardinia is a fisherman.
09:28Or he was, but he's 89 and retired.
09:32There's Mary Cooks-Yacintola, lives in Maserula, Soto.
09:35What does she do?
09:37Her family raises Baseroponis, but she's only eight years old.
09:40She hasn't decided on the profession.
09:42Next.
09:44Abdul Karim Al-Shari lives in Aida, Yemen.
09:46He's a 37-year-old muezzin.
09:49Muezzin, that's a...
09:50What is that?
09:52He sings a call to prayer.
09:54He's a powerful tenor voice.
09:56He also loves cats.
09:59Okay.
10:01But are there any medical doctors, any scientists or an expert of some kind?
10:07Oh, yes.
10:08According to Time Out magazine, Takeoki Tanaka Nosaka makes the best uro noodles in the entire Keihan Shin.
10:14That's not what I meant.
10:15Nope.
10:17All right.
10:17That makes, what, um, six.
10:21So you didn't say anything about the guy from, uh, where was it?
10:26Uh, Paraguay.
10:27What about him?
10:28Uh, his name is Manuso Zoviedo.
10:30We weren't aware of him for the first 33 hours.
10:33He manages a self-storage facility in Asuncion.
10:36So far, he hasn't really communicated with us.
10:40Ha.
10:43I want to talk to him.
10:44He only speaks Spanish and a bit of Guarani.
10:47Do you want us to translate for you?
10:49No.
10:50I'll manage.
10:53First thing, once I get home.
10:55We could try him right now, if you like.
11:13He's been a bit reluctant to get in contact.
11:33Try it again.
11:34Try it again.
11:54Uh, hola, senor?
11:58Ma'am o'c...
12:02I think we got, uh, cut off or something.
12:04Try it again.
12:26Get him back.
12:28Get him back.
12:39Get him back.
13:01We're sorry, Carol.
13:02We don't think it was personal.
13:11We don't think it was personal.
13:37Bye, Carol.
13:39Really, please let us know if there's...
13:42Carol, one second.
13:46We have something for you.
13:54We gathered all the mail that was in transit for you.
14:00We think you're really gonna like what's in the box.
14:12Anything else we can do for you, just let us know.
14:15Hello?
14:26Hello?
15:57What's in this box in my mail?
15:59Helen ordered it for you.
16:02You'd been so stressed out on the tour.
16:04You tried one in the Atlanta airport, but you said it was too expensive, so Helen bought
16:10one online.
16:11Did she?
16:12She thought it would make a nice gift to celebrate the end of the tour.
16:16Homecoming present.
16:21Carol?
16:25Okay, here's what's gonna happen.
16:28You're gonna forget everything you know about Helen.
16:30Every memory, every thought she ever had.
16:33Get her out of your head.
16:35Heads.
16:36Carol, we apologize if it...
16:38Never mention her again.
16:39Never think about her again.
16:41Only I get to remember her.
16:43You got that?
16:43Only me.
17:00And how come you know he was a big dummy?
17:03Well, there were already three other people in town.
17:08But that's beside the point.
17:10One day, I got up the courage to go up to mean old lady Hickenlooper and ask her why she
17:15always
17:16frowned.
17:16Well, she had been born with no smiling muscles.
17:22I pointed out that a frown is just a smile turned upside down.
17:28So from then on, whenever I'd go by, she'd stand on her head and wave.
18:00What the hell?
18:03What the hell?
18:05What the hell?
18:06What the hell?
18:08What the hell?
18:09What the hell?
18:09What the hell?
18:09What the hell?
18:09What the hell?
18:09What the hell?
18:10What the hell?
18:11What the hell?
18:21What the hell?
18:26What the hell?
18:39Good morning, Carol.
18:41What's with the food?
18:42It's the exact meal you had at that B&B you stayed at in Provincetown.
18:472012?
18:49Remember, you were there to see the Unduga girls.
18:51You were very complimentary of the chef that morning.
18:54It really stuck with her.
18:55The sorghum flour and the pancake...
18:57So you took it upon yourself to make me breakfast?
19:00Well, we knew your fridge was pretty bare.
19:03You've only got tonic water, half a carton of oat milk, a jar of green olives, a jar of black
19:08olives, a jar of red olives...
19:10I told you Helen was off-limits.
19:12Yes, of course, Carol.
19:13So, how the...
19:15How do you know what is in my fridge?
19:18Teresa from Mary Maids.
19:20You had them clean up just before you got home from the book tour.
19:24Is the food not to your liking?
19:26Would you like us to make you something else instead?
19:28Nope.
19:32I want you to leave me alone.
19:53Shows what you know, fuckers.
19:54It's three-quarters of a carton.
20:06Shh.
20:09Hear it, hear it.
20:34What the fuck?
21:05What happened to my sprouts?
21:07Are you the grunge who steals supermarkets?
21:08So sorry. We're consolidating resources to centralize useful items for distribution.
21:15Food, medicine, anything helpful from stores or businesses or what used to be private homes.
21:20It's just more efficient.
21:23Fine. Fine. I get it.
21:25Is there something specific you need? We can deliver to you anytime, anywhere.
21:30I am not going to call you every time I need something. I don't want you waiting on me.
21:36I am a very independent person, okay? I always have been. I fend for myself. I just want my sprouts
21:44back.
21:45Absolutely. Will do.
21:48Okay. Great.
21:52So, what? Um...
21:56Can we say Friday? Maybe?
21:59I just need a rough estimate of when I should come back.
22:03We'll be there in a moment.
22:04We'll be there in a moment.
22:05We'll be there in a moment.
22:08Anyway, we'll be there in a moment.
22:33I have to take a moment.
22:43I don't know.
23:07I don't know.
23:59I don't know.
24:06I don't know.
24:07I don't know.
24:15I don't know.
24:16I don't know.
24:55I don't know.
24:56I don't know.
24:58I don't know.
25:00I don't know.
25:15I don't know.
25:17I don't know.
25:18I don't know.
25:57I don't know.
26:12I don't know.
26:24I don't know why I raised my hair.
26:32Damn it.
26:56I don't know.
26:57I don't know.
26:57I don't know.
27:06I don't know.
27:09I don't know.
27:10I don't know.
27:36I don't know.
27:44I don't know.
27:48I don't know.
27:49I don't know.
27:50It's just that there's no crime to prevent.
27:52And we're not working at night.
27:54Except for essential operations.
27:56Water treatment, hospitals, things like that.
27:58Right.
27:58So it's more of your efficiency.
28:00Yes.
28:00You donated twice to the Sierra Club,
28:03so we felt you'd understand.
28:04If you'd like, we'd be happy to restore the rest of the lights.
28:08No! Screw it. Leave them off. Who gives a shit?
28:10Carol, is there anything we can do to cheer you up?
28:13Cheer me up? Why? I'm fine. I'm so happy.
28:19There is nothing wrong with me that a fucking hand grenade wouldn't fix.
28:22You got one of those?
28:22Because I think that would be the perfect topper for the greatest week in human history.
28:48Fuck it.
29:26It must have just been the excitement of a moment.
29:29But they said the only way to prevent the eruption was for me to crawl through their legs up the
29:34ball is the top of the ice.
29:34while they gave me my birthday wax.
29:38Well, and you're not gonna believe this.
30:17Yeah? Hi. Sorry it took so long.
30:23A hand grenade?
30:25Yes. We thought you were probably being sarcastic, but we didn't want to take the chance.
30:33Were you being sarcastic?
30:38Right. Of course you were.
30:41Do you want us to take...
30:42You know what? We just...
30:45We'll get rid of it.
30:49Feel better, Carol.
30:55Hey. Do you maniacs drink?
31:00It's okay. You can bring the hand grenade.
31:18Does the whole world get drunk when you drink?
31:22Like, does some six-year-old in Sri Lanka slur his words when you knock one back?
31:27No. It doesn't work like that.
31:31How do you say cheers in Sanskrit?
31:33Shuba mustu. Roughly, it means may everyone be blessed.
31:38Well done. Shoo... shoo... shoopy shoop shoop.
31:51You know the word vodka is a diminutive of voda, meaning water?
31:55Very similar to the Latin aqua vitai, literally water of life.
32:00That becomes the Scandinavian aqua vitai.
32:03Although, the drinks are very different.
32:06Fun fact!
32:07Whiskey has the same root meaning in Scots Gaelic from Wischka Baha.
32:11You don't, sir.
32:16What gives this particular brand its distinctive smoothness, it's distilled from both potato and corn.
32:23It is slightly alkaline. Do you taste that?
32:27Lower shelf alcohol tends to be acidic.
32:30The chief distiller learned the process from his grandfather.
32:32And now you learned it by stealing it out of his brain.
32:41How long do I have left before you turn me into a worker bee?
32:47It's a hard thing to predict. Scientific advances tend to ebb and flow.
32:52That's not an answer. How long?
32:56We're working around the clock.
32:57It could be as soon as a couple weeks.
33:00Or it could take months.
33:02Or longer.
33:04That's quite the range for someone who knows everything that there is to know.
33:12Regardless.
33:13Sooner or later, I'm fucked.
33:16Sorry, Carol.
33:18We have a biological imperative.
33:20You people make no goddamn sense.
33:23Do you know that?
33:25We want to make you happy, you say.
33:28Your life is your own, you say.
33:31An agency. I've got all this agency.
33:34But, I mean, I guess I have agency just until I don't?
33:41Carol.
33:43If you were walking by a lake and you saw somebody drowning, would you throw them a life preserver?
33:49Of course you would.
33:50You wouldn't think.
33:52You wouldn't wait.
33:53You wouldn't try to get consensus on it.
33:55You'd just throw it.
33:59So now I'm drowning?
34:03You just don't know it.
34:08Well, you people are brainwashed, is what you are.
34:12I mean, what could possibly be so great about this mind meld of yours?
34:19Actually, let me guess.
34:22It's all beautiful scenery.
34:24And you feel nothing but contentment.
34:27Just wave after wave of bliss and peace and everything is perfect.
34:33It's like living inside a postcard.
34:36Every second of every day.
34:38Basically, it's every Rick Steves special ever.
34:42Right?
34:42That kind of bullshit.
34:43Like you're taking a hike in the woods and there's a warm rain and the trees are so tall you
34:50can't even see the tops.
34:52Or you're having coffee on the canals in Amsterdam and it's like you're in a coffee commercial.
34:59Or you're taking a walk at sunset on the most flawless beach in Croatia.
35:04Or you're in Norway above the Arctic Circle.
35:11And a hotel made of ice.
35:14Under a pile of furs.
35:28I told you that Helen was off limits.
35:43You are a bunch of mind fuckers.
35:58Wow, you got this thing really jammed in there, don't you?
36:03Please, be careful with that.
36:05Right, Link, you would give me a real hand grenade.
36:10Carol, if we may.
36:11You should be a littleboy.
36:13Go.
36:13Go!
36:14Go.
36:19Go.
36:23Go.
36:39Go, go, go.
36:48You... you gave me...
36:57Oh sh... oh sh... shit, fuck.
37:02Uh... oh fuck.
37:14Uh, okay, I'm gonna go get some help, okay?
37:17It's okay, Carol.
37:20Elvis, come on.
37:45It's okay.
38:13May we join you?
38:20We're happy to say, Zosia's doing much better.
38:23There was some blood loss, but no real nerve damage.
38:26She did get a pretty severe concussion that we're going to want to keep an eye on.
38:31She's resting now.
38:34Can we get you a fresh change of clothes?
38:41Carol, your quick thinking really saved the day.
38:47Why would you give me a hand grenade?
38:51You asked for one.
38:53Why not give me a fake one?
38:57Oh, sorry if we got that wrong, Carol.
39:04If I asked right now, would you give me another hand grenade?
39:08Yes.
39:09Even after last night, you would give me another?
39:12Oh, sure.
39:17Okay, what about a bazooka?
39:19And the thing a bazooka shoots a rocket or whatever?
39:24Yes.
39:25All right.
39:28All right.
39:30What about, I don't know, a tank?
39:36Mm-hmm.
39:40What about an atom bomb?
39:47Why would you want one?
39:49To blow shit up?
39:50For kicks?
39:51I mean, does it matter?
39:52You gave me a grenade, for fuck's sake.
40:02It'd be okay to say no at this point.
40:05That would be sane.
40:07Not utterly batshit crazy.
40:12If you truly wanted a nuclear weapon, we would weigh the pros and cons with you.
40:22We would explain that it would be very destructive.
40:24Yes or no?
40:30Ultimately, yes.
40:33Wouldn't necessarily feel good about it.
40:37But we would move heaven and earth to make you happy, Carol.
40:45Would you like an atom bomb?
40:51Well, I'm going to have to get back to you on that.
40:57Okay.
40:58Okay.
40:59Oh, would you like a cup of coffee?
41:03One sugar with oat milk, right?
41:05Maybe a pinch or...
41:06You can go.
41:28Oh, would you like a cup of coffee?
41:31Oh, would you like a cup of coffee?
41:35Oh, would you like a cup of coffee?
42:05will burn and all this boo-hoo, this cloudy mace of days.
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